Chapter Text
Nothing in this world made sense. It was as though Primus and Unicron had reversed their rolls but had tried their best at each other’s jobs, only to lead to twisted and unfamiliar ways of life. It may have been the same world it had been nine some-odd millennium ago (if one’s world constitutes nearly fathomless galaxies and planets) and it was filled with many of the same beings. At a purely molecular level, everything was exactly in the place it should be. Still, it did not feel right.
So much had happened since he... Since he had slept, for lack of a better term. Really it was less of sleeping and more of an involuntary stasis. The doctor who had defrosted him, a somewhat salty Cybertronian named Ratchet, had told him he was surprised he'd even survived. Skyfire had been just as bewildered but for completely different reasons. To start, what had he survived? The last he remembered he'd been out scouting with his dear friend... And then... Crashing? Yes, crashing. Of course, being the size that he was, clumsiness was a given sometimes.
Over some time, more memories surfaced just as he did from the ice. He had been consumed by coldness, lost in a sea of white (which was all too inconvenient given his own alabaster sheen.) He was too deep for his flying partner to hear him, and growing too cold to keep calling out. It wasn’t shutting down... It was like losing yourself one piece at a time; bit by little bit. He tried to explain all this to Ratchet, who shook his head and went on about permanent system damages from being exposed to the cold for far too long. Skyfire smiled and let the (smaller) bot explain all he liked, but so far the only system damage he seemed to notice was a bit of a st-st-sta-stammer. Besides, he had been in a similar field to the doctor before he’d been frozen. While he was certain they’d come leaps and bounds in their research, he knew most of what Ratchet had been saying; it just seemed to make him feel better to let him go on about it.
But all that was the least of his concerns... The very least.
There had been a war. A Great War, or at least as great as any battling could be. Things had been more than a little tense just before he’d gone under the ice, but he’d never expected this. As a scientist and a fairly peaceful person, Skyfire longed for non-violent resolutions to all life’s problems. And yet, the more he heard about the conflict the more he understood why it had happened. (Understood. He understood why it had happened, but he was far from condoning it.) He learned more about the factions involved as well. This Ratchet fellow as he had found out was a member of the Autobots. Their cause was kind enough, and he was glad to be found by them... Although, there seemed to be some sort of misunderstanding. Well, not “some sort,” really. It was a very clear cut and definite misunderstanding (one of the rarest variety.)
It was as follows: when he had inquired where Starscream was Ratchet had given him a very... curious look. He had then gone on with language and euphemisms that had not been around when Skyfire had last been online. It became rather difficult to follow him, though he seemed to pick up the jist of it.
"...That scrap heap!" Ratchet continued to growl, giving Skyfire another checkup. One could never be too careful with a patient in a possibly delicate condition (not to mention the doctor’s obvious curiosity as to how Skyfire was pulling through so well.) "Starscream! An Autobot! Really, I can't begin to explain to you why that's so wrong!"
“I don’t underst-st-st-stand.” Skyfire had insisted, still racking his brain as to how Ratchet had formed such an opinion. “St-St-Sta-Starscream was always s-s-s-so... He was a dear friend. The people of Vos adored him.”
“A politician? I should have known... That bot is as repugnant as they come. No wonder he was always vying for power within the Decepticons! Lift your arm, would you.”
“Vying for... That doesn’t make any s-s-sense. He always did things with great honour.”
“Honour? Honour?” Ratchet just shook his head and waved one of his great servos dismissively. “There’s not enough honour in that con to fill a thimble! Now, really, lift your arm I need to scan your side.”
“A... Thimble? Is that more s-s-sl-slang?”
At that point the ornery doctor made a face indicating a strong desire to claw his own optics out, and grumbled at great length about having spent too humans. That was fine, or as fine as it could be. Skyfire sighed and allowed himself to be poked and prodded for the seemingly hundredth time over the course of a few orbital cycles, waiting patiently. He was certain he’d find things out in due time.
