Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Yusuke woke up, his first impression was that he'd traveled backwards in time.

He didn't even have to open his eyes before remembrance set in. There were things you recognized too deeply to need to see them, or hear or touch them; things that you were just aware of, with a sixth sense. He didn't know where he was or how he'd gotten there, but he knew who was with him.

And because of who was with him, he didn't feel the need to open his eyes.

There are ways you move and speak that in a hundred years, I wouldn't forget. Yusuke shut his eyes tighter as her voice spoke softly inside his head. Could he remember exactly what Keiko moved like? How her hair shifted on her shoulders when she turned her head? The exact nuance of her voice? All of it seemed so far away. Even the memory of what she'd said was only an echo. He wished something would take its place.

Though unspoken, his wish was granted. Someone spoke, and this time it was a voice Yusuke heard with his ears and not his imagination, quiet but real. "He's waking up."

The second person, the one who hadn't spoken, shifted slightly. He was sitting closer than Yusuke had originally guessed. How many years had it been since Yusuke had seen them--either of them? Although, technically, you still haven't seen them. So how many years since he had sensed their presence when he woke, scented them in the air? It was still comforting somehow, even after so much time and strife. But then it occurred to him to wonder what the hell either of them were doing there, and that finally got him to open his eyes.

The three of them were inside a cave, lit by a mixture of weak daylight struggling through the entrance and strategically placed plants that were glowing softly. Hiei, the one who had spoken, was methodically and viciously shredding one of the plants; Kurama, the one who was sitting near him, was pointedly ignoring this. Instead, Kurama's attention was fixed on Yusuke, his expression grave. "How are you feeling?"

"Nostalgic," Yusuke replied immediately.

Kurama smiled slightly, without it reaching his eyes. "I can sympathize. Can you move?"

Yusuke stretched experimentally. He could tell immediately he was in bad shape--he felt like a truck had driven over him a couple dozen times, and then he'd slept for a week in a cold dark place. Still, nothing seemed broken. And Kurama's expression would have been far different if Yusuke had been in any serious danger. He recalled Kurama had asked him a question. "Looks like I can."

"Stand up," Hiei ordered from across the cave, without looking at him.

Yusuke gave it a shot, but his knees buckled under him and a dull buzzing filled his ears as his vision fled. When he came back to full awareness he realized he had collapsed, but Kurama had moved quickly to keep him from hitting his head.

"What are you two doing here anyway?" he wondered aloud, looking at Kurama's half-concerned, half-annoyed expression.

"Obviously, caring for you," Kurama replied.

"Why? I can take care of myself."

Hiei gave an expressive snort. "I seriously doubt that," he muttered, still intent on mutilating the plant.

"I second the doubt," Kurama said. "If I recall the human term correctly, Yusuke, this is an intervention."

Yusuke blinked, then narrowed his eyes. Neither of you can bring me out of this. Neither of you tried to when it first happened. "Thanks, but no thanks."

"That's not an option," Hiei said curtly, finally looking at him. "Do you think the two of us got together like this on a whim? You're going to listen to us and see reason before you leave this cave."

"I don't need people I haven't seen in ten years telling me what's wrong with my life," Yusuke shot back. I know just fine without being told.

"Nevertheless, Yusuke, you'll have to listen to us. Wherever we were in the past, whatever's happened, we're here now." There he went, halfway reading Yusuke's mind. That always happened with Kurama. "Furthermore, in the state that you're in you can't fight either one of us, let alone both of us. So you'll have to deal with our good intentions until you're stronger, at least."

Yusuke had realized that from the moment he woke up and sensed that both of them were nearby--that he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. A part of him didn't even mind. If he could have somehow gone back to the time in his life that they'd been a part of, when all of them had been together, he'd have done it in a heartbeat. "Maybe so. But I don't need this."

"You know how much you do," Kurama contradicted softly, giving Yusuke a look he couldn't stand--one of pity. Kurama looked like he would have said more but stopped as Yusuke stumbled to his feet again, warily half-crouching with hands braced against his legs to keep from falling again.

"Where do you think you're going?" Hiei asked sharply.

"Outside, before I piss my pants," Yusuke replied, taking a few tentative steps. "And I do not. Need you two, I mean."

"Yusuke, out of every action you've taken in the last decade, not a single good thing has come of it."

"Oh yeah?" Yusuke lurched unsteadily towards the entrance, feeling his muscles complain. He must have really taken a beating. "I can think of one thing."

"Oh?"

Pausing to rest his hand against the cave wall before venturing outside, Yusuke turned and looked over his shoulder. "You two are talking to each other again."

Both demons blinked; both of them carefully did not look at the other, not even the slightest hint of a glance. Yusuke turned and stumbled outside.

Chapter Text

After relieving himself Yusuke stayed outside, not in a hurry to return to either the stuffy air or the tension inside the cave. He sat down to rest his back against the sun-warmed wall, knowing that if he attempted to wander off he wouldn't get far. He wondered what part of Makai they were in. That they were in Makai and not Ningenkai he didn't question; the smell of the air was unmistakable. He had never quite gotten used to it, after all these years.

It wasn't long before Kurama also came outside. He stood next to where Yusuke was sitting, also leaning against the wall, and spoke without looking at him. "You should consider it the highest of compliments that Hiei and I are on speaking terms," he said, as if there had been no break in the conversation. "We wouldn't do it for anyone else."

"Like I said. One good thing."

"We will take care of you until we believe you can take care of yourself again. You will not find being taken care of by us very pleasant, by the way, so hopefully you'll be back to your old self in no time." Yusuke marveled at Kurama's ability to speak so pleasantly and viciously at the same time. "After that, you can do as you wish. But you should be aware that if you continue the path you've been on, I will fight you at some point. I don't like what you've been doing."

Even with the bluntest of criticism, Kurama's voice was mellow, exactly as it had been when he was fifteen. His body was exactly the same too, not having aged a day--apparently he'd stuck to his resolve not to inhabit Youko's body, even now that he was living in Makai. It was increasing Yusuke's sense of nostalgia tenfold--it also made him wonder if his own human form had aged. He hadn't tried to inhabit it in ages.

He found himself speaking. "I don't like what I've been doing either. Or what Hiei's been doing. You, I don't know about. Can't keep track of you."

"That's the difference between myself and either of you," Kurama replied. "I can go underground for a century or so and not consider the time wasted. I intend to wait this out."

Yusuke wasn't sure what "this" Kurama was referring to: Yusuke's actions, or Hiei's actions, or possibly Hiei's very existence. Or just their situation in general. "You think we'll both be gone in a century, huh?"

Kurama glanced at him. "At the rate you're going, Yusuke, you'll be gone in a few years."

There was no threat to his voice; no pity, either. Some sorrow--so we're still friends--but mostly, just a calculated assessment. Yusuke managed a lopsided grin. "Well, hell, you know me. Dying's usually good for me."

Kurama gave him a hard look. "Yusuke, do you even realize what it is you're addicted to?"

The same lopsided grin--the one Yusuke had developed to privately say fuck off to the world. "Well, some people call it snow angel."

Kurama didn't smile. "Or snow for short. That's because the plant it's derived in grows in snow. The highs it gives you are drawn directly from your own energy--your spirit energy, and then your life energy when your spirit energy's gone. I used to grow it and use it for a weapon, because once an enemy became hooked on it they'd do my work for me. They would weaken themselves until all I had to do was step on them and they would break. I know exactly what we're dealing with here, even if you don't. It's going to stop, now."

For the first time since waking, Yusuke felt anger bristling under his skin. So this was what they... how dare they... "No, it's not," he said firmly, a low warning growl in his voice.

Kurama was unimpressed. "Just what, exactly, are you planning on doing about it?" he asked, a hint of amusement coloring his tone.

If it had been more than a hint, Yusuke would have attacked him. "You think I can't fight you?" he snarled. Ten minutes ago he had readily conceded as much; but now, it was the snow talking.

Kurama glanced at him. "I don't think you can even touch me."

There was contempt in his tone--or at least, Yusuke heard contempt. He reached out an arm to knock Kurama's legs out from under him and prove him wrong--only Kurama was not there anymore. Yusuke struggled to his feet--why was it such a struggle? Who had beaten him up? Kurama was standing a few feet away, not bothering to move farther, not bothering to draw his weapon. He could move so much faster than Yusuke's aching body could match that there was no need for anything else. There was no way Yusuke could reach him, and the goddamn gloating fox knew it--

Without thinking, Yusuke did the only thing that could possibly result in part of him touching part of Kurama. He raised his right hand and fired the spirit gun.

Three things happened. One, Yusuke froze almost instantly with shock and horror, realizing what he had just done. The other two were so closely intertwined Yusuke could barely tell them apart. Kurama, surprise painted across his face, sprang to the side in a movement that seemed to defy the laws of physics; but almost at the same moment, a black blur shot out of the cave and Kurama's movement was brutally curtailed as he and Hiei both hit the ground hard, Hiei on top of him.

Yusuke was still completely frozen when Hiei made another abrupt movement. It took Yusuke a moment to realize the movement hadn't been voluntary. Kurama had kicked Hiei away from him so violently that Yusuke had mistaken the movement for Hiei's own. Hiei held a hand to his solar plexus, where the fox's feet had connected; Kurama propped himself up on his elbows, winded, looking at Hiei with hatred. "Get off me," he said, his tone one to freeze blood.

"I didn't exactly enjoy it myself," Hiei spat back, retreating a few steps.

Kurama pushed himself up farther. "You ever try to protect me again and I'll kill you. I won't tolerate it."

"If I thought your reactions were worth a damn I won't have done it!" Hiei's voice matched Kurama's for loathing. It made something inside Yusuke ache. "Next time I'll let you get fried."

"It wouldn't have hurt me even if it had touched me." Now Kurama's hard gaze turned to Yusuke. "That doesn't pack nearly the punch it used to."

Yusuke tried to get his jaws working. "I--didn't mean--"

Kurama got to his feet, and before Yusuke could do so much as look for an escape route Kurama was in front of him, his fingers touching Yusuke's throat. Ever so lightly, but Yusuke knew better than to move. "No, you didn't mean to," Kurama said calmly. "You lost control of your actions a long time ago. Do you understand what I'm talking about now, Yusuke? That you can't even come close to defeating us? You've lost the right to choose what happens next." Kurama was trying to speak steadily but it was a lost cause, Yusuke could hear the anger and pain making his voice shake easily--and he knew somehow, despite what he'd done, that very little of the anger was meant for him. It was for Hiei. "You can hate us as much as you like, but we're going to break you of this. Then we're going to train you until you resemble the person we used to know. After that if you want to fight, we can."

The fingers left his throat. "And don't touch me," Kurama shot, as an afterthought, to Hiei. Hiei said nothing, but glared back at him with an intensity that Yusuke would have expected to cause the fox to go up in flames.

Yusuke turned around and stumbled back into the cave--for the same reason he had stumbled out a few moments ago, to escape the tension. He had a weary feeling he was going to be doing that a lot before the "help" was over. Fine role models you two are, by the way. Clearly you both have your lives completely together. But he didn't say any of it because he didn't want any more fights, didn't want anything but sleep--a headache was setting it, and he knew it was because his body wanted snow. Sleep was preferable to how his body was about to feel. And preferable to thinking on what he'd just done.

Nobody spoke to him as he shuffled away. The whole world seemed silent behind him, even the wind and the birds struck dumb by the anger blazing between the two demons who stood outside the cave. And yet--even though Yusuke knew how long it had been since they'd been even remotely on each other's side, he couldn't help but note how fast Hiei still moved, on blind instinct, to come to Kurama's aid.

Chapter Text

Snow makes you forget.

In the uneasy, aching sleep that Yusuke fell into now, days away from his last hit, there was no snow. Not enough of it, at any rate. The dreams were filled with memories.

Memories of Keiko laughing, wearing a blue dress that swirled around her ankles as she turned and turned, posing for photographs. A bridesmaid's dress; one of her school friends getting married. Keiko, ethereal as she danced across the floor, light in her eyes as she asked him to dance with her. Hurt replacing the light as he said no.

Keiko arguing with him over where the furniture should go, and the art on the walls, saying a woman's opinion mattered more over such things. Laughing, eventually, that they could get into an argument over moving a poster two inches to the right or left. Keiko declaring that getting things organized could wait, hunting for the phone to order take out.

Yusuke woke briefly. He knew he was awake because of the smell of the cave, and the cotton-fuzz feeling coating his insides that meant he needed snow. Voices, voices that weren't Keiko's, were fading in and out of his awareness like a badly tuned radio. Circling him like vultures. It was Hiei and Kurama talking. Yusuke was surprised they had chosen to speak to each other. Kurama's tone was hushed and ironic. "Well, I think we can safely call today a disaster. Yusuke tried to kill me and I threatened to kill you. We'll have to do better than that."

Hiei's tone was also quiet, but filled with invective. "You hypocrite. You knew this wouldn't be easy."

"Truer words were never spoken..."

Yusuke tried to get his mouth working to explain that he hadn't been trying to kill Kurama, just to prove he could touch him; but it was hopeless. He faded back into sleep. Keiko--always there, always, the second the snow wore off. Sometimes forgiving, and sometimes accusing, but most often worried. She had always worried over him--he shouldn't have made her worry like that. But he had a feeling she would have worried anyway. Even he hadn't been out all the time fighting the scum of the universe, even if he hadn't always been in danger of dying, Keiko would have worried. Over his grades, his mother, his after school "activities." It was how he knew she cared.

"How long is this going to take?" Hiei demanded.

"I've told you, I don't know." Even though they were nearly whispering, Kurama's tone was so sharp it made Yusuke's head hurt. "I've never broken someone of this addiction before, I've only hooked them on it."

"You are supposed to be the smart one, aren't you? Surely you have enough intelligence to make an estimate."

"If it was someone with normal abilities, I could tell you. But it's Yusuke. Nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to with him."

Yusuke tried to speak again--this time to beg Kurama for something, anything, that would make him sleep. Make him forget. But he couldn't summon the coordination to make his lips and tongue move to form words, couldn't even make a noise. He was dying. He had to be dying, and they were just sitting there watching him. Dying hadn't hurt like this the first few times...

Keiko met him on the threshold again. She wouldn't speak to him, even though he called out to her. She just stared at him with wide, solemn eyes, and pointed to something...

No. Not there, anywhere but there... There were good memories. There had to be. But where they had danced before him before, they eluded him now. All he saw was her fright; her pain; her abandonment. And the thing she pointed to.

"Can't you tell the boy's in pain? Give him something."

"I don't dare. His body knows what it's doing. If I interfere, this is likely to drag on for longer. He'll just have to endure it."

"Do you enjoy the power that comes with giving and withholding healing?"

"No. I don't. Do you enjoy casting blame onto me so much that you'd actually hold me responsible for Yusuke's pain?"

"Let's not get onto the subject of blame. We'll never get off it."

Blame... the word should have meant something to Yusuke, something important, but right now it didn't. He had somehow stumbled back into the good place, into the memories he hadn't wanted snow to erase. Keiko, protesting as he dragged her farther and farther away from the shore, him laughing and her finally forced to admit she didn't know how to swim. Then him getting to teach her something, for once, holding her lightly in his arms to make her feel safe as she tested her limbs against the water.

Keiko curled up next to him on the couch, resting her body against his while they watched a movie together. Keiko with one hand resting lightly on her abdomen, even though no one could see the slight swelling there yet, still guarding it as fondly and zealously as all women did.

At that, Yusuke blacked out completely--past the point of memories, and into the void. There were some places he wasn't willing to revisit.

Chapter Text

Yusuke woke, much later, to the end of a blistering argument. He couldn't really tell what it was about, but Hiei was shouting. Hiei had a powerful voice even when he wasn't yelling, so sleep was steadily ceasing to be an option. Yusuke tried to cling to it anyway.

"Am I so distracting to you?" Kurama's voice, quieter but laced with venom, managed to cut into Yusuke's consciousness clearly in the wake of Hiei's bellowing. "That this is the best you can manage?"

