Archive of Our Own

Bobby had not expected to be a father again.

The night that the fire took away his family - the night that he had killed his family - he had ceased living. Sure, yes, his heart had kept beating and his lungs had kept breathing, but that was because his body hadn’t caught up with reality. It had been a ghost that entered the 118 and took the captain position. It was a dead man that cooked and joked, that made shallow friendships with those around him, because bonds were for the living.

He kept a record of every life he saved, tallying it up so he could pretend that he was ever going to break even. And yes, suicide was a mortal sin, but what was a mortal sin to a man already dead? No amount of confession and forgiveness would ever wipe clean his slate. What kind of God could ever love someone like him?

148 lives he had taken, and so 148 lives he planned to save, before taking one more.

Except, He was cruel and creative with His judgements. If all a man wants is permission to stop, the worst punishment is to keep pushing them on. His blood, to start: unique and special and capable of saving so many, many precious children. And then those shallow friendships became something deeper, something stronger, anchoring him to life no matter how he resisted.

“We’re not a family,” he had said once. And oh, what a lie that turned out to be.

Bobby had never thought he’d be a father again.

When did it start? Was it on that first day, when the cocky looking kid came in and introduced himself as Buck? Was it when they went to that Springsteen concert together? When he gave him that second chance? Was it before or after Buck stopped calling him Pops? When he taught him how to tie a tie, helped him to get ready for his first real date?

It was a moment he had never gotten to share with Robert.

It was a moment that apparently Buck’s own father had never shared with him.

The kid never, ever spoke about his family. He would talk, at great lengths, about himself without ever actually talking about himself. Learning about Buck’s childhood was like feeling along the edges of a thing and trying to figure out the shape of it by what wasn’t there. It was like searching for a blackhole by seeing where the starlight wasn’t. There were so many glaring absences.

His parents, first and foremost.

Bobby might not know when he started being a father again, but he knew when he realized it. Getting a phone call from the hospital had been terrifying in ways he had not felt since… Since St. Paul, since Marcy and the kids, since before the fire and the drugs and the drink and the pain. Seeing Buck in the hospital bed, so small and still when he was almost always larger than life, hurt in ways he was long familiar with.

Bread. The kid could and would walk through fire without a care, and he nearly died choking on bread.

But that was when he knew. When he was standing there at the end of the hospital bed, thanking God and Abby both that his kid was okay, that was when Bobby knew.

The plane landed at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport late Monday afternoon. Stepping out of the pressurized, climate-controlled cabin had everyone thankful that Bobby had insisted on them keeping jackets as part of their carry-on. Ten degrees might not have been much of a difference, but it didn’t matter when they’d been in sixty-degree weather only a couple hours before.

“Okay, so what’s the plan for today, pops?” Buck asked as they waited to get their rental van. It was six of them - May had claimed she couldn’t wiggle out of work, but Buck had the suspicion she just hadn’t wanted to go - and that meant whatever they got needed a lot of legroom.

“I was thinking today we get settled at the hotel and then eat, and tomorrow we’ll be tourists,” Bobby told him, thanking the rental guy when he finally got them their keys.

At the mention of food, Buck felt his stomach grumble.

“Could we maybe get food and then go to the hotel?” he asked, giving the captain a sheepish look. The captain laughed.

“I think that could be arranged.”

The minivan they rented left much to be desired in regards to space. Or maybe that was just Buck’s opinion, because he’d been mercilessly cast into the back with “the other kids” by Athena when she called shotgun. It didn’t help that  everyone’s luggage had migrated into the back with him, most of them on the floorboard around his feet. Buck ended up twisted around with his feet in the seat between him and Harry, sticking out his tongue at Eddie when he laughed at him from the middle row, where he and Chris were sitting. 

“Buck, put your feet down,” Athena scolded from the front.

“There’s not enough room,” he whined, causing the others to laugh more.

“Make room.”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes like an angsty teenager, because he just knew that Athena would climb over the seats to smack them out of his head, Buck got to work rearranging everyone’s bags. He felt absolutely no guilt when Harry ‘accidentally’ got a couple thrown into his lap. It was simply karma for laughing at him.

“You’re sitting back here next time,” he told Eddie while they worked on scooting Chris’ seat up a bit. “Y’know, because you’re so short and pocket-sized compared to me.”

“It’s only two inches, mi sol,” his husband said, rolling his eyes. Buck kept from giving the obvious response, because there were children and his parental figures in the minivan with them.

“All my height is in my legs. You know that, you all know that. I complain about it enough whenever I have to get new uniform pants.”

“That’s fair,” Eddie said, nodding. “Now how the hell does this stupid thing- Aha!”

There was a general cheering as they managed to move the seat up some, Chris giving a small ‘whee!’ at the motion. Buck still felt like his knees were in his chest, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been. He stretched his left leg out between Eddie and Chris’ seats, his husband dropping a hand so it rested on his shin.

“Everyone good now?” Bobby asked. He nodded as everyone gave various noises of affirmation. “Good. Athena, it’s been years since I’ve been here, do you mind looking up places to eat?”

“Sit down or drive through?” She already has her phone out, looking up destinations. With a glance at Buck in the rearview mirror, Bobby let out a sigh.

“Drive through.”

“There’s a McDonald’s on the way to the hotel.”

Bobby made a face even as Harry and Chris immediately started begging. Buck mouthed “one black coffee” to Eddie, making the man laugh. 

Robert and Brooke had been young - so very young - when the fire took them. They hadn’t yet become angsty teenagers, they’d barely had the chance to be moody preteens. Bobby had been denied the opportunity of being faced with slammed doors and eyerolls and, well, the general angst and moodiness that came with an upset teenager. But he could easily imagine that it would have been something quite similar to the way Buck acted during Eddie’s first couple of shifts.

Watching Buck stomp about the station like a threatened tomcat, hissing and spitting and in general trying to make himself look bigger and tougher, was all very amusing. It was also annoying, because the two of them were meant to work together, and that could not happen if Buck was too busy treating Eddie like he was the rival jock in some teen coming-of-age movie. Thank Christ Eddie was capable of at least pretending to act his age, and was perfectly content with just letting it all roll off him like water on a duck’s back.

