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Tsukasa can't help but think that he made Amane worse.
Not physically, but mentally.
Amane was normal at first. His illness was cured, and everyone was happy. Tsukasa had never seen Amane smile so brightly, or play so freely.
But as the days went by, Amane slowly changed.
(Tsukasa didn't like this change.)
Amane liked to whisper things Tsukasa couldn't hear, and mumbled so much he wondered what he was missing. Amane had eyebags so prominent, it was obvious that he had never been able to get a wink of sleep. He cried a lot too. Any single creak or sound would literally make him burst into tears.
(Amane always cried harder whenever Tsukasa was around. Why?)
Mama and papa always tried to calm him. Eventually they got so worried they called the doctor again to see what was wrong. Tsukasa's heart sank because that meant Amane was still sick. Why else would they call the doctor again if Amane wasn't healed? Tsukasa's dread continued to escalate as more and more different doctors came, and with every look of disapproval Tsukasa saw, the way mama always burst into tears while papa comforted her while holding back his...
(Tsukasa felt sick. He shouldn't have done anything....)
And the worse part was how Tsukasa couldn't help at all.
He attempted to make another wish to the hole, but it never responded to him. Tsukasa felt tricked. The 'god' was supposed to heal Amane from his illness! If his wish was actually granted, Amane shouldn't be even worse than he was before!
Finally, was the day of their fourth birthday, along with Amane being a sobbing wreck who mumbled indecipherable words that mama and papa had long given up trying to understand. Tsukasa wondered if all hope was lost when Amane didn't even want to eat the donuts mama made.
(Tsukasa noticed the tears held back in mama's eyes when that happened. Papa hugged her as a weak attempt to give her any source of comfort.)
This was the most somber birthday Tsukasa has ever celebrated. The depressive atmosphere was infectious, and Tsukasa just wanted to get it all over with.
Tsukasa had accidentally pushed Amane and himself to the ground from their high chairs as he tried to ask him a question. Mama and papa screamed in worry while Amane started to sob again.
Predictively, thier parents both rushed to Amane's side and left Tsukasa by himself.
He swore he saw mama and papa glare at him for a second as they did.
Tsukasa understood and definitely wasn't jealous or anything. Tsukasa was the reason Amane was like this in the first place. It was all Tsukasa's fault for making that stupid wish. If Tsukasa could turn back time, he wouldn't have made that wish. If he didn't, Amane wouldn't be suffering even worse than he did before.
While their parents were busy fussing over Amane, Tsukasa decided this was the perfect opportunity to go to that hole again and ask why was Amane's illness wasn't cured. Well, that is if the hole was even there. Tsukasa could only hope it was. If it wasn't, then Tsukasa would have to live with the fact that he had ruined Amane for life.
Thankfully, it was there.
"tSuKAsA-KUn~" a combination of voices uttered in horrible sinc. "Remember our agreement?"
"Of course I did!" Tsukasa yelled in displeasure. "But Amane's not better! In fact, he's worse than before! Amane cries all the time now, and mama and papa are always worried for him. Even more doctors came, and even they don't know what to do for him!" Tsukasa glared in anger to the hole "You lied to me!"
The hole went silent while Tsukasa waited for it to answer.
"We never lied to you Tsukasa-kun." it started. "You're brother's illness will be cured in exchange for a sacrifice, remember?"
"Yeah?"
"Your brother won't be healed completely before given a sacrifice." it continued.
Tsukasa stood silently as he processed the words into his head.
"Ahh..." a smile slowly curved onto his face "So I just have to give the sacrifice then he can recover fully..." a chuckle escaped his lips "You should've said that earlier! I could've given myself up much earlier y'know!"
Without looking back, Tsukasa jumped into the hole.
---
When Tsukasa came back, he was utterly disappointed with Amane's condition.
Apparently Amane's mumbles and rambles only worsened to new heights while he was gone.
Not to mention Amane had grown a tendency to talk to the air. Or at least to an invisible person the rest of them couldn't see.
Mama and papa one day had to send Tsukasa to a hospital after Amane tried to attack Tsukasa with the moon rock he recently found.
It was funny because Amane had tackled Tsukasa in the tightest hug when he first came back. Repeatedly saying 'I missed you. I missed you. I missed you.' as he did.
Amane said it as if he actually did miss Tsukasa.
When mama and papa asked how he his arms got all bloody and bruised, he never told them it was Amane.
Tsukasa loved Amane and he'd never throw him under the bus like that.
Plus, it was Tsukasa's fault Amane was like this.
He'd accept all of Amane's punishments coming his way.
---
"What did you do to my brother?" an exasperated Amane asked as his hands continued to tighten around Tsukasa's neck. "Where is he? I want him back!"
Tsukasa couldn't answer as he desperately choked for air. He couldn't escape as Amane's grip that taped him to his bed.
"C'mon! Answer me!" Amane yelled frantically as his nails started to dig into Tsukasa's neck. "What did you do to the real Tsukasa you, fake???!!"
Tsukasa's vision blurred in and out of reality. He wondered if was actually going to die this time. Sure they weren't thirteen yet, but Tsukasa wouldn't mind if he was freed from his misery a few years earlier.
"Stop pretending to be weak. I know you're stronger than this. You could easily push me off and kill me right now if you wanted." Amane presumed as his legs digged into Tsukasa's ribs.
Tsukasa groaned in pain as it happened. It was one of Amane's many techniques to pin him down while simultaneously hurt him. With how hard Amane was pressing against him, Tsukasa wouldn't be surprised to see any new splotches of black and blue appear if he somehow made it out alive this time as well.
