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Buck doesn’t do Father’s Day.
His father wasn’t exactly the most affectionate, so he stopped trying to make an effort when he was nine years old, after finding the remains of his homemade card in the trash. He hates how vividly he remembers that day, because it was that exact moment that Evan realised his dad didn’t love him like how a dad was supposed to love his son.
So, the day always hits a little hard. He usually spends it pretending that nothing is wrong, until he can collapse into his empty bed in his empty apartment and spare a few tears for the father he never had. And that’s exactly how he plans on spending this Father’s Day.
Maddie, of course, has other plans.
“Are you gonna call him?”
Buck grips his phone a little tighter as he walks up the steps of the firehouse. “What? No? Why would I?”
If Buck wasn’t frustrated, he’d laugh at the dramatic sigh Maddie lets out down the line. “Um, I don’t know, maybe because tomorrow is Father’s Day, and he’s our father?”
“You can’t be serious.” Buck deadpans. He waves a hand to Hen and Chimney who are in an intense game of Mario Kart, bumping each other’s shoulders to knock the other off balance. They grunt in return, too immersed in the game for a better welcome and Buck snorts.
“I’m being completely serious. Would it kill you just to give him a call?”
“Thing is, if I were to call him, I’d have to speak to him and engage in a conversation that will probably leave me wanting to commit a crime. So, no. I don’t plan on calling him.”
“Oh, come on.” Maddie huffs, clearly losing patience with him. “He’s not that bad. I’m asking you to say Happy Father’s Day to him, not send a jet to write the words across the sky.”
And that’s the thing that Maddie never seems to understand. Her relationship with their parents is also strained and uncomfortable, but at the end of the day she was always the golden child. They had Maddie because they wanted her, unlike him who was born for his bone marrow, not the baby that came with it.
Buck understands she’s trying to fix the relationship between them all, so when the baby comes, they’re not born into the ‘shitfest that is the Buckleys’, as Maddie put it. Buck, however, is not so keen on creating this bridge between them, he would prefer all the distance he can get, especially after the whole Daniel secret unfolded. Seeing them, hearing their disappointment, is just another reminder of everything that he couldn’t be.
“You know it’s not the same for you as it is for me, Mads.” Buck says softly. He slides into a seat by the island, smiling at Bobby who is pottering round, chopping vegetables and sprinkling various spices into pots and pans.
“It could be, if you just gave them a chance. I think they really want to try this time, Evan.”
“Maddie, I said no. I’m not stopping you from calling him, but I’m sure as hell not.” Buck can feel himself getting annoyed, because she just doesn’t get it. “Besides what would I even say? ‘Hey dad, thanks for all those times you provided me with food and didn’t kick me out the house like I know you wanted to!’”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“I’m really not. I can already hear him now - ‘Evan, stop acting like a child. Evan, stop talking so much. Evan, you’re such a disappointment’. Yeah, no thanks, I’d rather skip the bad mood that would put in for a week.”
He can see Bobby sparing glances at him from where he is stirring a pot, trying and failing to be discrete about his eve’s dropping. Buck just swivels in his chair so he’s facing the other way and holds his phone a little closer to his ear.
Finally, Maddie seems to relent. “Okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to force you.”
“It’s fine.” He sighs.
“I just really wanted things to get better between you.”
“Who? Me and dad?” Buck laughs. “For that to happen I think he’d need to get some kind of personality-altering brain tumour.”
Maddie ignores his comment. “I know they’re shit at showing it, but Buck they do love you. Deep down.”
“They don’t love me, Mads. They never did, and they probably never will. But it’s okay, I’ve made peace with it.” Buck says, mustering all the sincerity he can manage. “Anyway, I’ve gotta go. Shift is about to start.”
“Okay, love you, baby brother.”
“You too, Big Sister.”
“Oh, and Buck? Don’t go home and sulk alone tonight. Hang out with Eddie or something. Just don’t be stubborn and make yourself miserable.”
It’s frustrating how well she knows him, since those were his exact plans for after shift. “Yeah, yeah, okay. See you, Mads.”
He hangs up the phone and drops it onto the counter with a yawn.
“You okay?” Bobby says, raising an eyebrow at him.
Buck hums before reaching a hand out and snatching a chopped carrot from the board and popping it in his mouth. “Maddie’s being Maddie.”
“She just cares about you.” Bobby says in his all-knowing way.
“I know, I know. She just doesn’t really get it. Her and I have very different relationships with our parents.”
“Is there anything I can help with?”
Buck shakes his head, grateful for the support. “No, I’m good, seriously. Thanks though.”
He goes to steal another carrot when Bobby slaps his hand away. “You realise I’m not chopping these for your morning snack?”
Buck laughs but manages to his sneak his fingers in and grab another one anyway, as Bobby rolls his eyes fondly and smiles.
“Are you gonna sit there and steal my ingredients the whole time, or actually get your ass up here and help me?” Bobby challenges, handing him a wooden spoon.
Buck nods happily, knowing it was the exact distraction he needed. He’s been slowly becoming a better chef as Bobby teaches him new skills and easier dishes. Bobby instructs him on what to do, using his captain voice as he explains the intricacies of chopping an onion the correct way, and pretending to get mad when Buck eats more vegetables than he chops.
It’s nice.
***
When Eddie arrives to the station, he’s ten minutes late and rushing through the doors in a frenzy.
“Woah, woah, where’s the fire?” Buck smirks and then breaks into a laugh.
“You know that joke's not nearly as funny as you think it is.” Chimney calls over his shoulder as he checks inventory on the trucks, but he’s smiling.
“Agree to disagree.” He turns back to Eddie who is breathing heavily and running a hand through sweaty hair.