The contempt in his tone was unmistakable. Yusuke wished there was some way he could shut his ears as well as his eyes.

"Distracting?" Hiei again, thundering. "Do you realize how little you mean to me?"

Laughter--meant to mock, obviously forced. "If that were true, why would you scream at me? You, who don't consider most people worth your very breath? I know what I meant to you once."

Hiei left the cave. Swiftly, and without comment. Yusuke still had his eyes shut, but he knew Hiei had left because the temperature dropped a good ten degrees. He waited to see if Kurama would follow him, but all he heard was a shaky exhalation of breath, and nothing further. He realized he wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep. "Gotta say," he muttered without opening his eyes, "you two are doing a stellar job of putting aside your differences for my sake. I appreciate it."

Kurama exhaled heavily again. "I apologize," he said. "You were not meant to hear that."

"Couldn't exactly help it." Yusuke chanced opening his eyes, and immediately regretted it. He screwed them tightly shut again, but the light had already pierced his skull and was now buzzing inside his brain. "Kurama? Can you turn those damn plants off?"

He heard Kurama moving quietly around the cave, no doubt gathering up the glowing plants and restoring them to seeds. He thought about saying something along the lines of sorry about trying to kill you back there, but didn't really have the energy. He needed snow too badly.

"Headache?" Kurama inquired, voice soft.

Headache? Dwarves were hammering inside his head, trying to excavate his skull. Also, his skin was prickling and tensing like it was going to crawl right off him, and there was something wrong with his stomach--he wasn't sure if he was hungry or if he needed to throw up. "When does it get better?" he managed.

Kurama hesitated slightly before replying. "I'm afraid it gets a lot worse than this before it gets better."

"The hell."

"I'm not going to lie to you."

Yusuke could tell from the quality of darkness behind his eyes that the plants were all gone; he risked opening his eyes again, just to slits. The only light now was the faint twilight seeping in from the cave's entrance; when Yusuke turned to look at it he could see Hiei's outline clearly defined, not too far away. Back turned. Yusuke noticed Kurama was also watching Hiei. After a moment, he sighed. "I suppose I should apologize."

He sounded extremely reluctant, but Yusuke only said, "Probably." Because he wanted badly to know what they were fighting about. Part of it was sheer curiosity--he'd never known the cause of the sudden anger that had blazed to life between them a decade ago. He didn't think anybody really did, except for the two of them. But it was more than curiosity that motivated him--it shamed him to admit it, but he needed to know how to drive the wedge deeper between the two, make the arguments worse. He knew that the only way he was going to escape from here was to break their resolve to work together. And he would do far more than play two friends against each other, if it meant the return of snow.

Obviously. He'd tried to shoot Kurama.

Kurama had already moved outside, while Yusuke'd been thinking. Yusuke dragged himself forward, one painful movement at a time, knowing that walking would end in falling. He crouched in the shadow of the entrance and waited there, easily able to see and hear them both, for something to happen. Kurama was standing a few feet behind Hiei, watching him; Hiei must have been aware of his presence, but hadn't moved, back still presented to him.

Finally, Kurama spoke, his tone flat. "I apologize, Hiei. I have not been acting like we both agreed to, to put it aside until Yusuke's well. It was wrong of me to bring up the past."

Silence. For all Hiei reacted, Kurama's voice could have been the wind. "Do you accept the apology?" Kurama asked tensely, the edge of the fight still in his voice, ready to flare to life again. It would be so easy, to make them fight.

Hiei spoke, slowly and deliberately, without moving. "If it wasn't for Yusuke, I would kill you."

Yusuke felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him. All the thoughts of trying to make their fighting worse suddenly ceased--because this was not a sentence Yusuke ever wanted to hear from one of his friends. And that it could be Hiei speaking to Kurama was so unbearably wrong--

Kurama replied with the same slow deliberation, his voice menacing and amused. "You would try."

After a short pause, Hiei turned to face him, and there was a ghost of an old smile on his face. It was clear that Kurama's statement had--somehow--ended his anger. "Apology accepted."

Kurama returned the smile, the same way--just a hint, a bare suggestion of a real smile. He stepped forward and seemed about to say something else, but no words came. Instead he offered his hand to Hiei. Hiei hesitated before touching it like he expected it to burn him, the briefest of all possible handshakes. They both sprung apart from the contact quickly, actually moved apart. "I'm going out," Kurama said, turning away.

"What?" Hiei said flatly.

"You know." Kurama gestured towards the cave. "He'll die at this rate. I've got to get the first dose." And then he turned and was gone, moving quietly, his hair a brief beacon before he was completely swallowed by the forest.

Hiei stared in disbelief for a moment. "So of course I get to babysit," he muttered. Then he turned back to the cave, saw Yusuke curled up at the entrance. "What are you listening to?" he asked bluntly.

"A couple of jerks fighting about nothing, I guess."

"Don't make me kick that drug-addled head."

"What's Kurama going after?"

"Snow."

Yusuke must have looked well and truly shocked, because Hiei acquired an expression Yusuke was familiar with--the one that said he couldn't believe the rest of the world was actually this stupid. "You've been using so much that your body will shut down without it. You're going to have to taper off. And no, it won't be enough to make you high or let you forget, so don't get your hopes up. And now I have to babysit and make sure you don't try to follow Kurama while he's off playing fetch. Have I mentioned how much I loathe this entire operation?"

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because of who you used to be." Hiei walked back into the cave.

Yusuke followed, still dragging himself instead of trying to get to his feet. "Well, hell, what about the person you used to be?" he called after Hiei. "Is this supposed to make him come back, as well?"

"What person?"

"The one I knew. The guy who pretended not to give a damn but always showed up in the nick of time to save my ass."

Hiei raised an eyebrow and spoke mildly. "What do you think I'm doing?"

Yusuke wasn't mollified. He had a bone to pick with Hiei, one that had been stewing for a decade or so. Now that Kurama was gone at the constant quarreling between him and Hiei had ceased, it was Yusuke's turn. "You weren't there when it happened," he said bluntly.

"Kurama already went over this. Whatever's happened in the past, we're here now."

"That isn't going to cut it, Hiei. You've been acting like such an ass. I mean, first of all, you just up and abandoned the border patrol."

"That was a long time ago."

"Yeah, well, I haven't had the opportunity to yell at you since then. What is it--just because Kurama wasn't your pal anymore human world suddenly didn't mean a damn thing? I was there, Hiei!"

Hiei's shoulders had tensed up, but he didn't look at Yusuke. He said nothing. "I was there," Yusuke continued, "and Yukina was, too." Now Hiei was positively rigid--as far as Yusuke knew, there'd been no contact between the siblings since their group started its fatal fracturing when Hiei and Kurama split. "And lots of other people I know you give a damn about, even if you pretend not to."

Yusuke's anger was burning itself out, far too quickly for his tastes. He'd always imagined he'd like to have a knock-down, drag-out confrontation with Hiei, but he was in too much pain to manage it. Even his voice was getting tired. "You just abandoned us all, you went straight back to your old habits. You just--you weren't there when it happened," he finished in defeat.  

It was a moment before Hiei spoke. When he did, his voice was low and even. "You had your pet fox to see you through it. And as we've both said repeatedly--whatever the errors of the past, we're here now."

"Yeah. Now that I don't need you or want you, you show up. You're great friends."

Hiei looked at him sharply. "You have no idea what's happening to you. You don't even know how often your life has been spared since you came here. I know I've stepped into your fights half a dozen times in the last few years alone, and Kurama says he's done the same. I can't begin to guess how many other people who used to respect you have been saving your life. I spoke to you the first few times I fought for you, but you didn't hear me, didn't remember who I was. You don't remember it now. That's why you've become a slave to snow, Yusuke, it makes you forget. You probably have very few recollections from the last three or four years you've been alive; you've been dying for a long time. I don't think we were a day too soon in doing this. Kurama started suggesting it nearly six months ago."

Stunned with the overload of information--with the sudden altering of his world--Yusuke still managed a defiant, "What took you so long, then?"

"Kurama had to find a way to communicate with me that I didn't immediately dismiss. I destroyed the first messages without opening them, but finally I realized it was about you and agreed to meet him. Then I had to determine if I was able and willing to tolerate his presence long enough to help you. I'll probably end up killing him before this is done."

"That's such bullshit, Hiei." Hiei looked at him with surprise. "The way you say that--everyone can tell you don't mean it. Kurama can tell you don't mean it. You're a terrible liar."

"I can still kick you, you know."

"When will Kurama come back?"

"Several hours. You'll be crawling the walls by then," he noted as an afterthought.

"Great," Yusuke sighed, going boneless against the ground.

"My sentiments exactly," Hiei agreed, going similarly limp against the wall he was sitting by. He sighed, and muttered one last time, "I hate babysitting."

Chapter Text

"Yusuke, I'm only going to say this once. You should really stop trying to kill Kurama."

Yusuke was curled up on his side on the floor of the cave, hurting too badly to lie flat--a position he had occupied for several days now. "Thought he said--didn't want you to protect him," he managed to grunt.

"I'm not protecting him," Hiei said incredulously. "The score, by the way, is now Kurama thirteen, you zero."

He's keeping score? "Not trying to--kill him," Yusuke said stubbornly. "I just want that damned seed." The seed of the snow plant--which Kurama had retrieved from some untold location only to hide in his hair like any other seed, growing exactly as much as he felt Yusuke required to stay alive. It was unbearable.

"And possessing the seed would do exactly how much good for you? Have you acquired the ability to make it grow? Your attacks are pointless as well as pathetic."

Yusuke tried to laugh, but it came up rusty and dry, like a wheezy cough. "Then why--bother asking me to stop?"

"Because Kurama's patience is wearing out. He doesn't have any honor to keep him from killing someone weaker than himself, and you've far exceeded the limited amnesty I've seen him grant to friends in the past. I don't think he'll tolerate being hurt like this much longer."

"Not hurting him," Yusuke grumped. "I can't even--" He was interrupted by a fit of coughing, this time real. "Land a hit," he finished.

"That's not what I meant."

"So--you're complaining--you're complaining--that I'm hurting his feelings?"

Hiei only glowered. Yusuke stared at him stubbornly, waiting for him to answer, until the world started to tilt again and he gratefully fell back into sleep.

Or what passed for sleep these days. It seemed that he would always hover just barely outside true unconsciousness--hearing snatches of conversation and working them into his dreams, seeing his friends' images twisted and distorted into new realities. The intensity of Hiei and Kurama's fighting had lessened--or so he thought, it was hard to be sure of anything with the way his brain was functioning now.  He heard a lot less of their bickering, and what he did hear was more subdued--but even so, those snatches of anger invariably worked their way into his dreams and he would wake up screaming. Screaming, wrapped in fragments of both dream and memory, and with one of them kneeling next to him, preventing him from injuring himself as he thrashed about.

At first it was Kurama who was there most of the time when he woke--Kurama, who was used to tending the sick and the injured, skilled at it. Then Yusuke made the connection, through the pain and haze of withdrawal, that Kurama was capable of providing snow and chose not to. He began attacking whenever he felt Kurama's hands tending him, inarticulately trying to express his rage and agony.

But then--gradually, he thought, but he wasn't sure--it stopped happening. He never woke to Kurama's presence anymore. It was always Hiei's hands that held him still during the nightmares, Hiei's voice that pervaded his dreams. Sitting by his bedside, as it were; and Yusuke wanted to tell Hiei that he'd always known the fire demon was capable of this kind of patience, despite whatever he might say. But as the days went by and the agony worsened he lost the energy to speak. And it was hard to feel grateful for any of this, anyway. For the return of the memories, the imprisonment in the cave, the removal of snow. For the brief, brusque words of comfort Hiei offered, or, more frequently, for his disparagement. Kurama would have done a better job--Kurama, in the past, had always been able to come up with a kind word or a bit of wisdom to tide you over. But Kurama apparently wasn't speaking to him.

Strange--to simultaneously want someone to tell you it was all okay, and to want to beat the living hell out of them.

It was easy for Yusuke to see, even through the haze of withdrawal, that Hiei resented taking almost total care of him. But he did so nonetheless. For how long, Yusuke couldn't tell. Time was fluid, able to turn in on itself or run backwards, a whirlpool that he was stuck in.

And then--then, there suddenly came a day when Yusuke woke up completely. When he only had a headache, not the sensation of dwarves excavating his skull, and when his stomach felt queasy but not ready to leap out his throat. When his limbs were shaking, but not convulsing.

He had no way of knowing how long it had been. He was alone in the cave; sunlight was streaming through the entrance. He got to his feet--his legs held him up, even though they shook--and wandered outside.

Hiei was curled up just outside the entrance, drowsing in the sun. Or at least that was the appearance he gave--but Yusuke knew that should any passing predators mistakenly approach, they would not live to regret it. "Morning," Yusuke offered.

"Afternoon," Hiei corrected him, without opening his eyes.

"Oh." Yusuke stretched, and realized that he didn't feel like he'd been beaten up anymore. Instead, he felt like he'd been in bed for years and his muscles had atrophied. More time must have passed than he'd thought. "What day is it?"

Hiei told him.

Yusuke stared down at him in disbelief, mouth agape. "It... are you serious?"

Hiei finally deigned to halfway open his eyes to look at Yusuke. "I think you may have gotten through the first step. Congratulations," he said flatly.

"What's the first step?"

"Detoxification. You may still crave the drug, but your body doesn't require it to survive. That was the easy part."

"Like hell it was."

"You had no choice about what's happened so far. From now on, no matter what Kurama and I do, if you're determined to be an asshole you can do so."

"Where is Kurama, anyway?"

Hiei blinked at him a few times. "I have no idea," he finally replied.

"...What?"

"Don't you remember? He left. He said he'd check back in a couple of weeks."

"A couple of weeks?"

"Well, it was nearly a week ago that he left... Don't look so surprised, detective. If it was me, I would have cut out long before he did."

Yusuke slowly lowered himself to the ground next to Hiei, trying to put it all together. He couldn't remember. It was one of the worst things about snow--he could never remember what had happened, when it had happened, how it impacted what was happening now. But before, now had always been about more snow, and he hadn't cared. Without snow, he found himself straggling along behind the course of events, desperately trying to make sense of them.

"What..." he started hesitantly. Hiei, who had returned to drowsing, opened his eyes again to show that he was listening. "What did... I do?"

"Do?"

"To make Kurama leave. It was me, wasn't it?"

"You attacked him. A lot."

"Did I hurt him?"

Hiei snorted his amusement. "I think you scratched his arm once."

"Then why..."

"Because there was no point in him staying. His presence was actually making you worse. You know, Yusuke, you are the must bullheadedly stubborn person I know when you get an idea into your head. And you'd decided for some reason that if you got the snow seed away from Kurama you'd have snow itself. He left so that you wouldn't injure yourself trying to injure him; also so that he and I didn't kill each other while we waited for you to truly wake up. You haven't been good company, by the way."

"Thanks for staying."

"Hn. Idiot."

Yusuke stretched out on the ground, thinking for a moment about what Hiei had said, also enjoying feeling not as sick as he had before. He was curious about what Hiei and Kurama had planned for him next, but he didn't feel like asking Hiei about it. So he voiced a niggling, fearful question, knowing that despite the present situation Hiei would still be able to answer it. "Do you think he hates me yet?"

"Don't be an ass, detective," Hiei snapped. Then--much quieter, so subdued that Yusuke immediately regretted asking the question--he added, "It takes a lot to make Kurama hate someone."

Chapter Text

The next day the two of them were outside the cave again, sunning themselves like lizards, when Yusuke saw Hiei sit a little straighter and focus his attention on the horizon. Yusuke tried, but he couldn't sense anything. A moment later Hiei returned to slouching, so Yusuke figured that whatever it was, it wasn't a threat.

