Work Text:
It had been three and a half weeks since that night. Since Theo’s father had died and he had run away back to New York, regrettably having to leave Boris.
He was living with Hobie now. Things were still in the middle of being worked out, and Theo knew it would be a good while before life would start to feel even close to normal again.
He missed him, he missed Boris terribly if he was being honest. The whole mess of him. Every night as he laid down in this strangely comfortable bed he thought about Boris: about Vegas and his father and his room, fizzing beers and drugs that he couldn’t do anymore now. As honestly terrible and disgusting life in Vegas was compared to here in New York, he couldn’t say he didn’t miss it. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol and late nights of watching old films with Boris. Struggling to fall asleep. Boris holding him tightly, dreaming of his mother, waking up sweaty and hungover. He missed it all, even if he probably shouldn’t have.
But there was nothing he could do now. It was his decision, his choice to leave that night, despite Boris pleading and begging him to stay. “Just one more day!” But Theo had insisted. And for whatever reason, Boris had also insisted—on staying. So after an unexpected kiss (that probably meant nothing, though Theo thought about it more than he’d like to admit) and a pat on the back, here Theo was, alone.
He knew Boris wouldn’t end up coming. For all he knew maybe he had forgotten about him altogether. Maybe he was just getting high with Kotku without a thought of Theo in his mind.
When he was still in Vegas, Theo had been able to deny his feelings a lot easier. But something about being here in New York now made things seem obvious. Maybe it was the clarity of being sober, maybe it was being without him, Theo didn’t know. But what he did know was he definitely had strong feelings for Boris. He loved him, though he had never said it. He wanted to, especially on that night , but he never did.
He had also, definitely, one-hundred percent, been jealous of Kotku. As much as he wished he didn’t care, he did. He had hated her since the very beginning. She had taken Boris away from him, he became obsessed with her instead of Theo. It’s not like they were anything more than friends, though, so what right did he have to be upset?
But what did any of this even matter now? He and Boris were over 2000 miles apart and he was still pathetically pining over him.
Over the past weeks things with Hobie had started to fall into somewhat of a routine. The days began to slip past each other. He still wasn’t in school, and they were still working things out about how Theo would be allowed to stay in New York. But things would eventually figure themselves out. He could start to move on from everything that was his life in Vegas. He would eventually be able to forget about Boris, he would slowly fade into just another memory, another chapter of his life. Or so he thought.
All the pity and grieving Theo was having over his recently leaving Vegas, leaving Boris, was abruptly halted one night.
“Theo?..”, he heard Hobie call from downstairs that night. He was laying in his bed, and he wasn’t in much of a mood to get up. He was a little preoccupied with once again overthinking his decisions.
So at first he ignored Hobie’s call. It was probably just some legal work, more of trying to sort things out. Normally Theo would feel somewhat bad about ignoring Hobie, the man had been so generous with him after all, but he really wasn’t in the mood right now. It was late anyways, he could just pretend to be asleep. But when he heard a more urgent, “Theo! Come down, please. It’s important!”, he groaned and picked himself up off the bed.
Whatever he was expecting when he walked down the stairs, it definitely wasn’t this. He almost didn’t believe what he was seeing first. He stood there for a moment, one foot still on the bottom step, just staring. He really couldn’t believe it.
But it was real, there he was. Hobie was standing with his hand on the front door. And standing there in the open doorway, lanky slightly ruffled looking, a black duffle bag hanging off his shoulder, was Boris. He looked almost awkward, unsure of himself. He didn’t say anything as Theo stared, he just stared back.
“..Boris?”. He really didn’t know what else to say, he couldn’t think right now. Holy shit Boris is here, in New York?? He actually came? This can’t be real, oh my god. What? How did he even find me here? What-
His thoughts, which were racing so fast he couldn’t even tell that time was passing, were promptly interrupted by a dogs bark. “Popchyk!”, exclaimed that familiar, lovely voice. The little dog had noticed Boris and ran up to him, tail wagging and squeaking happily. Boris broke away from staring back at Theo and walked forward, actually entering the room, and scooped the overjoyed little canine up in his arms, grinning.
Though Theo was still speechless, he had managed to walk forward off the stairs, closer to Hobie now. He was staring dumbly at Boris, who’s attention was now fully on the dog in his arms. “Hey there, Popchyk!! Ah, I missed you! Yah, you missed me, doggie? Hey, don’t lick me!…”.
