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Kunikuzushi awakes to a loud gasp by his side.
He tries to go back to sleep, squeezing his eyes shut, but the other man makes another sound.
With a frown, he opens his eyes, turning slightly to glare at Ajax. “Stop being so loud,” he grumbles, but falters when Ajax throws the covers back and climbs off the bed, stumbling towards the washroom.
“...What’s wrong?” he asks, puzzled, before sitting up in bed and rubbing at his eyes.
“Don’t- don’t move,” comes Ajax’s voice from the toilet. “Or maybe you should get off the bed, whichever.”
Confused, Kunikuzushi’s gaze lands on the dark red patch on the mattress, and he understands immediately.
With another frown, he peels the covers back and peers between his own legs — nope, no dark spot there. He isn’t on his period, so.. it has to be Ajax’s.
Kunikuzushi climbs off the bed and sets off after him.
He finds his universe standing in the toilet, orange hair dishevelled and mussed, filling a pail with water and soap, before their eyes meet in the mirror.
“Need help?” Kunikuzushi offers, but Ajax waves him off with an awkward smile. “Nah, no, it’s fine, I can do it myself.”
Then, he adds, in a smaller voice, “Sorry for waking you up, I’ll change the sheets and you can go back to bed.”
Kunikuzushi raises a brow at him. “It’s natural.”
Ajax shakes his head, before looking away and dumping his soiled pants into the pail. “Yeah.”
Deflecting.
Kunikuzushi understands.
Without another word, he goes back to the room to tug the bedsheets off, leaving it on the ground before rummaging the cupboards for a fresh one. Then he pulls the new sheet on, tucking it nicely into the corners before he gathers the soiled sheet in his arms and heads towards the washing machines (and the extra toilet that they don’t really use for anything but cleaning).
Ajax pales when he sees Kunikuzushi set the sheets down.
“Hey, don’t- it’s okay, Kuni,” Ajax says, his voice tight, before he visibly tries to relax. “I swear. I can do it myself, I promise.”
Kunikuzushi stops, giving him a weird look.
Ajax reaches over to take the sheets out of his hands, but Kunikuzushi doesn’t let go when he tries to pry it from his fingers.
“What’s with you?” The older finally asks, pulling the poor material from Ajax’s suddenly lax grip.
“Nothing.”
“Stop lying, you know you suck at it.”
“Wow, how sweet you are to me. I love you too, Kuni.”
“Stop avoiding the question.”
Ajax shrugs again, crossing his arms.
Kunikuzushi doesn’t look at him when he says, “Go back to bed if there’s nothing wrong. I’ll come after this is done.”
The other man doesn’t move an inch.
Kunikuzushi sighs, dipping the bloody part into the soap water he’s prepared, before turning back to his idiotic boyfriend, “Look, I don’t really know what’s wrong, but I’m sure you’ll feel better if-” then he stops abruptly.
Are those tears in Ajax’s eyes?
On instinct, he stands up, wipes his wet hands on his shirt, and reaches up to cup his face in worry. A few tears leak free from Ajax’s eyes at the simple touch, his blue eyes closing and he takes a shuddering breath.
It must be the dysphoria. It has to be, Kunikuzushi can’t think of any other reason for him to be crying over his period.
“Who hurt you?” Kunikuzushi asks bluntly.
Ajax chokes on a watery laugh, his hands coming up to cover the older’s. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
After an unimpressed look, the younger caves slightly. “Someone.. misgendered me the other day.” After a small silence, he adds, “On purpose. I think.. they wanted to hurt me.”
And another moment passes in silence, before Kunikuzushi replies, “I’ll kill them.”
Ajax laughs again. “Yeah, that’s kinda illegal.”
A thumb on his cheek catches another one of his tears, that electric gaze flickering over his face. His heart hurts, it hurts so bad and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. He hates this. He hates his period, because it’s always just been another reminder of what he is: someone society never sees as “normal”, even if his mind knows that he is a man, his body disagrees whenever it can. And he hates that.
