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Doctor Stephen Strange may be the Master of the Mystic Arts and the Master of the New York Sanctum. He may have helped save the world from Thanos and everything that happened after: fixing the tear in the universe after a certain incident of spells-gone-wrong involving a teenage boy with spider-like abilities, eliminating a one-eyed octopus monster that wreaked havoc in the city, encountering an Avenger (or maybe, former Avenger now) who lost her way and helped her through her grief and madness to the right path.
But as life goes on, one question stays in Stephen's mind.
"Are you happy?"
It was a simple question asked by Christine Palmer on her wedding day that feels like ages ago. Stephen still remembers how elegant Christine was in her white gown, and also how suffocating his necktie and pressed suit felt.
Back then, he had immediately answered out of reflex, "I'm happy." Usually, people would accept his answer and move on to other topics. But Wanda Maximoff easily saw through it. "I know better than most what self-deception looks like."
That thought keeps Stephen up at night in his chamber, contemplating whether he is, well, happy.
He is aware that he has been a selfish prick and an asshole in this universe. He made the wrong choices, he messed up so much until his chance for romance with Christine – the only woman he's ever loved, is gone.
But what if there is a chance to make things right with Christine? What if there is a universe where he is truly happy?
Stephen gets off his bed and walks to one of the empty rooms. It is still dark and quiet. He can glimpse the moonlight peeking from the windows. With a wave of his hand, he calls the candles over and sets them up around him in a perfect circle then lighting them all with a flick.
"You hypocrite." Although she is not physically by his side, Stephen can hear Wanda's voice reminding him in his head.
"I know."
Despite only performing it only once, Stephen still remembers the hand movements and spells required to Dreamwalk. It is a dangerous ritual written in the Darkhold that allows the user to possess someone in the other universe. Hopefully this is the last time he will Dreamwalk and he won’t get corrupted for using the Darkhold magic one more time.
Taking in a deep breath, Stephen starts the ritual. His hands glow red. At the same time, a web of wispy, red pulsing lights showing the different universes appear before him. Stephen skims through each one of them. This one is him without Christine. He swipes it aside and peers into the next one. Another universe of him without Christine, and another, and another…
Until there is one where he sees himself with Christine on their bed; chatting, smiling, happy.
That's the one.
He closes his eyes and lets his astral body travel through the dream.
---
When he opens his eyes, Stephen finds himself on the bed in an apartment. The walls are covered in minimalist but tasteful wallpaper with artsy paintings hanging here and there. There is a path that seems to lead to a walk-in closet. The bedroom is quite high-class, but different from the one he used to live in back when he was a famed neurosurgeon. Maybe because it is a different place after all.
He turns around and feels his heart warming up at what he sees. Even though she doesn’t wear any make up and her brown hair is all messy and spread out on the pillow next to him, Christine still looks as beautiful as ever. There is a strand of hair covering her face, which Stephen tucks behind her ear carefully to not wake her up. She sleeps soundly, her chest rising up and down in a steady rhythm. He can never get enough of this view.
If only this happened in his universe. If only Christine was by his side on his bed, just like this.
Suddenly, his body gets up from the king-sized bed. Stephen is confused – he didn’t command his body to even leave the bed. He tries fighting for control, he wants to be back on the bed looking at Christine, but the body doesn’t listen. This has never happened before – probably because the only body he has ever Dreamwalked into before this was a dead body without will.
His body walks away from the bed, opens the door, walks a little bit more, and opens another door which apparently leads to a bathroom.
He sees himself in the mirror. His black hair has no white streaks and is cut in a slightly different style. He still has the same goatee in this universe. But to his surprise, his reflection in the mirror isn’t the Stephen Strange of this universe, but of his own.
“Who are you?” Stephen of the other universe asks in a commanding voice. “Where are you from and what do you want with my body?”
When Stephen doesn’t answer, the other Strange preses. “Once again… who are you and what do you want with me?”
Since his silent possession is busted, sooner or later he will have to reveal himself, right? Besides, this Stephen Strange doesn’t seem as hostile as the gloomy, sinister Stephen Strange he met in the other universe.
Stephen starts, “I am Doctor Stephen Strange. I am you from the other universe.”
“Oh,” Strange muses. “So apparently what The Ancient One told me was real. The multiverse.”
Hmm. Despite living a seemingly normal life, the other Strange has also apparently come into contact with the mystic arts. Perhaps it’s constant in every universe. Stephen chooses his words carefully, baiting the other Strange to tell more. “You have met The Ancient One.”
Strange nods. “Yeah, I did. Did you?”
“Same here. Tell me your story.”
Strange begins, “I got into a car accident which ruined both my hands and my career.”
“Me too.”
“It’s comforting to know I’m not the only stupid Strange,” Strange jokes dryly. “I tried every possible way to heal my hands, until I heard about this person… Jonathan Pangborn, who found spiritual healing in Nepal. So I went there, one way ticket, trained in Kamar-Taj to do all this crazy shit – making portals… magic shields… astral projection… mirror dimension…”
As Strange rambles on, Stephen realizes that it was all the same like what happened in his universe, until Strange says, “But I turned down The Ancient One’s offer to do more. I felt that was not what I wanted. Like Pangborn, I used the magic to heal my hands and went back to New York.”
So that’s where their paths diverge.
“What happened next? Did you go back to being a neurosurgeon?”
Strange shakes his head. “I decided to put down my knife and let someone else hold it.”
It reminds Stephen of what Christine told him at the wedding. She said she can’t be with him because he always has to be the one to hold the knife, to be in control. “Was it hard? To put it down?”
“Yes. At first.” Strange admits. “But it feels better afterward… Freeing. Knowing that you don’t have to always call the shots. Knowing that you no longer have to be responsible for every single life on the table.”
