Chapter Text
My only one
My smoking gun
My eclipsed sun
This has broken me down
My twisted knife
My sleepless night
My winless fight
This has frozen my ground
Adrien agreste felt a lot of things. He was a emotional guy who couldn't bare the thought of being hated by even a single person, that's why he went ahead and befriended marinette as Chat Noir. He was carved and molded to perfection by his father and he couldn't bare the thought of being a burden or being useless.
The day Ladybug and Rena Rouge formulated a plan, without telling him, he knew it was all going to go downhill. No patrol, no akumatisation was handled by just the two of them ever again. He could feel Rena Rouge watching everything from a distance. Due to certain circumstances, he, sometimes was a minute late to arrive at the scene but the akuma was already purified by then. He saw the way Rena Rouge, no, Alya and Ladybug laughed together and had fun and did a quick 'pound it' before taking off together. He thought that Rena Rouge already knew Ladybug's identity and Dignity be damned, he had every right to get an answer from ladybug but she wouldn't care to listen to a word he said, all too busy chattering away with Rena Rouge on topics he wasn't quite sure if he was aware of them or not.
He felt useless.
He felt like the wrapper of a candy, meant to protect the candy but getting discarded as son as it's purpose was served. Well, he should've seen it coming. With Ladybug becoming the new miracle box guardian, his position as chat noir was replaceable with other, more capable heroes. He contemplated whether Tikki would one day tell Ladybug his identity and Ladybug would feel as if there was a better wielder for the power of destruction. He was replaceable. Everything said by Ladybug was all a hoax. A lie that made him believe that he was more than just a pretty boy who could walk and had the capability to talk. a lie.
The more frequent appearances of Rena rouge and other heroes on the scene made him feel that it was possible to do any mission without him. So he stopped showing up.
Afterall, he was a partner just like any other, and the most important thing was to pick the right heroes for the mission, with or without him.
Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason"
Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in
Don't want no other shade of blue but you
No other sadness in the world would do
He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout out loud when Ladybug shoved him into a trash can. He wanted to shout when ladybug was slowly replacing him.
He stood on the rooftop of the Agreste Mansion, seeing two tiny figures jumping roof to roof in the dead silence of night. The familiarity of the figures whose hushed whispers were heard was what hurt his heart. He believed in his love for Ladybug and Ladybug's love for him and how he was...irreplaceable. He allowed himself to drown in the guilt and shame of failing his partner and Disappointing her to the point where she wouldn't even leave messages that said "sorry chaton, Patrol with Rena tonight, maybe we can do one tomorrow?"
The problem was that tomorrow never came. He waited and waited, every night on the roof of his house, thinking that today was the "tomorrow " that ladybug had mentioned...but it never came. Soon, he got sick of waiting and occasionally went out on his own to clear his head.
Modelling and meeting his father's expectations too, had become a chore lately. He longed to be free and just hangout with Nino, Alya and Marinette, even if they did not have time for him, he'd bug them and annoy them and just...be there and be seen and not be...discarded.
You know I left a part of me back in New York
You knew the hero died so what's the movie for?
You knew it still hurts underneath my scars
From when they pulled me apart
He had realized that he was not needed ever since the time of their little adventure in New York, when he fucked up because he was trying to save New York. Because, he should have used his head. Because he was dumb. It didn't claw at his heart that he would never hear from Ladybug again because he trusted Plagg to tell her his Identity after he renounced the miraculous. What irked him was the fact that he was going to be all alone again. He thanked Master Fu in his head for showing him a dream that he wished to watch a little longer. He had realized. It was all a hoax. A lie so well crafted to make his dumb brain believe in a girl which he oh so dearly loved, to believe in himself to have the power to save Paris, to believe that he had a life outside modelling and the Gabriel brand.
Ladybug deserved better than a coward like him.
