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when i lifted my eyes off my laptop, it was dark outside. i sighed. it got really late. must’ve gotten too wrapped up with the investigation. or, more accurately, wrapped up with wrapping up the loose ends.
i stretched my arms above my head, hearing the satisfying cracking noise that my spine made. i was about to get up to make dinner when my phone started buzzing, to the point where i thought it was someone calling me. i took it and turned it on, only to find notification upon notification informing me of a string of messages that were still incoming. alright, this is worrisome. i unlocked it and entered the chat, only to find that the messages were from none other than jake himself. my brow furrowed. ok, this has jumped from weird to panic-inducing.
i tapped his name, trying to read the fire-quick messages as they arrived.
‘i’m sorry for bothering you this late at night
it’s an emreg
emergency
are you at home?
please, come online as soon as you see this’
an emergency!? i haven’t heard from you since the mines! ugh, but i guess that can wait for now.
‘sure, i’m at home
are you alright?
what’s wrong, jake?’
i’d barely sent the messages when someone started pounding on my door like hellfire. i ran downstairs, my heart in my throat. there’s no way this is a coincidence.
‘‘for the love of fuck—’’ i said, as i grabbed the door handle and started to awkwardly fumble with it. ‘‘stop it with the knocking already, i’m here!’’
when i was finally able to unlock the door, i’d barely moved it a sliver before the person on the other side essentially pushed their way into my house, slamming the door shut behind their back. we stood there in uncomfortable silence, both of us trying to regain our breath.
‘‘what the fuck, jake?!’’ i finally said, after trying to will my brain into cooperation.
the way he visibly flinched upon hearing the name only bolstered my theory on this stranger’s identity. he was clutching his phone in his right hand while his left one remained pressed against the door, and i could barely make out the shape of a backpack almost full to bursting hanging from his shoulders. i just stared at him, speechless.
‘‘how did you get out of the mine?’’ my voice was barely a whisper. i had half a mind to ask him how he’d found me, too, but that one wasn’t too hard to crack. i was pretty sure my phone had the gps feature enabled. because after all that’s happened, i haven’t learnt a single thing.
he tentatively lifted his head, and my breath caught in my throat. god, he’s beautiful. don’t get me wrong, he looked rough. like, i’ve-spent-the-last-two-days-hiding-in-an-abandoned-mineshaft type rough. and yet, his mess of black hair and blue eyes… well, they did something to me. he awkwardly lifted his free hand and ran it through his hair, pushing the hood back and letting me get a better look at him. hold on, this is not the moment to get distracted by this shit!
i pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. ‘‘alright. let’s go step by step. you—’’ i pointed at him, and then to the ceiling. ‘‘upstairs. go take a shower. leave these clothes out by the door so i can throw them in the washing machine. no—’’ i cut him off before he could even protest. ‘‘we can talk about… everything after that. first things first.’’ i turned around and started walking to the kitchen, already thinking about what i whip up in such a short notice. ‘‘bathroom’s first door to the left. you got a change of clothes?’’
there was a beat of silence. ‘‘yeah, in my backpack.’’ damn, even his voice is doing things to me? there’s no saving me from this man.
‘‘alright. come back down when you’re done, we’ll have dinner.’’ i turned to look at him, one hand on the kitchen doorframe. i smiled. ‘‘it really is good to finally see you, despite the circumstances.’’
the corner of his mouth lifted up, eyes softening. ‘‘it truly is.’’
about fifteen minutes and a pot of pasta later, i was setting the table when jake walked through the door, drying his hair out with a towel. and let me tell you, if i was a goner when i saw him earlier under the hood and looking like a mess, now that he was (slightly) more presentable, i knew i had it down bad.
i think i might’ve been caught staring, because when our eyes met i saw the slightest hint of a smirk on his face. he tilted his head towards the table. ‘‘need any help?’’