“Theo..?”. He turned to see Hobie looking at him, confused. He finally seemed to snap out of whatever kind of strange trance he was in. “Oh, uhm— this is Boris, Hobie. I told you about him?”. At hearing his name Boris seemed to notice where he was again, turning back to look at the two of them, and setting Popchyk gently back on the floor to run in circles at his feet.
“Potter!”, Boris exclaimed, the first word he’d said to Theo in three and a half weeks. He scrambled over to Theo, his clumsy legs and oversized boots slapping the floor a little too loudly. And then there he was, being hugged tightly by Boris. He didn’t even think before immediately wrapping his arms around Boris’s thin, lanky frame. He smelled a little bit bad, like always, cigarettes and beer and sweat. But Theo didn’t care at all. They stood there for longer than a normal hug, Boris’s cheek pushed into the side of Theo’s head, who was gripping the back of his shirt so hard his knuckles had gone white.
Eventually, Theo pulled away to stare up at Boris again. “W-What- How are you here? Did you really just, leave Vegas? I-I didn’t even think you’d come. Did you fly here?? How did you even find me here? How did you know where to go?..”. He was talking fast and a little bit loud. Boris just smiled at him while he babbled.
“Hah! Calm down Potter! I will tell you more about it later! But, err— should I stay here? I can, uhm, find place to stay..probably. It is late, you know, and I am pretty tired. Very long way from Las Vegas to here!” It was only then that Theo noticed how bad Boris really looked. Of course, he always looked messy and malnourished, but he looked even dirtier right now. His hair just a bit frizzier than usual, the dark circles under his eyes even more pronounced than usual. He looked exhausted.
Boris looked a little awkwardly over at Hobie, who was still standing with his hand on the opened door, watching everything unfold.
“Uhm—“, Theo tore his eyes away from Boris to turn around and look at Hobie, “Can Boris stay here? At least for tonight? I- I know I’ve told you about him. Well, I didn’t expect him to just show up here but, he can stay in my room? Please?”, he managed to stumble out with an awkward hopeful smile. Theo knew he was already extremely lucky to be taken in by Hobie so generously.
Hobie just smiled and closed the front door, which had been wide open this whole time. He had a slightly amused smile on his face, old and wise yet also almost disbelieving, as if to say this kid sure is something.
“Well, it’s good to meet you — Boris. Theo has told me a lot about you in the past weeks.” He held out his hand, and Boris immediately reached forward to shake it, if not a little over-aggressively. “Sure Theo, your friend can stay. And you’re right, it is very late,” he glanced at the clock “I bet you must be quite tired Boris. I can make you something to eat if you’d like? We have a spare mattress in Theo’s room you can sleep on tonight. How does that sound?” Hobie was truly too kind for his own good.
The two boys looked at each other then back at Hobie, Theo giving him a thank you smile. “Here then, why don’t you take your bag upstairs? Theo will show you. I could make you some tea and grilled cheese, how does that sound Boris?“. “Sure!”, Boris responded in his typical spitting and guttural voice that was so Boris .
They didn’t say anything as Theo led him upstairs to where his newly acquired room was. He motioned for Boris to set his duffle bag down by the bed. It fell with a loud slumping noise.
“You look like shit.”
Boris spat out a laugh at this, which seemed to break the awkward silence and ended up with both of them giggling and snorting at each other. It felt so good to just be near each other again, laughing and smiling at each other. It felt like those three weeks hadn’t even existed, like everything was back to how it was. It felt so right.
“Yah! Me? Well-well, potter, it is your fault after all! Made me take long bus ride and hitchhiking here. No shower, running around big city, just to see you, hah!”
“I didn’t make you come! I didn’t even think you would, honestly! And how—how did you even find this place?”
“Well, is kind of long story, you know. At first I was—“, but they were interrupted by the creaking of the door opening.
“Your tea and food is ready, if you’d like it. No rush, just letting you know.” And with the Hobie left back downstairs, just as quickly as he’d come.
The three of them spent the next hour or so together downstairs. Boris, absolutely devouring the grilled cheese while also trying to explain how it was he’d ended up here. As it turned out, Theo had once gone on a long drunk rant (as he so often unknowingly did) about everything that happened after his mother died, and in surprising detail too. He had told Boris about the first day he’d found Hobie’s place, his struggle to find it which made all of them laugh. It had also taken Boris a couple days to even find it once he’d made it to New York after taking a bus and eventually resorting to hitchhiking—which had taken him about a little less than a week. “Agh, why is this place so hidden!? I remembered green light and back door and still took me two days to find you!” This made them all laugh again.
