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Author: dinnfameron
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Alexis swung her feet back and forth and let out a sigh. She watched David and Patrick work around each other, restocking product and ringing up customers in the little booth they’d set up in front of the Apothecary.
The Pride celebration in Elmdale was the biggest and oldest in the area, but Patrick was co-chair of the planning committee for the Schitt’s Creek Pride Festival for the first time this year, and he’d been working tirelessly to make this one the best the town had ever seen. All through spring, he’d been filling Alexis in about all the things he had planned during their standing weekly video chat check-ins. Alexis was so impressed with how much they were doing, and how fun it all sounded, that she’d invited herself to come for a visit, so she could be there to experience the festival in person.
“When I decided to come home to see my brothers, I thought I would actually get to, you know, see my brothers,” Alexis whined, twirling her hair around one finger.
“And here we are,” David said dismissively. Alexis thought he sounded just like Mom, but she valued her personal safety, so she didn’t say it out loud. “Get down from there,” he demanded, swatting at her leg until Alexis hopped off the table she’d been sitting on. “That’s the gift-wrapping station.”
“Still not sure we needed a gift-wrapping station out here, David,” Patrick said. He finished with a customer, then turned to face them, leaning back against the table that functioned as the cash and crossing his arms.
“Okay, this is a full-service offshoot of Rose Apothecary,” David said, in a way that sounded well-rehearsed, “and as such, we will be offering all the amenities one finds at our flagship location.”
“The flagship location approximately seven feet to your right,” Patrick pointed out, and Alexis snickered.
“Also, David? Like, Stevie’s working the store while you guys are out here, so I’m pretty sure the only branch of Rose Apothecary offering gift-wrapping right now is this one,” she added helpfully. David continued to emphasize the importance of consistency across a franchise, and Alexis waited until he turned away to roll her eyes dramatically at Patrick, who grinned that hidden grin he sometimes got when sharing an inside joke with someone.
“Again, this is a tent in front of our store and not a secondary location? But whatever you want,” Patrick said finally, and he kissed David on the cheek. While David was conveniently distracted by his gross love for his husband, Alexis reclaimed her spot on the table and resumed swinging her feet.
The main street running through town had been closed to traffic and transformed into impromptu festival grounds, and there was a joyful energy in the air. Every vendor, volunteer, and visitor was clearly enjoying themselves, and Alexis wanted to be out there enjoying herself, too. She watched people go by, laughing and talking, checking out the various merchandise and community organization booths, hitting up the food stalls, listening to music. After a few minutes, Alexis literally couldn’t take it anymore.
“Okay, this is supposed to be fun, and instead I’m bored,” she announced, hopping to her feet again. “I am going to go out there and enjoy myself, and I would like for my brother to join me.”
“Ugh, fine.” David threw his hands up in exasperation. “The initial rush has died down, so I suppose one person can run the booth for an hour. Give me a second to–”
“Ew, not you, David,” Alexis said, grabbing Patrick’s hand and yanking him along with her out into the street. Alexis took a moment to orient herself, trying to decide where to go first. She caught sight of a wall of flags representing every possible identity at a booth up ahead and pulled Patrick toward it.
“Welcome back, Alexis!” Ray called out as soon as he saw her. The booth with all the flags turned out to be his, as were the two booths next to it. In the first booth, Ray was selling an assortment of LGBTQ+ merch, from stickers and pins to postcards, mugs, hats, and keychains. Basically if you could slap a flag on it? He had it for sale. The next two booths looked to be for his real estate, photography, travel planning, and closet organization services. Alexis briefly wondered whether Ray had tried to convince Patrick to give him every booth at the festival; he certainly seemed capable of filling them.
As Alexis got closer, she noticed the tee shirt Ray was wearing: heather gray with lettering in the colors of the ace flag. The letters spelled out RAY-SEXUAL, and Alexis squinted at it, tilting her head.