‘‘you’ve spent the last who knows how many hours in a mine.’’ i said, gesturing at him with a fork. ‘‘i think i’ll be ok putting the plates in place. sit down.’’
he put his hands in the air in mock-surrender. ‘‘alright, just put the cutlery down before someone gets hurt.’’ he slowly started to side-step toward the table, making a show of never turning his back to me. i made a stabbing motion with it in his direction. his eyebrows arched, eyes flitting between the fork and my face. after a few seconds of silence, we both burst out laughing at the same time.
he dropped down into the kitchen chair, and i handed him his plate. he took it, and despite the look of absolute hunger in his eyes, he had the good manners to wait for me to sit down next to him and serve myself before starting. it felt nice, eating besides him. almost like we’d been doing this for years. it was peaceful, and after the turbulent times that we’d both gone through, i’d grown to appreciate peacefulness much more than i used to.
after i finished my plate, i pushed it further into the table and rested my head in my palms. ‘‘so.’’ i prompted.
‘‘so.’’ jake replied, leaning back into his chair before pointing at my phone on the table with a movement of his head. ‘‘what did i miss?’’
‘‘what’s the last thing you know?’’
jake sighed, looking up at the ceiling with a furrowed brow. ‘‘the last piece of information i remember receiving before showing up here was that you love me too.’’
i arched one eyebrow. ‘‘smooth. smoother than i expected you to be, at least.’’ how am i remaining this calm? i feel like i’m on the edge of losing it. ‘‘but really though, besides that, what do you know?’’
he flashed a smile in my direction before drumming out a rhythm with his fingers on the table. ‘‘last i heard, alan had taken hannah away safely and the fbi were closing in.’’
note to self: remember to ask him how the fuck did he get out of that situation alive.
‘‘right. um…’’ i steeled myself for this conversation. it wasn’t going to be easy, but jake deserved to know the truth. ‘‘do you want the horrible news, the bad news or the still bad but slightly better news first?’’
he looked at me quizzically. ‘‘give me the horrible news first.’’
‘‘richy’s dead.’’
his fingers stopped moving and he set his jaw. ‘‘i see.’’ he said, eyes staring grimly ahead before returning his gaze to me. ‘‘are you sure you’re alright, talking about this?’’
i smiled, a small and bittersweet thing, looking at my own hands. ‘‘yeah, thank you for asking. these past two days, i’ve…’’ i gulped. ‘‘i’ve been trying to come to terms with it, i guess. i thought i’d accepted it, back when the call in the forest, but… to have that hope and happiness shattered into a thousand pieces?’’ i sighed. ‘‘wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy. well, anyways…’’ i tried to shake my head, but it felt like i was trying to convince myself that i was ok rather than convincing him. ‘‘a lot has changed, that’s for sure.’’
‘‘so it has.’’ he nodded, eyes lingering on my profile. ‘‘have the police released any autopsy results, or…?’’
‘‘nothing official for now,’’ i told him, eyes fixated on a small dent on the table. ‘‘though i’ve narrowed it down to two possible causes of death.’’
‘‘are you certain you’re—’’
‘‘yes, yes. jake, i’m fine. it’s fine.’’ but it wasn’t. it absolutely wasn’t fine, and both of us could tell. i was barely able to push down the sob rising up my throat. ‘‘he either bled to death, or— the, the fire in the mines, jake.’’ i turned to look at him, trying furiously to blink the tears away.
he shook his head, incredulous. ‘‘christ.’’ he looked back at me, extending his arm in my direction. ‘‘come here.’’
i didn’t need to be told so twice.
i took hold of his hand and he pulled me out of my chair and onto his lap. i grabbed fistfulls of his shirt, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. he held me close, one hand rubbing up and down my back soothingly and the other holding onto my hip, making sure i wasn’t about to fall off him.
and i just sobbed.
i thought i’d cried when watching the final call between richy and jessy, i thought i’d cried when alan messaged me to inform me of the fire and later on the recovery of the burnt body. but that was nothing compared to the full-body, howling-type crying that was going on right now. everything came crashing down on me— the full realization of the horrifying, traumatic events that’d unfolded so quickly that i really hadn’t been able to process.
