Work Text:
Baby.
Baby in his hands.
Door in his face.
Crying baby.
Okay then.
No, actually, what?
Chan didn’t have any time to react as his ex-girlfriend yelled at him, thrusted a child in his hands, and then slammed his own front door in his face before driving off…
…leaving Chan with a wailing child. Who seemed currently unconsolable.
To be fair to the baby, his mother did just leave him with a total stranger.
Chan had been entirely aware she had been pregnant. To be clear- he wasn’t a deadbeat. He had asked to be in his child’s life, before the birth of the boy, and she had refused- saying she was going to take care of it.
So that had been that. He’d tried contacting her but she had very dramatically ripped out her landline according to a very upset Sana, not responding to his calls or emails- anything . Just breaking up with him through friends, and leaving a heartbroken Chan to mope for a couple of weeks before moving on.
…until appearing out of nowhere , months later, baby in her hands, seemingly irritated.
She had said a lot of things Chan couldn’t really pay attention to. Something, something… she wasn’t suited for this. Something, something… neither was Chan. Something… Chan would make a horrible parent.. something… adoption was a worse choice… something… good luck.
(She said “good luck” in a sarcastic tone. Like she was hoping for his downfall so she could be smug about it.)
Slam of the door.
Door in the face.
Crying, wailing baby reaching out for its mother who was long gone.
Chan’s first thought was that he should call his parents-
No, actually- his first thought was that he has too much alcohol out throughout the house, and he needs to get rid of it immediately. Then he had an intrusive thought about one of his roommates trying to mix alcohol with baby formula and downing it in a shot glass.
God .
Okay, okay, call the parents. Call the parents now.
“I knew you couldn’t trust that Park Yeeun!”
Yikes.
“Ma-”
“What did I say? I said she’s too old for you! Everybody you hang out with is such a bad crowd!”
Shit.
Chan couldn’t get a word in as his mother berated him. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take- how much more comparing him to his siblings she was going to do, how much more reminding him of his bad decisions- all while the baby- Jisung the birth certificate read, was in his free hand, crying still.
“-Bang Chan if you don’t bounce that baby right this instant, I’m trying to speak to you.”
“What?”
Chan had zoned out, and upon zoning in, he was utterly confused as to what his mother was talking about.
“Bounce your baby.”
“Uhm…” He hesitated, frowning. What did she mean… bounce the baby?
Jisung hadn’t stopped crying, and Chan wouldn’t lie if he said it wasn’t driving him up a wall. But he didn’t want to shake the baby. He didn’t want to shake his baby.
He tried to think to a show he’s watched with a baby. What do they do?
He grimaced as he slowly bent his knees, jostling Jisung slightly as he gently bounced up and down. It was awkward - comical, almost.
“Okay. Okay. Hey buddy. Shhh shhh.” Chan whispered to the baby slowly, house phone in one hand, Jisung in the other. It was like magic, how easily Jisung’s cries subsided. Chan gasped, in almost bewilderment, but mostly in relief. Jisung sniffled, leaning his head against Chan’s chest, eyes wide as he stared at the phone. He made grabby hands, to which Chan shook his head, continuing to bounce Jisung. “No buddy, that’s my mom, not yours.”
“Bounce your baby. Go to the library and pick up some parenting books. Or better yet, since you’re definitely not fit to be a parent, think about putting the poor kid up for adoption before you mess him up.”
Ouch.
“Mom?”
She hung up.
Shit.
Chan exhaustedly looked at Jisung, bouncing him still, Jisung now babbling as he looked around curiously.
Chan looked around too, but instead of curiosity in his mind, he was mentally taking note of everything he needed to put up for Jisung.
His roommates were certainly going to have… an adjustment.
He spent the night converting their old bathroom (mini art studio. It didn’t actually work or have water running, so they made it a little art corner) into a temporary daycare, cushioning the bathtub with pillows and a quilt. Jisung took to his makeshift crib quite nicely. Chan figured tomorrow he’d ask Sana and Momo to help him build a crib to put in his room. Younghyun would be up in a matter of hours, so it would be wonderful to have his help in both baby proofing and baby watching. And maybe even baby grocery shopping.
As it turned out, Jisung did not want to stay in his very cool bathtub art studio bathroom crib.
No, no.
He was already old enough to crawl, as it turned out, and was also old enough to have enough personality to be stubborn . He decided to crawl around behind his father- very slowly. Trailing behind him at a snail's pace. Surprisingly quietly too, which is why Chan didn’t even notice at first until a very half-awake Younghyun walked in, holding Jisung up in the air awkwardly, blinking awake.
“Channie, why’s there a baby crawling in our apartment hall?”
“Oh fuck .” Chan nearly dropped what he was doing to rush to Jisung- immediately checking there was nothing in his mouth- what if he had already swallowed something? Oh god. What if he had a micro cut?? Or a splinter!? Chan took Jisung from Younghyun’s arms, giving him a thorough inspection under the table lamp next to their ratty couch, Jisung giggling as Chan stared at his toes intensely. Did baby toes always look like that? Or was Jisung’s swollen-
“Chan? Did you steal a baby?”
“Hmm?” Chan didn’t look up at Younghyun as he continued inspecting Jisung, only satisfied when he saw that there wasn’t even a hint of a cut or bruise on the child’s skin. “No, he’s mine.”
“He’s what!? ”
“He’s…” Chan looked up. “I only got him like a few hours ago. Yeeun couldn’t handle parenthood, I guess. She gave me a good luck though.”
“She gave you a good luck?” Younghyun asked skeptically.
“It was very uh… not genuine.”
“She dropped off her Korean baby at an immigrant punk house and expected us to be able to take care of him better than she could?”
Chan didn’t even think of that. Oh wow .
“Well, he has Australian citizenship too, I think. Like, automatically.”
“No, I think you have to apply for it.”
“Or raise him there?”
“Are you going back to Australia?”
“No.” Chan shook his head. “I don’t have the money even if I wanted to.” He picked up Jisung and plopped him back in Younghyun’s hands, patting Jisung’s feet, getting another gurgle of giggles from the little guy. “Hold him. Bounce him. I’m baby proofing our place. When Jae wakes up he’s on uhhh… baby grocery duty. Cause I gotta go to the library and get books.”
“Cloth diapers are a thing, they’re probably cheaper.” Younghyun said.
Chan blinked. “Dude. I don’t have breasts.”
“So?”
“We need… formula?”
“Why can’t someone here do it??? You know… someone… with breasts…?”
“...Dude. How do you think pregnancy works? Or boobs for that matter??”
Chan and Younghyun stared at each other for a moment, Jisung gurgling a small burp to break the silence.
Eventually, all housemates were made quickly aware of the situation. Or, more, Momo woke up, had promptly cooed at Jisung and taken him out of his father’s hands, and only decided to ask questions when Sana freaked out over a baby being in the house. And her things being moved around because her leatherworking kit was too dangerous to have out around the baby.
“What’s his name?” Jae asked as he watched Jisung play with a toy that had been in a backpack Yeeun dropped off with him. Jisung hit his head with the toy accidentally and stared at it a moment before gurgling in confusion, as if muttering something. But in baby speak.
“Jisung.” Chan answered. “She gave him an English name too, It’s awful. Peter.”
“Oh.” Sana wrinkled her nose. “That’s worse than Sharon .”
“Mina likes her English name.”
“Yeah because she has awful taste.”
“Hm.” Chan shrugged as he flipped his eggs, sniffing. “There was some formula already in the bag, but not enough for more than a couple of days so I need help. Whoever’s free would be wonderful.”
“I’m free.” Sana said with a nod. “I noticed the old bathtub has been converted.”
“Yeah…” Chan sighed, frowning. “First order of business, we need like, a fu…” He trailed off, squinting at Jisung, who stared back at his father, “...we need to work on our language maybe. And a crib. Baby proofing the house. And clothes.”
