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Years and years of working twenty-four-hour shifts and being forced to wake almost immediately in the middle of the night thanks to an emergency had fine-tuned TK’s inner clock nearly to perfection. So when he briefly blinked his eyes open to the semi-darkness of their bedroom, he instantly knew that not only was it probably somewhere around three in the morning – but that there was also no real reason for him to be awake. He wasn’t on shift, his senses didn’t alert him to any sort of emergency, and he also knew an alarm hadn’t been set because they had the next day off.
There was, however, one thing that didn’t feel quite right – the missing body heat next to him. It wasn’t as if Carlos and he couldn’t sleep on different ends of their bed anymore, but it had certainly become uncommon. Which was why TK finally cracked one eye open for real, already dreading having to get up to pull Carlos away from the couch and any current case he might be working on. Thankfully, he didn’t have to look far, his fiancé still in bed with him, albeit leaning against the headboard.
He had half a mind of just turning around and going back to sleep, when he noticed the telltale frown on Carlos’ face. The one that always alerted him to Carlos overthinking.
Still too tired to really do anything, TK wiggled around until he could flop his arm over Carlos’ lap, startling the man, his little jump anything but subtle. He also buried his face into Carlos’ side, purring in appreciation when a gentle hand landed in his hair, softly stroking it.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” he heard Carlos say, his voice far too awake and alert for this time of night.
“ ‘s okay,” he reassured him as best he could, half his words probably lost in Carlos’ shirt. “You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Carlos answered right away. “Just… thinking, I guess.”
TK turned his head, just far enough to blink one eye at his man. “ ‘s late. Sleep?”
“I will, yeah. In a moment.”
Scrutinizing him for a few seconds longer, TK heaved a deep sigh and pulled himself up. Clearly, this was not something that would let Carlos rest soon. Forcing himself into a bit more wakefulness, TK pulled up and rested his chin on Carlos’ shoulder, taking a deep breath before he was finally alert enough to sit upright on his own.
“Tell me?”
Thankfully, Carlos didn’t even pretend to wonder what he was talking about.
“It’s silly, really. Just… some comments from earlier got me thinking.”
TK’s sleep-addled mind needed a second to digest that information, trying to put together what Carlos meant. Earlier…
They had been at a party earlier, one of Carlos’ old friends from high school throwing a big birthday bash to which he had invited approximately half of Austin. Carlos seemed happy for the chance to introduce TK to some of his old friends, so they went. They definitely had a blast, Carlos catching up with a lot of people from his past and TK learning so many new details about the love of his life.
At no point in the evening had there been any altercation or even a single snide comment, so…
“I think I need more details,” TK finally mumbled, battling with his eyes to stay open.
“You know… when we told them about how we got together? And you couldn’t help but hint at our ‘first fifteen minutes’?”
By the flirty smile on his lips, TK could tell that Carlos wasn’t mad about it, so he grinned back cheekily.
“They were questioning your spontaneity, babe. I had to defend your honor.”
The husky chuckle that escaped Carlos had TK’s heart all mushy and warm, and he didn’t hold back from his need to be closer, cuddling against Carlos’ side. Still, he thought back to the moment his fiancé was referring to.
One of his friends… Liz, if he remembered correctly, had said something TK couldn’t even put together anymore, and some others had chimed in, and before TK could stop himself, he had indeed hinted at their first hook-up within minutes after dancing their first dance together, the very same night they had met for the first time. TK was sure Carlos’ friends had said something about Carlos never picking up random guys, or maybe about how he was always so shy in high school. Something like that. Whatever it was, TK was certain it had warranted his cheeky implication.
Thinking back on it now, he remembered the group of friends being stunned, two or three of them even voicing their disbelief and that it was unusual for Carlos… but as far as TK knew, that had been the length of it.
“Do you think I made them uncomfortable with that?”
“No,” Carlos replied right away. “No, definitely not. But you noticed how stunned they were by that information, right?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, Liz – you know, the short one with black hair–”
“Yeah, she was your bestie back then, right?”
“More or less. So Liz cornered me in the kitchen later. Asked me if that story was even true…”
A bit more alert now, TK frowned at his man. “Why would they make such a big deal out of it?”
