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𓏧
“Leave, Thoma. The unrest this family has is far too harmful for you to get involved,” Ayato begs, but it doesn’t sound like it. He remains composed and serious, as if he was telling the simplest of orders. Surely leaving Inazuma couldn’t be as simple as that: with imminent storms lying ahead in the open sea, the journey proves itself to be a tough one.
What kind of retainer would leave when his Lord needs support? Thoma couldn’t even fathom the idea of leaving the country in a time of dispute in the Kamisato clan.
The small smile on Thoma’s face is now a frown. “I can’t possibly leave, my Lord–”
“I have arranged a ship to bring you back to Mondstadt as early as morning. The docks of Ritou will be waiting for you.”
Although disrespectful, Thoma sighs in front of Ayato. If he wants Thoma away from him so badly, then, perhaps, Thoma should leave.
A retainer shouldn’t disobey his Lord’s orders ; a vow he had told himself as soon as he landed himself the role of a housekeeper. Leaving Inazuma is one of them, and, maybe, he would be ordered to return as soon as everything is over.
The next morning, Thoma departs from Inazuma.
𓏧
“The representatives from Inazuma and Liyue should arrive tomorrow at noon. The ball is scheduled the following day, in the evening,” the acting grandmaster of the Knights, Jean, announces. “I believe you have been made familiar with your tasks already, so, you may leave now unless you have any questions regarding them.”
Jean thanks the knights present in the meeting for listening, and then earnestly answers the questions (very few) knights have given her. Thoma looks around the hall of the headquarters, blankly, seemingly not ready to leave.
Kaeya, the cavalry captain, shifts to his side and crosses his arms, as if he has something to say. He looks at his subordinates, the acting grandmaster, the floor, the ceiling – it takes a while for him to open his mouth.
“Kamisato, huh? Must ring a bell to you.”
Ah, right , Thoma recalls. He was tasked by Jean to escort the Inazuma representatives out of their ship and accommodate them to their temporary lodging. It was a fitting task; him being the housekeeper of the renowned Kamisato clan was relatively old news for the knights. There was no one more fit for the job but him.
Thoma chuckles, a wave of both pleasant and unpleasant memories playing at the back of his head.
“Yeah.”
That night, Thoma’s sleep was far from comfortable.
𓏧
The following day, Thoma wakes up tired from a very short sleep. As per usual, he gets ready and prepares to set off to work. Today is a particularly busy day as it commences the beginning of a huge event involving three nations. Peace talks aren’t usually something to be excited about, but what everyone is most looking forward to on today's occasion is the masquerade ball that comes right after.
Mondstadters are fond of parties, for the drinks especially. One other thing that they like is fun, like everyone else – the upcoming masquerade ball offers anonymity, and the thrill of it. Everyone is invited, though, it just so happens that there is a limit for the number of attendees due to the fact that the venue simply cannot make room for the entire nation. Thus, the chances of the common folk getting in the slots are naught but slim. What makes the people of Mondstadt okay with this is that the party shall extend even outside the venue: food stalls, decorations – perhaps this could be considered the second Windblume festival of the year.
The first place Thoma goes to is the Knights of Favonius headquarters, the venue of the said ball. He observes that there has already been plenty of progress made despite the very little time given to them to decorate the area lavishly. Yesterday, there had only been wall decor, but now, even the floors are adorned with bits of beauty.
The person in charge of the decorating, Amber the Outrider of the Knights, skips cheerfully towards Thoma along with one smaller knight, both wearing the same shade of red. The three clad in red (Thoma, too, is wearing red) exchange greetings and reports regarding the progress of decorating. He surmises there is no problem, but thinks it’s still necessary to ask about it regardless.
“No issues so far?”
“Haha, nope! Everything’s under control!” Amber replies, her hands behind her back.
Thoma smiles. “Great! I’ll see the both of you soon.”
He turns on his heel and walks towards the exit, giving the two a wave before leaving the building. He hears a faint “bye!” before the door is fully shut.
The next thing he is supposed to do is depart to Liyue Harbor as the ships dock there. It takes an hour and a half to get there, and another hour and a half to return – it’s best he leaves as soon as possible, the worst thing that could happen is that he’d keep the officials waiting because of his late arrival.
Later, a total of five carriages headed to Liyue, two for the Liyue Qixing and three for the Inazuma Tri-Commission. Thoma waits for the inevitable that is meeting the Kamisatos: who would be arriving is unclear. He hopes it isn’t the older brother.
