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Fake vegans anonymous 11:51 05/05 (Thursday)
not vegan: the most beautiful man in the world is approaching me
not vegan: the most beautiful man in the world is walking past me
not vegan: the most beautiful man in the world is walking down the path away from me
not vegan: I am having a crisis wjhy are none o f u bitches responding
not vegan: do I follow him
not vegan: ??????
not vegan: too late idk where he’s gone
not vegan: why did none of u guys tell me a literal angel lives on jolys uni campus
not vegan: i have my sketchpad with me im gonna commit him to memory ASAP
a little vegan, as a treat: PLS GRANTAIRE I AM BEGGING YOU TO SHUT UP I AM TRYING TO DO A CANNULAR ON THIS FAKE ARM AND MY BUTT KEEPS VIBRATING
accidental vegan: LMAO JOLY
Liberte Egalite Fraternite 12:02
liberte: ferre I am lost on your campus again
beyonce: loooool enjolras aren’t u supposed to be the organised one
liberte: imagine saying that when ferre literally exists
beyonce: valid valid. but regardless very poor showing from u
liberte: v funny, courf
egalite: building r7 room 23:2, just finishing a cannular practical so might take a bit longer than usual to get out
liberte: np, I’ll wait outside
beyonce: ur making me jelly I cant be there : ‘(((((
liberte: I’m really sorry courf, but it was just a last minute plan because I was in the area!
beyonce: ik lol I was kidding!! A queen gotta dream I wouldn’t miss these auditions for anything, even lunch w u two dreamboats
liberte: exactly! plus we have feuilly’s party on Saturday!
beyonce: YEEE BOII
Grantaire to Eponine 12:05
R: howd the job interview go?
Ep: why do I know youre only texting me because you’re bored waiting to go get lunch with joly and the gang
R: because youd be right. I aint subtle
Ep: ugh I hate you
Ep: u probs don’t want my downer shit rn
Ep: actually nah I’m pissed im ranting anyway you brought this on urself
R: hit me
Ep: the fuckin cunt invites me into his office right, and he hears me speak like 5 words before clearly deciding im not posh enough to work there, and like im not being funny but it’s a fuckin coffee shop in fuckin Camden do they want me to be like?? one of the artcunts at ual hotboxing their grimy two-grand-a-month flats with daddys money?? But you could just TELL u know? That face doesn’t fit vibe? And ugh he was so smarmy
Ep: im so angry
R: u sound upset ep
Ep: I am fucking upset
R: u up to anything rn? If u can get to euston in the next half hour Ill happily buy u ur lunch, jbm would love a gatecrasher im sure
Ep: ur nearly as broke as I am, bitch
R: the operative word being nearly
R: im genuinely not so bad right now, furries pay well
Ep: asfbhivjfngkbldn I hate ur life
R: same but we move
R: come join us, ep
Ep: eh nah not today, id kill the mood
R: u rly rly wouldn’t, joly is the happiest person on earth At All Times
Ep: honestly R, its cool
Ep: I appreciate it tho
Ep: enjoy ur lunch
Ep: I think I just have to calm down, yknow? Ill be fine
R: okay well I haven’t seen u in like two weeks so u promise to be at bahorel’s party on saturday?
Ep: ughhh must i
R: for me bb
Ep: I hate u
R: hate u too xoxoxo
Ep: ill be there. Now go enjoy ur lunch
R: good timing chetta has just got here <3
Fake vegans anonymous 12:19
queen vegan: cmon bossuet surely it hurts to be beaten to a meeting spot by R of all people
queen vegan: I would like to alert everyone that grantaire is giving me the finger
queen vegan: it is very offensive
queen vegan: boys I think u should come to my aid
a little vegan, as a treat: just packing up, 1 min
a little vegan, as a treat: the scary guy in my class is on the phone with someone and he just mentioned a party on saturday?????? hosted by a “feuilly”???
not vegan: LOOOOOOOOOL NO WAY
queen vegan: idgi?