“It wasn’t exactly a big deal,” Carlos assured. “But Liz was always very open about sexuality and also very well informed. She was one of the first I could talk to about being gay. And… well, she’s also one of the few that knows that back then, I thought I was demisexual.”
“Huh,” TK replied, slightly stunned. Not completely surprised… more like… wondering how he himself hadn’t noticed before. “I never realized that. But given what I know about your exes and how all of your relationships usually started with friendships… yeah, makes sense.”
“You mean, it made sense.”
Frowning even more, TK tried to understand that correction, but no underlying meaning would come to him.
“What do you mean? Are you saying you’re suddenly not demi anymore?”
Carlos bit his lip and shrugged. “Well, that’s what I was pondering over. Or rather… wondering if maybe I used it as an excuse for all these years.”
Try as he might, the words confused TK even more and he wasn’t entirely sure if that was just because of the early morning hours.
“Babe… I don’t think I’m following you?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Given how quickly I let you seduce me–”
“Excuse me? I remember that a bit differently…”
Carlos gave him a wide grin, which TK sleepily returned, before he let him continue his explanation.
“Well, either way, given how quickly I slept with you…” Carlos stopped for a moment, brushing a hand through his hair. “Liz simply commented how maybe I had only been shy in my youth and we had been misled when trying to name my sexuality. Identifying as demi seemed natural and easy.”
Carlos shrugged again and TK could tell that even though he was doing his best to sound nonchalant about it all, this was truly bothering him. After a moment’s hesitation, Carlos went on.
“I’ve never really given it much thought after that but it was in the back of my mind all this time. Helping me not to think that I was broken whenever I wouldn’t take a random stranger home or would let someone down gently.”
TK was so focused on Carlos’ face, the hand touching his came out of nowhere. Nevertheless, he instantly grasped it with both his hands, holding on tight. Looking back up, he saw Carlos smile at him, his eyes sparkling with love and warmth, even though TK could still see an underlying question in them. As if something didn’t quite make sense for his fiancé.
“And then you came along and destroyed that whole concept.”
It was said with so much love and adoration, and TK was sure the chuckle was meant to lessen the blow – but neither stopped him from shaking his head, taking in what he had heard and trying to find the right words.
“Babe… you do know that nothing of what we did means you can’t identify as demi, right?”
Instantly, Carlos’ frown was back. “What do you mean?”
Probably the last thing TK had thought he would discuss at somewhere around three in the morning was his fiancé’s sexuality. But here they were.
“Carlos… demisexuality, for one thing, is a very gray area. It’s an umbrella term with a very, very large range. What fits one person certainly won’t fit the next.”
“I know that,” Carlos interrupted, only to stop himself and redirect, “Wait, but why do you know that?”
“Why do I know about demisexuality?” When Carlos nodded, TK chuckled, looking down at their intertwined hands before focusing on his fiancé again. “Babe, I was a gay kid in New York – believe me, if anyone knows anything about sexualities, it’s me.”
He didn’t mean it in a cocky way and judging by Carlos’ agreeing grunt, he got it. Growing up gay in New York certainly was different from growing up gay in Texas.
“Anyway,” TK went on, not dwelling on that for much longer. “What I was getting at is, demisexuality doesn’t necessarily mean you need to know the person you’re sleeping with inside out. Sure, all your other relationships came from friendships – which is certainly the easiest way to form an emotional connection. You know your friends, you trust them, it’s easy. But sometimes, a connection on another level is enough.”
“A connection on another level?” Carlos repeated, his frown back as he stared at him.
But TK nodded in affirmation. “Yes. Sure, we didn’t know each other for long – but can you deny that there was a connection between us right from the start?”
“I know there was,” Carlos whispered, lifting their hands to his lips to press a kiss to TK’s palm. A moment later, he dropped them back in his lap, eyes wide. “Wait, are you saying the connection between us was love at first sight?”
TK shrugged but didn’t try to hide his smile. “Maybe? I don’t know.” Thinking about it for a moment, TK remembered all he’d felt the first time he was in Carlos’ presence – but since this wasn’t about him, he wanted to make sure Carlos did the same. “Let me ask you this. What did you think of me when we first met?”
“That you were hot?” Carlos quipped right away, having them both chuckle before TK nudged him a little bit.