𓏧
“...Looks like it’ll take fifteen more minutes to arrive,” the coachman says as he maneuvers the horse-drawn carriage.
The road to the harbor of Liyue is a quiet one. From all the times Thoma has set foot in Liyue, he observes that the only bustling place is Liyue Harbor; the rest being adepti grounds or ruins yet to be studied by researchers (though, someone would have to usher the hilichurls away from them before they do so). Besides the occasional checkpoints with three or four millelith guarding them, the pathways of Liyue are very much empty.
Thoma looks into the distance as he slightly bounces due to the bumpy surface. He doesn’t reply to the coachman’s statement; instead, he makes his own remark.
“Tranquil here, isn’t it?”
The coachman smiles as if he was the one described. “That’s what I like about Liyue: it’s peaceful. The air is fresh – Mondstadt’s air is fresh, too, but it has yet to fully recover from the recent Stormterror attack. Only then will the wind clear.”
“Liyue has suffered its own disasters too, you know?” Thoma chuckles, recalling the news of the Great Overlord Osial nearly drowning Liyue’s main city. It was after that account that he had started to become less surprised with very bizarre occurrences – if the Fatui are involved, things are sure to get wild.
The coachman does the same: he chuckles or laughs, Thoma can’t tell the difference. The only difference is that it is raspier; a sign of aging.
“Yeah. But whatever happens in Mondstadt, the wind takes a hold of it.”
𓏧
Just as the coachman previously predicted, they arrived fifteen minutes later. The carriages are parked right outside the entrance of the port city, and the bystanders nearby stare at the rare sight. A few children who were once playing on the huge bridge slowly back away into one of the street stalls as Thoma, along with a few other fellow colleagues, get off their carriages.
“Fran and Walter.” Upon the call of their names, the two knights turn their heads to Thoma.
He continues, “You are to wait here for the Tianquan and the Yuheng of the Liyue Qixing. The Millelith will escort them shortly to the carriages.”
Fran and Walter do the signature gesture of the Knights, a salute followed by a “yes sir”. Thoma thinks to himself about how pressuring it feels to be the acting captain of the reconnaissance company; with Eula having to attend to other matters, the duty was left to him.
Thoma waves goodbye to the two men and makes his way to the southern wharf with the rest of the knights.
The crowds in both Feiyun Slope and Chihu Rock are far from surprising as the city of Liyue Harbor is home to a lot of commerce. Thoma hears different callings for customers and yells in each ear. The city is so alive that it makes him overwhelmed. The ‘tranquility’ he spoke of earlier began to seem more like a joke than a compliment.
The open seas ahead of Liyue and across its border are now visible to him once Thoma walks down the steps toward the docks. Here, it’s less tight compared to the heart of the city. He lets out a sigh of relief. Thoma spots one ship arriving from the distance: it takes a while for him to recognize its owner, but once he catches sight of an illustration of a Shinto gate on its sails, he is sure that it’s from Inazuma.
It is this time when Thoma begins to become nervous. He fiddles with his red jacket, his own fingers, the yumemiru pendant that hangs nicely against his chest – meeting the person he previously served is unavoidable. And to him, it's scary.
To think that he had been patiently waiting for a letter from the Yashiro Commission to tell him to return to the Kamisato Estate for so long, like a dog anticipating the arrival of its owner, only to get nothing; even after the conclusion of the Vision Hunt Decree that had caused turmoil within the people of Inazuma – it was ridiculous. The unrest Kamisato Ayato had told him of is over, and it has been that way for a while. After all the years of hanging around in Mondstadt as the vice-captain of the reconnaissance company and waiting for an order to come back, Thoma put himself to a realization that he might have been shooed away not for his own safety, but simply because he was no longer needed.
He’d like to think that he’s more than happy with the knights, though a part of him still lingers in the land of lightning.
…No, it shouldn’t be that way.
𓏧
“The ship’s doors are about to open,” one of the knights announces, but it seems the announcement was for himself and not for anyone else as his voice was small.
Thoma gestures to his group to move closer towards the ship and stay put at a comfortable distance. They stand on the dock, dignified, assuming themselves a more chivalric character.
Leather starts tapping against the wooden surface. Thoma gulps as he sees Kujou Kamaji of the Tenryou Commission walk out of the ship, looking more than happy to finally step foot outside. He is one of the many Inazuman officials Thoma is familiar with, having spoken to him on some occasions when he used to be Inazuma’s infamous ‘fixer’.
Kujou Kamaji recognizes Thoma almost immediately, and, so, he exclaims as the footsteps behind him become more frequent, “Thoma, you’re here!”