Eventually, after sitting around the dining table sharing fond memories and funny stories and Boris explaining his complicated life to Hobie, the conversation droned down. By now it was 3 am, which was well past the time he usually went to bed, even back in Vegas. All of them seemed to be slowing down. Theo noticed Hobie looked quite tired also. Even Popchyk had calmed down and was now curled up watching them at Boris’ feet.
Once they were done eating Hobie took their plates and stuffed them into the sink, not bothering to even wash them.
“Alright, you two. This was very—unexpected, but it really is late”, glance at the clock again, 3:28 am, “you two should probably get some rest, yeah? I know you’re likely very tired Boris. Theo, you know where the mattress is, yes?”
“Yeah, I’ve got it, Hobie.” Theo gave him a look, a silent yeah, I’ll take care of him. You can go to bed.
Hobie went back to his room, so Theo had Boris help him with the mattress. He of course knew where it was, stuffed in the back of the rooms closet which was definitely too small to put a mattress in. The two of the struggled with it for about 10 minutes before giving up, falling on their backs side by side on the carpet and giggling.
“You can just sleep in my bed. This mattress is like, fucking glued in there.”
“Sure, Potter.”
They just laid there without a word for a while longer, neither of them wanted to move. Shoulder to shoulder, like the many nights they’d had back in Vegas. Only now they weren’t high or drunk out of their minds. It was just them.
After about 15 minutes it was Boris who broke the silence. “Aye,”— gently nudging Theo’s arm with his bony wrist— “do you uh, have a shower here? I kind of, stink.” He snorted again, which made Theo chuckle, sitting up.
“Yeah, it’s down the hall if you wanna use it. There should be towels and stuff in there. You do kind of stink soo..”
Boris slapped him at this, but it obviously wasn’t serious. It was just the same as their play fighting had been back in Vegas.
“What! You said it yourself, you stink! ”
“So! Doesn’t mean you get to say it, bastard!”
By now the two of them were full on wresting on the carpet, like children.
“Hey! Okay, get off me! Go take a shower you’re gonna make me stink too!”
Boris shoved him around a little more before getting up and aggressively shuffling through his duffle bag. After about a minute he gave up with a sigh that Theo would call dramatic if it was anybody else— but this was Boris. Boris had never been anything but loud and dramatic and messy.
“Can I borrow some clothes?” He sounded almost annoyed.
“What, you didn’t bring any? Hold on, I’ll look. I don’t think my stuff will fit you though.”
Theo went to sifting through his drawers when he noticed something. A red T-shirt that had probably had a band logo on it at one point, but was so faded you could barely tell it had once had a design at all. It was Boris’ shirt. It was a good two or three sizes bigger than all of Theo’s other shirts.
It wouldn’t have been too unusual if they were still in Vegas. The two boys had shared clothes so frequently they forgot who’s was who’s sometimes. But this stood out now. How had he not noticed one of the shirts he packed wasn’t his? Though, in all honesty, Theo was glad he hadn’t noticed before now. If he had, it probably would have made him cry, which was extremely pitiful and dramatic and would’ve made him feel pathetic.
“Here, these should fit.” Theo said, handing Boris the red barely-a-band-T-shirt, along with a pair of sweatpants and boxers.
Boris glanced down at the clothes in his hands for a second before giving the tiniest of grins and walking out to go shower. He still had my shirt, hah.
As Boris showered he couldn’t help but smile to himself under the steaming water. The first week or so after that night Boris had tried to act like nothing happened. Tried to forget about Theo, and the fact that he was now gone. But of course he couldn’t just forget him, not Theo.
After doping himself up on drugs for a week and a half he finally decided he was just going to leave. He had to see Theo again, he just had to. Sure, he had Kotku, but Theo was different. He always told himself it was just because Kotku was a girl.
Though Boris never would have admitted it, especially not to Theo, he and Kotku had been falling out for a while even before he left. Theo had always hated Kotku, Boris knew it. And Kotku had never liked Theo either. He hated it. He hated feeling like he was in between the two of them, like he’d have to choose between them at some point. So he’d always just ignored the problem. He’d been selfish, acted like he could just selfishly have both of them.
He wasn’t dumb, he knew Theo was jealous of Kotku (it was probably just because he didn’t have any friends though, right?). He knew Kotku didn’t like when Theo was around, “ why do you still talk to that kid, anyway? He’s just some spoiled idiot from fucking New York, right?” But he wasn’t. Boris loved him, honestly. He loved Theo. Maybe he was a messy, stupid, selfish person at times, and maybe it had taken those terrible, grueling 3 and a half weeks for Boris to fully realize it, but he knew now, he was sure of it.
