Chapter Text
Adam, Kim, and Makayla sat around the dining table eating dinner, the little girl putting up a constant chatter about her day at school. Adam and Kim listened as intently as they could, but Makayla was talking a mile a minute.
“And then, Kylie told me how her brother took a bath in their kitchen sink! Mom, can I do that?”
“Uhh, honey, I think you’re too tall for that,” Kim replied, chuckling.
“Oh,” she replied sadly, but that only lasted a few seconds. Her face brightened up again with enthusiasm.
“Well, then can I have a baby brother like Kylie so we can give him baths in the kitchen sink?” Makayla asked, looking at both Kim and Adam as if it was something they could pick up at the mall next time they were there.
Kim and Adam, who were both stunned into silence, just stared at their daughter as the seconds ticked by, and slowly turned to look at each other.
“Well, can we?” Mak asked again, more impatiently this time. This seemed to startle both the parents back from their shock, and they hurried to explain to her how it wasn’t just something you could get in a day.
“Honey, we should talk about this later. How about if you finish everything on your plate, we can have a quick bath and then read two more stories than usual?” Kim bargained. Baby brother talk forgotten, Mak quickly finished her dinner, while Kim and Adam were both lost in their own thoughts.
Adam stared at Kim as she picked at her food. Clearly the little kiddo had taken them by surprise, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about another baby. His and Kim’s baby. Theirs. Over time, as they had continued to raise Makayla, the wounds he’d suffered from losing their baby had slowly begun to heal. He still thought of their rice grain baby and what could’ve been, but Makayla had saved him from imagining a life without a child. She was truly his in every way that mattered. But lately he’d had begun to feel the desire to build their family. He’d been too afraid to bring it up in front of Kim, however. Their experiences with the miscarriage had obviously been completely different, but more than anything he knew she still harbored a lot of guilt over losing their baby, and the last thing he wanted was to bring up bad memories.
But this thing with Makayla had given him a perfect excuse to bring it up. Maybe it was time they had an honest conversation about this.
~
Once baths had been had and stories had been read and Mak had been tucked in, both of them went about cleaning up the dinner mess, not saying much to each other. But Adam was wondering how to bring up the baby, and he couldn’t think of any other way than to get straight to the point.
“Hey, so about the bab—” she started.
“Can we talk about the ba—” he started.
They laughed, the tension easing immediately. This felt more like them. They looked at each other, smiles fading.
“You go first,” he said, leaning against the kitchen counter. He wanted her to say what she wanted to first simply because he had no idea where she stood with the idea of having a baby. She took a deep breath and nodded.
“So… about the baby thing. I mean… have you… do you… think about it?” she asked. Her expression was guarded but curious, and he knew she was nervous. He’d decided earlier to be honest, so he answered as honestly as he could.
“Yes. I think about it all the time, Kim. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy with our life. But I’d be lying to you and myself if I said I didn’t think about having another kid,” he said. Kim looked shocked at his answer.
“What? But... you never said anything! How’s that possible? We tell each other everything, Adam!” she exclaimed.
“Yeah, we do. But…” he sighed. “Look, I don’t wanna bring up any painful memories for you, okay? I know sometimes you get really sad and just shut everyone out for a few hours, and you pretend like everything’s okay after that, but I know you. I know you’re thinking about our baby,” he told her, holding her gaze. Her breathing picked up, and her eyes were shining a bit. He hated that, he hated when she cried. Immediately he reached forward to put his arms around her, but she stepped back.
“No, stop. How could you not tell me this, Adam? This is huge. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation after our seven-year-old brought it up,” she said, running a hand through her hair.
“Okay… well, maybe I should’ve brought it up before. But I was honestly scared to bring it up because I didn’t wanna upset you, and I thought you just didn’t want to have more kids,” he tried to explain.
“So. You want more kids,” she stated. “Why?”
“Why do I want kids?” he asked in confusion.
“Yeah. Why do you want kids? Is our life not enough for you? Me, and Mak…” He was shaking his head before she finished talking. He stepped forward and framed her face with both his palms.
“How can you say that? You know how happy I am. You and Mak are my whole life. I’d be happy for the rest of my life if I got to spend it with you both. But I think about our baby sometimes, and what life would’ve been like. Look, I love our life. I love that Makayla crashed into our world and completed it. But do I sometimes look around this house and wonder what our kid would’ve been like? Yeah. I do. I’m not gonna lie to you, Kim. I know I didn’t bring this up sooner, but I’m not gonna lie to you about this now,” he said.
