Archive of Our Own

Ling wanted to strangle Greed.

Which meant, in a fucked up sort of way, he wanted to strangle himself.

Great.

Sometimes, Ling confused himself with the pronouns him and Greed shared. On one hand, the body belonged to Ling. Obviously. He had it first! 

But on the other hand, Ling was rarely in control of their his the body. Ed had taken to calling him "Greedling," and Ling wasn't quite sure how to feel about it. It made sense, yeah, but it felt like giving up. This was Ling's body.

Wasn't it?

"It's ours now. Get used to it," Greed told Ling inside their head, sounding way too happy.

Right. Ling wanted to strangle Greed. Himself. Them. Whatever.

Because Ed and Greed- they were so fucking similar in all the ways they pissed Ling off. 

Now, this isn't a bad thing, exactly. They're both allowed to like whatever they want, except when that thing is awful. Then Ling has to put his foot down. He simply cannot have his body being related to anything- Ugh. Ling shudders at the word.

Goth.

It makes Ling want to throw up.

It's so tacky, so dark, so emo. It's atrocious and makes Ling want to tear his eyes out every time he sees Ed in those stupid leather pants, and that stupid leather jacket. And that is just so great for Ling, considering it's all he ever wears. Thankfully, he hasn't had too much of a chance to wear it lately, given the fact that they are on the run and his outfit is incredibly recognizable. This has, however, opened up a chance for Ed to dye his hair black.

Blegh. As someone with black hair, Ling can say that Ed does not pull it off.

Now, Ling doesn't know Alphonse that well, but given how sensible he seems, Ling can sort of kinda maybe hopefully trust that he disapproves of Edward's horrendous outfits.

Horrendous. That word is simply the embodiment of Greed.

Heh. Embodiment.

Point is, both Emo- sorry- Edward and Greed are so emo, it makes Ling physically ill.

It had started about a week ago.

Ed and Greed had been bickering, as they usually did. Ling was glad that if anything, Greed was keeping your their bodily tradition of teasing Edward at any given and possible moment. It was an activity both of them enjoyed. But honestly, at this point, Ling couldn't tell if they were more comparable to an old married couple, or an old divorced married couple.

Ling cringed at the thought of them being married.

"Look, who's in charge here?" Greed had asked (obviously meant to be a rectorial question), while sighing and putting his hand on his hip. In their mind, Ling cheerfully informed Greed that he looked like a tired mother lecturing their child, and Ling watched as the hand went down and a middle finger emerged in their shared brain mass.

"Usually whoever yells the loudest," Ed confessed honestly, and Ling ignored how they went back to arguing.

Being Sorta Possessed Slash Sharing A Body with/by a homunculus was a strange experience from a first hand perspective. When he was controlling the body, it was exactly the same as it's always been. Of course, the same with the additional added commentary. But when he wasn't, when he was just a spectator in his own body, it was a strange experience. 

Ling thought of it like being in a giant movie theater- one that is large, completely red, and looks what medical textbooks depict as veins. Except, instead of veins, it's thousands of souls who were sacrificed thousands of years ago to even make Greed.

Well, the old Greed. The Greed currently neighboring his body was only like, three weeks old.

Baby.

Anyways- the body, right. Giant movies theater, Soul Veins, the apparent lack of gravity, and the fact that sometimes Greed would just inhabit his little area by moving and shaping a bunch of human souls. That, with the funky way of having his own little body inside of his mind, inside of his body. His clothes are the same as before he was turned into Greedling, and when Greed is in control of their body, it turns into the weird atrocious leather suit thing. However, when Ling is in control, they go back to his classic pants and jacket combo.

Ling is not a science person. He does not think about the science behind that.

Instead, Ling thinks about Ed's response to Greed's (rectorial) question.

He was right, actually. Usually, no one cared enough to actually put up an effort, so Greed just ended up being the loudest. Ed was usually the only one who gave him a run for his money, and that was just because Ed liked antagonizing people.

Even if Ed was naturally on the louder side, he didn't really make an effort to be loud aside from when he was yelling about his height. Both Heinkel and Darius had the capacity to be loud, but with Ed, Greed, and Ling already in the mix, they didn't really care for it. Usually, Greed was the only one who actually put in any effort.

'Huh,' Ling thought. "He's right, y'know," Ling told Greed inside their head, uncaring about the fact that the conversation had probably moved on by now. They were on one of the few trains they had been able to catch, heading to a nearby town. Ed was making a random new satanic circle and Greed had moved his consciousness up to talk to Ling face-to-face. 

Or, about as close to face-to-face as you could get when sharing a body with another person.

"What do'ya mean 'He's right'?" Greed questioned.

"We don't have like, a concrete leader. Usually whoever talks the loudest and makes the most sense calls the shots. The person in charge could easily be any of us," Ling pointed out, arms crossed and legs crossed to match.

Greed made a face, before grinning. "'Cept for you, Princey Boy. No one can hear you but me."

Ling argued back, both of them unaware of Ed trying to get the attention of their body.

He had tried several times in several different ways, including, but not limited to:

• Yelling in their ear.
• Slapping them in the face.
• Pushing them over.
• Pinching them.

