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Something troublesome has been stirring in the halls of Hogwarts recently.
The teachers were uninvolved as ever, but the students, a certain group in particular, had a perfectly accurate inkling as to exactly what was causing all this lurking chaos. The roots of this bizarre new situation could be traced back to two very specific people, as usual.
Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya.
Because well, when were those two ever not the cause for whatever added new strands of grey hair to Professor Fukuzawa's head?
Dazai Osamu was just this average Slytherin fifth-year. Except well, he was one of the two perfects, the other one being Ozaki Kouyou, who also happened to be one of his close friends. Quite well known for his distaste of all things athletic, and Quidditch in particular, his peers were too scared of him to point out that if he disliked the sport as much he claimed, he really had absolutely no reason to spend his Saturday mornings at the Quidditch court; which was when the Gryffindor team were scheduled for their practice session.
He also had absolutely zero reason to religiously show up to every single Quidditch match, if one of the teams playing were Gryffindor. Other than his very contradictory actions, he was a pleasant enough guy, and was fairly polite to everyone. Except one person, of course.
Nakahara Chuuya, on the other hand, happened to be a not-very-average student at Hogwarts. Well, it wasn't like Dazai was exactly average either, but that's not the point. Chuuya was one of the two Gryffindor prefects, the other being his very close friend, Yosano Akiko. Their friendship was pretty well known, and hence, there was never any ambiguity regarding either of the prefects' actions.
Other than that, Chuuya also happened to be the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a rare enough feat for a fifth-year. He played the position of the Seeker, quite fitting for someone of his- um, short- stature, for the lack of a better word. He was also naturally rather fast on the court. In his personal life, he was literally friends with everybody. All the Gryffindors looked up to him and were fond of him, and students from other houses were on friendly terms with him as well.
Chuuya got along with everybody, but he vehemently claimed to be unable to see-to-eye with 'that shitty Slytherin prefect bastard. Who does he think he is, anyway?!'
Fortunately(?) for him, such strong feelings of his were very much mutual, and said shitty prefect bastard, namely Dazai, claimed to very much hate him too. The two of them had established their relationship as mere and petty rivalry all the way back in their first year. Which is why, it absolutely did not make sense that they were seen together at all times.
This was most definitely not an exaggeration. They really were together constantly. In fact, as of late, several Gryffindor students commented that they saw Dazai in their dormitory building rather frequently. Each prefect had a room of their own, and everyone collectively agreed that Dazai was in Chuuya's room quite a lot.
As for the Slytherin students, they claimed that they have spotted Chuuya in Dazai's room on multiple occasions, and the former seemed to be complaining too much every single time. Something about the Slytherin dungeons being too dark and dingy, and how only real snakes could bear to live there?
Needless to say, anybody who has ever had the misfortune of being in the duo's presence were always left confused and in search of their sanity. This has always been the case, but seriously, hasn't it been extra bad recently?! After all, even the first years could pick up on the wisps of impending doom.
As for the reason to this; that was only clear to Dazai and his small circle of friends. One fine day, in the courtyard with his close friends, namely Kouyou, this other Slytherin named Gin, and this one Hufflepuff named Higuchi, Dazai came to a very important decision. After having feigned feelings of pure hate and rivalry for about six long years, he finally decided to admit that he was, in fact, very much in love with that little hatrack shorty (his words).
Ever since that very unnecessary declaration, Slytherin's resident genius has been trying to figure out ways to inform his rival that he was very much in love with him. Should be simple enough, right? Especially for a genius like Dazai?
Apparently fucking not.
Because, even after several tries and very serious attempts of revealing such classified information to Chuuya, he still didn't get the hint at all! Seriously, Dazai knew that his rival was just a stupid little chibi, but to think it was so terrible to this extent?! He immediately needed to make sure Chuuya was never alone for the rest of his life. What if he got scammed by some rotten Slytherin brat, after all? That would be very troublesome, wouldn't it?
Hence, it was essential that Dazai got the message through to Chuuya immediately.
And really, he tried multiple things. For example, he has been staying at Chuuya's room and using up all his bodywash much more frequently now. Then, he also made sure that Chuuya couldn't get any spare bottles of bodywash, because they absolutely had to use the same bottle!
Then, when they went to The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade, Dazai even paid for both of their butterbeers. Chuuya was infamous for his love and obsession with butterbeer, so wasn't getting it for him such a cute, romantic thing to do? And Dazai didn't even use Chuuya's butterbeer to make a interesting potion using vomit flavour candy! Shouldn't that be a sign enough? That Dazai was definitely in love with that butterbeer-addicted chibi?
