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"What are your intentions towards my brother?"
Shi Wudu knew he should pay more attention to the books Shi Qingxuan was reading. Shi Wudu didn't touch them himself,but he instinctively knew where these stupid ideas came from.
He heard these words just as he was walking towards Shi Qingxuan and Pei Ming.The stylized flower bushes were made in such a way that they could not see him, but with the right tilt of his head he had a pretty good view of them. Perfect to wait for the right moment to step in and teach Shi Qingxuan a good lesson.
(If Ling Wen saw him, she would probably comment about their shared tendency for drama.)
“Drink wine with him and then steal Noble Jie from her own palace, so she wouldn't get lost in the ocean of scrolls and dust? We thought about visiting this new restaurant in-” Pei Ming wind up Shi Qingxuan as usual. He was smiling at the same time, squinting his eyes a little, like a cat that has been given a new toy on a stick. And it was time to check if it would make funny sounds.
"You know that's not what I mean!" Shi Qingxuan stabbed the air with a fan,having as little patience for him as usual. “What are your intentions towards my brother? Are they… Are you planning…?”
Here Shi Qingxuan made a series of very dynamic gestures which somehow didn't cause any storm.
“...Qingxuan, maybe you should try to write this. I think it would make it easier for both of us."
Shi Qingxuan groaned in frustration. Shi Wudu felt a shiver over his spine. For some reason, he had a very bad feeling. This did not sound like the typical start of a tirade about Shi Qingxuan not liking Pei Ming as a companion for his elder brother
"I mean," Shi Qingxuan began again, drawling the words, "do you have plans for my brother that you have for other people who ... interest you."
The silence that followed was deafening. Or maybe it was Shi Wudu who stopped perceiving what was going on around him for a moment. But he wasn't going to leave now. He wanted to hear Pei Ming's answer first.
Because at some point in their acquaintance, Shi Wudu had realized that if Pei Ming began to treat him as a potential lover, Shi Wudu would not reject him. It had taken a moment to get used to the thought. Logically, it made sense, before he hadn't even had time to even consider having a lover. He had been too busy cultivating and protecting Shi Qingxuan, and after ascension little had changed in the first years. So in fact, after it came to him that the worst was behind them and Shi Wudu had time to himself…
But then he was struck by the realization of a heavier caliber - it wasn't just a matter of a pretty face, but that Shi Wudu actually trusted Pei Ming. Even with Shi Qingxuan’s safety. The realization was still too fresh - it came to him about 50 years ago - so Shi Wudu hadn't done anything about it yet. But now the opportunity had come to him.
Shi Wudu was not a coward, no one would even dare to think of him like that. He was just cautious, something everyone - especially a deity - should be. Especially when it comes to the heart and General Ming Guang.
The body issues were easy, Pei Ming would have fulfilled Shi Wudu's needs and would never have seen it as a bargaining chip, a debt to pay, or a reason to treat Shi Wudu differently. No, for Pei Ming it would be just another nice way to spend time, and showing that he cares.
But anything related to feelings was banned. Pei Ming could adore, tease and flirt, but he never promised any bigger feelings, just made it clear that there was no such option. If the other party disagreed, he would just walk away.
Shi Wudu very carefully ignored any thought that at this point he was a bit like Pei Ming's previous lovers, hoping and waiting for a different answer.
But now Pei Ming said nothing and only stared at Shi Qingxuan, no longer amused or even irritated that Shi Qingxuan was again trying to stick his nose in the wrong place. No, his eyes were serious, as if measuring, wanting to judge what answer to give.
It was driving Shi Wudu insane.
“I'll answer that honestly,” Pei Ming began, his tone completely devoid of emotion. “But only if you swear not to repeat this conversation to anyone. Your brother deserves discretion. "
"I know!" Shi Qingxuan bristled, "I'm not doing this for gossip, but I know that- Wait, that means you- You didn't say no!"
Shi Qingxuan, as usual while nervous, began to get lost in words. His last words rang in Shi Wudu's mind. But the logical part, always watching and analyzing the gains and losses ... This part told him that Old Pei had that expression on his face that made it clear that there was a "but" in it.
"Because your brother is important to me." Pei Ming's expression changed again, the tension as if it had faded and now something akin to melancholy has replaced it, “He's one of my closest friends. And I admit that my feelings for him are different from those for Ling Wen. Or to my other lovers. "
Shi Wudu stopped breathing for a moment, just waited for the blow, for the reason, for the explanation of why he couldn't have it.
"So why ..." Shi Qingxuan nervously squeezed a fan in his hand, and his face stretched suddenly with a look of utter panic. "Just because I-"
"No. Qingxuan, do you really think that if me and your brother decided to be together, your whining would prevent us from doing so? "
"Whining?!"
