Chapter Text
It was dark when he woke up.
That wasn't really anything new, not since the whole debacle around the upside-down started.
Steve sighed and leant back against his warm and clam pillow. Every damn night he would wake up like this, 4:12 AM, unable to go back to sleep.
Not that he was especially keen on that, anyway. His dreams were nightmares, without exception. Nightmares about the upside-down, people dying in the most gruesome ways imaginable and creatures ripping open his flesh.
Since he knew he was going to be awake anyway, Steve rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with his knuckles and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. His normally loose sweatpants were sticking to his thighs and his shirt had been discarded somewhere throughout the night.
When he stood up after a few minutes of staring at his blank wall, his vision turned black for a moment. Again, nothing new, just unpleasant. He steadied himself against the wall by his bed and as soon as the dizziness was gone, he set off toward the kitchen to get some caffeine into his system.
-Only to see his coffee machine very obviously in no condition to do so: everywhere possible, liquids were leaking out of the thing. It was so bad that a pretty sizeable puddle had formed at the foot of the counter it stood on.
"Shit," Steve cursed through his gritted teeth, immediately rushing to get towels to clean the whole mess up. He would have to get that fixed ASAP, but right now his priorities were focused on getting caffeine.
So he did the next best thing: Grabbed his car keys, shrugged on the first sweater he could find and skittered down the driveway to where his car was parked.
He knew of one store that would be open at an ungodly time like this: the old convenience store down by the trailer park. It would be a semi-long ride there, but nothing he was unwilling to do.
So after a little while, he pulled into the parking lot outside of the establishment and went toward the entrance, only to be stopped in his tracks by a familiar silhouette:
"Max?"
What the heck was the girl doing here? Why was she still up?
The babysitter in him couldn't help but worry so he quickly strode over to where she was sitting on the curb.
She looked up at him when he got close enough for her to notice.
Her tired expression turned into one of alarm, then recognition and eventually back to her tired gaze as she returned to whatever she was looking at before.
Her walkman. She was fiddling around with the different buttons, pressing play and then immediately rewinding the tape back to start. Her headphones were lazily slung around her neck, the sound of Kate Bush's singing barely loud enough to be heard from a few feet away.
"Oh hey Steve."
She sounded almost as tired as she looked.
"What are you doing here alone, Max?" Steve questioned, the worry in his voice surely detectable.
Max looked up at him, irritated. "What do you mean, alone?" She looked to her left. "Oh right. Uh, I'm here with Eddie. He just went inside to get himself a coffee, I didn't wanna come."
Things were starting to make a bit more sense, but still. It was quarter to five. She had school in a few hours. What were they doing here?
"Alright. But why are you out here in the first place?"
"Steve, some people here struggle with sleep. Eddie and I have a signal for when we are awake, and when we see the others signal, we usually go out to- I don't know, talk? Get coffee? Listen to some music?"
She rolled her eyes at him, as if he wasn't also standing here, on his way to get a coffee because Steve, like them, couldn't sleep.
"Nightmares?" he asked, instead of complaining.
Max nodded her head.
"Harrington?" a voice to their right asked.
"Munson," came Steves dry response.
He didn't know what to make of the guy. He had threatened to kill him during their first encounter. He hadn't been so bad, after, but the impression still stuck with Steve.
"What're you doing out here in the slumps oh great king?" Eddie said with that cocky demeanour of his.
No, Steve definitely didn't know what to make of him.
"Getting some fucking coffee." He answered with a sigh and went inside.
Steve did not, in fact, fix his coffee machine ASAP.
What he did instead, was driving down to the store out by the trailer park every night, observing.
It was one of the things that he had picked up after their encounters with the Upside-Down.
It calmed him in a way, he supposed- taking note of all the normalcy there was around him. He was sucking it up, that normalcy, trying to get it to fuse with every single fibre of his being.
Like that was going to stop Vecna. Or the Mind Flayer. Or anything.
As if he had any power, as if he was able to stop those horrors from coming back.
He knew it was hopeless.
When sitting in his car in the convenience store parking lot got boring, he instead chose to sit on one of the benches in the trailer park.
After a few days of getting into that routine, he had figured out the signal Max had described: they both had little lamps facing near their window that they would leave on if they were awake. On an apparently especially rough Tuesday morning, their lights had finally both been on at the same time and like Max said, they had gone down to the store again.
Steve had stayed by the bench, going unnoticed in the darkness of the night.
Steve had also noticed how Eddies light was on considerably more than Max's.
Hers was on between 1:20 and 2:00 am, then later from around 3:55 to 4:30 again.
Eddies was on throughout the whole night except from 11:50 to 1:35.
Most nights, anyway.
Some nights, it was never off.
