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Sam woke up with a start, gasping for air on the bed right outside the cell. His face still ached with the crooked, barely healed scar Dream left behind, sharp pain radiating from his left eye. He tried to get up, get back on his feet but it was as if someone had sapped every ounce of strength out of him as soon as he stood and he collapsed to his hands and knees on the hard obsidian floor. His head spun from the sudden movement (when did he become so weak) and he didn’t notice Dream entering the room from his left side, mask hanging by his side.
“Sam.”
Panic panic get away get away-
Sam’s body moved against his will as he backed himself into the wall away from the voice, now laughing at him.
“Oh, shit, I really did a number on you, huh?” he joked, as if he didn’t just take his first canon life, as if he had just hit him a little too hard by accident.
Sam’s face still felt wet with blood.
Not tears, don’t let him see you cry .
“You…” Sam’s voice felt hoarse ( he remembers he had screamed, begging Dream to finish him off quicker, to please make it stop ), “you killed me.”
“No shit,” Dream said casually, “just now figuring that one out? I know you’re an idiot, but c’mon, Sammy.” Sam suppressed the involuntary flinch the best he could. “Besides, it’s not like you didn’t have it coming. Really, you brought this on yourself.”
Sam started speaking, anger burning hot in the pit of his stomach, before his brain could catch up with him and realize his mistake. “I… no, you did this to me! This isn’t my fault !”
“But it is, Sam!” Dream said as he knelt to Sam’s level and suddenly grabbed his face, roughly pulling it so close to his that their foreheads almost touched. He couldn’t even see Dream’s full face, they were so close (was there something wrong with his eye..? Nononononono don’t think about it ). The body heat radiating from him burned hotter than the heat of the lava wall behind him. He spoke with a manic grin, bordering on laughter. “This is entirely your doing! Everything you’ve done up until this point has led to this moment. This is karma. This is justice .” He leaned away, hands still holding his face. The lava glowed from behind him like a halo. “ This is all your fault .”
Suddenly, Dream’s face, and his grip on his own, softened. “Wow, Look at that …” Dream’s touch burned like acid as he felt him brush hair out of his eye ( why can’t he see why can’t he SEE ) but, for the life of him, he could not pull away. He found himself fighting the urge to lean into his hand, disgusted at how easily he caved to him.
When was the last time someone had touched his face this way?
Dream whistled low and impressed, “What a masterpiece I’ve made of you!” and it almost felt like praise. It almost felt like he was worth something.
If Sam closed his eyes, he could pretend Dream was someone else. He could pretend someone who actually cared for him was handling him like a delicate work of art, but he just… couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to realize there was no one left who cared about him anymore. That he hurt everyone he loved and pushed them all away.
That his murderer was the only one willing to hold him now.
Dream turned his face in his hands carefully, inspecting the damage fully. “Still kinda pissed that it doesn’t match Q’s though,” you flinched you flinched you flinched echoes in Sam’s brain, “but it works… you make one handsome calling card, you know.”
He’d rather die all over again than admit that comment made his chest ache, like he could actually be worthy of such praise. Like he was still worthy of words like “handsome.”
Sam didn’t dare move until Dream pulled away, standing up and patting the top of his head. If Sam subconsciously leaned into his hand, Dream didn’t comment on it. He just held out his hand to Sam, which Sam took graciously, pulling himself back onto his unsteady feet.
“Woah, there, big guy! Easy…” Dream helped Sam steady himself, which Sam would have been grateful for if it didn’t leave him feeling sick with humiliation. “There we go, Sammy… let’s get you outta here now, okay?”
Sam nodded, and the motion made him dizzy. The affectionate nickname left an ache in his chest that made him sick. He let Dream lead him out and away from his prison ( Dream's prison, it was never his own , he reminds himself), barely even registering the things he was saying.
"Jeez, you're moving so slow, don't you even want freedom? Hell, I died twice on the same day and I was never this bad!"
"I’m sorry…" he said hoarsely.
"For fucks sake, don't apologize!" He laughed. Sam's body responded against his will by flinching, which just made him dizzy again. "I'm insulting you- you see, this is what I was saying when I said you never stand up for yourself. You're so pathetic !" Dream kept talking but Sam was too busy trying to keep himself from apologizing again.