“That I am. It’s nice to see you again, Lord Commissioner,” he says, making a sorry attempt to hide the nervousness in his voice.
Thoma doesn’t notice someone taller creeping up behind the Tenryou Commissioner. “Very familiar face we have here, don’t we?”
His eyes roam to the owner of the voice, only to meet with a pair of purple eyes in a light shade; ones that Thoma is all too familiar with.
Kamisato Ayato, the esteemed Yashiro Commissioner of Inazuma’s Tri-Commission: he looks more mature than when Thoma had last seen him. He takes notice of the fact that his hair has grown considerably longer, although obviously trimmed, and that he is no longer in his usual kimono or his old suits but a regal white coat accented with royal shades of purple and gold. Underneath all the embellishments and accessories is a kimono, restoring the Inazuman culture in his foreign-inspired attire.
But despite all that, he seems like the same Kamisato Ayato he used to know.
“My Lord,” Thoma blurts out. A wave of instant regret comes right after. The other knights turn to him out of curiosity as they have never seen their vice-captain so timid, although it might not be the correct word to describe him as he looks conflicted with hundreds of emotions all at once.
Ayato laughs; and oh , it’s deeper. “You have no need to address me that way, Thoma. Just ‘Ayato’ is alright with me.”
Embarrassingly, Thoma flounders on his words and stutters, “S-Sir Ayato, then!
“I hope all of you had a safe journey.” He looks at Hiiragi Chisato, Kujou Kamaji, and ‘just’ Ayato: three important figures in the Inazuman government. “Your carriages are this way, and allow us to carry your baggage.”
𓏧
Thoma sits across Ayato in silence as they make their way back to the city of Mondstadt. He feels as if the latter is staring daggers at him, or studying him very carefully to the point where it’s scary, so he could only look down at his shoes. It has been eleven minutes since they had got on the carriage, and not a word has been exchanged since they reunited outside.
The air feels heavy, somehow. It’s almost as if unsaid words take the form of gas and pollute the air within the tight enclosed space they’re currently in.
“How have you been?” asks Ayato. Thoma almost jumps at the unexpected question, having thought that the ride would remain silent.
He answers, short but sweet, “I’ve been great, I hope the same is for you… and Miss Ayaka.”
“I’d like to think I have, yes, but upholding the title of the Kamisato Clan’s head is a heavy burden to bear. Ayaka is doing great, too. Her communication skills have improved a lot since you left,” Ayato explains.
With the mention of Ayaka, Thoma remembers the way she would keep her feelings to herself in consideration of others, or sometimes, out of pure reluctance. One would have to find ways to push it out of her just so she could speak her mind. He has always thought of Ayaka so highly despite their difference in age, because she’s a young lady with such a wise mind – her swordsmanship skills, he recalls, were also sharp and top-notch.
Just as Thoma was about to give his response, Ayato beats him to it.
“It was a pleasant surprise to see you with the knights, you look like you have grown since I last saw you.”
Thoma fondles the cloth of his jacket as Ayato goes on while sharing eye contact with the latter like a prim and proper person. “How long has it been; nine, ten years? We were only seventeen when I sent you home.”
The questions don’t stop there.
“Are you happy here?”
Thoma gives himself more than a few seconds to respond, like he’s unsure. Ayato tilts his head, staring at the yumemiru pendant Thoma has on his chest, a parting gift he had given him before he had set sail.
Unable to give a truthful answer after a long pause, Thoma musters up a white lie, “I suppose so.”
𓏧
Several footsteps echo across the corridors of the Goth Grand Hotel as Thoma leads the Inazumans to their rooms, which appear to be way too big for one person. In silence, they slowly walk up the stairs of the third floor and then head to the last three rooms at the end of the hallway. First, he guides Kujou Kamaji to his room; then, he opens the door to Hiiragi Chisato’s room. Once the area is clear of people, with Ayato being an exception, Thoma inhales and then exhales out of exasperation.
Again, Ayato is the first to speak.
“You seem to have become more carefree,” he whispers, his arms crossed. “Back then, you would have never shown that you were tired.”
Thoma feels his gaze on him. Hesitantly, he looks up to Ayato – since when was he looking down on his feet again?
Where his eyes land on is the beauty mark resting below Ayato’s lips.
Thoma chuckles, but nothing’s funny. “Have I?” he asks, because is it really true?
Ayato hums and confirms, “You have, and that’s a good thing. I wished you loosened up a bit more when you worked for us before.”