Due time arrived shrieking, as is the only way Starscream ever arrives.
Even deep in recharge, there was no mistaking that voice. Skyfire’s optics came online faster than he could recall in his recent memory and he sprang to his peds. For a moment he was terribly disoriented - hearing Starscream’s voice he almost forgot that he wasn't on Cybertron. But the unmistakable rattling of Ratchet’s roar quickly brought him back to the present. He was rushing towards their voices before he even knew where his peds were taking him, nearly forgetting to duck to get through several door frames. Hallways became labyrinths as he listened to the shrill Starscream and cantankerous caretaker’s voices, stumbling into rooms he didn’t even know existed. (That being said, Skyfire was well aware that he didn't know half the rooms the Autobot’s base contained.) This process repeated once more, twice more, and just as he was beginning to fear Starscream was going to leave Skyfire became part of one of the galaxy's strangest and most fragile social interactions.
There is a seldom observed occurrence in the natural and unnatural world. It stems from a commonly used human phrase that Skyfire had only just been introduced to. That phrase being “the Elephant in the Room.” Normally that phrase refers to a rather large issue that no one wants to talk about. However when the phenomenon of the same name occurs, something (or perhaps someone) of a phenomenal size becomes virtually invisible to all else in the room.
Had they not been categorized within “all else” in this particular instance, both Ratchet and Starscream may have found the occurrence rather interesting.
“... AND IF YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH PERFORMING SOME SICK EXPERIMENT YOU BUCKET OF--” Starscream hurled insults across the room, arms raised with needle like missiles pointed directly at Ratchet. Everything about him was rigid and tense; he was prickling with rage.
“SICK EXPERIMENT, WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, A DECEPTICON? You only would have corrupted the great lug, anyways!” Ratchet seemed content to stay where he was, posed in front of the space/ground bridges’ control module.
“CORRUPTED? CORRUPTED? YOU DARE ACCUSE ME OF--”
“I DON’T HAVE TO ACCUSE YOU OF ANYTHING, YOU--”
“--SCRAP HEAP--”
“--FRAGGING--”
“--WORTHLESS--”
This was an entirely new sensation to Skyfire, who stood helm and shoulders above nearly everyone else. He found himself trying to be quiet, despite having just run through the hallways with no concern for how much noise he made. Now he felt himself frozen, perhaps in awe or perhaps in a new found shyness. In either case he found himself motionless, all but his spark which seemed to pulse under his chest plate.
Starscream was... different, but he was still undeniably him. He was just as thin as before, but that felt like the wrong word. Slender, maybe. Something more... Lovely. Lovely? Was that what he saw in him? Certainly he was more delicate than other bots, more angular? No, that was the wrong word again. Skyfire’s optics flickered over him and he felt his mouth open and close as the two other bots bickered. Maybe Ratchet was right about those long term affects; certainly his knees felt weaker, and his mind was stalling. Stalling, and yet racing faster than it ever had before. He wanted to speak! He wanted to run over and scoop his friend up in his arms and tell him that he was so glad to finally see a familiar face! He wanted to, but somehow couldn’t seem to will himself into taking more than one step.
But then, sometimes one step is all it takes.
It was as though the world had gone silent just long enough for Skyfire's behemoth like step to ring through the bunker's stale air. Both bickering voices stopped and turned to look at him, but the only one to change their Expression was Starscream. Ratchet continued to grit his teeth and look just as (or perhaps a little more) displeased with the situation than he had just seconds ago. The lithe Decepticon, however, looked torn between being awestruck and horrified. His mouth hung open, red optics wide and... Watery, perhaps? His aggressive body language skidded to a halt, quickly being replaced by anxiety. That look grabbed hold of Skyfire's spark like an icy servos, and he couldn't help but feel like he was trapped behind another sort of glacier.