A few minutes later Yusuke sensed the stranger for himself. He was strong, but he wasn't a demon. That was strange enough that Yusuke wondered if his senses were playing tricks on him; but to a demon, the scent of a human was almost unmistakable.

Yusuke and Hiei waited in silence for the stranger to either veer away or present himself, neither of them bothering to inform the other of what was clearly already known. Eventually a figure separated from the shadow of the forest, moving at an unhurried pace; then the features resolved into someone who wasn't a stranger at all.

"Oh, thank god," Hiei said, in tones of complete and utter relief.

Kuwabara laughed. "That's gotta be the first time you've ever reacted to seeing me like that."

Hiei stood and pointed at Yusuke like he was an object, without taking his eyes from Kuwabara. "You--watch him. Don't let him kill himself or anything else."

"Wait-where are you going?"

"Away. If I stay here any longer I'm going to kill him myself. Don't look at me like that, I'll be back. Eventually." And just like that, he was gone.

Kuwabara gaped at his afterimage for a minute. Yusuke took the opportunity to stare at Kuwabara. His hair was graying, a new development since the last time Yusuke had seen him, but there were still ruddy traces visible. He didn't exactly look old, but there was no denying he wasn't young. Yusuke couldn't recall when they'd seen each other last--it had to have been years. Snow had swallowed all the details beyond that.

"Isn't that just like that little squirt," Kuwabara muttered. "He could have said hello." Then he turned to face Yusuke. There were lines at his eyes; the smile was the same. "Hey."

"You look like a geezer." It wasn't true, but it was the only thing Yusuke could think to say.

"Well, you look like total shit, so we're even. Did someone beat you up?"

"You ever tried withdrawal?"

"Nah, I'm too smart to get hooked on that crap in the first place." Kuwabara settled down next to him in the spot Hiei had vacated, leaning against the sun-warmed wall of the cave. "Where's Kurama?"

"Not around. Did the two of them send out invitations to this little pity party of mine?"

"Kurama asked me to bring you these."

Kuwabara threw something at Yusuke, and Yusuke just barely reacted in time to catch it. He looked down to find himself holding a pack of cigarettes. "There's more in my backpack," Kuwabara said. "Kurama knew you'd run out sooner or later, and he says you should never try to break more than one addiction at a time." He shrugged.

"When'd you see him?" Yusuke asked, wondering if that was where Kurama had gone off to--human world.

"About a month ago. But he said to wait for awhile because you'd be wanting to kick the ass of anything that moved." Kuwabara grinned. "I guess he figures you're not up to kicking anybody's ass right now."

"Yeah, or I would be." Yusuke was busily breaking through the plastic around the cigarette pack; Kurama was right, both that breaking two addictions at once was twice as hellacious and that Yusuke had smoked his last smuggled cigarette days ago. "Plenty of asses to kick."

"You're not mad at Hiei and Kurama, are you?" Kuwabara asked incredulously.

"Didn't you see him?" Yusuke asked, equally incredulous, gesturing vaguely in the direction Hiei had taken off with an unlit cigarette. "Talking about me like I can't even hear him. Like I'm two years old."

"Well, don't be hard on him, Urameshi. You're kind of hard to deal with when you're sick. I remember this one time when you had the flu and--"

"I don't have the damned flu," Yusuke muttered. "I wouldn't be sick if they weren't doing this."

"Right...so, you'd rather go back to being so stoned you can't even recognize the people standing in front of you?"

Yusuke hated the casual confidence with which Kuwabara spoke, the security in the knowledge that Yusuke's answer, once he thought about it, would be no. They'd known each other too long to bluff at this level. "Well... I'm not going to thank them until later," Yusuke finally conceded.

Kuwabara smiled slightly. "Hey, at least they picked out a really nice place to do this at. It's beautiful here, and there isn't anyone around for miles. They did that much for you."

"Yeah, I'm touched."

"So... what's it like between them?"

"Hiei and Kurama?" Kuwabara nodded, looking eager for all the latest gossip. Yusuke shrugged, forcing an indifferent expression onto his face as he lit the cigarette. "They hate each other."

Kuwabara frowned; clearly this was not the news he'd been hoping for. "I had thought maybe the two of them working together meant they'd patched things up."

"No way. They keep threatening to kill each other--except they don't really mean it. But they're only teamed up until I get over this, they've made that very clear. They fight day and night."

"Then you must have heard what they're fighting about, right?"

"Huh?"

Kuwabara gave him a look that said he was being exceptionally dense. "Oh, come on, Urameshi. What the fight's about. Why they got pissed at each other in the first place, all that time ago."

"They don't bring that up." Kuwabara gave him a look of disbelief. "Seriously. I asked when it happened, but I never got an answer from either of them. And now, they fight about everything except that. They don't say anything important in front of me, like it's still some big secret. Like it could possibly matter anymore, if people know what it's about."

"You seriously don't have any clues? You're the only person who managed to stay friends with both of them when it happened--I kind of assumed you knew."

Yusuke shifted uncomfortably. "I guess I felt like it would be rude to keep asking when it was obvious they didn't want to talk about it. I mean, whatever it is, it's their shit, right?" Kuwabara shrugged. Yusuke hesitated. It felt weird to be talking behind Hiei and Kurama's backs like this--but at the same time, it had been a decade, and they were showing no signs of ever getting over it. And still no one knew why. "I do have a few clues, though. I mean, stuff that came up. But it doesn't make any sense."

"Like what?"

"Well... back when it happened, I mean like right after it happened, Koenma asked me to ask Kurama to talk to him." Kuwabara gave him a look that was half confused, half disbelieving. "I know, I thought it was weird too. Like, why couldn't he just talk to Kurama himself if he had something to say? Or why was he so tense when he asked me? But anyway, I did ask Kurama and he got really--you know that way he gets when he goes still all of a sudden and his eyes go cold and you know someone's about to die?" Kuwabara nodded. "He went still like that. And he said never to talk to him about Koenma again. So Koenma's got to be involved in it somehow."

"Weird," Kuwabara said fervently.

Yusuke nodded. "And I think it has something to do with Shiori too."

"What? Why?"

"Well--when she died and we were both spending so much time with Kurama, trying to help him get through it--you remember how bad it was. I kept wishing that Hiei would get over whatever the hell it was they were fighting about and come back. I thought that Kurama needed him. At the very least I thought he could pay his freaking respects and come to the funeral. But when Kurama overheard me say that to--to someone--" Yusuke couldn't get Keiko's name out. "He got angry. He said he didn't want Hiei anywhere near anything that had to with Shiori and that Hiei'd already done enough to her."

Kuwabara's eyes went wide. "You don't--you don't think... Hiei would be stupid enough... would he?"

Yusuke shook his head. "No, nobody who knows Kurama at all would be stupid enough to do anything to Shiori."

"He was never that pissed at Kurama. And it's not like him anyway, to not take it up with Kurama himself."

Yusuke shrugged. "I didn't say it made sense. I just said those were my clues."

"Something to do with Koenma, and something to do with Shiori." Kuwabara stretched his legs and leaned more heavily against the wall. "Your clues suck, Urameshi."

Yusuke lit another cigarette. "Never said they didn't."

They sat in companionable silence for awhile. Yusuke was surprised and pleased to find that Kuwabara's presence was just as comfortable as it had ever been. He was considering dozing off when Kuwabara asked, "So... how's it going? Whatever it is that they're doing to you, I mean."

"It sucks," Yusuke replied succinctly.

"Yeah, I figured that much. Other than that?"

"Hiei figures I'm done detoxing. I guess he's waiting for Kurama to come back before anything else happens, because Hiei's not trying to make me do anything. He just sits around looking bored. I guess they're going to try some sort of training."

"Why?" Yusuke glanced at him. "That crap didn't make you forget how to fight, did it? I thought all you needed was to get off it. You already know everything Kurama and Hiei could teach you, right?"

Yusuke hated having to explain; saying it, instead of having it said to him, made it that much more real. "Snow--that's the drug I was on," he clarified, seeing Kuwabara's look of incomprehension. "It feeds off your spirit power. That's how it makes you high. So you get weaker every time you take it. I still know how to hit people and stuff, but as far as my energy goes I'm pretty much back to square one."

Kuwabara thought about that for a moment. "Damn." He chuckled. "Man, I remember all those spirit-concentration and building exercises and stuff being the hardest part. And I bet you feel like crap from withdrawal, too."

"Yeah, and you forgot to add the atmosphere of brotherly love those two bring to the table." Yusuke contemplated the task in front of him for a moment, then said, "Say, you don't think you could smuggle me out of here, could you?"

"Fat chance."

"Aw, c'mon. I make a great houseguest."

"I'm not picking a fight with Hiei and Kurama. They're right to do this. You know it, too."

"Can't a guy get a little sympathy? At least admit that my life is gonna suck until I can fight my way out of here--and I mean literally fight my way out."

"I think that's kind of the point, Urameshi," Kuwabara said with a side-long glance. "They're going to make your life suck so hard that you'd do anything to get away from them; then you'll learn and get stronger so that you can get past them, and you'll all have gotten what you want. It's actually kind of cool when you think about it."

"So much for sympathy."

"You don't need sympathy. You need a kick in the rear."

Yusuke gestured around them with an incredulous expression. "Hello? I'm being kicked! Hiei keeps threatening to really do it, too," he added, grumbling.

"That's not what I mean. They've got you trapped out here, there's no escaping that, but you're attitude's all wrong."

"You're going the lecture me about my attitude?"

"Well, excuse me, but you're looking at this like some sort of prison sentence! It's an opportunity."

"To do what, exactly?"

"Don't be dense!" Kuwabara looked exasperated. "You are out here in the middle of nowhere with Hiei and Kurama, together. Talking to each other. Living together. So, get them to patch it up." Yusuke started to protest, but Kuwabara held up a hand. "At the very least, you could find out what they're fighting about. That should be easy. But I bet you can get them back together."

There was a definite challenge in Kuwabara's tone. It took Yusuke a moment to form a reply. He wanted to reject the idea right away, but couldn't come up with a good reason. "You must have missed the memo," he finally said. "I want to survive this boot camp of theirs. Not get eaten by a stray dragon while they duke it out because I stirred up the past."

Kuwabara was unimpressed. "It's not like you to just duck your head down and do as you're told, Urameshi. I would have thought you'd be dying for some way to get back at them for keeping you here."

"Making them get along would be getting back at them?"

"Well, it's not what they want to do, and it's not what they want you to be focused on doing. Isn't the great detective up to the challenge?"

The great detective wasn't up to tying his shoelaces, but he wasn't going to mention that to Kuwabara. "I don't think it can be done," he said instead. "You don't realize how pissed they are." But even as he spoke, brief images flashed through his head--of Hiei pushing Kurama out of the way of the spirit gun, then taking the flack it earned him without betraying a hint of concern; of Kurama offering an apology to Hiei for baiting him, offering his hand to end the argument. Of the wistfulness in Hiei's voice when he talked about Kurama hating someone.

It was possible that part of them didn't want to be fighting anymore. And if that was true, even if it was only a tiny bit true, it was Yusuke's job--as the only person stuck in a cave with them both--to beat them over the heads until they gave in.

An interesting challenge.

Kuwabara was watching him knowingly. To be more precise, he was smirking. "Oh, you think you're so smart," Yusuke muttered.

"Yeah, I do, actually."

"Alright, fine. I'll try. But you aren't that smart."

"Fine. I'm not that smart. I'll just dare you to do it, and then you'll do it just to prove to me that you can, and then our friends won't be fighting anymore so their lives will get so much better, and you won't be stoned anymore, and our whole group can finally be at peace for the first time in a decade. I'll let you take some of the credit, by the way, but I'm keeping most of it."

"Don't get too proud of yourself. I don't think I can do it."

"Yeah, well, I know you can."

Yusuke didn't reply. He was mildly stunned by Kuwabara's complete confidence; he wondered if Kuwabara would say that if he knew what Yusuke had been like the last month. Hastily, he sought to change the subject. "So...we've caught up on how my life's going," he said lamely, gesturing around. "How're things with you?"

"Can't complain. Well, actually I guess I could--people are starting to mistake Yukina for my daughter. That's really awkward." Kuwabara made a face. "But then, it's a small price to pay, y'know?"

Yusuke made some vague, noncomital noise. He really didn't want to hear about the old crew--the fact that the rest of them were all living relatively normal, peaceful lives in human world made the reality of the Makai hell that he, Hiei, and Kurama were trapped in much more stark. Still, he couldn't be a complete jerk. "How's Shizuru?"

"She got married a few years ago," Kuwabara said with enthusiasm. "I never thought she was going to. She's really happy. She was all adamant before they got married that she was never going to have kids, but now she's thinking about it." Kuwabara glanced at him. "I guess you'd want to know--Keiko's mom passed away last year."

Yusuke went rigid.

"Her dad's dealing with it pretty well," Kuwabara went on, oblivious to Yusuke's reaction. "But he can't keep the shop open anymore. He really should have given it up before this--I mean, he's not young--but I guess he didn't want to. But now he's--"

"Stop talking."

Kuwabara looked at him blankly. "I don't want to talk about them," Yusuke said through gritted teeth.

Now Kuwabara's face hardened slightly. "Don't you care? They're your in-laws."

Yusuke shot to his feet, managing a few unsteady steps before he had to lean against the wall of the cave. "I said, I don't want to talk about it."

Kuwabara also stood. He was angry. "Don't be an ass. Keiko wouldn't want--"

"SHUT UP!" Yusuke hit the wall of the cave; a few birds scattered from the nearby trees. Kuwabara was silent.

It was one thing to talk about their friends... to say how everyone was doing, to gossip about Hiei and Kurama's quarrel... but there was a reason, goddammit, that he had would up on snow in the first place, and here was Kuwabara pushing it in his face, suddenly way over the line of what Yusuke could stand to hear--"Don't tell me what she would have wanted," he said, breathing heavily. "Don't say her name. Ever."

Kuwabara was quiet for a moment before responding--Yusuke could practically hear him thinking. "Yusuke," Kuwabara finally said, and Yusuke nearly jumped to hear his first name come out of Kuwabara's mouth. "If you're going to start acting like a person instead of an animal again, then you need to deal with this. You can't pretend that she--"

Yusuke wheeled back around to face him. "Get out."

"If you can't even hear--"

"Get out!" Yusuke repeated at a roar, staggering a few steps back towards him, intent on causing pain if he had to.

"I--"

"I swear, Kuwabara, if you don't get out I'll make you," Yusuke said, raising his hand to illustrate his point--an empty threat, as he now knew from what Kurama had said, but Kuwabara didn't know the spirit gun wasn't an issue. "I don't care what Hiei told you to do, I don't need a goddamned babysitter and I'm not going to listen to that--that--to that."

Kuwabara stared at him. Neither of them moved for a moment; Yusuke threatening, Kuwabara disbelieving. Finally, Kuwabara cleared his throat, and bent to retrieve his backpack. "I'll leave," he said. "I hope you get some help, Yusuke."

He shouldered the backpack and left with admirable dignity, walking neither fast nor slow and not looking back. Yusuke watched him go, thinking, Well, that's two friends you've threatened to kill now. Keep up the good work.

He slowly sat back down at the entrance to the cave, wrapped his arms around his knees, and waited. It didn't occur to him to try to leave; he knew he wouldn't make it far. The only question now was what would show up first: Hiei, or something less friendly.

Though he kept his eyes trained on the line of trees that marked the edge of the forest, nothing moved until evening, when twilight had all but given way to night. Then, try as he might, he could see nothing but indistinct movement, sense nothing but that someone was there. He waited, tense, for the intruder to reveal himself.

They were practically in his lap before their images finally separated from each other, and he could see. It was Hiei; and with him, was Kurama.

Chapter Text

Predictably, Hiei's first words were, "Where'd the idiot go?"

"Human world, I guess," Yusuke replied vaguely. He was watching Kurama.

"He left?! After I told him not to?"

"Yeah, he's a real rebel. Listen, Kurama--"

"Don't." Kurama cut him off swiftly, but his tone was not angry, and he was smiling.

