Work Text:
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[GRIAN]
Statement of… hang on… what’s- the name here is smudged out and written over… Boo? B-O-O? That can’t be right. Well, statement of B-O-O regarding particular species of moss he grew at his landscaping business. Original Statement taken- no this part’s smudged out too. Who took this down? Regardless, statement begins.
[GRIAN (STATEMENT)]
I run a landscaping shop in town. Or… well I used to, with my friend Etho. B&E’s Perfect Landscaping service, finest in the area, a perfect job every time! We’d take care of design, installation, and we had some seasonal guys to help with maintenance too. We had a pretty good thing going, I did most of the design work -the creative visionary if you will- and Etho handled all the … I guess logistics. He knew his way around plants much better than I did, down to specific variants and species and what was native to the area and everything. So I would do all the drafting and planning, with his help of course, and he’d know what specific things to order so we could install it. Again, it was a great system, and we had a great couple of years doing that.
One of those jobs we got was with the old race track. I mean, I guess it’s not so much of a ‘racing’ track these days. It’s been through so many reworks and renovations you could barely take a horse at a canter through that thing! But the owners were looking to spice it up more as a trotting path for people and their hawsies, and that’s where we came in.
The minute I saw the name pop up in our inbox I took the request right away. You see I did a bit of construction as a side-job when I was in school and I’d helped build some of the buildings at the ol’ Horse Course. Not like full buildings; it’s more like a mini-golf course, they add to the atmosphere! But yeah, I was so excited to get back there and make it even more beautiful! Me and E, we could really breathe some life into the old girl.
The initial consultation with the client also went really well. We took a long walk around the course and talked about what their visions were for the landscaping. Etho was taking notes on any flowers or shrubs they mentioned, piping in to suggest alternatives if the one they were thinking of didn’t suit the climate (He was always smart about that sorta thing), and I was drafting some preliminary sketches based on what they were saying. I brought some of those in too, I don’t know if that helps with the whole statement thing. I finished one up and framed it as well, one of my best work. But anyway yeah, we had a great meeting with them and we had a solid plan for what we were gonna do.
I remember, just as we were leaving Etho noticed a bit of something growing in the shadow of one of the trees there (an old sickly thing, we were gonna rip it out and replace it with a willow anyway), and asked if he could take a bit back to the shop. The owners didn’t really care much since everything was getting torn out anyway, so Etho grabbed some of the moss, found an empty pickle jar in the truck and took it back with us. He said it looked like feather moss I think? A really soft variety, almost fuzzy. A bit weird to find in the middle of a field but I guess moss is persistent like that!
I feel like I should clarify- Etho did this a lot, taking a little bit of plant here or there from a job site and keeping it growing at the shop. It was his way of remembering the different projects, and then I got to use them to decorate the place whenever customers came by. Mostly little things like some wildflowers or a fern, but one time he did come back with a whole oak tree -a young one- in the back of the truck. He said “They wanted use it as firewood! It’s a black oak Bdubs, you don’t get those over here.” I was too busy laughing to question it. So we planted it outside. Hey the clients never asked about it, and that was like a decade ago and the tree’s gotten nice and bushy since then!
But anyways, back to the Horse Course. We go through all the draftin’ and plannin’, Etho ordered in some azaleas and other small trees to fill out the empty spaces, and I called up the guys to plan the installation. All the while that little bit of moss was happy as ever. He hadn’t even moved it out of the jar, I think he’d forgotten.
As we got closer to the installation day, the moss started lookin’ sad and wilted. Etho was out meeting with another client and I had to stay at the shop to get some deliveries. I thought “well, maybe I’ll just give it a bit of water, and open the lid, that should perk it up”. So I got the water spray, and when I opened the jar it made a little *piff* sound, like there was air trapped inside or something. But I gave it a spray and let it breathe a bit. Plants don’t like it too stuffy and I’m one to agree.