“Well, here I am now!” Thoma’s lips twitch into a smile. “All loosened up.”
It becomes quiet between the two of them due to a loss for words and ideas of what to bring up next.
“You must have a busy schedule tomorrow,” Ayato recalls abruptly. It is only this time when Thoma remembers the main event is on the next day. “This is goodnight then.”
“Goodnight, Ayato,” Thoma says without thinking twice.
Ayato’s eyes widen slightly.
Thoma corrects himself, “Oh no, I meant – uh – ‘Sir’ Ayato.”
“It’s alright, I asked it of you anyway.” Ayato’s smile still remains as he finally unlocks his hotel room. “Goodnight, Thoma. See you tomorrow.”
𓏧
Most of the following day is work, work, and then work.
Thoma started preparing for the peace talks and the long-awaited ball since early morning and has not gotten a break yet, just like the rest of his fellow knights. He’s been all around the place, solving different problems and checking on different people. Now, he’s standing in front of the knights’ librarian seeking clarifications and answers. This serves as one of his final tasks for today’s event; the next being attending the ball itself.
“Catering services should be here by five,” says Lisa. Her fingers trail down what seems to be a guest list for tonight’s occasion. Thoma peeks at the tiny texts written on it, but isn’t quick enough to decipher any of it when Lisa sweeps it closer to her. “No peeking.”
Thoma promptly apologizes, a pink tint forming on both of his cheeks and at the tip of his ears.
Lisa scans the papers on her hand shortly and grins once her eyes stop at a certain word – or words. “Got a date for tonight?” she asks.
“Pardon?”
“You heard me, a ‘date’,” she repeats, emphasizing the syllables in the word ‘date’. “So, do you have one?”
“No, I don’t,” Thoma mumbles.
Lisa laughs. “No worries, just teasing. You’re not supposed to have a date, it’s a masquerade party!”
But then she shifts next to Thoma, her lips dangerously close to his ear. The movement is followed by a whisper laced with mischievous intent.
“Though, I’ve caught sight of the way you look at the Yashiro Commissioner. Perhaps he came into your mind when I asked?”
𓏧
Succeeding hours of finalizing everything that has happened and is about to happen, Thoma puts on a long black coat and a suit clad in a dark shade of red. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s dressed up so formal and extravagant. Seeing as Thoma cannot recount any memory, this might be the first – he thinks.
Thoma checks himself out in the full body mirror, front and behind, looking for specks of dust or a malfunction in his clothes. He ties the long part of his hair into a low ponytail then combs his fringe into a neater style, and after that, Thoma thinks he doesn’t look like himself anymore. Though, he doesn’t mind looking this proper once in a while.
Behind him, his mother claps in amusement, proud to see her son presenting himself so grand. “You look great!”
Thoma gives his mother a warm smile as he puts on his mask. “Thanks, mom.”
Later, he hugs his mother goodbye and leaves his home to go to the Knights of Favonius Headquarters. Outside, he sees others dressed in fancy get-ups making their way to the same destination as him. As he strolls towards the venue, a pair consisting of an outlander and a flying “creature” approach him, supposedly wanting to talk.
“Thoma! I don’t think that mask will help hide that unforgettable hair of yours,” Paimon, the said flying creature, jokes.
Thoma’s eyes light up at the sight of his two friends. “Aether, Paimon! I haven’t seen you in days!”
“We’ve been doing our own part in today’s event, as usual,” Aether explains, and it seems he’s fighting the urge to roll his eyes. And Thoma gets it, because he’s seen the two of them go all over Teyvat only to get sidetracked from their goals because people can’t seem to do anything by themselves. “Shall we go together?”
“Of course!”
Shortly, they arrive on a red carpet and with swarms of people all dressed up with overflowing excitement. Thoma has already seen the final product of the decoration team’s hard work earlier in the afternoon, but the way it looks in the evening is far greater: that’s why he’s still entranced by the sight in front of him, and it seems everybody else is experiencing the same feeling.
Aether, after gazing at the area, tells Thoma they have to part ways as he has a meeting with Jean, and so, he finds himself alone again. Thoma enters the building with ease as he is a member of the knights.
The party begins subsequently after the doors shut. On the second floor, Thoma views from above, seeing masked men and women dance together under blaring chandeliers and the accompaniment of waltz music. Oh, how he’d love to join the crowd –
“Thoma.”
Thoma spins to face the opposite direction, and then meets the eye of no one other than Ayato.
