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What do people do when they receive gifts?
That is the question Yunho asked himself every birthday, Christmas or other holidays when he would receive gifts.
He has seen it himself. People smile, laugh, cry, it made him confused. How was he supposed to react to receiving a gift? Which reaction fit the best with the gift he received? If it was a funny gift, he would laugh. But that is the only one he knew how to react to. How do you react to a gift that you like? Do you smile? Do you cry? Do you also laugh? Maybe giggle?
So, Yunho's friends decided to throw a small party and everyone had to bring a random gift. The party was announced shortly before the day it was being held, next Saturday. Yunho had exactly five days to think of what gift he should buy, to prepare to buy the gift, to get the gift and to wrap the gift. He had to do so much, but he had no time. All of those five days had been planned out already and he was going to be busy. He also had little to no time to mentally prepare for the party. These five days were going to be very stressful.
He also did not know what to expect of the party. He heard from Hongjoong that Mingi, Seonghwa, Wooyoung, San, Yeosang and Jongho were invited. A small group of people and he knew all of them very well. But Hongjoong had not said why Yunho had to buy a gift, also saying there was a surprise. Yunho knew that if there was a surprise, he was not supposed to be questioning any further, but it made him very anxious. What would the surprise be? What if the surprise were the gifts? What if he bought the wrong gift? What if he would be the one receiving a gift? What if he did not know how to react? Would they laugh at him? Would they never want to hang out with him anymore?
The five days leading up to the party were indeed quite stressful. Yunho had ordered something from an online shop after two days of thinking about what to buy, so he did not have to go out to get it. It was something small, funny, yet useful, or at least that is what he thought. It was a cooking alarm that played a song when the time was up. When it arrived, he immediately wrapped it and put it in his bag so he would not forget it. The remaining few days he spent stressing over what would happen at the party. He was just guessing at this point, standing in front of the mirror practicing facial expressions for certain situations that might happen until it left him exhausted, going to bed and quietly crying himself to sleep.
That Saturday morning, Yunho woke up early. Very early. It was 06:51 to be exact. He got out of bed with a stomachache, one he was too familiar with. Stress and anxiety flooded his brain and affected his entire body. Still, he tried to do his morning routine as usual, though he could not get any food down his throat and it took him a whole hour to finish his breakfast (just a piece of bread with peanut butter). He could not put a comfortable outfit on either, since he had to go to a party, so he had to wear jeans and a shirt he was not comfortable with. What a surprise, the day was already ruined.
Yunho could not do anything for the rest of the day, since he had to go to the party at 17:00, so he sat down on his favourite spot on the couch and went on his phone. He caught himself repeatedly opening Twitter, then Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter again, Instagram... And it went on for a few hours until he got sick of it and noticed that it was 12:36. He should probably get some lunch, but he knew he would not be able to swallow any of it. Every food would taste very dry in his mouth. A glass of water would be okay, but once he grabbed a glass of water and put it on the table, he forgot about it as he went back to focussing on his phone. Then, his phone stressed him out again. He could not stare at the screen for any longer or it would burn his eyes. Oh, right, he had some water. Maybe he should take an anti-stress pill with that. Going to the kitchen. Now why did he go to the kitchen again? Water! Right. Water. Grabbing a glass of water and going back to the living room. There is still a glass of water on the table. Now he had two glasses of water. Okay. Okay. Fine. Drink one, put the glass back in the kitchen. Maybe an anti-stress pill would help? Searching, searching... His phone! Maybe he had some new notifications. Walking back to the living room, sitting down, going on his phone... No! Too much screentime! Anti-stress pill? Water! No! He had water already! Kitchen... Living room... Kitchen... Pills! Water? Kitchen... Living room! Phone?
Huh? 16:37?
Yunho had to get ready and leave!
He forgot all about his water and pills and put his jacket and shoes on, put everything he needed in a backpack and left the apartment. Hongjoong's apartment was in a different building, but not far away. It was in the same street as his own apartment building, but going outside was still an obstacle. He was walking through the halls of his own building and passed a few neighbours. They always say hi to him, but Yunho was already stressed out and exhausted so he forgot and started feeling even worse. As he finally exited the building, he mentally started beating himself up for not taking his headphones with him. There were people everywhere and there were so many loud noises and he noticed that he had forgotten about the construction site near his building. He hated the city sometimes.
Yunho walked through the crowd and even if Hongjoong's apartment was close, time passed by really slow. He felt like everyone was looking at him, judging him, pointing out all of his imperfections and laughing at him. So many thoughts, his brain started feeling fuzzy and tears started forming in his eyes. The noises were too loud and added more stress. A dog started barking, a woman started screaming, sirens could be heard in the distance, tourists taking pictures of buildings, a street musician playing music loudly, people cheering for the street musician... Too much, too much, too much! Too much!