“It's not about you. In the end it would be us who would make ourselves miserable. Pretty quickly."
No one was able to see how the Shi siblings made exactly the same face at that moment. Complete shock and lack of understanding.
"I don't even like the fact that you're friends." Shi Qingxuan muttered “But… But if you know that ge… likes you so much, and it's mutual, how do you know it would end badly? You know him! He would treat you well! He always cares for his people! "
Pei Ming smiled. It was one of those smiles that made Shi Wudu unable to take his eyes off him. It appeared when Pei Ming spoke more as God of Love than as General Ming Guang, saying what was obvious to him, while Shi Wudu and Ling Wen could not understand those things.
“Because your brother wants me all for himself. And I can't do that. "
"Isn't it normal that if you like someone so much you want to have that person only for yourself?" even so deep in the subject, Shi Qingxuan could not connect the word "love" to his brother.
“For many people it is like that. But there are also those like me who just can't. I love a lot of people. More or less intense, shorter or longer. I couldn't limit myself to just one person, pretend I wouldn't want someone else."
"I doubt you would ever find anyone who would agree to this." Shi Qingxuan grimaced.
"There was a time when I had such a person." Pei Ming stared into the distance, as if forgetting for a moment who he was talking to, too deep in his memories.
Shi Qingxuan seemed to freeze, he just opened and closed his mouth. Shi Wudu only tightened his fingers on the fan, trying to calm down and focus on Pei Ming's words. Not for signs that Old Pei was right.
“He knew he was important to me, just as I knew that I would always have a place in his heart. And if we loved and were with other people, it changed nothing. Well, maybe except when they wanted to join us in bed. " Pei Ming laughed softly.
"Who was it?" Shi Qingxuan's voice was full of disbelief rather than curiosity. Because Pei Ming admitted at all to being in a relationship with someone that sounded like something bigger than a fleeting affair.
Pei Ming flinched as if the question had thrown him off the thoughts.
"It's not important. He ... Has been gone for a very long time. "
Shi Wudu felt the blood boil in him. Because Pei Ming felt the same. Because he knew. Because he had developed a whole theory about how it could have ended, and even at this point the chaos in Shi Wudu's head was proof that he was right. Because at that moment, Shi Wudu wanted to know this name, match it with a face, find out who the person was, and who could make Pei Ming look like that. So grieving. Still so full of longing.
Shi Wudu hated that person.
"But if my brother is important to you-"
"No," Pei Ming's voice rumbled. "Precisely because he is important to me, I don't intend to put us into a situation where one of us has to force ourselves to ignore our own desires. What would it do for us? Just more pain and a broken friendship. And no matter what other feelings I have, my friendship with Shui-ge is still too precious to me. Better than a few months of an affair that would have ended bitterly and tragically. "
"I do not understand this." Shi Qingxuan finally muttered. "I do not understand you."
Pei Ming just shrugged.
“That's my nature.“
And maybe that was it? Just as Water Tyrant restrained the waves, in some way he also wanted to tame General Ming Guang. Find this heart of stone and forge out of it something like a throne where only he could sit. Throughout the years of their acquaintance, Shi Wudu watched with fascination as General Pei's mask slid down and he could catch a glimpse of something else, only for the eyes of people closest to Pei Ming. And he wished to just one day see him without a mask, bare and vulnerable on Shi Wudu mercy. And as with every treasure, Shi Wudu would take care of him.
And then, when the mask would get back, he would still remember those moments without it how it belonged only to him. No matter who Pei Ming would later kiss or fuck, Shi Wudu would still be the one who won.
Shi Wudu looked at his hands, the shape of a fan that had been stamped on them from squeezing too tightly. He felt irritation, even anger, welling up inside him, as it always did when he felt someone challenging him. And weren't Pei Ming's explanations just that? The assumption that Shi Wudu would behave the certain way, that he would not be able to find a way out of this situation? Yes, it sounded like a challenge, one that Shi Wudu couldn't ignore.
He wondered if Pei Ming had mentioned that special person before. Contrary to appearances, Old Pei was not an effusive, and even after so many years of acquaintance, Shi Wudu knew very little about his past. But even in those scraps, he sometimes felt a shadow, a trace of someone who seemed to have etched his existence in Pei Ming thoughts that it would sometimes slip even without his knowledge.
Shi Wudu took a deep breath, straightened his robes and, as if nothing had happened, began to walk towards the still silent pair.
If the man that Pei Ming mentioned had succeeded, why couldn’t Shi Wudu?