She nodded her head. Taking a step back, she turned and walked out of the kitchen. His heart dropped, but he followed her, determined to not let this become a conversation they just never finished.
“Kim—" he started.
“I just need a minute, okay?” she snapped. He jerked back as if her words had physically hit him. She sighed, running a hand through her hair.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to… to snap at you. This is just a lot,” she said. He just shook his head, only understanding painting his face.
“It’s okay. I get it. But… are you honestly so shocked about me wanting a baby with you? It’s not that crazy of an idea,” he said. She looked at him for a long moment.
“It’s not. It’s not a crazy idea at all,” she whispered. Her eyes filled with tears again.
“Hey. Please don’t cry. We don’t have to have any more kids, okay? I swear, I’m so happy with our life. I love you and I love Mak. You’re both my world. I don’t need anything else, okay?” She sniffled, and his heart ached. As much as he wanted to try for a baby with her, he wanted her happiness more than anything.
Kim’s mind was running a mile a minute. She’d had no idea how her evening had turned from an easy dinner with her family to talking about trying for another baby with Adam, but here they were. But when she put it that way… it didn’t really sound so crazy. She’d been to therapy after her miscarriage, but she realized there was still a lot she’d kept inside, and it had created a wall in her mind. Now, as they stood in their home, she looked at Adam. She could see how much he loved her. How could she not? He only let it be known in everything he did and everything he said. His love for her and Mak was so visible, they were always surrounded by it. And when she really thought about it… sharing that love with their baby didn’t sound like the worst thing. So what was holding her back?
“I’m scared,” she blurted out, shocking both herself and Adam.
“Darlin’, you have nothing to be afraid of. I told you, I’m happy. We don’t even have to talk about this, okay?” he reassured her. She smiled then, understanding that he was willing to sacrifice his desire to try for a baby because he thought she didn’t want to have kids.
“That’s just it… I’m scared because I do want to talk about having another baby… but I’m scared of losing it again,” she admitted. He stopped breathing for a few seconds. Had he heard her right?
“Kim… it’s not gonna be like that again. That’s just not gonna happen again, okay? I won’t let it,” he said. She had to smile again. Her fierce protector.
“You can’t guarantee that,” she replied. And when he was about to start to protest, she cut him off. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna try,” she said.
“You… you really wanna try?” he asked hopefully. She smiled and took a step toward him and kept taking one until she was close enough to put her arms around his neck. As if on instinct, he wrapped his arms around her.
“Adam… look, I’ve thought about more babies with you, okay? I think my mind was just blocking it because I was afraid of us losing it again. I promise I’m not just saying any of this, okay?” she reassured him.
“So… we’re really gonna try?” he asked, and this time, she couldn’t mistake that look for anything else. Pure joy radiated from his face and seeped into her soul. She knew in that moment that she could be—and probably would be—scared, but she would go through it again just to see the look on his face right now. If just the thought of trying for a baby made him so happy, she couldn’t imagine his face when—if—they had their baby. She already knew what an amazing father he was to Mak, and he’d be the same amazing father to their future kid.
In answer to his question, she raised her tippy toes and kissed him slowly, pouring all her love into it. He responded immediately, tightening his arms around her, holding her so tight to him there was no space between them.
“I love you, you know?” she told him when they came up for air. She smiled at him.
“I love you, Kim. So much,” he replied, pressing another kiss to her lips. “And I’m gonna love our baby. He’s gonna be the best baby in the whole world,” he rambled.
“Hold on a sec, he? How do you know it’ll be a boy? It can be a girl, too. What if we have a girl?”
“Darlin’, I will love our baby no matter what. But we’re gonna have a boy. I just have this feeling,” he said.
“Oh, you have a feeling, now, do you?” she started teasing. “What’s this feeling you have? Some kind of psychic connection with my womb?” She laughed when he scrunched up his face in mock horror.
“I’m not sure about your womb, but my psychic powers are telling me… you’d like some ice-cream right now,” he said. She laughed again, shaking her head.
“Hmmm. Maybe you do have psychic powers…”
“I told you I did! My powers are also telling me…"