He ran, even when he was in the building, until he finally reached Hongjoong's apartment and stood there for a moment, eyes closed and trying to take deep breaths. After so many years, he fully mastered control over his emotions and was now able to painfully force a smile onto his face as he fixed his slightly messy hair. It was called masking and he was good at it, but it was exhausting and he was already too overwhelmed so the chances of breaking down soon were big. He could only hope that he would not break down at the party.
Yunho knocked on the door and Hongjoong opened it almost immediately. Yunho greeted him with a smile.
"Hello." His voice was a bit shaky, but the smile on his face would hopefully be convincing enough that he was fine.
"Hey man! Did you take a gift with you?" Hongjoong said and smiled back at Yunho.
Yunho nodded and they walked into the apartment. Hongjoong's apartment was not as big as Yunho's, but there was enough space for him to host a party for eight people. Everyone was sitting in the living room already and it made Yunho worry that he arrived too late, but it was exactly 17:00 and no one had said anything about it. It was okay, right?
He put his backpack on the dining table, where the others had placed their bags too, and grabbed the gift to put it aside with the other gifts. He turned around and spotted an empty place next to Seonghwa on the couch and mentally cheered. He loved all of the people at the party, they were his best friends and the only friends he had too, but Seonghwa was a bit more special. Seonghwa was the one who he shared all his secrets with and who would comfort him when he needed it the most and right now, he could definitely use a hug. He sat down next to Seonghwa and without saying anything, Seonghwa pulled him into a hug. Yunho knew this was a way of greeting people, but it still felt nice. When Seonghwa let go, he felt a bit sad, but smiled anyway.
"I haven't seen you in a while," Seonghwa smiled but the smile turned into a look of worry, or at least that is what Yunho guessed it was.
"Is everything okay?"
Yunho nodded.
The smile returned on Seonghwa's face. "Okay. I know how much you hate parties and surprises, so let me know if you need to get out of the room to take a break. I thought I told Joong about it, but I guess I forgot and now he's making it a surprise thing too. That was a bit stupid."
"It is fine. I think. I mean, I had some stress today, but it is okay." Yunho said and tried to put on his most convincing smile.
Seonghwa looked at him with a face that Yunho could not quite decipher, but it was not good. Their interaction was interrupted by Hongjoong, finally announcing what they were going to do with the gifts.
"Attention everyone!" He yelled and Yunho almost covered his ears with his hands. "So, everyone has brought a gift. You didn't write any names on the gifts, which is exactly the point. We're all going to grab a random gift, which is not the one you bought, and we're going to play a game with it!"
"Was that the surprise?" Yeosang asked.
Hongjoong smiled. "Eh, the surprise will be later I think?"
"Anyway, I think it sounds fun. It's like the thing we do when it's Christmas, right?" Mingi asked, saving Hongjoong from answering any more questions about the surprise.
Hongjoong nodded. "Yep! But because it's not a holiday Jongho and I thought it would be fun to have a smaller version of the game with one gift per person."
Yunho sighed in relief. He knew this game. He hated it, but at least it was not unfamiliar to it. This was okay.
Everyone got their gifts and sat down to play the game. It was a game that Hongjoong made up for Christmas once and it was something with dices and it had to be done in half an hour, then they would unpack the gifts. So, half an hour later it was finally time to unpack. Yunho really dreaded this part and wanted the couch to swallow him whole so he would not have to do it. First it was Yeosang's turn. He got a My Little Pony set for some reason. Wooyoung started giggling and everyone immediately knew where the gift came from, laughing at the way Yeosang was glaring at him and talking about revenge. The second person was Hongjoong, who got an oversized T-shirt with Jongho's face on it. So far, there were two funny gifts and it made Yunho sigh in relief. This was going to be fine, he knew how to react to funny gifts. Jongho got a giant rubber ducky from Seonghwa and Mingi got a bottle of wine from Hongjoong. Then it was Yunho's turn. He was nervous and hoped for a funny gift, but when he opened it, there was a plushie. He recognised it, it was the labrador plushie from Ikea. He loved it and smiled while hugging the plushie.
"Whose gift was this?" He asked.
Yeosang smiled at Yunho and raised his hand. "Mine! I already hoped that you would get it."
Hearing that from his friend made him happy and his reaction to the gift seemed to satisfy Yeosang, so he thought he did pretty well. Seonghwa was next and Yunho recognised the gift immediately, it was the one he bought. He got nervous again, especially since Seonghwa was the one to open it, but he had nothing to be nervous for. As Seonghwa opened the gift, he saw immediately what it was and cheered.
