Chapter Text
the seven groupchat!!! (and reyna) (and nico) (and will) (and artemis for some fucking reason??) (til thalia and artemis share a phone)
(13:06, 12/09/22)
beauty queen: everyone in favour of rejecting their education and returning to caveman, say aye
literally hotter than you: aye aye
fun police: I’m quite fine as is.
beauty queen: okay fun police
fun police: …
fun police: @fish sticks Seaweed Brain, change my username back.
literally hotter than you: this one suits u better tho lolol
fun police: Leo.
literally hotter than you: just sayin
beauty queen: alright fine but
beauty queen: I will use my admin privileges to change it back if you help me with this
fun police: What do you need help with?
beauty queen: psci101essay.docx
beauty queen: i only went to uni for political science bc I thought I could charmspeak my way through it
beauty queen: didn’t expect to actually have to apply myself
fun police: How enthusiastic.
fun police: This is a big essay, and I’m not exactly a political science whiz myself. We’ll have to call so I can wrap my head around it.
beauty queen: aight gimme a sec
beauty queen started a call (13:14)
death king: do you fucking mind?
literally hotter than you: that’s what I’m saying! Literally scrolling through another server and I get tragically pulled away…
death king: not where I was going with that
death king: couldn’t you have just called in dms?
literally hotter than you: don’t expect rational thought from piper ever
literally hotter than you: that’s a lot of pressure to put on her
(18:36, 12/09/22)
fish sticks: estelle12/09/22.png
fish sticks: estelle says hi! :> i wake up from my midday nap and mom bombards my phone with like eighty pictures of her lmao
sugar mommy: Tell her I love her!!!
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: makes me wish i still had the pictures of jason when he was a kid
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: imagine a small blonde potato with stitches all over his upper lip
fish sticks: i'm pretty sure that jason as a kid looked pretty similar to will as a kid
fish sticks: babywill.png
fish sticks: bury this so he doesnt realise I still have that picture from when i was printing out the camp counselor boards
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: he does look a lot like jason did ur right
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: curlier hair tho lol
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: lmaooooooo.png
sugar mommy: Is that Lady Diana eating Taco Bell?
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: even hunters gotta eat sometime
xxTHUNDERBOLTXX: and you didn't hear it from me but she used to sneak out from council meetings to get taco bell with apollo like 20 years ago
fish sticks: wait thalia where are you
sugar mommy: That's really funny!
fish sticks: and what the fuck are you hunting
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: 1: somewhere in san fransisco and 2: crommyonian sow (hate this fucker)
fish sticks: holy shit i'm literally like 5 minutes away lol stay there
sugar mommy: Also, how am I supposed to 'bury' the picture of will? Even if I put my phone in the ground, surely he'd be able to see it on his phone?
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: bury= send a bunch more messages so it's really deep and it doesn't show up right away when you open the chat
sugar mommy: Ohh, that makes more sense!
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: percy can you bring money phoebe doesn't wanna pay again
fish sticks: arent u literally sitting next to a god
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: the moral code is the moral code perseus
fish sticks: if that was true wouldn't you have tried electrocuting me three (3) less times in my life by now
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: is that a yes or a no?
fish sticks: yeah but you owe me hard
(19:02, 12/09/22)
death king: @fish sticks you'll also like these
death king: wills5thbirthday.png
death king: apollodoesbabywillsnails.png
death king: willfivesecondsbeforeishothimintheasswithapaintballgun.png
Sunshine Boyfriend: Babe! This is legitimate betrayal!
death king: that's what you get for getting your entire fucking cabin to wake me up from my nap
death king: i would've killed them all if i had the energy to do so
Sunshine Boyfriend: Ur not that scary :o
death king: watch me
death king: also @fish sticks r u still at taco bell
fish sticks: yeah why
fish sticks: dabrosandartemisig.png
death king: hold out ur taco
fish sticks: aight
fish sticks: bruh
death king: thank you!
Sunshine Boyfriend: You'd better not have done what I think you just did...
death king: shadow travelling for free food is good shadow travelling
Sunshine Boyfriend: I'm coming over.
death king: i assumed you were coming over anyways but ok
death king: say hi to mrs o'leary for me
(01:24, 13/09/22)
Furry bait: Do you ever wonder if animals would see nature documentaries as, like, porn?
