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Strelitzia had never felt so terrible. Her hands were sore from clenching them so tightly, her fingernails leaving little indents into her palm. Strelitzia’s hair was disheveled with one of her pigtails having come undone at some point. Her entire body ached from injuries that were now finally starting to catch up to her. There were small splatters of blood (that she was only somewhat sure had come from her) staining her white dress, probably permanently. She had a pretty painful limp that had only been made worse by all of those stairs she had climbed. She even had a headache so painful that she could hardly think straight.
Though, those weren’t the only reasons she felt terrible.
In all of her life, Strelitzia had never felt that angry before. It was an all-consuming rage, one that took root deep in her body, resonating in her bones. Her face still felt a bit hot and her heart was still beating loudly in her ears. The rage had since subsided for the most part, but there was still a part of Strelitzia that was burning with anger, begging to be acted upon.
The emotion she was feeling the most at that current moment, however, as she stood over Ventus’s bed, was guilt.
The boy was out like a light, his breathing steady, and curled up in his far too big sheets. He slept like nothing was wrong, like the world wasn’t at risk of ending and that Strelitzia hadn't almost killed him with her own two hands-
The memory of how easy Ven had been to lift up was burned into her mind. How he cried out in agony as Strelitzia dropped him to the ground and summoned her keyblade, swinging it in a wide arc in a blind rage. If it hadn’t been for Ephemer’s quick thinking, then…
She didn’t want to think about it.
It scared her, how easily she had fallen prey to the anger. Keyblade wielder's were always taught that strong negative emotions led to darkness, and here she was, giving into it far too easily.
“I am so sorry, Ventus.” Strelitzia apologized, voice wavering. “I was just- I was angry and you were right there and-” Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “Darkness is so, so abstract. I needed a tangible target and you were the best option.” she sniffed. “I am so sorry.” Strelitzia sobbed.
Who was she to be begging for forgiveness? What would her brother think of her now? She had hurt her friends. She had given into the anger that had been growing inside of her, like a monster waiting to strike. All of the stress had reached a boiling point and led to her completely losing control.
She had no right to be a union leader, not after what she had done.
“I know that no matter how much I apologize, I can never take back what I did.” her voice caught in her throat. “But I am so sorry.”
Ventus, predictably, did not respond.
Strelitzia stood there for a bit, wiping her face with her sleeve and trying to recollect herself.
“Is darkness really gone?” she wondered aloud. “Or has it become a part of you, just like you said it would?”
There was the rage again. Slowly creeping up on her and seeping into her heart. The thought of Darkness, the very thing that killed her brother, merging and living on inside Ven made something in her head snap. A sudden surge of pain spiked through her head. She placed her palm to her forehead, hand gripping her hair as she looked down and away from Ven, as if trying to redirect her anger.
“If it has, then I-”
At that moment, Strelitzia felt someone grab her by the arm, the one that was still by her side. It was a comforting presence, magically soothing her rage with just a touch.
“Hatred, anger, and sadness….. That’s exactly what they want.” said the achingly familiar voice of her brother. His hand moved downwards to hers, taking it in his grasp. It was something he would do when they were children as a way to comfort her when she was scared. “You have to let it go, Litzi.” His grip suddenly tightened.
“What happened to my sweet and caring sister?”
Strelitzia whipped around to face him. “Lauriam!?”
There was no one there, just empty space. It was only her and Ventus in the room.
“What..?” she asked no one. Had she imagined that? No, there’s no way. She had felt his hand on hers, heard his voice clear as day. He had been right there. But now he wasn’t
Strelitzia just stood, dumbfounded, in the middle of the room.
Maybe the blood loss was getting to her, yeah, that sounded about right. Maybe she had lost so much blood that she had began to hallucinate.
Was hallucination even a side effect of blood loss?
She had no idea.
From above, the door to Ventus's room creaked open. Ephemer poked his head through the doorway, leaning forward so that he could just barely see Strelitzia and the sleeping Ventus from over the balcony.
"Strelitzia." he began. "Someone's here to see you."
Confusion momentarily overtook her bewilderment over her current situation.
"What?" she asked, stepping away from Ventus's bedside and closer to the staircase. "Who?"
Ephemer faltered for a moment, then shrugged. "Uh. A friend of yours, I think? I don't know what she wants exactly, but she says she needs to talk to you, like, asap."
"Oh. Um, then I'll uh, be right up." she said, reaching up to tuck some of her hair behind her ears.
Ephemer nodded, his lips pursed and his eyebrows furrowed, and closed the door, once again leaving just Strelitzia and Ventus in the room.
Strelitzia clenched her firsts before promptly unclenching them. She looked over at Ventus, who still slept soundly in his bed, like nothing was wrong.
Too many thoughts were swirling through her head to make sense of any of them, and frankly, with all the exhaustion and fatigue that had been seeping its way through her body, she didn't think she could if she tried.
Wordlessly, she hurried up the stairs to the door, trying not to think too hard about what had happened.
She paid no mind to the sharp chill that ran up her spine.
It was just a hallucination, that's all.
So why, then, could she so vividly feel the sensation of another hand clasping her own? Why did she feel the solid and warm presence of another person, when it was just her an Ventus?
It was better to just not think about it, for the time being. She's got bigger things to worry about.