Chapter Text
The Grand Wizard King’s plan was, in Gregory’s honest opinion, stupid at best and a malicious lie at worst. He’d raved for years about how much he hated the elves, going so far as to have a song commissioned about how their former queen was a bitch. He had a similar sentiment towards her son, the current ruler. The war between humans and elves had raged on and off for decades, something Gregory was all too familiar with from his military days. Yet now the Grand Wizard wanted their kingdoms to be united.
He’d summoned Gregory and Princess Kenny just a week prior. There was a gleam in his eye that Gregory had learned to never trust.
“You know how a bunch of our peasants stole the Stick of Truth and fucked off?” the Grand Wizard had said.
“Considering how you don’t shut up about it? Yeah, I know,” the princess replied.
“I believe the troubling situation concerning the Nyght Kingdom is on everyone’s minds,” Gregory said. The Grand Wizard rolled his eyes at that.
“Ugh, do not give them any credit by calling them a fucking kingdom. Just because some shitty little thief managed to—”
“Feldspar was quite renowned, actually,” Gregory interrupted. This earned him a threatening glare from the Grand Wizard.
“God, what is with you and defending them? They’re just dumbasses who just got lucky.” Gregory bit his tongue, knowing he was on thin ice. He’d hardly call his brilliant strategy for swiping the Stick just getting lucky. It was some of the most precise planning he’d ever done, in fact. Too bad he’d been betrayed the moment his plan was executed.
“I just don’t think they should be underestimated,” Gregory said and left it at that. The princess, surprisingly, nodded in agreement.
“There’s definitely more to them than meets the eye,” she said. “And if they’re really serious about wanting to destroy Kupa, which they seem to be, we can’t just ignore them. We gotta do something.”
“Well, my dear Kenny,” the Grand Wizard grinned, “that’s exactly what I wanted to talk with you about today. I’ve got a kickass plan.”
With the new Nyght Kingdom on the rise and in possession of the Stick of Truth, their two kingdoms (the humans of Kupa Keep and the elves of Larnion) were in a temporary truce and now on their way to a wary alliance. Gregory enjoyed the relative peace– he found the elves fascinating and loved learning about their culture. The partnership lasting beyond the defeat of the Nyght Kingdom would be a dream come true. Still, he was incredibly suspicious when the Grand Wizard declared he also wanted that and that the best way to seal a lasting alliance would be union between Kupa’s own princess and the high elf king himself.
Well, she wasn’t originally Kupa’s. The princess once had her own kingdom called Sony, but after Kupa had defeated it, the Grand Wizard shockingly let her continue to rule alongside him. Gregory suspected it was because he could tell how much the public adored the princess and hoped to boost his own image simply by associating himself with her. Now he hoped to use her yet again in what Gregory was certain was a plot to take over and destroy the elven kingdom. The princess usually kept much of her face obscured which made her difficult to read, so Gregory couldn’t tell if she knew the Grand Wizard’s intentions. The mischievous twinkle in her eye made him believe she did but didn’t care, or had another agenda all her own.
Despite his suspicions and distaste for the plan, as top royal advisor, Gregory had to accompany the Grand Wizard and Princess Kenny on their journey to Larnion. He was also an unofficial bodyguard, in case their paladin proved insufficient, which happened more often than it should. If the princess didn’t have a soft spot for him and the Grand Wizard didn’t find him so easily manipulatable, Gregory was sure the paladin would’ve been banished years ago. There was something about the two Kupa rulers that irked him and he wished more than anything that La Resistance had worked out.
Instead, he learned too late that what they ultimately wanted and what he wanted were two different things. At least they’d respected his wishes to refuse to join them when he found out. Perhaps it was his fault though for never stressing that the goal of La Resistance was reform, not destruction.
Maybe this alliance is for the best , Gregory thought as he pulled aside the curtain in the carriage to stare at the elven palace as they approached. The elves have a way of ruling that I’ve always appreciated. I could use this as an excuse to implement changes in Kupa, or worst case scenario, defect entirely. The latter didn’t appeal to Gregory, though, because he felt defecting was akin to admitting defeat. It was a coward’s way out, to use his connections to abandon Kupa and its citizens, rescuing only himself. Besides, even if he wouldn’t admit it outloud, what Gregory really wanted was to be in charge himself. He knew he’d need advisors and allies to keep track of an entire kingdom, but he couldn’t trust anyone but himself to be the one creating a truly fair system.
“Ey, close that, would you?” The Grand Wizard rapped the end of his staff on the back of Gregory’s hand that held the curtain open. “I don’t want street elves getting a view inside here.”
“Don’t you want to see the city surrounding the palace? It’s quite nice.” Gregory looked at the princess. “I’m sure you do, your highness, seeing how you’ll likely be living here soon.”
“Just let Cartman have what he wants,” the princess sighed, waving her hand dismissively. “He’s already in a mood just being here and I don’t want to make it worse. There’s so much of the trip still left.”
“I am NOT in a mood!” The Grand Wizard glared at the princess. “It doesn’t hurt to be cautious, Kenny! What if the elves already sided with the Nyght Kingdom, huh?”