(In hindsight, it was clear that this was less macho territorialism at play, and more insecurity and fear. In hindsight, after meeting the Buckleys and learning how they had almost thrown their child away like trash, everything about those first couple of shifts with Eddie took on new meaning. In hindsight, he understood that Buck had seen Eddie not as a partner, but as his replacement.)

Maybe, perhaps, he took what had worked with Robert and Brooke whenever they had their fights and used it with Buck. Whenever they got upset over some small slight, he and Marcy would make them do something together and it would almost inevitably lead to them getting over whatever the problem had been. So he told Buck to help Eddie with the guy who got a dummy grenade stuck in his leg, and hoped that it would work.

But of course, because He was still punishing him for his sins, the practice round turned out to be a live round. And Buck being Buck, he insisted on helping Eddie in getting it out of Charlie’s leg.

“Listen, Buck, you don’t have to do this,” Bobby had told him, because he did not want his kid anywhere near a live explosive.

“You think I’m gonna let the new guy have all the fun?” Buck had responded, all fake confidence and cheer. “Besides, you wanted us to bond. We might end up real close.”

Christ on high, did he want to strangle him.

At least, after the ambulance exploded and he gained a new patch of gray hair, his plan had worked. Buck and Eddie became practically inseparable, like those first couple of shifts had never happened. It was a complete 180 from how Buck had been acting, and he was surprised that no one at the station was suffering whiplash from it.

Seeing the two of them getting along gave Bobby the same exact feeling he used to get whenever Brooke and Robert made a new friend.

Because it was off season - no one wanted to go to the Twin Cities in April - they managed to get two rooms right beside each other at a good deal. The hotel also had a pool, which the boys, and Buck, started campaigning to swim in even before they’d finished unpacking. The argument that they had just spent three and a half hours cramped in a metal tube swayed the adults in their favor.

“I cannot believe we crossed three time zones just to go swimming,” Eddie grumped. “We could do this at home.”

“In what, the pool we don’t have?” Buck retorted. “Or in the public pools that are constantly crowded?”

“We knew we’d end up here, that’s why we all packed swimsuits,” Bobby reminded them.

The hotel pool was deserted because, again, it was the off-season. There wasn’t a lifeguard on duty, the sign blatantly telling them they were taking their lives into their own hands, but the general consensus was that they’d be fine. If Buck and Chris could survive a tsunami, the others could all keep from drowning in three feet of chlorinated water. And it was very chlorinated water, enough that it had Buck scrunching his nose at the smell the moment they stepped foot into the room.

It didn’t stop him from stripping off his shirt and wading into the water. Almost immediately, Harry and Chris tackled him from behind, doing their best to drag him under the depths.

“Buck!” Eddie called out, and he turned to face his husband, who was standing a foot from the edge, holding his phone out. “Say cheese.”

Buck did so, and even Chris and Harry paused in their attempts at drowning him to smile at the camera. His phone, along with Bobby and Athena’s chimed a moment later from where they were laying on a nearby table with the rest of their things. The sergeant picked up hers and snorted at the screen.

“What a lovely picture,” she drawled. She was sitting in one of the patio chairs, seemingly content with simply reading on her Kindle while everyone else splashed about.

“Maddie wanted proof that we made it here alive,” Eddie said, setting down his phone and stripping off his own shirt. Buck was so distracted by the sight that Harry actually managed to dunk him for a moment. He came back up sputtering and wiping at his eyes, because,

“Holy shit that burns, what the hell.”

“The chlorine?” Eddie asked, wading up to him. Even at the deepest end, the water was only at their chests, so it was as easy as walking.

“So much chlorine,” Buck said. He blinked a couple times and then shook his head, sending drops of water everywhere. The boys didn’t seem to be too bothered, Harry and Chris happily splashing at each other. It was good exercise for the latter, at least, whose growing pains always came with more complications than they did for everyone else. “Gah, some of it got in my mouth.”

“That’s what you get for being distracted,” Bobby chided. He’d also joined them in the water, and was shaking his head at him.

“It’s Eddie’s fault.”

They spent some time playing in the pool, starting a game of tag that quickly devolved into simply splashing whoever was in reach and then trying to swim away from their victim as fast as possible. It was fun, right up until they managed to accidentally splash Athena and they were all certain that death was imminent. She glared at them as she wiped herself down, and Buck found himself, along with Harry, hiding behind Eddie and Bobby.

“I think I’m gonna try out the hot tub over there,” Buck said, and then quickly scurried to the side of the pool opposite the annoyed sergeant. He pulled himself up and out of the water, tugging at his shorts when the water threatened to keep them, and turning when he heard a splash followed by the sound of Eddie sputtering.

“Dad got distracted,” Chris explained from where he was floating a bit away from his father. Harry was looking very pleased with himself.

“You two,” Athena muttered, shaking her head as she got herself resituated.

Grinning brightly, he padded to the hot tub. It was almost-not-quite too hot when he tested it, and he let out a delighted groan as he sunk into the water. The sloshing of water had him turning his head, and he spotted his blushing husband making his way to the tub as well.

“Our kid is right over there, along with Bobby and Athena,” Eddie hissed at him. “Could you keep the bedroom noises to a minimum, please?”

“Sorry,” Buck said, not really feeling all that apologetic. “It’s been so long since I got to soak like this. We’re putting this on the list, Eds.”

“So no stairs,” Eddie said, letting out his own - if subdued - groan as he eased into the bubbling water with him. “More than two bedrooms, a good kitchen, and a hot tub.”

“I’ll settle for a regular tub. A proper one.”

“I think we can swing it,” his husband said, and then straightened up from where he’d slunk down. “Done with the pool, Chris?”

“Bathroom,” the boy said, using the railing of the pool stairs to climb out of the water. Eddie and Buck both moved to get out and help him, because Chris and wet surfaces were not the best of combinations, no matter the circumstances, but Bobby shook his head at them.

“I have to go as well,” he told them as he got out as well. The captain grabbed himself and Chris both a towel, helping him wipe himself down so he didn’t go dripping down the hotel hall. Afterwards, he grabbed his crutches and trundled off to the bathroom, Bobby not-quite-hovering behind him until they moved from the wet tiles of the poolside and onto drier land.