“Oh, you like it? I recently branched out into graphic tees,” Ray explained, pointing to a sign on the table that said Ray’s Tee’s. He gestured to his chest, smiling widely at Alexis and Patrick. “Get it? I’m putting the ‘Ray’ in ‘Asexual.’” He chuckled at his own joke. “I have more for sale over here if you’re interested.” Ray turned to grab some of the shirts, and Alexis leaned toward Patrick, keeping her voice low.
“He gets that it kind of sounds like his sexuality is himself, right?”
“Oh, I don’t think he does, no,” Patrick said, “but he’s got the spirit.”
They each bought a Raysexual shirt anyway, as a show of support for Ray’s new venture, and because everything was buy two, get one half-off, Patrick grabbed a shirt for Stevie that said Let Me Be Perfectly Queer. Alexis bought three rainbow wristbands, taking a moment to slip one onto her own wrist and another onto Patrick’s. She pocketed the third, giving Ray a wave and a wink as they moved on.
Once they finished checking out all the vendor booths, Alexis wanted to hit the face painting station, where Bob’s nephew painted a rainbow on her cheek with all the enthusiasm of that one picture of Ben Affleck where he’s just looking, like, so sad on a hotel balcony. Next, it was on to the official Schitt’s Creek Pride booth, so Patrick could check in with his co-chair to make sure everything was running smoothly.
After that, Alexis and Patrick wandered over to Twyla’s booth. While catching up over drinks the night before, Twyla confessed to Alexis that she’d been teaching herself to make the perfect honey-lavender oat milk latte for weeks and had finally mastered it just in time to offer it as one of her specials for the festival. Alexis had her doubts, but she was a good friend, so she ordered one for herself and another for Patrick.
“Here you go,” Twyla chirped as she set the cups in front of them a few minutes later. “Two lavender latte surprises.”
“Wait–um, surprise? What’s the surprise?” Beside Alexis, Patrick had already taken a drink and started coughing.
“Oh, there’s a lot of whisky in there,” Twyla informed them.
“Yes, there is,” Patrick said, still sputtering.
Alexis eyed the drink in her own hand warily, but she wanted to be encouraging, so she said, “Yum! Thanks so much, Twy. And, um, I got this for you.” She fished the wristband from Ray out of her pocket and handed it to Twyla, who took it and beamed at her.
“Alexis! It’s just like yours and Patrick’s!”
“Ray’s selling them, and I just thought you might like to wear it today,” Alexis explained, tapping the table in front of her for emphasis.
“I love it,” Twyla insisted, already slipping it on. She held her wrist out and admired it for a moment. “Thank you,” she said again and flashed Alexis another sunny smile.
“Totally, babe,” Alexis assured her. Patrick was headed to a nearby bench, so she followed him, and they sat down to enjoy their drinks.
“Good lord,” Patrick said after taking another sip. “This tastes like a cup of whisky that was once next to a jar of honey in a house that was down the road from a lavender farm.”
“Right?” They sat in silence for a moment, watching the crowd, before she said, “I’m still totally going to drink mine though.”
“Oh, me too,” Patrick agreed, “I’m just saying the name is misleading. Still very much enjoying all this… honey-tinged whisky.”
They laughed and took small sips, then winced in unison. Alexis caught sight of a booth nearby and nearly did a double-take. It was Ted’s vet clinic, except of course it wasn’t Ted’s clinic anymore: he’d sold it when he decided to stay in the Galapagos. But there was Shannon manning the booth, and Alexis still half-expected to see Ted appear at any minute. Patrick noticed that she’d fallen silent and followed her eyeline to see what she was looking at.
“It’s weird seeing the clinic here without him,” he said.
“Mhmm,” Alexis agreed. “He’s happy, though, doing what he loves.”
“That’s important.” They sipped their inaccurately-named lattes in silence and let the sounds of Pride wash over them, until Patrick said, “And are you?”
“Am I what?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Happy,” he said. “Doing what you love. Either, both.”