“Stressful morning.” Eddie breathes. He moves to the locker room and Buck follows him. “Carla’s got a sick bug she caught from another client, so I had to take Chris to school. But then he couldn’t find his Lego fire truck which he just had to take for show and tell, and then some idiot parked in the disabled parking space, so I had to go all the way round to the back gate and - “
“Okay, Eds, take a breath.” Buck chuckles, placing a hand on the man’s shoulders. “You got him to school fine, right?”
“Eventually, yeah.”
“Exactly. It’s all good.”
Eddie nods, relaxing slightly, but then his expression turns sour. “Ugh, crap. Abuela’s looking after him today, but tomorrow I’ve got to take her to that appointment, you know the one for her hip, and Carla could still be infectious then, so I’ll have to - “
“Eddie, I’ll pick him up, it’s fine. Take Abuela to the appointment, make sure she takes it easy, and we’ll hang out till you get back.”
“Are you sure?” Eddie’s asks, desperate. “We’ve got a twenty-four-hour shift - you’ll be tired, I don’t want to rope you into babysitting on your day off - “
“It’s not babysitting because Chris is my best friend.” Buck grins. “Besides, we finish at nine, so I’ll have a few hours to have a nap before I need to pick him up. It’s fine, Eddie, let me do this for you.”
Eddie’s shoulder sag in relief. “You’re the best”, he breathes, pulling Buck into a crushing hug. Buck lets out a small squeak of surprise, because while the two are definitely touchy for ‘friends’, they don’t hug on the regular, so it just shows how stressed Eddie really was.
Buck melts into the hug, letting himself breath in the scent of Eddie. Sometimes Buck thinks his love for Eddie is what will destroy him, but at times like these he’s just grateful he has him at all. Even if it’s not in the way he longs for.
“Go get changed.” Buck instructs, lightly shoving his shoulder. “I’ll make sure coffee is waiting for you upstairs. Don’t want you falling asleep on me.”
For a moment Eddie looks at him with a soft expression Buck can’t pick apart. “Thanks, Buck. So much.”
Buck just nods with a smile, before giving him a salute and jogging back out. He’s always a little worried Eddie will start stripping out of his clothes in front of him, since to him it means nothing, when to Buck he would definitely struggle to keep his eyes respectful and thoughts clean if he was faced with Eddie’s toned, muscular, beautiful -
Get it together, Buckley.
***
“Did you guys know that on Mars there’s a volcano that’s bigger than the entire state of Hawaii?” Buck says into the comm excitedly.
Eddie smiles fondly, because though he’d never admit it out loud, he could listen to Buck talk about random facts all day. They’re sitting in the truck, Buck and Eddie nudged together like usual, as they make their way over to their first call of the day.
“Christopher’s been learning about space in his science class. Buck’s been helping him with it.” Eddie explains to the others, even though it’s not unusual for Buck to spew random facts unprompted.
Buck nods, eyes a light with fascination. “But it’s crazy, right? Apparently, it’s triple the hight of Mount Everest - and, speaking of Mount Everest, did you know that if you were to place the mountain at the deepest part of the ocean and stand at the top, you wouldn’t even be able to see any day light? If the ocean is that big, then who knows what could be lurking down there, completely undiscovered - “
“Ugh, no, stop. The ocean freaks me out.” Chimney shudders.
“Seriously?” Hen quirks and eyebrow. “You were laughing for days when I told you my very rational, very justified fear of red ants. But you’ve got a phobia of the ocean?”
“You could literally step on an ant! Besides, it’s not a phobia, more of just a slight wariness.”
“Oh please,” Buck snorts, “Maddie told me you had to wear armbands when you last went to the beach, there were toddlers there more adventurous that you.”
Hen releases a shriek of laughter, her whole body falling forward, “Armbands?”
Chimney’s mouth drops open and shoots Buck a betrayed look. But then his eyes cloud over with mischief, and Buck knows that Chimney is about to get payback.
“Hey, Eddie,” Chimney calls smugly, as Hen’s laughter finally dies down. “Did Buck ever tell you what he used to call himself on his dating apps?”
Buck’s eyes widens and he splutters. “Woah, hey now - Chimney, man - “
Hen’s cackle starts back up again, reaching an even louder volume than before, as she wheezes out “Firehose!” in unison with Chimney, who is sitting back with his arms crossed, puffing his chest out.
Buck groans, burying his face in his hands to hide his embarrassment.
Eddie chuckles, not quite believing his ears. “Firehose?”
Chimney, who is very proud of himself for one-upping Buck, continues. “I don’t know if it’s a reference to the disproportionate size or the volume of - “
”Okay, I don’t think Eddie wants to hear the specifics, can we move on from talking about my dick?” Buck squeaks, trying not to smile at how much Hen is laughing, to the point that he’s pretty sure she’s hyperventilating.
“His face!” She shouts between her giggles, as she points to Eddie.
Eddie has gone even redder than Buck and is sitting up as straight as a board in his chair, trying to act like he hasn’t been majorly affected by the conversation. Because no matter how many times he tells himself that he and Buck are just friends, and that’s all that they’ll ever be, he can’t stop his mind from flashing images and dreams that he really shouldn’t be think about, least of all at work. He needs a cold shower.
“But I mean, you’ve got to give it to him.” Chimney shrugs, referring to Buck. “The name certainly did the trick.”
“You jealous, Chim? Want a piece of this?” Buck smirks in a cocky tone.
Chimney scrunches up his nose. “Take it easy, hotshot. One Buckley sibling is enough for me. Plus, judging by the girls and guys you used to bring back in your Buck 1.0 days, I don’t think - “
“Guys?” Eddie blurts. He clamps his mouth shut as soon as the word burst out, realising how loud he was.
