Work Text:
Itto is completely, totally, wholeheartedly-and he has a big heart-fed up with the whole “Thomato” situation.
One of the big three, head honcho dudes of Inazuma, literally psychic towards his political enemies but oblivious towards a love interest? Unacceptable. The brave Arataki Of No Fears Itto will not let Inazuma risk collapse under this stupidity.
Obviously because his gang would have nowhere to gang in without Inazuma. It’s not because he thinks they’d be a really cute couple if they actually got together, or because he’s a sucker for stupid romance stories. This is all Shinobu’s fault anyway, for telling him how vital the guy is to Inazuma. Now he knows how important it is to get them together, otherwise who knows what would happen? Thoma getting kidnapped? Itto might have not liked the guy at first, but turns out he’s pretty chill!
Hey, it wouldn’t even take much effort, ‘Matchmaker’ is his middle name. Arataki The Professional Matchmaker Itto, it is! And since Aether’s out of town (gone to kick Childe’s butt, in the little dude’s words), he can’t stop him. It’s the perfect plan. He’s simply unstoppable!
He tells as much to Shinobu and she stops him. Itto waves his hands around in protest.
“Yeah yeah, I know Ayato could technically land me in prison and all that, but you can just come get me! Like always.”
“No.”
And so Itto sets off to do exactly what Shinobu told him not to to. The fate of Inazuma rests on his shoulders. This is his main character arc! He has to!
He strolls into the harbor after a full day of following civilian reports on where they last saw the housekeeper. Thoma’s a hard guy to track down.
“Hey, Thoma, my good friend, my best bud, broskiest bro, simpiest of the Commissoner simpertons!” He rests his elbow on Thoma’s shoulder proudly. “Dear fellow member of the Three Amitoes, as declared by yours truly, the one and only numero uno Aratitty Tittoe-Are you gay?”
The quizzical expression Thoma gives him is like an perplexed puppy tilting its head. (Hey, didn’t Ayato state he was a dog person because he thought loyalty was attractive?) Itto, being the generous, thoughtful pal he is, rephrases the question.
“Like do you like men? Guys? Dudes? Bros with the homo?”
“Er-“
“Or both? Gals, girls, bros with the hetero? The in-between? Hmm? What’ll it be?” Itto waggles his eyebrows that he keeps in tip-top shape for this exact reason and casually rests his arm against the wall.
“I-Um… like men?” Oh, Itto needs to know who triggered his gay awakening. It’s a necessity. Very important priority. His own was the fluffy-eared doggy guy from Watasumi, for whatever reason. He’s just so cute and his ears look super soft… Also the vibe he gives off? Good thing he played it cool and didn’t do anything stupid like freeze up, or hide behind a corner resisting the urge to run up to him. Yep, mhm.
But all that is unimportant at the moment, because he needs Sara to look away from the cute shrine maiden she was once at war with and step on him. Man, their enemies to crushes arc is severe. Anyway, he’ll revisit his cause of panic later.
“So why the men, my man? What made you realize your attraction? The draw-you-in, The Guy, the first and not only dude you wanna do?”
“I’m not entirely sure-“ Itto watches Thoma’s denial stretch on as he examines a basket of fish. Since he’s a good friend he has to help him along, right?
“Ahhh, come on, Thoma, buddy.” He lets out a loud laugh. “We’re best bros, you can tell me. I’m a secret-keeping, say-what-I-want, want-to-say-what-I-wanna-say-unless-I’m-not-supposed-to-say-it kinda guy, and if this is a don’t-say-what-you-wanna-say-even-if-it’s-what-you-mean kinda time, I won’t say anything. Hmmm?”
“I probably shouldn’t tell you… I’m not sure if he-“
“Thoe, my partner, broski.” He temples his fingers together and leans forward conspiratorially. “I bromantically love you with all my heart and ass and soul, but you know Ayato is gay, right?”
“Yes?” Thoma answers, turning to face him. “I’ve known for a while.”
There’s the slightest hint of pink on his cheeks, and sure, he could chalk it up to the weirdly humid weather, but Arataki Reading-Between-The-Lines Itto jots it down in a mental notepad. It’s like he’s a super mysterious love detective, but even cooler; Like that Hei-something or whatever guy!
“No, bro.” Arataki Of Many Awesome Names Itto stabs a finger on Thoma’s chest. “You and your ridiculous moobs, my guy. Where is your brain? Everyone knows about it except you.”