Ayato is wearing a mask and dressed in a very dark shade of blue in contrast to his usual attire. The accessory on his face doesn’t make it any harder for Thoma to recognize him.
“Hi,” he greets. “No one to dance with, Ayato?”
Ayato chuckles. “No, not at the moment. And you?”
“The same is for me.”
The two of them say no more for a while and rest themselves against the railings and look down as the party goes on without them. Ayato was never one for public gatherings, thus Thoma understands why he’s looking like an outcast despite being a prominent figure in his country’s political world.
The look on Ayato’s face is close to stoic, hiding all emotion behind a cunning grin on his face. He’s never changed. His hand is brought up for his chin to lean on. He looks bored.
Ayato toys with the feather attached to his mask and asks, “Do you miss Inazuma?”
The answer comes immediately like no other.
“Yes.”
Interested, Ayato fully diverts his attention to him.
Thoma continues with his musings, “Don’t get me wrong, life in Mondstadt isn’t bad: for one, it’s peaceful. I’ve spent nine and a half years here with no complaints. But, nothing compares to the life I had in Inazuma… even at my older age.”
“Why is that?”
“It’s hard to explain, but I’d like to think I was happier there. Working alongside you and the Little Miss, the staff in the estate, the people that make that country alive – those are things I find much more enjoyable than my current job as a knight.”
Ayato still looks at him, and Thoma faces away. “So,” Ayato starts. “Is it your job that you aren’t exactly content with?”
Thoma bites his bottom lip in frustration because no, no – that’s not it. It’s difficult to put into words, or rather: it’s difficult to say out loud.
“Oh?”
Did he say that out loud?
“Well, I,” he pauses, searching for the right words to say. “It was just better being with you.”
Ayato lets out a sharp breath, and it doesn’t make Thoma feel any better. He thought admitting something so mortifying would take out years of pent up feelings, but the situation proves him otherwise; talking about the past, seeking closure, and saying what was not said merely made his feelings rise to its peak.
“...Is that so?” Ayato mutters. “Because I thought the same.”
He fixes his posture, getting up from his slouch and removing himself from the railings. The lights from the dozen chandeliers make it easier to get a clear view of Ayato’s face. Thoma notices more of what has changed since he left: a more defined jawline, broader shoulders, a taller nose. He also points out that his eyelashes have grown considerably longer. Somehow, knots form on the pits of Thoma’s stomach.
“Can I ask you a question?” Thoma asks as he follows what Ayato had just done, standing up straight and facing him eye-to-eye.
“Go ahead.”
It stings, but it is a necessary question. “Why did you force me to leave?”
“You getting sent back to where you originally came from was a byproduct of multiple foolish reasons–”
Thoma’s heart races at the anticipation of a confirmation he’s been looking for, hoping it won’t hurt.
“--I feel the only reasonable one was that you would be harmed if you got involved in the dispute, but I knew you were resilient enough to push through it and march forward. As the incoming heir to the Kamisato throne, I had no time for distractions and I, foolishly, forced you to be gone because you were one of them.”
“What do you mean?”
“I liked you, romantically,” Ayato states boldly.
What?
Romantically?
Thoma blurts out, “Me too.”
“You did?”
He goes quiet for a moment.
“Yeah, and seeing you again has made me realize that I still do.”
All of a sudden, Ayato’s lips softly press on his own. Thoma’s world starts spinning and he feels he’s about to go insane.
𓏧
Ayato’s fingers run across Thoma’s hair as his other arm is wrapped around his waist. Earlier, they had left the party very early to spend time alone together at Ayato’s hotel room.
Cuddled close together, they talk in small voices. It’s just the two of them together, like they’re the only people in the world; they can’t be bothered to care about the party any more, not when they have finally found each other again.
It’s funny, Thoma thinks, because they were like strangers the previous day.
But it makes sense: all it took were a few missing pieces of a puzzle to make themselves whole once more.
“I’ve been dreaming of doing this, you know?” Ayato tells him in between rubbing his back so endearingly.
Thoma lets out a breath of a laugh. “I know, and I have too.”
They’re met with silence again after Ayato plants a kiss on the top of Thoma’s head. Not used to the affection, Thoma turns shy.
“What do you say about returning to Inazuma?”
Thoma lifts his head up from Ayato’s chest. “I’d love to come back,” he proclaims.
“And your job as a knight?” asks Ayato, seriously.
“If it meant being with you everyday, I’d abandon it anytime.”
As if on cue, the wind from outside blows into the room from the open window, the curtains flying backward from the impact.