“Thrift store.” Sana said with a nod, Chan pulling away from the baby bag. “There’s uh, some disposable diapers in there, some toys, a stuffed… elephant? His documents, and the formula I took out. And a change of clothes.”
So basically, almost nothing for a baby.
“Oh fuck Yeeun.” Momo said, rolling her eyes. “That’s bullshit. I’m sure she has a crib or some shit she should give too, she dropped him at your doorstep after all.”
“Yeah…” Chan hummed, picking up Jisung, Jisung snuggling up on Chan’s chest. Hey, he’s getting kinda good at this!
“We’re not going to instigate it. Okay? Let’s just do what we can and-”
“You’re too nice.” Sana interrupted him.
“No, I just can’t be bothered with his mother right now.” Chan said. And it was the truth. He’s not sure he could really handle Yeeun fully if he asked her for anything else she might’ve had for their son. She would’ve made it a whole thing. And he wasn’t about to make it a whole thing. He just didn’t have the energy for it.
“Buuuuuuuuh.” Jisung stared up at the ceiling like he was in deep thought, like he too couldn’t deal with his mother. Chan wondered what his baby was saying to him right now.
He tried to imagine it.
‘Momma is soooo rude. The audacity.’
“Alright.” Chan hummed. “Thrift store. Library. We take the truck. Two groups?” He suggested.
“Two groups sounds good.” Jae murmured, nodding. “I am on… library duty!” He decided. “Because baby can’t go to the library, baby is too loud! Ha!”
And like that, everyone had divided themselves into two groups. Younghyun and Momo were going to accompany Chan to the thrift store for clothes and furniture for Jisung- and if they couldn’t find exactly what they were looking for, then they could find something close enough and fashion it into what they needed. Jae and Sana offered to go to the library and walk home to hit up the grocery store on the way back and pick up formula on the way.
So, the young adults headed out, Chan using a belt and his arm to keep Jisung securely on his hip, not wanting Jisung too high up for fear of the little boy trying to rip out his piercings (a rude, rude start to his morning).
The thrift store was crowded, The three (four, baby included), making their way through the people and then through the racks, browsing. “Do we need like a baby bag for baby stuff?” Younghyun asked. “You know how moms carry those around?”
“I can make one.” Chan said with a shrug. “Plus we have those clothes that Yona gave us left over from her garage sale, we can do something with that.”
“Hmm. Okay.”
“Will I be auntie or momma?” Momo questioned aloud. Her help in parenting Jisung was never a debate, it was just a question of what she was to the boy.
“That’s…” Chan thought for a moment. “Huh. Dunno. Up to him I guess.”
“Will Sana be- oh, look! This is cute!” She pulled up a small, simple gray long sleeved onesie, holding it up to Jisung. Jisung made a face, swatting at it. Baby had opinions.
“Oh ho ho, okay little man, let’s play.” Momo gave Jisung a little smile, putting the gray onesie back. She then pulled out a green one. Chan looked at his son with anticipation- Jisung gurgled disapprovingly. “Hmmm…” Momo looked through the racks, finding a blue sweater.
For a few seconds, Jisung stared at it apprehensively, as if he wasn’t sure- then he hesitantly reached out, feeling it. Then he rubbed his face against it.
“It’s been baby approved.” Chan commented, observing Jisung before feeling the sweater. “You like this fabric, baby?” He cooed. “It’s very soft. Yes it is…” He looked through the racks, feeling the other onesies Momo picked up, feeling them and cringing.
Okay, so Jisung is a little bit of a comfort-before-fashion kind of guy. Noted.
Chan started feeling the baby clothes in the section, Momo taking note of what he was doing and following suit, the two finding a few more items of which they played a game of ‘let-the-baby-judge’, the only item of clothing Jisung vetoing being a pair of pants that made him cry. Chan guessed it was because they felt too scratchy, but he wasn’t actually sure.
“Socks!” Momo sing-songed, pushing their cart forward, as they passed a bin Jisung had quickly reached out and snatched something- so quickly that Chan only just caught it because he had been readjusting his hold on Jisung. He needed to see if they had baby straps here.This belt, while effective, was not the best thing on earth.
“What is that, silly?” Chan raised an eyebrow, looking down to see a pink hat that the boy had grabbed onto with a harsh grip. He looked up at his father with big eyes, babbling something unintelligible.
‘I want this one.’ Chan imagined his son saying.
Ah, fuck.
It looked so cute too.
Chan inhaled as he inspected it, running his fingers along the fabric, before nodding, ruffling Jisung’s hair gently.
“Okay little guy.” He murmured gently. “It’s all yours.”
Jisung beamed.
After they finished shopping through the thrift store, Chan dropped Momo and Younghyun off at a frequently attended store the group liked to hangout at- one that sold the CDs and band merch of their favorite bands… well, the bands that were under labels. Also, they had cool platform boots. It wasn’t Chan’s thing, but that was one of the reasons why his friends frequented the place. He had a single pair of boots that had got him through a few years , and when they were down to soles and leather taped or stapled onto what was left of the shoe, maybe then he’d think about replacing them.
With Jisung’s brand new (used) car seat, the boy giggled over every slight bump the car went over, blinking owlishly as spit dribbled from his mouth. Chan couldn’t help but grimace as he looked in the rearview mirror. Hopefully that wouldn’t be much of an issue in the grocery store.
As he parked, he noticed Jisung had gotten oddly silent. Panicked, Chan looked in the backseat to see… Jisung staring out the window.
At a dog.
Ah, okay.
False alarm.
Jesus, being a father was work.
It had been less than 24 hours and Chan could already feel it starting to wear on him.
Chan moved through the grocery store at the pace of a snail, Jisung babbling happily from where he was strapped comfortably to his father’s chest (with their new chest strap, Chan now able to comfortably belt his pants once again), pointing at… really any packaging that had a specific bright pink color Jisung had recently taken a liking to.
Right now, it was popcorn, and he was trying valiantly to swing his father in the direction of the popcorn, instead, kicking his feet against Chan’s chest.
Jisung can’t actually have popcorn yet…
… but Chan can.
“Alright.” Chan sighs as he throws the popcorn into the cart, looking down at Jisung with a small, tired smile. “You win, little guy. How’d you know that’s what papa wanted, hmm?”
Is that what we’re calling ourselves now? Papa?
The word felt forgein on his tongue, but he felt that it was something he was just… going to have to get used to.
Jisung was his son.
Jisung only stares back, opening his mouth to… babble more. To be fair, Chan didn’t actually expect his son to respond , but he felt like now, Jisung was trying to respond, in some language Chan couldn’t understand.
And so, he reasonably did what any dad would do trying to communicate with their son. He babbled back. Quietly. Just enough to get Jisung to giggle, looking around before back up at his dad, hitting his chest softly.
“Alright little guy, keep packin’ punches like that you’re gonna defeat your old man before you’re even four.” Chan said, rubbing his thumb on Jisung’s hand, Jisung trying to hold his dad’s hand, not letting the man pull away. The hand is his now, and- Hey! When did he get close enough to the popcorn to push it off the shelf?
“Fuck-” Chan’s eyes widened as the box hit the floor, wincing as he looked around. A woman looked at him, slightly irritated. He mouthed a quick ‘sorry’, bending down and picking the popcorn up, his hand firmly on Jisung’s back despite the strap already keeping Jisung comfortably in Chan’s hold.
Before he’s four?
Fuck, Chan will be lucky to make it to tomorrow.
Chan gets the rest of his groceries quickly, exhausted as he comes through the door with bags of clothes, formula, diapers, the likes. He doesn’t even put it away immediately. He lays on the couch, hand on Jisung’s back, Jisung still strapped in- but also passed out. It was his nap time, much like his father’s.
