Work Text:
Sokka had been sitting in Zuko’s office for at least twenty minutes, and Zuko still hadn’t noticed.
In his defense, Zuko looked like he was close enough to falling asleep that he wasn’t even processing the reports that were on the table in front of him. Considering Sokka hadn’t seen him switch the paper he was currently “reading” off the top of the stack in the entire time he’d been in the office, he might guess that he was already asleep if he didn’t see him shift around every couple of minutes. Zuko tried to shuffle the papers around, and Sokka had finally had enough.
“Zuko.”
Zuko was immediately on his feet, angling what Sokka guessed was supposed to be a flame at him. Unfortunately, Zuko was exhausted enough that there was barely a flicker bright enough to light a candle. Sokka could see the moment Zuko recognized it was only him, and he sat back down with a face that tried to convey “attentive Firelord” but looked more like Momo on cactus juice.
“Zuko, you know you’re not going to get anything done tonight. I know you’re not going to get anything done tonight. You get up at an unholy hour anyways, so can’t you do some work before your first meeting?” Sokka tried to reason with him.
“It’s not that.” Zuko tried to organize the reports that were scattered around, but from where Sokka was sitting, it looked more like he was making more of a mess. “I took a day off last week because Uncle Iroh insisted while he was in town. I just…” He gestured around. “I haven’t been able to catch back up.”
“Dude.” Sokka walked up beside him and shoved some papers away to sit down on the desk. “I was in here for almost half an hour. You had no idea until I said your name.”
“I noticed!!”
Sokka just stared at him, and it was a testament to how tired Zuko was that he didn’t try to fight.
“Fine, maybe it would be better to go to sleep.” He ran a hand through his hair, pulling his crown out of his topknot. “I wouldn’t even mind at this point, but Mai already made it pretty clear she didn’t want me back in our room tonight.”
Sokka resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Mai and Zuko were constantly fighting. It seemed like every time he saw them, Mai was either at his throat or trying to stick her tongue down it. He knew it probably only bothered him because Suki was always so far away from Caldera, but it didn’t help the sinking feeling he got every time Zuko laughed at some joke that wasn’t even that good or when Mai fixed his topknot. It had left Sokka feeling drained and restless at the same time so often that he was considering taking a trip to Kyoshi in the hopes that some time with Suki might make him forget that he’s in a long distance relationship.
“Zuko. Mai sent me to find you. She was worried about you.” She worries about him. “She loves you.” She loves him.
Zuko’s eyes go soft with something other than sleep, and Sokka may or may not consider the benefits of walking back to his room with his eyes closed if it means he doesn’t have to see that look. Stupid lovestruck nobles. Stupid cutesy couples. He must miss Suki more than he thought if it’s bothering him this much.
“Thanks for telling me. You do so much for us.” Zuko stands up, and squeezes Sokka’s shoulder. It felt more like Zuko had reached into his chest and squeezed his heart like a spirit from Gran Gran’s bedtime stories. If Sokka didn’t know any better, he’d assume he had a crush on Mai from the way their relationship left him feeling, but that definitely wasn’t the case. He’d already eliminated that possibility by going to the market with her one day when Zuko was in meetings. All Sokka needed was a short trip down south.
The sound of the door shutting startled Sokka out of his thoughts, and he sighed. If things went on like this for much longer, his work at the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador might suffer. It was probably best if he took a break during the next festival. Everyone’s so busy with preparations that there’s no time for him or the other ambassadors to do anything except lend a hand or enjoy the parties. Zuko wouldn’t even notice he was gone.
He’s not sure why that made his heart squeeze too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sokka returned from his short trip down south better than he had expected. He’d gone to Kyoshi Island, trained with the warriors for a week, and then gone down to the Southern Water Tribe to see his family and do some work.
He’d also broken up with Suki, but it still wasn’t registering as a bad thing.
It turned out that there was another Kyoshi girl that Suki wanted to ask out, and it was easy to agree that their relationship wasn’t doing well over the distance. If he thought about it rationally, he knew it had been coming for a while. She was still going to be a permanent part of his life. He’d cried into her shoulder at the relief he felt when their relationship ended, but she was still there. It wasn’t like Yue. He wasn’t losing someone forever just when they split up. He was just…gaining a friend instead of losing a girlfriend.
Sokka had also met the girl Suki was crushing on, and he couldn’t find it in himself to be disappointed at the happiness he saw when they were together. Plus, he knew that Suki could take care of herself.
He’d gotten off of the ship at an hour he didn’t know whether to call far too late or too early. If he’d had to bet, he was pretty sure there was a meeting scheduled that he had to be at after the sun rose. Sokka was also pretty sure that Zuko would personally hunt him down if he was late to his first meeting after being back, so he decided to just drop his stuff in his room and head to the turtleduck pond. It was technically Zuko’s space, but he was convinced that the newest duckling liked him better, and he was determined to hold onto that even after his absence. Still, as the scraping sound of metal weapons caught him off guard when he walked into the garden, he was weighing more important things than the favor of turtleducks.
The guard standing beside the door, Jee, must have recognized him and signaled to the others that all was fine because they all lowered their weapons. Sokka looked around and saw Zuko leaning up against the tree beside the pond in a night robe that’s probably worth as much as the entirety of Sokka’s wardrobe. He saw Zuko look up in faint alarm but relax when he met Sokka’s eyes.
“Hey.” He waved a lot like he did the first day he entered their group. Small, fragile, and like he didn’t quite know what to do with himself.
“Hey.” Sokka sat down beside him. “What are you doing out here? We have a meeting in a few hours right?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“I am a wonderful ambassador and don’t want to be late to my first meeting back, thank you very much.” He gently nudged Zuko’s shoulder. “Mai kick you out again?”