There ended up being some complications with installation. Some of the plants got delayed in shipping and Etho got called away on other stuff. But no matter, ol’ Bdubs was there chugging away with the crew getting these bushes in the ground and ripping out the dead ones. I kept finding more patches of that moss, one of them even in full sun on the most dried out patch of dirt you’d ever seen. I felt kinda bad tearing it out, I think I put some of it in my pocket before I left for the day? I don’t really remember.
I think I ended up finishing the installation for the Horse Course myself. Etho was on vacation for a bit I think, and the other guys weren’t scheduled that week. Hard work but boy it looked gorgeous at the end. We’d joked about buying the place ourselves to run races, just jokes but boy was it tempting. While things were quiet at the shop I took care of all the plants. What, did you think I wouldn’t? No way, they were Etho’s, and practically employees themselves! They helped sell the brand and everything. And I wasn’t about to let Etho’s plants die when he was gone, what kind of friend would I be?
That moss though, it was so stubborn. It kept growing, even coming out of the jar, but it still looked sad the whole time. I repotted it, I changed the soil, put it under the UV lamps in the greenhouse, put a fan next to it, everything. Still brown, still wilting. When Etho came back I hid the planter in the closet, I didn’t want him to see the moss all sad. He’d liked it so much when it was fuzzy, I wanted it to be perfect. I don’t think he noticed it, he just mentioned how the shop was a lot dirtier than usual and smelled like peat. I guess I’d grown accustomed to the smell, it’s kinda comforting after a while- makes you feel nice and warm.
We visited the Horse Course a month later. Usually we take a look after a week to see if things are rooting properly and set up a maintenance schedule, but it’d rained a lot so we weren’t able to go. When we did get there it was, well, mixed results. The landscaping we put in was all still good, still healthy and looking well hydrated with all the rain, but most of the moss we’d cleared was back. It wasn’t the end of the world, most of it was in areas where we put ground-cover anyway, but it threw off the vision a little. Etho suggested we could clear it again, I suggested we could take it back to the shop, which he laughed at. I didn’t really get the joke, he brought up the jar he’d got initially, and I got a little bit touchy about it. I was working hard to keep that moss alive and he wants to replace it?! We went back and forth for a bit but eventually it all calmed down. He didn’t mean anything by it and we hugged it out like best buds do. I don’t… know why but for some reason I remember the feeling of that hug being fuzzy. I don’t think he was wearing anything other than the cargo vest he usually wears, but it felt a lot softer. It was nice.
We got back to the shop with another patch of moss, this time in the cab with us, and I showed Etho the original one he’d grabbed. He was impressed by how much it’d grown, and said I’d done all the right things to keep it alive which was a relief. He wasn’t sure why it looked as sad as it did, going even as far as clipping a piece off to get a better look at. Again, he was the plants guy, I was just the guy who made things look pretty. He put the clipping in the original jar and then we moved the old patch into a bigger container with the new stuff. I almost didn’t want to let it go, it was so soft compared to the scratchy stuff, and I kept some in my pocket like before.
Work came a bit slower for the next few months, as it tends to do in winter. Just slogging through inventory and old invoices, doing occasional maintenance and pruning here and there, the works. Etho had to leave for a few weeks again, but business was slow so I didn’t mind. The moss patch bounced back though, I was so happy! It was so soft and fuzzy, I almost fell asleep on it a few times. It felt like a cozy sweater or a blanket you could just wrap yourself in.
I kept tending to it, of course, just like the other plants while Etho was gone. I think I barely left the shop that whole winter. I almost didn’t even notice when a utility guy came by to check our furnace, until he started complaining about the smell of the place and “Doesn’t anyone clean around here? It looks completely overgrown!” that sorta thing. When I came out to talk with him after he’d finished he nearly jumped out of his skin, saying I looked like I hadn’t moved from the overgrowth in years. Bit rude if you ask me, I just had a little bit of moss that must’ve rooted on my shirt when I was cutting up the other patches from the course. Very soft and insulating, so why would I remove it? I think that was the last time anyone tried to bother me in person.