And if Chan’s roommates took a few cute pictures to get printed later, they said absolutely nothing to him about it.
✧
Door slamming.
Alarm loud.
Alarm blaring.
“Appa!”
Fuck.
“Apppaaaaaa!!!”
“Your appa is sleeping right now Sungie-”
“But he can’t sleep! The alarm is so loud!”
“I know baby but-”
“He only sets the alarm when important things are happening!”
Curse his son for being so intuitive. He’s right. He does.
Chan groaned as he tried to beckon his body to life- to no avail, as it did not want to move. Eventually, though, he didn’t have to, as Jisung came barreling in, jumping on his back, making the man groan. He was only in his twenties, and yet he felt old , hearing his back pop in response to the four year old jump on him.
(He was starting school late because of documentation issues.)
“Appa!!!” Jisung shouted, apparently not very aware of how close he was to his father’s ear. “Your alarm is really loud!” He shouted again.
No, maybe he was trying to shout over the alarm to make sure the man could hear him.
That checks out.
“Yes! Yes it is.” Chan groaned as he felt for the digital clock on his desk, giving it a few tries before slamming his hand down on the device, hitting the button in the process. “Good morning to you too baby.” He grumbled, sniffing.
“Good morning appa! Can we have pancakes?” Jisung asked, looking around. “Wooooow appa, your room is so messy, it’s worse than Uncle Youngie’s.”
“It is not . And no, we can’t, someone has school today.”
“No he doesn’t!” Jisung said immediately. Oh, how Chan wished that worked.
“Yes he does buddy,” Chan responded sympathetically, sitting up, still not fully awake. “But how about after school, we get pancakes? Hmm? With everybody?”
That seemed to be enough bribing to get Jisung to crawl out of Chan’s bed and start attempting to pull the man himself out, Chan chuckling as he let his son drag him towards the exit of his room and towards the bathroom. “Hurry appa! Wash your face!! Wash it!! I want pancakes!”
“You guys don’t have time for pancakes before…?” Sana poked her head in, half awake, bleary eyed.
“After.” Chan corrects. “He gets pancakes after as a celebration.”
“Strawberry?” Jisung asks. “With strawberry milk!”
He was definitely going through a strawberry phase. The child was obsessed with it. And Chan was internally wishing that the sugar rush wouldn’t be too bad as he said sure and watched as Jisung hurried to brush his teeth and wash his face, Chan slowing the boy down.
“How many kids are in a classroom?” Jisung asked. Chan helped his son get dressed, double checking his backpack.
“I don’t know buddy.” He admitted. “Anywhere from twenty to… forty?”
“Anywhere from…” Jisung trailed off, looking confused.
“A little to a lot.”
“Oh.” Jisung nodded, “I see.”
Then he spoke again. “What if there are too many kids in a classroom?”
“Then… they make another classroom and separate the kids, so there’s less in each room.”
“Oooh.” Jisung said, nodding. “But what if I don’t want to go and I just want to hang out with the kids?”
Chan paused. “Well… you have to.”
“Why?”
“Cause I’ll be in trouble for not taking you.”
“But what if you took me and I just didn’t go?”
“Then you’ll be in trouble for not going.”
“Why?”
“Cause it’s mandatory?”
“What’s man-da-to-ry?”
“It’s when you have to do something, no matter what.”
“But what if I don’t wanna? I wanna listen to your music and color and play with my dolls appa.”
Chan chose to not see the blatant irony of his toddler actively protesting the system on his first day of school, and instead, gave Jisung a small hug.
“And we can do all that still, okay buddy? Now we just have to wait until after school. That’s all.”
“I guess…” Jisung said in a tone that suggested he was not at all happy about the development.
He had a mental checklist. Backpack? Check. (Obviously). Extra pocket money for Jisung stored in the front pocket? Check. The workbooks the school asked for? Check. Coloring pencils? Ch-
“Appaaaaaaaa.” Jisung said loudly, blinking.
“What?”
“What if I encounter mud?”
“Uhm… wear your black shoes?”
“But it’s Monday! I can’t wear my black shoes on Monday!”
Right, his son had a system that needed to be upheld.
“Okay, bud, then wear your white ones and if there’s mud, I’ll wash them when you get home, okay?”
Jisung seemed satisfied with that answer, and finally let his father walk him out the door. Chan didn’t really feel comfortable sending his son on the trains alone, so he managed to move around literally everything so that he could walk Jisung to school in the morning. The old lady across the street made a comment about how he’s coddling Jisung. He’s not , the population of this country is too comfortable letting their kids go off on their own.
Maybe part of it was not really growing up here, and having roommates who didn’t grow up here and didn’t know what to expect. He was having trouble finding a good middle ground for raising his kid to Korean standards and to his own.
Jisung is insistent on holding his dad’s hand because… well he’s a four year old that’s taught to always hold a hand when you walk. Chan obliges because he really wants to pick his kid up, but then the old woman across the street would be right and he would be coddling Jisung… so hesitantly, he doesn't.
They walk to the station mostly in silence, until Chan watches Jisung proudly produce his pass, nodding. Good. It’s attached to a lanyard to his school ID. He’d drive him, but the others need the car for work.
“Do you remember which line we’re taking?”
“Orange!” Jisung says very happily. He loves fruit-associated things.
“Yep, orange. One stop.” Chan says with a nod. “Good.”
“Orange, one stop.” After swiping his card, and Chan swiping his, he walks with his kid to the station, humming.
“What do I learn in school?”
Hard question.
“Uh, a lot?” Chan tried.
“More than the doctor can teach me?”
The Doctor??
Right. The random British TV show which an old friend (ex-boyfriend but they were good friends now), Jackson had dropped off the dvd set of, saying Chan and Younghyun would enjoy it, and because they had it going in the background, of course , Jisung had watched it too. It wasn’t quite something he should’ve been watching at his age but Jisung wasn’t entertained by normal four year old programs. Chan only got him to sit down for nature or space documentaries. And Chan had a little TARDIS pin on his jacket, which his son adored, because blue was one of his favorite colors of course.
“Well, I don’t think anybody on earth can teach you more than the doctor can bub.” Chan searched his brain for an answer that would make Jisung excited for school, “But, it’s like a real life documentary. I’m sure you’ll learn about all different kinds of animals.”
“Ooh, really?” Jisung brightened up at that, and Chan internally did a little dance. Victory- ohhh those pancakes after school are really going to make him feel like he’s the world’s best dad.
The train ride was fast, in which Jisung told Chan that Cheetahs are also fast- faster than cars. Chan called him his little cheetah. Jisung giggled. He asked if any of his classmates would also like cheetahs. Chan honestly had no idea, but answered his teacher might, in hopes to uplift Jisung’s spirit.
The school was moderate for the area- it made sense. There weren’t a whole lot of kids around, and it was in the middle of a place known for not having a lot of families in the first place. It was mostly older people and working people in their 20s. Jisung still seemed intimidated by the building, hiding behind his dad’s leg.
Which was incredibly ironic all things considered, because as Chan crouched down to try and talk his son out from behind him, he quickly noticed people becoming intimidated by him .
It wasn’t incredibly rare- it happened all the time, the stares Chan got. He had a bit of a small mohawk with dyed blue hair (although the sides were growing out, and he never had the energy to shave them)- and that by itself was probably enough to make the average young mother want to stay away and shield their children’s eyes from the horrors that was Chan’s closet. Mix in his piercings and nail polish on the hands? Yeah, he wasn’t exactly the most traditional father.
“Hey buddy, what’s up?” He asked, trying to ignore the holes he could feel being bore into his skull.
“That’s a big place, how big is the class…?” Jisung spoke softly, eyes wide. “Why are people staring? I wanna go home appa.”