“Intel says they haven’t,” Gregory said.
“Yeah, well, intel changes,” the Grand Wizard huffed, arms crossed in a pout because he knew Gregory was right and there wasn’t much anything to say to refute it. The princess still gave Gregory a look that made him sigh and close the curtain.
Once the carriage stopped, the paladin (who had been riding up front with the driver) rushed to open the door and announce each of them as they stepped out. The first thing Gregory noticed was how wonderfully fresh the air was.
All around them were trees, bushes, and other greenery that embellished the front of the palace. It brightened his mood immediately, making him forget about how much of a pain the stupid carriage had been, especially when he was trapped with two of his least favorite people. He took a deep breath, relishing in the sweet aroma of the colorful flowers dotting the lawn.
Gregory had been to the palace years ago, a young noble attending a gathering with his parents, and wondered if the ground had always always been this lovely. It would be unlike him to forget such a detail.
The second thing Gregory noticed was how disappointing the welcome party was.
Calling it a welcome party was too generous, actually, since the only person waiting for them was a man that Gregory had a strained acquaintanceship with at best.
“Ah, Stan Marshwalker! It’s been a while!” The Grand Wizard grinned as innocently as he could and clapped the ranger on his shoulder. Stan bit back a grimace.
“Hey Cartman.”
“Uh, it’s Grand Wizard King Cartman, actually. Or ‘your grand wizardness’.”
“I’m not calling you that.” Stan turned to the princess and bowed his head. “Your highness.”
“Hello Stan,” the princess smiled. The ranger smiled back. Gregory had once heard that they’d known each other as children in the kingdom of Sony, but when it fell, Stan fled and sought shelter with the elves. Anyone with a grudge against Kupa had been a friend to the elves back then, even if they were human. It was how Stan of Sony had become Stan Marshwalker, Larnion’s top ranger and the high elf king’s right hand man. He fancied himself an excellent strategist, supposedly, but every one of his plans that Gregory had had the misfortune of deciphering were terribly convoluted and confusing.
“So where’s your little king?” The Grand Wizard, obviously upset with the preferential treatment towards the princess, made a show of looking around at nothing. “We better not have come all this way for us to not even talk to him. That’d be so like Kyle though, to do that. Fucking elves, am I right?”
“Don’t be a dick,” Stan scowled. “Ky– I mean, the king is waiting for you in the garden. He just sent me out to get you. You can follow me.” He turned, then looked back over his shoulder. “And stay on the pathways. The royal gardener doesn’t want people walking on the grass and flowers and stuff.” Stan gestured for them to follow as he walked on a stone-lined dirt path around the side of the palace. Gregory walked next to him and stuck out his hand.
“I don’t believe we got to say hello, by the way.” He hoped that was a subtle enough way to let Stan know it had been rude to ignore him. Ignoring the paladin, understandable, but Gregory was a noble.
“Oh.” Stan looked at his hand, then sighed and shook it. “Yeah. Hi Gregory.”
“Of Yardale.”
“I don’t really do titles, in case you didn’t notice.”
“Hard to believe the king lets his royal advisor get away with that.”
“I’m not his royal advisor.”
“What are you then?”
“I’m his—” Stan paused his stride momentarily, thinking, then shook his head and continued on. “We don’t have the same political system as Kupa, you know.”
“I’m well aware,” Gregory sighed, wishing that the Grand Wizard and princess weren’t in such close range. Even if they seemed distracted, the princess and the paladin attempting to quiet the Grand Wizard’s complaining, he knew now was a bad time to say any of his true thoughts.
Instead, he turned his attention back to the grounds, which were lush with plants of all kinds. Everywhere he looked was beautiful, but not in a forced and sterilized way. It was a little wild, but not in an overwhelming sense. More like whatever natural biodiversity there was had been nurtured and taught to compliment itself.
“You mentioned something about a royal gardener?” Gregory asked Stan. “They’ve done wonders around here.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty good,” Stan shrugged.
“I would love to meet him,” Gregory smiled. “I think Kupa could greatly benefit from any horticultural insight he’d be willing to share.”
“I mean, if you start talking to him about dirt and soil types he won’t shut up but…” Stan laughed awkwardly. “You probably don’t actually want to meet him. He’s kind of… intense.”
“How so?” Gregory asked. Before Stan could answer him, he heard the Grand Wizard say from behind him “Oh, there he is.” Indeed, a little ways in front of them, sat King Kyle at a table in a clearing. He noticed them and waved. Stan waved back, a proud smile on his face, before the Grand Wizard pushed past him and started to walk directly over to the king.
“Cartman, wait, you gotta stay on the path!” Stan called as the Grand Wizard was about to ignore the curve needed to get to Kyle and instead cut through a bed of soft blue flowers. The Grand Wizard flipped Stan off and proceeded to take his step off the dirt path. From seemingly out of nowhere, a man appeared and shoved the Grand Wizard back onto the path via a shovel to the gut. The Grand Wizard nearly fell, stumbling as he tripped on his robes, then turned to glare at the man brandishing the shovel, held pointed at his neck like a threat.
