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Anya had always known that Loid was using her to complete his mission, she knew their family was fake, she knew he was a spy, and spies never form emotional connections.
But she was dumb, young and naive enough to think she could change that, that she and Yor would be the exceptions to that rule.
She tried to convince herself that it wasn’t true, that after the mission was a success he’d stay with them and they’d be a real happy family, no more lies, no more secrets, just love.
But there was always the lingering thought at the back of her mind, because she knew he would leave eventually, that everything he said or did with them was all a farce, he didn’t care about them in the way a husband or father should.
To him she was nothing more than a pawn.
When she was 12 she began her own mission, “Mission family!” Her goal was to try and pry into Loid’s mind; she'd try to form as many emotional bonds as she could with him, so much so that he wouldn’t have the heart to leave her. It wasn’t a complete failure, but every time she had managed to break down another one of his walls he’d think of her as nothing more than a means to finish his mission, and those walls she’d spent so long demolishing went back up twice as fast.
At 14 she had started “Mission guilt trip!” If he tried to leave she’d cry and beg and scream for him to stay, no man with a conscience could ever leave their little girl sobbing for them to stay, nobody’s that heartless, well unless you’re Loid Forger.
She let go of that mission quickly, realising he wouldn’t care how many tears she spilt. With no other options she tried to force herself to see him as a pawn, so when he left inevitably it wouldn’t hurt so much, but to no avail, Anya saw the man as a father, and despite his cold thoughts and even colder diminuir she longed for the warmth he provided, he filled that aching hole in her heart with nothing more than craft store glue.
So after the success of operation strix when she was 16, Anya started counting the days left with her dearest father. She'd pay extra attention to his thoughts, trying to find any signs he was leaving so she could mentally prepare herself, so she wouldn’t take the hit just as hard.
It was going okay, it was just a regular Tuesday morning when his thoughts hit her like a truck, “Yeah, I’ll fake my death, move back to Westalis or something..” She had been about to leave for school when she heard it, her grip on their door knob tightening with shock and fear, she stared back at him with wide eyes that almost threatened him, he stared back not understanding why she looked so pale all of a sudden.
“Anya? Are you okay?” He asked, and she hated how he sounded so caring, so genuine, so father-like, when he was thinking of leaving them just seconds before.
“Y-yeah, I just uhm, I love you papa!” She flashed her brightest smile and quickly opened the door, her imperial scholar's cape flowing behind her as she swiftly closed the door with a ‘click.’
She stood in front of the door for a bit, hand covering her mouth as she tried her very best to process everything, she had been preparing for this, no, she had been prepared for this.
And yet it still felt like a stab to the heart or salt in the wound. Her tongue had the flavours of bitter tarts or a disgusting mix of betrayal and hatred that wasn’t quite complete hatred.
She hadn’t expected it to hurt this much, her legs started feeling weak as she fell to the floor with a ‘thump!’ Her breathing excessive and harsh, Loud had rushed out the door when he heard the light sounds of sobs and heavy breathing coming from the other side of the door.
“Anya? Anya! Why are you on the ground, a-are you crying!?” He knelt down in front of her, lifting her bangs to feel her forehead, she stared into his icy gaze with her own emerald eyes, eyes that were filled with tears and worry.
“I-I’m fine papa, just a cold or something-” Her voice was strangled with sobs and she couldn’t stand to see how Loid’s face showed one of worry and concern for her, because she knew it was all a lie.
“Nonsense, Anya can you walk- Never mind I’ll just-” He scooped her up in a princess carry, and almost instinctively Anya snuggled her face into his shoulder, basking in his warmth, she hated how at peace he made her feel, despite him being the reason she was like this in the first place.
And she only cried more, as who would carry her when she was to overtaken by tears to walk? Who would whisper her sweet comforting words as she fell asleep? Who would she call ‘chichi’ once he was gone? At the end of the day Anya has finally truly lost, her main source of comfort was leaving her and it didn’t matter what she said or did he’d leave and he’d never come back. She saw him as a father, but he didn’t see her as a daughter.