Furry bait: I just tried out watching one on tigers as a tiger but i couldn't get into the right mindset
beauty queen: frank honey it's 1am
Furry bait: Had to finish the documentary. Why are you up, anyways?
beauty queen: essay writing
Furry bait: Ah, got it. Good luck!
beauty queen: thanks, gods know i need it lol
(10:19, 13/09/22)
beauty queen: annabeth what happens if i dont turn it in
fun police: You fail the course, most likely.
beauty queen: not if i charmspeak the professor into giving me an indefinite extension
fun police: You wouldn't.
beauty queen: come stop me
fun police: I'll be at your class in five.
beauty queen: WAIT FUCK
beauty queen: @superman @fish sticks @literally hotter than you HELP
literally hotter than you: pipes im in class dummy
literally hotter than you: but ahh oh no annabeth dont do it! you'll set off the bajeebies
fun police: Leo.
literally hotter than you: aight can't say i didn't try
beauty queen: ffs
beauty queen: @fish sticks for the love of god tell your best friend not to murder me
fish sticks: i thought she was your best friend now hmm?
beauty queen: REALLY not the time
fun police: Not the time, Seaweed Brain.
fish sticks: anyways, ur in ny, i'm in ca, what do you want me to do lol
beauty queen: something????
fish sticks: one sec
beauty queen: ok?
beauty queen: ...
fun police: I'm outside.
beauty queen: can we wait for percy's 'one sec'?
fun police: fine
fun police: It's been ten minutes.
fish sticks: I'm still trying hold on
superman: Okay, what the fuck's going on? Percy made the shower explode on my face.
fish sticks: wetjason.png
fish sticks: tastefully censored by yours truly
beauty queen: LMAO convince annabeth not to kill me ty
superman: :[
superman: You deserve it.
beauty queen: BETRAYAL
beauty queen: FROM MY OWN BEST FRIEND!
fun police: Oh, I see how it is.
beauty queen: WAIT FUCK BETH PLEASE
fish sticks: rest in peace?
superman: rip
superman: Can you fix the shower now?
fish sticks: done
(12:30, 13/09/22)
beauty queen: alive.png
beauty queen: I LIVE!!!
superman: Shame.
beauty queen: :(((
beauty queen: @literally hotter than u lunch? ur my only friend that seems to actually like me
literally hotter than u: ur on
(14:49, 13/09/22)
Reyna: Hello, everyone. How is everyone's day?
death king: will.png
death king: gay gay homosexual gay
fish sticks: amen
beauty queen: heard that
Reyna: What an inspiring speech.
sugar mommy: Frank and I have to hold war games today :s
sugar mommy: I know nobody should end up getting hurt but it still makes me wary every time...
Furry bait: don't worry, nothing will go wrong.
Furry bait: as long as lavinia actually shows up that is!!!
death king: i still have no clue who that is but i feel like i'd love her
Reyna: Do gay people just naturally magnetise together like that?
beauty queen: this chat is, like, living proof
Furry bait: isn't it just you, nico and will?
beauty queen: definitely not
sugar mommy: Is this what they call desperate pining?
death king: definitely
Reyna: Are we talking about who we think we're talking about?
beauty queen: i have no idea what ur talking about lol
Reyna: Oh, definitely.
Reyna: @fun police
beauty queen: IS NOBODY ON MY SIDE HERE???
literally hotter than u: i am
beauty queen: thank you leo I love you
beauty queen: anyone else????
fish sticks: helpthischathasbeenburied.png
fish sticks: helpthischathasbeenburied.png
fish sticks: helpthischathasbeenburied.png
fish sticks: helpthischathasbeenburied.png
fish sticks: helpthischathasbeenburied.png
fish sticks: from one gay to another
beauty queen: thank you perseus
beauty queen: wait what
fun police: Am I missing something?
Reyna: Oh, definitely not.
fun police: hmm.
fun police: For the record, I'm bisexual.
beauty queen: ?????????
Private Message: Piper >>> Percy
(15:04, 13/09/22)
Piper: did you just come out in the mf gc??
Percy: kind of ig lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Piper: since when?? you were literally so whipped for beth for so long lmao
Percy: kind of since forever i guess
Percy: i love beth but after the initial euphoria of dating wore off
Percy: i guess i realised that i never really saw her in that way and i just started dating her because everyone expected us to
Percy: she is the single most important person in my life and i would die for her in a heartbeat
Percy: but not in a coupley way, in a found-family best friends way
Piper: mood
Piper: i remember when everyone was trying to push me and jason together but i realised after a while i just wanted him to be my best friend
Piper: the heteronormative beliefs into gay pipeline is strong with these ones
Percy: definitely haha
Percy: honestly though, breaking up with annabeth was really relieving
Percy: she'd felt the same way about it and it was like this huge stressor on our relationship was lifted
Percy: especially after the place which shall not be named
Piper: i'm glad you two got closer from it (?)