“He called him his grandkid,” Buck said, settling his head on Eddie’s shoulder as they both relaxed back into the heat. Honestly, if they spent the entire trip in this hot tub, then it would be more than worth it.

“Does that really surprise you?” Eddie asked. “He calls you his kid.”

“That surprises me every day,” he admitted.

“Is this a thing we need to talk to Copeland about?”

“I’ve talked to her about it before,” Buck told him. “I think this is just going to forever be a thing. I don’t think I’m ever going to not be surprised that I have a family that wants me.”

Eddie was silent for a moment, before saying,

“I hate Margaret and Phillip.”

“Sh, don’t speak their names. They might appear, like the Candyman.” Eddie had sat down with him a couple weeks after Ravi had jinxed their shift, on a night Pepa had Chris, and watched the movies with him.

“If they do, I’ll shove them into the pool.”

“You truly do say the sweetest things,” Buck said. A thought struck him, and he found himself giggling over it.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing, just… Two bros chillin’ in a hot tub, right next to each other cause we’re really gay.”

“You are such a dork,” Eddie told him, shaking his head. “And neither of us are-”

Whatever else Eddie was about to say got interrupted by the sound of running feet and a pair of delighted squeals. Buck lifted his head up to see a pair of twin girls, no older than five or six, running into the room. A harried looking woman was tailing them, carrying a bundle of towels in her arms.

“Cara! Mia! Stop running!”

Neither child was paying their mother any mind, cheerfully jostling each other as they ran around the wet tiles, giggling the entire time. With instincts honed by living through many a disaster, Eddie and Buck immediately started getting out of the hot tub. At the very least, they were going to have to deescalate the situation, because Athena looked about ready to start disciplining the girls herself. And no one ever took it well when a stranger started scolding their kids.

“Cara!” the mom tried again. “Mi- Mia!”

One of the girls - Mia, apparently - slipped on the wet tiles. She fell, hitting her head on the edge of the pool and rolling into the water, leaving behind a wet red smear and a small cloud of blood. Already on his way, Buck immediately went into the water after her, scooping the little girl off the bottom and bringing her back to the side of the pool, where Eddie was waiting. Athena was already standing and on the phone, reciting their location and what was going on to the 9-1-1 operator.

“My baby!” the mom said, having dropped the towels to run to her daughter’s side. Mia was awake and sobbing, having coughed up a couple mouthfuls of overly chlorinated water. There was blood steadily streaming from just above her hairline.

“What happened?” Bobby asked, having returned in the middle of everything. When Buck looked around after pulling himself out of the water, he found Chris hovering anxiously by Athena, joined shortly by a still dripping Harry.

“Head injury,” Eddie explained, falling into professional mode, which was… Uniquely distracting, when the man was half-naked and wet. “Fell into the water, I’m not sure if she lost consciousness at all. Buck, could you grab one of those towels?”

“On it,” he promised, mindful of the wet tiles as he grabbed one of the hotel towels and brought it back, folding it as he did so. He handed it to Eddie, who immediately pressed it to the head of the still crying girl.

“Can you tell me your name?” Eddie asked her, dropping into the same caring voice he used to use whenever a much younger Chris tripped and skinned his knee.

“M- Mia,” she hiccupped.

“And your sister’s name?”

“Cara.”

“Like caramia,” he said. “Do you remember what happened?”

“I was r- running, and I f- fell.”

“And this is why we don’t run near pools,” Buck said.

“Buck,” Eddie scolded as the girls’ mother glared. “Not the time.”

Buck held up his hands and backed up a step, ducking his head as he did so. 

Pools were definitely not going on the list of things their new house needed to have.

It had been many years since Bobby had spent a Christmas being anything but lonely. Even after he started talking to the others at the station, even after he started the tradition of sitting down to eat together, it still took forever for him to actually let them in. It took Buck and Hen finding him at his lowest, and then staying because they genuinely cared and wanted to help, for him to start actually reaching out. 

That first Christmas with Athena had felt like he was on the precipice of something. Something great, something wonderful, something forever. But he couldn’t help but feel like he was stepping into a family already fully formed. A family that was - at that time - Athena’s far more than it was his. There was Michael, Athena’s ex-husband. There were Harry and May, Athena’s children. There were Hen and Karen, Athena’s friends long before he was Hen’s captain. 

But there was Buck, too. Buck, whose sister was finally back in his life after years of silence, except she had chosen to spend their first Christmas back together, apart. Buck, who had volunteered to work last Christmas just as he had, and probably would have again if he hadn’t obviously been hoping to spend it with Maddie. Buck, who was perhaps feeling just as lonely and alone as he used to.

Buck, who was his kid.

Even if Bobby hadn’t spoken that thought aloud, yet.

They didn’t sleep in on Tuesday, even if it was a vacation. As Eddie had learned long ago and had taught Buck, routine was paramount for Christopher. That remained a fact, no matter how much things changed or how old he got. Or, perhaps, the routine was even more important because of it. This meant that they still got up at the same time as every other day they weren’t working, falling into the familiar steps of every morning before.

Chimney had hated his early morning exercise routines, Buck remembered. It wasn’t the only thing about Buck’s short stint living with him that had annoyed the man - he had, perhaps, been a horrible roommate after moving on from Abby - but that was one of the biggest. And now here he was, doing push-ups right beside his husband while their son did his stretches. It felt like he had slotted right in beside the two of them, into a place in their family that had been waiting just for him.

After their stretches and exercises, they took turns showering and brushing their teeth, before calling to have breakfast brought up to them. The hotel management, very thankful for the fact that they had kept a child from drowning in their pool, had pretty much comped them for everything.

“Any clue what we’re doing today?” Eddie asked over their bacon and eggs and bagels.

“Bobby said something about taking advantage of the warmth while we had it,” Buck answered. His husband frowned and grabbed his phone to check the temperature, which was decidedly not warm by Los Angeles or El Paso standards. “So maybe one of the parks around here. But it’s also supposed to rain this evening, so we’ll probably have to see.”

It turned out that Buck had made a very good guess, because a couple hours later - they’d had to wait for the Grant-Nashes to get up, the lazy bums - they were once again in the minivan, going through St. Paul traffic. This time, it was Chris and Buck in the middle row of seats, with Eddie stuffed into the back with Harry, twisted around so his legs were stretched out in the middle.