"St-St-St...Starscream," He began, almost startled by the sound of his own voice. He could feel himself trying to smile, taking another step and reaching towards his dearest friend. "I've... I'm..."
He wasn't quite sure what he was going to say to the other bot, and he wouldn't have the chance to find out. Not this time at least. In a very Starscream fashion, the seeker turned on his heels and ran out of the Autobot base, exiting through the open overhead door. The larger bot stumbled after him, only to catch the tail end of an elegant flip as the jet darted away into the desert sky. It was a matter of moments before Ratchet came up beside Skyfire, who seemed intent on standing and watching the other bot leave.
"What... Are you doing?! You can fly! Why are you just standing around here, you could go after him!" The doctor boomed as the larger bot continued to look after Starscream; his optics tracing the thin trails left in the jet's wake. Ratchet looked between him and the quickly disappearing Decepticon, shoulders sagging as he shook his head. "Fine. No, it's fine. You shouldn't be flying right now anyway. You're probably not fully recovered."
As the doctor reached his own conclusion he stepped back inside, muttering and mumbling to himself about how he had to stay on earth. He had to be noble and make a split second decision. He would occupy himself like this for quite some time. Skyfire had observed that the doctor had picked up the habit of talking to himself as though no one was there. It seemed that he was very much so used to being left alone with his work, and that all this came as a fairly annoying disturbance. That didn't entirely matter at the moment, however. All Skyfire could do was stand and watch as his friend vanished into the distance. But if he knew Starscream, and he did know Starscream, he would be back when he felt it was safe.
Skyfire just hoped that would be soon.
¤⇍◎⇏¤
Starscream could have gone on flying for the rest of his life, he could have gone to Cybertron and back and not have broken a sweat. He could have, but as things stood currently he didn't have any particular course, he was just flying to fly. To escape. As per usual. He could feel the energon in his veins boiling with... With... Well, it had been rage when he'd first hunted down the Autobot's base. In fact, it had been more than rage.
He had never felt so livid, so bitter in all his life. It was clean and precise, like nothing he'd ever felt. It had given him a cause, and a destination amid so much confusion and he was brutally precise. But now? Now for all the distance he could fly, he found himself clumsy. Up drafts and air currents suddenly became unreadable, unmanageable, and left him flying like a fledgeling. He was beyond grateful that he was alone so no one else could see this. Alone... So totally alone. He had lead a lab of scientists, he'd led all of Vos for Primus' sake! But he had failed to lead the Decepticons... Failed on... Several occasions. He preferred not to think about that.
But then, it wasn't as though Megatron had really done any better in the long run. At least there had been two escape pods when everything finally fell apart. Though falling apart was the understatement of the year, if not the millennium. Falling implied that things were meant to happen that way, that it had drifted like leaves on the wind as opposed to shattering into a thousand irreparable pieces. He could have gone back to Cybertron or one of its moons, certainly that's where Shockwave had gone but he couldn't bring himself to be so close to his defeat. Finally, he was ready to give up, to resign himself to... to... well, something. The whole process of "resignation" and "closure" didn't entirely sit well with Starscream, to be perfectly honest (which was something else quite rare indeed.) He had thought at first of venturing deeper into space, to find some distant group of Decepticons and assuming leadership there.
But he couldn't... He just couldn't. The only place he had any comfort left was beside his fallen friend; Skyfire.
He'd lost him so, so long ago. He was the first in a long, long line of losses in truth. Somewhere along the line he had been aware of losing bits of himself as well, and then somewhere else he'd stopped caring. Survival became more important than integrity; a lesson driven home by Autobots and fellow Decepticons all too many times. His ambition eventually made him untouchable, and his impatience made him a fool. But, it had all helped him to forget, and eventually Skyfire was a memory almost too distant to recall. Almost was a key word in that. When all these absurd affairs had begun on earth his spark had jumped behind his chestplate. He tried to forget what had happened here, immerse himself in any and every scheme that could occupy his mind. It worked, for a time. But temptation lead him back to the Arctic again and again and again. When he was... unceremoniously let go from the Decepticons, he would fly over it in hope of some sign. Something, anything that might indicate that he had a companion somewhere in this vast, unforgiving world. He was, to the surprise of some, not a solitary creature. No, not at all. Solitude was infuriating, maddening, it was... well, in truth, it was unbearably lonely.