“People are staring because they’re just amazed that the coolest little kid came to school ever.” he dismissed it with a wave of his hand. He learned pretty quickly that Jisung was a smart kid, and unfortunately, also, an incredibly anxious kid. He could only really calm down his son with logic. Logic that was sound enough at least.
“It’s big because… remember what we said before? About how there are multiple classrooms? Because school is mandatory? So they have to make a big place to make sure all the kids are taken care of during the day, and so that you have all that space to play and learn.” He explained gently. “You wouldn’t wanna learn if you only had the space of a small, tiny square, would you?”
Jisung seemed to calm down a little at that- but it did take a moment. He still held his father’s hand tightly, frowning. “No, I guess not. It’d be boring.”
“Right bubs. Reaaaaalllly boring.” Chan tickled Jisung’s side gently, getting the small boy to break out into a small giggle, Jisung squealing.
“I’ll pick you up soon enough, yeah?” Chan said, grinning. ‘Say goodbyes to your children with smiles, they’ll feel better about unknown territory they have to navigate alone.’ He read that in a parenting book.
“Okay.” Jisung was hesitant to let his dad’s hand go, but knew he eventually had to, especially as he heard the bell ring, and so walked towards the school, glancing back at his father unsurely quite a few times. Chan stayed, smiling and giving small, encouraging waves at his son until he saw that Jisung was picked up by his teacher- a slightly taller than average woman by the name of Woo Hyelim.
His teacher wore a long crochet cardigan that started off bright blue with a simple cloud pattern, the ends of the cardigan and its sleeves being multicolored stripes. Red, orange, yellow, green and black in that order. She had a lot of charm and beaded bracelets that made a noise whenever she moved her hand and a bandana with a bright pattern kept her hair in place. Jisung seemed to take to his new teacher kindly, and Chan could see why. She seemed entirely comfortable despite the weird stares she also seemed to be getting from some moms.
“I like your bracelets!” Jisung had blurted out. Ms. Woo had been standing at the entrance of the school, watching the students come in, making sure they didn’t wander off. She laughed at the boy’s unexpected compliment, saying something back to him, putting her hands on her hips exaggeratedly.
Chan felt a wave of relief wash over him. He didn’t really like the idea of his son being put into the care of strangers , but watching Ms. Woo interact with his son… he already felt better about Jisung’s school.
And the moms who stares didn’t seem to waver…?
Maybe on Friday he could make cookies or something…?
✧
“-Oh! And then when it was before snack time, we had a song to sing, but Ms. Woo had a guitar! Like a whole guitar! Can you believe that? And she said she had a cooler one at home, but this one was for class time, and later, at the end of the year, we can come up with ideas and she might paint something on it- oh, but appa, she played like the song! But like. You know how you make music on your computer? But like she did it like Uncle Younghyun does with his guitar-”
“Don’t let uncle hear you call his bass a guitar. C’mon baby, eat your pancakes.”
“Okay, she played her guitar like Uncle Youngie plays his bass.” Jisung dramatically sighed, taking a forkful of his strawberry pancakes (that his father had so sweetly cut up into small pieces for him), stuffing his face with way too much at once. Like any four year old would, he continued to talk while his mouth was stuffed, much to Chan’s distress.
“So then-” chomp chomp “-we had snack time-” chomp chomp “-but I guess this one girl-” chomp chomp “-Ryujin, has a peanut allergy-” chomp chomp “-also appa, I learned what allergy means today!”
Chan inhaled.
Okay.
“Hey, baby, what did we say about chewing with our mouth closed?” Momo steps in for him, mimicking making a bubble with her mouth. Jisung got the message and continued chewing his pancakes, not making a sound. Momo nodded, “That’s right kid, nothing, cause our mouths are closed. Good job.”
“Someone is going to think you’re abusing him with how mean all your lessons sound.” Chan murmured, rolling his eyes. Momo gestured to Jisung, as if to say, ‘but Chan, look at the effectiveness of them! And look at how sweet he is, still!’ but Chan would ignore his closest friend yet.
“Mom!” Momo looked up at Jisung’s shout of excitement, tilting her head. Communicating to the little boy she was listening. “You’d like Ryujin a lot. She’s super into art and she only wanted to hang out during art time. And, And-” Jisung fumbled over his words- something that sometimes happened when he got really excited. His brain was going too fast for the boy to actually talk about what he wanted to.
“And..?”
“Oh, and Ms. Woo said we get to try finger painting tomorrow and Ryujin kept asking questions about it and didn’t want to talk about anything else. And She’s friends with me now, cause I told her about our bathroom art room and she said she didn’t have a bathroom art room, and I told her I got the tub to myself and she was jealous, and also I have another friend. Who Ryujin was moving around the classroom all day and wouldn’t let go of her hand and her name is uh, Yeji, and she said that she really badly wants to become a doctor. But a doctor that spesisisfally-”
“Specifically.”
“-specifically only breaks peoples bones.” Jisung said with a grin. Then frowned. “No wait. Only heals broken bones.”
That makes a lot more sense. Even for a four year old’s logic.
Ryujin and Yeji. Chan cataloged the names and stored them in the back of his brain for safekeeping. It’s not like he was planning on moving any time soon. Maybe if they continued being friends, a play date or something along the lines would be fun to set up?
But Chan’s gotta get the moms to like him before he sets up anything for his son.
Those cookies…
Hm…
They settle into routine quickly. Chan drops Jisung off at school, and depending on the day, either goes to work (a CD and records shop that was right in between both his house and Jisung’s school), or finds a cafe to spend some pocket money on a shitty coffee and some time on his equally shitty (and dying) laptop, where he’d spend the next few hours with his headphones on and create some music demos. Until Thursdays. Thursdays were when he got things done.
It was just easier for him to do it all in one day, and spend the subsequent day recovering. So Thursday he bought groceries and some baking sheets (they used to have some, but after not being used for many years, they were then used… in a ‘make-your-own-instrument’ project Younghyun started. They could not be used again.). Then, he picked up Jisung from school in the truck, blasting Shorty Cat. From there he could squint from the safety of tinted windows and make out who Ryujin and Yeji were (he assumed the girls that Jisung was trading charm bracelets with), and who their parents were. Alright. A plan was forming in his head.
“Hey buddy!” Chan already had the passenger door open for Jisung, helping the little boy into his car. “How was school?”
“Ryujin’s aunt gave her a bracelet making kit that was apparently for big girls cause she’s turning five and its for six year olds it says so on the box, and there were three, so we all made bracelets and we got to trade charms, and I might wanna make more to trade more ‘cause don’t tell Ryujin I said this but these charms are kinda dooky !”
Chan gasped dramatically as he pulled away from the curb, carefully navigating away from the school. “Oh my gosh! Okay, I won’t buddy. How do you feel about making cookies for class tomorrow? Do you remember any other allergies that classmates had?”
Jisung lightened up at that, and then blinked. “Oh uh.. Peanuts… soy…”
Jisung was an incredibly quiet kid. Even before he could talk. Even before he could talk, he only ever cried when he touched something that felt weird, like pants with an off texture. So sometimes, parenting him is tricky, even when most of his parents are in the room. If he gets tired he won’t say anything.
“Hey baby, whatcha watching?” Momo asks.
The first sign should’ve been a lack of response. He was focused on what seemed to be a documentary- but he didn’t even seem to be that into it. Just… lazily focused. Like he didn’t really want to be doing anything else. Or maybe couldn’t. But his attention wasn’t drawn away from the screen.
And Chan was, of course, in the kitchen, so he didn’t notice at first.
But it was dismissed because Momo wasn’t fully paying attention either. So she flopped on the couch, yawning as she closed her eyes, groaning softly. Sometimes the entire house was just in a mood .
Then, Sana was the second to try and talk to him. She walked in with paint covered hands, crossing to the kitchen and opening her mouth while looking at the cookies on the counter, Chan instead, feeding her a grape and shaking his head.