(Athena’s claim to the front seat was unquestioned, and none dared to challenge her for it.)

“Where are we heading today, pops?” Buck asked.

“I was thinking,” Bobby started, and Buck caught him glancing at Chris in the rearview mirror for a moment. “I was thinking we should head to Como Park. A lot of trails, a lot of walking,” Another glance at Chris. “But there’s also a zoo and conservatory. They’re both free.”

“What’s a conservatory?” Harry asked from the back.

“Big greenhouse, lots of flowers.”

“Oh.” Clearly, Harry was not excited by this particular prospect.

“Doesn’t the Como Zoo require reservations ahead of time?” Buck asked, because he had googled things ahead of this trip.

“Yes,” Bobby answered. Buck narrowed his eyes at him.

“You already made them.”

“Yes…”

“So we’re going to the zoo,” Eddie said. “We crossed three time zones to swim in a pool, and then do the same thing Buck and Chris do pretty much every other weekend.”

“Well, Athena, Harry, and I are going to the zoo,” Bobby said. “You all can do whatever you want.”

“No, no, the zoo is fine,” Eddie said, already crumbling under the combined weight of Buck and Chris’ puppy dog eyes, even before they had the chance to fully turn them upon him.

“Isn’t there a big, antique carousel there, too?” Buck asked, because - again - he had googled things.

“And I guess we’re doing that, too.”

“Actually, the carousel isn’t open until May,” Bobby said, and Buck slumped in disappointment.

They got to the zoo entrance just in time for their reservation. One of the employees took one look at Chris’ crutches and immediately offered a wheelchair, which the boy vehemently turned down.

It was weird going to the zoo with the Grant-Nashes, with Harry specifically. The three of them had a routine down pat, mostly following Chris and allowing him to see everything at his own pace. This meant that sometimes, they’d stay at the same exhibit for anywhere from ten to twenty minutes. Some days, on days that Chris wasn’t quite up to walking as much, they’d end up staying at a single exhibit.

Usually one of the primates, because those were always fun to watch.

Harry, though, was an impatient visitor to the zoo. He seemed to want to see everything all at once, often rushing off to the next animal and then doubling back in a huff. At least it didn’t seem to bother Chris too much, because he was spending most of his time happily educating Bobby on the various facts he and Buck had learned about the various animals over their visits to the LA zoo.

“Oh! These are from back home!” Chris happily declared when they got to the sea lions. He pointed at the display sign, carefully pronouncing as he read aloud, “Zalophus californianus. See?”

“So they are,” Bobby said.

“They can swim up to twenty-five miles per hour, and they can stay underwater for ten minutes,” Chris recited. “The girls take almost an entire year to have a baby, and they’re polygynous.”

At the last word, all the other adults turned on Buck. Each of them had an eerily similar expression, and a very judgmental one at that. As Buck was sputtering for an answer, Harry asked,

“What does polygynous mean?”

“Pops said it meant one guy with a lot of girlfriends,” Chris happily answered.

“Do you come with parental controls?” Eddie asked Buck.

“No,” Buck answered.

“We all wish you did, though,” Athena said. “Didn’t you once tell a bunch of children that Santa wasn’t real?”

“I was trying to cheer them up!” he said, trying to defend himself. “I said that the mall Santa wasn’t the real Santa! Pops! Pops you were there, back me up.”

“I was there,” Bobby confirmed. “And so I am definitely staying out of this.”

And then he literally turned his back on Buck, choosing to focus on the sea lions instead.

“One of the kids literally asked me if Santa was going to die, what was I supposed to do?”

“You always have the right to remain silent,” Athena said.

“If only he had the ability,” Eddie said.

“You all are bullying me. This is bullying,” Buck huffed, stomping his foot. “I’m going to look at the penguins.”

Eddie caught his wrist before he could properly stomp off in a huff, pulling him in close so he could wrap his arms around him.

“We’re sorry, mi sol,” he said. “We’re just teasing. You’re very cute, and I love you.”

“Thank you,” Buck said. “I still want to go look at the penguins. The zoo back home doesn’t have any.”

“Then we’ll go look at the penguins,” Eddie said.

It was hard to be pouty while watching penguins playing, but Buck tried his best.

The worst night of Bobby’s life was, by far, the night that the fire took Marcy and the kids. It remained in that position, uncontested, for years after. Honestly, he could not conceive of a way that anything would ever beat it. What could possibly be anywhere as bad as losing his entire family to a fire that he, however accidentally, caused?

The answer came in the form of a vengeful child.

It was a miracle that Buck didn’t die that night. It was a miracle that he didn’t lose his leg. It was a miracle that he could walk at all. It was a miracle, all of it, and Bobby thanked God with every breath.

But along with the relief, there was so much guilt. Because just like with that fire, this had been his fault. Freddie Costa had been after him, and Buck had just been collateral damage. His kid had been collateral damage. He made sure he was there for every surgery and through the rehabs, shrugging off the tantrums that came with the pain of healing.

Then, just when he thought they were in the clear, his kid was coughing up blood right in front of him. And then, because God was not yet done, they nearly lost both him and Chris to the tsunami.

Afterwards, Bobby decided that he just couldn’t do it. He had nearly lost his son three times in the span of just a few month. And Buck was very much his son. He had been there in the aftermath of each and every near-death, while his blood relations - with the exception of Maddie - could hardly be bothered to show. Buck was his, blood be damned, and he would not, could not risk losing him again.

It was simple logic, really. Maybe it was flawed, but so was Bobby. But Buck initially got hurt on the job, he got hurt because of Bobby. The embolism would never have happened if not for the bombing, and Buck would never have been on the pier if not for the embolism.

So, yes, Bobby lied. He broke Buck’s trust and went behind his back and decided his future for him. But Bobby didn’t need Buck to be happy with him, he just needed Buck to be safe. He could live with Buck being angry with him, as long as he was safe.

Why couldn’t he understand that Bobby just wanted him safe?

After the lawsuit, which was just as much Bobby’s fault as anyone else’s, he had the option of transferring Buck elsewhere. But why would he do that? He couldn’t keep Buck safe if he was working at another station.