But then, against all hope, he found something. Between clones, the (temporary) loss of his T-Cog, Megatron, and all else somehow he'd found him. Skyfire was exactly as he remembered him, ah, well, apart from frozen. Starscream had not the knowledge to revive him, and the cold drove him out after some time. It was spark breaking to leave him again, but he made a note of his coordinates, one that he kept buried deep in his mind. Even when his mind was probed by Megatron, he kept Skyfire safe - kept him from becoming a pawn. They were the coordinates he used when it came time to land his pod... He'd chosen to be with his companion once more. There was nothing for him out there, it'd be better to face an eternal, icy slumber than to face an empty world. But it had taken him quite some time to make it back to earth without a space bridge and when he had arrived...
Where Skyfire had been, there was a hole in the ice... The imprints of his friend still left in the remains of his frigid prison. He had lost him again.
No. Not again. Never again.
It was a tireless search, it took him just under a meta-cycle to put everything together. It would have been sooner if he had just given into the base instinct to just take whatever information he wanted... But no, that wouldn't work. He'd seen how these filthy humans would defend their crumbling, wretched planet. And so everything was done with the utmost stealth and then, at long last, he discovered the old Autobot base. What he would have done to get his servos on its exact location before all this... But now, there were more important things. When that thought came to him it was a dreadful shock; it had been a very long time since he valued anything more than the conquest for power. It had been even longer since he found himself unafraid to face combat against an unknown number of foes.
Luckily, it seemed to just be one very cantankerous Autobot: Ratchet. He'd seldom encountered the other bot, and was quick to be thankful for it. It was rare to meet someone stubborn enough to rival Megatron, but this happened to be the bot to do it. When their arguing became heated and near the point of a fire-fight... he came in. Starscream didn't know how long Skyfire had been waiting there, but just seeing him alive again was almost too much. By the Allspark, he was beautiful. That was the only word there was to describe him. From his gleaming, pallid paint to those beautiful blue optics he was perfect. Skyfire smiled, great Primus did he ever smile. It was as pure and perfect as the ice that had trapped him, and Starscream felt himself cracking under the weight of it.
Starscream could remember his first kill with an alarming amount of detail. He'd always justified it to himself, he'd justified every following one as well. War does things to the psyche. It was a matter of survival. They started it! He was worthless in their eyes. But with those blue optics could pierce any lie, and in an instant he knew that's all they were. Lies. Things to allow himself to recharge at night. He took lives, he sent many off into the Allspark and he had even revelled in it. He was a monster, he was filth, and he could not stand to be under Skyfire's gaze. The larger bot barely stuttered out three words before the jet took off on his aimless course, drifting across earth at incredible, oafish speeds. That dreadful Autobot must have told him... Well, must have told him the truth. That must have been why Skyfire had paused - he must have been disgusted with him. The thought haunted the seeker, and that's where it had left him now.
Finally he began to slow down and eventually landed, transforming in the process. He hadn't been prepared for this, not in the least. He'd be ready to (for all intensive purposes) die beside his companion, not face everything else he'd done for the past nine millennia. He would be facing everything if he had to come face to face with Skyfire again - he couldn't lie to him. Not when he was just so... So...
Starscream found himself sitting down and actually observing where he was. Ah, good, back to the Harbinger. It had been a makeshift base for long enough, it seemed that he'd just naturally come to rest here again. He held his helm in his hands, looking down at his peds in the dust. Back to his cowardice, to his loneliness. His optics turned skywards, looking in the direction from which he came. His friend, perhaps his only friend in the known universe was back there... Perhaps waiting, perhaps glad to be rid of him.