“These are for Sung’s class. Nice try though.”
“Mmm.” Sana washes her hands, glancing at the documentary. “Hey, squirrel, have you had a snack yet? I bet you’re hungry.”
No response.
“Is he asleep?” She whispered to Chan, who frowned, before walking over to the couch. Jisung wasn’t asleep. He was wide awake.
“Hey buddy?”
“Hmm?”
“Want a snack?”
“...yeah.”
“How come you didn’t answer when mommy Sana asked?” Chan asked softly, crouching down to Jisung’s level. He still wasn’t taking his eyes off of the TV screen.
“I’m really tired.” Jisung admitted, “I don’t wanna move.”
“Okay.” Chan thought for a moment. “How about a nap? I’ll carry you to the bed?”
“Okay.”
“Okay buddy.” Chan groans a little as he picks Jisung up, patting his back as he switches the TV off, mouthing ‘nap time’ to an understanding sana, before carrying Jisung to his bed, where he’s tucked in quickly. “You want music playing?”
“No thank you.”
“Okay buddy. Sleep well. See ya on the flip side.”
Jisung doesn’t respond, eyes already closed as he buries himself far into his covers. At the sight of him, Chan yawns a little himself. He’s been working on these cookies for a long time, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little tired.
“Maybe you should take a nap.” Sana teased.
“Nice try.” Chan said, shaking his head. “I’m not done yet.”
“You look like you’re competing for something?” Sana said, tilting her head as she carefully observed Chan packing away the cookies and labeling the containers hazardously in sharpie.
“I absolutely am.”
“Is there a bake sale?”
“ God no, I’d make something better for a bake sale. Brownies maybe?”
Sana lifted one of the containers and read it out loud. “Oatmeal raisin - No Nuts, No Soy.”’
She then lifted another container. “Chocolate Chip. No Nuts. What are these for?”
“Jisung’s class.” Chan explained. “Tomorrow I’m gonna drop them off early to Ms. Woo so the kids can have sweet snacks. He’s been complaining to me all week about how one of his friends has a peanut allergy and so she can’t have a lot of sweet things.”
“Ryujin right?”
“Yep.” Chan pops the P. “And Ms. Woo doesn’t want her to feel alienated from the rest of the class so, their snacks consist of pretzels, crackers and cheese, and fruits until she can find some packaged goodies to buy for the class.”
“So you’re making them cookies.”
“Sure, why not? If I have enough time in the future, I might make it a Friday thing. You know. Friday Fun Snacks.” He paused. “Working on the name.”
“...Jesus.” Sana laughed, patting Chan on the back. “Next thing you know, you’ll be coming to concerts with homemade baked goods. And bandaids for the mosh pit.”
Chan froze, frowning. Then he looked up to Sana. “You don’t think I’ve changed that much, do you?”
Sana laughs, shaking her head. “I think you became a dad, man. I’m sure everybody in this house changed a bit.”
I think you became a dad.
Chan’s not sure why, but even now, well into his twenties, it didn’t feel real .
“Mr. Bang?” Hyelim seemed surprised that Chan and Jisung had shown up to school early. To be fair, he had shown up about thirty minutes earlier than anyone else.
“Hello Ms. Woo!” Chan greeted nervously. Jisung had no problem running over to his teacher to give her a warm hug.
“What’s this?” Ms. Woo asked, looking at the containers in Chan’s hands.
“Oh, uh, well Jisung was telling me a lot of his friends wanted something sweet for snack time, but one of the kids in class had a peanut allergy. And there was a soy allergy too…?” Chan cleared his throat nervously. C’mon Chan. Sell the product. “So I made cookies for them, I figured it would be okay since it’s Friday and all- I made a list of the ingredients too…? I hope I’m not overstepping any boundaries-”
“You baked all of these for the class?” Ms. Woo seemed floored at the idea of Chan taking hours of his time to do something like this, smiling widely. “That’s… incredibly sweet. Wow.” She looked over the ingredients list, smiling again. “And the kids- all of the kids can have them. They’ll be very happy. Thank you so much. I’m sure this took time out of your day-”
“Oh no, not at all, I had some free time, so I figured it might be a nice surprise for the kids, besides, Jisung said that his friends like chocolate but can never have it cause of allergies so, I figured it might be a nice surprise for them too.”
“It will be.” Ms. Woo takes the containers from Chan. He took this moment to look around the classroom. Finger paintings the kids made were hung up on one wall, the Korean alphabet hung up above the paintings. There was a board at the front of the classroom, behind a desk that seemed colorfully stuffed with colored paper and other art supplies. He could spot a few workbooks, and what looked like a funky little reading corner. He wished he had access to a reading corner like that. It looked like a good place to take a nap in.
“Appa!” Jisung takes his dad’s hand and drags him to a table near what looks like the playground and the reading corner. Jisung must be a little hard to deal with in this spot, Chan thinks. He knows his kid too well, he’d be positively begging to be outside or to get his hands on anything that would give him conversation fuel for the next few days. “This is where I sit.” His name is on a little cardboard nameplate, surrounded by cute stickers. He takes his pencil out of the desk and sets it on top, before taking his dad’s hand.
“So I don’t have to do it at the beginning of class.” He explains.
“Smart.” Chan says.
“This is Ryujin’s desk. She’s my best friend. That’s why she’s right next to me.”
“Is Yeji your best friend too?”
“Well duh , but she sits two seats in front of me, so I can’t talk to her until art time or recess.”
“Oh, duh , silly appa. Of course.” Chan fondly rolls his eyes as the other explains his school time to him. Chan glances at the time, humming. “Speaking of appa being silly, I gotta go so I’m not late for work, hmm?”
“Okay, appa! Bye!”
At that, Chan laughs. He knows Jisung didn’t mean to sound like he was in a hurry for his father to be gone, but it did come off that way.
“Have a good day Mr. Bang!” Hyelim says as Chan walks out, “And thanks again for the cookies!”
“No problem!” Chan walks out, passing by a mother and what looks to be Ryujin in the hall. He doesn’t say anything. Just a polite bow and smile, before moving on.
When he picks Jisung up after school, he’s nervous.
What if he missed an allergy?
What if his baking is actually shit? And they had to throw the cookies away?
He’s so anxious about it in fact, that he spends an extra five minutes in his car just calming his nerves.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool-
He could already see parents start to leave with their kids. He should go in and get Jisung.
Right, okay.
He took his keys, getting out of his car quickly, before heading straight to Ms. Woo’s classroom.
“-yes! Actually the cookies were made by one of the parents, you might want to talk to him about recipes, I’m not a baker myself-”
“Appaaaa!”
Jisung’s voice is unavoidable, and Chan has gotten down bracing himself while opening his arms before Jisung gets the chance to jump on him.
“Mr. Bang!” Ms. Woo’s smile is wide as she holds up what he can only assume to be the leftovers of the cookies. “The kids, and parents loved them. You baked enough for extras! Seriously, how long did it take to make all of these?” She asked, amazed. Chan chuckled.
Five hours at least . Six including the extra time he spent making the ingredients list look nice.
“Oh, it was really no trouble at all.”
Liar.
“You must bake a lot.” One of the moms commented. Was that a compliment? Chan’s going to take that as a compliment. Jisung started wriggling around in his hold, so Chan let him down, the boy running to his friends.
“Oh…” He cleared his throat, watching his son trade charms with Ryujin, smiling a bit fondly. “You know, just for friends… dinners, stuff like that. Not as often as I’d like to.” He said with a chuckle. He looked at Ryujin’s mother. Mrs. Shin looked… a lot like her daughter actually. Or, Ryujin looked a lot like her. They had similar eyebrows, and mouths. And stares. She was staring at Chan.
“So, you’re Jisung’s father?”
“Oh, yep, that’s me.”
“Where’s his mom?”