The truck goes quiet. Eddie can feel Buck hold his breath next to him.
Chimney looks confused. “Yeah? What, did you not know that Buck - oh… sorry.”
Buck waves him off, forcing a tight-lipped smile onto his face. “Nah, don’t worry, Chim. It’s not a secret. Just haven’t dated a guy in a while, is all.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything. His mind is spinning with this new revelation, because all this time he’d thought that Buck was incredibly, stereotypically straight. And then the next feeling is hurt, because why wouldn’t Buck tell him? He doesn’t think he’s homophobic, does he? Or maybe, they just weren’t as close as Eddie thought they were. That sets a heavy ache in his chest.
The rest of the journey is a little awkward, lacking the banter that was there before. Eddie barely notices though, decides to keep his distance from Buck throughout the day and figures that if Buck wants to talk to him, he can be the one to initiate. He doesn’t want to feel like this friendship is one-sided.
Then again, in fairness to Buck, Eddie supposes that he also hasn’t told Buck that he suspects he might also like guys. Eddie hasn’t told anyone about that piece of himself, though, since he’s still figuring it out. Besides, one might say that Buck was his ‘sexual awakening’, or whatever, and when Buck no doubtedly asks him why the hell it took him so long to realise, he doesn’t know how to explain that without giving away his feelings. That would ruin everything.
So, feeling confused and a little overwhelmed, Eddie keeps his distance. He doesn’t actively ignore Buck and still engages in conversation, but he knows that Buck can tell he’s being off.
He’s finally falling into a light sleep when the bell rings again, and he jolts up in his bed, tumbling out before he’s fully opened his eyes and scrambling for his gear. Everyone else seems to be in a similar state of disarray, blinking sleep out of their eyes as the sun hasn't even started to rise yet. Well, everyone but Buck that is, who is wide awake and jittery, already in the truck by the time Eddie rounds the corner.
They’ve been called to a fire, a block of flats that’s going up in smoke. In the dark of the night, Eddie can already see the orange glow from down the street, so he sighs at seeing this will be a tough one.
Bobby instructs Buck and Eddie to go through the front together, and search for anyone still in the building. They nod and take off without another word.
“LAFD! Call out!” Buck shouts as they start the sweep of the ground floor. There’s no fire here, but the smoke is still thick.
They take turns in calling out and kicking down the doors, but luckily find no one, so find the stairs and head to the next floor.
As they move along the hall, Buck looks at him. “Are you mad at me or something?”
“No.” Eddie replies, but his tone is too flat. He bangs on the door of another apartment, calling out, before turning back to Buck. “You didn’t tell me you were gay.”
“I’m not.” They continue to the next apartment. “I’m bisexual, Eddie, there’s a difference.”
Eddie doesn’t respond, instead turning back to the hallway. “LAFD! Call out!” He looks back to Buck. “That’s still, like, fifty percent gay.”
“So?” Buck snaps, getting frustrated. “Is that a problem?”
They ascend the next set of stairs, noticing the smoke is getting thicker, so they must be closer to the source of the fire.
“Of course, it’s not a problem.” Eddie bites back, as they continue on. “I’m not upset over the fact you like guys - I’m upset that I’m your best friend, and apparently the only one that didn’t know about this very important part of you.”
Buck sighs. “Let’s focus on the literal building on fire, okay? We can talk about this later.”
Eddie stops for a moment, agitated at Buck for avoiding the subject. Buck just continues to walk on, wading through the smoke and not waiting for him. He decides Buck is right though, this isn’t the conversation to be having while people’s lives are in their hands. He jogs to catch up with him.
There turns out to be just one person in the building, an old lady who didn’t hear the alarms because she wasn’t wearing her hearing aids, so had been trying to hobble down the stairs with her walking stick, since the elevator is broken. The two of them manoeuvre her out, happy to see that she is uninjured, other that a mild case of smoke inhalation.
By the time they catch back up with Bobby, another station has arrived, and several hoses are spouting water through the upper windows. The fire has spread to the lower floors as well, and part of the roof has now collapsed in on itself.
Bobby tells them as much, that the building is moments away from collapsing completely so to keep their distance. They were lucky everyone managed to evacuate so quickly, or this could have been a lot worse.
“My son!”
A man’s hysterical voice has Eddie’s attention snapping to the left, where Bobby has his hands held out placatingly, trying to calm a middle-aged man.
“You have to go back in there! My son, Malcom - he’s only six, please!”
“Sir, what does your son look like? He’s probably already out here looking for you.” Bobby’s voice is calm and authoritative. But Eddie knows there’s an underlying worry to it, because if the boy is still inside, the buildings far too unstable for anyone to be sent back in.
“No, he’s not, I already checked - we’re on the second floor, apartment 2C, please! He’ll be hiding, he hides when he gets scared!” The man is in tears, trying to step past Bobby to venture in himself. “You have to find him, I can’t lose him, I can’t - he’s my little boy, please.”
Eddie’s heart aches for the man. Just the thought of Christopher in that building - no, he won’t think about that now.
“Bobby, I’m going in.”
Eddie’s eyes fly to Buck’s, who's already putting his mask and helmet back on, a determined look in his eyes. His mouth opens but nothing comes out, so struck with fear.
“Buck, no.” Bobby shouts, because he’s a few feet away, still stopping the man from going inside. “The building's too unstable. It could come down at any second.”
“I’ve made up my mind.” Buck says, his jaw set. Then suddenly he turns to Eddie. “Don’t follow me in there, Eddie. No matter what happens. Think about Christopher.”