“You know, Karen and I make jokes about locking Denny up. For his protection,” Hen had told him that Halloween night, on Buck’s first day back to the station. The day that Buck spent as the man behind, handing out candy and smoke detectors to children instead of being allowed on any calls with them. “But the truth is, protecting him like that, it wouldn’t be for him. It’d be for us. You know, we’d be robbing him to give ourselves some peace of mind.”

It had been about as subtle as an exploding ladder truck, but Bobby still didn’t listen. Instead, he went to Buck and told him to go home early, because he didn’t want to overtax him on his first week back. He just sent him home with a “Good work today,” as if it made everything better.

But Buck would always be Buck.

But Buck would always throw himself into danger to save someone else.

It absolutely did not escape Bobby’s sense of irony that the way Buck got hurt that time - the cut to the arm, which would have been nothing if not for the blood thinners - would not have happened if he had been wearing his turnout coat. It would not have happened if he hadn’t sent Buck home early. He would have been safer if Bobby hadn’t been trying so hard to keep him safe.

But afterwards, Bobby told him he was letting him back for real, and Buck bought him breakfast, and he’d thought everything was okay.

(He had damaged something precious and fragile with his attempts to keep Buck safe. Bobby just hadn’t realized it yet.)

After leaving Como Zoo, they went to lunch. The skies were starting to get overcast, and they hadn’t exactly wanted to risk getting caught in the rain just to walk some more. They went out of their way to find a diner Bobby remembered fondly, and were safely ensconced in the booths by the time it started to come down.

“Let’s see if this place holds up to memory,” Bobby said, glancing through his menu. “We didn’t eat here often, but I remember it being good when we did.”

Buck hadn’t bothered looking at his own menu, having already decided what he was getting the moment he stepped inside. Places like this always had the absolute best burgers, in his opinion. Instead, he was checking up with everyone back home as the others picked through their own menus.

“We’re gonna have a lot of fish when we get home, pops,” he told him. “Apparently they helped some guy at a fish market and got paid in flounder. And red snapper, salmon, and tilapia.”

“I’ll figure out something,” Bobby said. “I haven’t made sushi before. It could be fun.”

From the looks on Chris and Harry’s faces, as well as Eddie’s, the idea of eating raw fish in any way did not appeal to them. It didn’t sound appetizing to Buck, either, but he was perfectly willing to eat it anyways.

“Who do they have covering for us?” Eddie asked, stretching his neck to see Buck’s screen instead of doing the easy thing and looking at his own phone.

“Uh, they have Reynolds covering for Bobby today,” Buck said. “Dunno who this other guy is, some floater, but they have Lucy Donato from the One Forty-Seven.”

Eddie let out a disgusted scoff at her name.

“You don’t like her?” Athena asked, turning in her seat.

“He’s still holding a grudge,” Buck explained. “Because she kept giving me drinks and he had to deal with my drunk self.”

“She’s reckless and could have gotten you killed,” Eddie hissed after a glance at the boys to make sure they were distracted.

“Oh yeah, that too.”

“She’s fine,” Bobby said. “Reminds me a bit of how Buck used to be, before you.”

“Y’know that’s not exactly a compliment, right, pops? I don’t think anyone ever looked at Buck One-point-Oh and aspired to be that guy.”

“I’m sure you weren’t that bad, mi sol,” Eddie said.

“Yes I was. Ma hated me.”

“She didn’t hate you,” Bobby said, at the same time that Athena said, “It was only for a day. Maybe two, tops.”

“Literally no one liked Buck One-point-Oh,” Buck declared. Eddie looked about ready to argue the point, but then the waitress finally stopped by to get their orders, and by the time they were done with that, the conversation had already moved on.

Turning the corner to find Buck and Eddie making out against the ladder truck at the Christmas party honestly hadn’t been as surprising as it could have been. In hindsight, the two of them had been circling each other like planetary bodies since that ambulance exploded. Hen and Chimney had even jokingly called the incident at the grocery store a lover’s spat, if only ever behind their backs.

Recognizing that discretion was the better part of valor, Bobby had done an about face and ran back up to the loft. This thing between the two of them was new, either extremely or relatively, and so Bobby would give it time before ambushing them with the relevant forms. He would be patient, he wouldn’t rush them. He could wait for them to come to him, give them time to figure themselves out.

And so he waited.

And he waited.

And he waited.

2019 became 2020, January became February became March, and neither of them came to him. They didn’t behave differently, he didn’t find them making out again in the station. Occasionally Buck would come in with marks that Bobby was fairly certain were love bites, but it was hard to tell with the blood thinners. The kid was bruising like a peach.

If Bobby hadn’t literally seen them with their tongues down each other’s throats, he could almost believe that nothing had changed. Except he had, so he didn’t. He couldn’t figure out why they hadn’t come to him yet, why they were keeping it a secret. Maybe Eddie was still in the closet? Because Buck definitely wasn’t, not after blatantly flirting with the tapeworm guy in front of both him and the guy’s boyfriend.

Bobby turned to filling out the parts of the relevant paperwork that he could, the parts that were mostly just personal information that he knew for the both of them. They were going to come to him and announce that they were together, and then he would throw the half-completed forms at them and ask why they took so long.

He just had to wait.

After the well, after Buck so blatantly fell apart at the prospect of losing Eddie, Bobby was certain things would change. And they had, because the two of them were a bit more open with their affections, a bit more casual. Except they still didn’t say anything, Buck still didn’t tell him. Hen and Chimney were noticing things too, and were asking each other when the two of them would stop being idiots and get together already. And Bobby wanted to tell the two paramedics that they already were, that they’d been together for months by this point.

But Buck and Eddie still hadn’t come to him, still hadn’t actually told anyone anything, and that had to have meant something.

After Athena’s attack, after the train and Abby’s return, after COVID and the subsequent lockdown, it turned out that Buck and Eddie thought they’d already known. They had thought, rightfully so, that it had become obvious after the well. But the strangest of changes followed that revelation: Buck seemed to be almost afraid of him. Buck seemed to constantly be on edge around him, like he was expecting an attack or something.

Especially whenever he did anything with Eddie in front of him.

