Chapter Text
I loved him.
It wasn't the type of love you feel like the strike of a lightning bolt. It wasn't this sudden realization that he was more than before.
There was no before.
It was more like the baseline we began to build our relationship on. The starting point of infinite possibilities.
The love I felt for him was warm like the fireplace in the living room, soft like the drizzle of rain in spring. It was the beginning and the end of everything I did, every word I uttered and every opportunity I took.
For the love I carried within my heart would grant me wings.
And he answered with the same gentleness he carried his heart on his sleeve with.
There was no surprise when I stumbled over the words, my face burning and he laughed softly, his obsidian eyes shining bright like stars and took my hands to run into the future with me.
A future we planned on spending together, to change the world around us, to find beauty in the little things.
A future we never had.
I loved him.
Not because he was perfect or the most skilled shinobi around me. Not because he wore the right clothes or a big name.
A name he wished to discard. A name he tainted by the red curse evading him.
I loved him because he was flawed in the most amazing ways, enhancing his determination and ability to never give up. It was because he valued life in itself. His tongue too loose for his own good he always assumed something good was possible.
He was the one no one believed in. The one no one wanted and yet he knew he was to be the strongest of them all.
The love we created between us, a tiny bud blooming into a beautiful flower, was enough to keep the demons at bay for the most part.
We fought and cried and screamed for a chance to be seen.
The only chance he ever got was the one that took a turn for the worst.
I loved him.
I loved him with all I was and all I had to give. Not a day went by where I did not feel the same love within him, singing to me every time we met.
Stolen moments, a first kiss between classes. Giggles and horrible jokes. Nothing was like the movies and everything was perfect.
The way his hand fit with mine. The trembling fingers exploring naked skin under the starry sky. The sigh of wonder whenever we found yet another secret. Lips so soft I would dream of them day and night, unable to withstand any chance I got.
He was in my blood, my heart and soul. He was my everything and the world was ours to explore.
Until the darkness came.
The day he went on that mission was a day like any other. We made plans for after his return. It wasn't the first mission we'd have to spend apart. The ring on my finger reminded me of the days we have spent together, memories keeping me company until he would be back in my arms, his dark unkempt hair tickling me in my sleep.
Too young
. They said.
But we knew it wasn't just a sentiment that came and went. It was of the same origin as the universe itself, a power so beautiful yet frightening, it could destroy worlds.
I held him a moment longer, a strange premonition clouding my heart. For a single beat of my heart I thought to not let him go but I knew I was being silly.
Homesick before he even left.
His kiss lingered on my lips long after he had vanished into the green.
His last words rang in my ears when his team returned without him.
I will be back soon. I promise.
It's been years since that fateful day. The ring on my finger still reminds me of a time I thought I had it all. Memories of the one that got away, etched into the forefront of my mind, replaying a graying highlight reel.
First, I forgot how he sounded when he laughed at his own jokes. Then I forgot his favorite sleeping position.
One by one the things that made him were lost in the void of time until all I could remember was the feeling of his arms around me. Of warmth replaced by cold, the days a blurring echo of roads not taken.
I didn't love him.
Past tense.
I still do.
Present Tense.