Other than that, on nights Chuuya was too busy anxiously studying for his Herbology exam, Dazai even very kindly stayed over at his room and brought him coffee, along with actually nice-tasting cookies. He didn't even try to ruin Chuuya's books or put salt in his coffee! Wasn't he really just trying his best to show Chuuya that he loved him?
But no, Chuuya was apparently really a very stupid little chibi; not being able to get the message even after all these very serious attempts. Hence, Dazai finally bit the bullet and decided to take his confession scheme a step further. That's right, he went to Kouyou for advice. Ah, the pain! The loss of dignity! Dazai should really be much for experienced in the matters of love that that red-haired bitch. But no, he was just doomed to eternal suffering because his one true partner was just a silly hatrack!
Besides, it's not like Kouyou was helpful or anything. She merely rolled her eyes and smirked blatantly before suggesting that Dazai go and consult Yosano for his purpose. It was because she happened to be Chuuya's best friend, Kouyou said. Chuuya's best friend! Wasn't that so rude? Chuuya's best friend, shouldn't it be Dazai?!
It must be true that stupid people keep stupid company, because Yosano couldn't even pick up on the hostility that Dazai radiated towards her, when he finally went up to her to ask for her opinion and advice. She merely laughed and snickered lots, because suggesting very unethical methods, such as exposing Chuuya to Amortentia.
Now see, Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. It causes a powerful obsession or infatuation from the drinker. But that's not all. Amortentia smells different to each person, according to what attracts them the most. Hence, the potion is supposed to smell like who or what you're attracted to. It was a simple enough concept to understand.
Maybe this was too far, but really, Dazai was desperate at this point. Hence, he snuck out some of the Amortentia he'd brewed in Potions class in a cute little vial, and took it to Chuuya, who was in his room, as usual. Dazai even went as far as offering the vial of Amortentia to his very cute rival, and telling him that it was perfume.
Chuuya looked at the vial and then looked at Dazai before arching his eyebrows incredulously, "So, you're saying this is perfume?"
Dazai popped his lips, "Yep."
"In a vial?"
"Yeah, I got it from Higuchi."
A grin hinting at his face, Chuuya spoke, "Right. What do you want me to do with this thing?"
Dazai took the liberty of making himself comfortable on Chuuya's bed before answering lazily, "Sniff it and tell me what it smells like."
Carding his fingers through the other's hair, Chuuya hummed curiously, "And why can't you do that yourself?"
A scoff, "All of Higuchi's perfumes give me terrible headaches. But I want to know what this one smells like, so use your doggie nose, ne?"
Chuuya rolled his eyes some, before uncorking the vial and taking a whiff of it. He then tilted his head a little, as if trying to decipher the exact components of the fragrance. Wrinkling his nose, he finally gave his verdict, "It smells like bandages and mist. Does mist even have a smell? But it kinda smells like you. It's comforting."
Dazai sat up on the bed immediately, "So it definitely smells like me?"
Hiding a very obvious smirk, Chuuya nodded, "Yeah?"
The Slytherin prefect smacked his hands together and pointedly stared at his rival, "Well then, Chuuya-kun. Let me tell you that the vial in your hands contains amortentia!"
Chuuya tilted his head once again, "Okay? Aw, so it's not usable perfume? I wanted to try using it."
Dazai almost just about growled at him, "No, it's not perfume; but! But it's amortentia and you said it smells like me, so doesn't that mean you like me?"
Chuuya just shrugged, "Huh? Of course, I like you. I would've kicked your fishy ass out of my room otherwise."
Throwing his arms around the other to shake him a lot, Dazai whined, "Chuuya doesn't understand! Chuuya is a stupid chibi!"
The redhead wrapped an arm around his partner, rolling his eyes some more before speaking, "Teme, who the fuck are you calling a stupid chibi!" Then, with a fond tone to his voice, he added, "And go the fuck to sleep already. I have a match tomorrow, you know?"
Dazai grumbled very loudly under his breath before doing as asked, "Of course, I know."
And that was the end of the attempts at confessing for that day. Clearly, Dazai needed a better plan. Something that would definitely prove to Chuuya that he was absolutely head over heels for him, even if it was really embarrassing that such a charming man like Dazai fell in love with a stupid, albeit cute chibi.
Since proper research was the only way to go about this, Dazai headed off to the library after having witnessed the spectacular Quidditch match. Which Gryffindor totally won. But that's not very important. Dazai doesn't like sports anyway. Wasn't it just an excuse for muscle-headed brats to run about the field with the purpose of chasing after a bunch of balls? It didn't make sense at all. Why was such a thing even considered fun?
