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Eight days and fifteen hours; that’s how long it’s been since Thanatos last saw the man with the mismatched eyes in their, no, his study spot. Not that he’s counting. He’s never even talked to him, doesn’t even know his name. Doesn’t even want to know it.
And yet, his days feel oddly empty without the sound of his foot tapping against the floor, without his incessant humming to whatever song happens to be playing through his headphones, without the way his face transparently shows whenever he struggles with something, followed by a bright smile when he finally understands.
I’m such a creep, Thanatos thinks to himself, arranging his study materials on the little library desk. He probably hasn’t even taken notice of Thanatos, but Thanatos knows his every little quirk. He can't help but be captivated by him, and he doesn’t even understand why.
Not that it matters anyway; it doesn’t seem like he’ll be coming back. He’s probably found a better spot to study, and Thanatos will just have to forget about him, get on with his work without his presence.
He turns on his laptop and begins to do his reading for his next lecture, taking colour-coded notes along the way. He keeps glancing to his right, in the spot where he would usually sit, but it remains empty. Thanatos ignores the feeling of disappointment deep in his chest.
Before he knows it, it’s already been a few hours since he started studying, and he’s beginning to lose focus, so he decides to take a proper break. He stretches in the chair, then gets up from the desk, heading to the vending machine next to the lift. He’s tempted by the canned coffee, but ultimately decides against it, since it’s already quite late in the day and he needs to sleep tonight. He just gets some water, then goes back to his little desk, sitting down and uncapping the bottle.
“You cut your hair!?”
Thanatos jolts, looking to his right for the source of the sound. He’s… he’s back?
“...I did, yes.” Thanatos is not quite sure how else to respond.
“That’s a shame. I thought you looked better before.”
Thanatos scoffs, turning his laptop back on. If he wanted to talk to this guy before (not that he did), he definitely wants nothing to do with him now. He drinks his water, then opens his notebook and continues taking notes for his reading, definitely not occasionally glancing to his right. The foot tapping and humming are back, along with the furrowed eyebrows followed by smiles, and despite the rude comment, Thanatos feels like he’s fallen back into his routine. It makes him realise just how much of a routine it had really become, sitting here next to him for the past semester, for a few hours every day.
Usually, Thanatos is done with his work before him, so he ends up leaving him on his own; come to think of it, he doesn’t even know when he actually goes home. He only knows he does because his clothes change every day. Tonight, though, they seem to wrap up their work around the same time, because as Thanatos is packing his bag, he is putting on his jacket. He briefly considers asking him if they should go somewhere together, but he doesn’t care about him, so why did that thought even cross his mind? Thanatos waits for him to leave first, making sure he’s taken the lift already before he leaves himself. He definitely doesn’t wonder if he’ll be coming back tomorrow.
The next day, when Thanatos arrives at their, no, his study spot, he’s already there, deeply focused on his textbook. This time, he doesn’t even acknowledge Thanatos, and Thanatos in turn doesn’t acknowledge his conflicted feelings about it. He drowns in his work, because he has that essay due in three days that he’s barely done any work on, and he wants to get it over with as soon as possible. The foot tapping and humming become nice ambient noise, though he would never admit that to him.
A sudden tap on his shoulder startles Thanatos, and he turns around to yell at whoever is bothering him, but for some reason he can’t bring himself to yell at him. Then again, they are in a library, so it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t raise his voice anyway.
“Uh, sorry. I was wondering if you’d like to go get something to eat?”
No, why would I want that after how rude you were to me yesterday? “...Sure.”
“Oh, that's— That's great! How about that new place near the humanities building?”
“I haven’t been there yet, actually.”
“You have to, their food is delicious. Let’s go, then.”
Thanatos has no idea why he agreed to this, but it would be too awkward to back out now, so he decides to go with it. It’s just a—he checks his watch, 7:48pm—dinner together, how bad can it be?
He somewhat hastily packs his things into his backpack, then slings it over his shoulder. The two head to the lift together, an odd feeling after Thanatos has been leaving on his own for the entire semester. Thanatos pushes the button for the ground floor.
“I’m Zagreus, by the way. I realised I should probably introduce myself properly.”
“Zagreus,” Thanatos says, trying out the syllables on his tongue. It suits him. “I’m Thanatos.”
“Nice to meet you, Thanatos. It’s good to finally be able to put a name to the face.”
“Likewise.”
He—Zagreus—smiles, and Thanatos doesn’t dwell on how it makes him feel to have that smile he’s seen so much of directed at him.