“Oh…” He trails off, thinking of an answer for that. “He has two. One of them is chillin’ at home in her art studio right now, and the other is probably…” What would Momo be doing at 5pm on a Friday? Working, maybe? “...working I want to say? Maybe not for another thirty minutes.”
“Two moms?” She seemed caught off guard by that, but then thought about it. “Adopted?”
“No… he’s my kid. They just uh, happened to be there when I needed help, and now he has two moms.”
Never give them straight answers. Just have them keep guessing.
“Hmm.” Mrs. Shin looks Chan up and down, like she’s making an evaluation of him. Chan subconsciously stands up a bit straighter.
“You listed all the ingredients.” She says.
Did Chan miss an ingredient? Did he forget something? Oh, god-
“No one ever does that for Ryujin. Usually they find it’s too much hassle to include one little girl, and she gets excluded.” She says, pausing before continuing, “Not only did you include her, you made her favorites.” She held up the container that still held a couple of oatmeal raisin cookies.
“Uh, Yeah, Sung said his friends like oatmeal raisin cookies…?”
“No one has ever done that for Ryujin.” She said seriously.
“Oh.” Chan said. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He felt a little bit like a four year old himself as he dumbly responded, “Well, that’s sad.”
“And they’re really good too. I tried one.” She said, dismissing his awkward response. “You're a good baker. And you care about your kid and his friends…” She looked around, like she was trying to find her words. “So, would you like to set up a playdate for Ryujin and Jisung? Usually Hwang…” She glanced at Chan, clearing her throat, “ Mrs. Hwang and I set up playdates for Ryujin and Yeji, and share tea.”
Oh.
Oh.
OH!
He’s been accepted. By the parents. He’s been parent verified!
Tea isn’t really… his cup of tea. But he will gladly sit around and gossip with women around ten years older than him if it means he can set up playdates for his son.
“Sure! Yeah!” Chan said, a little too enthusiastically. A bit awkwardly. Okay, maybe he’s excited at the prospect of the cookies working because he did spend five hours on them and-
“Do you have a landline?”
“A…?” He blinked. “Oh, oh sh- yeah, here- uh…” He patted down his pockets, producing a notepad and a pen. Vital if you were a man who sometimes came up with lyrics while doing completely unrelated tasks to songwriting. Or, you know, a dad who sometimes couldn’t remember every bit of information his son dropped.
He also scribbled down his email before tearing the page out of his notebook, folding it and handing it over to the woman. She took it, her lips pressed into a thin line as she tucked it into her bag.
“I’ll email you then and set something up.”
“Alright.”
That night, Chan felt so relieved he cried.
To be fair, it didn’t take Chan a lot to cry. He cried when Jisung was a baby and he touched his cheek really softly once, and it reminded Chan of a kitten.
But this was a different kind of cry. It was silent, and rewarding. Like he had earned this cry. Honestly?
He feels so alone.
Yes, his friends gladly help him with parenting. So much so they’re practically Jisung’s parents too. And he will forever be appreciative of that. But he can’t help but wish that he had some sort of guidance when Jisung first came into his life. Or at least, some sort of circle of people who already had families forming willing to be a community.
And four years into Jisung’s life, he finally gets that.
It’s late, but it’s something.
Chan can’t help but feel hopeful for the rest of Jisung’s grade school life, with his community a little more expanded. For the rest of the year, at least. Ms. Woo seems like a great teacher, and Jisung seems to really enjoy his class.
Chan wonders what Jisung’s school life will be when he’s a little older-
✧
“Well, There’s no better way to phrase this Mr. Bang, so I’ll get straight to the point of Jisung’s… distractibility so we can wrap up this conference.”
Ms. Lee.
Chan was not a fan of Ms. Lee.
“I know you are very… heavily into your political movements and music in your household, but…” The woman sighed, tilting her head. “I need you to stop having such unfiltered conversations around your son. It’s… He’s…” She leaned forward, clearing her throat as she spoke lowly. “I’m sure you’re aware your son is a very smart boy, Mr. Bang. He’s started teaching the other students his mindset on current politics I really don’t think they’re old enough to even know about. Parents call me very upset that their children don’t…” She sighed, glancing around her desk as she looked for the right words. “...reflect their household values.”
Bullshit.
That was bullshit.
Be a nice dad, Bang Chan.
“Of course.” Chan chuckled softly, “I didn’t realize it would be such an issue.” He clears his throat. “Is that all?”
“Well, I mean, the main issue we’re having is that your son just won’t apply himself. He’s smart- just like I said before. But he’s so distractible. Have you thought about taking him to a doctor?”
Chan couldn’t take Jisung to any specialists without his mother. That meant insurance, and paperwork. He didn’t have insurance, or the proper credentials in this country for paperwork.
And anyways, Chan knew the “problem”, and it was not, in fact, Jisung not being able to apply himself.
Chan needed to leave. His leg kept bouncing and this meeting was just honestly putting him in a bad mood.
“Yeah.” He said, “We’ve been discussing it, we’re not sure yet, we don’t think it’s that serious.”
What do people buy nowadays?
“We’ve been recommended… vitamins…?” He says, as if he’s trying to remember a conversation he’s had previously. A conversation that doesn’t exist. “So, we want to try all our options before a doctor, I hope you understand.” He lied, the woman nodding.
“Of course, of course- Well, I’m sure you’re a busy man, I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting.”
“No, you haven’t at all. Thank you. Goodbye.”
Jisung is sitting outside of the classroom, Chan’s old leather jacket draped over his shoulders, a bit oversized on him. Jisung had a weird growth spurt, awkwardly taller than most of his class. Chan figured it was the last time he’d grow, so he should soak up being tall while he could.
“Hey kid.” He greets.
“Hey.”
“Ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
Jisung clicks pause on his iPod classic- a present Chan had gotten him for his 11th birthday. Kids were getting phones nowadays. Chan Did Not Approve.
“You’re not mad at me?”
“What would I be mad at you for, bud?” Chan asked.
“I dunno. Ms. Lee always seems mad at me.”
“Yeah, I just lied to Ms. Lee’s face for you. Let’s get outta here. How does pizza sound?”
They’re both… tired.
Jisung looks out the window with his headphones in, before closing his eyes.
And then, Chan asks the dreaded question.
“How was school, buddy?”
Jisung doesn’t respond at first. Then he slowly sits up. “It was okay, I guess. No fights or anything.”
“Did Yeji show up this time?”
“Yeah.”
Yeji had gotten into a habit of claiming awful headaches and then sneaking out through the field according to Jisung. Chan had also had his rebellious days, so he couldn’t judge the girl too much. It was just weird that she waited until she was on school grounds to try and skip school.
“That’s good.” Chan hummed as he tapped on the wheel, turning into the pizza shop. “Is Ryujin coming over?”
“Yeah. She said her mom is gonna call first though to see if we need dinner.”
“Oh, that’s very sweet. But I think this pizza has us for the next few days, what do you think?”
“You’re right probably,” Jisung says with a shrug. “You have work?”
“Yeah, but I get off early, so I’ll be able to drive you and the girls to the uh… comic shop?” He tried to remember what Jisung’s plans for the weekend were. Jisung nodded in confirmation. “New issue day.”
“Right. Planning on getting breakfast?”
“Maybe?”
“I’ll give you some extra cash just in case.”
“Thanks.”
Pizza is a quick trip, and Jisung is so impatient (and hungry, probably), that he stuffs his mouth with a slice of cheese pizza, when a thought pops into Chan’s mind. Something he forgot about he was briefed on at the beginning of the school year.
“Oh, that’s right, do you have plans for your school dance? It’s this week- or next week or something, isn’t it?” He asks, smiling a bit.
“Oh god.” Jisung groaned. “Dad. I’m not going. It’s gonna be like the lamest dance ever. Besides, you have to go with someone.”
