Chapter Text
Life as a war veteran was… Weird.
Well, not weird, actually, it was very calm. She wasn't used to that, since she was Commander of the 501st she was used to always being on the alert.
That she didn't have to look over her shoulder to see if someone was trying to attack her was strange. Sure, there were still people trying to hurt her, but not as much as before.
And she already said, it was strange.
Really strange...
That's how Ahsoka believed she could describe her life now.
Since the reign of the Empire ended, she had gone looking for Ezra with Sabine.
And yes, it had been difficult to find him, but she did, and the important thing was that he was now safe and back with his family.
Even as the years go by Hera will never stop thanking her for bringing her boy back home, the fact that Sabine left with her and Zeb left with the others Lasats had been a hard blow for her, being a single mother was not easy, and not wanting to bother Zeb or Sabine made her being almost always under stress.
Rex went from time to time, but thanks to the Kaminoans and their stupid age acceleration, as the days passed he grew weak and weak until he couldn't get out of the bed without help.
Luckily, she and Sabine found Ezra before Rex passed away, where he was able to see The Ghost Crew, all back united for one last time.
Or well, a last time for him.
Ahsoka remembers that it was a quiet night, even though it was raining you could see the stars, it was beautiful. She and Rex knew that at any moment death would come for him. So, what better than spending the last night together?
They spent the whole night talking about gossip they had heard, how Han didn't know how to ask Leia to marry him, or how Luke was thinking of bringing the Jedi back, starting an academy.
They talked about the past, how Torrent would get into trouble and would get out of it. How? Yeah they still don't know how. How Rex complained that Fives and Echo would make him go crazy, even worse when they became ARC's. How Jesse and Hardcase dragged Kix into their crazy ideas, and how Dogma and Tup enjoyed annoying and terrifying the others completing each other's sentences.
It was a little creepy, but also fun.
They talked about the old Republic, about the Jedi, happy and bittersweet memories, of what Ahsoka did after she left the Jedi Order. The way Obi-Wan would found a way to make fun of Anakin, who tried to act annoying, only to end up laughing and saying stupid things just to irritate Obi-Wan out of being bored.
They talked and revealed things to each other, they never left each other's side, Ahsoka had promised him that she would be with him until the end, and that is what she's was going to do.
Before dawn, everything was quiet, Rex looked at her with a small smile, they both knew what it meant, his time had come.
Rex never stopped saying how much he loved her, and that he was lucky to have a sister like her. That she didn't worry about him anymore, because now he would join his brothers, now he would be at peace, finally he could rest.
Ahsoka cried when Rex didn't open his eyes again, screaming until her throat ached. She cried and screamed until she had no more tears and until she couldn't speak.
Rex, her brother, her ori'vod, the person who had taught her so much, was gone, and yes, she felt happy because even when she felt how he was getting weaker and weaker, he left in peace, he left peacefully. Even if he's gone, he was still with her, with her little sister. Maybe not physically, but in her memory and heart, he would always be with her.
But now?
Now she really was alone. She was the only one left.
No more Master Plo helping her meditate and telling her silly tales so she could sleep, (a thing he started doing after she arrived at the Temple. She couldn't sleep, it was so different from Shili, so quiet...)
No more Shaak Ti sharing stories of their home planet with her or telling how proud she was when she received her akul tooth headdress.
No more Tup, so she could play with his hair, and he helping her know how to style it.
No more Dogma to tell her about interesting things he read or heard of.
No more Fives calling her to do pranks on The Resolute.
No more Echo to tell her stories about when he and Fives were cadets. Or to sing to her until she felt asleep.
No more Jesse to invent games. Or to cheer her up when she was sad.
No more Hardcase to teach her all about his favorite explosives, even if she didn't understand completely.
No more Kix to scold her in the medbay for the reckless things she did along with Anakin.
No more Bail to tell little stories about him and Padme or call her to show her things Leia learned or made.
No more Rex to help her know how to use a blaster, or to help her when she couldn't sleep, telling her stories that his ori'vod had told him when he was a cadet.
No more Padmé to have girls' night and get a break from the war.
No more Obi-Wan to talk and drink tea, or just enjoy each other's company.
No more Anakin who was always looking out for her, who always stayed with her when she needed help or when he decided to stay with her because of the nightmares she had.
...
Anakin…
Another thing that broke Ahsoka was discovering that Anakin, who she thought as a brother (and sometimes as a father) was the feared Darth Vader. One of the most fearsome Sith and Jedi hunter.
Something that she always knew was that Anakin was someone who loved those close to him.
Padmé, who was his wife, the center of her life, who did everything he could do for her.
Obi-Wan, who was his brother, and at some point Ahsoka remembers how he said that he even thought of him as a father.
Rex, who was his best friend, even a brother, Anakin never stopped describing to the other Jedi how incredible his Captain was.