Anya grew sick with fear, so she stayed home while Loid took care of her. Yor was on a ‘business trip’ for the next week or so, which is probably why he was choosing now out of any time to do this, while Yor wouldn’t be there to catch him and bring him back.
The days passed slowly and painfully dragged on for what felt like years as Anya layed there bedridden and in an absolute state of demise.
It was about 2:48am when she heard his thoughts, “Good night Anya, and good-bye.” She felt how he pulled the blanket’s up for her, and how he had kissed her forehead as if saying sorry.
She let him leave to the living room as he took a final look around the house they had called theirs.
“Papa.” She said, voice dry and devoid of emotion.
“Anya it’s late, go back to bed.” He said, so calmly.
“I can’t, you’ll leave if I do.” He looked a bit shocked for a moment, but composed himself quickly.
“I just have a late shift at the hospital Anya, I’ll be back.” Lies.
“Papa’s a terrible liar.”
“Anya what are you on about?”
“Papa, what if I told you I knew everything.”
“Well then you’d be very smart Anya, but I already knew that.”
“Silly papa.” She laughed a little at the irony of it all.
“Anya you really should get back to bed.”
“I know you’re a spy, papa.” She looked him dead in the eyes as he looked at her, almost bewildered.
“You and your imagination, such a crazy thing to say.” he laughed it off and kept his composure, of course he’d lie again, all he ever did was lie.
“No, you’re a spy, you adopted me for your mission, you married mama for the mission, everything was for the stupid mission.” Her fists were bald as her nails started digging into her skin in an attempt to keep her calm.
“Anya you’re sick and tired, stop spouting nonsense.” He sounded almost harsher this time, as if giving her a warning.
“No, your names not Loid Forger, your the best spy in Westalia, codename Twilight, I don’t even think you remember your real name though.” she stared into him, with a fire burning in her eyes, one that was different than when she had punched Damian.
At the mention of ‘Twilight’ he stopped fighting back, looking at her with wide eyes and a slightly agape mouth.
“You were assigned the mission better known as ‘operation strix’ about 10 years ago papa, you were tasked to adopt a child and start a fake family to infiltrate Eden Academy to become closer to Donovan Desmond’s second son Damian Desmond, or to become an imperial scholar.” She stated matter-of-factly, as she remembered all those details as if it was her own name.
“Anya..”
“Everything we did as a family was nothing more than a cover-up for your mission. I also know that uncle-Franky is another spy, or, more like an informant if anything, and how uncle-Yuri is a secret police!” She had started walking towards him, and was now standing right in front of the almost fear filled Loid.
“What do you get out of telling me this?” His voice was strained and he looked down at the floor almost angrily.
“I have spent the last 10 years trying to prove my worth to you papa, I became the youngest imperial scholar ever appointed and even entered a relationship with Damian all for you, and now that your mission is complete you're just leaving. Did you ever think about what would have happened to me if you left, papa?” She forced him to look her in the eyes, eyes that showed only resentment for her.
“You knew better than anyone that this family was fake, It’s not my fault you got attached.” He turned away from her gaze once more, almost too ashamed of the words coming out of his mouth.
“You adopted me, some lonely orphan, you cared for me and loved me like a father, and now you’re mad that I grew attached to that? You don’t have the right to be mad at me right now, not after all you’ve done.” Her voice showed powerful amounts of malice towards him, yet it still hurt, deep down, she knew it would always hurt.
“How do you even know all this?” He asked weakly.
“I’m a telepath.”
“Is that how you solved that crossword puzzle all those years ago?”
“I just wanted a family, and you just happened to have needed a child, I did what I had to do.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
“You would have abandoned me, at least that’s what I thought, turns out you’re doing it anyways.”
“I’m sorry Anya.”
“No you’re not.” She spat back almost immediately, tone full of anger and resentment for the man.
“I am.” He turned around again, and made his way to the door, his hand on the knob he turned back once more to see the image of his shaking foster daughter, trying so hard to hold the tears in.
“Was there really nothing I can do to get you to stay?” She weakly said, grasping at anything and everything she could.
“No, good-bye Anya.” He opened the door and closed it behind him afterwards, not looking back even one more time.
“Good-bye, Twilight.”