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Maki wasn’t anxious about summer break. It was a lie, but she clung to it in a desperate bid to keep her dignity in check.
In the beginning, she was looking forward to the break. After lying to her superiors’ faces and working things out with Kaito, she’d managed to secure her freedom for the entire summer. She wasn’t going to return to the cult, to the hell that was her home. She’d be staying with Kaito and his grandparents, in a house full of warmth and light. What could possibly be better?
Time moved forward, the air grew warmer, and Maki basked in the light of her future. A future filled with summer training sessions, daily sleepovers, and a homey atmosphere she hadn’t felt… possibly ever.
And that was when it hit her.
Maki was going to be staying at Kaito’s for the entire summer. Maki was going to be staying at KAITO’S for the ENTIRE summer. And she had no idea what the hell she was supposed to do.
She’d never lived in a home before. She lived in a shitty orphanage and then an even shittier cult. She’d never had parents or relatives. She didn’t know how to act or what to do or what to say. She’d never even met his grandparents before.
She had to make a good impression, but how was she going to do that?! They’d come up to here and say, ‘Oh, you must be Kaito’s friend! Why don’t you tell us about yourself?’ and she’d say, ‘Oh, you know. I’m an orphan assassin. I’ve murdered more people than I can recall, I like long walks on lake shores in the morning, I know about fifty ways to kill you right this moment in less than a minute, and my favorite color is red. What about you?’
No. No, no, no, no. She’d have to lie. Lie her ass off for the entire summer. Guns? She didn’t know how to use them. No, she didn’t know where the carotid arteries were on a person and how to slash them open. She was Kaito’s normal, average best friend who just so happened to need a place to stay for the summer. That was it.
Even then, she still felt in over her head. Did she have to ask permission to do things? Could she turn on the tv to watch something without a thought or did she have to ask? Was she allowed to open the fridge? To take a walk without informing them? She’d never been to a friend’s house before. She’d never had a house of her own. She didn’t know any of the etiquette in this situation.
The anxiety was as scary as it was annoying. Being a nervous wreck was supposed to be Shuichi’s thing, not hers. Meanwhile, Shuichi was looking forward to the break possibly more than anyone else, desperately wanting to go home and show his Aunt and Uncle all the progress he’d made. To show them he finally understood that they cared.
It was nice. She was so happy for him. But did he have to transfer all his anxiety over to her!?
She felt so stupid. She was Maki Harukawa, the Ultimate Assassin! She’d turn a five-story building into a four-story one for fuck’s sake! She’d taken on ten armed opponents at the same time and won! She was a living weapon. A god damn menace! How was this fazing her?!
Clearly, she had gotten soft. Somewhere along the way, in between training sessions and stuffed animal tea parties, her cold, hardened heart had melted. At first, she honestly hadn’t minded too much. It showed her progress. Her willingness to make friends, to allow herself to be happy. Now though? Now she wanted to curse herself for letting puppy dogs and rainbows into her heart. Because how was she supposed to handle an entire summer with Kaito like this?
It didn’t help that her crush on Kaito really had only gotten worse as time went on. She wanted to call him an idiot, but that would be a lie. He wasn’t an idiot. He was so very smart and oh, did that do things to her.
Whenever he got to rambling about space it was like the entire cosmos entered his eyes. He’d drop words she’d never heard before like it was nothing, talked complex rocket science like it was no more than a footnote, and gushed about the beauty of the universe with so much sincerity that she couldn’t help but believe him.
He was kind and caring and far more intuitive than she could ever hope to be. He just knew what she or Shuichi needed at any given time. He knew the right things to say to get them out of their shells. To get them out of their heads. He was considerate, gave the best damn hugs, and was just so fucking stubborn.
You would not win a war of attrition against Kaito Momota. Maki had tried, back when she was distant and harsh and firmly believed she didn’t deserve a shred of kindness, and look how that turned out.
And while, at first, she couldn’t help but look forward to spending an entire summer with Kaito, in the quiet of her room she felt her face heat up. She’d been considering confessing for a while (seeing as both Shuichi and Kokichi had insisted she had nothing to lose) but suddenly that became so much more daunting.
If he rejected her how awkward would that be? Spending the entire summer attached at the hip after such a terrible encounter. No time to really be away from each other to sort things out, just constant contact every day. Oh, god. That would be a nightmare.
But then, how could she spend an entire summer with him and NOT confess? She’s pretty sure she’d die if she tried that. Especially if his grandparents dared to assume they were already dating. She’d been taught how to withstand torture. She could not withstand that.
Completely out of her depth and more than a little frustrated because of it, Maki found herself in Ryoma’s dorm. One of the few people in her class to understand the struggles she faced regarding ‘going home,’ she was the first person that came to mind.
“I get what you mean,” Ryoma stated in his low, deep timbre, “It’s hard to recall what you’re supposed to do when you haven’t done it in so long.”
“That doesn’t make it any less annoying,” Maki said, leaning against his bed frame, “It just makes me feel so… pathetic. That I’m getting worked up over this.”