Steve had seen that during the nights when he himself couldn't sleep.
Those nights had become more and more frequent. He didn't know why.
"Steve, for fucks sake. I know I said I'd let you sleep during our shifts, but its basically become a solo shift these days!"
He groaned in response, rolling over, away from the noise.
An exasperated huff was heard and three seconds later, Steve jerked up at the feeling of a finger going up his nose.
"Ew Robin what the fuck is wrong with you?! Thats disgusting."
"It's just what you get for leaving me to deal with my thoughts during our shifts."
She turned around and walked out of the office behind the counter of the family video store.
He sighed and sat up.
He supposed she was right. As much as he needed the sleep, he understood that this was still his job and that he still had to do at least something for his money.
When he went out to the front, Robin was standing there, angrily refilling the candies.
Up until that point, Steve didn't even know that was something you could do angrily.
"Im sorry, Robin. If you want, I can take over now."
He could see her shoulders sink. She turned around.
"Steve. Im not mad at you for catching up on your sleep during work- I- I don't know what's going on, honestly. And maybe that scares me. Look, I just want you to- talk to me, Steve. Please? I know it's hard, but- it isn't just hard for you. Its affecting all of us. And maybe- just maybe- if you talked to us- me- I could help you. Be there for you. I am alright with letting you sleep, but I'm not alright with you just suffering on your own."
Just when he was about to answer (he didn't know what to say, honestly), the door bell jingled and somebody stepped inside.
"Harrington?"
"Munson."
"I didn't know you worked here."
"He does, but he's been sleeping in the back the past few weeks. No wonder you haven't seen him here yet."
Eddie nodded, apparently not too thrown off by that statement.
"Uh, I was just coming to give back Rocky Horror."
Robin nodded, taking the tape from Eddie and entering it into the computer.
"Nightmares?" Eddie asked.
Steve nodded his head.
It was still dark.
Steve had been sitting on the bench in the trailer park again, just waiting for the sun to rise.
Eddies light had been on since 2:49 am. It was 7:12 now.
Even though Steve didn't really know the guy, he couldn't help but worry.
He still remembered what it had been like for him, after his first encounter with the Demogorgon, back when Will was gone. How he had nearly lost his mind.
The first time was the hardest, he supposed. But that didn't mean it got any easier. Just that instead of your sanity, you lost your hope.
A creaking distracted him from his thoughts. His Hand immediately went next to his side to grab the baseball bat he never had with him anymore, a reflex that his nervous system would not let go.
Then his common sense kicked in and he looked towards where the noise had come from. At first, he couldn't make out what had caused the noise. Then, he saw a figure approaching him.
Lean and long haired.
Eddie Munson.
A flame shot up from a lighter and the end of a cigarette glowed dimly in the light of dawn.
Eddie Munson.
He was approaching the bench Steve was sitting on.
When Eddie looked up and made eye contact with Steve, he halted.
"Harrington."
"Munson."
Eddie didn't ask any questions, instead he went and sat beside him on the bench.
He took a few puffs, apparently lost in thought.
After a minute, he said "You stalking me, Harrington?"
Steve didn't know how to respond to that.
Was what he was doing considered stalking? He had no clue. He shrugged.
"Mh, well. Want one?" He held a cigarette out to Steve.
He nodded, taking the end between his lips. Eddie held out his lighter and lit it for him.
"Thanks," Steve replied after taking a puff.
"You a smoker?"
He shook his head. "Only on parties and when I'm going insane."
"So, you're going insane or do you just have a hella weird definition for party?"
"Guess I'm going insane, then."
"Aren't we all?"
After that, the conversation came to a halt. Eddie put out his cigarette and lit a new one.
"Is it always this bad?"
That question caught Steve off guard. He coughed.
"Wha'dyou mean?" He managed to croak out.
Embarassing.
"The nightmares. You still have them, don't you?" Steve nodded. "Are they always this... bad? I've been keeping myself alive through drugs. I can only sleep when I'm on something, which isn't really how I plan on spending my future."
Steve had no clue. "I don't know. I mean, I would love to tell you it gets better, but I've been dealing with it for a while now and it just seems to be getting worse."
Eddie nodded.
"Guess I'll just have to make peace with dying young."
Steve had already slipped into a new routine. Instead of sitting outside on his own every night, Eddie would join him sometime in the early morning.
The would smoke together and then Steve had to go to work, while Eddie went off to do... whatever Eddie did.
Maybe he had a job. Maybe some legal stuff to do with Chrissy.
They never really talked. Just sometimes, when either of them felt like it.
Mostly, they just sat in silence, puffing on Eddies cigarettes.
Steve had come to appreciate his presence.
With others, he was always forced to act, react and talk.
Maybe not with Robin.