He hates that he can’t control his feelings towards someone telling him he’s something he’s not, that he’s wrong, that he’s not who he says he is — because being himself has always felt right, so how could it be wrong?
“Hurts,” he breathes, more of a gasp for air than anything else, the shameful tears running down his face now as he leans his face into Kunikuzushi’s warm, warm hands. “It hurts, Scara,” he mumbles, voice breaking, “hurts, bad. Why does it hurt? Feels bad, I don’t want.. don’t want…”
He used Kunikuzushi’s nickname from their friend group back then. Kunikuzushi pulls him down a little, pressing a long kiss to his forehead.
“Ajax,” he mutters, “I’m going to let go a little now, okay? Follow me.”
Ajax nods meekly, and Kunikuzushi holds his hands and leads them back to the room, where he urges him to lie down.
“Get some sleep now,” Kunikuzushi says, squeezing his hands. “I’ll wash your things and be back.”
The younger looks down at their still-joined hands, shivering a little. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, throat clogging up, “I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not a real man, Kuni. I’m-”
A hand presses against his mouth then, and he looks up to see a glare directed at him.
“Did you hear what you just said?” His boyfriend says, his eyes narrowed.
Kunikuzushi climbs onto the bed as well, ending up half in his lap, tilting his chin upwards to meet his wet eyes. “Ajax, if you don’t get that notion out of your head- fuck, what am I going to do with you?”
He presses their foreheads together, and they both close their eyes for a moment. Scara’s hands reach up to cup his face again, rubbing comforting circles into his skin before he says, “I don’t care what they assigned you at birth, it doesn’t matter anymore. Fuck what they tell you, fuck everyone who doesn’t respect you. What matters is that you are you. If you feel like a guy, you’re a guy. And whoever you are.. Ajax, I…” He takes a deep breath. “I still love you all the same.”
After a quiet moment, Ajax giggles, and Kunikuzushi frowns at him. “Am I that funny?”
Ajax laughs a little harder, crying at the same time, a little more than uncontrollable now that sobs break out of his chest and his laughter turns into ugly crying. “No,” he wheezes, trying to wipe the tears that keep falling and stop the shaking of his hands, “I love.. love you too, Scara.”
Kunikuzushi doesn’t speak a word after that, holding him until he’s calmed down, before giving him a peck on the lips and forcing him to lie down, drawing the warm covers over him and tucking it in at his sides. “You’re going to sleep until I tell you you can wake up,” he orders.
“What if you don’t tell me to wake up?” Ajax teases with a small, watery smile that twists something deep in Kunikuzushi’s heart.
He rolls his eyes, carefully tucking the pain away. “Don’t count on that. I need you alive.”
“Yes sir.” Ajax mock salutes him.
Kunikuzushi vanishes into the washroom to scrub his clothes clean, before chucking all of it into the washing machine, and then returning to the room after a quick wash of his hands. He returns to the bed to find Ajax in sleep.
Idiot, he thinks, using his fingers to brush and tuck a few strands of Ajax’s hair behind his ears, failing miserably when the stubborn pieces fall back into place. His fingertips ghost over Ajax’s cheekbone, then he leaves a small kiss on the tip of his nose.
In sleep, Ajax smiles slightly.
What a huge fucking idiot, Kunikuzushi thinks, with the smallest of smiles on his face.
“Scara!” Someone shouts, as the door slams open and someone stands in the overwhelmingly bright doorway.
The light turns on, making everything so much worse, and Kunikuzushi groans.
“Go away,” he grumbles, laying on his back and closing his eyes instead of staring blankly into the dark now.
Ajax scampers towards him, blinking at his spread out form on the bed. “Bad day?”
“Period started.”
His boyfriend makes an “ahh” sound of understanding, before hesitating. “Need anything?”
I need you to leave me alone, Kunikuzushi thinks dazedly.
“No.”
I need you to hold me.
