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They said he couldn't do it, he himself thought he couldn't do it, but here he was. Graduating. Sure, he'd had to repeat a year. Sure, all his teachers looked incredibly relieved to finally be rid of him. But he'd done it.
He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but this final year, he'd gained a charming incentive to come to class more regularly.
A year ago a vision in pastels appeared on the first day back after the summer holidays. Ed had spent those holidays being berated for failing all his exams, being drunk, being a bit miserable and ready to maybe not bother with graduation.
A lad in a light blue Lacoste polo, dusty pink shorts and peach-toned Keds appeared at the front of the class, nervously running a hand through his blonde, luscious hair which had been styled into waves but was now tussled. Even from the back of the class Ed could see how shiny that hair was and he wanted to feel if it was as soft as it looked.
Feeling a bit irritated by this turn of thoughts he broke his stare and pretended to look at something outside the window. The teacher spoke up. “Everyone, this is Stede. He's transferred here for his final year. Stede, sit down.”
As Stede scrambled to a seat near the front, Ed let out a sigh, watching from the corner of his eye. He felt strangely uneasy, but not in a bad way.
Stede was alone for most of the day. He made a face that Ed could only describe as sad, like some forgotten puppy, as he sat there during lunch, ignored by the rest of the cafeteria.
Ed grimaced and made his way over. He stopped across from Stede at the table, suddenly tense as he gripped his lunch (an apple currently being turned into pulp). “Hey, uh. Mind if I join you?”
Stede looked up at him with wide eyes, his mouth falling open. Shit.
“Stede!” a voice shouted from a few meters away. They both looked to the source as an androgynous-looking girl made her way over. Ed knew her from sight and reputation only. She was formidable and incredibly popular, always surrounded by a big group of girls. “It really is you! I haven't seen you since elementary school, have you just transferred here?”
Ed remained quiet, awkwardly unsure of what to do now. She turned to him as if she only just noticed him, staring with an intense expression. “Are you trying to pick on Stede? I swear to Joan Jett if you so much as touch him -”
“No, Mary, he wasn't -” Stede began in agitation, but Ed waved him off. Problem solved. Wasn't alone. Didn't need Ed's company. “'s fine,” he muttered and made a quick exit to the outdoor seating.
It was a stupid idea anyway, why would someone as handsome and fancy as that guy be interested in some dirtbag like Ed. His leathers and black shirt needed a wash, his hair was unkempt and decidedly not shiny and soft-looking.
The stubble on his chin helped him buy alcohol in the past, but now he was nineteen and didn't need to trick anyone anymore. Except if he went to the States maybe, but he wasn't keen on that, except maybe to get as far away from that awkward interaction as possible.
He joined the gang outside, Ivan brought his portable cassette player. Ed fished a mixtape from his bag. He tried to drown out his jumble of thoughts with the sounds of Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath as he chomped on his apple. It almost worked. Almost.
Despite his better judgement, he came to class the next day. Stede was now under Mary's wing and had people talking to him, befriending him. Ed wasn't jealous. And he definitely wasn't straining his ears trying to hear what they were talking about, to hear more about Stede without having to talk to him himself.
Before Ed knew it, he had attended months of classes. He even remembered some of the stuff the teachers were monologuing about, mainly because he had to sometimes stop staring at Stede and focus his attention elsewhere because this was getting embarrassing, frankly, and no-one else had to know just how stupidly fascinated he was by this marshmallow of a man.
The only time he got to talk to Stede again was during a mandatory group task. They were paired based on grades, leaving Ed, the bottom of the barrel, with Stede, who was unsurprisingly quite bookish. Stede had joined Ed at the back with his colourful binder that had dividers for every subject, flipping it open to the current lesson.
The neat note-taking and colour-coded highlighting was like nothing Ed had ever seen. “Whoa,” he breathed, leaning towards the binder in fascination.
“Oh, ah, um. Thank you?” Stede stammered, eyes glued to the notes.
“That's mental, mate. I wish I had your willpower, that shit looks impressive,” Ed complimented with genuine appreciation. He suddenly noticed how close he'd gotten to Stede, so he leaned back again to not crowd the poor guy.
Stede's eyes fluttered up to him and that alone made Ed's heartbeat race. Shit. Then Stede's glance lowered to his chest and Ed's heart didn't know what to make of that at all.
“Is that a, uh, a band?” Stede asked quietly, eyes pointing at Ed's shirt.
Ed looked down at himself, hoping his chest wasn't betraying his slightly panicked breathing. The guy he'd been staring at for months was talking to him and it was unnerving.
“Yeah, Iron Maiden. Never heard of them?”
Stede pressed his lips together and shook his head.
“Mate, you have to! They're fantastic!” Ed was enthused to share something he enjoyed with Stede, but regretted his words instantly. Why would Stede want to listen to Iron Maiden? He probably thought Ed was mad to suggest it. Damnit.
“Really? I think I will,” Stede replied however, his voice sounding small but a hint of a smile on his lips. Enough of a smile to make Ed feel a bit giddy.
“Great! Grand, great,” Ed rambled, kicking himself internally.
Thankfully Stede released him from his own awkwardness by turning their focus to their task. If Ed had trouble maintaining that focus on the task instead of on Stede, Stede was kind enough not to comment. Or maybe he didn't notice, or care.
