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Mizuki felt sick looking down at the caller ID on their phone.
They knew they couldn’t avoid this conversation for very long. They knew responding to what she said with… that was a dick move. They knew. But it didn’t make the idea of what was about to happen any less nauseating.
She was probably going to yell at them, and they couldn’t blame her. Who says that to someone who asked if they were more than friends? “I don’t know”. They felt bile rise in their throat at the memory. Why did they say that? Why didn’t they delete it after they sent it? Why couldn’t they come up with a better answer for her?
After everything Ena had done for them, that was all they could come up with. They felt like they were going to puke.
Well, the least they could do now was answer the phone. With shaking fingers, they pressed ‘accept’ and raised the phone to their ear. Their throat felt dry as they barely managed to get out a “Hey.”
Ena let out a wavering sigh. Whether from relief or pure anger, Mizuki couldn’t tell. “Um. Hey.”
She sounded kind of.. restrained. Probably holding herself back from yelling at them or something. They tried not to wince at the following silence— they had really screwed this up, hadn't they? They opened their mouth to speak, but Ena beat them to the chase.
“Listen.. please just hear me out, okay?” Ena sounded… she sounded desperate. Her voice almost broke mid sentence. They were expecting her to start yelling at them already, but she sounded a lot less self-assured than usual. “About last night… I’m sorry. That was a mistake.”
That surprised them. “What…?”
Ena let out a broken sort of laugh on the other end of the call. “I was tired and kind of delirious and just … I was lonely, and we were bonding, and I wasn’t thinking and I just … I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t’ve sprung that on you. Not in the middle of the night, and not over text. I know you’re not really good with.. conversations like that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry.”
They really didn’t know what to say. Ena didn’t really … apologize. At least not directly. That’s not to say she’s never apologetic, but usually she’s a lot more confrontational than deferential. If she does something deliberately, then she usually sticks with it.
When Mizuki didn’t respond, Ena continued. “That was a really weird bombshell to drop on you, and I know. I’m sorry. I’m hoping that we can just … forget about it, if you want. We don’t have to talk about it— I’m just hoping this doesn’t make things awkward between us.”
This was surprising. If anything, they had expected Ena to be mad at them. But she sounded .. defeated, even over the quality of the phone call. They felt kind of bad- it wasn’t really her fault. She just asked a question, they’re the one who had panicked and ignored her. They’re the one who led her on in the first place.
After a while, they finally got up the nerve to speak. “O-Oh, no, don’t… don’t worry about it all. It’s fine. I figured you were just, y’know, messing around. I just forgot to respond. That’s all!” they tried not to cringe at the sound of their own voice. They didn’t even sound convincing to themself.
“Mm.. yeah…” Ena sounded pretty strained and disbelieving on the other end, but she didn’t press it. “Hey, so… this may be a bad time to ask this, but … are you free this weekend? My parents are going to be out, and Akito has a thing with his music group. I was going to work on this piece I had just started and I figured that … you could maybe give me some input. And keep me company. If you want.”
Go over to Ena’s? This weekend? That sounded like a bad idea. They had gotten them both into this mess by agreeing to keep seeing Ena- by indulging her (and themself, truth be told). They probably should try to keep some distance- it’s what they always do.
“Sure! Of course.”
… But the way Ena asked so softly. How she poke carefully, as if she was trying not to scare them off. How they knew she usually liked to work alone, so the fact that she was asking them to keep her company specifically was important. They couldn’t just … deny her if she was feeling lonely, right? They owed that to her at least. Besides, they didn’t want to ruin their friendship. They couldn’t let this ruin their friendship- continuing on as usual was probably the best way to move past this.
They tried to pretend the way their heart twisted and their stomach fluttered was because of guilt. They didn’t think they could handle confronting the reality of another possibility.
Especially not when they felt lightheaded hearing the way Ena seemed to untense after Mizuki agreed to come over, confirming their plans.
God, they prayed this wasn’t a mistake.
This was most definitely a mistake.
They were at Ena’s house, notebook in lap, pencil in hand, and binder at their knee. They had brought their school stuff to “get some work done”, but in truth it was just so they could pretend to look busy. Ena had said that was fine, and had gotten to work on her art piece at her desk. They hadn’t really spoken much since, and were both just sitting in relative silence, save for Ena’s occasional muttering at her art.
That in it of itself wasn’t too abnormal- they often worked in silence together. They just didn’t know how to deal with how suffocating this silence was. They wanted to tell themself it was just because they were fresh off the heels of an awkward situation, that they were just nervous. But no matter how many times they told themself that, they could not stop the way their heart seemed to pound anytime they looked at a piece of decor and realized they were in Ena’s room .
