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"I don't feel like a boy," Will says. He’s surprised at how steady he was able to keep his voice. It felt like the second he finished his sentence a desperate waft of air was caught in his throat.
When his mind refocuses just in time to take in Mike's reaction and how his face is scrunching up like a pruney finger tip, the feeling only intensifies. He tries not to hyperventilate as he goes into defense mode and anxiously reminds Mike of what he promised just before Will confessed.
"You said you wouldn't get grossed out at me."
Mike shakes his head like he’s rebooting his dumb thoughts, and quickly tries to amend himself. "No! I swear I'm not. I just don't understand what you mean," he hurries out.
Great, Will gets to say it again. "I think I might not be a boy."
Mike fails to not squint his eyes again, but at least this time Will knows he's just trying to comprehend what he's hearing.
"Like I know I am a boy," Will tries to help him make sense of his confession. "Physically... at least. I just.. don't feel like one."
Mike's mouth opens slightly and he stutters a few times like he's trying to find the right words; and maybe he should've hesitated a bit longer, 'cause the ones that do come out aren't all that great. "Do you mean like.. how- like those guys dress up and pretend to be women?"
Will's ashamed at themself for having expected a better response. And now they’re sitting there like an open book, pages spilled open; and blinking back naive tears and trying not to cry. That's not even the worst part. If mike can't understand what a binary trans person is, how is he gonna get whatever the hell Will is going through.
"Nevermind."
"No. I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"
They sigh, hoping that Mike will keep an open mind and take what they say in understanding. "They're not pretending to be women. They are, they just... were born wrong. I mean not wrong as in they're wrong, just- some people don't feel the same way as their body is... I guess. If that makes sense."
"I mean.. not really, but..." Will represses a wince. "I guess I just haven't heard much about it." Damn; Will knew they were in love with Mike for a reason. But… that’s an internal crisis for another day.
"So, you think... you're that way?"
"That's where it gets more confusing… I don't feel like a woman either," Will says bitterly, hating the confusion he feels every waking moment.
"How is that possible?"
Mike doesn't even wanna begin to think about where that puts him in his own sexuality crisis. First he likes girls. Then he likes boys. Now the boy he likes isn't a boy? Anyways-
"I dont know!" Will whines and brings their hands up to the sides of their head.
"Well..."
"nhg- I don't know why I'm dumping this on you. I know you don't understand it either. I don't expect you to fix my problems. Don't worry about it, just forget I ever said anything."
"No! I mean, I'm sorry, you're right. I don't know how to help but… we're best friends, Will. You can tell me anything, anytime. Don't ever think that you can't." God, where was the Mike that would've just given him a gross look and dismissed him with an accidentally offensive comment. Will really forgets how much his best friend has grown, since the times when everything that was important to them were arcade games and D&D.
Will breathes in and nods. "Do- do you think I'm weird?"
"Will, you were always weird."
...
"Shit, I didn't mean- I meant that as a good thing. Everyone that’s awesome is weird! You'd be boring if you weren't! Ugh, I messed up. I'm not making any sense."
"I get it," Will tries to smile to reassure him.
Mike half sighs. "You're perfect, Will. No one is any less weirder than you."
Will laughs at his interestingly flattering choice of words, extremely comforted at the effort Mike's putting in to make him feel comforted. No matter how many dumb things Mike says, Will can always count on him to make him feel normal, and even safe. "Thank you, Mike."
"It's what I'm here for," Mike shrugs. "To say something stupid, make an ass out of myself, and hope it makes you feel better."
Will chuckles, and Mike looks at his watch to see it's getting really late.
"Do you wanna maybe tell me more about this some other time. You know, so I can understand more?"
Will smiles. "I'd actually really like that."
they go to sleep its a sleepover