And then he’s walking away, and Eddie still can’t get a damn sound to leave his mouth.
“Buckley! Don’t go in there, that’s an order!” Bobby yells, angry yet completely helpless as Buck doesn’t even turn to look at them, jogging through the doors of the entrance and disappearing into the smoke. Eddie can see Bobby talking into his radio, spit flying from his mouth. “Buck, turn back! Its too dangerous! I’m ordering you to turn back!”
But he doesn’t. He’s gone.
Eddie feels like he’s floating. He’s reaching for his helmet without realising, about to clip it round his neck when there is a firm grip on his arm.
It’s Bobby. He must have crossed the distance between them because now he’s directly in front of him. “Don’t go in there, Eddie.”
Think about Christopher.
Buck’s voice in his head sobers him, and he realises with a sinking dread that he really can’t follow his partner. Eddie stares at the entrance, at the smoke still pouring out of it with his breath held, because Buck is taking too long, and in this moment he hates him so much for playing the fucking hero but still loves him so much it hurts.
There’s a deafening boom, so loud that Eddie can feel it reverberate in his chest and it rattles his teeth, and then the roof is collapsing inwards and - and there is debris falling, crumbling into the lower floors in a mess of fiery explosions and clouds of dust that is so forceful it nearly knocks him back.
Eddie’s not sure if he screamed. Some kind of strangled noise definitely left his mouth, as he lurches forward, Bobby the only thing stopping him from running into the fire.
Grief is already making it hard to breath, because the whole building has been demolished, there’s nothing left of it and no one could possibly survive that, but Buck was still in there, he was -
“Buckley, respond!” Bobby is shouting into his radio, and Eddie can hear the way his voice cracks and bleeds like he’s falling apart just as much as Eddie. His head whips around, in a daze, and he can see Hen and Chimney, faces stricken as they hold onto each other.
Eddie knows for a fact that this is one of those moments. Those moments where the earth is tilted on its axis, and nothing will be the same again. He feels trapped in the initial boom, it’s still rattling through his bones and now it’s completely crushing his chest. It’s on of those moments he’ll never be able to forget, one that will haunt him in everything he does because he’ll never be able to escape this all-consuming feeling. Because Buck is gone and it’s his fault, if he’d stopped him from going in -
“Buck!” He can hear Hen scream, and it takes him a moment to look up, but when he does he can see why.
There is a figure emerging from the smoke. They are just a silhouette against the blanket of ash around them, but he already knows it’s Buck, and in that moment all the air rushes out of him in a dizzying relief.
It’s Buck, in all his heroic glory, as he comes closer to them, a six-year-old boy in his arms who he sets to the ground. The boy takes off running, into the arms of his father who is sobbing with joy, but Eddie’s focus is on Buck, who rips of his helmet and mask, wiping sweat from his forehead.
Eddie’s moving before he makes the decision to, stalking towards where Buck is standing, and for a moment all he feels is blinding rage.
Buck’s eyes widen as he gets closer. “Eddie, look - “
Eddie doesn’t let him finish, planting both his hands against Buck’s chest and shoving him backwards. It’s not hard, but Buck stumbles back in shock.
“Why the hell would you do that?” Eddie shouts. There are tears on his cheeks, and Buck might be fine, he’s talking and he’s walking and he’s right in front of him, but Eddie’s still so fucking terrified. “Bobby told you not to go in! He told you it wasn’t safe!”
He pushes Buck again, and Buck lets him. “You could have died. We all thought you fucking died, Evan! You can’t just - you can’t - “
Eddie breaks off, looking into Buck’s blue eyes, and suddenly realises he’s not angry. Not really.
He doesn’t think, he just moves forward, closes the distance between them.
He doesn’t think as one of his hands is reaching for the collar of Buck’s turnout, the other cupping the side of his face, as he pulls the man into a deep, searing kiss.
It’s everything.
It’s terrifying.
It’s another one of those moments.
But he pulls back, only a few inches, just enough so he can stare into Buck’s eyes, which are wide but loving and intense and concerned and just so Buck that he almost laughs.
Then Buck surges forward and - kisses him back. His hand grips onto Eddie’s bicep tightly as he deepens the kiss, and Eddie is quick to respond, trying to pull their bodies closer together.
When they break away, both just look at each other.
“You’re an idiot.” Eddie breathes. It’s no more than a whisper and it’s lacking any of the bite he intended.
“I know.” Buck nods, equally as breathless. “We should, uh, get back to the trucks.”
Eddie grips Buck’s hand as they walk back, and he’s pretty sure it’s the only thing stopping him from falling to his knees.
***
By the time they get back to the station, Buck is both exhausted and thrumming with anxiety at the same time.
Things feel weird. Him nearly dying or doing something sacrificial isn’t very unusual though, so he’s not sure why this instance is hitting so hard.
Bobby has barely looked at him since the call, Hen won’t stop staring at him, Chimney doesn’t make a single joke at his expense and Eddie fucking kissed him.
Like, on the mouth.
On the mother fucking mouth.
Right now, though, he’s tucking that little development away until he can get his head on straight, and under no circumstances is he getting his hopes up. Eddie could have just been experimenting (though that would be a weird time to do it), it could have just been the adrenaline, or maybe he hit his head on a beam and somehow Buck didn’t notice, or maybe the smoke has somehow gotten into his brain and really it was just a big mis-
“Buckley, my office.” Bobby says as he’s hopping off the truck. And Buck knew it was coming, was simply waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it still sits like a stone in his stomach. “Now.”
Buck just nods. He shrugs off his turnout coat, which is heavy with grime, and flashes a small smile to Eddie who takes it off his hands without another word. His face must still be covered in soot like the rest of him, and he is about to take a shower, but Bobby is already making his way up to his office and he doesn’t want to piss off the captain further by making him wait.