“It probably does feel a little demeaning,” he agreed, “But that doesn’t change the fact that it makes sense.”
Maki groaned, “Yeah, well. What about you? You going back to your hell?”
Nobody had really asked Ryoma about his opinion on the break, too afraid of crossing some imaginary line. Nobody knew if he was going back to prison, but it was an unspoken agreement that that was the most likely option. And, with how drastically Ryoma’s mood dropped whenever his time in prison was brought up, everybody danced around the subject as best possible, desperate not to upset their friend.
Maki wasn’t one to dance around things. She’d lived in hell. He’d lived in hell. Sure, it was two different hells, but what good would a place like hell be if it wasn’t personalized?
Ryoma huffed, “Would you be surprised if I said no?”
“Really?” Maki raised an eyebrow, looking up at Ryoma from where he sat on the bed, “How’d that happen?”
“Apparently, after the little prison break fiasco earlier this year, the school’s been in talks with the Tokyo Correctional Precinct. Long story short, the prison I’d be going back to has recently gained itself a new member, and both parties were more than a little concerned about putting me in the same place as… him.”
There was no need to specify who ‘him’ was. They both knew. Still, Maki couldn’t help but be surprised. She knew they’d transferred him to a different prison, now with a much lengthier sentence due to the breakout and the murder attempt, but she hadn’t known it’d been there. It felt like a stupid decision, but then again, a higher sentence likely meant a prison for more serious criminals. And Ryoma’s crimes were nothing if not serious.
“Ouch. So what then?”
“Well there were talks of moving me to a different prison, but apparently they couldn’t agree on which. The school wanted to make sure it had resources for me to still practice my talent. The Precinct wanted to make sure it was high security enough. Long story short, they compromised for house arrest with an ankle bracelet and a radius.”
“House arrest? Do you still have a house?”
His whole family was dead. And seeing as he was in prison, and was expected to be there for quite some time, she couldn’t imagine him keeping the house that was left behind.
Ryoma shook his head, “Nope. Didn’t make sense to keep it. Besides, I couldn't stand the memories in that place. Sold it before I got locked up.”
“So where are you going?”
He sighed, “My old manager. The one I left my cat with. Don’t know how, but he must’ve caught wind of the whole thing. Convinced the school to let me stay at his place.”
“No shit.”
Now that was something. Everyone knew that Ryoma wanted nothing to do with tennis anymore. Or, he wanted to act like he wanted nothing to do with it. Kaede had looked over his shoulder once when he took out his phone in class, just to see him block a phone number. When asked who, he’d reluctantly revealed that it was a member of his old team.
“Yeah.”
“I thought you didn’t want to deal with any of them anymore,” Maki stated.
“I don’t. They don’t… need someone like me in their life anymore,” he sighed, “Still. Here we are.”
“So what are you gonna do?”
“Not much else for me to do. Far too late to change it now.”
Maki could understand that. It was far too late to change her mind about staying with Kaito. The break started next week. Not that she’d want to change her mind in the first place, though. For as unexpectedly stressful as it was, she’d still take it over going back to the cult for the summer. No doubt Ryoma was more than willing to sit through an awkward reunion with his old teammates then go back to prison.
“On that bright side,” she said, “at least you get to see your cat again.”
That brought a smile to his face. A small one, but all of Ryoma’s smiles were small.
“Yeah. If there’s one good thing about all of this, it’s that.”
Maki nodded and the two lapsed into a comfortable silence. The room was quiet, the walls were bare, and it looked as if Ryoma never bothered to add a personal touch to it. Exactly the way it was when he came in, she noticed an already packed suitcase in the corner of the room. As if he’d rather get the packing done too early than too late.
“…I just don’t want to fuck this up,” Maki said quietly.
“Fuck what up?”
“Everything. I don’t even think it’s the crush that’s bothering me anymore. I think it’s just… if I fuck this up does that mean I’m incapable of living a normal life? That something as simple as living in a normal house just… isn’t in the cards for me?”
Ryoma sighed, adjusting his position and getting out a candy cigarette to chew on, “I can’t answer all your questions. What I can say is that no one expects you to be perfect at something you just learned. Life is crazy and strange and most ‘normal’ people don’t even have a handle on it. So don’t beat yourself up over a few broken plates and remember that there’s always a broom and a dust pan in the closet.
Maki snorted, “Even in yours?”
Ryoma paused, “…Maybe. Even then, you can always go to the store and buy one.”
It was a stupid metaphor but maybe that’s what made it impact her. Maki recalled how, in the orphanage, breaking a plate was met with annoyed lectures and yelling. How, on more than one occasion, Aiko had gone out of her way to take the fall for a younger kid, if only to stop the tears welling in their eyes as the cook chewed them out.
But the broom was right there in the closet, wasn’t it? And you could always buy a new plate. So why did it have to be a big deal?
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” Ryoma said, “And, a word of advice? From someone who’s loved and lost? Act sooner rather than later. You never know… you never know how much time you have with someone.”
Maki thought of Aiko. Of her beautiful smile taken from the world far too soon. One she’d never get to see again.