They couldn’t stop their eyes from wandering over to Ena and immediately looking away, either. They wanted to look at her and they also wanted to look at literally anything else. At some point, they met eyes with her and nearly choked on air.
At this point, they didn’t know if they could convince themself that it was just because of their conversation last night.
They wanted to say something to at least break the nauseating silence, but their throat felt like it was filled with cotton. They could not bring themself to say something— anytime they scoured their brain for some sort of witty remark, they came up completely empty.
At some point, after a bit of psyching themself up, they croaked out a “Hey, Ena.”
Ena picked her head up at the sudden noise, saying nothing but turning to look at them curiously. Seeing her head on made Mizuki’s stomach do flips.
God, they were so screwed. They didn’t even know what to say? Why did they call her name? She’d be weirded out if they didn’t say anything now. Or even worse— worried. They’d caused her enough grief already, but they couldn’t think of anything to follow up with.
Goddamnit, say something !
Their eyes drifted over to their side, where a crumpled up paper sat. Did they do that? When? It didn’t even matter at this point. As if on autopilot, they picked it up …
… and chucked it directly at Ena’s face.
Her eyes widened as she shrieked and almost fell back in her chair, more so out of surprise than because of the actual force of the paper ball.
She recovered quickly, snapping back upright in her chair and turning to glare at them. “What the hell was that for?!”
Mizuki felt a bit like a deer in the headlights. Truth be told, they didn’t really know why they did that. They didn’t even do it to be annoying— they just sort of … panicked. “Um. Oops?”
“‘Oops’ they say,” she scoffed, shaking her head. She put her arms on the back of the chair, then rested her head on them, looking at Mizuki with a sudden intense look. Almost as if she was… appraising them? Their heart started to race— they felt trapped under her gaze. They could almost feel their face heating up as Ena looked them up and down. She seemed as she was about to say something, but then shook her head again, softening her face and sighing quietly. “You’re not funny, y’know,” she said softly.
They could still hear their heart pounding in their chest. They felt so stupid right now- they swore they could almost feel a breeze going through one ear and out the other. Say something, stupid! “I think I’m funny.”
“You’re not . Do you see me laughing?” she wrinkled her nose at them, and they almost worried she was actually mad, but her words had no bite to them and her stare had no heat in it.
“I bet I could make you laugh,” they said almost automatically.
“I’m sure you could,” she said dismissively, turning her chair back around to whatever she was working on.
Well, that sounded like a challenge to Mizuki. They’d made her laugh plenty of times— this should be easy.
… It was too bad they were too much of a twitchy mess right now to come up with anything intelligent. How come they couldn’t even think of something ? They were like… the funniest person in Niigo. Granted, the competition wasn’t very steep, since they’d heard Kanade joke maybe one time and they weren’t even sure Mafuyu knew what a joke was. Come on, Mizuki. Funny. Think funny!
“What happened when the cannibal was late to the party?” they blurted out. Seriously ?
Ena didn’t turn to look at them, but they could see her look at them out of the corner of her eye with a glare .
“… He was given the cold shoulder.”
Ena put down her pencil, rubbing her temples and sighing deeply. “Oh, Jesus…” she muttered something they couldn’t quite catch after that. “Wow, that’s… that was really bad. I’ve half a mind to throw you out of my house,” they almost panicked at that, but when she turned to look back at them, they could see the corners of her eyes crinkled in an… almost smile.
“C’mon, Ena…” they smiled helplessly. Both out of trying to save themself from that horrible pun and out of annoyance at themself. Why were they like this right now? Why were they acting stupid? They looked like a fool. Why was Ena making them stupid? “That was a good one.”
“You did not just try to dad joke your way out of an awkward silence.”
For the 50th time that day, Mizuki felt like they were put under a spotlight. “Um. Is it working?”
Ena crossed her arm and turned to fully face Mizuki again. “Hard no,” they had an apology ready on their tongue before Ena leaned forward slightly in her chair. “I still haven’t laughed.”
They held whatever placation for last night they had on their tongue, racking their brain for another stupid pun. Awkward or not, they weren’t backing down from a challenge. “What vegetable is cool, but not that cool?”
Ena’s stare could melt solid stone.
“Radish.”
She rolled her eyes. “GROAN.”
“You know, if you actually didn’t like it, you would’ve just groaned instead of saying it-“
“Oh, just shut up. It sucked, move on.”
Mizuki felt their signature smirk return to them. This was a bit more familiar to them- this back and forth of theirs. Maybe everything would be fine after all. “Okay, okay. It’s not that the guy couldn’t juggle; he just didn’t have the balls to do it.”
