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Hemmer had been off duty for a couple days now and Uhura was becoming a little worried. After the incident in the Cargo Bay, he hadn’t been seen anywhere after escaping the Medbay. His hand had been fully healed by Dr. M’Benga, which was, of course, a good thing.
However, many people had suffered mentally. Uhura herself wasn’t even exempt from this. But she had talked with some of her friends and Nurse Chapel in order to sort everything out. And while it had been trying, just having somebody there to listen was helpful.
And for this reason, she could not allow Hemmer to be alone at such a time. Not when she had seen how bad things could get if one didn’t have people to lean on. And with Hemmer’s admittedly prickly attitude, not many found him approachable. In other words, he didn’t have anybody to help him like so many others on this ship did.
The door to Hemmer’s quarters opened without a sound and Uhura was greeted by pitch darkness and an accompanying pin drop silence. It was eerie. The room was relatively spartan, with barely any personal effects adorning the walls. But then again, with Hemmer’s condition decorations were probably unnecessary. As was, apparently, light.
“Sir? Are you in here?”
“Uhura?”
Hemmer’s voice came from the adjoining bedroom. It was strained and tired, as if he hadn’t gotten a good night's rest in a while.
“Yes sir. It’s me.”
There was no response. The silence was getting unbearable.
“Sir. Are you alright?”
There was shuffling in the other room, as if Hemmer was getting off his bed. A moment later, he entered his doorway.
His appearance was startling. He was usually so put together. But now his usually impeccable hair was ruffled. He wasn’t dressed in his uniform, instead he wore looser garments that looked much more breathable. Underneath his eyes were deep rings, tinged with a very noticeable pink.
“Sir?” Uhura prompted.
“If I said I was doing fine, I would be lying. But I will get through it soon enough.”
That wasn’t really how it worked.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Are you really, really sure?”
“Yes. Really. ”
“Are you really, really, really sure?”
“Cadet. Please. We’re not at the Academy.” Hemmer said, his usually derisive tone weakened by exhaustion. But that didn’t make his aura any less threatening.
If he really didn’t want help—
“I’m sorry for disturbing you then sir. I was just worried, after the attack I wasn’t doing to great myself so—”
Hemmer interrupted her before she could finish.
“You weren’t?”
His sharply contoured eyebrows drew together in concern, “Do you wish to talk about it?”
Well, that could always work. He didn’t have to know that she’d already talked through it.
“You know what—yeah. That might be a good idea.”
“Very well then. Sit down.”
Hemmer gestured to the couch in the corner of his quarters. In the darkness, she could hardly see it. Luckily, he seemed to notice her predicament.
“Ah, sorry about the lighting. I don’t tend to need illumination. Here we go, that should do it.”
The lights dialed up a notch, enough so that Uhura could see more of the room.
“So what is it you would like to tell me?”
Nothing really. I just want you to get whatever’s weighing on your shoulders off. It’s surely having an impact.
“ Um, I’m not really sure where to start.”
God, this was embarrassing.
“Well then, what’s been bothering you?”
So embarrassing. What made me think this was a good idea again?
“It’s just, I’ve never had such a close call. After my parents died, I tried to make it my goal to carry on their legacy. To make them proud, you know? And I almost died without making any mark on the world. I almost disappointed them.”
Hemmer straightened at that. His face marred by a worried frown.
“Uhura. You are one of the smartest cadets to ever walk through the halls of the Enterprise. I’d even say that your intellect in linguistics rivals mine in engineering. You are in no way a disappointment.”
Lieutenant Hemmer just complimented me. I’m dying.
“ Oh—um, wow. Thank you sir.”
“I’m just telling the truth.”
Uhura could feel herself blushing. Hopefully Hemmer wouldn’t be able to pick up on it.
“Sir. I know that I’m not the only person struggling. And, while I hate to pry, you seem a bit affected as well.”
Hemmer ducked his head, a bitter smirk curving his lips before they fell back into their regular position. The ridges on his face tightened with sorrow.
Perhaps it was too much to hold in, or perhaps he felt as if he should give Uhura something back for her honesty, as he finally forked out what had been bothering him.
“Uhura, you remember our conversation about the Aenar back in the Cargo Bay?”
“Of course sir.”
“My species are pacifists by nature. I’ve always believed in bringing life. Hence my interest in botany. But when that ship exploded, because of what I did— It was my fault— ”
“Sir, if you don’t mind me interjecting, that was in no way your fault. It was self defense. And even then it was the very last resort. You said so yourself. You did everything you could.”
“But what if I could have saved them? Uhura, you don’t understand what it’s like to be raised your entire life believing one thing and then, in one moment, everything changes because of something you did. I am a pacifist. I’m supposed to protect life. Not end it.”
Hemmer’s shoulder’s shook with emotion. He looked, somehow , worse than he had in the Cargo Bay with a broken hand.
It was painful to see him this way. Usually he was so confident and self-assured. He shouldn’t feel guilty, not over this.
Uhura couldn’t help the feelings that took over then. Maybe it was the human in her. But she couldn’t resist pulling him in for a hug. Even if it broke professional boundaries. Sometimes, there was no good substitute for touch.
She felt him stiffen in her hold, but as she was about to back away, he slowly snaked his arms around her in return.
It was nice.
“You should get some sleep sir. I’ll see you tomorrow in engineering.”
Hemmer detangled his limbs and stood up, his cheeks dusted with a faint grey blush.
Well that’s payback for how embarrassed you made me feel earlier.
“Goodnight Lieutenant. And don’t worry, I’ll keep my lips sealed. We don’t want your reputation to be ruined, now do we?”
Uhura made her way to the exit and just as the doors whizzed open, she paused.
Behind her, Hemmer spoke softly. Tone delicate and kind with something she could not even begin to comprehend.
“Goodnight Cadet.”
And slowly, behind her, Uhura heard the doors whir closed.