Ed felt torn between misery and exhilaration the rest of the day. Every time he thought of Stede being friendly, helpful, kind, so close and talking to him, to Ed, he felt like he was being filled with a full dose of adrenaline.
Each and every time his mind supplied those happy feelings, it immediately betrayed him right after with thoughts like You're just a good-for-nothing delinquent, a dirtbag, why would he want to spend any time with you?
He felt exhausted at the end of the day, restless sleep taking him quickly. His dreams were filled with Stede, talking to him, laughing with him, looking at him, looking at his lips, kissing him...
When Ed awoke, he felt confused. Very, very confused. He felt ill, he should stay home. His parents would never let him, though. The truth was, the first moment he woke up, he felt warm. Like a warm tea with many sugars. Like his heart had been softly enveloped. But then his mind adjusted to reality and nausea replaced that warmth.
He dragged himself to school, sat in the back row as usual and watched Stede enter with some friends, laughing sweetly at something one of them had said. The sight made Ed's heart flutter like mad, his insides a mess of excitement and anxiety.
It made Ed wish he had an excuse to speak to Stede. Part of him desperately wanted to ask Stede to tutor him. He would get to spend time with Stede, he would improve his grades, win win right?
Except for Stede it would be loss loss. His parents would probably faint if Stede politely accepted Ed's request and brought this leather-clad delinquent home. Stede seemed like the nice kind of guy who would accept even if it made him uncomfortable, so Ed would never dare ask.
Besides, maybe it was better he wouldn't spend too much alone time with Stede. Stede deserved better, not that Ed had any chance with him. But it'd be awkward if Stede knew how Ed felt. Best keep quiet, best keep distant. Best just watch him from afar.
With the final exams rapidly approaching, Ed was spending more and more time revising. He felt like he had something to prove to himself. A small part of him wanted to impress Stede, somehow, by not failing again. But he didn't want to fail himself, either. He would do this.
When they got their results, Ed let out a whoop of joy and gave Fang a bear hug. They even did a quick celebratory dance, they were so beside themselves.
Stede and his group of friends let out a squeal of triumph nearby and his eyes caught Stede's. He froze for a moment, breathless, before a huge grin spread across his face.
Stede looked curiously before returning with a flash of a smile that felt like clouds parting for a beam of sunshine. Ed almost swooned from the sustained eye contact before Stede's attention was drawn away.
The graduation party was a bit of a bust. Teachers were annoying, Ivan and Fang had gone to a bar to celebrate with Izzy, who had graduated without Ed the year before. They'd tried to convince him to join, but Ed didn't want to leave yet.
He had looked forward to finally, finally escaping this shithole, but now that he could, he didn't want to. The reason for that was over on the dancefloor, clumsily waltzing with Mary. It stung, but Ed knew pain. Pain was familiar.
Ed downed the rest of his drink and moved to get another. He continued watching Stede dancing, wishing he could...
Stede caught his eye then and Ed swallowed. He'd been noticed. Shit.
Unable to stop looking, he watched Stede whisper in Mary's ear and draw away. Stede looked incredible, tip to toe in a suit of bright blue sequins that shimmered every time he moved. His hair, impossibly, looked even shinier than usual.
Ed was thus distracted by admiring the view that he registered only a few seconds belatedly that Stede was coming towards him. Panic spread through his veins like fire, but the fire also felt invigorating. He could do nothing else but stare at the approaching figure.
As he got closer, Ed could see Stede had a hint of smile and a suitcase of nerves. In so far, they were equal. Why would Stede want to talk to him of all people?
“Congratulations, Ed,” Stede greeted with feeling.
Ed felt his breath shake. “Th-thank you. Can't believe I pulled it off.”
“You're too hard on yourself. I think you're very clever,” Stede regarded him with a sweet smile that stoked the fire inside Ed.
Ed couldn't find any words and simply scoffed in self-deprecation.
“And... and handsome,” Stede continued in a voice so quiet Ed could barely hear him over the music.
Ed stepped closer. He could argue it was so he could hear better and it would be a blatant lie. His face felt hot from the fire inside him.
Stede spoke again, a little more audible. He seemed flustered, or was Ed projecting? “I listened to that band... to Iron Maiden.”
“You did?” Ed couldn't help but smile at him in amazement. What a strange, wonderful guy.
“They were rougher than what I'm used to listening to, but um...”
Stede was blushing and looking at his shoes, it was a delicious sight that Ed wanted to commit to memory like a rare treasure.
“But I admit I was quite attracted to the, ah, roughness.” Stede's eyes flickered up to Ed's face. Was he saying what Ed thought, wished, hoped, he was saying? “In fact, they're playing in town next month and I was wondering if you, if you'd like to go. With. With me.”
Ed's brain was in overload, trying to process this turn of events and contain the giddiness that was taking over his body.
“Mate, I would love that!” he burst out, his pent up nervous energy releasing in a wave of excitement.
“Yes?” Stede quietly asked for reassurance.
“Yes!” Ed whole-heartedly confirmed. “Are you sure you want to go with some... dirtbag, like me?”
“I wouldn't want to go with anyone but you, Ed.” Stede was smiling and hiding his head a little.
Hesitantly, oh so carefully, Ed's hand reached out and squeezed Stede's. The hidden smile now turned to Ed and it blinded him.
Ed let that joy turn into courage. “Would you like to dance?”
Stede nodded, the happy smile still lighting up his face as he pulled Ed to the dancefloor.