And yet, he couldn't let go of the way Skyfire had said his name...
¤⇍◎⇏¤
Skyfire did not return inside the base, despite Ratchet's urgings. The doctor went on at great length, and with a great many reason why he should return indoors but the larger bot waved him off with a pleasant smile and a calm voice. Of course, this only aggravated the doctor more, but eventually he was left alone with the open sky. He could remember a time back on Cybertron when he and Starscream would watch the stars together. Of course, they were different stars, which blinked and flickered in different patterns, but it was comforting all the same. There were some nights where they'd forget to recharge they were up so late (which of course left the slender seeker more cranky than Ratchet, but it was hardly a bother to Skyfire.) Those memories were enough to keep him smiling as he waited for his friend to come back. And he would come back, he was sure of it.
The night rolled on, the stars changing their positions. Skyfire did not change his.
Starscream had been so different, so... Not broken. Broken was wrong, it was very wrong. He had been desperate looking maybe, and perhaps someone with less of a fondness for him might have even said he was deranged (certainly Ratchet did) but there was something else. He had changed and Skyfire was doubtless that it was because of the war. Nine millennia was a long time, after all; he would have been shocked if he hadn't changed. He was just hoping it wasn't all for the worse. None the less, he would come back. He always came back.
The sun started to rise. Skyfire started to walk.
There were no humans around to see him, and he would be sure to tell Ratchet that when he returned. His peds kicked up dust as he meandered atop great cliff faces, between rocks and sand as he kept his optics on the sky. He would come back, he would definately come back. This thought came to him not in desperation, but in absolute calm. Perhaps if he had experienced the war along side his old friend he wouldn't have been nearly so confidant. But he didn't, and no summary could condense it into a palatable form. He could feel his faceplates warmed by the sun as the rest of the great orb lazily pulled itself over the horizon. Clouds changed from violet, scarlet, and gold to fluffy ivory, and the vivid dawn faded to blue. There were no sunrises like this on Cybertron, he remarked internally. The atmosphere here created some truly dazzling effects - perfect illusions. He was about to turn so as to share these excited observations with his friend... only to recall that he wasn't there. Not there yet, but it would not be long.
It was hardly another cycle when he heard the unmistakable sound of Starscreams engines, and his peds touching down. It took everything, everything the larger bot had not to turn around and rush towards him. However, after his previous reaction Skyfire decided it was better to let the seeker come to him. Skyfire did not break the silence between them, but his words did seem to give his old friend a bit of a start when they came.
"I was jus-s-s-st thinking about how we don't have s-s-su-sunrises like this on C-Cybertron." Skyfire ventured casually. He didn't look back to Starscream, but idly waved a servos towards the sun. "It's interes-s-s-sting, is-s-sn't it? How the atmos-s-s-sphere here creates... Paintings!"
The sound of peds on the rocky ledge came closer, and Skyfire kept talking for lack of anything better to do.
"C-Cybertron is beautiful, but this is-s-s-s... It reminds me of when we firs-s-s-st explored this place! It feels like jus-s-s-st yes-s-sterday. Then again that's almos-s-s-st true for me. A lot s-s-s-sure has-s-s-s happened, huh S-S-St-Star?"
The footfalls stopped, and finally Skyfire turned to face his friend. He beamed at the seeker like the bright morning sun as he got to his peds, still moving slowly. Starscream had stopped a good distance away, looking ready to bolt at the slightest sign of... Well, Skyfire wasn't really sure. It couldn't be danger; after everything he had to know that there was no cause for ill feelings between them. Even so, the massive scientist made no move to come closer - they would do this at his pace, no matter how slow it was. Internally, however, he found it all quite facinating. Star had always wanted to go so fast with everything, get immediate results. That seemed to be the exact opposite of what was happening currently. Skyfire took an experimental step, starting to hold a massive servos up towards him. He heaved an internal sigh of relief when the seeker mirrored his motions (albeit far more cautious.)