Darius and Heinkel had made him stop soon after, and Ed reluctantly set down the bucket of water he was about to dump over their body. He resolved to let them finish their conversation, and then one of them would get back in control of the body again. Probably Greed.

They had about ten minutes before they got to town anyways. If worse came to worse, and they took too long, one of the Darius or Heinkel could just lug them over their shoulder until one of them came to claim temporary ownership of the body. It had happened before, and that's what they had done last time, and the time before that. Greed had gotten used to it, but the first time he came to over Darius's shoulder, he kneed him in the face and punched him in the back.

Great way to avoid drawing attention to themselves.

Ed decided to wait, sitting against a wall and twirling a pencil before transmuting it into a small wooden bird. He wondered what they were talking about.

"You can't own the whole world! That's too much! I can give you a country at best-"

"Only one country? Not even two?"

"One country is more than enough- Have you seen how big it is? It's got fifty clans-"

By the time Greed had returned to man their body, the group was already in the town.

They were surveying the area, just sorta walking around. Darius had Greedling over his shoulder and was talking to Ed about something. Ed hadn't gone with an extreme disguise this time, simply tying his (thankfully, blond) hair in a bun and replacing his red overcoat with a black one. Heinkel was going over their grocery supplies list. He listed off a few, but Greed wasn't really paying attention. He clambered off Darius' shoulder, nodding at him and receiving one in turn.

"We don't need more clothes. I can just transmute them," Ed argued against Heinkel. It's not that having more clothes would hurt, but it would be more to carry.

"I know, but we need more in general. If you want, we can get some cloth and you can alchemize-" ("Transmute.") "-that. But this way, we'll have more disguises that way."

"Fine. But I get to choose my own!" Ed yelled, finally on board. He skipped ahead, and Heinkel gave an exasperated look over at Darius, who shrugged.

Greed grinned. This would be fun.

Inside their mind, Ling groaned, slapping a hand on his face and dragging it down. This would not be fun.

Ling knew he was right to be worried.

He watched in growing horror as Ed and Greed passed shirts back and forth, chatting and not fighting in the slightest. It was so out of character Ling would've worried about one of them being Envy if not for the fact that Ling was literally sharing a body with Greed, and Ed had done alchemy only minutes earlier.

Talk about a mindfuck.

"You will not put the horrid thing on my body!" Ling complained in their head, talking about the (more skin than shirt, really) piece of cloth that Greed was making their body hold. As if he was going to purchase it. And make them wear it.

Greed simply grinned savagely, asking, "Well there's not much you can do about that, is there?"

Ling groaned for at least the hundredth time that day, stuffing his face in his hands inside his little Home-Mind Movie Theater.

Days later, they were still tormenting him!

He swore, one day, he would burn all goth clothes.

A kiss on his cheek startled him, and he turned to see Ed, smirking at him.

His face immediately flushed red, and suddenly even more grateful that Greed was currently dormant, in what could only be best explained as the homunculus  version of sleeping. Usually, Ling would be doing things that he couldn't do while he was the one dormant, like actually burning Ed and Greed's clothes instead of just thinking about it.

"What was that for?" Ling choked out, feeling very out of his element. This... thing he'd been having with Ed had not yet been put into words, and at this point, Ling hadn't known if it was ever going to be.

"You looked pissed," Ed told him, like that was an acceptable excuse. Ling took the time to notice that his face was also flushed red like he had just kissed Ling out of instinct instead of thought.

It made Ling feel warm.

"I am pissed," Ling says instead of talking about the kiss. Ed grinned sharply, and he looked so attractive it made Ling want to grab his smirking face and kiss him right on the lips. Even in his ugly-ass emo clothes.

"Hm? You angry 'cause Greed and I know what fashion is?" Ed says in a whiney voice as if he were talking to a child. But Ling knows that Edward does not talk to children this way. Ling knows that Ed does anything in his power to avoid talking to children, because children are, in his words, "Little spawns of the Devil! Everyone knows! Even I know and I'm an atheist!"

Ling, instead of admitting defeat, pushes back into the line of Ed's torso, putting an arm over his shoulder. "Yes!" Ling cries dramatically, putting a hand to his head. He falls back off their shared log, dragging Edward with him.

Ed squawks, and Ling lies on the ground next to him, face turned away and hand still on his forehead as if he were checking for a fever. In reality, he's doing his best to hide his face from Ed, because even if the other teen already knows how he affects Ling, Ling will die before he admits it.

Besides. It runs in his blood to be dramatic. His father is proof enough of that.

(Seriously. Who makes a whole competition to see how many of your children can kill each other, just so that you can be immortal? Even Greed isn't that dramatic, and that says a lot.)

Ling turns back to Ed, who is giggling slightly, eyes sparkling- and wow that was sappy. Ling can hear the sound of Greed throwing up in his head.

He plants a little kiss on Ed's lips, who goes a little-cross eyed to look at it before flushing red and jumping up.

Ling lets out a laugh, loud and happy, and decides that the clothing burning can wait 'till tomorrow.