Alexis thought for a moment. “Yes,” she said finally. “Both. Mostly.”
“Mostly,” Patrick echoed, but he didn’t push. Patrick rarely pushed; it was one of Alexis’s favorite things about him. Alexis went back to watching the crowd. Here, in this space, they all seemed so happy, so free. That, Alexis thought. That’s what’s missing. That’s what I want. She took a deep breath.
“I didn’t come home just to see you two,” she confessed, her voice a little louder than she intended, and Patrick gave her a slightly confused look. “Or, I mean, I did do that. But I didn’t just do that. I also came home because I wanted to be here.”
“You’re always welcome here, Alexis,” Patrick started, and he looked like he was winding up to say something horribly fond and affirming, so she put a hand out, cutting him off.
“No, not here to Schitt’s Creek. Here.” She tilted her chin up to indicate the scene in front of them. “Pride. I wanted to be here for Pride because… because this is my hometown, and,” she took another deep breath, “I wanted my first Pride to be here. I mean–” She waved a dismissive hand. This was not going well at all. “I mean, it’s not my first Pride. I’ve been to, like, a million, but it’s, um..” Her palms were sweating. “It’s my first Pride,” she said.
By the time she finished, Patrick was making one of his fondest faces at her, the one she usually only saw when David was nearby. “Okay,” he said softly. “Thank you, Alexis. I’m really glad you’re here.”
“I’m bi. Bisexual. I’m bisexual,” Alexis said, stumbling over the words.
“Congrats,” Patrick said. Alexis could tell he was aiming for casual, probably trying not to freak her out by being too… whatever. Too something. But he also looked like he might cry, just a little, so she went on.
“I always thought I was, like, just a little bit gay, in that way that everybody’s a little bit gay, you know? But then I realized, like, no, everybody’s not a little bit gay. Some people are just bi. And, like, I’m realizing that I like guys, but I also like people who are not guys, and I like them the same way that I like guys, so.” She set her cup down on the bench and tucked her hands between her knees, unsure what to do with them. Patrick was smiling his hidden smile at her again.
“That sounds pretty bi,” he said, and Alexis laughed, relieved. “I mean, I’m not an expert, but yeah, that sounds bi to me.” Alexis leaned back against the bench, feeling lighter than she could remember feeling in a long time. Patrick gripped one of her knees between his thumb and first finger and gave it a playful little shake. “I’m really glad you came home,” he said, “and I’m really glad you told me.”
“You won’t tell David, though, will you? I want to tell him myself, when he’s not so busy with everything. Maybe tomorrow.”
“Of course I won’t,” he said, shaking his head and looking at her with his big, earnest eyes. “I won’t tell anyone. Who gets to know that part of you is for you to decide, always.”
“I want people to know,” she insisted. “I just want David to hear it from me.”
Patrick nodded again and took a drink of his latte, managing to cough only once this time. “You know, I have to say, I’m feeling pretty honored that you told me before you told David.”
“I told you before I told anyone,” Alexis confessed. Patrick raised his wispy little eyebrows at her, so she tried to explain. “It’s just, David’s always been so sure of himself and how he feels. He’s always known exactly who he is. But somehow I didn’t figure this out until now?”
“You remember when I first came to town, right?” Patrick said, teasing. “I had no clue who I was then, or what I wanted. There’s no wrong time to figure it out, Alexis.”
“Ugh, I know ,” Alexis whined, because Patrick had a tendency to go all walking platitude generator on her, and she couldn’t deal with that right now. “But like, and I mean this with all the love in the world, Patrick, because you are a baby deer, and your parents are literal angels, but you were raised out in a field or whatever–”
“My town had a population of almost twenty thousand people, but go on,” Patrick interjected flatly.
“My point is that you didn’t know better. Like, you weren’t exposed to a lot of queer culture. But, like, for me… I mean, look who my brother is.”
“We’re working with a lot of generalizations here, but I concede your point,” Patrick said, after a moment of consideration.