“We should talk.” Eddie says, looking at the floor, Buck’s turnout still in hand. “Later, though.”
Buck nods again, and gives Eddie’s hand one last squeeze before he takes off after Bobby. But just as he’s ascending the stairs, he hears Athena’s voice, along with the rest of the Grant family.
When he gets to the top, he can see Harry, tightly wrapping his arms around Bobby as far as they can go, hands splayed across his back, completely uncaring that Bobby is still covered in soot and probably reeks of smoke. May is dressed in her dispatch uniform, a fond smile on her face and box of dark chocolates in her hands (dark, because Bobby always insists that anything milkier than dark is not real chocolate). Athena’s laughing at something Bobby said - and not her polite laugh, the one that has her bending at the waist and cackling like a witch.
And with a sinking feeling of something Buck would rather not think about, he realises its Father’s Day. He hadn’t realised among the chaos of their last call, hadn’t even thought about it, but now, with a glance at the clock, he realises it’s just gone eight, so they must have dropped by before their shift and school starts.
Buck has stilled at the top of the stairs, his hands gipping the railing because he suddenly feels like he’s intruding on a family moment. He hopes none of them look over because he’s sure the sunlight is reflecting an ugly green off him, because - well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? Buck has no right to feel jealous.
He isn’t a part of their family. Bobby isn’t his dad. Athena’s not his mom and he’s sure as heck not their son. He doesn’t fit.
And he could call his old man if he wanted to, but it would hurt too much so he won’t.
He’s an outsider looking in. Buck’s pretty sure this is what Dr Copeland meant when she said he was grieving for a childhood he didn’t get, for the parents that should have loved him. At the time he didn’t get it, but now, staring at Bobby’s family, he thinks he might finally understand, because it aches how badly he wants that.
“Buckaroo!” Athena cheers, holding her arms out for a warm hug. It startles him out of his daze and he stumbles over to her, choosing to ignore the slight hint of concern in her eyes that says she probably saw him staring at them like a kicked puppy. “Boy, you stink.”
"Don't hug him too much, he's in trouble." Bobby says with his eyebrows raised.
"Buck? In trouble? Now that doesn't seem likely." Athena says, using her sarcastic tone that no one else can pull off.
Buck smiles sheepishly, shrugging, but chooses not to say anything. He gives Harry a fist bump (because he’s now at the age where hugs aren’t cool) and he greets May, asking her how dispatch is going. If Athena notices anything about the slightly-off vibe, she doesn’t mention it.
Soon enough they’re waving goodbye, and by the time Buck can turn back to Bobby, the man is already in his office, door closed.
Buck knocks cautiously. Bobby’s mad at him - he must be. May and Harry arriving for a Father’s day surprise would have cheered him up temporarily, but even then he could see the man glancing at him on and off throughout the whole interaction.
When Bobby doesn’t answer, Buck takes a breath and pushes open the door slowly. Bobby is standing, arms crossed, looking out the window. He doesn’t acknowledge him.
“Cap?” Buck asks, hating how his voice nearly cracks. He shifts from foot to foot awkwardly. “Are you gonna suspend me?”
“Do I need to?” Bobby’s shoulders are tense. He doesn’t turn around.
Buck doesn’t say anything. He’s pretty sure he’s not supposed to, and it would be just like him to do something stupid like answer a rhetorical question.
“I should suspend you.” Bobby says eventually, dropping his shoulders and turning to face him.
Buck takes a step forward without meaning to. “Bobby, please --”
“Are you suicidal, Buck?”
The question is like a slap across the cheek. For a split second he’s not sure what response he’s supposed to give. He kind of wants to laugh or say something sarcastic, but even he knows it’s not the time.
He’s quiet for too long, though, and Bobby suddenly looks devastated.
“No!” Buck blurts. “No, I’m - I’m not suicidal, of course I’m not!”
Bobby must believe him because his eyes flutter shut in relief. “I’m sorry, kid, I just had to ask. You realise how your behaviour looks to an outsider, right? I ordered you to stay put, the building was seconds from collapsing --”
“I thought it through.”
“Did you though?” Bobby presses. “To me it doesn’t look like you though anything through. You ran back into that fire without a moment’s hesitation. You didn’t think about what it would be like for us if you didn’t walk back out - what about Eddie, what about Christopher --”
“It was the dad.” Buck cuts in. He stares at his shoes because he’s a little worried he might tear up and he doesn’t want his Captain to see that. “When he was - when he was begging for us to save his son, I couldn’t help but think what if it had been Christopher in there? And I know Chris isn’t my kid so it’s not the same thing, but - but if it was him in there, and it was me on the side-lines, I know I would want whoever it was to do everything in their power to bring them back. And I don’t regret it. Because I saved that father’s Christopher.”
Bobby looks at him for a long time, lips pursed. “I’m not going to suspend you. Because unfortunately what gives me grey hairs is also what makes you a great firefighter. You pull that stunt again, though? I’ll make you man behind for the rest of the year.”
Buck laughs. “Thanks, Cap.”
“There was something else I wanted to say, though.” Now Bobby’s the one that can’t seem to keep eye contact, like he’s nervous. “I know today's tough for you. I’m not gonna pretend I know the relationship between you and your parents, but I know they haven’t been there for you, not in the way that matters. I also know what it’s like to lose a child, and today I thought I was going to have to go through that again.”
Buck feels like he’s got a pebble lodged down his throat as he tried to gulp, not able to speak a word.