Piper: i'm also glad you broke up because she's mine 🗡️
Piper: what do you identify as btw?
Percy: fuck knows
Percy: 'boys' i guess
Percy: also good luck
Percy: i can never really tell with beth but i'm pretty sure she likes you back? she does like girls so
Piper: that's funny
Piper: also did u know she was bi already and didn't tell me????
Percy: i wasn't just gonna out her like that lmao
Percy: but yeah we talked about our sexualities the night we broke up
Piper: cool >:)
Piper: anyways i'm going to go and try to get a girlfriend then
Piper: good job being gay, keep it up
Percy: you too :p
Private Message: Nico >>> Percy
(15:07, 13/09/22)
Nico: gay gay homosexual gay
Percy: short
Nico: 🖕
Nico: how the fuck did I have a crush on you for so long and not realise you were gay
Percy: probably the forced heteronormative situation i was in
Nico: true
Nico: i hope you get that superman dick soon enough
Percy: ???
the seven groupchat!!! (and reyna) (and nico) (and will) (and artemis for some fucking reason??) (til thalia and artemis share a phone)
(17:44, 13/09/22)
superman: siblings.png
superman: Guess who just got mauled by a giant boar
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: just be glad you're alive
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: some of the hunters would've shot you on the spot if you weren't my brother
superman: How flattering!
superman: Frank, Hazel, we're down by the healers. Come say hi!
sugar mommy: shadow travelling in 3
sugar mommy: 2
sugar mommy: 1
Sunshine Boyfriend: Hazel Levesque dont you fucking dare
superman: hazel.png
Sunshine Boyfriend: @death king Why would you teach her how to do that????
death king: she figured it out by herself
death king: never been more proud
sugar mommy: :D
fish sticks: oh my fuckign god jason you IDIOT
fish sticks: do you still want me to make you dinner or are you not coming back to the apartment
superman: Nah come down to the mess hall and eat with us
fish sticks: ugh
fish sticks: making me walk
superman: Please?
fish sticks: fine
superman: :D
sugar mommy: I'll go fetch him!!
Sunshine Boyfriend: Hazel Levesque as your honorary brother-in-law you are not allowed to shadow travel without a doctor's note
death king: fuck off
death king: don't worry hazel i'll pick up percy
sugar mommy: Okay!!
Sunshine Boyfriend: all of my hairs
Sunshine Boyfriend: gone by 25
(03:44, 14/09/22)
beauty queen: @fun police
beauty queen: i finished the essay
death king: 4am#
beauty queen: shut the fuck up
beauty queen: aren't you like 12? go to bed
death king: monopolywithpluto.png
death king: no concept of time in hell
beauty queen: how the hell did you manage to make your dad mellow out so much
death king: amazing what happens to a god when his family treats him like family
death king: speaking of which @sugar mommy
death king: frank is invited to christmas
sugar mommy: That's great to hear!!!
beauty queen: you're awake too??
sugar mommy: pictureofmyselfnicofatherandpersephone.png
sugar mommy: No concept of time in hell!!!
(10:08, 14/09/22)
literally hotter than u: just set the designing lab on fire
literally hotter than u: shouldn't have put me in a room with 20 people with blowtorches
beauty queen: i handed in the essa
beauty queen: leo what the fuck
beauty queen: i can see it from my fucking lecture hall????
literally hotter than u: methinks the blame should be on the empousa that we killed last week
beauty queen: makes sense
fun police: Leo, I'm covering for you. You're lucky that Professor Kaur likes me.
literally hotter than u: i would die for u beth
beauty queen: same!!!
fish sticks: third that
fun police: How sweet.
(14:59, 14/09/22)
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: Son of Hades, are you still in the Underworld with your father?
superman: sis u ok???
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: I think that you should address me with more respect, brother.
death king: lady artemis. i'm kneeling but you can't see since we're texting so i kind of look like an idiot
death king: but yes, i am currently still at residence with father. do you need assistance?
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: Yes, I do. We lost a hunter in the fight with the sow yesterday. I would just like to ensure that she arrived in Elysium.
superman: shit sorry lady diana
death king: name?
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: Anisa Mueller.
death king: elysium
death king: i can remind dad to make a deal where all ur hunters get a fast track
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: If Lord Hades is willing, I would be honoured.
death king: consider it done.
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: Thank you, Son of Hades. You are greater than other men.
death king: yeah bc i dont waste my time being a dumbass trying to impress girls
death king: why is it every guy you like is gay
death king: because i get the whole hating straight men thing but aren't you supposed to hate all men
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: I do not hate men, I would just rather they don't interact with me.