Theo leaving forced him to confront the dilemma. He couldn’t ignore it anymore, especially since Kotku had outright refused to go with him to New York to find Theo. “ What, no. I’m not going to fucking New York so you can go find that kid. Why do you even care about him so much anyways??” And faced with the choice, he’d chosen Theo. He honestly surprised himself with how willing he was to just pack up and travel across the country for Theo. To leave Kotku and Las Vegas and everything he’d had for the past two years behind.
And now here he was, 2500 miles traveled and two rooms away from his best friend. So despite it all, Boris couldn’t help but smile to himself.
There was about 15 minutes or so of Theo sitting on his bed (trying desperately to contain the stupid smile on his face, while also zoning out and staring at the wall), before he was snapped out of it by the sound of Boris thumping his way into the room.
“Hey,”—pulling half empty pack of cigarettes out of duffle bag—“Do you have a lighter? Lost mine.”
“Yeah, here, open the window so Hobie won’t smell it.”
They both sat down on the mini couch of sorts that was beneath the only window in the room. It wasn’t very comfortable, and the two of them had to sit with their knees brushing to fit. Theo took his lighter and lit Boris’ cigarette for them, before staring out into the brick wall in front of them.
With the window open you could hear the street sounds more clearly, cars horns honking and drunk people yelling. It all felt so different from the vast open silence of Las Vegas. The nights by the pool with the vast desert sky stretched out above them. But it wasn’t terrible. Of course, it was normal and familiar for Theo, but even Boris didn’t feel that out of place here. It didn’t feel like any less of a home than anywhere else he’d ever lived. Theo was here, after all.
“So,”—he took a drag of Boris’ cigarette before handing it back—“I know you already explained how you got here and everything, but why? Why did you come?”
Boris looked down at Theo and chuckled. “What do you mean, Potter? You asked me to, so I came.” Of course this wasn’t the only reason, but this was Boris and Theo after all, and when had they ever been good at explaining their true feelings to each other?
Theo sighed. “Well—yeah. But I didn’t think you’d actually follow after me. I honestly didn’t think… Id ever see you again. And—what about Kotku? Did you just, leave her? Are you gonna go back? Why did you even come here.. I-I’m not upset, but I just don’t get it, Boris.”
“Hey, Theo. Slow down, okay?” Boris gulped. He couldn’t lie about it anymore. Something about being here with Theo, sitting knee to knee smoking a cigarette again made him feel bold. He’d already come all this way, so what was the point in trying to avoid things?
“I know I didn’t come with you at first, and I am sorry. Really sorry. I should have. I wish I listened to you that night. I was stupid, okay, and…”
The goldfinch.
It was then that Boris seemed to remember the real reason he hadn’t gone with Theo that night . It was the Goldfinch. That painting with that tiny little bird that was oh so special to Theo. Boris had stolen it from him, for reasons he didn’t even fully understand himself. But he knew it was wrong, and he felt terribly guilty after.
Of course he had brought it with him to New York. It was tucked under a flap of fabric at the very bottom of his duffle bag. When he’d first decided to leave, Boris had tried to convince himself the only reason he was going so far was to give the painting back. It was, of course, one of the reasons why, but if he was honest it wasn’t the main reason.
Theo was looking at him slightly confused, and Boris realized Theo must have not noticed yet. So, though it was selfish, he decided for now he would not bring it up. Maybe he would even be able to switch it back without Theo noticing.
“…And I was scared. But after week or two, I realized. I missed you! Terribly! And I felt so guilty and I just couldn’t take it anymore. So said, fuck it , I am going to go find that bastard in New York. And I did, yeah? Am here now, with you! Are you not happy I came?”
“Of course I’m happy, you fucker. But you really just packed up and left because you missed a friend? You’re crazy Boris.”
They both just smiled at each other, Boris putting out their shared cigarette.
“..What about Kotku?”, Theo asked, almost shyly.
“Ehh…Well, me and her, I think you knew already we weren’t exactly doing so well, even before you left. Yeah?”
“What, no?”
“Oh...” He seemed genuinely surprised. “Well, yah, me and her—kind of already falling apart. I guess I never told you, I was embarrassed— and upset. And then you just left, and it got worse. I stayed with her for week or so before decided I was going to come here. But…she was not so happy about it, hah. Got so mad when I asked her to come with me! Asked why I cared about you more than her? Said I didn’t care about her!! It sucked, so I left her and came to see you, instead. And I do not regret it, honest!”