‘‘jake—’’ my voice barely sounded human. ‘‘jake, i—’’
‘‘it’s ok,’’ he muttered into the top of my head.
‘‘no, lis— listen. am i—’’ i could barely get my words out. i pulled my face from his neck and i looked him in the eyes. ‘‘am i a bad person?’’
his brow furrowed. ‘‘what?’’ he asked, his gaze searching for something in my face, anything that would help him understand the situation better. ‘‘why would you say that?’’
‘‘because— when i heard about the body, i, i mean— when it was identified as richy’s…’’ i tried to dry my tears with the back of my hand. ‘‘all… all i felt was relief. relief because the body wasn’t yours.’’
i saw realization dawning on him. ‘‘oh.’’ his gaze lowered, and i could practically see the gears turning in his brain. ‘‘oh, baby.’’ he looked me in the eyes again. had i not been sobbing, the pet name would’ve probably made me scream. ‘‘it never occured to me that you could’ve thought… i’m so, so sorry.’’
i shook my head, starting to get my crying under control. ‘‘it’s not your fault.’’
he took my head in his hands, cradling it. ‘‘you’re not a bad person.’’ he said, looking straight into my eyes. ‘‘fuck, you’re probably the best person i’ve ever met.’’
i laughed a little. ‘‘i don’t think you know all that many people, mister i’ve been on the run from the government for four years.’’
he smiled and rolled his eyes jokingly. ‘‘rude.’’
i leaned against him and rested my forehead against his shoulder.
after a bit of comfortable silence, he spoke up again. ‘‘you said those were the horrible news.’’ he paused, almost as if to ready himself. ‘‘what about the bad ones?’’
i breathed carefully, taking in the smell of him. just say it. rip the bandage off.
‘‘richy was also the man without a face.’’
i felt jake tense beneath me for a second before forcing himself to relax. i heard him sigh. ‘‘i feared as much. and yet…’’
‘‘and yet, what?’’
‘‘even if only for your sake, i hoped i was wrong. richy… he was your friend.’’
i sniffled, trying to laugh. ‘‘that’s the second time you’ve said that. remember?’’
‘‘i’m… afraid i don’t.’’
‘‘after the phone call where he faked his own death, you told me you were sorry for what i was going through— you said then that richy was my friend.’’
‘‘i did, didn’t i?’’ he exhaled, rubbing my shoulders. ‘‘you have a good memory.’’
i breathed deeply through my nose. ‘‘on brighter news, hannah is… well, as physically unharmed as she could be, considering the situation she’s been in.’’
jake hummed, pressing his cheek against my temple lovingly. ‘‘i’m glad to hear that. how’s the rest of the group?’’
‘‘they’ve been… coping. dan’s back in hospital, if only because the absolute madman fled there in order to be with the group in the house in the forest.’’ i heard him snorting quietly by my side. ‘‘cleo… she’s trying to stay strong in order to support the rest of them. lilly and her have been visiting hannah the most in the psych ward.’’
‘‘psych ward?’’
‘‘oh, don’t worry too much, they’re just keeping her there to make sure she’s alright. she’s been reacting quite well, given the circumstances.’’
‘‘mhm…’’ he hummed. ‘‘i guess it would be naïve of me to expect her to be perfectly alright after all that trauma.’’ he kissed the side of my head tenderly. he was so much more affectionate that i’d ever imagined. ‘‘what about the rest?’’
‘‘thomas… good god, thomas.’’ i sighed in exhaustion. ‘‘he really expected everything to remain the exact same after hannah’s rescue. so when she broke up with him, he kind of… uh, couldn’t deal with it.’’
‘‘they broke up?’’