Herself, he always described her as his sister, had even revealed to her on one occasion that she was like a daughter to him. That it didn't matter how they saw each other, brothers, or father and daughter, it didn't matter, that what really mattered was that they were family, that was what Anakin always had said.
Anakin always loved too much, and he meant well, really… But sadly, he loved so much that it caused his downfall.
Ahsoka believed that second chances could be given in certain circumstances, but she doesn't think she can easily forgive Anakin. Less give him a second chance after what he did, after all the things he did.
Months later, taking a break from training Hedala, she felt the Force calling her to Coruscant. She didn't want to go, she didn't want to remember her past, she didn't want to have nightmares again. She didn't want to see all that she lost.
But still, she decided to go.
Once she met Anakin again, a year after his death, he explained to her what really happened, she understood a little of why he tried to save Padmé so desperately. Because he didn't want the same thing to happen again, he didn't want what happened to his mother to happen to Padmé. He would never forgive himself.
The time Anakin told Ahsoka what had happened to his mother, she held him for hours as he cried uncontrollably. She didn't care about that, Anakin needed her, and since he was always there for her, she would be there for him.
He was so afraid that what happened to his mother could happen to Padmé, he had visions of his mother, and by not taking action for “the future is always in motion” thing, sadly caused Shmi to die. And he didn't want to repeat that mistake, he didn't want the same thing to happen to Padmé.
But still, the idea of forgiving him felt wrong.
She wanted to, but when she thinks of it, she couldn't help but remember how he tried to kill her, how he would have killed her if it wasn't for Ezra who was in the world between worlds, the atrocities he did, Alderaan, helping Palpatine and so many horrible, horrible things.
She remembered how Anakin helped Palpatine, and thanks to that, Palpatine turned the clones into mere droids, accepting orders even if they were wrong. How he made them slaves to a damn chip in their head, how they did heinous things and couldn't do anything but watch.
And thanks to that, he made the clones kill the Jedi, yes, Ahsoka's relationship with them may not have been the best, but it was mostly with the council, or at least with the majority. The others did not deserve what happened.
When she entered the Jedi Temple, it hurt, seeing how everything was destroyed, the beauty of the temple was still outside, but inside it was totally changed, all the warm, the comfort the temple had once it was now gone, and now it only served as a painful reminder of what she once had, and what she will never be able to return to.
She remembers when after exploring the temple, she met the Force Ghost of Obi-Wan and Anakin, asked, or rather demanded explanations, she was no longer that innocent 14-year-old Togruta who was sent to Christopsis without knowing anything about the battlefield. She was now a woman, strong and mature, both mentally, emotionally and physically. At 45 years old, she's an ex-spy of the Rebellion and a veteran of the war. And after everything she had seeing, after everything she had been through, she deserved answers. And she had the right to ask for them.
After a little discussion, they both explained everything from their points of view.
The battle against Dooku, how Palpatine revealed himself to Anakin, his visions of Padme, Palpatine fighting against members of the council, how after having Windu thrown out the window Anakin decided to accept Palpatine as his master, Order 66, how Anakin went to the Temple with the rest of the 501st –she couldn't look Anakin in the face as he told it, thinking about the clones, who were maybe scared, confused about what he was doing, thinking about the Jedis in the temple, confused of why Anakin, The Chosen One, entered with the 501st, clones that were supposed to protect them– how he went to Mustafar, how he believed that Padmé betrayed him, the battle he and Obi-Wan had, how Obi-Wan left thinking he was dead, as Darth Vader was created. How Obi-Wan was with Padmé when the twins were born, how he thought Luke and Leia would be better separate. Everything, they told her everything, with details as she wanted.
She couldn't stand it and asked to be alone for a moment, as they recounted what happened, she could see clear images, like visions, except that she knew what it was about, the moments they recounted. She could see everything clearly.
“Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What are we going to do?”
He was just a kid, they were just kids, they were fucking kids and Anakin killed them! He didn't even flinch, he didn't care how they screamed or cried, or the weak attempts the oldest ones made to try to protect the younger ones! He just killed them like they were droids. As if they were things without feelings. As if they weren't begging for their lives, confused and terrified because who was supposed to protect them was hurting them. He didn't flinch at any of them, nothing, just left in silence once he was done.
“Not even the younglings survived”
“Who?... Who could have done this?”
She saw small scenes of her master killing Jedis, Knights whom she knew a few, Masters, who had helped her when she was still a youngling, knowing nothing about life in Coruscant, younglings, she had helped many of them to train, she told them stories, Force, she even helped a group of younglings get their kyber crystals, and they even rescued her from Hondo and his people!
And.... they were killed in a matter of seconds.
“Anakin is the father, isn't he?”
Anakin and Padmé never knew how to hide their relationship very well. She let out a small, watery laugh, remembering her master's attempts to answer why he visited the senator of Naboo so much. She figured out shortly after meeting Padmé and seeing her talk with Anakin, Rex knew it too, he helped Anakin try to hide it better. She always suspected that Obi-Wan knew, but she never confirmed anything, until now.
