Chapter Text
For Neeska - you were a joy to work with! Thank you for the amazing art!!!! Thank you to DizziDreams for the beta job! You are a rock and a rockstar. LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!
Dear Diary,
I've been informed that it would be "healthy" to learn how to better express myself. I do believe that my brother likes to think he is my therapist in addition to my manager. He means well, but I do not see how this will help me.
Regardless…Allow me to introduce myself. I believe that is normal behavior. It feels right, and since I will be telling you many personal thoughts, you should know who I am.
Hello. My name is Lan Zhan. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
I would understand if you were curious and confused why a man in his mid-twenties suddenly decided to journal his thoughts. Even with his brother's prodding. (I am the man in question if that was not clear.)
This has been…building for some time now. The last two years, if I were honest. Ever since I met Wei Ying. The studio has asked that we work on another album together today, and I'm uncertain I can survive the coming weeks without additional support.
Support which my wonderful brother has decided would be best in book form. He looked rather pained when he told me that Wei Ying and I would be working together again.
I cannot fathom why.
Wei Ying is a delight to work with. Even when he isn't. He's smart. Talented. Thoughtful. His musical genius is unparalleled. It's why we share a Grammy.
Perhaps I should explain who Wei Ying is, as you will be hearing more about him. That might allow you to have a better understanding of him.
Wei Ying and I met two years ago on "Who Wants to be an Idol". The show, to be clear, was not my idea. Lan Huan - my brother - encouraged me to try out for it. Wei Ying's brother, Jiang Cheng, apparently did the same to Wei Ying. The panelists suggested that we would get further in the competition if we didn't compete as solo artists, but rather formed a small duo. I had my reservations at first.
On the surface, Wei Ying is a bit of a prankster. He doesn't seem to take anything seriously. This could not be further from the truth, not that I knew this at the time. Wei Ying is just…free in a way that I admire. Perhaps it is even fair to say I envy his freedom.
Regardless.
We came together to compete as a duo. It went so well that we won, split the recording artist prize, and completed our tour last year. We've had a bit of a break since then. Not that we have been out of each other's lives. We have merely taken time to recover from the way our lives drastically altered.
Please see the aforementioned Grammy.
We had discussed going our separate ways, now that the show's added novelty had passed…However, the studio thinks there is still merit to a partnership between us, and our managers agree.
Managers, meaning our brothers.
Brothers who, apparently, don't actually want us to work together, but do.
I find it somewhat oxymoronic, but my opinion on the matter is irrelevant.
What is relevant is that:
I am in love with Wei Ying.
Deeply, hopelessly in love with him. I can't get him off my mind. Ever. I want him with me constantly. And now, he wants to move in with me.
I should explain.
When Wei Ying heard about the album we are to work on together, he called me and expressed a desire to live with me. Temporarily. Because he believed that being close to each other would be beneficial to creating music together for this album.
I believe he will be a distraction. He's…*Wei Ying*. He's loud. He teases me constantly. He's *always* touching me (Please…Please never let that stop…But also please make it stop. I only have so much control over myself, and Wei Ying tests it). He's always in my space and talking to me.
And I love it.
I want all of it.
I do not see how this environment will be conducive to creating an album. I told Wei Ying as such.
*I told him*.
I am going to his house for dinner tomorrow to discuss it.
Please keep me in your thoughts.
Best,
Lan Zhan