Chapter Text
The Girls, Gays, and Jonathan
robin : okay whoever made us take this class is going to fucking hell
steve: munson if u fucking say my name im killing you msyelf
eddie: myself*
steve: MY 13TH REASON
robin: listen. Ok. if you make a 13 reasons why reference youre automatically dead
eddie: 🥺
robin: i will string ur guts up and play them like a fiddle at band
eddie: YOU PLAY FRENCH HORN?????
nancy: CAN I HAVE ONE NORMAL DAY IN THIS GROUPCHAT PLEASE
jonathan: technically steve is already going to hell
steve: MY POINT EXACTLY
nancy: i cant anymore
robin: you guys are torturing nance with your stupidity
robin: leave her alone!!!!!!
nancy: no no, everyone here is you're not an exception 🤷♂️
eddie: LMAOAOAOAOOA
nancy: why do you laugh like that
steve: im going to shit bricks in this class PLS
jonathan : ok
steve: i need new friends.. hating on a poor bisexual man doesnt look good for you!
robin: yeah yeah whatever we’re ur only friends your age dingus
eddie: amenorrhea to that or whatever the jesus people say 🙏🙏
jonathan: ?!!¥?>_|!>|€}?¥!¥!9
nancy: mf that means u dont bleed out of ur pussy..
steve: at least henderson doesnt laugh at those fucking blurred photos 💀
robin: hes like two and so are the rest of the kids give them a break
jonathan: theyre
jonathan: theyre fifteen
nancy: SENDING THIS TO MIKE RN
steve: I THINK ROBIN IS GOING TO DIE FROM LAUGHTER
nancy: but seriously robin is kinda right.. like i cant picture mike who looked like a lump of raisin when he was born being fifteen
eddie: arent all babies supposed to. Like. be raisins and cry
jonathan: not will
jonathan: he didnt cry at all, he started crying when my dad came in though
robin: LMFAOOOOO
robin: little guy hates him slay
steve: now who taught u that young lady….
nancy: she literally runs stan twt atp
robin: YEAH I DO
eddie: u shouldve seen the beef she had with a nicki minaj acc it was hilarious
nancy: holy shit yeah
eddie: she was all up that accs ass and promoting taylor instead of giving comebacks 💀💀
steve: wipes tear im so proud
jonathan: didnt know you were into roleplay, weird kink but ok
robin: JONATHAN 😭
eddie: its always the silent ones goddammit
The Party
mike: DUSTIN
mike: DUSTIN??? @Dustin @Dustin @Dustin
mike: DUSTIN CMON
max: CAN YOU FUCKING USE DMS GOD MEN THESE DAYS
mike: its urgent
will: What happened this time?
lucas: lmao bless your soul for using perfect punctuation
will: Thank you?
el: please stop blowing up my phone in the middle of history thanks
lucas: yea bless ur soul too
mike: DUSTIN FUCKING HENDERSON I DONT CARE IF YOURE KISSING SUZIE RN ANSWER YOUR PHONE
max: what did he like blow something up
max: or catch your sister and robin being close friends
el: i dont understand, why would mike get upset if nancy is close friends with robin?
will: Damn.
max: oh u sweet summer child
mike: nance is still dating jonathan..
max: sad.
lucas: and to think hopper teaches her how to use tasers but not this 🤨
dustin: MIKE
dustin: i swear to god you little shitcake what do you want
dustin: i am in the middle of something IMPORTANT
dustin: life changing even
mike: screenshot.jpg
max: WHAT
dustin: WHY DID YOU @ ME FOR THIS SPECIFICALLY
mike: cause robins like your third parent or whatever
lucas: if we sent will do you think they’d reconsider…
dustin: hes like 5’10 probably??
el: i thought we were fifteen?? why is robin calling us two????
max: ok. Listen. el so basically
max: its like
max: um
mike: its this thing called ageist!
dustin: isnt that fucking tiktok slang
dustin: mike wheeler is on FUCKING tiktok??????
will: LOL. Why is Mike on fucking TikTok??
lucas: okay whatever ms byers is teaching you with social media is WRONG
max: can we talk about dustin doing smth “life changing” like
max: not impressed just concerned
dustin: awww she loves me!