not vegan: chetta, u realise bahorel’s housemate is called feuilly
a little vegan, as a treat: which is not a common name lol
not vegan: which means
not vegan: unless this is one huge damn coinky-dink
not vegan: that it sounds like joly’s one and only Biggest Teacher’s Pet competitor might be rocking up to bahorel’s place on saturday
not vegan: sucks 2 be uuuuuuu joly
a little vegan, as a treat: I have faith I can befriend him?? Maybe after a couple tequilas?? We must see this as an OPPORTUNITY!!
queen vegan: u are the cutest
accidental vegan: thought that was me?!!
queen vegan: BOUSSET WHERE TF ARE YOU
accidental vegan: IDK IM SO SORRY
queen vegan: OPEN GOOGLE MAPS AND SEARCH GORDON SQUARE PLEASE I BEG YOU
Courfeyrac to Enjolras 12:51
Courfeyrac: ferre says ur BLUSHING
Liberte Egalite Fraternite 12:52
liberte: WHAT THE HELL
egalite: courf are you really incapable of keeping something to yourself for a single minute?
beyonce: not news that our fearless leader is BLUSHING??? Over A GUY????
liberte: yeah because it is NOT TRUE
liberte: I only have eyes FOR THE CAUSE
beyonce: the cause do have a cute booty tho
beyonce: amiright
beyonce: guys
beyonce: o boi
egalite: enjolras is off on a long tangent about how he sees all of our comrades equally and just appreciates that feuilly is hosting a party for us
egalite: I hope you’re happy
liberte: I swear I don’t understand where this has come from
liberte: I respect feuilly as a man and a comrade???
liberte: he has overcome some great things to make it where he is?
liberte: and is one of our most passionate group members?
beyonce: looooool IM CRYING
egalite: OKAY COURF IM SORRY I COULDN’T DO IT ANY LONGER
liberte: I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU BOTH!!??
beyonce: FERRE!!TRAITOR!!!!!
egalite: I actually feel kinda upset now courf why did you think this would help
beyonce: WE thought it would help you to be a bit more sociable, jojo!!
liberte: WHY THE HELL DID YOU THINK THIS WOULD HELP ME “BE MORE SOCIABLE”???
liberte: I LITERALLY RUN A SOCIALISM CLUB
liberte: ISH
beyonce: u think ur funny
liberte: I do
egalite: we were worried about u, enjolras
egalite: courf back me up I’m struggling to do this alone especially since this was your idea
egalite: COURFEYRAC
beyonce: IM TYPING
beyonce: look you’ve just been really in your shell lately. Especially since getting on your grad scheme and being so so so focussed on work all the time. The only real socialising you do is with us? And I mean sure, you’re never gonna be as crazy popular as me since I’m just the coolest guy ever? But when combeferre of all people has more of a hip and happening social life than you, that’s kinda when we start worrying, u know? Because the two of us love you but also we’re not your parents and we don’t want you to only ever be entirely dependent on us because we’re already a bit of a codependent group as it is. So we just thought if maybe you could see some of the musain group in more of a social light rather than a revolution light, it might be nice. So yeah it’s kinda my fault but I asked ferre to maybe try putting the idea of feuilly in your head, because he’s a really great guy and we know you like him
liberte: I don’t need you guys “putting ideas in my head” Or anything
liberte: I really do respect feuilly
beyonce: doesn’t mean two hot single guys cant take advantage of that mutual respect???
liberte: but I
liberte: I am not sure what to do with this information
liberte: I cannot believe u guys
Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite 13:06
egalite: what do u mean "combeferre of all people" when talking about my "hip and happening social life"?
beyonce: i mean u run a dungeons & dragons group babe it's hardly the COOLEST thing ive ever seen
Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite 13:11
liberte: would it even be ethical to engage affectionately with a comrade? Could that ever even happen?
beyonce: god, only you, jojo
R to jehan 16:42
R: omw back, gonna nip into tesco if u want anything?
