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They are still holding on to each other. The bar is in full motion around them, but He Tian doesn’t care. Guan Shan's face is pressed into his neck and his soft breathing tickles the collar of his shirt making goosebumps appear on his skin. When Guan Shan speaks he can barely feel his lips through his shirt, and He Tian swears he will never wear a turtleneck again.
“Tian, take me home.”
“Okay.”
He Tian gently pulls him to his feet, careful not to jostle him too much. Guan Shan has had a lot to drink tonight and the last thing He Tian wants is for him to be sick. He scans the crowd and easily spots Buzzcut on a nearby sofa, laughing and smiling at a story someone is telling him. Almost as if he can sense He Tian looking at him, he glances up and they catch eyes. He Tian waves him over.
“Hey Boss, did you drink too much?” Buzzcut grins and accepts Guan Shan’s weight as He Tian passes him over, moving Guan Shan’s arm over his shoulders helping him stay upright.
“Please hold Lil Mo for a moment,” He Tian smiles and Buzzcut nods, “I’m going to take care of the tab and then take him home for the night.”
He turns and moves to walk away, toward the bar when a hand suddenly grips his own, so hard it’s almost bruising. Guan Shan is looking at him with a dazed and almost fearful expression. His lips pressed tightly together and his hand a little sweaty.
“Where…where are you going?”
“I’ll be right back, Momo,” He Tian lifts their joined hands and kisses his fingers, “I’m not leaving you.”
“Okay,” Guan Shan frowns, pulling his hand away and clutching at Buzzcut for balance, who is politely looking away, and smiling.
The bartender doesn’t look surprised when He Tian hands over his credit card, only nods when he tells him to order another round for everyone. He Tian is pretty sure he hears something about ‘rich boys and no restraint’, but he is too busy watching Guan Shan across the room. Buzzcut is leaning into his space speaking to him quietly, and Guan Shan is nodding along, rubbing his eyes roughly.
The bartender hands him back his card. He then yells to the crowd for them to come get their drinks refilled, which sends a cheer throughout the room. Many people slap their hands on his shoulders as he makes his way back to Guan Shan, saying ‘thanks, bro’ and ‘the Boss should have you come around more often.’
He Tian agrees.
He is almost right in front of them when he catches the end of what Buzzcut is telling Guan Shan, his voice so low that He Tian can tell he wasn’t meant to hear.
“… I’m sure she would understand. Why don’t you just give her a call? It’s okay to have missed him.”
Guan Shan mumbles something back and Buzzcut begins to respond but finally notices him and his mouth snaps shut.
“Everything okay?”
Guan Shan jumps at the sound of his voice and it takes a second for his eyes to focus. Once he recognizes him, Guan Shan immediately reaches out to him to clutch at his arm and stumbles away from Buzzcut, as if afraid he will disappear. He Tian tries not to let it go to his head, wrapping his arm securely around Guan Shan’s waist and pulling him closer.
“Momo?”
“Hm?”
“Is everything okay?”
Guan Shan grumbles and clutches tighter at his shirt, “Yeah ‘s fine.”
He Tian looks at Buzzcut who smiles apologetically and shrugs. Respectful of his friend's privacy and also knows better than to try to lie to He Tian, Buzzcut says nothing. He does pull out his phone though, checking that He Tian’s phone number is accurate and reaches over to pat Guan Shan on the shoulder.
“Have fun, Boss,” He tells him and turns to He Tian, “Thanks for the drinks. Let me know when you guys get home.”
He Tian nods and pulls Guan Shan toward the door, listening to the cheers of thanks and the many goodbyes that are directed their way.
They call a taxi and get back to Guan Shan’s apartment without any trouble, Guan Shan not letting go of He Tian the entire way. Drunken hands clutching his clothes like a lifeline.
Once they get into the apartment Guan Shan turns in toward him, wrapping his arms around him fully. Burying his face into He Tian’s neck and squeezing his arms tightly. He Tian hugs him back just as tight and rubs his hands in soothing circles on his shoulders and neck. When he hears the hiccups just below his ear and feels wetness on his collar he starts humming, swaying gently trying to calm him.
He had been gone for almost two and a half years. Before he had left, they were almost something that could be called a relationship. Unstable, sure. Unhealthy, maybe. More ups than downs though. He Tian was proud of the progress they made together.
And then Jian Yi left.
His brother wasn’t able to give him a warning. Jian Yi’s father wanted to see his son and there were negotiations between Jian Yi’s parents. They came to an agreement, though at the time He Tian wasn’t allowed to know. It happened on the second day of high school.
Zhan Zheng Xi was a wreck. It made things hard between all of them. He Tian knew a little of the situation, but not enough to give him comfort and Guan Shan didn’t know how to deal with the loss either.
Things were tense for about six months. His brother came to him and laid his cards on the table. He Tian could come and ‘hurry things along’ as his brother put it. Help Jian Yi cooperate and eventually they could return.