That was something Stephen never thought before. Although most people tend to see him as a neurosurgeon with a high success rate, there were times when patients with very complex conditions came to him, filling him with anxiety and stress to save the life in front of him. And there were times when he failed too. Still, he proceeds, “So what do you do now?”
“I’m teaching at universities and other medical facilities.” Honestly, this career path of the other Strange doesn't really surprise Stephen considering the amount of universities who requested him to become a guest lecturer back then. Some people around him, like Christine and West, said his methods may be unusual and harsh but they learnt a lot from him. He wonders how this Strange teaches his students - if he is the harsh, strict lecturer kind, or the ideal teacher.
“That’s a very different life from mine,” Stephen replies. It’s fascinating to see how his life could have been had he chosen another path. A single choice changed his life so much.
“What's your life like?” Strange asks in return, a glint of curiosity is clear in his eyes.
“Well… I decided to serve something greater than myself.” Stephen lets out a smile. “I studied and trained, delved deeper into mystic arts, became the Master of the New York Sanctum. In my universe, there is a group of superheroes called the Avengers. I helped them defeat this huge purple alien guy who wants to collect powerful magic stones and decimate half the universe.”
“Wow.”
“And then I helped this kid that accidentally called the villains from other universes… There is another kid who can punch star holes into different universes…”
“Damn.”
“Right.”
Strange chuckles in amusement. “Your life sounds so much more exciting than mine.”
“Maybe,” Stephen replies bitterly. “Much more stressful though.”
This gains a scoff from Strange. "Occupational hazard."
He decides to ask this Strange the dreaded question: “Are you happy?”
“I’m good where I am,” Strange replies with a slight smile. It’s rare to see himself like this – less guarded, relaxed, smiling more. But Stephen doesn’t expect to be asked back, “And you?”
The question makes Stephen pause. Not this question again.
But if there is anyone in this world who knows him well, other than Christine, it would be himself. So he returns the question. “You already know how I am just from a glance, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” Strange’s deep, sympathetic voice reverberated in the bathroom. “What happened?”
It feels weird talking things out with yourself like this, but perhaps, this may help him feel better. “Christine got married.”
“Okay,” Strange nods.
“Not to me.”
“Aww. I’m sorry.”
It feels weird being consoled by your own self, but somehow it’s comforting. “Don’t worry about it. I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?”
That question again. Is he really okay with how everything has been? He still remembers the heaviness in his heart seeing Christine walking down the aisle to a man that is not him. He thinks of Christine sleeping on Strange's bed and the happy life they must have had. The possibilities, the what-ifs.
When Stephen looks up, he sees the other Strange staring at him in concern. “I’m listening.”
Be honest with yourself, right? Stephen sighs. “Am I happy? I don’t know anymore. I have gained more power and knowledge. I can do many things most people can’t. People praised and admired me. I have saved the world. By right, it should have made me happy. But apparently, not.”
There is a silence between them, leaving Stephen with his thoughts.
“You know…”
“Yeah?"
"I always wonder what my life would be like had I made a different choice when The Ancient One asked me. Thank you for choosing that path and telling me what would happen."
His reply isn't something that Stephen expects. "You're welcome… I guess."
Strange gives him a consoling smile. "I honestly never thought I could even travel to another universe to meet the other me, but you did. I never thought someone like me would be able to save the world, but you did. Give yourself more credit, Stephen." He then breaks into laughter. "Damn, it feels weird calling yourself."
It makes Stephen smile a little. "I know right?"
"You're doing well, Stephen." Strange reaches out to pat his reflection on the shoulder. "You're doing so well. In case no one told you that."
"I appreciate it," Stephen answers. His chest feels tight with emotion and had he less self restraint, perhaps he would have cried.
Silence fills the room again until Strange breaks it. "Let me see… Did you tell Christine how you truly feel?"
"I did." Stephen replies heavily. "And honestly, many times I wished I was nicer. If I was more understanding and less prideful, maybe we could have worked out… just like you and your Christine."
Strange looks at him sympathetically. "I heard a saying that if one door is closed, another will open. I don't know how it is in that other universe, but if it didn't work out with Christine, maybe you are destined to be with another person."
Stephen did hear the same saying before, but hearing it at the time he needs it most gives him enlightenment.
Strange gives him a smile. "Don't lose hope, Stephen."
Stephen looks at his other self right in the eye. "Thank you. Don't make the same mistake like I did."
"I won't. I will take good care of Christine."
Although he still can't be together with Christine in his universe, it gives Stephen relief knowing that in this universe Christine will be loved and taken care of. And this universe's Strange found his happiness. That's all that matters.
"Thanks again. And I guess it's time for us to go back."
When Strange goes back into the bedroom, apparently Christine is awake. She rubs her eyes and asks him groggily, "Where did you go?"
Stephen feels his heart constrict. He puts on a smile and replies, "Oh, I was in the washroom." He climbs on the bed and joins Christine.
Damn, Christine is really beautiful. Stephen cups Christine's cheek and gives her a soft kiss - something that he certainly can't do in his universe.
He gazes into Christine's eyes. "I love you, Christine. I love you in every universe."
"What went into you? That's so cheesy," Christine giggles. "But also very sweet. I like it. I love you too, Stephen."
---
Perhaps it’s true that the best way to get over a heartbreak is an alcohol and a company. After a couple of drinks with Wong and several drunken meltdowns, Stephen feels more at peace with himself.
He observes the watch that Christine once gave him. The glass is still broken, like his heart was.
But it's time to move on. He gets himself a new watch cover. Replacing it takes a lot of dexterity and patience, knowing his hands, but it's now as good as new.
And it's time for a new phase in his life.