Dazai would never know. But, what he needed to know was how to exactly confess to Chuuya in a way that he would absolutely get the hint immediately. And he was almost positive that he would get good answers to his very important question at the library. The library was wonderful anyway, there was no way it wouldn't be of any help.
Dazai was only halfway through the first book of a series of seven volumes, all about the old tales and students and mysteries of Hogwarts, when he was casually approached by Gin, and this Gryffindor fourth-year named Tachihara. The two of them very comfortably took their seats at the table Dazai was at, before striking up conversation with him.
Gin stared at the stack of books on the table pointedly, before turning to Dazai, "What are you doing?"
The genius huffed, "Trying to figure out how to confess to Chuuya and ask him out."
Gin stared at him some more, "And reading about past Hogwarts students will help with that how?"
Dazai began, "Well these stories also talk about some couples from back then, so-"
Tachihara cut him off with a very confused look on his face, "Wait, sorry. Huh? You're trying to confess to Chuuya?"
The prefect sighed excessively, "That is what I said. It's because I have the misfortune for having feelings for him, and I want to date him."
Tachihara blinked, "Date him? But Chuuya said you guys are already-"
As expected, he was nudged hard in the ribs by Gin, "Stop talking. And we should get going now. Move."
Hence, the duo hastened to take their leave, leaving behind a very confused Dazai, who was trying to make sense of what just happened. Tachihara mentioned Chuuya saying something, didn't he? What did Chuuya say? Huh?
But well, Dazai didn't have any time to waste. He'd found what he believed to be the perfect way to getting his feelings across to Chuuya. After having finished the first book of the series, he was all too suddenly reminded of this one particular legend that was quite popular, even in his time at Hogwarts.
It was about the Mirror of Erised, see. It is a mirror that shows a person the deepest desire of their heart. Something they want the most, something they cherish so strongly.
Dazai has definitely stumbled upon the mirror before, sometime in his second year. Back then, he didn't know what exactly the mirror did. So, he had been extremely confused when he peeked at his reflection, only to see Chuuya laughing next to him, their arms linked together. Dazai hadn't been smiling physically, and Chuuya was definitely not with him, but the mirror showed the two of them standing together, and Dazai had looked so very happy in that reflection too.
It wasn't until Dazai did some proper research after this encounter, that he learnt of the true nature of the Mirror of Erised, and what it does. He was positive that this was how he came to know about his very disgusting feelings for Chuuya. And didn't that mean that Dazai has had feelings for that slug since before his second year?
How horrifying! He didn't want to think of that at all.
But no, being reminded of the mirror was a good thing. This would surely help him make a proper confession. Dazai knew that Chuuya definitely liked him back. Wasn't The Amortentia Incident enough proof? All he had to do was show Chuuya that his feelings were very much mutual! So, he'd just take Chuuya to the room that houses the Mirror of Erised, and question him about what he saw.
It was all so simple.
Hence, later that night, when Dazai was sleeping over in Chuuya's room, he nudged his rival, "Ano ne, Chuuya. Let's go somewhere."
Chuuya wasn't asleep yet, but it was safe to say that he was still a little annoyed, "Huh? Do you understand that it's past midnight? Where the fuck do you want to go?"
Rolling over to lay on his stomach so he got a good look at the other, Dazai whispered, "Don't be so loud; people are sleeping, you know? But I just want to show you something, so let's go!"
Because Chuuya was weak to very annoying bastards, he crept out of bed slowly before putting on his night gown, "Ugh. Fine, but let's make it quick."
Dazai just laughed gleefully before dragging his rival all the way to a particular room. They silently crept past sleeping portraits, and climbed a whole bunch of moving stairs, all in order to finally make it to the Mirror of Erised.
As expected, Chuuya was definitely not impressed. He glared at his fellow prefect, "Tell me you did not fucking drag me out of bed at ungodly hours to show me a fucking mirror, shitty Dazai."
Dazai grinned, "Don't be so rude, Chuuya. This is a very special mirror, you know? Now, now. Go and look into it and tell me what you see."
Chuuya huffed as he stomped over to gaze into the mirror, "I'm just not going to question it. I'm too tired for this bullshit." Then he stopped right in front of the magical artefact, staring at his reflection in it.
Making sure he was out of the mirror's field of reflection, Dazai prompted, "So? What do you see?"
Chuuya tilted his head, "Oh, it's a magical mirror? I just see myself on the international Quidditch court. It looks like my team won? I have a trophy! And you're there right next to me on the court too. That's weird. Ew, what the fuck! Why are you kissing me, oi?!"