“I hope you know how proud I am of you. And not just because you’re a firefighter on my team, and not just because you beat department records like it’s nobody’s business. I’m proud because of who you are. It doesn’t matter what your parents say, because they don’t know you. But I do, and I know that you’re good, in every way that matters.”
He’s blinking back tears now but there’s so much warmth in his chest there’s no room for shame. He's pretty sure he’s never know what it’s like to be loved unconditionally, he certainly never had it growing up. Maybe from Maddie for a time, but then she was gone too quick for the feeling to sink in. Looking at Bobby, though, he thinks this is it.
Buck says the only thing he can think off, the only thing that feels right. “Happy Father’s Day, Bobby.”
Bobby grins at him like he just offered him the stars, and before he knows it, they’re both crashing together in a hug that’s so tight he can’t really breath, but he doesn’t care - he never wants to let go.
***
Buck loves picking Christopher up from school. He thinks it might actually be one of his favourite things ever.
He’s currently leaning against the school gate, surrounded by the other moms and dads that are here for pick up, trying to navigate four different conversations with four different single moms who think it’s ‘so brave of him to raise little Chris all on his own’ , despite him telling them that Chris is not actually his son, and that the kid’s got a whole load of carers in his corner.
He can deal with the constant flirting though, it’s worth enduring the small talk to see the grin that breaks out on Christopher’s face when he comes through those classroom doors.
Today is no different. If anything, he’s even more giddy with excitement since Buck picking him up was a surprise, so he bounds over with excited laughter and a shout of ‘ Bucky! Buck picks him up and spins him around, hoping the flying crutches don’t take out any other fourth graders. They wave goodbye to the teachers who don’t even need to check the pickup sheet since Buck is here so often now and is well acquainted with the staff.
After double checking Christopher’s seatbelt (he’s a first responder - he’s seen first hand how dangerous not wearing a seatbelt can be), they set off back to the apartment.
“- and guess what, Bucky!” Christopher says enthusiastic, a little too loudly for it to be his inside voice, but there is no way Buck is about to dampen his enthusiasm. The sound of his day saying, Do you always have to be so loud, Evan?, is enough to know he never wants Chris to feel self-conscious about his excitement.
“What?”
“We’re doing a research project, and Miss Layord said we can do it on whatever we want and present it however we want to and she said that whoever’s is the best gets free tickets to the aquarium!”
“No way!” Buck laughs, matching his enthusiasm easily. “We better win you that aquarium trip then, aye?”
“I want to do mine on dinosaurs.” Christopher states with a serious expression that says he means business, and Buck has to bite his lip not to giggle.
Dinosaurs has been Christopher's latest fixation, since apparently space is boring now. Buck doesn’t mind, secretly he loves researching all the new topics so he can relay the information back to Chris in fun and exciting ways, which isn’t hard, since the kid is a literal genius.
“Oh no, Buck!”
Buck whips his head round, suddenly worried. “Yeah, Buddy?”
Christopher looks close to tears, and the change in mood is so sudden it’s leaving Buck reeling. “I haven’t gotten dad anything for Father’s Day! I was gonna get something with Carla after school, but then you picked me up and I got excited so I forgot and now I haven’t got him anything and --”
“Hey, hey, hey, okay.” Buck soothes the boy’s rambling, who is furiously wiping his hands across his cheeks. Buck doesn’t mention the tears, since he’s pretty sure Chris didn’t want him to see. “We’ll go get something now, okay? We’ve got loads of time.”
Christopher nods from the backseat, still sniffling quietly.
“And you know, I heard that Target is the best place to go dinosaur hunting…”
As expected, Christopher’s eyes light up at that, and Buck spends the entire shopping trip jumping out from behind aisles, giving his best impression of various dinosaurs by flailing his arms about or making strange squawking noises. He doesn’t care that it’s giving him questioning looks from strangers or disapproving glares from middle-aged women, who obviously don’t think his impressions are as funny as he does.
It's all worth it for the way Chris falls about in a fit of giggles, before running to catch him with his ‘dinosaur extractor’, which is really just a plunger he found in the cleaning aisle.
When they’re finally queuing up to pay, they have ended up acquiring a range of things. As for Eddie’s gift, Christopher picks out a sign that reads Bestest Dad in the Whole Wide World!, deciding it would go perfectly on Eddie’s bedroom door, along with some brightly coloured poster paint, since Christopher wants to make it a bit more original.
They also pick out ingredients so they can bake Eddie a cake, Christopher insisted it has to be at least three tiers tall and consist of every candy and chocolate they can find. (He would feel bad for the sugar high Eddie is going to have to deal with at bedtime, but right now he’s smiling too hard to care.)
And finally, because Buck can’t say no to those damn Diaz eyes that have him melting, he also buys the plunger, which seems to be entertaining him more than any other toy he owns.
Soon enough they are back at home - Eddie’s house, god, Buck needs to get a grip. They’ve got a couple hours or so before Abuela’s appointment will be done and Eddie will be back, so Buck immediately lays a large plastic sheet over the dining table and starts to get the paints out.
It says it’s kid’s paint, so shouldn’t stain, but if Buck is anything, he’s paranoid, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin Chris’s clothes. He digs around in the drawer in Eddie’s dresser that is labelled his, since he’s here so often. (Which doesn’t mean anything - it’s just for convenience, that’s it, okay?) He pulls out one of his old station shirts that’s got his name on the back. He usually uses it as a pyjama top but figures it can double as an arts and crafts top.
Chris giggles when Buck hands it out to him but puts it on eagerly. Buck can feel his heart about burst right out of his chest when the kid walks out his bedroom, because the shirt is so long it falls bellow his knees and the short sleeves go over his elbows. It’s completely adorable and Buck has to laugh and shake his head so he doesn’t do something completely absurd like cry.