A coward who couldn't stop telling her how much he loved her again and again like a broken record. The truth being that the record was broken by Ladybug herself. he knew he wasn't much help but it made him feel wanted whenever he and ladybug fought off an akuma. Maybe...she wouldn't care if he died. No one would. But he still had a sliver of hope that maybe...just maybe his father would finally notice him struggling and would spend time with him- but then again, that was just a fantasy that he crafted in his head in order to make him feel loved. Yes, He could die because he was of no use if he couldn't be of service. He had fallen behind and it was getting all too tiring to catch up.
something inside chat noir died that day. Maybe it was the hero in him...what remained was a doll, a marionette, which was programmed to live a certain way.
You knew the password so I let you in the door
You knew you won so what's the point of keeping score?
You knew it still hurts underneath my scars
From when they pulled me apart
But what you did was just as dark
He was in class. Marinette and Alya carelessly chattering away behind him and Nino busy Listening to music, Rose and Juleka giggling among themselves and Lila telling lies to mylene, Ivan, Alix and Kim, who all surprisingly believed her. Even though he had gotten used to to chaos inside the class, he felt it was too damn loud. He wanted for it to be dead quiet so that he could calm his racing thoughts about how he could easily jump off the roof of the school building and pin it all on a "accidental slip". He couldn't remember Miss Bustier coming into the class, taking roll call and her starting to teach. He stared off in space as he thought and thought and thought...till Nino tapped him on his shoulder.
"Yo dude, you ok? You've been zoned out for quite a while now-" He couldn't hear a word after that. all he remembers was giving Nino a small smile and nodding his head when he perceived that Nino stopped speaking. Voices circled around in his head.
"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER"
"yeah, whatever"
"TAKE BACK MY MIRACULOUS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT"
"ugh"
"I want nothing less than perfection"
"Chat is a partner like any other!"
The last thought broke his already broken heart into millions of pieces. A partner....like any other. Adrien would've loved to think that he was special to ladybug, that he held a special place in her heart, but the reality was a cold slap which burnt as it hit his face. He was a partner like any other. He was replaceable.
My only one
My kingdom come undone
My broken drum
You have beaten my heart
Don't want no other shade of blue but you
No other sadness in the world would do
Another late night Akumatisation. Adrien found Carapace, Rena Rouge, Vesperia and Ladybug on the scene, taking action. He felt his body move on its own accord, finding a sheltered place before looking at his ring. The darned ring that changed his life into one of make-belief. Plagg whizzed out of his shirt.
"Kid...I think you should transform, it seems like a dangerous Akuma.."
It indeed was. Big and Burly as it inflicted pain upon the ones impacted by his beam.
"Plagg, claws out"
Chat Noir was seen jumping from one roof to another instead of helping out. Ladybug and the other heroes saw him but decided that it was best that they stuck with their plan with the added help of Chat Noir, who they assumed, had understood their plan. Much to everyone's shock, he jumped and jumped and jumped away. The heroes paid no heed in order to defeat the Akuma.
chat noir sat at the edge of the tallest building in Paris, watching his "teammates" defeat the akuma without his help. He saw them all detransforming, handing over their miraculouses and leave. He saw ladybug leave.
He knew no one would stay. So why did he feel a pang of hope when Ladybug looked up at the sky, as if he were hoping for her to come to him?
something wet his hair. Oh. She was looking at the rainy weather.
Chat Noir thought that this would make the perfect opportunity to end it all. He felt that the rain was wrapping him in a snug blanket and was telling him that it was all going to be fine. this is why chat noir loved rain, it brought him happiness. He reminisced of the time he met his first true friend and probably the girl who would have had his heart if it hadn't been for Ladybug. He remembered the day his mother died. He remembered the day when he was leaving New York. It was all on a rainy day. Maybe memories which brought him pain were associated with the rain, but he loved it nonetheless.
"Plagg, Claws in"
Plagg whizzed out and with furrowed eyebrows and a desperate voice pleaded Adrien to not do it, he begged for him to reconsider as Adrien renounced Plagg and gave him a bright smile before standing at the edge.
"thank you for everything, Plagg"
And he jumped.
Everything seemed still and peaceful, he could see the distant colors from the blaring ambulances' lights and he could hear the panicked voices of everyone surrounding him, but he finally felt at peace.
Adrien Agreste felt a lot of things. He felt happy and at solace, knowing he was going to finally meet his mother.