Deep down, he still wanted his approval. He still wanted to be good .
“It’s not like anyone else is going to tell you these things, y’know, since they hate you. I’m just trying to be a good friend , Sam. Isn’t that what friends do? They’re real with each other. I’m being real with you.”
He’s saying what he used to say to Tommy in exile, you know this.
But for Tommy, it wasn’t true, was it?
Dream led him to the portal as Sam zoned in and out of their one-sided conversation, and he all but shoved Sam into it. Coming out of the other side, Sam stepped back, trying to regain his bearings, his stomach churning unpleasantly at the feeling of suddenly being thrown into another dimension. He watched the swirling pattern he was supposed to step into uneasily, trying and failing to right himself after the disorienting pull and push of the portal had ripped them away. The room spun around him and he couldn't stop himself from falling to the floor, sweating from the heat of the nether and the effort of holding down the contents of his stomach. He didn’t know how long he sat like that, trying desperately to hold himself together ( you've been through a portal before, why is it making you so weak now ) before he heard the portal being used again and Dream's voice berating him.
“What the fuck, Sam? I told you you’d better be gone by the time I come back or I’ll KILL you, do you really want to die that bad?” Dream picked him up, jostling him just enough, and all his previous efforts went to waste as he spilled his guts all over the quartz floor. Dream dropped him immediately and he fell to the ground, barely catching himself before he fell into his own sick. “Shit- oh, gross ! Are you fucking kidding me??”
Don’t cry. Don’t let him see you cry.
“You- eugh, I think it’s on my shoe, fuck, that’s disgusting -” Dream’s train of thought was interrupted by a pained noise that escaped his throat without consent. “…Sam?”
The floodgates opened.
“I’m sorry, I-” he sobbed brokenly. His voice was hoarse and his throat burned and everything still tasted like bile. “I’m sorry!” He couldn't hold any of it in anymore. He was disgustingly weak and he just couldn’t fucking stop .
Sam heard Dream gently shushing him from above, rubbing small circles into his back tenderly. “Hey… you’re okay, shh… It’s okay Sammy, don’t cry.”
It wasn't comforting. It was fucking humiliating . It just made Sam cry even harder, arms shaking slightly from the effort of holding himself up. He felt himself being pulled back, away from the ground and toward Dream’s chest, a hand carding through his hair. He still muttered apologies reflexively through his hiccuping sobs as Dream performed the empty action of soothing him and to his disgust, it was working on him. This mock comfort was the closest he'd gotten to the real thing in so long that it actually calmed his breathing, quieting his cries into aftershocks of hiccups and sniffles.
"Let's get you back through this portal and I can take you outside through the entrance I made, alright?"
Sam hated how gentle Dream's tone was. It felt like he was being talked down to, a condescending kindness one would extend to a frightened animal rather than a person. Nonetheless, he nodded, not sure he could handle trying the portal on his own again. Dream waited for him to steady himself before he pulled him back through the portal. He braced himself that time, but the after effects of the portal were still enough to make him nauseous again. Again, Dream waited for him.
He… waited for him.
"Why..?" Dream turned his head to Sam before he even registered that he was speaking out loud. "Why are you being… nice to me?"
Dream just shrugs. "We're even now. I mean, you let Quackity torture me, fed me shit food, and then I killed you and took your prison. We can be friends again, if you want. Just like old times-"
"S- stop…" Sam weakly attempted to shove Dream away, who didn't budge. His arm remained around him, gentle but firm. Sam was trapped. He whined in frustration. "Sh- shut up…"
"You said so yourself, Sammy, you miss when we were friends… we can go back to that!"
"No, no!" Although it was true, he missed the early days, when things weren't complicated and he didn't want Dream dead. But there wasn't any going back to that. That past was ruined, and neither of them could go back even if they wanted to.
Dream made sure of that when he told Sam exactly what he had done to Tommy in excruciating detail.
And again, when he murdered him in that cell.
When he laughed in his face as he held the boy up by his hair.
"We're not friends, Dream! Just-" Sam struggled against Dream in a futile attempt to get away but Dream suddenly grabbed his arm tight enough that Sam knew it would bruise and he froze in his tracks, heart dropping to the pit of his stomach.
"If you want me to stop being nice, I can."
His tone was ice cold. Sam stayed as still as he possibly could, as if moving even an inch would cost him his second life.