The paint brushes are quickly abandoned when Chris realises finger painting is way more fun, somehow dragging Buck into help as they take turns swiping paint across each other’s faces.
The sign becomes an absolute mess of colours that doesn’t resemble anything but a large splodge and for a moment Buck is worried Chris is going to be upset when he realises it doesn’t look like the magnificent artwork he had in mind. But Chris is beaming with pride as he holds it up, and Buck is pretty sure it’s his new favourite painting because they made it together and he wouldn’t change a thing.
Making the cake is an equally chaotic affair.
Now, Buck is no baker. He’s barely getting the hang of the whole cooking thing with Bobby’s help, but when it comes to baking, he is seriously out of his depth. He figures he’s just got to follow the recipe, right?
Wrong. It is so much more complicated than that. What the hell do they mean when they say don’t over-mix? What qualifies as over mixing or undermixing - does it refer to the strength of the mixing or the duration? And none of the books tell you what to do when the icing does not spread across the sponge but stick to it instead, or why on earth the whole middle of his second sponge has sunken in for no apparent reason. Seriously, if it wasn’t for Chris laughing and making fun of him, he’d be on the edge of a mental breakdown at how difficult this is.
As per request, the cake has got three tears and the only thing keeping it vertical is the masses of icing they’ve packed onto it. They’ve placed the cake on the top of the fridge while they decorate, since Christopher insisted that he sit on Buck’s shoulders and direct him by tugging on his hair ratatouille-style.
That’s the scene Eddie walks into.
He’s frozen between tossing his keys onto the counters and putting his duffel onto the floor as he takes in the image before him, eyes darting between the puddles of paint on the plastic sheet that’s laid across the kitchen tables, to the bowls and splatters of mixture that decorate the counters, to Christopher sitting on Buck’s shoulders like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
“Dad!” Christopher exclaims, buzzing with excitement. He waves a wooden spoon around in the air – and Eddie can already see that Buck caved and let him lick the melted chocolate off the spoon, because it’s all around his mouth and dripping down his shirt which - oh. Okay.
Okay. Christopher is wearing one of Buck’s sleep shirts. He recognises it instantly because it’s one he keeps in Eddie’s dresser for nights that Buck crashes on the couch, and he isn’t exactly sure why the sight of his son in it makes his heart twist painfully and his stomach do flip flops in away that has him dropping his keys onto the floorboards.
Buck looks like a deer caught in headlights. There is chocolate mix smeared across his forehead and flour caked into his curls from where Christopher has got his hands on him atop his shoulders, and he’s still got his hands held over what looks like a cake, rainbow sprinkles slipping between his fingers.
“Eddie—"
Buck’s mouth opens and closes like a fish, and if Eddie wasn’t still processing what on earth he’s just walked into he’d tease him for it.
“I thought you weren’t coming home by six!” He squeaks, obviously mortified at having made such a cataclysmic mess, and struggling to explain himself.
“It is six,” Eddie replies. He scratches his head. Looks around.
It’s when he makes eye contact with Buck that he loses all composure. A slightly deranged laugh bursts past his lips, and before he knows it he’s bending over at the waste and pointing at the mess and wiping tears from his eyes because this whole thing is fucking ridiculous and he loves his little family more than anything in the world.
Christopher joins in, of course, because if someone’s laughing then Christopher will always laugh with them.
“What is going on?” Eddie says as he finally gets his breath back. “Looks like a nuclear paint bomb went off in here. And a nuclear cake.”
Buck opens his mouth to respond, no doubt to apologise profusely, but is interrupted by the boy sitting on top of him.
“Surprise!” Christopher shouts, with a toothy grin. “Happy Father’s Day!”
“This is all for me?” Eddie asks, suddenly a little emotional.
“Duh, silly.” Christopher rolls his eyes.
Buck laughs sheepishly. “I was planning on having everything sorted by the time you got back. A bit of a failure on my part. Sorry, man.”
“Are you kidding?” Eddie can see that Buck genuinely does feel bad, as if this isn’t one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him. Sure, it’s going to take an effort to clean up, but it’ll be worth every moment for this warm fuzzy feeling in this chest that is reaching out for his two-favourite people. He hadn’t realised how damn lucky he really is. “This is – this is amazing guys, really.”
Buck’s shoulders seem to drop in relief, as if Eddie could ever be mad for this. The whole scene is so domestic he’s praying that this feeling never goes away – he wants it like this forever. Just like this.
It’s a miracle that Eddie makes it through the whole night. When Christopher proudly presents him with the sign that is so caked with colour he can hardly read the Bestest Dad in the Whole Wide World, he is clenching his teeth together so he doesn’t cry.
If he’s completely honest, most of the colours have bled together to make ugly browns and greens, and he’s not sure what any of the shapes are actually supposed to be, but on the back it’s signed by ‘Christopher and his Bucky’, so it’s already his new favourite thing he owns. He hugs it close to his chest as he tells the pair so, already thinking back to wear his tool kit is so he can hammer it into his bedroom door.
It's about fifteen minutes until Christopher's extended bedtime, and he can see the boy starting to flag.
“Hey, Chris,” Eddie says, pausing The Lego Movie and looking to Christopher who's sandwiched between him and Buck on the couch. “Didn’t you have something you wanted to give Buck?”
Christopher springs up, already clambering off the couch. “I nearly forgot!”
“Forgot what?” Buck voices, confused, but Christopher is already down the hallway and turning into his room.
Buck looks to Eddie, who just smirks at him knowingly.
“I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” Christopher yells as he comes running in, waving an envelope in his hand.