Bobby could not understand, could not fathom, a reason behind this fear. There was no way he thought the captain was homophobic, was there? Michael was practically one of his best friends at this point, and he’d been very vocal with his stance on homophobia in the station ever since taking over. So what was it? Why did Buck seem so afraid of him, and what did it have to do with how long it took for them to come out with their relationship?

Bobby just could not figure it out, not until

“You went behind my back to keep me from my job, to keep me from my family.”

And

“You have to trust me and let me do my job.”

And

“You’re not going to move one of us?”

Buck didn’t trust him, that was the answer. Buck didn’t trust him to not use this as an excuse to try and get rid of him, to replace him. Because while Bobby had been doing everything with the intent of keeping Buck safe, Buck saw it all as an attempt to keep him from his family. Buck had genuinely thought, even if only for a moment, that Bobby hadn’t wanted him around, that Bobby hadn’t wanted his son with him.

But at least they were talking about it. At least Bobby knew exactly how bad of a misstep he had made.

At least he had the chance to fix it now.

Wednesday was dedicated to museums, which was good, because it was cold and the morning was wet. There were a few of them in downtown St. Paul, including the Children’s Museum that Bobby had mentioned when he first brought up the trip, along with science and art museums. There was also a baseball museum, and Eddie just about dragged them all to it the moment he learned of its existence.

For once, Buck and the others were left trailing in his wake as he excitedly bounced along. It didn’t seem to matter that most of it was for a minor league team that he wasn’t a fan of. It was baseball, and so that was enough.

“I didn’t know he was such a baseball fan,” Bobby commented.

“He used to play in school,” Buck said, sneaking photos of his husband while he was distracted. It wasn’t often that he got to see Eddie genuinely let himself be excited over something like this, and it was kind of adorable. “Chris isn’t that big of a fan, though, and I think it’s boring as hell. I normally end up falling asleep whenever he’s watching a Dodgers game.”

Buck watched a bit longer, smiling at the way Eddie was intently reading a plaque next to someone’s jersey, Chris and Harry peering up at it beside him.

“Therapy looks good on him,” he told Bobby and Athena. “A couple years ago he wouldn’t have even bothered to stop here. He would have just gone to whichever museum Chris and I chose.”

During their time in the museum, it was made very clear that even Buck had underestimated just how much of a baseball fan his husband was. He felt bad for not knowing, and wanted to make up for it. He was also impulsive and had the tendency to spend money on the people he loved.

“Hey pops, Eds and I aren’t going to be able to work on the first of June.”

“Why?”

“It’s firefighter appreciation night at Dodger stadium,” Buck said, showing Bobby the info on his screen. “We’ll get free hats.”

“How much did you spend on tickets?” Athena asked. “You said you fall asleep watching baseball.”

“It’ll be worth it,” Buck assured her, and it really would be, because now he knew just how much Eddie would enjoy himself there.

“So where to next?” his husband asked when they finally caught up to him and the boys.

“There’s the Children’s Museum, the Science Museum, and the Art Museum,” Bobby told them.

“Art’s boring,” Harry declared.

“So not that one then,” Buck said.

“The Children’s Museum has a new interactive shipwreck exhibit,” Bobby said, looking up the info on his phone.

“What does the Science Museum have?” Athena asked.

“Uh… A giant astronaut, a Mississippi river exhibit, musical stairs, dinosaur fossils-” He fell silent when Chris put a hand on his arm.

“Grandpops,” the boy said.

“Y- Yes?” Bobby looked about ready to cry.

“I want to see the dinosaurs.”

“Then we’ll go see the dinosaurs,” Bobby declared. “Everybody, to the van.”

“So if Bobby is his grandfather,” Harry wondered aloud, eyeing his mother. “Does that make you-?”

“Do not finish that sentence,” Athena growled, glaring at him.

“You don’t look a day over thirty, Athena,” Eddie said, putting himself between her and Harry as they walked. “Definitely young enough to be my sister.”

“And don’t any of you forget it,” she sniffed.

“Where are you going?” Athena demanded as Bobby turned to walk away.

“To work,” he answered. “I’m late.”

“Absolutely not,” she said, chasing after him. “You don’t get to announce that our marriage isn’t working and then just walk away, Bobby.”

His phone had started vibrating during her tirade, and he answered it when he saw who was calling.

“Hen, what’s up?” he greeted her, ignoring his wife’s irritation, and it was habit to put it on speakerphone. “I’m on my way.”

“Cap, it’s Eddie. He’s been shot. They’re transporting him now.”

“What hospital?” Bobby demanded.

Suddenly, the fight with Athena didn’t matter.

“Byrne Memorial,” Hen answered. “But Cap, Bobby, listen to me. Buck was with him.”

“What?”

“Chimney said that Eddie had gotten a call from some kid, and then he and Buck drove off in the battalion chief’s truck together,” the paramedic explained. “Buck was there, Bobby. Buck saw it.”

He turned and found the same horror-struck understanding in Athena’s eyes that was undoubtedly in his own.

“Go,” she ordered, and Bobby flew.

He swung into a parking spot right beside Hen just as she was hopping out, and together they rushed into the hospital. They found Buck sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, everyone else in the room giving him a wide berth, and it was clear that he was not okay. He was simply staring straight ahead, eyes fixed on some point that only he could see.

And he was covered in blood.

It was staining his shirt, it was coating his hands, and it was practically painted all over his face.

“Buck? Honey, are you hurt?” Hen asked, hands hovering over him, clearly at a lost for what to do.

“No, no, this is all- Eddie. It’s Eddie.” Buck’s words were toneless, but the meaning hammered Bobby all the same. It was Eddie’s blood. He was covered in his partner’s blood.

“What do you need?” he asked, kneeling down in front of where Buck was sitting.

“I don’t know,” Buck answered. “I don’t know.”

His voice broke a bit at the end.

“How about we get you cleaned up, then?” Bobby suggested, digging into his pants pocket for his keys and handing them to the paramedic. “Hen, in my work bag, could you-”

“Of course,” she said, grabbing them and rushing out the way they’d come.

Bobby took Buck by the arm as she left, gently getting him to his feet and guiding him to the nearest mens’ room. It felt like he was guiding a ghost, in a way, because Buck just did not resist. He practically floated under the captain’s touch.