“Yeah,” Maki breathed, “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it. Sorry for the unsolicited advice.”
“Hardly unsolicited if I came to you.”
Ryoma chuckled, “Fair enough.”
“Hey, Maki roll! You ready?”
Maki looked around the dorm room. Clothes packed away in her suitcase, books shoved into her backpack, the dorm room looked exactly the way she found it. Pristine and proper, a carbon copy of all the other dorms at the most elite High School in all of Japan.
When Maki Harukawa had first entered Hope’s Peak Academy, she hadn’t expected much. It, she was certain, would be as much of a prison as the cult was. Nothing had really changed.
God, had she been wrong. All because one stubborn man wouldn’t stop ringing her doorbell. All because a shy and timid detective had reached out to her and offered to share her burdens. Because an overly optimistic pianist refused to stop offering to play at her orphanage and bring a smile to the kids there. And because an annoying gremlin had wormed his way into her heart like the absolute asshole he was.
She hadn’t expected to make friends. She hadn’t expected to open up. To remember how to feel again. To feel anything but pain and sorrow. To smile and really feel it. To run her fingers over the soft faux fur of a puppy plushie named after her dead friend and feel the sweetness rise and coat over the bitterness.
She hadn’t expected to be happy again. She’d almost thought she was incapable of it. Funny, how so much could change in a year.
“Maki roll? Come on, we gotta move quickly if we don’t want to miss the train!”
“Coming!” she called back, grabbing her suitcase and wheeling it out of the room, closing and locking the door behind her, “You know, we wouldn’t have to worry about being late if you didn’t waste half an hour doing your hair.”
Kaito’s hand raised up to carefully touch his perfectly gelled locks, “I can’t just not do my hair! Besides, it gives me a glamorous celebrity vibe like this, doesn’t it?”
Maki shook her head, “Sure. Let’s go with that.”
“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!”
She smiled, “Nothing.”
Kaito opened his mouth to speak before getting interrupted.
“Hey guys,” a soft, quiet voice called out.
Shuichi hadn’t completely recovered from his injury, but he’d gotten to the point where he was able to talk again. Kokichi had left earlier that morning (apparently he lived relatively far away) and, just as promised, Shuichi had let him take the laptop with him. Maki had watched as Kokichi triple-checked that Shuichi didn’t still need it, smiling quietly as Shuichi reassured him he’d be fine.
Even Maki could tell that wasn’t a lie. Sure, his voice was far quieter than it was before, but it was there. She didn’t hear a lot of stress in it unless he actively raised his voice, and the modified training regime had done wonders for getting him back to a hundred percent.
“Shuichi!” Kaito called out, “Man, I can’t believe I’m not gonna see you till next fall.”
Shuichi chuckled, “We’re face-timing for training every night, Kaito. I’d hardly call that not seeing each other.”
Maki rolled her eyes. It was such a stupid decision, but she couldn’t help but like it anyway. Seeing as Maki would be staying with Kaito, it only made sense for them to continue their nightly training. But Kaito had absolutely refused to leave Shuichi out of it, so it was decided that the two of them would video call Shuichi every night for training.
It was so unnecessary and ridiculous, but that was Kaito. Always coming up with crazy ideas, especially if they’d bring smiles to both his sidekick’s faces.
“That’s different!” Kaito insisted, “Anyway, if you ever have some free time or in the area, don’t be afraid to stop by! I’m sure my gramps’ would be happy to have you!”
“Don’t just go unloading more people onto your grandparents,” Maki said.
“Oh, they don’t mind! Grandma loves having people over!”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Shuichi said, “Now, shouldn’t you two get going? I’m pretty sure your train’s gonna be leaving soon.”
“Oh shit!” Kaito blanched and grabbed Maki’s hand dragging her towards the exit, “See ya, sidekick! Call you tonight!”
“See you!” Shuichi whisper yelled.
One hand occupied by Kaito, the other by her suitcase, Maki couldn’t wave goodbye. Instead, she just shot him a smile. A wide one, as wide as she could muster without it feeling forced or strained.
“Good luck!” she said in place of a farewell and she knew it was the right choice when his smile widened and he pushed the brim of his hat up just a little.
“You too!” He called, voice a little louder before he gave one last wave and she was pulled through the door.
Good luck. For his conversation with his Aunt and Uncle. For her first impression towards Kaito’s grandparents. For a summer that would most certainly be different than any either of them had ever had.
And maybe it was Ryoma’s advice or Shuichi’s smile or Kaito’s hand on hers, but she wasn’t afraid of that anymore.
She recalled her conversation with Kokichi. How she’d found it stupid of herself to dare start to consider the Academy home. But maybe that wasn’t quite right. Maybe what she’d really started to consider home, were the people inside the Academy.
And if that was the truth? Well then maybe that wasn’t so bad after all.
“Hey, Kaito?” Maki said as she finally matched his pace and then exceeded it, becoming the one dragging him along to the train station.
“Yeah, Maki roll?”
“…Thanks.”