"C'mon. Don't you want to kill me?" Amane taunted. "It'd be so easy I'm sure. C'mon. Do it."
Tsukasa had learned a long time ago how struggling only made things worse. It made Amane feel threatened despite being the one saying Tsukasa could, in fact, kill him.
"Stop that!" a stream of tears suddenly burst from his eyes. Tsukasa didn't realize that he yelled. Didn't realize that he screamed. Didn't realize how hoarse his voice was, and how he was squirming beneath Amane as he felt himself losing to the darkness that offered to swallow him up and end it all.
Why couldn't Tsukasa just keep quiet? He knew no one was going to save him anyways. It's not like mama or papa loved him anymore. After mama brought him to shrine screaming how he wasn't her son, and convincing papa afterwords, the two never bothered to interfere whenever this happened.
It didn't matter how or why, they'd always leave Tsukasa to suffer.
This was probably good for them he figured. His family believed that he was a demon and wanted him gone. So what's a little daily torture from Amane couldn't hurt?
They were probably going to let this happen until he died one day.
Tsukasa wished he had never come back. This hellhole was a million times worse than staying in the red house by himself. At least he wasn't tortured everyday like this by his real family.
Tsukasa couldn't wait to die. Coming back home was the worse decision he could've ever made. Why did he come back? Why did he come back? WHY DID HE COME BACK TO TORTURE HIMSELF LIKE THI-
---
Tsukasa woke up on his bed.
He was alive.
A cloud of disappointment rained over him that he'd have to continue living. His body hurt and stung all over when he tried to move.Truthfully, Tsukasa wanted to just lay in bed forever and hopes he somehow dies of internal bleeding. He read about internal bleeding in a medical book when he started to wonder if Amane's long term torture would eventually kill him when they were thirteen.
He was always curious of how Amane would kill him. He figured it'd be something akin to getting stabbed in with a knife or anything more violent.
But if it turned out Amane's way of killing him involved continuously torturing Tsukasa until he couldn't take anymore one day....
Well, Tsukasa had to admit, that was really good planning on Amane's part.
One glance at a mirror was all he needed to see the dark butterfly handprints on his neck, along with scars created by Amane himself. He couldn't find it in himself to pull over his shirt and check how badly he was bruised. His arms were sore from squirming underneath Amane and had no will to control them.
But now, he had to check on Amane.
As fearful as Tsukasa is of him, Amane was still the brother he cherished and loved. The brother he loved so much that he literally sacrificed himself for.
Deep inside Tsukasa knew that he wasn't actually checking his brother out of love.
It was the fact that Tsukasa was responsible for Amane being the way he is now.
Tsukasa could hear sniffles come out of another room.
It was the bathroom.
Amane was in there.
Tsukasa pressed his ear against the door like he always did to hear Amane better. It was the only time Tsukasa had a chance to hear what his brother was always mumbling about.
"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry...*hic* I'm sorry.... I'm so so sorry...."
Oh no. Amane was saying that again.
Tsukasa kicked the door and ran straight to a crying Amane. He always disliked it whenever Amane cried. Licking his tears away, Tsukasa continued to take a look at Amane's bloody wrists.
Tsukasa frowned. They were almost healed from the last time. Now Amane's skin was torn apart again and bleeding profusely.
Tsukasa quickly pulled out the first aid kit from the cupboards, and began disinfecting Amane's fresh wounds.
"I'm sorry.... I'm so so sorry.... *hic* Sorry..."
Amane didn't seem aware of whatever was currently happening as he continued his mantra. Mumbling sorry's and never ending apologies.
Tsukasa wondered if they were meant for him.
"There, there. It's okay Amane." Tsukasa comforted as he pulled Amane's head to his own bruised body once he was done. Tsukasa's body ached and screamed as Amane's weight laid against him. Tsukasa distracted himself by looking at the bandages he wrapped Amane up in and thought of ways for improvement. He was getting better.
As Amane continued to sniffle and cry into his chest, Tsukasa's eyes wondered onto the battered old rope he saw hanging in the bathroom.
Tsukasa looked away and focused onto Amane. That thing gave him the creeps, and it wasn't even alive. He refused to think about it.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... *hic* I'm so, so sorry...."
---
Amane eventually fell asleep in Tsukasa's arms. He quietly carried Amane to his bed to not alert their parents. If any of them saw Amane hurt, or any of the blood in the bathroom, he knew he wouldn't like what would happen next.
Tsukasa sighed as he started to clean up the mess. He arms and legs felt like jelly, while his body begged for rest, but he couldn't have any of that until he cleaned up.
Tsukasa groaned. His head felt too heavy to be able to answer. Darkness threatened to take over him. To submerge him in a slumber that might never end.
But Tsukasa had to preserve.
Tsukasa had to stay strong.
It was tempting to embrace the darkness and don't look back.
But it was only two years until Amane killed him.
Tsukasa could hold onto then.
Right?
The universe answered for him, when one of Tsukasa's legs slipped on some blood he missed, and the world began to move in slow motion as Tsukasa watched himself collide face-first into the bathroom mirror.
Glass shattered and tiny pricks of pain smothered his face. Tsukasa couldn't see whatever happened after that, and abruptly smacked his head against tile floor.
Tsukasa thought he was drowning when he felt a thick liquid spew all over him. His body was too exhausted to move and get up to continue cleaning. By this point, everything hurt and his will power vanished.
He lay on the ground like a puppet who had it's strings cut. Lifeless and motionless as a pathetic doll. A thing with no will of its own.
As he lay there, the darkness returned and offered its mercy to him once more.
Tsukasa couldn't help but form a small smile on his face.
The bathroom remained quiet that night, before shrill screams overtook the morning.