"D- don't… please, I'm sorry," his body started to shake with every breath he took, each breath more shallow than the last, "I- I'll be- I'll be good, I'll stop asking questions, just- please don't hurt me, " His breath came out in short and labored bursts. As the walls seemed to close in around him he could feel a hiss deep in his chest. He tried so hard to stop it because if Dream thinks he's a threat he'll be hurt again , but it still came out against his will, high pitched and terrified for his dwindling lives. "I c- m'sorry, can't- stop- '' he managed to choke out as he realized the grip on his arm had gone and in its stead, a hand on his back.
"Hey, hey, easy…" Dream said, as if amused at the display of pure panic, "I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm just giving you a warning, buddy… you're fine!" Sam tries and fails to catch his breath, he wants to be good, he wants to calm down he just can't-
"Sammy, breathe,"
As if to demonstrate, Dream breathed deeply in through his nose and out through his mouth, "Like that, can you do that for me?" Sam copied him shakily, but finally taking a deep breath helped immensely to calm him down. "There you go, that's it…" Dream stood there with Sam for a while, just getting his breathing back to normal. It took a few minutes, and Sam still coughed and sputtered a few times, but Dream still waited on him.
It was an uncomfortable feeling, being comforted by Dream, but it was far better than the alternative.
"Are you good now?" Sam nodded hesitantly. Dream patted him on the back. "Good. See? I'm being nice because we can be friends now. We're even. I don't have any reason to hurt you, well, as long as you don't give me any." That last part hung in the air chillingly for a few seconds. "As long as you're good to me, I'll be good to you. Yeah?"
Sam nodded again. Be good. You won't get hurt if you're good . "Y-yeah…"
"Yeah!" Dream started to walk again to the blocked off entrance. He made quick work of the obsidian block over the entrance, somehow not affected by the mining fatigue. "Oh, yeah, I went ahead and stopped the minecarts while you were out of commission, hope you don't mind."
Sam shook his head. "How… How long was I out?"
Dream shrugged. "Maybe… six hours, I think?"
Sam sighed. He wasn't sure if he could trust Dream's timeframe, given he swore up and down that it had only been two weeks since he discovered Sam had been put into the prison and yet it felt as though it had been at least a month. Sam was far too exhausted to argue, however. He just wanted to go home, hold his dog for a bit, and sleep in a proper bed.
…When was the last time he slept in a bed?
“Thought you couldn’t wait to get out of here, Sam! Having second thoughts?” Dream’s voice mocked from below.
Sam shook his head vigorously, aching with how much it rattled, quickly descending the ladder down to the tunnel Dream had made. Dream just laughed. “Jeez, I was just kidding! You really need to lighten up, buddy…” Sam huffed in response. Dream didn’t like that one bit.
“Don’t be rude , Sam. I’m trying to be gracious , I’m showing you mercy .” Sam stepped back against the wall and he was trapped and he was trapped and he was trapped- “Do you want to test my patience, Sam?” He shook his head, which proved insufficient when Dream roughly grabbed his face and pulled him down to his level. " Speak , damnit! Show me some fucking respect! "
Sam choked on his words. He could hardly breathe, let alone speak, but managed to croak out a pitiful “No,” flinching as Dream barked out a laugh.
“No, what ?” Sam faltered, unsure what Dream was asking of him and too afraid to guess, too afraid to be wrong and suffer the consequences. As if reading his mind, Dream kept going. “Oh, c’mon, I know you were listening in during Quackity’s visits, What do good prisoners say, Sammy ?”
“D- don’t… please,” Sam knew. He knew what he was supposed to say. He’d already debased himself enough today, though, and he still had the tiniest sliver of pride left in him. He would be damned if Dream took that from him.
Dream moved his grip from his face to his throat. Not enough to fully choke him, but enough pressure to get the point across that he could if he wanted to. “I want you to think about this, Sam. I have the upper hand here. You,” his grip tightened ever so slightly for emphasis. “ Still have mining fatigue . Your fighting skills are already lacking compared to mine. You will not win this fight. I’ll ask you again: Do you want to test my patience, Sam ?”
Tears fell down Sam’s cheeks against his will as he swallowed his pride. “N- no sir, m’sorry please don’t hurt me please -” Dream dropped his grip suddenly and Sam stumbled forward, falling to the floor and taking deep, gasping breaths.