But he felt like they were drifting away from each other. The only times they really saw each other was at work, but Steve often went right to the sofa in the office, barely greeting her before passing out due to exhaustion.
She was worried- he knew it- but after that one time when they got interrupted, they hadn't talked about it again.
With Eddie however, he didn't need do do anything, to be anything.
He had come to realise that Eddie Munson- just like him- was a completely different person from how he was around others. Not necessarily in a bad way, just- different.
One morning, they were sitting outside again. Max's light suddenly turned on.
Steve sighed. "I worry about her."
Eddie hummed. "She's doing better than before. My uncle sometimes talks to her mother. They seem to be getting along better now. Her light is on less than the days right after the..."
He didn't finish the sentence. Steve understood.
"How about you? Seen any improvements?"
Eddies gaze lingered on him for a moment before he answered. "Kind of. I still can't sleep, but I'm staying away from the drugs."
Steve wanted to laugh. The resident dealer, staying away from drugs. How ironic.
Instead, he nodded approvingly. "Thats good. The kids love you."
Eddie laughed, despite it not really being meant as a joke. A real, proper laugh.
It felt weird. That was the first time since everything that Steve had heard him laugh, he realised. And he was the reason. It felt nice, he decided. Maybe they should do that more often.
"That makes it sound like I'm their mom or something"
Steve grinned. A real, proper grin. And he realised that that was also the first time since everything he had smiled properly- because he was happy, not one of the weak smiles he gave his friends to keep pretending like everything was alright.
The next night, he actually got some sleep for once. He fell asleep around 11 pm and woke up again at 4:12 in the morning. Five hours of sleep. He was ecstatic. That had been his longest sleep in the past two months.
He got into his car, drove down to the store, got a coffee, sat on the bench in the trailer park and waited for Eddie.
He didn't come.
With every minute passing, he felt himself getting more agitated.
Usually, Eddie would've been out here by now, lighting his second cigarette.
After twenty minutes, he couldn't stand it anymore.
He went up to the old trailer that he recognised so well by now and knocked. The sound was a deep metallic clanging. Shivers ran down his spine.
Nobody opened the door. He knocked again and to his surprise, the door opened. Nobody had opened it, so it had to have been unlocked. Concern grew in him, and when he stepped into the trailer it felt like it was going to bubble over inside of him.
He listened for a moment and heard the faint sound of hiccuping from one of the rooms at the other end of the trailer. Eddies room.
Steve quickly strode over to the door at the end of the- hallway? Could you call it that?
The door was slightly ajar and Steve spotted a lump of blankets on the bed.
It was shaking.
"Eddie?"
He spotted a lock of dark brown hair sticking out from under one of the blankets.
"Eddie!" He said, a bit louder this time.
A heartbreaking sob broke through the painful silence of the trailer.
No longer concerned with Eddies privacy, Steve yanked the door open and rushed over to the bed.
He halted- what was he doing? He had no clue what was going on and even less how he was going to help.
"Shit," he grumbled and reached out to the lump of Blankets.
"Eddie? Eddie it's me, Steve. You're safe, you-"
Eddie abruptly turned around, facing him. He was staring at Steve with wide eyes, fear apparent.
"What-" Steve whispered, but was abruptly cut off by Eddie collapsing into him, sobs shaking his entire body.
He was having a Panic attack, Steve realised.
He felt Eddies chest heaving, his lungs fighting for air.
Steve placed his hands on Eddies shoulder to keep him steady and searched for his eyes. "Shh, Eddie, it's all right, we'll get through this. Breathe with me." Steve instructed, concentrating on keeping his own breath as steady and rythmical as possible.
"In, out. You're doing great, Eddie, you will survive this, don't worry."
He continued like this for a while, until Eddies breathing had returned to a steady level. He was still shaking.
Steve knew what Panic attacks were like. They were shit, to put it lightly.
Eddie was still staring at him wide-eyed, but he was clearly less erratic now.
"You're doing great, Eddie. It'll be over soon."
Eddie nodded in response, unable to form words yet.
Steve snaked his arms around his shaking body and swayed him back and forth, like parents do with children.
It seemed to help.
After a few minutes, Eddie put his arms around Steves lower back, holding him tightly.
That did something to his insides he couldn't quite put into words, but he was more worried about Eddie right now than whatever was going on inside himself.
"Are you alright?" He quietly asked. Eddie stiffened for a moment before relaxing in his arms again.
"mhm," he responded, the sound of his voice muffled against Steves chest.
They stayed like that for quite a while after that.
From time to time, Steve could feel tears staining his shirt, but he didn't care. He knew what it was like, he wanted Eddie to be able to just be, and not worry about anything, so he let him cry as much as he needed to.
"It's getting worse."