"I was just going to--"

"Apologize. But you shouldn't--not yet. You'd be half-assing it." Yusuke raised his eyebrows. "You've got a lot more people to apologize to than just me," Kurama continued in a matter of fact tone, "and a lot more to apologize for than you think you do. So until you're ready to do it right, let's just assume that the need for apology doesn't exist."

It took Yusuke a minute to work through everything Kurama meant. "O...kay," he finally said, slowly and still a bit puzzled.

"Hiei says you're feeling better."

"Well, I feel less shitty than I did."

"Do you mind if I check your blood for snow?"

Yusuke blinked. "You can do that?"

Kurama smiled. "Microscopes are for amateurs."

"I already told you he's clean," Hiei muttered. He was standing a few feet away from the other two with his arms crossed, clearly keen to disassociate himself from anything resembling an apology that might have happened.

"You'll forgive me if I don't rely on your judgment," Kurama replied without so much as glancing at him.

"It's not like it's hard to--"

"Maybe not, but I still refuse to--"

"Why don't you just--"

"Cut it out!" Yusuke interrupted, annoyed. He hadn't realized it up until that moment, but he'd actually enjoyed the respite from yelling when Kurama had been gone. "You two--you know what you make this feel like? Like I'm some damned kid with divorced parents. The kind of divorced parents who fight over who gets to take the beat-up old toaster. You don't have to fight over everything just to prove how pissed you are!"

Silence. Yusuke was halfway afraid one or both of them was going to take offense, but he only got surprised looks. Then, after a moment, Kurama started to laugh. Yusuke joined in, a little shaky, and Hiei huffed and looked away. "That painted quite an image," Kurama said thoughtfully.

"God, don't--just don't, don't say anything else. I didn't mean it that way. Just--forget it," Yusuke replied, still laughing. He couldn't help himself--the idea of Hiei and Kurama as--and him as--damn, he should not have said that...

Hiei made an irritated noise. "You two are acting like idiots. Just do whatever you want to do to him and get it over with."

Kurama looked like the only thing stopping him from rolling his eyes was that he was above such gestures. "Give me your hand," he said to Yusuke.

Yusuke did so. He didn't see what it was Kurama did next--he barely felt it, either, but the next thing he knew he was bleeding from a cut on his finger and the blood was collecting on a large, raggedy-edged leaf. "You're clean," Kurama announced.

Yusuke stared at him. "How--how do you know? How did you do that?"

"This plant reacts violently to the presence of snow," Kurama explained, as though he'd done nothing out of the ordinary. "If there was even a trace in your system, it would have attacked you."

"...Well, thanks."

"I didn't really think there would be," Kurama said, almost glancing at Hiei but stopping halfway through the motion. "And the attack wouldn't have been bad."

"I'm still touched."

"Let's drop the subject. I have news for you."

"News?"

Hiei dropped his pose of calculated boredom and turned to face them again--apparently, Kurama hadn't let him in on whatever it was yet. Kurama reached into his pockets and produced three photographs, which he then spread out on the ground in front of Yusuke with a flourish. Yusuke picked them up and looked at them. Three really ugly demons. So what?

He looked up at Kurama, letting his face express his confusion. Kurama was looking pleased with himself. "I thought you'd need something to focus on to keep from getting bored while we're training together. So I did some reconnaissance."

"Some what?" Yusuke asked, baffled, looking at the photos again.

"He's been spying on people," Hiei translated in an exasperated tone.

"Oh. Well, it's not my fault he always uses such big words."

"Back to the matter at hand..." Kurama gestured at the photographs. "Each of these demons is at the head of a drug-dealing ring."

"So what, fox?" Hiei asked, annoyed. "There are hundreds of drug rings in Makai. What makes these three important?"

"Glad you asked," Kurama replied without missing a beat. "These three are selling snow to human world."

"What?!"

Both Yusuke and Hiei had spoken, but Yusuke's voice was much louder. They glanced at each other, then at Kurama, silently demanding more information. "Snow works the same way on humans as it does on demons," Kurama said, "with one considerable caveat. While it will take a year or more--several, if you happen to be Yusuke--for snow to eat through a demon's energy reserves, it takes much less time for the average human's store of energy to be exhausted."

"How long?" Yusuke demanded.

"Somewhere between two months and two weeks," Kurama replied. "Demon go-betweens who can pass themselves off as humans sell snow disguised as a human drug, usually party drugs like ecstasy. If the human's lucky, they'll simply die from the addiction. If they're not, the demon will make a meal of them when they're no longer able to resist."

"Don't the human authorities notice people going missing?" Hiei demanded.

"Hardly ever. The disappearances are usually dismissed as runaways, and the deaths are ruled drug overdoses. It's actually a relatively intelligent scheme for a demon to run. Human governments historically show very little interest in helping their drug-addicted citizens; sometimes, they're even grateful when they disappear."

Yusuke's fingers crumpled the photographs slightly as he fought the impulse to make a fist. Kurama noticed. "I thought I'd give you a choice of targets," he said, addressing himself solely to Yusuke. "You can decide which one to go after."

"I've already decided."

Kurama frowned. "You don't want to hear more about them first?"

"We're getting all of them." Yusuke glared at the other two, unable to quite put his rage into words. "Selling that--giving that to humans--and they don't even know what it is. Two weeks." He gave into his earlier impulse and crumpled the photographs, both hands fisting tightly. "We're getting all of those bastards. And we're doing it now."

He faced them defiantly, glaring fiercely, expecting them to refuse; expecting them to try to reason with him. Instead he get stunned silence--and then, a quick movement, something like a shrug or a cough, and then Kurama was hunched over slightly with his hand covering his mouth, eyes mirthful. Hiei--his expression still blank with disbelief--turned at the motion and saw Kurama standing there trembling on the brink of laughter--trying so hard not to go over--and Hiei's face twitched.

Yusuke wasn't sure which one of them cracked first. All he knew was that he suddenly found himself crossing his arms, trying not to get really annoyed, while the two of them laughed as loud and hysterically as he'd ever seen anyone laugh. Hiei had to sit down, he was laughing so hard, and Kurama soon followed him, and neither of them could breathe anymore but still they were laughing like it was the funniest damn thing in the universe. "Guys, I'm standing right here," Yusuke finally reminded them. He might have spoken to the wind for all it mattered. He clenched his fists. "What is so funny?"

Kurama rather bravely attempted a sentence, but had to break off in the middle, a victim to the ongoing laughter. "You--you haven't--"

"Changed," Hiei finished for him; Kurama nodded to indicate that yes, that was what he meant, still laughing helplessly. "He hasn't changed," Hiei continued, gasping around his own laughter. "Not--"

"Not one bit. This is so like him."

"Kind of reminds you of him trying to take down Suzaku with his shoes over his hands?"

"Or running in circles around that one cave just to prove Sensui couldn't predict what he would do, remember?"

"Or shooting that damned mirror of yours to catch me in the back. He's still the same."

"Good to know he's still there underneath the snow," Kurama concluded, cheeks pink from laughter.

Yusuke opened his mouth, then shut it--several times. He thought about complaining about being talked about in the third person when he was right there, but thought better of it. He wanted to complain that they were making fun of him, but he sensed they weren't, not really. "I'm serious," was all he finally said, in a mild tone.

"We know you are," Kurama said in a conciliatory tone. He was wiping tears off his face; Hiei was still chuckling. "But we can't do this immediately. You'd get killed."

"Never seems to hurt me."

"Well, I won't be responsible for it."

"Neither will I," Hiei put in quickly, the laughter gone. "We already made it clear: if you want to leave this cave, you have to be able to fight your way past us."

"Which we will, of course, help you learn how to do again," Kurama added. "But only if you're ready to commit to that goal."

Yusuke nodded, but Kurama held up a hand to keep him from speaking. "Don't agree too quickly. This will be a contract, once we decide on the terms. One that we will hold you to, and you us. So think carefully."

"Terms?"

"Your goal for the training," Hiei said. "Ours, as self-defeating as it may seem, is to have you beat us. Yours can be the same, or it can be to defeat these three demons, or it can be to defeat every drug-dealer you can get your hands on, or it can be something else. But we all need to know what it is, so we know when the contract's been filled."

"Think about it before you decide," Kurama stressed again.

Yusuke nodded his understanding. "Okay."

They sat in a remarkably companionable silence for a moment. Then Kurama sighed and stood, gathering up the crumpled photographs. "To think," he said in a tone of mock offense, "that I went to all the trouble of putting together all that information and he doesn't even want to hear it..." He kept muttering to himself as he moved into the cave. Hiei made a face and flitted off into the trees.

Yusuke stayed where he was, mulling over the task ahead of him. What exactly did he want to accomplish here? Even having the question before him--having it be his choice what happened next, not his friends' choice, and certainly not the snow--was something he felt like holding on to and enjoying for a moment before making a decision.

Suddenly he remembered what Kuwabara had said. In the shock of Kurama's reappearance and the news of what he'd been doing while gone, Yusuke had almost forgotten about Kuwabara's visit. Now he thought about the challenge Kuwabara had presented him with; a "stealth mission," almost, to be slipped in underneath the contract he would make with Hiei and Kurama. He thought about that, and about what had just happened; their shared laughter, the way they rushed over each other's words the moment the forgot to be angry. Finishing each other's sentences left and right.

Yusuke stood. He knew what his goals were. He would never again give into snow. He would destroy the demons who were sending it to human world. And he would get Hiei and Kurama to settle their argument, no matter what it took.

Chapter Text

Two weeks later

Kurama was standing outside the cave, holding a cigarette in his hand and quietly watching the sun setting. It was nearly silent around him, the area cleared of life except for a few birds who were too afraid to sing with a fox so nearby. So it was impossible for him not to hear the sounds of someone bumbling through the forest long before that someone could be seen. When the newcomer finally fought his way free of the bushes and into the clearing, Kurama's only movement was his eyes, briefly taking him in. "What are you doing here?" There was no mistaking the ice in his tone.

"I came to join the intervention," Koenma panted, holding one side--apparently Makai's terrain hadn't agreed with him. He crossed the final few feet to lean heavily against the cave's wall, close but not too close to Kurama. "Since when do you smoke?"

"Yusuke smokes them," Kurama replied absently, as though that were sufficient answer. "If your reason for being here is to help Yusuke, why have you arrived when he is absent?"

"Bad timing, I guess."

"Hiei is also absent."

"Probably good timing, there."

"And quite deliberate. What did you want to say to me?"

Koenma shrugged, apparently not going to argue Kurama's assumption that it was him Koenma had really come to speak with. "I thought I'd start with hello."

Kurama was silent for a moment. His eyes were on the horizon, as though he could see something there. Eventually he stubbed the cigarette out and said, "I recommend you leave before they get back. If Hiei sees you I can't guarantee your survival. I also can't guarantee Hiei would stick around after seeing you, and Yusuke needs his help far more than he needs yours."

"So much for hello."

It was Kurama's turn to shrug, lightly. "I don't have anything to say to you."

For some reason, that nonchalance pricked Koenma's temper, and he turned angrily to Kurama and began a conversation that was ten years in the making. "Look, Kurama. You don't have to take that tone with me. Not one part of what happened between you and Hiei is my fault."

"Of course not."

"And nothing that happened between you and me was my fault, either."

"No."

"So why are you angry with me?"

For the first time since he'd entered the clearing, Kurama's cold, clear gaze met Koenma's eyes. "Because you agreed."

Koenma was flabbergasted. "But--but it was your suggestion. All of it."

"Yes. That doesn't mean I wanted to do it. The reason I don't like you is because you agreed."

There was a long silence. Koenma's face was flushed from anger or embarrassment, or both. "You didn't act like this until your fight with Hiei," Koenma finally said. "Say what you want, but that's what this is about. You blame me for what's happened between the two of you."

"I blame Hiei for what's happened between the two of us. Why do you insist that my dislike of you must date from that point?"

"What else am I supposed to think? You treated me differently before then. I know it wasn't ever--how you wanted it to be. But you didn't act like it was killing you, either. You acted like you trusted me."

"The difference after my argument with Hiei, Koenma, is not what I felt. It's that before then, I had something to lose by letting my feelings show. After, I'd already lost everything."

"...So..."

"You really should get out, you know. They're on their way back and I'm not prepared to stop Hiei if he tries anything."

Koenma stared at him for a moment. Kurama didn't look at him. "I'll leave," Koenma finally said. "But it doesn't have to be like this. I'm not proud of how things happened either, but I don't hate you. I wanted to be there for you when your mother--"

Kurama's eyes flashed gold, and Koenma stopped in midsentence. But Kurama contained himself, and only said mildly, "Your presence would not have been beneficial."

"I'm getting that picture. Listen, Kurama--I know you hate me, I get it, but just hear me out for a minute. I want to help Yusuke. I do. You said yourself Hiei would attack me if he saw me, and I don't think Yusuke will listen to me either, not after Keiko. You're the only one I can talk to. And this isn't about us, it's about him. What can I do?"

Kurama was silent for a long moment. "I'll let you know if I think of something," he finally said.

"Is that like 'I'll call you in the morning?'"

"No, I mean it. We all do things because of Yusuke we wouldn't do otherwise. I suppose if I can tolerate Hiei I can tolerate you. You have, by the way, about two minutes left to live."

"I'm going, I'm going."

He hadn't even gotten to the forest's edge before Kurama called to him. "Koenma!"

Koenma turned instantly, expression hopeful. "What?"

"What about Keiko?"

Koenma's face shut down. "What about her?" he asked flatly.

"Can she talk to Yusuke?"

"What makes you think she hasn't?"

Kurama was silent for a moment. "What happened?"

"He didn't see her. Just like he didn't see you, when you tried to talk to him. Or anyone else."

"He's not on snow anymore."

"He still wouldn't see her. Yusuke's not psychic. Never has been, no matter what he goes through. For him to see a ghost he'd have to be trying; he'd have to want to see it. And he doesn't want to see her."

Kurama nodded slowly. "I understand."

"Kurama... if I stayed, would it--"

"No," Kurama cut him off. "It wouldn't. Get out before you get hurt. I'll let you know if I think of something."

Koenma sighed, but he turned and vanished back into the forest. Kurama sat down with a sigh of his own, and waited. It wasn't long before the forest parted again, this time revealing Hiei with Yusuke slung over his back. Kurama sighed yet again and went down to help.

"I almost--had him," Yusuke gasped by way of greeting, unable to be of much help as Hiei and Kurama maneuvered him so that they each had one of his arms over their shoulders. "I'm--getting better."

"Hiei, don't wear him out like this," Kurama said with a frown.

"He does it to himself, fox. I told him I wouldn't carry his ass back here--"

"And yet you did."

Hiei glared at him. "Would you rather I left him?"

"Guys, I'm fine," Yusuke interrupted. He sounded punch-drunk to Kurama, his voice higher than usual and lilting slightly. "I can walk. Really. Or fight. Whatever. Just point me in the right direction, kay?"

Hiei rolled his eyes. Kurama had to suppress a smile, wondering just exactly how Yusuke'd gotten into this condition and how long Hiei'd had to carry him. Since beginning training a few weeks ago, Yusuke had tackled each day with everything he had to give, and then a little bit more after that. Typical Yusuke, but still enough to cause worry for the other two. They didn't mean to kill him with this.

Once they had carried him inside the cave Yusuke stopped claiming he could walk and instead regaled Kurama with a disjointed account of trying to keep up with Hiei as he ran and how he'd nearly caught him, numerous times. Hiei offered no verbal commentary but his face said plenty, and Kurama had to work hard to contain his laughter. Eventually Yusuke ran out of steam and curled up, cat-like, half asleep and possessively cuddling a bottle of water like it was a priceless treasure. Kurama considered making an assault on it, just to see what would happen, but decided it was too cruel.