“Fucking pathetic . Get up.” Sam was still catching his breath when he felt a swift kick to his side, nearly knocking him over. It startled him so badly that he couldn’t stop the yelp of pain from escaping him. “I said GET. UP. ” Sam trembled violently as he scrambled to his feet, trying desperately to stop his shaking, although he was thankful that Dream didn’t comment on it.
“I’m s-”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry !” Dream mocked, and Sam wilted where he stood. “Shut the fuck up! You’re not sorry for disrespecting me, you’re sorry you got punished for it.” Sam couldn’t help but look down at the floor in shame. Dream opened his mouth to continue yelling but he took one look at Sam and sighed. “Jeez, I really lost it on you, that wasn’t fair. Sorry. Just- see, this is why you’ve gotta behave, alright? I don’t want to hurt you, you’re one of my oldest friends, Sam… Just work with me here, alright? You’re almost out of here. We’re in the home stretch, yeah? Let's go. No- no more shenanigans.” Dream held out his hand for Sam to take, a subtle offering of peace.
Sam just nodded, taking his hand and letting Dream lead him down the tunnel. He just wanted this to be over with. He wanted to be away from Dream as soon as possible. He was tired. He was so, so tired .
They walked down the tunnel hand in hand in silence for a bit. Sam wished it stayed silent.
“Remember when we first met?” Sam remembered. He didn’t want to think about it, but Dream had a captive audience once again and he wasn’t allowed to not think about it. “You were so quiet… I thought for a while that you couldn’t talk at all. Which was real funny when you did start talking! Scared the hell outta me, heh… You still do that around new people, don’t you?” Sam nodded again. “C’mon, we’re friends , you can talk to me!”
But he couldn’t. Dream didn’t understand, it didn’t work like that. Exhaustion had taken his speech from him and the moment he opened his mouth to attempt to explain, he shut it again, frustrated.
“Quit giving me the silent treatment. Don’t be rude.” His tone was turning colder and Sam began to panic, struggling to pull his words back to him.
“C- can’t… talk-” Sam barely managed two words before devolving into pathetic whimpers of frustration and fear. “S- sorry,” he added, trying to quell his shaking. Dream’s hand squeezed his own reassuringly.
“Hey, it’s okay, I’ll do the talking, then. You’re alright,” Dream soothed, and Sam sighed deeply in relief. Dream continued to reminisce on the good times, before the smp and its infancy, and before they knew it, they reached the end of the tunnel.
Sam still hadn’t let go of Dream’s hand.
He realized, unsettlingly, that he had willingly held Dream’s hand the whole time they had been walking.
And he was reluctant to let go.
“Alright, guess this is goodbye, then?” Sam was more than eager to get away, but a small, desperate part of him felt sad at this realization. “Still not talking, huh? That’s fine, I get it. You had a long day,” Dream laughed, as if he wasn’t the reason why. “Right. Well, this is it then. Just remember: We keep this between us, right? As friends ?” Dream insisted a bit forcefully, and Sam nodded hard enough to make his head rattle. “Good. Just up that ladder is your freedom then. Enjoy it, you’ve earned it!” And with that, Dream walked away, disappearing into the darkness of the tunnel.
Sam made the long trek to his base alone in the dark, half blind and feeling more vulnerable than he had felt in over a year. The second he stepped inside it became apparent that this was his house but it had not been a home for a long, long time. To his surprise, Fran approached him cautiously. He didn’t blame her, he wouldn’t have recognized his own reflection if he had seen it.
It still hurt when she backed away from him when he tried to pet her.
Not even his own dog wanted to be around him. But as much as it hurt he respected her and gave her space to get reacquainted with him.
As tired as he was, Sam found it difficult to fall asleep in his bed. The longer he was alone, the more that the part of himself that he tried to push down kept screaming that he missed him.
He missed Dream.
And for what? Just because he extended that miniscule kindness?
Sam realized how long it had been since someone had looked at him with such a softness in their eyes and he wept. The places Dream had touched felt wrong. They felt like they were burning, like the skin would slough off his bones like it did in the Egg. Nothing could feel right when he missed the small moments of tenderness and understanding extended to him from the man who ruined his life.