“How did I not know?”
Patrick wrapped an arm around her, pulling her against his side. She leaned her head onto his shoulder and sighed.
“Listen,” he said, “you aren’t the first person to make assumptions about yourself. You aren’t even the first person on this bench to make assumptions about yourself.” Alexis giggled a little at that, and Patrick squeezed her shoulder in response. “And I can promise you, David hasn’t always known himself fully, either. When we met, there was a lot of reevaluating we had to do, on both sides.”
“But I don’t know what I’m doing,” Alexis admitted finally. “What if I try to, like, ask a girl on a date, and I’m bad at it?”
“Alexis Rose? Asking someone out and not getting an instant yes? Can’t really see it,” Patrick joked, and Alexis huffed, half-amused, half-frustrated at herself. “Look around,” Patrick told her, gesturing to all the festival-goers in their flags and costumes and elaborate yet flawless makeup. “There’s no wrong way to do any of this. Really. We’re all here, just figuring it out. Reevaluating. And you deserve to be here as much as anyone, Alexis.”
She could feel the sting of tears at his words and blinked hard. She hid her face in Patrick’s shoulder, and he rubbed her arm for a moment, then leaned back, looking into her eyes.
“Okay?” he asked. Alexis sniffed, nodding, and wiped discreetly at her mascara. Patrick turned away while she collected herself, taking a drink of his latte and sucking air through his teeth at the burn. “You want to head back,” he asked after a moment, “or keep looking around?”
“Um, I think the sign by the stage said the Jazzagals’ set is starting soon,” Alexis said.
“I heard they’re doing a Prince medley,” Patrick put in. “We shouldn’t miss that.”
“No, we shouldn’t,” Alexis agreed. Patrick stood first, leaning over to throw the rest of his drink away, then offered his hand. She made a show of accepting it and letting him help her to her feet, then she looped her arm through his and hurried to keep up as Patrick led them through the crowd.
They stayed for the whole Jazzagals set, other than a few minutes where Patrick snuck off somewhere, returning with a plain paper bag. The Prince medley was a resounding success, even if listening to Jocelyn sing the lead on “Do Me, Baby” while Roland catcalled from somewhere behind them was a little jarring. The ‘Gals ended the set with an upbeat and pitch perfect “I Would Die 4 U,” the music and the last of Twyla’s whisky and the heart-to-heart with Patrick all mixing up together to leave Alexis feeling loose and liquid and happy.
On the way back to the Apothecary, Patrick pulled her between the cafe’s booth and Heather Warner’s soap and chevre booth, and pushed the paper bag he’d been carrying into her hands.
“I got this for you,” he said excitedly. Alexis gasped in delighted surprise and opened the bag. Inside was a black tee shirt with a pineapple in the pink, purple, and blue of the bi flag. The word BI-NEAPPLE was emblazoned across the top in the same colors. “Ray was selling them,” Patrick explained. “I know it’s a little silly, but I thought maybe you could just wear it around the apartment or something when you go back. It’s really soft, and–”
“I love it,” Alexis said, almost whispering, because it was silly. It was so silly, and Ray made it, and Patrick got it for her at Pride in the town she still thought of as home, and he gave it to her after she came out to him, and Alexis thought that she could float away, right now, and not even care if she ever came back down. “I love it,” she said again, and threw her arms around Patrick’s neck.
“Good,” he said, laughing in a shyly pleased sort of way when she pulled away just to look at it again.
“Oh my god, there you two are!” David stomped up to them, hands on his hips, and Alexis hurriedly shoved the shirt back into the bag. “I have been looking for you everywhere,” he grumped. “Patrick, you are due to check in for your shift at the Youthline tent in, like, five minutes. And you,” he continued, turning to face Alexis, “I would like to take, like, one break at some point today. Can you please cover the store for me while Stevie covers the booth, or were you lying when you said you were here to help?”