Ena looked away and covered her mouth with her hand, and Mizuki saw the corners of her eyes crinkling again in that way they did when she smiled. They really wished she wasn’t hiding her face. She had the nicest smile.
Wait, huh? No. Perish that thought.
They wiped that line of thinking from their mind and pointed an accusing finger at her. “There, there! I got you!”
Ena quickly schooled her expression back into a an angry pout. It was kind of cute. No it wasn’t. Shut up. “No, you didn’t! I’m just… grimacing. Besides— the agreement was laughing. Not smiling. I didn’t laugh.”
Mizuki’s smirk widened, rubbing their hands together like a cartoon villain. “Alright, alright. Whatever you say. But I’m close to getting you, just you wait.”
“You are so corny.”
“The old man at the bank asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.”
“Wh- pffft!” Ena tried stifling it, but a fit of giggles quickly took over her. “That is so… what is wrong with you?” she snorted as she laughed, quickly covering her nose and mouth in embarrassment when she realized that she did. Mizuki felt their heart flip.
“See? Told you I could make you laugh!”
“I’m not laughing ‘cause it was funny. I’m laughing ‘cause you’re terrifying .”
“Aw, don’t be a sore loser, Ena,” they felt a small fit of laughter wrack their shoulders. They were glad to have made her laugh— if not to satisfy their competitive spirit, then to at least lighten the mood.
A traitorous part of them wished they could keep that expression on her face forever.
“Whatever. You’re the worst, I don’t even know why I’m friends with you.”
Her usage of the word ‘friends’ made them feel like a weight had just dropped on their foot. Why were they acting like this? Wasn’t that what they had wanted? Ena was their friend. Yet it felt so wrong to say it like that. They didn’t vocalize any of this, of course, instead going with a “Hey now, Ena. Awfully bold of you to say that considering I’m your first friend.”
Ena narrowed her eyes at them. “The hell are you talking about?”
“Look, I know me, Mafuyu, and Kanade are your first experience with friendship, so I know all this is new to you, but that’s no way to t- ow!” they were cut off as Ena marched across to the bed, grabbing a throw pillow and tossing it at their face.
“First of all, payback for earlier. You’ve literally met my friends. You think you’re so cute being deliberately annoying, but you’re not.”
Mizuki almost hurled at her indirectly calling them cute. Don’t read into it, do not read into it. You can’t. Do not.
They placed the pillow down next to them on the bed, looking up at Ena who now stood before them, arms once again crossed. They didn’t realize they were vastly unprepared for having her this close. God, could they just act normal? It wasn’t like this was the first time they’d literally just been in her vicinity.
She was wearing perfume though. Perfume. In her own home. Oh, God…
“What friends? You mean my friends, Airi and Shizuku?” their voice wavered a bit at the beginning. They were more nervous than they had anticipated.
If Ena noticed, she didn’t acknowledge it. Instead she rolled her eyes, and— oh my fucking God —sat next to Mizuki on the bed. Her knee brushed against Mizuki’s and they just about nearly combusted. “You’re acting as if you have any friends outside of us.”
“Excuse you! I do— and as a matter of fact, those friends are the ones who so graciously helped to save you when you walked off a cliff, so show some gratitude!” they said in mock offense. Ena immediately flushed red at the mention of the embarrassing memory, and Mizuki felt a swell of pride and affection well up in them at the sight. They were in it deep.
“Besides, I also have An, and she introduced me to all her friends in her music group, so now I’m friends with them too. Actually, I’ve pretty much become best friends with this one guy in the group, but he has this really annoying sister- ow!” Ena had elbowed them in the shoulder. “Oh come on, you already got even!”
“Mentioning you-know-who in my presence earned you that one. Go ask him out if you love him so much.”
Mizuki stifled a laugh at the irony of that statement. Sorry, Ena. Don’t really swing that way. “Don’t really think I’d have much luck there— seems Aoyagi has me beat on that one.”
Ena scoffed. “Oh, don’t remind me. Akito thinks he’s so subtle, but I swear he brings him around here like, thrice a week.”
Before Mizuki could actually think about what they were about to say, they blurted out “Looks like your li’l bro’s got you beat too! Poor you. Single forever.” Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid ! Why’d they go and say that?! Especially after last night?
Ena turned so red after they said that she could make an apple feel ashamed. “Shut up!” she yelped. “Like you’re one to talk. I highly doubt you’ve ever dated anyone anyways.”
“Wanna bet?” they smirked.
“Only if you want to go broke.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t hold your breath, Enanan,” they held a smug look on their face. “I actually had a girlfriend in junior high.”
Ena snorted. “Oh, yeah? And who was this totally real, totally not made up junior high girl?”