The restaurant is a brisk five minute walk from the library, and they spend it talking about their degrees, finally getting to know each other after spending an entire semester in each other’s presence. And despite their first semblance of a conversation yesterday going the way it did (that is, terribly), it’s easy, talking to Zagreus. He’s charming, and he always seems to know exactly what to say to make Thanatos laugh or smile. He learns that Zagreus studies Marine Biology, far removed from his own History degree, and that he's also in his final year. The rush to graduate dissipates in his presence.
They reach the restaurant and find a table to sit at, somewhat isolated from the rest of the restaurant. The menus are nice and modern, and the atmosphere is overall very cosy; Thanatos thinks he could sink into his chair. They take their time picking out their orders, Thanatos eventually going for one of Zagreus’ recommendations. After the waitress leaves, Thanatos doesn’t know what to say; should he continue their conversation from earlier? Should he find a new topic?
Thankfully, Zagreus is the one who speaks up.
“There’s actually a reason I asked you to come here today.”
Thanatos doesn’t know why his heart suddenly starts beating fast. “O-oh?”
“Yeah, uh. I wanted to apologise for how I approached you yesterday. Lots of things have been changing in my life lately, you were kind of the only constant thing this past semester. So when even that changed, I guess I just… snapped. I’m sorry.”
Thanatos is taken aback. He’s not sure what he expected Zagreus to say, but it wasn’t this. He didn’t think he would even remember the conversation, let alone feel genuinely remorseful about it. He wants to stay mad at him, to say he doesn’t forgive him, but he can’t bring himself to when he meets his eyes, brows furrowed in worry. “...It’s okay. I understand.”
Zagreus beams. “Thank you, Thanatos. And for the record, I think you look great with short hair too.”
“O-oh, um. Thank you, Zagreus.” Thanatos hopes the low, ambient light does a good enough job of hiding the flush on his cheeks.
“You looked like you were ready to slice my head off with your pen yesterday. I would’ve probably deserved it, but still.”
Thanatos laughs. “That would be quite a feat, now, wouldn’t it?”
After that, Thanatos and Zagreus become virtually inseparable. They were speding all their study time together (or, more accurately, in each other’s presence) before, so the only thing that really changes is that now they spend all their free time together as we. Thanatos has lost count already of how many times Zagreus has slept over.
Thanatos has also learned a lot about him. He’s learned about his abusive father, about how he hid his mother from him for the first twenty-one years of his life, about how he went to search for her in that week he didn’t come to the library (eight days and eighteen hours, his brain helpfully supplies), how he found her and reunited with her. He’s even met her, and she’s every bit as lovely as he is.
That’s another thing he's learned; that he's hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Zagreus. At first, he thought it was just the familiarity that had settled between them that drew him to Zagreus, but he quickly came to realise that isn’t the case. Every brush of their bodies was electrifying, and Thanatos found himself wanting more of Zagreus, wondering what his chapstick tastes like, how his hands would feel on his body, how he would chant his name in pleasure.
Try as he might to suppress them, he can’t help those feelings. They’re always amplified in his presence, too, but Thanatos refuses to let that ruin their friendship. He’s already scared about what might happen to them after graduation, looming on the horizon. Thanatos hopes to be able to remain close to him, but he’s not sure Zagreus shares that feeling. He’s heard of many friends drifting apart after university, and he doesn't want that to be him and Zagreus.
They’re sitting on Thanatos’ bed on the day after their last exams, finally free of academia. Zagreus is rambling about his mother’s latest botanical acquisition, but Thanatos can’t pay attention. All he can think about is the prospect of losing Zagreus, and it eats at him more than it probably should.
“Hey, Zag?”
Zagreus pauses and turns towards Thanatos, putting his hand on his knee. Thanatos jolts under his touch. “Hm?”
“After… after we graduate, are we still going to be friends?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
Thanatos sighs and runs a hand through his hair nervously. “It's just… We won’t have our study sessions anymore, and we’re in completely different fields, so it's not like we’d have much in common there. We’ll both be busy, and I… I don’t want you to forget about me, Zag. I don’t—”
Thanatos completely forgets what he was going to say because Zagreus’ lips are on his. Thanatos’ hand subconsciously finds its way to Zagreus’ hair, keeping him close before he finally finds the courage to kiss him back. His lips are soft, even more so than in Thanatos’ wildest dreams. And even though the angle makes it awkward, their noses bumping uncomfortably, all Thanatos can focus on is just how well their lips fit together, and he never wants to let go.
Too bad they need to breathe.
“Sorry, got a bit carried away there. But I hope that answers your question, Than,” Zagreus says as he pulls away, resting his forehead against Thanatos’. Thanatos’ fingers drift to his own lips, his brain working overtime to catch up with what just happened.
“I— Well, yes, I suppose it does. But I might need another demonstration. You know, to make sure.”
Zagreus laughs and pushes him on his back, climbing on top of him to give him the best kiss of his life.