“W-What?”
Thoma looks cutely confused. Honestly, if Thomato weren’t his OTP-the ship he will absolutely go down with-he would try his hand with either of them instead. The pretty rich man or the pretty cute man, either would be a great catch. But alas, they only have eyes for each other, despite not knowing it. He isn’t complaining though, they’re great together. Also, there’s no way they aren’t oblivious soulmates.
“What does that have to do with-“
Over Thoma’s shoulder, Itto can see a furious green ponytail approaching. Judging by her speed and agility as she jumps over boxes with a demonic determination, Shinobu isn’t very happy. As expected of the shadowy secret Thomato supporter. His genius plan will have to continue some other time then. Shinobu will probably ground him for the next week. Unlucky.
“No can tell you, my bromie! That’d be spoiling the grand reveal!” With a firm pat on Thoma’s back and a grin, he books it out of there.
***
“Fresh lavender melon!” The man shouts from his market booth. The first person to approach is a weekly customer he looks forward to gossiping with.
“Have you heard about the Yashiro Commissioner and his housekeeper yet?”
“I have!” The woman lowers their voice. “Thoma technically isn’t even a housekeeper, just incredibly helpful. I think it would be a good relationship.”
“It definitely would be good for Inazuma to have such strong trust and loyalty between the Commissioner and his trusted helper.”
***
“Thoma admires the Yashiro Commissioner so much, it’s kind of adorable. You should hear how he praises him to the grannies.”
“I wish he would confess already. They both deserve happiness, for everything they do for us.”
***
“Thoma and his lord? I thought they already had something going on.”
“I second that. I only heard they don’t this morning, even though Thoma likes him!”
“Was he rejected?”
“I don’t think that would happen. The Commissioner seems fond of him too.”
***
“The Yashiro Commissioner and Thoma? They both work hard for the people of Inazuma. I wish they could take a break.”
“Preferably together, so they can resolve what’s going on between them.”
“Agreed. There’s only so much pining I can take. They balance each other out and it’s crystal clear Thoma likes him. He’s a great person, how could anyone not like him back?”
“Oh, the Commissioner must. Remember the last festival? I saw them walking under an umbrella in the rain together. With how close they were standing, there’s no way it’s not mutual.”
***
“Do you remember that time we found Thoma and the young master in bed together? Cuddling while they slept? Turns out, they weren’t and still aren’t together.”
“But Thoma likes him, doesn’t he?”
“My guess is he hopes nobody will notice and it’ll fade away. Knowing him, he doesn’t want to mess up what he already has.”
***
“Have you seen the nice Kamisato housekeeper recently?”
“Thoma? Oh, he really is a dear, he always offers to carry my groceries when he sees me!”
“A sweetheart. And of course you know of the Yashiro Commissioner?”
“Ah, a very clever man. He was beautiful as a child and only grows more handsome. All the broken-hearted girls in the village…”
“Well, have you heard the rumors about the Thoma and his lord? One of the elders a village over believes Thoma is in love.”
“Oh my!” The old woman appears to ponder for a moment. “I can’t say I disagree, they are very close. And they would look very nice together.”
“Exactly my point! A shame he probably won’t confess…”
***
Thoma is very confused. A mess of nicknames and highly intrusive questions (though he didn’t and still doesn’t care) is the most that he managed to understand from everything Itto asked. What was the deal with his sexuality and his first crush? And so out of the blue…
Thoma wipes the sweat from his forehead and adjusts the basket of fish at his hip as he walks, considering. Itto’s sudden mention of Ayato was also very suspicious.
It couldn’t possibly be related to his thing for Ayato, right? He’s been keeping it under wraps for so long. A romantic relationship between the Head Commissioner and his housekeeper would certainly stir up a scandal, and he would never dare to mess up Ayato’s hard-earned reputation like that.
He’s kind, caring, courageous, hardworking. On top of that he has a beautiful voice, and he’s overwhelmingly handsome. (Thoma isn’t going to bring up the time Ayato was changing out of a soaked sparring uniform and he accidentally walked in. Archons.) Not to mention how much he cares for his sister, and his love for the people of Inazuma. What more does one need in a man? Thoma can’t just ruin his happiness.
It must have just been Itto being Itto, he concludes as he walks past the guards at the Kamisato estate.