Ajax hovers for a few seconds, with Kunikuzushi cracking an eye open to glance at him.
“Cramps?” Ajax asks instead.
Kunikuzushi gives the barest of nods.
And Ajax sets off to work, microwaving the stomach heat pack, making hot ginger tea that Kunikuzushi dislikes but admits helps with the pain. Even if only slightly.
He returns with his hands full of his “Scaramouche period care pack” that also consists of cookies and sweets hand-picked and carefully chosen by Ajax and approved by Kunikuzushi himself.
Ajax carefully peels Kunikuzushi’s shirt up to his stomach, before laying the heat pack over his lower abdomen. Kunikuzushi relaxes slightly into it, a small sigh leaving his lips.
“Tea,” Ajax says, holding the cup up for him to see, and Kunikuzushi grimaces.
“Later.”
Ajax gives him a look. Kunikuzushi shrugs. Then he repeats, “Later. I…”
He stares at him hard.
Ajax understands, but he raises his brows back. “Would it be that painful for you to use words and ask for once?”
“Yes,” Kunikuzushi bites out.
Ajax sighs, sliding to lie beside him. “My boyfriend’s such a tsundere.”
“Do you even know what that means?”
“I’d like to think that I do.”
“Hmph.” Kunikuzushi turns his face to press into Ajax’s neck the moment he draws close, breathing in the comforting scent of the idiot (love) of his life, like the stupid waves and books and everything Kunikuzushi likes.
An arm slides under his head and cradles him, another hand on his hip drawing him closer, careful not to let the heat pack slip.
After a few moments, Ajax moves back to peer down at Kunikuzushi’s face.
“You’re really pale…” he mutters, gently tilting his head back to catch more light for a better view.
Kunikuzushi frowns, tugging him back.
He nestles his face into the crook of his neck again, and his ragged breathing eventually calms, hands clenching at Ajax’s shirt between them.
“I'm tired,” the older says by way of explanation. “Hurts... a little.”
"A little" had to be one of the biggest understatements of his life.
But Ajax understands. Ajax holds him closer, throwing one leg over his hip and wrapping another arm around his back. He presses his face to Kunikuzushi’s hair, taking in deep breaths. His hands play with his hair, stroking it lightly, and Kunikuzushi melts into his touch, eyes drooping.
They fall asleep eventually, Kunikuzushi’s cramps becoming bearable to an extent with the most comforting thing he has ever received in his life wrapped so securely around him.
When Kunikuzushi groggily wakes up the next day, Ajax is missing from the bed.
He’s disoriented at first, until he spots a new cup of tea by the bedside, this time chamomile instead of ginger. He gulps it down, removing the heat pack and setting it down by his side.
Yesterday had been bad. Very bad.
His period started at work, cramps lasting the entire day before he finally got off work, stumbling his way home.
By the time he’d finished showering and all, he had no time to prepare for whatever self-care pack Ajax always had prepared for him for bad period cases such as these, flopping onto the bed and passing out there.
He’d applied for leave today, just in case his cramps didn’t stop.
Surprisingly, it does feel better now. Better than yesterday, at least.
Right. Ajax should be at work now, so the house is pretty much empty. He’ll be alone for the rest of today.
The thought makes him feel worse than it should. He almost considers calling him and asking him to come home faster, but that would only worry him. And it’s not something Kunikuzushi will ever do.
He’ll just have to bear this for a while.
But in the kitchen, he finds a plate filled with typical scrambled eggs (or omelette, he isn’t sure), piled with a lot of other food, and then bread by the side. There’s a note on the table that writes, Mouchie, remember to eat breakfast, hope u r feeling better! Periods are ew, cramps are bleh, breakfast is yay. Please eat up. Love you, Ajaxoxoxo
A smile splits his face before he crushes it down, but it fights its way back onto his face before he has to look away from the note to physically stop.
“I love you too,” he mutters, gingerly folding the note and tucking it into his pocket.
And, well, if Ajax’s asking so nicely…
He can only indulge him, right?