‘Your friend is stubborn. Doesn’t listen and is constantly crying.’ He Cheng had said.
‘Sounds about right.’ He Tian had responded. Feeling surprised by how much the thought of Jian Yi having trouble adjusting was upsetting to him. They were friends, but he honestly felt more like family, like a brother.
Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi.
Mo Guan Shan too. Less like a brother and more like a husband, but the sense of family is still the same.
‘Alright. I’ll do it.’ He ended up agreeing, leaving that weekend. He had said goodbye to Zhan Zheng Xi and Guan Shan together, afraid of what would happen if they were alone. Neither took it very well, but it seemed to help when He Tian said he would ‘Bring back Jian Yi, and take them to celebrate a hundred times over to make up for all the lost time.’
Zhan Zheng Xi didn’t say anything, but his lips were tight and his eyes were sad and hesitantly hopeful. They hugged and said their goodbyes.
Guan Shan cried and called him an asshole. He had asked how long he would be gone and when He Tian couldn’t give him a straight answer he tried to push him away. Guan Shan’s tears hurt worse than the weak punches that he aimed at He Tian’s chest. Eventually he calmed down and didn’t try to make him stay. They kissed goodbye, and that was the last time they spoke.
Now, two and a half years later they were back. Technically they flew back a week ago. Jian Yi immediately left the airport, getting in the car He Cheng pointed him to, letting him know that it would take him directly to Zhan Zheng Xi.
He Tian left with his brother, back to He Cheng’s home, needing to discuss the plans for the future. Their Father and He Cheng’s inheritance of their Fathers position. He Tian’s place in it and how long before he could leave it all behind.
They talked most of the day, over breakfast and then lunch and then heading off into dinner by the time He Cheng simply stopped talking and just looked at him.
‘What?’ He Tian had said.
‘Why haven’t you left yet?’ He Cheng was looking at him with concern.
‘What do you mean?’ He looked away from his brother's knowing eyes. His fingers itched and he wished he had a cigarette.
‘Why haven’t you left to see your boy? Mo Guan Shan?’
‘Because,’ He Tian paused, and had to remind himself that he could trust his brother, time had proven that, ‘I am afraid.’
‘Of what?’
‘That he won’t want to see me.’
It had taken He Tian several days to make the plan to see Guan Shan on Christmas Eve. Jian Yi messaged him Guan Shan’s school and work schedule for the week, courtesy of Zhan Zheng Xi. The three of them decided to make plans for their reunion after they found out how Guan Shan would react to He Tian’s return. Hopefully he would take it well, though He Tian figured there were two most likely outcomes.
One, the least likely, Guan Shan would accept him completely. They would begin where they left off, or even be more of a functional couple than before. As if he had never left. Guan Shan would kiss him right away, and beg him to never leave again. They would get married the next week and have the four of them celebrate at the wedding.
He Tian could dream.
Two, the more likely, but the one He Tian was more afraid of. The Guan Shan would reject him. Say he has moved on, and that He Tian took too long to return. Say that he was right to have hated him in the beginning and that he should have never come back into his life. That He Tian was selfish.
And He Tian is. Selfish.
He planned to show up at the end of Guan Shan’s shift, and hoped for the best. He planned to let Guan Shan take the lead, and let him establish the pace. He hoped that of the two outcomes, He Tian could at least convince him to see him again.
Guan Shan ends up surprising him. At first he was reluctant, but not nearly as volatile as he was in middle school. He seemed more subdued and took him back to his apartment. Before Buzzcut interrupted, he was sure that Guan Shan was going to kiss him.
It seemed like a good mix of the two outcomes. Guan Shan seemed distant, but as the night went on he got closer. He Tian hopes it’s not just the alcohol in his system, but he supposes he can stick around until the morning to find out.
“Tian.” Guan Shan speaks up from his neck, no longer crying but still sounding rough. He Tian continues rubbing his shoulders.
“Yes, Momo?”
“I gotta call my mom.”
He Tian hums, and waits for Guan Shan to pull back. He doesn’t.
“I was supposed to go to her place tonight. For tomorrow.”
He means Christmas, probably one of the only days a year that Guan Shan and his mother have off together if they can. He Tian freezes his hands at the implication. He is ruining their limited family time.
Being selfish, again.
He goes to pull away from Guan Shan, prepares to apologize, but the arms around his waist tighten.
“Don’t go.” Guan Shan begs, voice ragged. “Just wait, okay?”
He Tian can do that, “Okay.”
Guan Shan pulls back, and He Tian lets him. He doesn’t go very far, maybe a couple inches. Just enough to get his phone out of his pocket. One hand is still wrapped around He Tian and the other holds his phone up close to his face. It takes him three tries to unlock it, but soon the phone is up to his ear calling ‘Mom’.
A second passes, then two, and then, “Hello? Mama?”