Besides, Hiei wanted to talk to him. He hadn't said so, but they both knew that Kurama could still pick up on Hiei's nonverbal cues, so speech was unnecessary. Kurama followed Hiei to the mouth of the cave. "Did you slow down for him?" Kurama asked.

"Yes," Hiei said flatly, his face daring Kurama to comment. Kurama chose not to, mindful of keeping the peace. "He hasn't improved any since yesterday. He needs to take a rest."

Kurama sensed an edge of accusation to Hiei's voice, as though Kurama was the one preventing Yusuke from getting the rest he needed. He almost snapped back with a what do you expect me to do, tie the boy down, but managed not to say it. The number of hurtful comments he had swallowed in the past few weeks ought to make him explode soon.

He imagined Hiei was feeling much the same way. But they were both keeping themselves in check. Their shared laughter, on the day Hiei had found Kurama and brought him back, and then Yusuke had surprised them both--it had signaled a sort of wary, unspoken truce between them. After all, they really didn't have to fight just to prove how angry they were--everyone already knew.

And it couldn't possibly help Yusuke to have them going at each other constantly. They had both agreed to put in on hold until he was well; they weren't succeeding, but at least they were trying harder. "Well, don't run with him tomorrow, then. He can sleep in and then train with me."

Hiei grunted. So far Kurama had been doing most of the training--other than the endurance training--because of Hiei's inability to truly pick a fight with someone weaker than him. "So you were bored today?"

Something in Kurama's face changed. Hiei couldn't quite read it. In the past, he would have tried to figure it out, but now he told himself not to care. "Bored to death," Kurama agreed. "You'll probably want to come up with something to occupy yourself tomorrow while we train."

Hiei shook his head. "I'll watch. Tell him what he's doing wrong."

"I don't need your help." That one escaped, no matter how much Kurama tried to capture it. "I'm more than capable of coaching him myself."

"So am I. But I thought we agreed he'd do better if we did this together."

Kurama made a face suggesting he was battling down several more acidic comments. Hiei allowed himself to be amused by the expression but kept his amusement strictly hidden, knowing he risked an explosion between them if it was spotted. "Fine," was all Kurama finally said.

Hiei nodded towards the horizon, now gray with the very last ray of fading light. "Getting dark."

They had agreed to advertise their presence here as little as possible--which meant staying inside the cave after dark. There was nothing they could do about daytime distractions, but they could manage to avoid the attention of most of Makai's nocturnal predators. Kurama, however, made no movement. "I'll be in soon," he said.

His tone was mellow--so mellow that it instantly alerted Hiei. It told him something was wrong, and in the past he would have pursued it ruthlessly. He looked at Kurama contemplatively for a moment, then got up and went inside without a word.

Yusuke, to Hiei's surprise, was awake. Either that or sleeping with his eyes open, because the faint light glinted off of them. Hiei wondered if he'd been listening. Then he wondered how Yusuke felt about the fact that the times when he and Kurama were most at peace with each other was when they were deciding how best to beat Yusuke into the ground. Common purpose always helped, after all.

Yusuke spoke. Even his voice sounded like it couldn't take another step without collapsing. "Something happen?"

"What do you mean?" Hiei replied, settling down against the far wall.

"He seems blue."

"Didn't notice. Don't care." Hiei shut his eyes to block out the image of Kurama still sitting motionless at the mouth of the cave, outlined against the stars.

Chapter Text

"OW!!!"

Hiei looked ready to take his head off. "If you had ducked, it wouldn't have hurt."

"Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?!"

"Because I told you what to do before we started!" Correction; now Hiei looked ready to take his head off. Yusuke could swear he was inflating--kind of like one of those little lizards with ruffles around their necks.

Yusuke glanced uneasily at Kurama, hoping for support. Kurama was watching with an expression suggesting that Yusuke was underperforming even his worst expectations. Yusuke had demanded a break from sparring against Kurama, convinced that nothing could be worse. Now he knew better.

Kurama didn't seem inclined to take Yusuke's glance as a request to intervene, so Yusuke turned and faced the inflatable lizard again. "Well, you could make yourself a little clearer, you know. I didn't get what you were saying."

"If you didn't understand, you should have said so." Hiei was speaking in a careful, measured tone that let Yusuke know how hard he was working to maintain control. "If I was using my katana you would be dead."

"Yeah, but you're not."

"Yusuke!"

His name rang in his ears, shouted from both sides. He glanced sheepishly back and forth between them. "Okay, I'm sorry. But I don't get it."

"Kurama. If you have any pity." Hiei was gesturing for Kurama to stand--Yusuke wondered which of them he wanted Kurama to take pity on. "Show him what he's supposed to do before I take his head off. On accident, of course."

Kurama stood dutifully and came to take Yusuke's place--Yusuke stepped back reluctantly, wondering if having Hiei face Kurama with weapon in hand was such a good idea. Even if the weapon was only a tree branch. But neither of them showed any hesitation--and a moment later, Yusuke was blinking and Hiei was saying, "There. That's what you're supposed to do."

Yusuke hadn't seen anything but a blur. "Great. Now all I need is instant reply. Don't suppose you can do that in slow motion?"

He had been joking--they had to know that from his tone of voice--but they glanced at each other, and then they did it in slow motion. Halting themselves at four or five crucial points for him to study, Kurama explaining out loud as they went. Yusuke made them do it twice more, just because it was fun to watch, before conceding that he understood and taking Kurama's place.

Fun. This was the first real fun he'd had in ten years. On snow, there was only a sliding scale between bliss and agony, depending on how much he'd had and when. Without it, there was no bliss and plenty of agony--the physical pain of training was a blessing compared to the continued pangs of withdrawal, to the memories that nothing could now shield him from. But there were also moments like this, where he could pretend it was long ago and they were training on the lawn at Genkai's. It was almost--

"OW!! Fuck, Hiei!"

"Kurama! You have to do this. I'm through. And stop laughing, goddammit!"

"I'm sorry... but really, your expression..."

"Fuck, Hiei, I can't see straight!"

"Well if you would DUCK like you--"

"Shut up! I think you really are trying to kill me!"

Well... at least there were moments.

Yusuke could feel Kurama's hands steadying him, directing him over to one of the cave's walls. "Probably should sit down for a minute."

"Yeah? You're a real genius," Yusuke muttered, holding his head and watching his four feet march along underneath him. Or were there six? He closed his eyes.

After sitting for a few minutes he tried opening them again and found everything back to its original quantities, only a little blurry along the edges. When he tried to get back up, however, both Hiei and Kurama sent him glares that had him sitting back down before he had really managed to stand. "Guys, I'm fine."

"You need to rest longer after a hit like that," Kurama said in a tone that allowed for no argument. "We're not trying to destroy your brain."

"What's left of it," Hiei muttered.

Yusuke chose to ignore the remark. "I'm fine," he repeated. "Let's keep going."

"You can't," Kurama insisted. "Another blow could cause serious damage. And since you don't seem to have mastered the art of ducking--"

"Oh, shut up." He would have really liked to wipe the smirk off Hiei's face when Kurama said that, but grumbling was the most he was up to. "Just because you know how to do it in slow mo--" An idea hit him suddenly. "Hey, show me again."

Two expressions of disbelief. "Again?"

"Not the ducking thing. I mean, just keep going--just spar and I'll watch. That way I won't get hit but I can still keep training, sort of. And you guys can quit holding back."

He could swear Hiei's ears perked at quit holding back. "I'm in," Hiei said immediately, turning to Kurama.

Kurama looked him over for a minute. "Only if you don't insult me by using that twig," he finally replied.

Hiei smiled--a predator's smile. He tossed aside the branch he'd been using against Yusuke and had his katana in his hand before Yusuke saw him reach for it. "Better?"

Kurama, too, had come up with his weapon without Yusuke seeing him. "Much."

It was on the tip of Yusuke's tongue to warn them to keep it cool--suddenly wondering, again, if having them face each other like this was a good idea--but then they were off, and Yusuke was speechless. Because he had never seen them fight each other before.  

It was seamless in a way he had never seen. Like watching someone play chess with himself--the pieces moved like there were two sides at war, but only one thought controlled them all. They were both five steps ahead of each other and their bodies were just trailing sluggishly after them, going through the motions and unable to keep up with their minds. So much so that sometimes one of them would skip all the steps entirely, move to something new--and each time that happened, there was a moment where the other almost smiled, almost laughed, before following. And then a new series of movements would build up, predicted and countered and left behind and somewhere along the line, Yusuke realized this wasn't for his benefit. They were playing to see who get farther ahead of the other, and they couldn't care less if he learned or not.

Not that it mattered to him, because he was learning. So he sat and watched silently until it ended. Because, of course, it was too good to last long.

It ended when Hiei suddenly halted, looking back over his shoulder at Kurama with a bewildered expression. Kurama also halted, unwilling as ever to create a strategy without knowing his opponent's. Hiei's expression--bewildered, yes, but something dark was gradually growing in it. Dark, and angry, and when he stalked forward Yusuke didn't blame Kurama for backing away. Nor for blocking Hiei when Hiei grabbed for him. Hiei reached impatiently again, aiming at his head, but Kurama reacted to the change in his energy and pushed him away with a viciousness that hadn't been there before. Hiei's anger grew, and his sword--

Stop. Yusuke wanted to say it, but the word was stuck in his throat. Stop. Kurama blocked again and again, his expression confused and angry and the slightest bit fearful, and then he finally went on the attack, trying to force Hiei away. Hiei fought back intensely, trying again and again and again to slip through Kurama's defense--it was only moments, brief moments, and yet they attacked and parried dozens of times before Hiei suddenly stopped again, allowing Kurama to put the length of the cave between them before saying in exasperation, "Fox, stand down a moment."

Kurama's stance lost none of its defensiveness. "No."

Hiei inhaled as though he were going to yell, or attack; then he exhaled heavily and put his katana in its sheath, his shoulders losing tension. "Stand down," he repeated quietly.

Kurama hesitated for a long moment--a moment in which Hiei didn't move and Yusuke didn't breathe. Then he slowly lowered his arms from in front of him, adopting a more neutral stance. He nodded warily for Hiei to approach.

Hiei crossed the cave, slowing down slightly as he got near Kurama. Yusuke could see Kurama fighting the impulse to back away--he actually leaned backwards slightly, but otherwise did not move even though he was clearly ready to jump out of his skin.

Yusuke wasn't sure what he expected to happen when Hiei was finally standing in front of Kurama--but it wasn't for Hiei to reach out and grab a lock of his hair, lifting it to his nose and sniffing. Kurama did move at that, stumbling back with an expression that was both bewildered and disturbed, and Hiei made no move to follow him. His expression had turned icy. "So you still keep secrets from me."

"What?"

"And you still let him touch you, as well."

Now it was Kurama's expression that suddenly hardened. It took him several moments to form words, apparently too incensed to express it verbally. "He came by," Kurama finally said, his voice tight with controlled anger, "to see if he could be of any help. And the reason I didn't mention it is because of how you are acting right now."

"He came to see you."

"He wisely timed his visit for when you weren't present."

"What did you say to him?" Both of their voices were escalating, their anger bubbling to the surface. Yusuke wanted to intervene, but he didn't understand what they were saying.

"I told him that I wouldn't stop you if you tried to kill him. And that he should leave because you would act like a petulant child if you knew he was here."

"Oh, of course. You always have such good reasons for not telling me things." Hiei's voice was pure venom.

"Yes. I forgot." Kurama's voice was shaking with anger. "Total honesty is your posture. For everyone. And everything. Regardless of what they desire."

Hiei was silent for a long, charged moment. Then, quietly, so quietly that Yusuke could barely hear him: "I did not mean for that to happen."

Whatever that meant, it was the breaking point. Kurama's energy flared so strongly that Yusuke felt it like a blow, actually stumbled; he didn't know what to expect after that but Kurama, once again, managed to contain himself. "Liar," he said simply, his voice cold and hard and full of all the hatred in the world. And then he walked away.

Or tried to. He hadn't taken his second step before Hiei's arm shot out to stop him, the tip of the katana he still held embedding itself in the wall. If Kurama had moved another half an inch, he would have been cut. With a solid barrier preventing Kurama from motion, Hiei spoke. "I have no reason to lie to you."

Kurama didn't seem to know what to say to that. Before he could form a response, Yusuke stood up and announced loudly, "I'm going for a walk."

Both of them looked completely disoriented when they turned to him, as he had suspected. They had forgotten he was there. "No need," Kurama said coolly. "I was just leaving."

"No, really, I'll go. You stay." Yusuke had suddenly realized that this had to happen. If he was ever going to get these two back onto good terms, they had to fight it out first. "Seriously, guys. I don't care if you kill each other or become friends again or whatever happens, but at least have the decency to say whatever it is you need to say to each other. I know you hate each other; I don't know why. But I would hope for better from both of you than this. At least show enough respect for the friend that you used to have to get it out in the open and done with. I won't be far."

And with that he shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled out of the cave, determinedly casual and praying with all his might that he had done the right thing.

Chapter Text

For a moment after Yusuke left there was no movement, no sound--just the echo of his words. At least have the decency to say whatever it is you need to say.

Finally Hiei pulled his katana out of the wall, and slowly resheathed it. Kurama responded by turning deliberately on his heel, crossing his arms, and showing Hiei his back--an indication that he was not prepared to listen to anything Hiei had to say, but also on some level an indicator of trust.

Despite the waves of silent fury pouring off Kurama, Hiei spoke. He spoke very slowly, his words chosen carefully and his tone void of emotion. "I--took advantage of the circumstances to hurt you," he began. "At that moment in time, I wanted to hurt you as much as I h--as much as I possibly could. And when Shiori came into the room and I realized she'd heard everything, I saw an opportunity to make you believe I'd set you up. That I meant for her to hear." Kurama was still as stone. "So I said--what I said--and as soon as I saw the betrayal on your face I left. I didn't look back. By the time I could make myself think about it, I couldn't have set the record straight even if I'd wanted to. The battle lines were too clearly drawn between us. So I let it go." Hiei shrugged. "But the truth, if you want it, is that it was an accident. I didn't know she was there or that she could hear us any more than you did and I--regret it," he finished awkwardly, so quietly it could barely be heard.

Kurama didn't answer for a long moment. He was still as hard and unmoving as stone. "Do you," he finally said, just as quiet. Deadly quiet.

"Yes," Hiei said defiantly. When his only answer was more silence, he pressed, "Do you believe me?"

Kurama was still facing the wall, but Hiei noticed small things--his breathing was becoming more rapid, his arms shaking. The ice retreating. "Do you realize..."

His voice was shaking slightly too, though he tried so very hard to control it. "Do you realize everything she heard? Not just about who I was. The things we were fighting about. The words you were calling me. She saw our demon bodies. And then you left. You left me to explain it all to her just seconds after you had--after that argument, Hiei, when I didn't know if you were going to try to kill me or if I would ever see you again and then--then she came into the room, and you looked right at me and said now we were even, now I didn't have any secrets from you or anyone. And you left."

"I remember how it happened," Hiei cut him off coldly. Silence. "Well, believe what you want. It was an accident."

"I... know."

Hiei stared, incredulous. Kurama still didn't turn to look at him. His tone held hate, just as before, but he said, "I didn't know it until you said it out loud. But--it never sat right with me. It wasn't something you would do. And it was so stupid of you--to destroy my family secrets when you knew how fast I could retaliate. I told myself that your anger had overpowered reason--but I suppose some part of me never accepted that you'd done it. So--I do believe you. And it makes no difference."

Hiei was silent for a moment. "Why didn't you?" he asked finally, quietly. "I kept waiting, all these years, for Yukina to come after me. I still don't think she knows. Why not retaliate?"

"I thought about it," Kurama admitted readily. "It's not my style, but I thought about it. But I've always believed that Yukina's knowledge of you would bring you joy in the end, not suffering. And I have not been inclined, these past years, to do anything that might bring you joy."

Hiei was silent for a moment before replying. "And you think it doesn't matter? That you know the truth now?"

