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Luke was aggrieved, perhaps worse than aggrieved, he felt adrift as though he was floating through space without even an escape pod. The planet Dagrobah was isolated, so quiet that Luke may have been the only one on it, but he knew better. He could feel the living things around him, the trees, the stones, even the god awful mud through the force, not to mention the snakes hidden away from his eyes. He sat on one of the many rocks that faced Yoda’s little hut. He too was gone now and Luke felt nothing but fear in his heart. Fear. The path to the Dark side. The same path that seduced his father. Vader.. His father, it felt almost unbelievable, impossible but inside his heart he knew it to be true. He had to face his Father soon.. And kill him?
No he couldn’t kill his own father but he might have too for the sake of his friends if not for himself. But thinking of his friends just made him more fearful, he had already ran off once to save them and it only resulted in putting them into danger. But thinking of his friends caused something else to enter his heart. Luke thought of Bespin and the floating cloud city, where he had lost his hand and his father’s lightsaber.. Where he had kissed both of his friends. For Leia, he felt something more akin to brotherly love, he could sense she was just wanting to make Captain Solo jealous.. Which almost worked until Han kissed him. He wasn’t sure what it meant or how he felt about it. He sat with his head in his hands, not contemplating his fate but lamenting at the weight of something he had never chosen to bear.
Luke forced himself to concentrate on the living Force around him, to feel it within him. Balance. Lightness, Darkness, hope and fear, death and rebirth. Whatever happened to him in the coming days would not just be decided by his prowess as a dueler but by the Force too. He knew Old Ben was still watching out for him, Master Yoda too.. Whose death was still so recent it almost felt like he was still with him. But when he uncovered his head he found it to be literal. Master Yoda was sitting in front of him, his legs crossed. Only now his usual green self gave off a blue glow. This was the true power of the Force, the eternal oneness with all creation.
Master Yoda giggled, ‘Found me, you have? Hm’. ‘Always looking to the Horizon, young Skwaker but never the need in front of your nose!’. He raised his cane and tapped Luke on the knees. ‘Much fear in you, I sense’.
Luke shook his head and went to protest but he knew Yoda was right.
‘Not a bad thing fear is, oh no, no fear is a part of us. Apart of the Force. Accept it you must, only then will you be free from the darkside’. Yoda continued.
‘But how can I accept it Master? Didn’t my father accept it? Is it my destiny to follow him?’. Luke asked, despair evident in his voice. He had been surrounded by darkness from such a young age, he recognized that now. Uncle Owen’s temper.. the ghost of his father on Tatooine, his grandmother’s destroyed grave. He was just a farmboy. Still that farmboy somewhere inside, even if grief had turned him inside out and made him feel unrecognisable. He was Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight.
Yoda shook his wizened head and tapped him again with his cane. ‘No, No, No! Seduced he was! Failed him, we all did.. Darkness is a part of us, a part of me - Yoda! But what matters, how we respond to it, does’.
‘I sense something more in you, fear you do not of dying but fear attachment you do’.
Luke’s eyes widened, ‘You know about Captain Solo?’, he blushed slightly thinking back to that old memory. He hung his head, waiting for a chastisement that wouldn’t come. He had never kissed anyone before, not even Biggs. They had been best friends since childhood and they had been closer than almost anything. Sure sometimes they got a bit teasing, if they had managed to sneak some alcohol away from the adults watchful eyes but nothing ever came of it. Nothing ever could come of it. Not on Tatooine anyway.
Biggs talked of far away planets where men could marry men, women or even those of a different species. Force, they could even marry more than one person. His travels had shown it to be true but to Luke it felt like some fever dream, some joke that he would one day wake up from.
‘Talk I think, you must to a friend’. Yoda continued despite Luke not answering. He waved his hand and R2D2 awoke with a shrill beep. He had powered down ever since Luke had told him that he wanted to be alone to think for a bit. R2’s arrival signalled Master Yoda’s disappearance. Luke leaned to the side and patted R2’s metal head affectionately. ‘Beep bwoop’ R2 spoke quietly. Even an Astromech droid could sense his serious disposition.