He Tian can’t hear his mothers reply, and finds himself glad, not sure if he wants to hear this particular conversation. Especially if Guan Shan’s mother no longer likes him.
“I’m sorry, Mama. I'm not gonna come over tonight.” Guan Shan pauses, listening, “No everything’s okay.”
He Tian thinks he hears, ‘Have you been crying?’
“It’s okay, Mama I’m fine now. Um, He Tian is back.”
There is a long pause after that. Guan Shan tightens his hold on He Tian’s shirt.
“Yes, I’m okay. I drank too much at the party. I just want to sleep.”
Guan Shan listens, and then tilts his head up to meet He Tian’s eyes. They are still unfocused and tired. He looks like he is thinking very hard about what she is saying. Then his expression becomes determined, as if deciding something.
“Okay, we can come over in the morning.”
He Tian feels struck by the words, and their implication. Is he really being accepted back this easily?
Guan Shan relaxes abruptly in his arms, as if finally speaking to his mother is what he needed to fully calm down. His tension stemming from his anxiety of disappointing his mother was more bothering to him than He Tian himself.
The call continues, with a lot less talking on Guan Shan’s side. More humming than actual words and He Tian begins to worry he is falling asleep, but then he starts speaking again.
“I don’t know Mama, I can't think right now. You can ask him.” The phone is suddenly being shoved into his direction.
He Tian takes the phone, and hesitates. For Guan Shan he will do anything though, so he brings the phone to his ear.
“Hello? Auntie?”
“He Tian? Hello, honey! How are you doing? It’s so good to hear from you!”
The warmth of her voice is enough to convince He Tian that she does not, in fact, hate him.
“I am very well, Auntie. Thank you.”
“How long are you in town, He Tian? If you would like to, I think it would be wonderful if you came and celebrated the new year with us next week!”
He Tian is shocked. His chest feels like it is a swelling balloon, filled so full with love for Guan Shan and his mother that it’s about to pop. She continues speaking before he can respond.
“Oh! Guan Shan told me that you are working for your brother right now. I hope that he will be willing to let you have the holidays off.”
“I think something can be arranged. My brother is a very kind man.” He Tian decides right then that nothing will come between him and spending the week with them, He Cheng be damned.
“That will be perfect. Guan Shan and I would love to have your company. We can talk about the details tomorrow morning, though. I’m sure you are both pretty tired!”
“Yes, I should probably get your son to bed. He’s falling asleep standing up.” He hears her chuckle on the phone and Guan Shan slaps his arm sleepily, muttering a ‘Fucker’. He hands him back the phone.
“Mama,” a pause, “Okay goodnight. Love you, bye.”
Click.
They hold each other in silence for a few more minutes. Until Guan Shan starts to sway and He Tian begins supporting more and more of his weight. His eyes fluttered with every blink and his breathing slower.
He Tian walks them over to Guan Shan’s small bed, gently pushing him to sit down on it. He goes without a fight, and looks up at him with tired eyes.
“Momo, I’m going to use your shower okay? I’ll be right back.”
Guan Shan seems to ignore him. He tilts his head back slightly, “Tian?”
“Yes, Momo?”
“Kiss me?”
The request knocks the breath out of him. Guan Shan is looking at him with a vulnerable expression on his face, and He Tian can’t help but think it’s a little unfair. Guan Shan is drunk, and He Tian doesn’t want to have him wake up tomorrow with any regrets. He really wants to kiss him, though.
“Please?” Guan Shan’s voice shakes.
He Tian’s resolve shatters, not that he had a strong one to begin with. He moves and cups Guan Shan’s face in his hands. He leans down and warm breath is blowing on his upper lip. Their lips connect, and He Tian can’t believe how much he missed kissing Guan Shan.
As far as kisses go, it’s a pretty chaste one. Guan Shan was too tired to make it deep and He Tian was not willing to go too far. It’s still nice, by He Tian’s standards. They kiss for a minute and then He Tian pulls away.
“I’m going to shower. Wait for me, okay?”
Guan Shan yawns, but nods. “Okay.”
He Tian showers in record time. Borrowing some of Guan Shan’s clothes, they are a little short but baggy enough to be comfortable. When he walks out of the closet-sized bathroom he sees that Guan Shan has stripped down to his underwear and socks, and is laying on top of the blankets, legs hanging off the side as if he fell asleep sitting up.
He Tian pointedly ignores the flash of heat he feels, looking at his toned muscles and perfect chest. That’s something he can address later, maybe tomorrow morning if he is lucky. He gently maneuvers Guan Shan under the blankets, turns off the lights and climbs under too.
He feels Guan Shan shift around.
“Tian?” It’s barely a whisper.
“Yes, Momo?”
“Hold me?”
And how can he say no to that?
They fall asleep, Guan Shan's back pressed against He Tian’s chest. Their legs tangled and their hands clasped together.