"This is exactly what I needed because mine broke today! Oh my god it even has a music ringtone! Who bought this?" Seonghwa said excitedly as he slightly bounced on the couch.
"I did." Yunho said and smiled at Seonghwa.
Seonghwa carefully wrapped his arms around Yunho and muttered a 'thank you'. When they let go, it was San's turn. He unwrapped the gift and Mingi and Jongho immediately started giggling. San sighed and pulled a pair of handcuffs and a red vibrator out of the box. They all started to laugh, even Yunho laughed along.
"Okay, who the fuck bought this?" San asked.
Mingi and Yeosang shared a look that said it all and San noticed it. "You two! Once we're done I'm going to kill both of you!"
But it was not very convincing as he started laughing too. It took a while for everyone to calm down and then the last person started getting a bit impatient.
"Is it my turn now?" Wooyoung pouted.
San looked at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Go ahead babe."
Wooyoung did a little cheer before he finally unwrapped the little gift. After unwrapping, there was a little black velvet box left. He opened it and inside was a beautiful thin silver ring. Wooyoung looked confused and some of the others also looked confused, but Hongjoong smiled knowingly. San got on one knee in front of Wooyoung and everyone in the room gasped, except Yunho. He just stared confusedly at the pair.
As San started talking and finally asked if Wooyoung wanted to marry him, Yunho understood what was happening. Ah, so that was the surprise.
After that, things got overwhelming. Wooyoung was crying (Yunho guessed that they were happy tears), San was holding Wooyoung, somehow Hongjoong and Mingi were also shedding tears and everyone was talking. Yunho sat there like a lost puppy, not being able to focus on any of the conversations. There was too much going on. Even when Seonghwa asked him if he wanted to go somewhere more quiet, he could barely register his words. Seonghwa saw what was going on and grabbed his hand to take him to the kitchen, away from all of the chaos. Yunho still had the plushie in his hands and held onto it with a tight grip.
"What's wrong Yun?" Seonghwa asked.
Yunho did not know how to answer such a simple question. Sure, he knew he was getting overwhelmed and that he needed to get away from his friends as soon as possible before he would have a breakdown, but somehow the words got stuck in his throat and he could not say them out loud. Instead, tears burned in his eyes, waiting to spill. He did not want to cry in front of his best friend like that, but he could not help it. Soon enough, tears started running down his cheeks and the only word that left his mouth was 'sorry'. Seonghwa gasped and carefully pulled Yunho in for a hug, not wanting to scare him away. They stood like that for a few minutes until Seonghwa pulled away again and made Yunho look at him. Well, sort of. Yunho was not very good at eye contact, especially in situations like this.
"Yunho, sweetie, you do remember that I know about your autism? You know you don't have to mask around us, I've told you that before. And you know you can always tell me if something's wrong, right? I love you so much and it breaks my heart to see you so overwhelmed." Seonghwa said and smiled sadly.
Right.
Yunho forgot about that sometimes.
He was constantly masking around everyone, so much that he had forgotten that his friends knew that he had autism and needed breaks sometimes during social gatherings and they knew that he had different ways of communicating with people. He could be himself around them, but he forgot. Again.
Seonghwa's voice was soft and comforting as he talked further when he knew Yunho would not respond. "It's okay, just keep that in mind. How overwhelming is it?"
Again, Yunho could not find the right words to say. In overwhelming situations, he often went non-verbal and would not talk unless he really had no choice. Seonghwa knew about this and noticed it.
"You're non-verbal right now. That's okay. That's totally fine." Seonghwa grabbed his phone and opened the notes app, so Yunho could use it to 'talk'. "Tell me what you want to do. Do you want to go home? Or do you want me to explain everything to the guys and go on with the party? Or something else maybe?"
Yunho typed quickly. I want to stay, but I need a moment to calm down. You can tell the others what happened.
Seonghwa nodded. "Okay, maybe I can suggest that we do something more calm, like watching a movie? Oh, I bet they wanna watch some sappy romantic comedy right now! Yep, that's a good idea, don't you think?"
Yunho had a small smile on his face and nodded. Seonghwa told Yunho to stay in the kitchen and come back to the living room when he was ready. Meanwhile, Seonghwa went to their friends and explained the situation. They were very understanding and liked Seonghwa's idea of watching a movie. Yunho calmed down after a while and joined them on the couch again, cuddling up to Seonghwa and still holding his plushie tightly. He noticed Wooyoung sending him a small reassuring smile and he gave Wooyoung a thumbs up. Wooyoung laughed a bit and then focussed on the TV again with the movie just about to start.
This was their definition of a party. No loud music, no dancing, no alcohol, just a bunch of friends cuddled up on the couch and watching movies.
These kinds of parties were not so bad after all.