Etho still hadn’t come back so I was working all shifts in the office. I answered the phone, sorted old invoices, compiled inventory reports, scheduled the maintenance crews, argued with clients about invasive plants, took some more trips to the old Horse Course to rip up more moss, the works. I was mostly working out of the shop, I didn’t want to leave the plants alone because what if they went and died on me again after all that hard work? I made that greenhouse into a little cozy paradise that I could just crawl into. All the plants were so happy and lush, the moss was the most beautiful emerald green; soft as a feather on my skin, warm like a nice hug, I felt at home.
The shop’s not getting much business these days, thank goodness. It means I get to keep working on my own projects. Whenever the customers do come back though, I bet they’ll love it. It’s like a perfect landscape job right there in the shop! I haven’t seen Etho in a while either but I’m sure he’s coming back soon. I think he’ll love what I’ve done with the place, and all his plants. I wanna give him a big ol’ Bdubs hug, softest one he’ll ever get!
Thanks for listening to me again, it’s been real nice to actually talk to somebody. I’d love to stay and chat more but I need to get back to the shop; sun’s getting low and I gotta get sleep. You should come by sometime though, I’m sure I could do something with those shrubs in the front walkway.
Statement Ends.
[GRIAN]
B dub- oh I get it now it’s B Double O. Huh, strange nickname. Made it even more of a nightmare to track the man down or his alleged landscaping business. Pearl spent half the day searching up all the landscaping services in the area, none of them were called “Perfect Landscaping”. Mumbo ran a database search with the drawing this… B Double O provided and managed to locate the ‘Horse Course’ he kept referring to: an old ranch named “Hollow Hills” out in the countryside that used to be something of a tourist trap with miniature castles and statues and what looks like an artillery range. It’s been completely overrun with invasive mosses, ivies, and the like for the better part of three decades.
We did find one article about an old greenhouse next to a garden supply that had collapsed a few months back. Something about how the owners had left it in neglect and the plants inside rotted away the structure, and the whole thing came down in a storm. There was no one inside but the police did find evidence of an animal den in the greenhouse, or at least the bones left behind.
This isn’t the first time we’ve had a statement about a man named Etho either, though neither he or this B Double O person show up on the list of owners for the greenhouse, or any others in the area for that matter... (sigh) You’d think with a name that unique we’d have more of an idea just who he was but either Mumbo is horrendous with profiling or this Etho just- does not want to be found. I-
Scar, you can come in, the recording’s done.
[Door Opens]
[SCAR]
Oh good! I wasn’t sure because you always have that super serious face whether you’re reading the statements or not.
[GRIAN]
Yes, it’s the face I make when I’m focusing on something. It might be good for you to try sometime.
[SCAR]
Hey! I focus all the time! I’m focusing right now in fact!
[GRIAN]
Did you bring the other things from the case file I asked you for?
[SCAR]
Deyyeaaii-I that’s what I was focusing on! Yeah, here are the drawings from that grouchy lookin’ guy.
[Papers shuffle, a jar is placed on the desk]
[GRIAN]
I mean, the silhouettes do line up with what Mumbo printed out and- wait. What do you mean ‘grouchy lookin’ guy’?
[SCAR]
Oh you know, the guy who gave the statement! He was this really weird lookin’ fella, kinda short, err- maybe your height, bit taller? And he looked like Oscar the Grouch! He was in like this ghillie suit looking thing. It was so strange!
[GRIAN]
What do- Scar, did you take down this statement?
[SCAR]
Yes of course I did! Honestly Grian it hurts me deep in my scarred heart that you don’t appreciate all the work that I do for this institute.
[GRIAN]
When?! And… why is it so dirty?
[SCAR]
Maybe a few months ago? He just came by one day, you were out sick I think. I talked to him for a bit, he gave the statement and dropped off the drawings and the pickle jar and then left! Made a mess of the front lobby, I was finding moss growing on paper stacks, the carpets, and out in the front garden for weeks!
[GRIAN]
Scar I… (groans) goodness what am I going to do with you.
Just... well, we’ll get this all filed away, you can bring the jar down to artifact storage and please for your own sake be careful on the stairs this time.
[SCAR]
I’ll do my best!
[Door closes]
[GRIAN]
(sigh)
Hm? Oh. End recording.
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