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: Also, as for your question, it probably started with Apollo.
death king: true enough
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: I will be returning the mobile to my lieutenant now. Thank you for your assistance.
superman: say hi to dad for me!!!
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: she better not fucking take us to say hi to dad
death king: welcome back thalia
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: yo
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: also how does she not realise that i'm leader of the 'has the worst dad' club
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: consisting of myself, annabeth, and apollo for some reason
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: jason u should join we have not a single good parent
superman: I'll consider it.
Reyna: How to join the 'has the worst dad' club?
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: idk ask me nicely
Reyna: Let me in.
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: aight bet
Reyna: :)
Private Message: Piper >>> Percy
(18:13, 14/09/22)
Piper: gold or silver for beth go
Percy: leather
Piper: good decision
Piper: do you think she even realises it's a date
Percy: wait what
Percy: piper i am not smart explain to me
Piper: we're going on a 'study date' tonight
Piper: i have been flirting with her for over a year at this point and she still hasn't realised
Percy: sounds like her
Percy: i'll ease her into it
Piper: thank you
Piper: also, jason's into sk8er boi stuff so you have that covered lol
Percy: but he's straight haha
Piper: percy he has a fucking crush on you
Piper: straight guys do not talk about their bros so much or in such detail
Piper: he thinks ur ass looks good in skinny jeans btw
Percy: ???
Percy: are you bombarding me with all this now that i came out
Piper: yes i am
Piper: i have been dealing with this nerd being in denial with having a crush on his best friend for one (1) year and now i finally have the chance to help him make a move
Percy: dude
Percy: i appreciate the idea but i dont think it's the best idea if he actually dates me
Percy: besides he's straight, its not good to speculate on people's sexuality
Piper: ugh ur right
Piper: fine. tell annabeth its a date xoxo
Private Message: Percy >>> Annabeth
(18:27, 14/09/22)
Percy: have fun on ur date
Annabeth: it's a date?????
Percy: that's what piper told me to clarify with you
Annabeth: fuck fuck fuck i should've done my hair
Percy: since when do you care about your hair?
Annabeth: since i realised piper probably had a crush on me
Annabeth: yes i will have fun on my date seaweed brain now stop distracting me
Percy: lmao have fun wise girl
the seven groupchat!!! (and reyna) (and nico) (and will) (and artemis for some fucking reason??) (til thalia and artemis share a phone)
(20:48, 14/09/22)
Sunshine Boyfriend: @everyone Gay people assemble
death king: present
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: can i spectate?
Sunshine Boyfriend: Of course.
Sunshine Boyfriend: @beauty queen Where the FUCK are you
fish sticks: she's on a date
fish sticks: also am i invited to the gay meetings now
Sunshine Boyfriend: Yeah you are
Sunshine Boyfriend: ALSO SHES ON A DATE???
fish sticks: apparently my coming out made them stop skirting around their feelings so i can be the resident oblivious gay
death king: passing on the torch?
fish sticks: you got it
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: you're trying to fuck my brother aren't you
fish sticks: well yeah, who wouldn't wanna fuck apollo?
Sunshine Boyfriend: That is my father you're talking about
fish sticks: yeah, well he's a fucking dilf then
death king: will? u ok?
Sunshine Boyfriend: Di Angelo, shadow travel me to New Rome so I can personally punch him in the face.
fish sticks: okay i'm going into hiding cya all later!!!
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: don't die
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: or do i don't really care
(23:03, 14/09/22)
death king: bloodypercy.png
death king: this is retribution
fish sticks: hey last time i had a nosebleed i awakened gaea onto the world
fish sticks: this probably wasn't the best idea
xxTHUNDERBOLTxx: LMAO
Furry bait: holy shit are you okay???
fish sticks: yeah bro don't worry, nothing a shower can't fix
fish sticks: but also jason i'm sorry in advance
(08:19, 15/09/22)
superman: PERSEUS WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THE APARTMENT LAST NIGHT????
death king: and we call him the stable one
Reyna: Jason is a lot of things, stable is not one of them.
Reyna: It's just that compared to the rest of us, he seems like a saint.
superman: perseus jackson i am going to fucking kill you
fish sticks: will started it!!
Sunshine Boyfriend: no the fuck i didn't you did
Private Message: Artemis >>> Reyna
(08:32, 15/09/22)
Artemis: technically, i started it
Reyna: And you're not taking any responsibility, right Thalia?
Artemis: of course not
Artemis: that's one thing i got from dad lmao