Zuko shook his head. “No, she’s staying at Ty Lee’s this week to catch up. I was just…” He trailed off.
Sokka recognized the look on his face now, and he’s sure he only missed it because of being away for so long. Even when someone does manage to smuggle Zuko into a bed for at least a few hours of sleep, he’s up more often than not with nightmares. It’s been a couple of years since their days traveling around the world, but he can still remember waking up to look for a fight and finding Zuko or Aang pale and shaking from the memory of whatever their subconscious decided to show them. They all had nightmares, but as much as it broke Sokka’s heart, every one of their friends that Zuko’s almost always ended with him screaming himself awake. With a sigh, Sokka stood up and offered Zuko a hand. Zuko just tilted his head, and Sokka rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Mr. Firelord. Just like old times. We’ll get you a couple more hours of sleep before the sun comes up.” Sokka shook his hand, but Zuko just kept staring at him.
“You don’t…have to do that.” Zuko curls further in on himself. “I know I was just bothering everyone else back then.”
“Tui and La, Zuko, is that what you think of yourself? What you think of me?” Sokka takes a deep breath. “I helped you out because I wanted to. I sure as hell didn’t feel like I had to. I didn’t hold the others until they fall asleep because that doesn’t help them. Toph just wants to hear someone sing. Aang likes to talk about whatever he saw. Katara just wants a story from back home. I know how to get each of you back to sleep, and I wouldn’t know how to do that for you if I didn’t care about you.”
Zuko stares up at him with wide eyes, and after a second, he wordlessly takes Sokka’s hand. Sokka pulls him up and gathers him up in a hug. He’s not sure which one of them it’s really meant to comfort. The guards fall into step behind them as he walks Zuko back to his room, still holding onto his hand like it’s a lifeline. Neither of them says another word as Zuko settles back down into his bed, and Sokka steals a set of sleeping pants from Zuko’s closet. He changes and slips in behind Zuko, pulling him with an arm around his waist. Zuko is a constant space heater, but he’d take being uncomfortable if it means that Zuko can get to sleep. Enough time passes that Sokka thinks Zuko might actually be asleep again before his voice breaks the silence.
“My scar. Tomorrow is the anniversary.” Zuko sounds so small, and Sokka isn’t quite sure how to proceed.
“And you scheduled a meeting at seven in the morning?” Abort mission, dammit Sokka.
Somehow, Zuko laughs, even if it doesn’t sound all that happy. “I had all these plans. Going to see Ozai. Tell him he was wrong. Take Mai on a date. Prove I’m worth being here, but it’s…not as easy as I thought it would be.” He draws soft circles on the back of Sokka’s hand, and Sokka isn’t even sure that Zuko’s aware he’s doing it.
“You know how you look because of an accident doesn’t make you any less, right? It’s nothing that Ozai could even possibly control.”
Zuko’s hand stops moving. “It wasn’t an accident. Ozai did it on purpose. That’s was when he sent me to find the avatar.”
Sokka’s pretty sure he’s not breathing. His chest feels like there’s a polardog sitting on it, and he can’t hear anything over the sound of his heart beating faster than it should. Somewhere, he knows Zuko is trying to get his attention, but all he can think about is all the ways he could manage to make Ozai understand a fraction of the pain he put Zuko through.
“Hey.” Zuko’s hand is on his cheek. “Take a deep breath. I’m fine. He can’t hurt me. I’m right here.”
A part of him feels ashamed when he should be comforting Zuko, but he focuses on taking a deep breath and trying to memorize the way Zuko’s eyes look with Yue’s light and the feeling of his hand running over Sokka’s hair and-
Sokka takes another deep breath and reaches up to squeeze Zuko’s hand before getting Zuko to roll back over so that he can hold him again. “You realize I’m not letting you go. You’re going to sleep like twenty four hours tomorrow if it means that I can make sure you’re okay, and how could Mai leave this week of all weeks?”
Zuko makes a noncommittal hum. “I asked myself that same question. I hope the answer is that she just didn’t remember, but I probably would’ve told her to go even if she had.” He laughs, but Sokka can hear the tears threatening to fall in the sound. “There’s some part of me that feels like I constantly have to prove I’m strong enough for all of this, but I’m just not, Sokka.”
Sokka holds him tighter. “Zuko, you so are. You know how I know? You get up every day and do the same job he did except you make the world this beautiful place you dreamed of. You’re doing the equivalent of fighting off demons and tigerwasps with a stick. Of course, you’re going to lose some battles, but that doesn’t make you weak. It means you’ve had to be stronger than anyone should ever have to be.”
The gold of Zuko’s eyes looking over his shoulder to stare at Sokka in wonder catches him off guard. It’s like that squeezing feeling he has when he thinks of Zuko and Mai evaporates completely, and something in his mind clicks. Zuko rolls back over with a tiny “thank you”, and Sokka doesn’t even hear it.
He’s in love with Zuko.
He’s…not as shocked by this revelation as he should be.
Even as Zuko’s breathing start to even out, Sokka is still distantly aware that he should feel awful. He’s holding the person he’s in love with who also has a girlfriend, but he can’t quite bring himself to regret it. This is just who they are. He’s been holding Zuko when he has nightmares more often than Zuko’s own father ever did, and he’s still a little angry at Mai for leaving on the worst day of Zuko’s year.
In the morning, things will go back to normal. He’ll be the perfect ambassador. He’ll smile and make terrible jokes. He’ll watch Mai and Zuko dance and joke and fight, and he’ll try his best to dispel the thoughts that he could make Zuko so much happier.
For now though, he’s not letting go.