"I thought you were dead, you know." Starscream nearly snapped, though his spark wasn't in it. It was easy to tell when he was truly aggravated with someone, right now he just seemed scared. His raised servos turned into a great pointing claw as he continued to fling what felt like accusations. "I watched you go down, watched this planet swallow you alive."
"S-S-St-Star..."
"I lost everything after you. Not that I didn't try to take it back! Oh no..." The Decepticon's eye's narrowed as he drew closer still, wings rigid as his voice became more and more shrill. The metallic tone his voice was taking on seemed to be boosting his confidence, or perhaps it was just hiding nervousness. No matter, he practically stalked towards his old friend. "I did everything I could to survive. That's what I was doing, surviving! I didn't have anyone I could rely on, I had no more honesty, no more... more... Friends!"
"I know, I--"
"You know? You know? Oh, then I suppose your Autobot friend has told you all about me and what I've done, hmmm? Told you that I-- I--" He broke off for a moment. His instincts were to grovel (sad though that may be) and try to bend the story for the sake of survival. But he couldn't bring the words forward, no matter how hard he tried. Somewhere while ranting and raving, he'd come practically within reach of Skyfire. He was under the weight of those eyes, and they... Didn't bore down on him, they didn't demand answers or cut into his spark. They were patient, they were loving. Oh, fragg.
"S-S-Starscream..." At this point, Skyfire's voice was almost a whisper. It was over in an instant despite the careful slowness that overtook his motions. His arms engulfed the seeker, tugging him close to his chest plate but not holding him there. There was ample time for Starscream to move away, to fly, to do anything, and yet he stayed. Claw like servos stayed rigid on Skyfire's chest plate as he spoke. "Thos-s-s-se were the wrong words... I was-s-s-sn't there, I can't know, you're right."
Starscream nearly scoffed; it'd been far too long since he'd heard that phrase. Damn. Damn it all, this was not what he was used to. He could handle distrust from any source, he could handle having backup plans upon backup plans, he could deal with alliances and warfare! But this was... Was... Friendship. That was something he'd long since forgotten how to operate with. He'd have to tell the truth about those he'd scrapped, that was a non-negotiable point. But he wanted desperately to go back to their old friendship, and that was going to be completely off the table once Skyfire learned everything.
The clicking of Skyfire's helm against his own startled the seeker into looking up into another kind smile.
"You're never this quiet, St-St-Star."
"I just... Skyfire, things are so different now. I'm. I've done so many things. It's been..."
"It's-s-s-s been war, right?"
Starscream looked down, unable to meet Skyfire's eyes.
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I've mis-s-s-ssed out on a lot and I'll never really understand. It'll never all be okay, but I don't want you any less-s-s-ss as a res-s-sult of it. Everything changed, but that does-s-s-sn't mean that I have. I'm s-s-s-still here, St-St-Star."
That was enough to cause Starscream to wrap his arms around the scientist, his fellow scientist. Optic fluid began leaking without his permission despite digging his sharp dentae into his lower lip, even his wings started shaking. This wasn't fair, he wasn't prepared! He wasn't used to this sort of reaction, he wasn't used to any of this! As the two of them stood on the massive peak Starscream realized something far more important: he wasn't alone. He wasn't fighting for survival in a world dominated by conflicting ideals (none of which ever seemed to have a place for him.) This realization only caused more optic fluid to spill over his faceplate and a strangled hiccup to come from his voicebox. By the Allspark, what a pathetic sight he must have been. Yet Skyfire didn't seem to care at all; he just held him close rested his helm on Starscream's.
"I lost you..." Starscream rasped quietly against Skyfire's chest; had it not been for the volume of his voice he would have been wailing. "I was so alone, Sky. I was so alone."
"Ss-ss-ssshhh... I've got you. You're not alone anymore. I promis-s-s-se."