“Well, that’s not too bad. Why don’t you go with your friends?” Chan asks, and that makes Jisung visibly cringe, like that was the worst idea Chan could’ve offered.
“Well, Ryujin and Yeji were going to go together I think. I don’t wanna intrude.” Jisung slumped in his seat a little. “I’m cool with not going though. I think I’ll just. Ya know. Watch doctor who. Blog about it. Move on.”
“Are Ryujin and Yeji…?” Chan asked carefully. Jisung squinted at his dad, like he was trying to determine something before speaking.
“They would date, I think, if Yeji wasn’t moving away.” Jisung shrugged.
“Huh. What about you? Anybody in your class you like?”
“Daaaaad.” Jisung groaned, slumping further into his seat. “I’m not gonna talk with you about my crush! ”
“Oh, so there is a crush?” Chan grinned, thoroughly enjoying teasing his kid, “Who is it?”
“Oh my god.” Jisung rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “It’s not important cause I’m not going to the stupid school dance.”
“You could ask her out! Or him?” Chan paused, keeping his eyes on the road. “You know I won’t judge, bud.”
Jisung went oddly quiet, and Chan glanced over at him.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Chan asked.
“I don’t think it matters if I like him.” Jisung said quietly. “He’s never talked to me before. And anyways. Parents aren’t usually as… chill? I think they’d freak out if we did start talking and we ended up going to the dance, just the two of us. That’s the kind of thing that becomes school gossip. It’s not worth it.”
Wow.
That’s… a lot.
His son’s ability to overthink leaves Chan stunned once more, the man not sure how to respond to Jisung’s words. He really thought about it.
Of course he did.
“Well. You know…” Chan sighed as he thought of what to say, “As you grow up, you’re gonna… perceive yourself differently. And question stuff.” Awkward, fix it. “...and sometimes the conclusions you come to aren’t going to please other people.”
Slightly better.
Jisung seemed to be paying attention, but not wanting to say anything yet.
“Right now’s tough, ‘cause it’s a struggle to talk to people as it is…” Chan says, “and you’re young, I don’t expect you to start knowing what you want right away, bud. But, I guess what I’m saying is, if you figure out down the line you… aren’t, you know entirely straight, then that’s okay. And you shouldn’t worry about other people’s responses to what makes you happy.”
Nailed it.
Jisung did visibly cringe at the awkward tone in Chan’s voice, but he seemed to listen to what Chan was actually saying .
“Thanks.” Jisung said.
He didn’t say anything else.
Chan was okay with that.
The phone rings almost as soon as they enter their house from the car- and Jisung picks up, discarding his bookbag on the floor. “Yo?”
“Bang Jisung under no circumstance is that how you answer the phone!”
Ah, Ryujin’s mom.
Jisung winced.
“Sorry auntie.”
“Mhm. Do you want me to send Ryujin over with food?”
“No auntie, it’s okay, we have pizza-”
“What about for the rest of the week?”
“... We have pizza-”
“I’m sending Ryujin over with food.”
“Mmm… thank you auntie.”
“It’s no problem Jisung, make sure your dad eats well, okay? He never finishes the soup.”
“I can hear you!” Chan says, exasperated, with a mouthful of pizza.
“Finish the soup, then!”
“Yes auntie.” Chan answers, similarly as unenthusiastic as his son.
“Hmm.” The landline hangs up, and Jisung looks to Chan, his father making a face and shaking his head.
“Hey you two.” Momo says, yawning as she walks in. “Mmm. Is that pizza I smell?”
“Pink streaks in the hair.” Jisung commented, looking at his Momo’s pigtails. “Cool.”
“You want ‘em?”
“Oh no, I had a parent teacher conference today, they already think our household politics shouldn’t be discussed around him, if he goes to school with pink hair, they might call CPS.”
“He’d look so pretty with ‘em.” Momo says, ruffling Jisung’s hair. Jisung nods enthusiastically, “I’m sure eomma would agree.”
“Yeah, with me ! Sana wouldn’t let her near your hair either! Nice try kid.” Chan said with a snort.
A knock on the door alerts Chan to someone outside.
It’s Ryujin.
“Hey kid.” Momo greets.
“I don’t think I’ve seen you do pink before.” Ryujin comments. “It’s cute.”
She silently holds up the grocery bag of food, setting it on the table behind the pizza, before grabbing herself a slice.
“Think you could do pink on me?” She said, muffled.
“No way, not after your mom lost it when I bleached your hair.”
“It looked cute.” Jisung said with a shrug.
“You could do it as a parting gift!” Ryujin bargained.
“Parting gift?” Chan was suddenly paying attention to that. Jisung was too. He looked up, frowning.
“Yeah. Didn’t my mom tell you? She’s pulling me out and putting me in that catholic school down the road or whatever.” She said with a sigh. “I’ve been too much of a troublemaker.” She says somberly, and like someone who has not, in fact, been a troublemaker.
Ryujin’s mother was notoriously… uptight. It was weird that her closest friends in the community seemed to be Chan and his son of all people, as they were polar opposites.
“She’s pulling you out?”
Chan could hear the disheartened tone in Jisung’s voice. School had already been a bit rough for him recently. Now he was losing one of his two friends.
“...and Yeji is moving away soon too.” Jisung said, piecing together outloud what Chan couldn’t.
Shit, that’s right.
He’s losing both his friends.
“Well, you can still see each other after school.” Momo tried to lighten the mood. “And on weekends!”
The silence in the room was drowning.
“C’mon baby, it won’t be that bad.” Momo tried again, unsure this time, Jisung frowning.
“Sure.”
Chan could tell that Jisung didn’t buy it at all.
He guessed Ryujin and Yeji might not be going to their school dance after all.
✧
The rest of the school year felt… abysmal. And the school year after that.
…and that.
That was really the only way Chan could frame the last three years in comparison to the rest of Jisung’s life.
Jaehyung and Younghyun moved out, and Momo and Sana were looking at places. Somewhere nearby, but. Not living with them anymore.
Chan understands that. People grow out of the punk house eventually. Probably.
Chan worked nights now, at a bar, so his schedule was so off from his own son’s that it was hard for him to catch up on the piles of missing schoolwork Jisung ended up accumulating. Jisung didn’t talk to his classmates anymore, he didn’t really have any common interests with any of them- and he had a tendency to get really anxious. Ryujin and Yeji had provided a bridge when they were there- but that was years ago now. Jisung’s fourteen, and on his own. Which is the worst position to be in for a fourteen year old. Chan didn’t know what to do.
He did try .
He did.
He was just so tired.
And he knew that wasn’t an excuse, and that Jisung was too, but there was honestly no way he could catch up on his son’s school work or help him find some friends until he changed back to a day job. And it was hard to find any place that would put up with his weird resume.
He was trying.
Jisung looked so alone when he came home from school, Chan sometimes just waking up and clearly not oriented with the world, asking about his day only to be met with awkward silence.
He felt kinda like a bad dad.
At least Jisung had his guitar and notebook to make music to pass the time, a hobby he loved- but even that Chan didn’t provide. It came from Chan’s ex- not Jisung’s mother, but rather, one of his uncles. Jackson.
Chan and Jackson had parted on good terms too. It was just sometimes a little stressful to be one upped by a man who dropped in only on the holidays.
(Chan wonders briefly, if he had stayed with Jackson, how much different would Jisung’s life be? They wouldn’t have as much of these issues, would they? Hell, would they still even live in Korea? Would Jisung have more friends because Jackson would’ve taken him out a lot more than Chan could afford?)
“You’ve got a phone call.” Jisung says, holding the landline. “It’s from a- a uh, Park Jinyoung? ” He says, holding out the phone.
“Jinyoung? We don’t know Jinyoung.”
Jisung nods and then holds the phone up to his ear, “My dad says we don’t know any Park Jinyoung, sorry.”