Kurama finally turned to face him, spreading his arms slightly. "How could it? I still did exactly what you think I did, Hiei. No one lied to you about that."

Hiei's face hardened. "So I wasn't supposed to be angry?"

Kurama didn't answer for a moment. A long moment, in which the tension escalated almost exponentially. "Not like that," Kurama finally said. Then he corrected himself and said, "Not like this. Of course you were going to be angry. But not like this."

"Not like this? You took the thing--"

"Don't!" Kurama's composure suddenly evaporated, his eyes flashing as he cut Hiei off. He spoke quickly. "Don't start talking about who took what from whom. Whether you meant to or not, you shattered my life with Shiori. Then you left. That was everything that mattered to me."

"You took the thing that mattered most to me."

Kurama laughed.

Hiei felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. It was chilling, that laughter--cold, mocking, so out of place in this detonation of a decade's silence. "What could I have taken from you, Hiei?" Kurama asked incredulously. "What could I have possibly taken from you? When did I ever give you anything? Promise you anything? How could I take something from you that you never had?"

Kurama's words were meant to cut, and they did. It took Hiei a long time to answer. "I meant," he finally managed, "that you took my independence." And it was anyone's guess whether that was, in fact, what he had meant.

Kurama's laughter ended. "Your independence was what I gave you."

"You gave me my independence! You gave it to me. I'd rather rot."

"Well, I judged it best--"

"You judged it? Without consulting me, you decided it was best for you to make a whore of yourself to Koenma in exchange for the key to my cell?!"

"Would you really rather be sitting there?!" Kurama's hands were clenching like they'd love to wring somebody's neck. "Koenma is a pampered little princeling who can get anything he wants from his daddy or his army of ogres. I used the only weakness I could exploit. That's all."

"You kept doing it," Hiei said coldly.

"Yes--yes, Hiei, every time you would do something that normally would have landed you in a--"

"Don't you dare blame me for this." Hiei's eyes were on fire, and the air around him rippled from the heat he was putting out. "Do not dare."

Kurama eyed him for a moment, his own anger momentarily cooled. "No. You're not to blame for my actions. Nor am I to blame for your reaction to them. I did what I thought was best, Hiei--that's all I ever should have had to say to you on the matter."

"So why keep it a secret?" Kurama was silent. "If your actions were so fucking noble, why hide them from me? Why should it matter if I knew?"

"Do you like seeing the bars of your cage?" Kurama replied quietly, after a  pause. "Would you have enjoyed knowing?"

"Better than your lies. That was why I was angry--because you had lied to me."

"You don't expect me to believe that's the only reason."

"How would you have reacted, Kurama? If you were in my position?"

"I would have asked--"

"You would have had my head!"

"No, that's what you wanted to do. Let me be perfectly clear, Hiei: I do not believe I did anything wrong. That I--"

"You fucked him, Kurama! Over and over, behind my back!"

"So?" Kurama's voice was tight. "When did you ever ask me not to sleep with anyone?" Hiei was silent. "Normally I would phrase that question 'sleep with anyone else.' But you and I never slept together."

"I didn't need to be sleeping with you to be disgusted by what you were supposedly doing for my sake."

"We never even kissed."

"What the hell is your point?"

"The point is, how can you justify being so angry at me for something you never asked me not to do?! How was I supposed to know that you would consider it the betrayal of a lifetime if I slept with someone for other reasons? I can't--"

"What the hell are other reasons?!"

"Reasons other than desire or affection. You seem to feel as though I was giving Koenma something that belonged to you. But the things that belonged to you, I never... I never. They were yours," he continued, giving the lie to his mocking laughter earlier, his claim that couldn't have taken anything from Hiei. "Even if we never spoke about it. Even if you refuse to acknowledge it now. But my body was not ever amongst those things. You never asked for it."

"I shouldn't have to tell you not to who--"

The rose whip cracked against stone. Far from Hiei's body, but close enough to cut off his words. "I won't let you call me that anymore," Kurama warned, his voice almost civil in comparison to the edge of his whip, or the edge in his eyes. "I don't care who's right or wrong, I've heard enough of that to last a lifetime. More than enough," he added, his eyes glittering briefly gold, and Hiei knew what he was thinking: that it was one of the words Shiori had overheard. "You're a demon, and what you're saying is pure human drivel," Kurama continued when he had collected himself and his eyes were green again. "You know how often sex is a part of business contracts in Makai. You must. And you must know that sex and love are separate. I loved you for years without laying a finger on you."

"Why do you keep insisting--"

"Because if we're going to argue about this after ten years of silence, I'm not going to lie. No matter how much it might spare our pride."

"...Put that thing away."

Kurama made no move to withdraw his whip. "Have I made my point?”

Hiei did nothing for a long, blank moment—then he nodded curtly. Kurama’s whip contracted back into a rose—slower, it seemed, than it normally would have—and was put back into his hair with shaking fingers. Neither of them looked at each other. Kurama’s use of a weapon had brought the anger and tension to its peak; now it was like their rage had burned out in all the revelations of the past few moments, and they were survivors wandering in its wake. Unsure what to do or say.

More than one longing glance was thrown at the cave entrance, but neither fled. The silence became thicker and thicker until Hiei finally shook his head and said, “I don’t understand you.”

Kurama took his time before answering. “That much,” he said simply, “is clear.”

“Did you—do you honestly expect me to believe that your actions were out of concern for me?"

Kurama looked at him, then away. Too exhausted for anger, it was clear that Hiei’s words had hurt. “That is what I would have expected you to believe ten years ago. But now… I suppose it doesn’t matter. So long as we can maintain a semblance of peace until Yusuke’s well.”

Hiei looked at him sharply. Kurama’s words were an attempt to halt the fight—to cut it off cleanly, even though they weren’t nearly done with it, and Hiei had to decide whether to follow his lead or drag it out. Whether or not to agree that, aside from Yusuke, they had nothing to do with each other.

“I thought you said that if we were going to finally fight about it, we shouldn’t lie,” Hiei eventually replied.

Kurama glanced sidelong at him. “I didn’t.”

“You said it doesn’t matter as long as we can help Yusuke. But if it didn’t matter, we wouldn’t bother fighting about it.”

Kurama stopped to consider that—logical as ever, even in the midst of their argument. “As much as I hate to admit it… you’re right. But I don't know what to make of it." Hiei raised an eyebrow. "We've been very clear that if it wasn't for Yusuke, we'd just as soon kill each other. But we wouldn't fight if it didn't matter. So where does that..."

He trailed off, but Hiei could finish the sentence perfectly well on his own. He gave in to exhaustion and slid, back to the wall, to a sitting position. On the other side of the cave, Kurama did the same. “As long as we’re admitting to things that someone else was right about,” Hiei muttered, looking at his feet. “I—never did ask you why. Let you explain.” He glanced at Kurama. “So tell me now, what you would have said then. Why.”

Kurama regarded him tiredly for a long moment. “Because I wanted to,” he finally said. “That’s the only reason. It was never my job to protect you. I just wanted to. And,” he added, “I’m not sorry for it. Nor will you ever make me sorry for it. Not even with the—with the way we relate to one another now. I don't regret what I did for who you used to be.” He paused briefly. “The act meant nothing to me. I had no idea it meant something to you. But even if I had known, there was no contract between you and I. We had no agreement, we made no promises, we set no rules. So everything I did, I did only because I wanted to."

Hiei was silent. He was silent for so long that Kurama spoke again. "Hiei--I think one of us should go. I know we're not done talking about this. But right now we're both..."

"Disoriented," Hiei filled in for him. "You really thought I set you up."

"What was I--" Kurama bit off the end of the angry response, and instead said simply, "Yes. And I've spent the last ten years believing it, and I hated you for it, and I need--"

"Time," Hiei concluded, finishing his sentence again. He was staring moodily at his katana, and after a moment launched into an apparent non sequitur. "Fox--when I heard--" He paused a moment to make a face at the katana, apparently gathering his words. "When I heard that she was dead, I thought about coming. Even though I knew it would result in homicide. I didn't like the thought of you alone."

Kurama tensed some, but merely replied, "I wasn't." Hiei glanced at him questioningly. "Yusuke was there. Keiko was still alive," he added for clarification, "so he was in one piece."

"Think we'll see him like that again?"

It had been an idle question, but Kurama's eyes flashed. "I didn't set this whole exercise up for my amusement, if that's what you mean. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't believe he could recover."

Hiei held his eyes and nodded, slowly and just once. It was an old trick for diffusing Kurama's anger, and it worked as well now as it had a decade ago. They lapsed back into silence for a moment. Kurama was studying Hiei, studying him without any attempt to hide it, which always made Hiei twitch. "What?" he finally snapped.

"Are we allowed to ask anything? Any questions we want?"

"I fail to see how it could possibly hurt."

"Did you love me?"

Hiei answered him with a look. There had been a time when Kurama would have accepted the look as answer enough, but today he shook his head. "I need to hear it. I never heard you say it."

Hiei scowled at his katana again, as though it were responsible for all of this. "Yes," he managed to say, just barely loud enough to be heard.

Kurama nodded. Then he got unsteadily to his feet, and moved unsteadily towards the entrance. "Someone really ought to go after Yusuke before he gets eaten."

Hiei thought about calling him back, but couldn't think what words to use. Kurama hesitated on the threshold, almost as if waiting for the call that didn't come; then he moved on again, not having once looked back, and left Hiei in the fading light.

Chapter Text

While Hiei and Kurama were battling each other, Yusuke was walking farther away from the cave than he knew he ought to get, moving randomly and quickly, full of adrenaline and nothing to use it for. He had been certain, when he spoke to them and then left them together, that he was doing the right thing. But with time and distance, doubt was creeping up on him.

The only thing that he could imagine being stronger than either Hiei or Kurama's discipline was their emotional response to each other. So could he really trust them alone together, provoked like he had provoked them? Was it possible--could they actually get so angry that they could do serious harm to each other? Kill each other?

No--the two of them had agreed to work together, until he could defeat them; they had all agreed to that contract. They wouldn't hurt each other...

He guessed.

But even fearing things would go badly, the one thing he knew for sure was that it would be worse if he went back. He'd managed to push them into confronting each other after a decade of hateful silence--now there was no way to stop that confrontation. If he got in the middle of it he would only distort it, make it about him so no good could come of it. There was no stopping it now.

And with that realization came depression, smothering the restless energy that had propelled him forward until he didn't know where he was. Yusuke slowed, then came to a stop. He sat down on a rock and put his chin in his hands.

He could feel her watching.

It was one of the reasons he had started taking snow in the first place. The memories; the guilt; the questions. And the sense, over his shoulder, of Keiko's ghost sometimes following him, staring at him.

Before, he could have smothered the feeling of her there. Now, without anything to distract him, it sent him spiraling deep into his memories.

Keiko--telling him she was getting a kitten whether he liked it or not, and if he kicked it he would be sleeping on the couch. Him grumbling that he didn't need to kick it, he would just blast its head off with his index finger if it got under his feet. Her thinking he was serious.

Keiko, calmly setting the apartment to rights after several demons had trooped in without notice, started to tell Yusuke about a problem in Raizen's old territory, gotten into a fight amongst themselves, broken the coffee table, and scared the kitten under the sofa before being tossed out. Stopping Yusuke when he tried to apologize; telling him that she understood.

Keiko, telling him that they ought to paint the room yellow because that was a color for either a girl or a boy and she didn't want to know which it was. Yusuke arguing that green was better. Keiko crossing her arms in front of her. Their biggest fights were always over ridiculous things like this, and when Yusuke saw her foot start tapping, he realized he'd better go get some yellow paint.

"Yusuke."

Yusuke was so wrapped up in reviewing every moment, every detail, that he didn't realize his name had been spoken out loud at first. It could so easily have been part of the memories. But then the person spoke again, with more urgency. "Yusuke. Hold still."

"Huh?" Yusuke blinked, tried to focus on the person in front of him.

"Hold still," Kurama repeated. His expression was serious and his eyes were not quite on Yusuke; even more telling, he was standing slightly on the balls of his feet, ready to move. Yusuke took all that in, and froze.

He was more than halfway expecting there to be someone sneaking up behind him--but it seemed to be Kurama himself who was doing the sneaking, moving slowly and silently closer while a baffled Yusuke remained frozen. Until suddenly there was a tussle of vegetation and his arm started to hurt, and then he just had to look no matter what Kurama said. There was a vine with nasty looking tentacle-sucker-thingies fighting with what looked like Kurama's whip, except Kurama wasn't holding the other end. The fight was pretty brief--the vine, oozing unpleasant gunk, retreated into the greenery with a surprisingly audible hiss, leaving sucker marks behind it all over Yusuke's arm.

Kurama bent down to retrieve the whip, which was now a rose, as calmly as though independent quarrels amongst vegetation were normal. "Did you think that all the predators in Makai were animals?" he asked.

Yusuke examined his arm. It stung slightly. "What was that thing?"

"Not something that usually troubles people, I can tell you that much. What were you thinking letting it latch onto you like that? It's a very slow mover--you can't have been paying any attention. It usually feeds on dead bodies."

Great. Now I really feel like a walking corpse. "Kurama?" Yusuke asked as he stood.

"Yes?" Kurama replied, gesturing that they should start walking back to the cave.

Yusuke fell in next to him. "Can I ask you a really personal question?"

Kurama looked at him with surprise. It couldn't have been any less than Yusuke's own surprise--he had had no idea what was going to come out of his mouth until he'd already said it. But he knew exactly what the question was. Something he'd wanted to know since Keiko died, something he'd never thought he'd be brave enough to ask Kurama. But suddenly it didn't seem to matter--not with the way today had been going, not with the mood Kurama had caught him in.

Kurama nodded, but his expression was wary. "You can ask anything. I don't promise to answer."

Yusuke cleared his throat, looking for the right wording. He knew he was about to tread onto seriously dangerous ground. "When you--when you were, uh, reborn. When you got your human body. Was--was there a soul inside it already?"

Kurama looked blindsided. Yusuke couldn't blame him--he'd undoubtedly been preparing himself for a question about Hiei. They walked in silence for a long moment and Yusuke could almost see a visible effort taking place to switch gears, to move from one emotional battleground to another--coupled with a faint look of incredulity. Probably wondering how many of his old wounds I'm going to take a swing at today. "Yes," Kurama finally replied, simply.

"What happened to the soul?"

Kurama gave a slow, uneasy shrug. "It went away. For a long time I thought that it returned to Spirit World unborn. I still believe that most of the time. But there are moments when I wonder if I carry part of it in me." He opened his mouth as if he would say more, but didn't.

Heedless of what the sudden stop might mean, Yusuke pressed on. "But how far along was the pregnancy?"

Kurama looked blindsided again. "Does it matter?"

"I just--" I just want to know when a soul enters a body, when it becomes a person, when it can die. But Yusuke knew that was a debate that had been fiercely contested for a long time by a lot of people, and he wasn't likely to get the answers here. "I mean, if the soul left, then it--it went back to Spirit World, you said, but is that it? Does it get to go into some other body and be born and live and everything, or what? Or is that it? Is it like it died even though it never got to be born and that's all it gets, just the afterlife? Does it get another chance?"

Yusuke forced himself to stop--and an uncomfortably long silence followed. Kurama's eyes, which had started to turn inward before, were now focused sharply on him. Yusuke looked away. He wondered how pissed Kurama was--the topic of the "real" Shuichi was forbidden and Yusuke knew it. He also knew he was getting away with it only because he was in the process of recovering.  

But Kurama's answer, when it came, held no anger. Just sadness. "I wish I knew, Yusuke." Somehow, he managed to make those words sound sincere, not just a token answer. "I really wish I could tell you."

Yusuke kicked a stone out of their path and watched it skitter away. He should have known Kurama wouldn't have the answer. But even the slightest chance--

"Have you asked Koenma?"

Yusuke glanced at him. "Asked Koenma..."

"What happened to it."