“No, yes, David, I can do that,” Alexis said, nodding with a confidence she did not feel. There was just, like, a lot of whisky in that latte, is the thing.
But David just shouted a sarcastic “Thank you!” at her as he stomped away.
By the time she’d finished her shift at the store, Patrick was back at the RA booth, so she spent most of the afternoon hanging out with Twyla, wandering off by herself when Twy got busy to take a closer look at a few of the vendors or watch whoever was on stage. By the time the street fair part of the day finished at five o’clock, Alexis was feeling hopeful, more settled in her own skin than she could remember.
As the vendors packed up their wares, a band was setting up on stage, and soon the whole street had turned into one big dance floor. Alexis danced with anyone and everyone, people she knew and those she didn’t: David and Patrick and Twy and Stevie and Shannon and some guy with a cute dog that he kept in a little wagon and Jocelyn and Ronnie and the rest of the Jazzagals and Ray. Even Bob’s nephew let her twirl around him while he swayed imperceptibly for one song. After they’d all had a few drinks, Alexis and Patrick and Twyla managed to convince him to get his paints back out and give them all matching, glittery rainbows on their faces that were much larger than the one Alexis got earlier. The look of utter distress on David’s face when he realized his husband was covered in glitter was worth the cost of Alexis’s airfare alone.
Hours later, after too much fried food and too many strong drinks and somehow not enough dancing, long after the sun had already given up and gone to bed, David told Alexis it was time to go home.
“Yeah you! I would die 4 u,” Alexis sang, shimmying her shoulders while David fumbled with the key to the cottage door.
“Darling if you want me to,” Patrick joined in without missing a beat, even though he was currently leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. The man was as good as a pro, even while just this side of trashed.
“Oh my god, please stop singing,” David groused. “I am literally begging both of you.” He finally turned the lock and hurried them inside. “Okay, you two were overserved, and I’m filing a complaint tomorrow.”
“David, David,” Patrick said seriously, though he was swaying a little where he stood. “I’m the chair. You can file your complaint with me.”
Alexis giggled. “You’re not a chair; you’re like a little… little… baby… table,” she tried.
“Sit,” David commanded, and they sat. “Stay. I’m getting waters.” When he returned, he handed them each a glass of water, then looked at them with a disappointed face.
“Now you’re Dad,” Alexis said.
“No, I am not,” David said, and it came out sounding like Dad. Alexis giggled again.
“David! I’m not your woman. I’m not your man. I am something that you’ll never understand,” she sang. David said “ugh” and went into the other room. Patrick hummed along for a bit, then laid his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes again. Alexis told him, “Thank you.” She couldn’t remember right then what she was thanking him for, but she knew that he’d done something earlier that made her want to say it.
When David came back, he herded them upstairs and supervised from the hallway while they both got ready for bed, Patrick in the primary and Alexis in the guest bathroom. Every so often, David said something to them, like, “first, take off the shirt you’re wearing, and then put on the clean shirt,” or “you can’t fall asleep there!” But eventually, everyone was ready for bed.
“What a great day,” Alexis said when the three of them had reconvened in the hallway to say goodnight.
“Yes, well, clearly you two had a very good time,” David said sarcastically. “I haven’t had this much trouble herding drunks since that ill-advised weekend in Big Bear with half the cast of Veronica Mars.”
Patrick looked at Alexis and scrunched his face up at her. “Burn, Alexis,” he said.
“Burn, Patrick,” Alexis said and winked at him.
“Okay, no, I am not loving this energy. It’s bedtime now. Go. Go to bed.” David turned Patrick by the shoulders and pointed him into their room. Alexis blew kisses at them both and went into her own room, shutting the door behind her. She snuggled under the blankets and stared up at the ceiling. She had to tell David something tomorrow. She couldn’t remember what it was right then, but somehow, she knew it would all be okay.
“Happy Pride, Alexis Rose,” she whispered into the darkness, and the sound of it made her smile.