“Says the hot cop. No, come on, babe. Let’s be serious for a minute.” Disentangling one hand, he began to brush along Carlos’ arm as he brought him into the right direction. “What did you feel? What made you come up and talk to me that night out in the rain? And again later, asking me for a dance? And then following me outside and into the shadows?”
He could tell that Carlos was taking his time as he truly went back to that night, probably reliving the memories, before finally turning back to TK.
“That you were safe. That… I don’t know. That you were special. I just felt good in your presence. Comfortable and somehow… yeah, just… safe. You were like a light, drawing me in. And I knew I could be myself with you.”
TK smiled at him, his hand wandering up Carlos’ arm and along his neck, caressing him. Part of him wanted to apologize that for a while, he had ruined this picture of himself to Carlos – but again, this wasn’t what this conversation was about. So he refrained from that and instead answered with his own truth.
“I felt much the same. From the very first moment, I knew you would be special to me. Just being close to you made me feel good and forget about all the dark voices in my head for a while. And safe and comfortable are definitely the words I would use as well. I have never felt like that with another person, not instantly like that. So if even I could feel it with all those walls around my heart… then it’s no wonder that you could feel it too.”
“I could, yeah,” Carlos confirmed once more, looking down at their intertwined fingers, obviously deep in thought. TK didn’t push and after a moment, Carlos continued. “So, what you’re saying is… You’re simply my other half? And that’s why I was able to connect with you right away? Because you’re my person?”
Chuckling, TK leaned in until their foreheads rested against each other.
“I guess,” he mumbled. “Whatever you wanna call it, I know that it doesn’t count against you identifying yourself as demi – because we certainly had a connection right from the start.”
“It’s silly, isn’t it?” Carlos asked out of the blue instead of replying to TK’s statement. “It’s not like it’s important anymore or anything, now that we’re–”
“Whoa, whoa, hey. No,” TK interrupted, pulling back and cupping Carlos’ face in both his hands. “Don’t say that. Do you hear me? Of course it’s important. Every little part of your sexuality is!”
“But we’re together and–”
“So? Is it suddenly not important anymore that a person is bisexual when they’re in a relationship? Should a pansexual just not identify as such anymore once they’re bound to a person?”
“TK, those are–”
“All aspects of sexuality,” TK finished with conviction. “And you’re a demisexual gay man. That matters, babe. Your feelings matter. And don’t try to tell yourself that it’s not important when I find you awake in the middle of the night, questioning yourself. It’s obviously important to you – as it should be! It’s still a part of you and makes you who you are, no matter if we’re together or not.”
There was a single silent tear running down Carlos’ cheek, but he was smiling so wide TK almost didn’t notice. When their lips met, he gently brushed his thumbs along Carlos’ cheeks to wipe away the wetness.
“I love you,” was the first thing Carlos whispered when he ended their kiss, once again leaning their foreheads together. “I love you so damn much. Thank you.”
“I love you, too, babe. With all my heart.” Leaning back, he smiled at his man. “Any other doubts we should talk about?”
Huffing a little laugh, Carlos shook his head. “No, I think this was enough for one night.”
“Is three in the morning going to become our time for important talks?”
“God, I hope not,” Carlos groaned, letting his head drop down to TK’s shoulder as they both giggled a bit sleepily. But when he spoke next, there was no trace of joking left in Carlos’ voice. “Seriously, babe, thank you for this. I think I would’ve sat here all night, trying to figure it out on my own.”
Moving his head just far enough to press a kiss into Carlos’ hair, TK rubbed his hand soothingly up and down his back. “Anytime, babe. Anytime.” And with a grin, he couldn’t help but add, “And if it helps, I know one thing for sure; you’re definitely my person.”
Carlos’ chuckle shook his whole body as he leaned up and instantly found TK’s lips again for another kiss. But before TK could deepen it, Carlos pulled back with a cheeky grin and mischief in his eyes.
“You’re not just saying that so you can go back to sleep, right?”
Throwing his head back, TK laughed out loud but instantly fell back into their kiss when Carlos pulled him back in and then down with him, back into the warmth of their bed. Still, he didn’t let that keep him from mumbling, “I mean, maybe. Maybe,” until Carlos shut him up by deepening their kiss.
It was a long time before either of them thought of going back to sleep, their lips kiss-swollen and their hearts light; full of appreciation and love for each other.