jehan: hello!!
jehan: I’m so pleased you managed to get out! you were looking a little foggy behind the eyes after all your screentime this weekend
R: you’re actually TOO sweet
R: I literally draw doodles for nerds online for a living
R: imagine me rolling my eyes
jehan: I too am a nerd
R: that you are
R: original q, tho?
jehan: ah yes!!! I think we are running low on washing up liquid
jehan: let me check
jehan: I like my dishes to SPARKLE LIKE SUNLIGHT ON A RIPPLING OCEAN
jehan: or at least not grow fur
jehan: lemme check one sec
R to jehan 16:51
R: gonna assume u got distracted by something
R: got fairy liquid on reduced
R: its apparently apple scented
R: which sounds great to me, tbf
jehan to R 17:02
jehan: omg yes I forgot to reply sorry love!!
jehan: I am excited to taste apple scented dishes
R: PLEASE DON’T EAT THE FAIRY LIQUID JEHAN
jehan: oh btw check your emails
R to jehan 17:06
R: IS HE FUCKING KIDDING
jehan: I know, I’m not best pleased
jehan: he’s already charging us too much in rent for the area, I don’t like the idea that he just has free access to our lives at any given moment
R: is it even legal to turn off the wifi with so little notice????
jehan: we live in London, R
jehan: I wish I knew
R: landlords are leeches
R changed the group chat name to gillenormand is a leech
jehan: valid
Boxing Bros 17:42
R: do you know much about renters rights?
R: my housemate jehan and I are trying to figure out if we can file a formal complaint against our landlord
Bahorel: hi bahorel, how u doin? Is your day going okay? I’m so excited to see you on Saturday!
R: alright alright enough with the sarcasm
R: hi babey
R: how u doin?
R: your day going okay?
R: I am genuinely hyped for Saturday tbf, I’m going to get drunk beyond belief and make horrible decisions
Bahorel: please don’t make horrible decisions in my house, man
Bahorel: but thanks
Bahorel: okay I’m placated, I’ll answer ur question
Bahorel: but u ain’t gonna like it
R: ah
Bahorel: so yeah, honestly, I hate to say it, but I wouldn’t
Bahorel: ur landlord has u in a headlock
Bahorel: because u live in a decent area with lots of competition
Bahorel: and renters rights in London are enforced with the most piss poor level of standards of most places in the country
R: I hate asking u for legal advice when its bad news
R: and its always bad news
Bahorel: shrugs
Bahorel: that’s what u get for trusting a layabout law student
Bahorel: but it’s one of the things I Care about, and it makes me fucking angry
Bahorel: I’ve told you about the activism work I do at UCL, right?
Bahorel: we talk a lot about this kinda thing
R: nah nah let’s move the conversation back to getting drunk on Saturday, I don’t want you tryna make me CARE about things again
Bahorel: sometimes u make me despair, man
Bahorel: fight for ur rights
R: fuck my rights
R: u know how I feel
R: im sorry but a student group aint getting anywhere
Bahorel: fuck you, honestly
Bahorel: we’re not even all students
Bahorel: the guy who defacto runs it isn’t even a student at the mo, he’s on a grad scheme somewhere in central London
R: god I hate London snobs
Bahorel: what, like me?
R: ur the only student I actually like
R: and that’s cos ur working class
Bahorel: okay, two points
Bahorel: a) feuilly and I are much more working class than u and we are both sick of rich boys fetishizing it
Bahorel: and b) u literally asked me to invite joly to our party
Bahorel: isn’t he a med student at UCL?
R: joly doesn’t count, he’s a puppo dog
Bahorel: I truly don’t know why I’m friends with u sometimes, R
R: it’s because I’m the most fun to sesh with
Bahorel: true I guess
R: and I’m ur fav sparring partner
Bahorel: also very much true
R: and idk, pity?
Bahorel: three for three!!
R: ouch
Bahorel: you did ask for it, tbf
R: gdi
R: u owe me a pint on saturday