‘I just don’t know what to do R2 or how to feel.. If Vader.. If my father kills me it will all be pointless anyway’.
R2 beeped again and Luke’s shoulders tensed, his back became straighter as though he was straining his whole body to hear what had been said. ‘You knew my father?’, he half whispered incredulously. The droid shook his little metal body side to side for emphasis. He had known Vader - Anakin then - almost his whole life, before that he had belonged to Luke’s mother Padme. The two of them had been forbidden to be together, just like Luke and Biggs had been.. Or Luke and anyone really. But it didn’t stop them. Forbidden not because it was morally incorrect but because of their jobs.
It gave Luke a small modicum of comfort imagining that once, when his father was still Anakin Skywalker he must have felt exactly like his son was feeling now. Had he too once despaired like this?
R2 gave a low multi-note warble causing Luke to almost fall off the rock he was perched on. He gasped in surprise, ‘You’re what?? Married!?’, he frowned in confusion though his voice was warm. He thought of the little droid he had first found on Tatooine. ‘How long for? You didn’t invite me!’. His incredulous surprise turned into speculation. ‘How is that - I mean.. you can do that?’.
R2 extended his little metal arm from his body, giving Luke a small (although painless) shock, his metal body shaking again. Like didn’t need to speak droid to know he replied ‘This is space!’, he felt a little foolhardy, of course droids could be married.. he didn’t believe what his Uncle Owen had taught him all those years ago but he certainly felt a product of his upbringing. He felt older beyond his nineteen years.
Droids had had to fight for many rights, and still did. Particularly the right to make their own career choices, not just what they were programmed for, the right to be served at bars and even to be recognised as people (though planets like Naboo recognised them for years) but one right they didn’t have to fight for was marriage. Almost anyone could marry in space, as long as they were of a consenting age. Humans were complicated creatures but to the Astromech it was simple, C3PO was his best friend in the entire galaxy. His life improved dramatically when he had someone to tell about his adventures and daring deeds with his Master and friend, Anakin. There was someone to miss him and look forward to his return. Although C3PO was more of a worrier whenever R2 went on some adventure. He was sure C3PO was bothering Mistress Leia now… still he wouldn’t change his husband for the world.
Suddenly R2D2 spun around, staring off between two of the trees and beeping wildly like a Loth-Cat seeing a ghost. From between the trees walked out Old Ben, draped in the blue hue of the Force. He patted R2 on his metal head and sat beside Luke on another rock. ‘Ben!’, he exclaimed. He remembered telling both his Master’s that he wasn’t scared to face Vader, to save his friends but only did he have the strength to admit he was frightend. He wondered if Ben could read his mind.
Ben ruffled Luke’s hair before speaking, ‘I was scared, your father was scared once. To be a Jedi is to be frightened, to be a Jedi is to persevere despite it all. You must trust in the Force to guide you but that is not an easy thing to do. I won’t tell you to be brave despite it all, that is the way to foolhardiness…. But take heart young one, take heart’.
‘I'm tired of everyone telling me that!’, Luke cried ‘No one is offering any soloutions’. Ben chuckled, ‘Have you forgotten Yoda’s teachings already? Fear to lose your friends you do, but you fear what happens if you lay eyes on them now don’t you? You do not have to decide on your.. attachment to Solo now but you do have to decide if you accept yourself, no matter the outcome’.
‘Do or Do Not, there is no try’, Luke muttered with a grin despite himself, thinking of his little green master. ‘There is no changing my parentage, I am Darth Vader’s son.. Just like there’s no changing who I am? Whom .. I love’. He spoke the last phrase tentatively like it was a question or something he was admitting to himself for the very first time. Ben nodded, a proud smile on his face as he pulled Luke into a hug, slightly difficult due to his Force ghost nature but comforting all the same.
‘I am very proud of you Luke, you are wise and strong beyond your years, I wish I could have trained you longer and yet you are just as great a Jedi as your Father was once. Remember the Force will be with you, always’. He disappeared into the fog and Luke let slip a few tears though they weren’t of sadness or happiness but of Peace and Purpose.
He had a destiny to confront.