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Spider

Summary:

It was a regular day, really. Kojiro had just finished wrapping up the restaurant and now all he has to do is wait for Kaoru, Hiromi, and the kids to show up. He doesn’t know how it came to this; him standing on one leg on top of one of the kitchen counters, with the other leg raised, and his arms in the air.

 

All he knows is that when a tiny critter with way too many legs came crawling on his restaurant’s shiny floor, everything went to shit.

 

-

Kojiro's greatest fear

Notes:

inspired by "Spider" by Bo Burnham

Work Text:

It was a regular day, really. Kojiro had just finished wrapping up the restaurant and now all he has to do is wait for Kaoru, Hiromi, and the kids to show up. He doesn’t know how it came to this; him standing on one leg on top of one of the kitchen counters, with the other leg raised, and his arms in the air.

All he knows is that when a tiny critter with way too many legs came crawling on his restaurant’s shiny floor, everything went to shit.

“Stop moving!” he screams as he grabs the nearest thing— a dishwashing towel– and sends it flying to the spider on the floor. It only manages to make it halt for a while until it crawls under the piece of cloth, successfully escaping Kojiro’s disappointing attempt.

Kojiro is a brave man, and he knows this very well, but even the greatest warriors have things to be afraid of. The little guy who has barged into his kitchen, unwelcomed by the way, is one of his short list of phobias. When Kaoru first discovered this himself, he was 8 and crying from laughter. The spider that day was on Kojiro’s arm before he screamed and threw it at Kaoru, who just cupped it into his hands like it was a precious thing before releasing it outside. Whilst the pink haired boy was breathless from laughing too hard, the other was genuinely tearing up. Kojiro remembers that day as if it was just yesterday. He cried to Kaoru, saying that that moment will traumatize him for life. And it did! He’s not remembering this right now because it’s a fond memory, he’s remembering how he always needs kaoru to be there when a spider is in the same room. As much as he hates the spoiled princess, he’s his only savior in these types of situations.

As the spider crawls close to his spot and starts climbing on the counter he’s on, he bolts to the next surface like he’s playing ‘the floor is lava.’ When he turns to see if the spider followed him to his new spot, the eight-legged predatory bastard is nowhere to be seen.

“Where the fuck is he?!” He screeches as his heart starts beating faster than Sonic the Hedgehog. He stays in his spot for a minute or two before guessing that the close is clear. One foot of his touches the surface, hesitating and checking if the spider suddenly comes out. With nothing jumpscaring him, he settles and goes back on his feet. He squints and does one last scan at the room before grabbing the dishwashing towel he threw earlier. Kojiro puts the towel back in its place, not without looking at his sides all the time.

He can just forget this ever happened and never speak of this to his upcoming guests. One person knowing this secret fear of his is already enough as it is annoying. He can just pretend there wasn’t a spider in the first place. It had probably run off to the outside world anyways.

After taking some deep breaths, Kojiro prepares the food his friends like.

 

Kaoru is the first to come, as always. Then follows the kids with Langa’s mouth already watering from the scent of food. Hiromi texts Joe that he can’t make it as he’s on a date with Oka so it’s only him, Kaoru and the children. He serves the food and dinner goes smoothly with lots of scolding on how the kids should enjoy their meal before devouring it whole. It has been an hour or so since the spider incident and Kojiro has not calmed down. So of course his best friend since childhood senses that something is up.

“Why are you so tense?” Kaoru asks, then takes another bite on his carbonara. The question catches Kojiro off guard and immediately dismisses it with a not so convincing chuckle and shrug.

“Why do you ask? Do you care for me, pinky?” He covers it up with something that can drive them to their usual banter. Kaoru thinks of retorting before he furrows his brows and scoffs.

“As if! I was foolish enough to have asked.”

He snickers and smiles fondly at his pink friend and turns his head to Langa when he calls for him.

“Joe! Can I have seconds?”

“That’s like your thirteenth bowl! What do you mean by seconds?” The green haired man grumbles but obeys anyway, snatching Langa’s empty bowl and heads back to the kitchen to get another refill. Now, Kojiro has made plenty of mistakes in his life, but this has got to be one of his top three on the list. When he’s in mid-scoop on the boy’s risotto, Kojiro feels something crawling up on his arm.

The group in the restaurant hears a blood-curdling and uncharacteristically high-pitched scream coming from the kitchen, coupled with the sound of clattering.

Kojiro rips his chef’s coat off to establish dominance as if it would let the spider cower in fear. Instead of seeing a trembling insect– were spiders insects?– he sees it charging at him, crawling at the fastest pace he's ever seen a spider crawl.

The four guests all looked at each other before deciding to rush in to see if Kojiro is all right. The doors fly open and the group is greeted by an.. interesting scene.

There Kojiro was, chest and abs were shown to the world. Pots, pans, and risotto spread across the floor. A pan is in the chef's hand and a furious but terrified look is on his face as he swings his weapon at the spider rushing on the counter. In one motion, the spider miraculously disappeared. Kojiro's features morph into confusion. He looks at the pan to see that the spider was on it. Kojiro has never been this startled by a jumpscare ever since FNAF. He then quickly drops the pan as if it burnt his skin and stumbled backwards.

"Kaoru!" He kneels before said man and grabs onto his yukata, much to Kaoru's distaste. "Kaoru please kill it! It's been haunting me this whole evening and oh mygoditscominghere-"

He gives out another scream as he full-on koalas onto Kaoru. The pink haired just sighs as he takes off his wooden slipper and aims for the incoming spider.

"Wait!" Miya manages to halt Kaoru on his tracks. The kid goes and scoops up the lil guy into his hands and smiles. "I'll bring him outside."

The youngest passes by everyone, not failing to notice how Reki flinches and backs off when he gets near him.

-

Kojiro is now cooped up in a blanket, vision blurry from crying after the traumatic event. Reki is patting his back, Langa and Miya just stand, and the three try to comprehend what they had just witnessed.

"Since when was Joe afraid of spiders?" Reki asks. The big baby man mumbles something in protest but it's incoherent.

"He has always been this way." Kaoru sighs again, hiding his amusement very well. "You'd think him becoming an adult would make him grow up with some courage but I guess that's far from the case here."

Miya hesitates at first but then lightly pats Kojiro's head of fluffy hair. Something he immediately regrets as he's pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

"Let go, dad!"

"Let me have this, son." He murmurs back. Miya groans in defeat as he continues to pat his father figure.

"You're pathetic."

The rest of the group laughs from how bizarre this night has been.