‘‘uh-huh. but it’s not because he’s done anything, it’s just that hannah needs time to herself and to get better before returning to her life properly. he’ll get over it.’’ i waved my hand dismissively. ‘‘he just needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around his belly button. and jessy…’’ i took a shuddering breath. ‘‘she’s taken it particularly hard. i’m worried about her.’’
‘‘she was quite close with richy, wasn’t she…’’ i hummed in confirmation. ‘‘have you been talking to her?’’
‘‘not really, just once or twice daily to let me know she’s alright. she’s being looked after by phil, though, and he does report to me about her wellbeing, so it’s not like i’m completely in the dark.’’
i didn’t miss the way jake’s hand on my back pressed itself harder against me or how his breath came out in the shape of a little indignant snort. god, he’s adorable.
‘‘so, i take it phil’s out of prison, then?’’
‘‘he is. i mean, now that hannah’s back and we know that michael hanson wasn’t actually behind the whole affair, there really wasn’t much reason for the police to keep him locked up.’’
jake muttered something under his breath, but i was only able to catch the words ‘annoying’, ‘enough’, and ‘life sentence’. i didn’t bother asking him what it was he’d just said. instead i just snuggled my face into his collarbone, trying to hide my smile, but the movement was cut off by a yawn.
he smiled against the top of my head. ‘‘are you tired?’’
i pulled back, rubbing my eyes. ‘‘yeah, kinda.’’ i laughed. ‘‘haven’t slept in a while.’’
‘‘oh, me neither.’’ he seemed to just realize how truly exhausted he was. ‘‘could use a nap, if we’re being honest.’’
i patted him on the shoulder. ‘‘ok, let’s get to bed.’’ i glanced out the window, to the now-dawning sky. ‘‘god knows what time it is.’’
‘‘alright.’’ he agreed, and without the slightest preamble, manhandled me into being carried bridal-style. ‘‘where’re the bedrooms?’’
i could feel my face heating up. ‘‘upstairs.’’ i muttered. ‘‘also, ever heard of a warning, you insane bastard?’’
he turned around and started walking out of the kitchen. ‘‘of course i know what warnings are—’’ he stole a glance to me, a shadow of a smile on his face. ‘‘for i’m usually the one issuing them.’’
i stared at him blankly. ‘‘jake, correct me if i’m wrong, but…’’ i squinted my eyes, exceptical. ‘‘was that teasing just now?’’
‘‘that depends.’’
‘‘on what?’’
‘‘on whether or not you found it funny.’’
and what else could i do, but laugh? cradled in his arms, at the end of such an emotionally stressful day, after our seemingly endless toil through duskwood was over. i’m finally where i belong. where we belong.
before i knew it, he’d carried me all the way upstairs. ‘‘you never did answer the question of where the bedrooms are, though.’’
‘‘yeah, heh, about that…’’ i laughed nervously, trying to avoid jake’s quizzical gaze. ‘‘would you, um, hear me out, ok, listen— i do, in fact, have a guest room, but…’’
‘‘but…?’’
i sighed, covering the lower part of my face with my hand— the very picture of embarrassment. ‘‘if it’s ok with you, i’d… if and only if i’m not overstepping boundaries, i—’’ i stopped my rambling and forced myself to take a deep breath. ‘‘look, if it’s alright with you, i just wanna… i wanna sleep by your side.’’
i felt his body tense. shit, shit, shit, backtrack NOW—
he lifted me up a little higher, closer to his face. i felt his hair touch my forehead, rubbing against mine affectionately— almost the same way a cat headbutts your hand when they want you to pet them. i opened my eyes, only to find him even more dizzyingly close than i expected.
‘‘you’re so, so cute.’’
‘‘oh god, pray that i don’t choke you to death in your sleep. second door to your right.’’
‘‘please don’t do that.’’ he deadpanned. ‘‘after almost five years on the run from the government, dying due to pillow-smothering would be quite unbecoming of me.’’