And just like that, the conversation jumped from a hypothetical one about Kurama to a very real one about Yusuke. Kurama met Yusuke's sudden stare calmly. Yusuke felt like hyperventilating. He knew--he knew, he'd figured it out just from Yusuke asking, he was the only person that had ever known...they hadn't told anybody before, and then after... "Did you talk to Koenma after she died?" Kurama prompted.

Yusuke gained a sudden appreciation for how hard it must have been for Kurama to answer his questions before; how hard it was to construct a level voice around words that burned. "Once. I asked him to bring her back. He said no. We haven't spoken since."

"You should ask him. Knowing will make it easier on you."

"But--what if it's dead?"

Yusuke couldn't believe he'd said the words out loud. He never had. But Kurama took it in stride, only glancing at him and then saying contemplatively, "My mother used to say that babies or little children who died were souls too perfect to need to live. She also used to say that it probably wasn't much comfort to the parents. But I don't think it matters--I don't think someone who's never been born can die. I think your child's alive somewhere. And I think even if I'm wrong, you'd be better off knowing."

Yusuke's breath caught in his chest on the words your child and alive somewhere. His arm actually tensed up to hit Kurama--he would have hit him in the past, but now he just stayed tense for a moment and then relaxed. "Maybe," Yusuke admitted. Then, stalling, he added, "But I bet Koenma wouldn't even want to talk to me. I sent a lot of people his way when I was... sick."

"He came by the cave a few days ago while you and Hiei were gone and asked if he could do anything to help you."

Yusuke looked up sharply. "What?"

"I'm certain he'll talk to you."

"If he wants to help me, why didn't he just stay?"

Kurama's jaw tightened. "Hiei." Yusuke looked at him blankly, so he elaborated. "Hiei and Koenma are not on speaking terms."

By speaking terms, Yusuke understood that Kurama meant somebody would die, and it wouldn't be Hiei. "Why didn't you tell me he was there?"

"Koenma and I are not on speaking terms, either."

Yusuke studied him, and Kurama pretended to be unaware of it--or uncaring, because he faced straight forward. "So he's involved in this fight of yours," Yusuke said, even though that was pretty obvious, just to see Kurama's response.

"To a degree." Kurama's tone was clipped, intended to tell Yusuke to drop the subject, but Yusuke had no intention of doing so. Aside from being a distraction from his own pain, it was the closest he'd gotten to learning something about their fight and he wasn't about to stop pressing right now.

"What kind of degree?"

"Ask him."

"...So you and Hiei hashed it out?"

Kurama only raised his eyebrows and gave him a mildly incredulous look, but Yusuke took the point well enough: it would take a lot longer than one afternoon to accomplish that. "Okay, fine. But you can tell me what it's about now, can't you?" Kurama's eyebrows went a little higher. "No one ever really knew."

"That was deliberate."

"Come on. It's been forever. You can at least tell me. I mean, I'm the one who forced you into talking about it in the first place."

Kurama seemed to consider this for a moment. When he spoke, his tone was void of emotion. "I did something Hiei did not like. So he allowed me to believe he had done something I did not like. We argued. We failed to come to an agreement."

It took Yusuke a long, long moment of silence to realize that Kurama was done. "...That's all I get?!"

"That's all you get."

"That was as bad as nothing!"

"And yet, I answered your question. As a token of gratitude for forcing us to talking about it in the first place, as you pointed out."

Yusuke shut up. He'd known Kurama long enough to recognize the tone of voice he'd just used as a red flag that his patience was gone. They walked in subdued silence for another twenty minutes or so before Yusuke realized they were close to the cave. Then Yusuke spoke up, awkwardly." Kurama--look, you won't--"

"Tell anybody?" Kurama shook his head. "No. I think that you should. But I won't break your confidence. I'm honored by it."

Yusuke didn't know what to say to that. They reached the cave, and both hesitated at the entrance. Yusuke shuffled his feet, looked at the forest. "Look, I'd kind of like to... be alone for awhile," he muttered.

There was a moment of silence. Then Kurama spoke very quietly. "I'm sorry. I can't go in there."

"...Oh. Right." Yusuke briefly considered his options--hang out in the clearing with Kurama, go into a cave no doubt containing a pissed off fire demon, or head back out into the forest for more encounters with things he was too weak or stupid to protect himself from. In the end he decided in favor of the cave, figuring he'd provoked Kurama too much to make staying with him a good idea. Besides, if Hiei turned out to be murderous Yusuke could always change his mind.

But he still hesitated--and then, because he had already provoked Kurama and if the fox was going to be angry he might as well get it all over with now, Yusuke spoke in a rush. It was hard to get his mouth to work, and he knew if his earlier words had been treading on dangerous ground then these were running onto it at full speed. But he couldn't stop himself. "You know, Kurama, if she--if Keiko--if she was alive. I don't think there's an argument in the world that could be so important it would keep me away from her."

He was amazed that he got it out. Even though he'd stammered, he'd managed to say her name, and had to guts to imply that Hiei and Kurama--

Kurama didn't turn to hear him speak, or to reply. He showed virtually no reaction, in fact; his reply was spoken without emotion. "You only think that because she's not alive."

Yusuke stared at him, but Kurama continued to show no sign of being aware of him. After a few moments Yusuke turned and shuffled into the cave.

Hiei was curled up towards the back, his cloak over his face--not asleep, but nonetheless giving them both an easy way to pretend that he was. So Yusuke also curled up and pretended to be asleep, even though hours passed before he finally was--hours he passed feverishly caught up in memories, not daring to move, scarcely daring to breathe, at once terrified to get lost in them and terrified to depart from them.

Chapter Text

"Now," Yusuke said.

"No."

"Now," Hiei said, moving to stand next to Yusuke and scowling.

"No," Kurama repeated, matching his pitch to Hiei's. He didn't move an inch, nor did his facial expression change in the slightest, despite the fact that the other two were now standing shoulder to shoulder and dead opposite him.

"We won't get another chance like this," Yusuke insisted.

"Of course we will," Kurama replied. His tone was contemptuous. "You think this is the only summit that will ever take place between the demon drug lords? They meet two or three times a year at the least to--"

"All three of the targets you identified will be present at this meeting," Hiei interrupted.

Kurama turned, ever so slightly, so he was facing only Hiei instead of both of them, and his eyes narrowed. "A fact which I am most grateful to you, Hiei, for taking it upon yourself to verify. Why, if it weren't for you, for your decision to take it upon yourself to go scouting for trouble, we might not even have known this summit was taking place. To think that we might have been training right now instead of arguing."

Hiei copied Kurama's tone of voice, mimicking it so well that even in the midst of the all-important argument, Yusuke had a brief urge to laugh. "Yes... and we could also be running right now, instead of arguing. It's unthinkable. Where would we be without you, Kurama, to make sure that we get bogged down discussing this instead of taking action. Good teamwork."

"Teamwork?" Kurama had the all-too-familiar expression of wanting to kill Hiei on his face. "You went behind my back, you deliberately sought out a distraction that would pique Yusuke's interest, and you presented it to him before you presented it to me because you knew I would tell you he wasn't ready. You know he's not ready."

"Guys, I'm still here," Yusuke said.

They ignored him. He hadn't really expected anything else. Hiei glared at Kurama like he hadn't even heard Yusuke speak and said, "You told the boy to pick the conditions of his training here, and he picked them! The targets he selected are gathering in one location and you want to sit on your--"

"The first condition of Yusuke's training is that he be able to get past both of us. Which he cannot do."

"So we'll make that the second condition! If it were ten years ago, fox, you would have been the first to say--"

"If it was ten years ago, Yusuke would be at his full strength and you wouldn't have gone behind my back."

When a brief, strained silence followed those words, Yusuke decided to make another try at getting back into the argument. He took a placating tone. "Kurama, I know I'm not as strong as I used to be. But so what? I've got you two to back me up. I'm not addicted anymore and I know what I can and can't do, I won't do anything stupid or heroic. You guys can pick up the slack. But I have to do this. I have to."

Kurama didn't once look at him. It made him want to strangle the fox. But Kurama and Hiei were locked in a staring match--Yusuke sensed they were testing each other somehow, and so he subsided in his attempts to be heard and there was another brief silence. Kurama broke it, his voice low and deliberate. "You are going to get Yusuke killed, Hiei. And the reason he will be dead is because you couldn't bear my company and had to escape."

Yusuke felt Hiei stiffen next to him. He didn't have to look to know that his face had gone pale; didn't have to look to know that Kurama had just completely and thoroughly won this battle, unless Yusuke did some fast talking.

He knew that Kurama was right about Hiei's motivation; he knew Kurama might also be right about Yusuke's ability to survive. But he was ready to forgive Hiei for wanting to escape the world that he and Kurama now lived in, and as to his own death--he didn't care, one way or the other, if he could go out like this.

So he did what he knew he shouldn't--he stopped trying to pacify and instead attacked Kurama. "The only reason you're resisting this is because Hiei came up with it. If you really thought I was going to die you'd be tying me down instead of arguing. None of these thugs can be as strong as you or Hiei. So I don't really need to be able to beat people that strong before we do this. Especially since you're both coming with me. Right?"

He fixed Kurama with a stern look as he said that. Kurama sent him a withering one in return. "Of course I'm coming with you. Provided I fail to prevent you from going in the first place."

Neither one of them said anything else. There was no need for them to. It was understood that Yusuke would go unless he was physically prevented from doing so; it was also understood that Kurama would be where Yusuke was, wherever that turned out to be. The only thing left to do was wait for Hiei's decision. It would decide the fight, and they all knew it, and the only question was whether Hiei's own motives or the hole Kurama's words had punched in them would rule the day.

The three of them stood in silence for a long moment, Hiei staring at the ground while the other two watched him. When he finally spoke it was quietly, and without the contempt that would have usually accompanied such a sentence. "I'm going. I don't care what either of you do."

Yusuke drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. Kurama nodded, acknowledging his defeat--but he wasn't going to quit without the final blow, and Yusuke knew even as Kurama drew his breath to speak that this was going to be bad. "But of course, you do care," Kurama said. "Yet you care either too little or too much, and either way it has driven you to make the most blatant error I have ever seen you make. I truly can't make myself believe that getting out of here matters more to you than Yusuke's life; and yet, I can't make myself believe you are so dense as to not see what is happening. I have never in my life been more disgusted by you." All this was said calmly and almost politely, and then Kurama turned slightly, so he was addressing both Yusuke and Hiei. "We'll leave in the morning." He turned and disappeared, fast and silent, into the forest.

They both watched him leave, then glanced uneasily at each other. "Doesn't set much store by your ability to live, does he," Hiei commented.

"Or your ability to think." Both their voices were flat, dispirited. Yusuke was already positive that this was one of the most depressing situations he'd ever been in. Getting to the summit mattered, more than anything, and in that sense he had won. But to know that he was yet again the cause of a split between Hiei and Kurama, to know that Kurama would for the first time in all these years be accompanying Yusuke out of duty and not free will--it was a hollow victory.

Hiei turned away. "Where are you going?" Yusuke asked.

"We're not leaving until morning." Which wasn't really a reply to the question, but nonetheless implied the answer: that Hiei would be unavailable until then. Sure enough, the next thing Yusuke knew Hiei had done his trademark vanishing act, there one second and gone the next.

Either he was going as far away from Kurama as physically possible, or he was pursuing him to continue the argument. Yusuke guessed the latter. Since the explosion that Yusuke had provoked Hiei and Kurama were back to pretty much constantly quarreling--or at least, Yusuke assumed they were. He couldn't be sure because they did most of their conversing out of his presence these days. It was bizarre. They would start to snipe at each other, the tension would escalate, Yusuke would start to prepare for the explosion and then--a nod, a brisk tap on the shoulder, a jerk of the head. One of them would signal the other, and the next thing Yusuke knew he was alone.

It could be minutes or hours before they came back, and when they did they always resumed training where they had left off and ignored anything Yusuke had to say about their absence. It was clear they had reached an agreement not to argue in front of him anymore, and since they hadn't had any qualms about that in the beginning it must be that the subject matter of their arguments had changed. Yusuke could only guess they were back to their original argument, whatever had shattered their friendship in the first place--but he couldn't imagine any argument so bitter that ten years later, their closest friend couldn't be allowed to overhear a single detail. As hard as he tried, he couldn't imagine it.

If nothing else came out of this crazy mess, he could at least congratulate himself on blowing the top off of ten years of silence. Even if he was as much in the dark as he had been before.

Yusuke was still outside the cave, barely having moved, when Hiei came back. The time in between had been so long that the sun had set, and Yusuke was halfway dozing. "Hey, Hiei," he said without opening his eyes.

"You aren't usually this way before a fight," Hiei greeted him.

"Hm?"

"Depressed. You're usually eager or determined."

"Yeah, well, I'm used to having you guys with me, you know? Not just with me like next to me, but with me. Like you want to be. Not like, you don't trust me not to get killed, so you'll come even though you're basically being forced into it. I hate this."

"So don't do it."

Yusuke finally opened his eyes. "Are you changing your mind?"

Hiei shook his head, once. "No. I just mean we shouldn't wait until tomorrow morning to leave."

"That's what we all agreed on, though."

"Exactly."

Only then did it penetrate through Yusuke's gloom what Hiei was angling at. He frowned. "Hiei..."

"I've thought it through. He doesn't want to come. He just feels obligated to you. So much so that he'd participate in a battle he doesn't want to fight in and doesn't believe can turn out well. That's not good for you anymore than it is for him. So do us all a favor. End the situation."

"It--that--" Yusuke was stunned by Hiei's assessment, so much so that instead of answering he sought to bring up a different topic. "That's not even the point. I suck, Hiei, I know that. Don't we need him? Just you and I..."

"More difficult."

"Is it even possible for us to win?"

"I don't know."

They faced each other bleakly for a moment. Hiei had not tried to dodge the question or make the answer sound better than it was. "But you still want to do it."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I've explained myself as far as I intend to. But I will take a minute to express my displeasure that you've apparently become so coddled by Kurama and I that you won't enter into a fight unless you know you can win."

"That's not true!"

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"The rest of my team?"

"So you'll force him to go."

"He wants to... I mean, he doesn't want to go, but he does if I do." It came out sounding confusing, where it had seemed clear in his head.

Hiei shrugged. "I've noticed in the past that a lot of what humans call friendship involves taking turns inflicting and enduring suffering of some kind. Maybe it works for you two. So do what you want. I'm leaving tonight."

"If I stay, what will you do?"

"Fight the drug lords, of course. You and Kurama can continue training."

"And you'd come back," Yusuke said, in a tone that indicated he didn't believe for a second that Hiei would.

Hiei didn't answer for a moment. "You're past the worst parts," he finally said. "You've broken the addiction. It's only a matter of time before you build your strength up to where it was. You don't need me to do that."

"Hiei--this is like your worst trait, ever," Yusuke fumed, anger piqued. "You walk out on your friends, and every time you do it you justify it and wave it away by pretending we didn't really need you in the first place when you know we--"

"Who's walking out?" Hiei cut him off. "I'm telling you exactly what I'm doing and offering you the option to come with me."

"You're not walking out on me. You and Kurama made a deal--"

"We agreed to work together until you could stand on your own. I think that's now. What do you think?"

"... I don't know."

Hiei shrugged again. "Well, decide. Quickly. If you think you aren't ready, then stay here with your nanny. If you think you are, I can help you travel at my speed. We'll be at the summit by tomorrow morning."

The subtext was impossible to miss. We'll be there by the time Kurama knows we're gone.  "You would seriously go there without me?"

"Why not?"

"It's my fight."

"Then fight it."

Yusuke stood up, slowly. "I can't let you get there before me. I have to be the one to do this. You know that. You're counting on it."

Hiei said nothing. Yusuke stared at him, trying to make it all make sense in his head. It felt wrong... but there was some truth to what Hiei said about Kurama feeling obligated, of Yusuke forcing him. How much truth? Would Yusuke really be relieving Kurama of an obligation he didn't want, or just allowing the same thing to happen that had happened ten years ago: the fight between Hiei and Kurama branching out, crumbling the ties that held them all together, the first and resounding break that heralded the eventual destruction of their whole team.