Buck sits up and cautiously takes the envelope. His heart is already beating out of his chest as he looks to Eddie again for some kind of insight into what this is, but again, the man just smiles and gestures for him to open it.
He opens it, sliding out the card inside.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, BUCKY!”
The tears form in his eyes and his throat gets tight so quickly he has to blink the sudden wave of emotions away. With shaking hands, he opens it.
Dear Buck,
Thank you for being my second dad.
Lots and lots and lots of love,
Christopher.
(p.s just keep swimming!)
(pp.s dad wanted to sign it too, but I said he can’t because he didn’t help make it at all.)
A wet laugh bursts from his mouth. He continues to stare at the card, and then to Christopher who is beaming up at him with hopefully eyes.
“This is – this is just…” Buck doesn’t know where to begin.
“Do you like it?” Chris urges, leaning eagerly against his knee.
Buck doesn’t think he will ever be able to find the word to express his gratitude and pure love for the boy in front of him, so he pulls him into a tight hug instead, hoisting Christopher into his lap. He presses a kiss to Christopher's curls, earning a giggle from the boy.
He looks over Chris’s shoulder to wear Eddie is sat, watching them with a soft gaze and warm smile.
Both Buck and Eddie tuck Christopher into bed. They read him a chapter from the fourth Harry Potter book, assigning each other characters to play the voices of, showcasing their attempts at British accents (to Eddie’s amazement, Buck has it spot on).
Christopher’s asleep soon enough, so together they sneak out of the room, dodging the floorboards they both know creak.
"Why is Christopher insisting on sleeping with a plunger?" Eddie says as the walk back into the main room.
Buck snorts. "It's a dinosaur extractor." He supplies, but doesn't offer him any more of an explanation than that.
They fall into a comfortable quiet as they tidy up the living room. It’s when they are washing up that Buck says something. Eddie is washing while Buck dries, their usual routine.
“So… are we going to talk about what happened earlier?”
“I’m sorry.” Eddie says, before Buck can get another word out. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
Buck feels his heart sink. He pauses his repetitive motions of wiping the dish towel across the plate. “You regret it?”
“Yes and no.”
“Oh.” Buck breathes. Suddenly he’s itching to grab his bag and leave. He wants to leave and hide away so Eddie doesn’t see the embarrassment on his face, because to him that kiss had been absolutely everything he’s wanted for so long, and the thought that Eddie doesn’t feel the same way is sending ripples of hurt straight to his heart.
Eddie blows out a frustrated breath. He’s never been good with his words, now is no exception. “Yes, I regret not giving you a second to decide if you wanted it. I regret that I chose our first kiss to be outside of a burning building, in front of all our colleagues, instead of after some magical date where I did everything right and made you feel special.
“Because, Evan, you deserve to feel special. You deserve to have your first kisses under fairy lights or at the top of the Eifel tower or – I don’t know, I guess I’m just annoyed I didn’t do any of it right. Hell, you didn’t even know that I liked guys until I thought it would be a good idea to lay one on you. So, yeah, I regret kissing you like that, but I don’t regret kissing you. Forget it, that doesn’t make any sense –”
“Hey,” Buck says with a breathy chuckle, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I don’t need any of that. I just need you. I mean, yeah, our first kiss being in front of all our co-workers isn’t ideal, but to be honest I don’t really care. You were the one finally kissing me, so nothing else really mattered.”
“You mean that?” Eddie says, insecurity bleeding between the words.
“Yep. Besides, I think the top of the Eiffel tower would be too windy. And too tourist-y.”
“Oh, shut up.” Eddie chuckles, his eyes twinkling with fondness. “What about in front of my kitchen sink?”
Buck hums, leaning forward. “So romantic.”
And so they kiss. Its nothing like the first time, where Buck’s lips tasted of ash and it was urgent and desperate – no, this time it’s tender, and loving but just as passionate.
As the kiss deepens, Eddie reaches his hands up and places them on either side of Buck’s face to pull him in more, but his hands are still wet and soapy from doing the dishes and Buck pulls back with a laugh against his lips.
“Now my face is all wet.”
“Too bad.” Eddie whispers before going back in, stronger this time, lips parting as he lets out a breathy moan.
Buck pulls back just an inch, so when he talks it’s directly into his mouth. “Another reason why the Eifel Tower is a no-go – if we were in public, I wouldn’t be able to do this.”
Eddie chokes on what could be a laugh or a groan as Buck squeezes his ass with a cheeky grin. “Woah, there. We haven’t even been on a first date, don’t you think that’s a bit forward?” Eddie says, but he’s smiling and it’s taking everything in him not to tear at Buck’s clothes till they’re nothing but scraps on the floor.
“Eds, my dating username used to be Firehose. I’m a forward guy, you should know this about me. But fine, you want a first date? I will wine and dine you so hard.”
“What? I thought I was going to be the one wining and dining you.”
“Fine, we’ll wine and dine each other - here, I’ll start.” Buck takes a step back and extends his hand. “Hi, Eddie. It’s nice to meet you. You look even sexier in real life that on your dating profile.”
“Hi, Firehose.” Eddie says, smiling when Buck snorts at the name. “Pleasure to be your acquaintance.”
He sticks his own hand out to formally shake Buck’s, only to let out a startled yelp when Buck pulls him in roughly, other hand going to his waist, as they clash together in a desperate kiss. They move against each other, fingers pulling at hair like a couple of horny teenagers.
Before they can get too carried away, Buck pulls back, breathing heavily. “Better?”
“Yeah.” Eddie nods, breathless and a little dazed. “Much better.”
Maybe, Buck thinks, distantly, Father’s Day isn’t so bad after all.