Mizuki’s eyes widened slightly. Oh. They did not think this conversation through. It’s not like it was a secret, but… would Ena… think of less of them if she knew? Would it affect their relationship with Ena? Would it change her feelings about them?
.. Did they want it to?
Still, they couldn’t really lie about it. It would make them seem suspicious, and there couldn’t really be much harm in telling her, right? “It was An, actually.”
Ena looked mildly surprised at that. Intrigued too. “Wait, really? But aren’t you two still…”
The taller of the two scratched at the back of their neck. This conversation had turned awkward quickly. “Yeah, we‘re still friends. We were both figuring ourselves out, and we just kind of… jumped into a relationship. We realized after a while that we really only felt like friends to each other, so we broke it off amicably. It’s fine now, though. She’s got a girlfriend now,” they tried to reassure Ena. Of what? That they were available? Why? Why were they telling her all of this?
Ena didn’t say much, just let out a “Hm.” of interest. She looked down at her lap for a moment, staying silent. She looked as if she was mulling something over in her head. Mizuki felt queasy. Did they mess things up again? God, why did they have to go and run their mouth?
In a desperate attempt to get her talking again, they tentatively asked. “… What about you?”
Ena seemed kind of startled by their sudden question, like she was lost a bit too deep in thought. “Huh? Oh… well, no. Not really,” she fiddled with one of the buttons of her blouse the way she did when she was anxious, and it took literally everything in Mizuki to fight back the urge to grasp her hand in their own. “Don’t tell her I said this, but I used to have the biggest crush on Airi. For two years, in fact,” she chuckled kind of sadly. “But it didn’t work out. She didn’t like me back,” she kept her gaze firmly down.
Mizuki’s eyebrows fumbled in concern, their previous anxieties about themself now on Ena. Was this a touchy subject for her? They shouldn’t’ve even asked. Maybe they had read her all wrong— perhaps she really liked Airi instead.
The thought made Mizuki’s stomach twist so much they nearly wretched. No, no. Don’t do that. That would be good. They couldn’t be with Ena, and Airi was nice. They would be good together.
They couldn’t stand the thought, but they pushed it away. This wasn’t about them. “Did she tell you that?” they asked gently.
Ena shook her head. “No, but I could tell. Plus, she was always so busy with her idol stuff. I felt like she never had time for me, even though I knew she did her absolute best to hang out with me despite our busy schedule. I don’t blame her, but it was hard. I had it bad for her,” she sighed heavily, rubbing her arm with her shoulder. “It’s fine now, I’m over her, but it kinda sucked being that infatuated with someone for so long…” She was looking everywhere but at Mizuki.
After a moment’s worth of silence, she inhaled sharply, then finally turned to look at them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to kill the mood.”
Mizuki quickly shook their head, placing their hand on her shoulder. “No, no, no. It’s okay. Really.” Her skin felt so warm and soft under their touch. They really should not be doing this. They should’ve been distancing themself.
But they couldn’t bring themself to.
They scooched a bit closer to her, their leg now pressing against hers.
“I’m… glad you trusted me enough to share that with me.”
Looking up to meet their eyes, Ena held eye contact with them with a vulnerable expression on her face. When did they get so close? “You’re just really easy to talk to,” she murmured, her voice almost a whisper.
They were very close now. They could see the freckles that dotted across the bridge of her nose. They were so faint, you could only see them if you were really close. They reminded them of a late sky full of stars.
God, what were they thinking? They were too close. Pulling back, Mizuki drew in a sharp breath. “Yeah, um… I think you got lucky. Seems, uh… seems that Airi’s with Shizuku now.”
Ena looked kind of taken aback with how quickly they pulled away. She looked like she had been pulled out of a daze. “Oh.. yeah. I… got that impression too.”
Nice going, dumbass. You made her uncomfortable by practically breathing her air. Say something, you dick! “That or they’re just really really good friends.”
Ena chuckled mutely. “Yeah, sure. Really good friends who feel the need to rub it in my face with their PDA anytime I go out with them.”
“Aw. Want me to be your pretend partner next time you go hang out with them to get back at them?” the words were out of their mouth before they could think. Hell, they weren’t even thinking at this point.
Ena’s eyebrows raised, and a pink hue rose to her cheeks. “Well… I don’t think they’d buy it. I can’t stand you.”
Don’t. “Nah, you love me, really.”
They moved forward, encroaching into her space and towering over her. Ena was short.
“I really, truly do not.” Don’t.
Their thoughts were empty. Every rational thought was banished from their mind. Their brain felt hazy. Their gaze was hard, and Ena’s own matched their intensity. This felt natural. It felt right . They felt warm. Ena’s room was warm. Ena was warm. Being around Ena made them feel warm. The room had gone silent.
“I love you.”