He’s about to hang out when Chan’s eyes widen and he takes the phone from Jisung’s hand.
“Please ignore my son, he doesn’t know how numbers work. How did you get this one?”
Chan is silent as the other man speaks, then, he lets out a confused, “Y-Yes, I am Bang Chan, but there’s a mistake. I never sent anything to any companies-“
Silence again.
“…Yes. That’s my demo.”
Jisung stared at his dad, wide eyed.
“I’m sorry… Mr. Park? I’m very confused, I don’t understand how you got ahold of my demo and I’d really like it back-“
A pause.
“Well did you not call me to return it?”
Chan’s eyes went wide.
“You… what?”
Jisung tugged on his dad’s shirt curiously, wanting to know what had his father so shocked. Chan gripped Jisung’s hand so tightly his knuckles were white. He was anxious. Happy maybe? It was hard to tell.
“I- uh. Yeah. That would be great-“ Chan finally moves, hesitantly letting go of his son’s hand and hurriedly pulling open the junk drawer, producing a notepad and pens. Scribbling down what looked like a date and time. “Yeah- of course.” He adjusted the phone on his shoulder as he wrote it all down, swallowing down his disbelief. “Thank you so much. I’ll be there.”
Then, like that, the call was over.
The anticipation was killing Jisung- he was begging to know who it was on the other end of the phone!
“A job offer.” Was all Chan had said, “A really important job offer, bud.” He spent a moment just standing in the kitchen awkwardly, before he could feel the tears start to come- he can’t cry of both relief and anxiety in front of his son!
“I-I’m gonna… laundry!” He flimsily excused while walking away.
“Eomma did the laundry yesterday.”
Of course he knew Sana did the laundry yesterday.
“She didn’t finish!”
Liar.
Jisung comes home with a friend.
For the first time in years .
Honestly, Chan is so overjoyed he could cry- he had been so worried Jisung’s anxiety was getting in the way of friend making- but no!! Because Jisung had a friend- or a possible friend?
It seems the boy was new to their class, and not from Korea. He introduced himself poorly in Korean with his English name- which he then stumbled over and corrected himself with his Korean name. The boy was cute, he had freckles and wide eyes with messy hair. He also wore the school’s uniform skirt instead of the pants…
… suddenly, it makes all the sense in the world why Jisung dragged this boy home.
“Felix, right?” Chan asked, smiling briefly. “Or Yongbok? Which do you prefer?”
The boy seemed caught off guard by Chan’s question, taking a moment before shrugging. “I like Felix. My dad insists on Yongbok though. Says I’ll blend in more.”
“Ah,” Chan nodded thoughtfully. “Felix it is then. I’m… Bang Chan! But if that sounds too confusing, I’ve got an English name too!” He said, hoping the effort to be kind to his son’s new friend wasn’t lost with the slight language barrier.
“English?” The boy repeated, like it had been the only word he really picked up
“English.” Chan switched languages. “I said I’ve got an English name too, if Bang Chan is too hard to say. Jisung does too, but he doesn’t like his English name as much…”
“Oh!” The boy looked relieved, smiling instantly. “Wait, you’re Australian too!” He realized, gasping. He then paused. “Why does Ji-sung sound British then???”
Chan snorted at that, instinctively almost. He wasn’t wrong , Jisung really did sound British when he spoke English, and Chan didn’t have the faintest idea why. So he simply shrugged, looking at the student and laughing a bit. “I couldn’t tell you why at all, mate. My boy’s got a really good knack for developing odd habits, ‘s all.”
“He invited me over because of the pin… on a jacket.”
“Oh, like a show or something?” Chan asked, a bit confused. Instinctively, he had already started cutting up fruit for Jisung and his new friend. Did Jisung want to share capri suns with his friend? Or was that too embarrassing at this age? How does Chan ask if they might want capri suns without embarrassing Jisung? He could offhandedly mention his own friends like capri suns. Maybe…
“No, it’s a pin on his jacket. Or… your jacket I think?”
“Oh?” Chan tries to remember all the pins he has on his old jacket. Honestly, too many to remember- was it a band maybe? Or just a regular old ‘angsty-but-with-a-good-message’ type pin?
“A cat!” Felix supplied semi-helpfully, “a cat with a cute curl, and uh, it’s pink! I think it’s a band sign? Like Pierce the Veil but emo cat.”
Chan snorted fully, doubling over in silent laughter as it immediately clicked for him which pin Felix was talking about.
“That’s the shorty cat pin- they're a band… I don’t know if it’s quite pierce the veil level intense, but they've got a lot of good songs.” Chan said, humming as he arranged the fruit cutely on the plate. “So you like that kind of music?” Chan asked.
“Uh! Yeah, I guess.” Felix seemed to get suddenly embarrassed, looking away from the other. “I dunno, music helps me focus a lot.”
“Pierce the veil has a lot of good songs too, I don’t listen to them as much though- I think Jisung really likes them though.”
“ You like that kind of music?” Felix was very obviously surprised as he looked at Chan, eyes bulging out of their sockets. “But you’re like, old!”
Chan choked on air in reaction to the younger’s statement, gasping as he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or make his early mid-life crisis known to the boy. Old?! Ouch.
“I’m in my thirties. Barely.” Chan said, sniffing.
“Oh fuck- I mean, oh god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know-“
Watching the kid miserably try to censor himself was even funnier, and so Chan had been reduced to an awkward wheeze laugh, Felix staring wide eyed in horror, like this was going to cement his relationship with his new friend’s dad for life.
“It’s fine! You’re fine. I was just caught off guard.” He said, Jisung running back out from his room, smiling widely, then pausing.
“Appa, why are you wheezing? Do you have that thing Uncle Sungjin has?”
“No baby, that’s asthma. I just got told I was old, that’s all.”
Jisung looks to Felix, who panickedly shakes his head, before nodding, like he approved of whatever happened. He took Felix’s hand, stared in the boy’s eyes, before nodding again and turning to his dad.
“Someone was gonna tell ya eventually!” He doesn’t miss a beat before he’s dragging Felix to his room, Chan giving another choked reaction, dropping the plate of fruit back on the counter. Did he raise his son to be too ballsy? Is that what this is?
Oh god , is this the start of teenager rebellion? Should he start preparing for the worst?
(What is Jisung even going to do to rebel? Sneak out? He left to go to the gas station to get a snack once and freaked out because he forgot to text Chan.)
Chan composed himself enough to pick up the plate of fruit and carry it to Jisung’s room, knocking on the door gently. He could hear music playing already.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah!”
Chan opened the door to see the two boys sitting on the floor of Jisung’s bedroom, homework abandoned in favor of Jisung’s laptop. Chan’s going to pretend like he didn’t see this, and just let them have their fun.
“I have fruits. And Capri suns if you so chose..?”
“Ooh! Capri Suns?” Felix looked up, beaming. “I haven’t had those since I was little ! My dad said I was too big for them.”
“Nonsense, Capri Suns are perfectly adult drinks.” Chan said smugly, setting down the fruit plate between the boys. “I’ll get them in a second, hold on.”
“Thank you Mr. Bang!”
Oh dear god , Chan was not nearly old enough to be a mister anything just yet.
He turned around and offered a polite smile, chuckling softly. “Chan is fine Felix, I’m not big on formalities.”
He watched his son and Felix for a few seconds longer, mostly, with a strong sense of… fondness .
In all his years of parenting Jisung, he never expected small moments like these ones to be so rewarding. He’s sure Sana would’ve told him he’s gone soft, and that might’ve rung true to some extent.
Jisung had changed him. A lot.
But he had never been more proud of anything ever in his life.
Of anybody , really.
He had never been more proud to take such an important role in someone’s life.
He certainly hadn’t thought of himself as the fathering type, but… well…
…Jisung was proof that he was wrong.