“It is finished, then. You have restored peace and justice to the galaxy. You have done well, Lord Vader.”
Palpatine… That bastard, if he were still alive she would take care of giving him a painful death with her own hands, he manipulated his master, he destroyed the galaxy, he enslaved her brothers, he murdered the Jedis, he destroyed her family!
“I don't want to hear anymore about Obi-Wan. The Jedi turned against me. Don't you turn against me.”
“I don't know you anymore. Anakin, you're breaking my heart. I'll never stop loving you, but you are going down a path I can't follow.”
Oh Padmé, loving Anakin so much and suffering for it. She really never knew what had happened to her, not even Bail wanted to tell her what really happen, he gave vague details. Maybe because it was painful for him to remember his friend, or because he thought it would be too painful for her, but he never said what really happened.
“I hate you!”
“You were my brother, Anakin!. I loved you!”.
She can't stop crying, she sees her master’s, her family fall into pieces, it was horrible.
The way Obi-Wan looked at Anakin, the way Anakin screamed, it was too much, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't move. She wanted to stop that, but she couldn't.
“It's a boy”
“… Luke”
“… And a girl"
“… Leia”
Luke and Leia, as smart, beautiful, brave and strong as their parents. Leia having Anakin's tempers, and Padmé's mind. Luke having Padmé's bravery and Anakin's mind. They were incredible, strong in the force like their father, and really smart like their mother.
“You have twins, Padmé. They need you… Hang on.”
“I can't…”
“Save your energy”
“Obi-Wan… There… Is good in him. I know there is… Still…”
Padmé… oh beautiful, brave, amazing Padmé. She was like a sister and even like a mother to Ahsoka, Padmé who always cared for her, Padmé who was always there for her no matter how exhausted she was.
Padmé, who even on the verge of death, didn't doubt that Anakin still has some good in him.
Luke had told her that in the end Anakin -because he was no longer Vader, he was Anakin, who decided to kill his master– decided to give his life for his son. In the end, returned to the light.
Ahsoka doesn't think she can forgive him, not completely, for everything he helped to do, for what he did. And she doesn't know if she will ever be able to.
It would take time, but maybe someday, she could.
Anakin said that he understood, they were both sad, Obi-Wan understood why Ahsoka didn't want to forgive him yet, although Anakin returned, sometimes it was very difficult for him to see him without remembering everything he did. Still, it hurt to see the people who he thought as his family so… Hurt by themselves. They no longer knew each other. In a sense, they were now strangers to each other.
And Anakin understood why she decided not to forgive him, it hurt too much, it hurt worse than the torture he went through thanks to the suit Sidious made for him, but he had no choice but to respect her decision. Ahsoka had made her decision, and he would be with her until she decided to change it, no matter how long it took.
They both gave her time alone, understanding her, they didn't want to leave her alone, but she needed it.
Ahsoka screamed, cried, cursed, and smashed everything that was in her reach. So many people to blame, so many what if's going to her head.
Maybe if she had stayed in the order.
Maybe if she had paid more attention to Anakin.
Maybe if she had joined Maul.
Or maybe if she had noticed that Sidious...
Sidious...
Sidious…
That son of a…
Ahsoka let out a growl as she continued to tear things apart with the force or with her lightsabers. Just mentioning his name made his blood boil with fury, she tried to calm down, using the force to try to release her emotions, but even the Force was furious just hearing that name.
Sidious was the cause of everything.
Sidious was the one who locked her brothers in their own minds without being able to do anything.
Sidious was the one who made the clones kill the Jedi.
Sidious was the one who screwed up the entire Republic more than it already was.
Sidious was the one that manipulated the war.
Sidious was the one that fooled everyone when he was just a Sith bastard full of lust for power.
Sidious was the one that broke the Galaxy more than it already was.
Sidious was the one that created Darth Vader.
Sidious was the one that manipulated Anakin.
It was his fault, everything that happened up to this point was his fault!
The anger turned to guilt the more she thought about it. If she had paid more attention to the relationship he had with Anakin…
When she left the order… She abandoned Anakin and Sidious took advantage of that…
That Anakin decided to trust Palpatine more was her fault.
She was part of what made Anakin become Darth Vader.
Ahsoka fell to the floor letting out a heartbreaking scream as she cried again, apologizing over and over again, her throat hurt, it burned too much, her eyes burned as hard as they could from everything she had cried.
If for some reason she found Sidious again, she would kill him. It was a promise. She will do everything possible to make that monster disappear from the galaxy.
'The fate of the galaxy rests in your hands now, Ahsoka Tano.'
What?
'Go, little one, we'll be with you'
Before Ahsoka could react, a light blinded her completely, falling unconscious with one thought in mine.
What the hell happened?