Boris was going to keep talking, but he seemed to realize he was rambling, so he made himself stop and just give Theo a smile.
Theo looked slightly at a loss, his eyebrows scrunched up so Boris could see them wrinkle his forehead above his big round glasses.
“You dumb fuck! I mean, you and her had a fight, yeah. But you, you loved her!? I mean, you were like, obsessed with her— for months! And…I kinda thought you would just forget about me after I left…Because you had her! And what now, are you just gonna stay here for a couple days then go back to her? You still love her, right?”, Now it was Theo’s turn to babble.
“No, Potter! You don’t understand! I..”
And somewhere deep in his gut Boris felt the giddiness of the situation. Of being here with Theo, and how suddenly confident he felt. And so before he could stop himself, he finally just let it all slip out. He’d come all this way, what did he have to lose now?
“I don’t love her, Potter! I did, before, I think. But I think— no. I do! I love you! You, Theo! You know that, yeah? You think I would travel 2000 fucking miles for somebody if I wasn’t in love with them?!”
Boris stopped himself, suddenly, his thoughts catching up to him enough for him to feel nervous. He really just said that, and said it out loud. It was almost just as surprising to himself as it was to Theo.
Theo was baffled beyond reply. For what wasn’t even the first time that night he just stared at Boris, mouth hanging open slightly, wordless. And Boris was much the same. His mouth suddenly felt dry, his tongue heavy and fat in his mouth. He swallowed, too nervous to talk. His mind was begging, screaming at Theo to reply, but he was also scared of what he might say if he did. Had he just fucked everything up? Oh shit, oh fuck. He just said he loved Theo, his best friend. He just admitted that he’s in love with him! What if he thinks that’s weird. What if he thinks he’s—
But before Boris’ mind could race any further he was interrupted. The next thing he knew Theo’s face was pressed to his. It was sudden, like how it was on that night, and Theo was even more aggressive about it than Boris himself had been. His glasses were digging into Boris’ cheek, but he didn’t care— Theo was kissing him. Theo was kissing him.
And before he could let himself continue to wonder, to let his thoughts catch back up and start racing worryingly through his mind again, he just kissed back. It was awkward, the two of them were uncoordinated and too flustered to focus and make it work. But it was perfect, it was just so right.
It wasn’t that long before they pulled apart, even if it felt like time had stopped for them. Like the world had temporarily stopped its rotation, just for the two of them. And for a second Theo became scared, worried that somehow this was still a mistake. But it faded away into warm bashfulness seeing Boris smiling, beaming at him. His lopsided grin even bigger than he’d ever seen it before.
Snorting a little, like he was just on the edge of a laugh, “I hate you Boris.”
“Pffft! Potter! You are not supposed to kiss somebody if you hate them, you know? You know ya love me!”, Boris snorted, giving Theo a wet kiss on the cheek before yawning loudly and laying his head on his shoulder.
“Yeah, I love you too, Boris.”
And oh, everything just felt so perfect in that moment. Theo was so overwhelmed with joy he couldn’t even feel embarrassed. Not when he just kissed Boris, and Boris kissed him back. Not when Boris loved him, and he loved Boris.
“Get off me, I’m tired.” Theo said after a few minutes, shoving Boris off of him and standing up. Though it was obviously playful and sarcastic. Boris chuckled, brushing his arm dramatically, pretending he was hurt. Theo just smiled and ignored him to turn the light off and climb into bed. Boris stood a little dumbly for a moment, before realizing.
And so he didn’t even hesitate to climb right into bed next to Theo, just like how they had in Vegas. Sharing beds like little children was normal for them before, and it felt even more right now. It had all been so sudden, everything that had happened during the night. From Boris randomly showing up to them being whatever this is now. Neither of them really knew, but neither of them felt like talking about it now either. It could wait for tomorrow. The goldfinch, the future, their new relationship, it could all wait.
And so as Theo took his glasses off and set them on the bedside table, neither of them said anything. They just lay together, and Boris didn’t have to say anything as he shuffled over and wrapped himself around Theo, his head in the others chest. They’d laid like this before, after all.
But this time it was different. Now, as Boris held onto him it wasn’t to soothe a terrible nightmare, or to try to share their warmth in the freezing Nevada nights. It was just to be close to him, because he wanted to, and he could. And laying together now it was different. They weren’t drunk or high out of their minds. No fizzling beer bottles or weed or feelings left unsaid. No fathers, or lonely thoughts of dead mothers. It was just the two of them, together, and happy. Happy and content and warm, for the first time in so long for both of them.