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Ran stood outside Jackie’s door at a presumably ungodly hour in the morning, hand hovering over the handle. The inevitable nightmares finally caught up with him, something about everything being his fault. His people were trapped and he was to blame, all because of one human and a failed mission.
He didn’t regret his choice, he knew he never would, being able to live in the same world as Jackie was better than anything the Council could have guaranteed him. But he still felt guilty about everything, like he was responsible. And in a way, he was, but the Council should have had more respect for these people.
His hand continued to hover over the handle. Jackie didn’t deserve to be caught up in all of this, in Ran’s mess he’d gotten himself into. Jackie deserved a break after all of this, his hand faltered from the handle. Why would he even come here if he didn’t want Jackie caught up in this? Because all you want is to be listened to, cared for this one time, a voice in his mind supplied.
Ran shook away those thoughts, Jackie promised to be there, and he trusted Jackie. Ran slowly opened the door, making sure it creaked slightly to alert Jackie that he was coming in. Ran peeked his head in through the door, Jackie sat at his desk hunched over papers.
“What are you doing awake?” Jackie jumped at Ran’s voice and turned around to face him.
Once Jackie registered Ran his expression shifted from surprise to something softer, “I could ask you the same,” Jackie turned towards the papers on his desk, and Ran entered the room, closing the door behind him, “Just working on general stuff, y’know, paperwork and planning.”
Ran stood next to Jackie, viewing the paperwork, most of it was scribbled out in rough handwriting he recognized to be Jackie’s, “What about you?”
Ran’s placid expression faltered, “Couldn’t sleep,” Jackie hummed in response.
“You can stay here for the night if you want,” The general shrugged as he spoke, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.
“Can I?” Ran asked hesitantly, he didn’t want Jackie to feel forced to let him stay the night, the last he wanted was to make him uncomfortable.
Jackie looked to Ran and smiled, a lamp on the desk bathed his face in soft light only making the small smile line on his face even more noticeable, this small detail causing Ran’s stomach to turn every which way, “Of course, you don’t need to worry about staying here, I like it when you’re around,” And that was what broke Ran internally, the idea that Jackie somehow, someway, wanted Ran of all people to be close to him. It broke and shattered him into a million tiny pieces before whisking him back up in a whirlwind and placing him back together every so delicately and more aligned than before.
On the outside though, Ran gave his best at a polite smile, his face no doubt dusted green. Jackie turned to continue sorting through his paperwork and Ran moved towards the bookcase on Jackie’s wall, surveying each shelf. Ran selected a fictional book that piqued his interest and crawled into Jackie’s bed, making himself comfortable leaning back against the headboard and reading a book. They sat in each other's company for what could have been hours or minutes, just enjoying the comforting presence of the other.
At one point Jackie leaned back in his chair, catching Ran’s attention while he stretched back and yawned, “I should really get some sleep,” He faced Ran, who was still sitting on the bed and reading.
“Do you want me to leave so you can sleep?” Ran closed the book and set it on the bedside table.
“I already said you could stay Ran,” Jackie stood from the chair, turned off the lamp on the desk, and walked to the bed, “Scoot,” Ran moved to the side to make room for the general. Jackie climbed in, covering the two of them in the blankets bunched up at the edge of the bed, turning off the light on the bedside table and plunging the two into darkness before laying down.
Ran noticed how much warmer everything was with Jackie around, not annoyingly hot or overbearing, just a comforting heat that melted his limbs like honey. Ran sighed, relaxing into the warmth of Jackie’s body heat under the blankets, his eyes even heavier than before. He struggled to keep them open, scared to be sucked into a world of nightmares and fears, his heart rate sped up at just the thought of his previous terrors. He shifted onto his side, now facing where Jackie was laying, it was dark. So so dark, the silence of the room was overbearing.
Ran felt fear bubbling up in his chest, cutting through his mind like a knife through butter. He didn’t want to feel this way, like back in those caves. Those dark caves, where he was trapped, were unceertain if he was going to be alive. The acceptance of death creeping around every corner, haunting him as though it were a vengeful spirit. Not back there, not again, he couldn’t do that again. Curling in on himself and letting out a chirp of distress he felt a warm hand touch his face, and two familiar blue eyes came into view.
“Hey, you okay there?” Ran stared back at the boy in front of him, he shouldn’t be dragging Jackie into this. He could deal with this on his own, he didn’t need help. Didn’t want to be seen like this, weak and fragile. Yet somehow that was the only thing he wanted, to let everything out, to have someone listen. It was so confusing, emotions were confusing.
“...Yes I’m fine sorry,” Ran finally said after blankly staring for what was probably an unnormal amount of time.
“No no, it’s okay Ran,” Jackie’s thumb brushed his cheek, bringing him back into reality, “I can tell something bothering you and I- well I want to be there when you need me to since were- uh- partners and all, but don’t feel pressured to tell me anything, y’know- I’m kinda shit at emotions- but yeah,” Jackie gave a small smile, “That probably wasn’t coherent at all, was it?”
“No, not really, but I think I understand,” Ran returned the smile.
Ran curled in closer to Jackie, soaking in the sunshine warmth that radiated from him, Jackie tentatively wrapped his arms around Ran, cradling the back of his head as though it were a precious flower. Ran relaxed into the general's arms, allowing the warmth to spread through him and turn his thoughts to mush. He knew this wouldn't last forever, that the fear would return one day, but for now, he was fine. Curled up in the arms of a boy made from rays of sunshine and explosions of color.
Ran wrapped his arms around Jackie and wound his tail around his leg, attempting to be as close to him as possible. To show how much he cared for him, how much he just wanted to stay here forever. Jackie hummed lightly and gently pet at Ran's head spines, causing all previous thoughts racing through Ran's head to cease. Instead, the sensation of Jackie running his hands through his spines took over, he never knew something could feel so overwhelming yet calming at the same time.
A low rumbling started in his chest but he didn't pay any attention to it, drowsy from his lack of sleep and whatever this was, "Ran?" Ran trilled in response, not able to form words at the moment, "Are you purring?" Jackie asked in the softest voice possible.
He broke from his trance, and once he focused on it, sure enough, the rumbling sounded similar to purring which you might hear from a cat, "I guess so," Ran mumbled.
"This is like your weakness or something, isn't it?" Ran only warbled and leaned into the hand which was now cupping the side of his face. Jackie laughed lightly and continued to soothe Ran, lulling them both to sleep.