max: like hell
mike: LMFAO
el: yes i also want to know what dustin was doing
dustin: okay okay so get this im talking to suzie right and shes all like ‘dusty-bun what if cerebro breaks?’ and im like ‘suzie, cerebro can never break’
lucas: is there a point to this story or
lucas: cause my mom said i gotta be home by eight
dustin: SHUT UP
dustin: and then she goes ‘just like our love?’ and i reply with yeah but then suddenly i had a revelation
max: this is the worst thing ive heard
max: AND BILLY HARGROVE IS MY FUCKING BROTHER
max: those moans im going to punch a wall
el: moans.. they are happy screams right?
mike: HELPMESMZK
el: ?
will: Jeez. Even I know that.
lucas: max wtf did you tell her
lucas: happy screams??????? HAPPY SCREAMS??????
dustin: so when a man and a woman love each other very much
mike: THATS PREGNANCY
dustin: …
el: dustin, continue
max: no no no im taking over
max: so el theres this thing, where when two people love each other very much they want to sleep in the same bed
max: together
el: …but the happy screams?
max: when they sleep together, they uh
el: have nightmares?
max: no!!! i mean yes if youre like sleeping with billy
dustin: this is so painful to watch
mike: its sad even
max: ANYWAYS so when they sleep together they start doing.. things
el: like happy screams?
max: yes because they sleep without clothes!
el: oh
el: so anyone can do it?
max: not just anyone, its mainly with someone you love but you can also do it with random people if ur brave enough or if its a job
el: like ms. byers and hopper?
lucas: IM GOING TO CRY
will: I might vomit if I think about that.
mike: same buddy.. same buddy…
Hawkins’ Smartest feat. Steve
dustin: do you ever think about the fact that mike used to make those poem tiktoks
nancy: HE USED TO WHAT NOW
nancy: dustin. what is his fucking user
max: shes gonna delete it
steve: HELP????
dustin: @wheelr.mikepoems
max: wtf is that name
steve: WHAT IS THIS
dustin: HE WROTE THEM WHEN HE WAS LIKE IDFK TWELVE
steve: nance im so sry but your brother is like.. really bad at making poems…..
nancy: MY EYES
nancy: im going to collapse into a puddle and never come back again
dustin: my reaction when i found out abt this
steve: nah who tf writes “your eyes are green like the last bottle of sprite in my fridge / i cant cross this already breaking bridge”
max: he’s so corny ffs 💀
dustin: CAN HAT EVEN COUNT QS A POEM
nancy: THAT LITTLE FUCKER..
nancy: wait who tf was he writing about
steve: idk it says anon for every poem he writes abt
nancy: I SWEAR IM GONNA DLETE THAT ACCOUNT IF I GET MY HANDS ON IT
max: so true!!
Direct Messages ⇄ Steve & Robin
robin: hey dingus
robin: ily
steve: omg whats this??? robin and her heart of stone is capable of the l word???
robin: ok now i hate you
steve: fine
steve: ilyt
steve: now go to sleep its like 4 in the morning and you have school
robin : you remember 🥺
robin: hes going soft!!!!!
steve: its a weekday tomorrow..
robin: technicalities
robin: anywyas
robin: yea i couldnt sleep
robin: can i come to your house
robin: pleek
robin 🥺
steve: HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET OUT
steve: please dont say window
robin: w
robin: omw to ur house!!!!!!
steve: god help me
Direct Messages ⇄ Steve & Nancy
steve: nance
steve: hey
steve: akjdkskaodufjdksjs
steve: cmon i know you’re awake at this hour
steve: nancy
steve: earth to nancy
steve: answer ur phon
steve: e
steve: pls
steve: NANCY WHEELER
steve: im going to start calling your house phone if you dont reply
steve: in three
steve: two
nancy: STEVE
nancy: listen yes we are friends and have been through some life horrifying shit but please
nancy: i have a test tomorrow and if i dont memorise these flashcards by 7 im going to flunk and my future is zilch
steve: its about robin
steve: ur in the same grade right
nancy: yeah whats up? is she okay?
steve: damn the mood change
nancy: steve
steve: OKAY so basically shes at my house rn and shes out cold
steve: also she doesnt wanna go to. school…
steve: can u pls cover for her or smthg
nancy: why is robin at your house
nancy: and fine okay whatever sure ill do it, say shes sick or something i dont know
steve: i am getting mixed signals here..
nancy: STEVE