The first thing Bobby did when the door closed behind them was to get Buck out of that ruined shirt. The younger man tried to help, but he couldn’t seem to quite figure out how the buttons worked, and so the captain just kindly pushed his hands back down. The moment it came off, the shirt went into the trash.

Afterwards, as Buck stood there by the sinks - silent, unmoving, staring at nothing - Bobby dampened some paper towels and used them to wipe away at the blood. He scrubbed between his fingers and under his nails and then over his palms. He wiped at his face, gently - oh so gently - and was rewarded with more and more clarity in Buck’s eyes as he removed more and more of the blood.

When Chimney opened the bathroom door, one of Bobby’s spare work tees in his hands, Buck actually turned his head to look at him.

“Hey Cap, Hen wanted me to give you this,” the paramedic said, laying the shirt on the edge of the sink.

“Thanks, Chim,” Bobby said. “Will you tell her we’ll be right out?”

“Will do,” he said, backing out of the door and letting it close.

“I need to call Abuela, or Pepa,” Buck announced, the first thing he’d said since Hen had left to get the shirt. He was patting down his pants, presumably trying to remember which pocket his phone was in. “And I need to tell Chris. And I need to talk to the doctors, I need-”

He was starting to ramble, and Bobby grabbed his arms as he interrupted him.

"Hey, hey, you don’t need to do all of it right now,” he told him. “There won’t be any news from the doctors yet, and I can call Eddie’s grandmother or his aunt. They can tell Christopher.”

“No, it has to be me,” Buck insisted, the most life he’d shown since Bobby had found him covered in blood. “He needs to hear it from me.”

“Okay,” Bobby said. “Okay.”

He watched as Buck finally grabbed and pulled on the LAFD shirt, looking somewhat more put together now.

“I’ll stay here and wait for news from the doctors,” Bobby told him. “I’ll tell you and Isabel and Pepa the moment I get word, okay?”

“Okay,” Buck said, nodding.

“You go and you take care of your kid, alright?” Bobby told him. “We’re here for you, Buck. We’re all here for you and for him.”

“Okay,” he said, letting out a shaky breath. “Okay, pops.”

“And Buck? Eddie is going to be fine,” Bobby told him, and hoped he wasn’t telling a lie. “Everything is going to be fine.”

Thursday was their last day in St. Paul. They’d spent the night before soaking in the hot tub and splashing in the pool again, this time uninterrupted by any children trying to brain themselves on the wet tiles. They also spent it cringing at the story Hen texted them, of the poor house sitter who’d been webbed up head-to-toe by spiders. As it turns out, Bobby might have been just the teensiest bit afraid of spiders, because he absolutely refused to look at the picture Ravi sent them.

Their flight was scheduled for early Thursday afternoon, but Bobby had one final stop in mind. Well, two, but the stop to get flowers didn’t really count. And really, Buck was disappointed in himself for not having thought of it before they were pulling into the cemetery.

Buck had intended to just stay in the car with everyone else while Bobby did his thing, but the man had been very insistent on Buck going with him. So the two of them got out and made the short walk to where three simple blocks of stone were lined up. There was an empty plot between the last of the three and the next one, and he was struck by the soul shattering realization that it was meant to be Bobby’s grave.

“I am so very sorry I haven’t been by,” the captain said, voice shaking a bit as he knelt down to place flowers at the base of each headstone. “But LA has been great. It’s bright and warm and sunny, and I bet you would have loved it. And I think you’d like Athena, too, Marcy.”

Bobby’s voice broke at the end, and no. No, no, no. It was bad enough that Buck was awkwardly standing around listening to him talk to dead people. If Bobby started crying, then Buck would definitely start crying, and he was such an ugly crier. He would end up ugly crying at the graves of a bunch of people he didn’t even really know, like a weirdo.

“Robert, Brooke,” Bobby said, putting an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close, like he was showing him off. “This is Buck, your brother…”

And Bobby was crying now, just like Buck was afraid would happen and yup. There was the ugly crying.

Like a weirdo.

A few days after the prison riot, a few days after Buck’s breakdown at the hospital, the young man showed up at the Grant-Nash residence unprompted. This wasn’t entirely out of character, especially after his and Bobby’s talk the year before. But this time he seemed to be even more of a livewire, incapable of staying still and constantly bouncing in place.

“I’m gonna marry Eddie,” he announced to them the moment the three of them were all gathered in the living room.

“We know, hon,” Athena said. “That’s what an engagement means.”

“No, I mean- I’m gonna surprise him with a trip to the courthouse, it’ll be like a Christmas sur-”

“Oh hell no!” Athena roared, surprising both Buck and Bobby. “You are not eloping.”

“But, ma-”

“I don’t want to hear it. You are going to give that man a proper wedding,” she told him, leaving no room for arguments. Not that Buck didn’t try.

“You and pops eloped, though.”

“That was us,” she said. “I will watch each and every one of my babies walk down the aisle, or so help me God…”

“I still have the stuff from when I was planning ours,” Bobby said, stepping in while Buck was left in teary eyed wonder. “A Christmas surprise, right?”

“Y- Yeah,” Buck said, blinking. “I was thinking of taking him and Chris to the courthouse before it closed on Christmas Eve.”

“We work on Christmas Eve,” the captain said, thinking aloud. “We’re off Christmas day this year, though.”

“A month and a half,” Athena said, mostly to herself. “That is more than enough time, if we do it right.”

Bobby watched as his wife turned in place until she was staring out the patio door, tapping her chin.

“Red and green for the colors,” she muttered. “That could work…”

It was amazing, and somewhat frightening, what his wife could manage when properly motivated. She seemed to take it as a personal insult that Buck had even contemplated doing a courthouse wedding, and was taking it upon herself to fix it. She had roped in people to help - Hen and Karen, along with Isabel and Pepa - and within weeks it seemed that they had the whole thing mostly planned out.

A few days into December, Buck slipped into his office while he was doing paperwork, grin threatening to split his face in two.

“Someone looks pleased,” Bobby said, setting down his pen. “Did you get the rings, then?”

“No, they’re still at the jewelers. No, uh, I just got off the phone. With Maddie.”

“With Maddie?”