Wait. What's that reaction? Isn't that a little too unexpected? Should Chuuya be reacting to them kissing in the reflection like that? But didn't that also mean that what Chuuya was seeing right now, in the mirror, was his heart's deepest desire? Wait, wait, wait. Wasn't all of this a little too confusing?
Dazai swallowed, "Um. Ha ha. That is weird. Why would I kiss you... That's definitely weird, right?"
Chuuya nodded, "Definitely. That's actually disgusting. Ew. Thank god, it's nothing like that in real life. What does this shitty mirror do anyway?"
Very successfully ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, Dazai shrugged, "It's probably just a mirror that plays such pranks on the users."
At this point, Chuuya turned around to face his rival. Dazai's face must have very rudely betrayed his real emotions, because he immediately saw Chuuya gasp as soon as he saw him, his jaw dropping as he rushed over to him.
Chuuya reached out for the other's hand, intertwining their fingers together. His voice sounded super concerned when he spoke, "Shit, was that too far? I was kidding, Dazai. Holy shit."
Dazai stared at their joined hands, "What do you mean?"
Chuuya sighed deeply before reaching up and wrapping his arms around his partner, "I know what the Mirror of Erised does, you idiot. I was just messing with you, and I clearly went too far. I'm sorry."
Dazai must have been feeling better, because he gasped dramatically, "You know about the mirror?! But aren't you supposed to be a stupid little chibi who can't even pick up on the many hints I've been dropping for you?"
Chuuya huffed in annoyance, "Who can't pick up on your very stupid hints, damn you! I very much know already, okay?"
A snort, "Is that so? What do you know then, Chuuya?"
The redhead rolled his eyes, "That you're in love with me, dumbass. And it's so obviously mutual."
Dazai stared at him, "It is?"
"It is what?"
"It's mutual?"
"Obviously? Did you not hear me describe what I saw in the damned mirror, shitty Dazai?"
"But you said me kissing you in the reflection was disgusting!"
Chuuya rolled his eyes, "I told you I was messing with you, oi! I've known for quite a long time that you like me, and that I like you too."
Dazai complained very loudly, "So you've just been pretending not to get it all this time?! Why?"
Chuuya snickered, "Because I like to see you suffer. And messing with you is just so funny. In my mind, we're already very much dating though. So don't you dare go liking somebody else."
His partner sighed exaggeratedly, "You're so mean to me, Chuuya. How could you! I might just go like somebody else if you're going to be this mean to me and cause me to suffer."
Chuuya frowned immediately, "Hey, that's not funny, you know?"
Dazai huffed and pouted some more, "I should get to mess with you too! That's not fair otherwise!"
"All I'm hearing is that you won't like someone else."
"Who else would I like anyway? Chuuya is such a silly slug."
"You're such a bastard."
Dazai grinned too widely at that, "But you like me."
Chuuya rolled his eyes, but his smile was fond, "Yeah, yeah. But I like you. Hey, kiss me already, asshole. What are you waiting for?"
The other laughed, "Oh, but of course! I merely forgot that Chuuya is too short to kiss me himself, fufufu."
As expected, Chuuya kicked him in the legs, making him bend over with mild pain. Of course, Chuuya wasn't going to miss this opportunity to do the needful and kiss his partner. Pressing a kiss to Dazai's mouth, he pulled away all too quickly before turning around to leave the room, "Love you too, fucker."
Dazai couldn't help but smile, with all his utmost fondness, before he followed Chuuya out of the room, "You're a menace."
Chuuya just laughed as he linked his arm with the other's, "Yet you love me so much. Speaking of which, what did you see in the mirror?"
Dazai looked down at their linked arms and Chuuya laughing next to him, before smiling himself, "It was a few years ago, but would you believe me if I said it was exactly something like this?"
Chuuya followed his gaze to their interlinked arms, before looking back up at him, "Oh. Oh my god, you're a fucking sap. So gross."
When Dazai failed to say anything witty in response, contrary to what was expected of him, Chuuya merely sighed before pulling him closer, "Yeah. I believe you."
And if Dazai was very much flustered and actually really unable to give proper, clever responses, that was completely his business and for him to know. But well, Chuuya probably knew too anyway, because he teased his partner lots about it on their way back to his room.
Naturally, the rest of the student body at Hogwarts were sleeping soundly in their beds, unaware of the fact that they really would have to deal with something as disgusting as this tomorrow onwards.
Impending doom not so impending anymore, right?