“Ey! You dare to lay a fucking hand on me? I’ll smite you right now, I swear to Dai!”
“Try eet, beetch,” the man snarled. The Grand Wizard let out a frustrated yell as he raised his staff.
“Stop!” The king ran from around the bend and placed himself between the Grand Wizard and the man. Stan quickly jumped in front of the king, his sword drawn.
“Oh jeez,” the paladin said. He fumbled to draw his own weapon, but the princess put a hand on his shoulder and shook her head. The paladin looked uncertain but stood down. This was already a diplomatic disaster, but there was no need to exacerbate it. The Grand Wizard still held his staff aloft, but when he realized none of the rest of them were jumping to assist him, his resolve wavered a bit.
“Kyle, tell your rabid bitch to heel and MAYBE I won’t smite him.”
“Shut up, fatass!” The king glared at the Grand Wizard, but turned around to face the man anyway. “Christophe, please, calm down.” The man, Christophe, glanced at the king, then turned his attention to Stan.
“Didn’t you warn zem?”
“Of course I warned them!” Stan rolled his eyes. “Didn’t you hear me yell at Cartman right before he stepped off the path?”
“You should ‘ave stopped ‘im instead of just yelling zen!”
“Christophe!” The king placed a hand on Christophe’s shoulder, sighed, and spoke in a softer tone. “It’s okay. Cartman is going to be careful from now on. I’ll make sure of it.”
Gregory noticed how Christophe relaxed at the king’s touch and how the king rubbed his thumb on Christophe's shoulder. He had a bit of a guilty look as he did, likely related to how Stan broke his concentration on the Grand Wizard to frown at the bit of affection. Gregory decided to simply raise an eyebrow and say nothing. As long as Larnion’s emotional affairs didn’t interfere with their politics, it wasn’t any of his business.
“... d’accord,” Christophe muttered, a word Gregory didn’t understand. He knew some high, proper elvish, was this perhaps an offshoot dialect of it? It might explain the man’s odd accent too.
“Can you put the shovel down?” the king asked. Christophe slowly lowered the shovel and put it in a sling that went across his back. The Grand Wizard, satisfied with this, put down his staff.
“Glad to see you’ve got your dogs well whipped. Nice work, Kyle.”
“You’ve got some fucking nerve, Cartman!” The king pushed past Stan to shove a finger at the Grand Wizard’s chest. “You come to my kingdom, blatantly disobey the rules that m y ranger gave you, and then insult and threaten my royal gardener?! You’re so—!” The king balled his fists and yelled in lieu of completing his sentence. Stan placed a hand on his shoulder and the king sighed, relaxing at Stan’s touch, but his smile seemed strained when he turned to face the Kupa nobles.
“Paladin Butters the Merciful. Gregory of Yardale. Princess Kenny,” he said, a small bow accompanying each of their names. “Welcome to Larnion. If you agree to be civil, I’m willing to enter into talks of a union with Kupa against the Nyght Kingdom. How about over lunch?” The king walked down the path, careful to follow the curve back towards the table he had been sitting at earlier. Stan followed right at his heels and Christophe shot them a warning glare before walking down a side path Gregory now realized he’d run in on. The Grand Wizard let out a low whistle and rocked on his heels.
“Well, this turned into kind of a shitshow, huh?” he muttered. “We’ve been here for five minutes and I’ve nearly been assassinated twice. Fucking elves, I’m telling you.”
“I don’t mean disrespect,” Gregory muttered, absolutely meaning disrespect, “but I’d hardly call it ‘assassination’ when you’re the one who provoked them.”
“Wha– I did not! It’s Kyle’s fault for hiring a fucking bastard. Feral halfbreed bitch, threatening me with a damn shovel...”
“He may have been a bit aggressive, but there’s no reason to call the man a ‘halfbreed bitch’,” Gregory frowned.
“I’m being literal, okay ass-munch?” The Grand Wizard rolled his eyes and grabbed Gregory’s face, turning him to look at Christophe. He was kneeling by a bush, half tending to it, half watching their group. “Look, see those ears?” As much as it hurt to admit, the Grand Wizard was right. Gregory didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed earlier, but plain as day, he now saw that Christophe’s ears were pointed, like all elves, but they were also rather… short.
“My God, he’s a half-elf,” Gregory mumbled.
“And kind of a catch,” the princess said. “Look how broad his shoulders are. You can really see the muscles under that peasant shirt. Think he gets all sweaty, being out here all day?”
“Goddamn it, Kenny,” the Grand Wizard said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t start fucking the staff until AFTER you’re married to Kyle, okay? Also, you can do better than him. He’s covered in dirt, like a… mole or something. C’mon.” He walked down the path, correctly this time, and the princess followed him. She nudged Gregory as she passed him, eyes darting in the direction of Christophe, and she winked.
“You see what I’m saying, don’t you?” she said, a smile in her eyes. The paladin dutifully trailed after her and left Gregory to bring up the rear. He tried his best to not stare at Christophe’s short ears, not wanting to be rude, but it left him staring at the man’s shoulders instead. The princess was right–
they were quite broad.