Work Text:
one.
"Liu-shidi." Shen-shixiong tried to pretend to be aloof, but his voice cracked a little. "Did my dis - my hu - my Binghe visit you today?"
Making people suffer was more of his sister's thing, but Liu Qingge rather enjoyed watching Shen-shixiong squirm. Served him right, after making Liu Qingge worry about him for so long. "Yes," he said.
Shen Qingqiu did not quite cringe. He took a deep breath, licked his lips and said, "Ah, I wonder if -- does shidi possibly --"
Liu Qingge let the moment stretch out enough to make a small bead of sweat slide down Shen Qingqiu's temple. "He had a question."
"Oh?" said Shen Qingqiu. His hand tightened around his fan so much that the delicate bamboo creaked.
Liu Qingge hoped Shen Qingqiu broke it. He hoped that Shen Qingqiu snapped it in half and then Luo Binghe cried about it for hours. He hoped Shen Qingqiu regretted it for days. He had a brief but satisfying vision of Shen Qingqiu having to live with his stupid precious disciple dripping tears over everything for weeks, flavoring all the stupid food and tea he made for Shen Qingqiu with salt.
But then, Luo Binghe actually enjoyed crying at his shizun, and Shen Qingqiu seemed to enjoy his tears, which was weird, but which Liu Qingge's sister assured him was well within her expectations. Mingyan was much better at that sort of thing than he was, so he was content to trust her judgment.
Shen Qingqiu swallowed hard. He closed his eyes. His lips moved silently in what looked like a prayer. He opened his eyes again and said, "I don't suppose --"
"He asked to see my cock," said Liu Qingge.
In point of fact, Luo Binghe had appeared in one of his irritating portals of black light and demanded to see his prick.
Liu Qingge had not been impressed, and expressed that by aiming a kick at his martial nephew's head. Then they had had a very satisfying brawl, and Liu Qingge had the pleasure of breaking Luo Binghe's nose and watching it bleed for a whole thirty seconds before Luo Binghe's healing factor kicked in.
Luo Binghe must have known he was in the wrong, though; Shen Qingqiu hadn't shown up an hour later to ask Luo Qingge why he had once again bullied Shen Qingqiu's precious lamb into tears. As if Luo Binghe was any sort of lamb, unless it was a carnivorous one in the Demon Realm. Were there carnivorous sheep in the Demon Realm? He would have to ask Mingyan.
"I am so sorry," said Shen Qingqiu. He couldn't quite meet Liu Qingge's eyes. He spread his fan out to hide his face, but didn't quite manage to cover the tips of his ears going scarlet. "I will --"
"I told him I didn't have one," said Liu Qingge.
"You don't have a -- " began Shen Qingqiu. His eyes bulged out a little, making him look like one of the fancy carp kept at the Liu estate.
"You can't have what you aren't born with," said Liu Qingge, impatient. Really, for the master of the scholar peak, sometimes Shen-shixiong simply didn't understand things that ought to be common sense. "Are we done?"
"Yes," said Shen Qingqiu. "I - so Liu-shidi -- I'm going to clobber him," he added under his breath. "What type of hack --"
"Have a good day, shixiong," said Liu Qingge.
two.
Mingyan sat up. "So Shijiu didn't know?"
Liu Qingge was uncomfortably perched on one of Mingyan's delicate souffles of a pillow, trying to keep his balance and not crush the equally delicate tea cup in his hands -- something he had been terrible at even as the eldest young miss of the Liu clan, and had given up with heartfelt relief when he had become the second young master instead of Mingyan. Mingyan had been equally relieved to give up being the youngest master and become the little eldest miss.
Probably not as relieved as their family had been to send them both to Cang Qiong Sect and smooth out the difficulty in the family tree, but Liu Qingge didn't care. The cadet branches could say all they liked, as long as Liu Qingge had his sister.
"Interesting," murmured Mingyan, reaching for her tablet and stylus. "Very interesting."
Liu Qingge didn't care. He had more important things to think about. Like --
"What's this I hear about some demon bullying you?" he said. Yang Yixuan had made himself useful by investigating the rumor as soon as he heard it. He was too tactful to actually say the words "sniffing around," but Liu Qingge understood what he meant. If Mingyan was willing, that was one thing, but Liu Qingge had no doubt of his ability to teach any demon, even one of Luo Binghe's inner court, proper respect for the little eldest miss of the Liu clan.
Mingyan turned scarlet. "I'm not -- she's not -- as if I would let myself --!!"
"Hmm," said Liu Qingge.
"Brother!" wailed Mingyan, abandoning any pretense of the grace and calmness that she managed to maintain with the rest of the Sect. She threw her stylus at him. He caught it and threw it back to her. "Don't -- don't you dare!"
three.
At the same time, somewhere in the Forbidden City of the Demon Realm:
"Ow! Ow! Come on, bro!" wailed Shang Qinghua, hiding his head under his arms.
"Confess!" shrieked Shen Qingqiu. "Confess quietly and I won't beat you to death, you stupid hack! Admit you were going to do a weird crossdressing reveal! Admit it!"
"It was too much work!" howled Shang Qinghua. "I swear! It was in a scrap file!"
"How! Could! You!" Slap, slap, slap. "DO THAT! TO THE! BEST GIRL!!!" Shang Qinghua tried to scuttle away. "What type of half baked, dog blood -- to -- what were you thinking?!"
"Money!" yelled Shang Qinghua.
"So you just --" Shen Qingqiu choked on his words. His eyes looked a little red, actually. "I'm going to concuss you with your own computer, so help me --"
Luo Binghe came up beside Mobei-jun. "What's happening?" he said. He looked at his martial uncle with detached interest. He had a covered tray in his hands, no doubt filled with delicate morsels to feed to his wife in case he felt peckish after beating Shang Qinghua to death with nothing but a bamboo fan and spite.
Mobei-jun hadn't picked up quite as much of the strange dialect that Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu spoke as Luo Binghe had, but he understood about two thirds of what they were saying unless Shen Qingqiu was absolutely frothing at the mouth again. "Shang Qinghua."
"Oh," said Luo Binghe.
They watched.
"Do you think shizun is getting tired?" said Luo Binghe.
"No," said Mobei-jun.
Shang Qinghua let out an agonized howl, shrill enough that Shen Qingqiu took a step back and winced before advancing again.
Luo Binghe put the tray down and took a step forward.
"If I can't bully your human, you can't bully mine," said Mobei-jun.
Luo Binghe scowled.