“Yup,” Buck popped the p, the grin growing somehow larger. “She said she’s gonna be there.”

Bobby found himself letting out a breath of relief at the news. Buck had been silently fretting about that for days now. He hadn’t wanted to tell his sister about the wedding in the message he left her, with his concern being that it would just serve to make her feel guilty if for some reason she couldn’t make it.

“That’s good. I know how much that means to you,” he said.

“I’ve missed her,” Buck said. “But uh, I was thinking. I’m still not really sure if Helena and Ramon will be there-”

“I thought you’ve talked to them?”

“I have, and they seem happy enough about everything, but less than a year ago Ramon was perfectly willing to disown Eddie for dating me,” Buck said. “And things between him and his parents have always been strained. They love him, I know, and things have been better since their visit in August. I just…”

“You don’t trust them,” Bobby finished for him.

“I don’t trust them.”

“So what were you thinking, then?”

“Eddie and I, we’re already bucking tradition, obviously,” Buck said, apparently heedless of the pun he just made. “Neither of us are brides, and it’s always bothered me that they get handed off like prized cattle. And I was the one who gave Maddie away to Doug at her wedding, because mom and dad didn’t-”

“Buck,” Bobby interrupted.

“Right, anyways, uh. I was thinking that Eddie and I could walk down the aisle together. No one gets given away like cattle.”

“Oh.” Bobby tried not to let his disappointment show. For some reason he had been imagining, this entire time, of being the one to walk Buck down the aisle. He wasn’t certain why, precisely. They hadn’t even discussed that part of the ceremony before that moment. Still… “That… That makes sense.”

“Right, yeah. But we also don’t have anyone to actually, y’know, marry us,” Buck continued. “And that seems like it’s rather important. It would be awkward to get everyone gathered together and then not be able to get married because we didn’t have someone to officiate.”

“That would be awkward,” Bobby agreed, unsure what the younger man was getting at.

“But uh, it’s surprisingly easy to get ordained online,” he continued, looking everywhere in the room but at him. “Really easy. Someone could get ordained in like, five minutes. Tops. Right now. Someone, say, like you…?”

“Buck, what are you asking?”

“I want you to marry us,” Buck blurted out and then, apparently hearing what he just said, hurried to clarify, “I mean, I want you to officiate the wedding.”

“I would be honored,” Bobby said, smiling.

“Right, okay. Then uh, I’m gonna go and get started on chores before Eddie gets suspicious,” Buck said. He did that little hop-skip thing of his on the way out the door, which he did whenever he was especially pleased with something. Shaking his head, Bobby turned to the computer, finding the appropriate web pages after a simple search.

“Huh, it really is easy…”

“I’ve been putting some thought into things recently,” Bobby announced out of the blue. They had cried themselves out at the cemetery, going back to the minivan to odd stares from the kids and knowing ones from Eddie and Athena. And now they were at the airport, waiting to be called to board their flight.

“What kind of things?” Buck asked, sharing a confused glance with Eddie.

“I’ll be retiring in a few years,” the captain said.

“B- But not yet, right?”

“Yeah Cap, you still have a good few years in you,” Eddie said.

“I’ll stay at the One Eighteen for as long as they’ll let me,” Bobby told them. “But I’m almost sixty.”

“You don’t look a day over thirty, Bobby. Definitely young enough to be my brother.”

Athena let out a snort of amusement from where she was sitting next to her husband.

“Thank you,” Bobby said. “But with Chimney on a different shift, and Hen’s medical residency on the horizon, do you know who that leaves as the most senior person in our core group?”

Buck swallowed and nodded, because he knew exactly who that left.

“You did, have been doing, a wonderful job of mentoring both Ravi and Albert,” Bobby said.

“With Eddie’s help,” he argued.

“Now,” the captain conceded. “But to start with it was mostly you. And you’ve kept your cool in the middle of disasters and life threatening situations.”

“No I haven’t. I- I freaked the hell out when Eddie was buried in the well, and wh- when he was shot, I froze.”

“You saved my life,” Eddie said. “Maybe you froze at first, but I’ve read the reports, I’ve heard what people said, and- And while Mehta spent the entire time panicking and radioing for help, it was you, mi sol, who managed to get me to safety.”

“I- I’m reckless.”

“You used to be reckless,” Bobby corrected him. “And you’re only ever reckless with yourself. Whenever you propose a dangerous idea, it’s always with yourself in mind. You’re actually very careful about not putting anyone else in danger.”

“Unlike Donato,” Eddie grumbled.

“B- But the crane, after he was shot-”

“You saw the most logical solution to the problem, and you acted on it,” Bobby said. “It’s exactly what I would have done, if you hadn’t gotten there first.”

“I sued the department.”

“You turned down a seven digit settlement. I don’t think the lawsuit is going to be as weighed against you as you’re afraid it will be.”

“What are we arguing about here, pops?” Buck asked, slumping in his uncomfortable airport chair.

“We have a terrible lack of people who I can leave in charge, if something comes up,” Bobby said. “There’s only really Hen. What if she’s already left with a patient? And besides, it would mean she’d have to split her focus between telling everyone what to do, and helping Albert, who is still in his probationary year.”

“Well, what about Eddie?”

“What about me?” the man himself asked. “I’m quite happy not being put in charge of everyone. And besides, even though no one acts like it, you still have seniority over me on the job.”

“I would really like it if me and Athena could go on a vacation and they didn’t need to pull in captains from the other shifts to cover for me,” Bobby said.

“You want it to be me, instead.”

“Yes, Buck. I do.”

“I would be awful at it,” he complained.

“Would you try and make Albert wash your jeep?” Bobby asked.

“Well, no.”

“Would you keep riding with the others in the trucks?”

“Of course.”

“Would you make all of your coworkers run drills of rolling up hoses for no reason?”

“No.”

“Can you cook?”

“Can I-? Pops, you taught me how to cook.”

“Then you’re already a better fit than the last person I picked to fill in for me,” Bobby said, and Eddie barked out a laugh.

“Can I think about it, at least?” Buck asked.

“Sure,” the captain said. “You have all the time in the world, until something comes up and I leave you in charge.”

Buck’s groan was drowned by the announcement that it was time for them to board their flight home.

Fin.