And if he wanted to see patterns being played out again and again... there was a certain kind of poetic justice to where he now found himself. Only it was worse this time, now that they were his friends, to see Hiei and Kurama break an alliance over him. To watch while one of them went behind the other's back and reached out to him...

...with something he desperately needed.

It didn't matter. It didn't matter whether Hiei was right or wrong, it only mattered that he wasn't leaving Yusuke a choice. Yusuke had to be at that fight. Hiei was going to start it. So Yusuke had to put himself where Hiei was.

He nodded, slowly, putting everything but the thought of the coming battle out of his head. "Okay. Let's go."

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Text

When Yusuke woke, it was only to know that the world wasn't a place worth waking to. Too much pain. He blacked out again almost as soon as he was aware he was conscious.

When he woke the second time, he didn't know where he was or how he'd gotten there, but he knew who was with him. He didn't open his eyes. Eyesight wasn't necessary for some things. Hiei was lying next to him, out cold, and Kurama was nearby, awake. Yusuke realized that if Hiei was alive they had probably won the battle, sometime past when Yusuke could remember. Furthermore, Kurama was calm, which meant neither of them was dying. Yusuke went back to sleep.

The third time, he was hissing and pushing Kurama away before he was fully awake. "Stop it."

Kurama brushed past his attempts at defense and continued poking a spot on Yusuke's shoulder that sent waves of agony through his body every time it was touched. "If you'd hold still it wouldn't hurt as much," he commented.

"Is Hiei alright?"

"As much as he can be." Kurama caught Yusuke's look of incomprehension and added, "He will be."

Which both together didn't quite add up to yes, but Yusuke had a more immediate concern--his imminent death at Kurama's hands. "Stop," he whined, unable to do more than flop feebly in an attempt to get away. "Hurts."

"You don't think I'm entitled to torture you? And as I said, if you stopped moving it would hurt less."

Yusuke stopped, but only because he knew whatever Kurama was doing would somehow help him heal--also because Kurama would stop faster if Yusuke held still. "How pissed are you?" he said through gritted teeth, struggling to form a complete sentence through the pain.

"At you? Slightly. At Hiei, moreso, though not as much as I would be had be not managed to preserve your life. At myself, most of all. I should have known how this would play out."

The answer was too complex for Yusuke's current state, so he listened to Kurama's tone of voice and decided it was alright. Then the pain increased, and he didn't care anymore. "Do I have to be awake while you do this?" he managed to say without screaming.

"No. Not if you don't choose." And that was the last thing he remembered.

The next time he woke he felt immeasurably better; clear-headed, with the pain a dull throb. Without opening his eyes, he took inventory of his body. His right shoulder still hurt the worst; the pain continued down his arm, gradually tapering to numbness. It felt like there was a depression in his chest every time he breathed--he'd felt that before, at times when he'd expended all his energy in battle. He ached everywhere, but nothing seemed to indicate real trouble.

It was Hiei's energy that filled the cave now, awake and alert, and Kurama's that was subdued in sleep. Yusuke opened his eyes and discovered that Kurama was lying near to him, curled up slightly. He looked like he'd been fighting--which was ridiculous, Yusuke was starting to remember bits and fragments of the battle and Kurama hadn't been there--at least, not while Yusuke could remember. But he still looked battle-worn.

Yusuke sat up to look for Hiei, and found him only a few feet away, studying the entrance of the cave. He turned when Yusuke moved. He looked okay--no visible injuries except a cut on his temple, and a look of exhaustion so deep it made Yusuke want to collapse just seeing it. "Kurama says you're asking to be unconscious," was Hiei's greeting. "He doesn't like it. Neither do I. Are you trying to escape from physical pain or something else?"

"Pain," Yusuke replied. "I haven't gotten around to anything else yet."

He could tell Hiei didn't find his answer reassuring, so he switched topics before the fire demon could pursue it any farther. "I guess you guys didn't think I was up to taking a watch." Hiei blinked. "You and Kurama traded off without waking me."

Hiei blinked again, then glanced at Kurama's sleeping form. "I suppose it didn't occur to either of us to wake you." He sounded mildly surprised by the idea.

"Was Kurama there? At the fight?"

Hiei looked at him sharply. "Do you remember anything?"

"Yeah, I think up to the point I blacked out. The first guy was down and the really ugly one was throwing those little knife thingies at us and you were deflecting them back, and then there was an even uglier guy behind us and..." Yusuke struggled to put together what had happened then--he had vague images, he remembered being picked up and thrown, and trying to stand up, but after that... "I guess that's as far as I remember."

"I figured I lost you around then."

"What happened?"

Hiei's response was detached--almost clinical. "I finished the fight. When I was hauling you out of there we met reinforcements. Many more demons had been invited to the summit than we thought, but Kurama had caught up to us by then and the first wave had already been past him, so there weren't many left. New groups kept cropping up--not just invitees, but locals noticing the disturbance. It took Kurama and I rest of the day to fight our way out the fortress. We were attacked twice on the way here. When we arrived you and I slept the rest of that day and that night while Kurama remained awake; he woke me up today in case he needed backup dealing with a group that had tracked us here. He won without help, but he was exhausted afterwards, so I stayed awake."

Hiei stopped talking. Yusuke paused for a moment to try to process everything he'd said--not only what he'd said, but how he'd said it, devoid of the slightest inflection or emotion. Furthermore, he seemed to think that concise summary was enough, when it had given Yusuke so many questions he didn't even know where to start. "What do you mean, you finished the fight?" he finally said.

"Just that."

"Just like, boom, they were dead? Once I was out of it you took over and what, it took you three seconds?"

"No. It took much longer. But in the end they were dead and we were not. What more do you need to know?"

"I need to know why you don't want to talk about it." Hiei was not a braggart, but neither was he modest, and this sudden unwillingness to describe a win was odd to say the least.

Hiei looked at him for a moment, contemplative. "Your honor is intact," he finally said. "It wasn't easy. It nearly didn't happen. So you needn't feel ashamed that I was able to finish the battle when you were not. I would have been killed easily by the next person I encountered had that person not been Kurama."

"...You saved me, didn't you."

"If you mean that I didn't leave your unconscious carcass--"

"No, I mean that you did something noble and stupid and that's why you don't want to talk about it." Despite Hiei's attempts to forestall it, Yusuke felt shame sweeping through him. Weak--weak and stupid, too stupid to know when he was too weak. That was him. Not deserving of the kind of friend who would shelter his unconscious body in the middle of a battle that was too hard to begin with--nor of the kind who would track him halfway across Makai, despite Yusuke's deliberate evasion of him, and take him back home safely. He had acted badly and it had cost his friends. "I'm sorry I almost got you killed," he said through gritted teeth.

"If you had, which you didn't, then we would be even."

Yusuke shook his head. "Wasn't your fault."

"Debating blame is pointless." Hiei seemed about to say more but stopped. His gaze shifted to Kurama, who was still deeply asleep despite neither of them keeping their voices down.

"He's sleeping pretty hard," Yusuke noted, fresh concern washing through him. "Is he hurt?"

"Cuts and bruises. He's just exhausted." Then, after a pause, Hiei added, "I drugged him. He won't wake up for some time yet."

"You drugged him?"

"When we were allies I would sometimes wake up in his room hours or even days after battles, feeling like I'd had the deepest sleep of my life, with no recollection of losing consciousness. After awhile I figured out which plant he was using; then I figured out how to untangle it from his hair without being attacked by any other seeds. It's only fair to use his own tactics."

"He'll be angry."

"Only if someone tells him," Hiei replied with a pointed look.

"Yeah, or if he notices a seed missing. Why'd you risk pissing him off?"

"He wouldn't sleep." Hiei looked haggard, and for the first time his voice took on a trace of some emotion--worry. "He wouldn't trade off with me. I mean, on the way back he would, we fought together like--but not when we got here. I couldn't convince him. I thought he was going to get killed in that last battle. I was ready to knock him out by force, if I could."

"Why wouldn't he trade off?"

"He's a stubborn jackass."

"Oh." Yusuke knew from that answer how it had played out. Each of them had decided the other needed to rest, and instead of compromising they had fought, probably to the point of blows. Their worst fights always seemed to come from trying to protect one another.

Yusuke considered pointing that out to Hiei. But for some reason--the battle, the look on his face--it felt too much like kicking him when he was down. They were both down. Regardless of who was alive and who was not, there was no calling what had happened a victory.

"...Hiei? What did you do?"

Hiei looked at him blankly. "When I passed out," Yusuke clarified.

Hiei scowled. "Why does it bother you so much?"

"Because I don't like it when people have to jump out in front of me, okay? I don't ever want anyone to do that."

Hiei reverted to staring at him blankly. It went on so long that Yusuke felt irritation flaring up. "You gonna answer me?"

Hiei's voice was quiet. "How little you know yourself."

"...What?"

"You're the kind of person that people jump in front of to save. It doesn't matter whether you want to be or not. Rules break around you, and people jump in front of you. It's not something you can change and it's not something you have to feel indebted for. It just is."

"...What do you mean, I'm the kind of person that--"

"Will you open your eyes?" Hiei gestured vaguely. "How many people do you think have saved you in the past ten years? Jumped in front of you when you were too high to even know you were being attacked? No, you can't remember that--so look around you now. Two people who can't stand each other are living side by side to try to give you help you didn't ask for. Kuwabara--you haven't seen him in a decade and you treated him like shit before then, and he crosses the border between worlds to bring you cigarettes. Koenma risks being killed by me to see if he can do something, anything, for you. You are not an average person, Yusuke. I wish to hell you'd stop acting like it."

"Stop acting like--what? I don't--"

"Stop acting like you're average," Hiei said, with emphasis. He meant to be angry, but his face was too tired for it, and he only managed smoldering resentment. "I know something terrible happened to you. I even know that an average person might not be able to handle it. Might try to sink into oblivion. But I've spent the whole of my life since meeting you believing that you were not average. I've changed my life because of that. I'd hate to discover I was wrong after all these years." Hiei paused to take a breath, to regain his composure, and continued with his normal trace of sarcasm. "So if for nothing more than the sake of my personal integrity, cease this. Be who you're supposed to be."

There was silence. Yusuke couldn't even begin to form a reply; he was stunned. Hiei had never spoken to him this way before--candid, bleak, no bluster and nothing held back. Was it a measure of exhaustion, or exasperation?

Was it true?

"None of this is how it's supposed to be," Yusuke said softly.

He was speaking to himself, but Hiei heard him. "What do you mean?"

Yusuke struggled to put what he was feeling into words. "It's--it's everything. Not just the snow. It's Keiko being gone, it's you and Kurama fighting, it's the whole team being split up. How am I supposed to do--whatever you think I'm supposed to do--when none of this is how it should be?"

"That's the most self-pitying statement I've ever heard you make," Hiei commented flatly. "Also the most pathetic excuse. Of course it's our fault you decided to be like this."

"That's not what I was saying, I was just--"

"What?"

"Why are you pushing me so hard?" Yusuke burst out. Hiei never did this type of confrontation--physical ones, yes, but emotional? He fled from things like this, and now here he was shoving it down Yusuke's throat.

"Because you need to be pushed! Because you let me push you straight into that fight, when you shouldn't have. You may be off snow, you may be trying to learn to fight again, but you are not yourself. Someone needs to push you--either back to being yourself, or off a cliff. And as Kurama's asleep right now, I get the job."

For some reason, instead of angering him, Hiei's words left Yusuke oddly calm. A hollow sort of calm. Hiei was pushing him because he was angry--angry at Yusuke, and rightfully so. But also angry at himself, for giving Yusuke the option to screw up in the first place, for getting them into the fight; and angry at Kurama, for being so hurt that he needed to sleep and so stubborn that he wouldn't, and so close and so far at the same time. And he was right to be angry, on every count.

"You're right," Yusuke said, softly. Hiei blinked. "I--guess I let you down."

It was a lame response, not enough after everything Hiei had said, but Hiei just blinked again, accepting it. Yusuke struggled to find something more to say--he felt worthless, agreeing with each of his faults that Hiei had outlined for him but not knowing how to do what Hiei demanded. Stop acting like you're average. What did that mean? "I don't know how to do what you're asking. But I'll try."

There was silence for a moment. Yusuke spoke again. "So, will you do something I ask in exchange?"

"I don't owe you a thing, Detective."

"I don't owe you either. At least listen to it." Hiei grunted, which Yusuke considered a go ahead. "Fix it."

Hiei didn't have to ask what he meant. "Why do you keep trying to deflect this away from yourself? This has never been about Kurama and I. It never will be. You should stick to what you understand."

"Yeah, well, I understand that I screwed up, but I understand I'm not the only person who did that either. Everyone did. Everything came apart."

"You don't--"

"Of course I don't understand, Hiei! How can I, when whatever it was that happened hurt so bad that neither of you will let anyone else see? All I understand was what got lost. I never said anything about it because neither of you ever said anything, but I've always known, it wasn't just a friendship or a partnership that exploded. And you know what I can't believe?"

"That you're saying any of this?"

"That either of you would give up."

"Well, clearly--"

"You haven't!" Yusuke cut him off. "Clearly you haven't. Not in ten years, not for one moment. I'm not saying you don't hate each other but you never stopped loving each other either, or this fight would have ended years ago. But neither of you let go. And you shouldn't. It's the kind of thing you fight for. It's--it's the kind of thing you jump in front of someone for."

"Detective--you are an idiot." But Hiei's voice was low, so low Yusuke could barely hear him.

"Yeah. Not the only one." Yusuke stood up.

"Just where are you going?" Hiei asked sharply.

"We've got to stop this, before we wind up split apart too. I'll be outside. Why don't you sleep already--I'll keep watch."

He didn't wait for Hiei's yes or no; he went outside and slouched down in his accustomed spot by the entrance, shivering in the cooling evening air. Hiei wouldn't sleep. Or if he did, he would make sure Kurama was awake first. Even through whatever fight or betrayal had rent them apart, they trusted each other more than Yusuke.

And they should. He hadn't gotten one single thing right since Keiko left.

He sat there shivering, dwelling on that thought. Believing it--but only until he heard voices, and glanced back into the cave.

Chapter Text

"Where's Yusuke?" was the first thing Kurama said when he woke, his words slurred from still being half-asleep as he formed them.

Hiei frowned. "Outside. If you can't sense that, then you need to go back to sleep."

Kurama returned the frown. "I..." The frown deepened. "You drugged me," he said accusingly. Hiei shrugged. "I hadn't thought you would have the audacity to do that anymore," Kurama said, one hand automatically combing through his hair to see if anything else was missing. "It was bad enough that you stole my weapons when we were partners."

"If you don't like it, you know what to do about it."

"Replace that particular seed with one that will poison you?"

"Go to sleep without my having to steal something to force you to."

Kurama glared at him. "First, you should trust my judgment concerning my own health. Second, you could make me fall asleep much more easily by using your Jagan. You steal from me because it pleases you to do so."

"Your body is human. I don't know what the Jagan would do to you."

Kurama sat back on his heels, looking at Hiei quizzically. The admission was out of place--certainly nothing like it had been said in the dozen times they'd had this argument before. "That's why you steal from me? More concern for my health?"

Hiei didn't say anything. Kurama looked like he was debating whether to pursue the topic--eventually something in Hiei's expression or posture must have counseled him not to. "How's Yusuke?"

"Fine. He went outside to mope."

"You two were fighting. I couldn't hear the words, but I could sense it. Why?"

"Why not?"

Kurama paused, and shrugged. There was a certain validity to that answer--there were so many different arguments going between the three of them, and so little that could be changed by any of them, that it seemed almost pointless to know what any one particular fight had been about. "Physically, then..."

"Whatever you did to him worked."

"And you?"

"I can fight if I have to. That's what you need to know, right?"

There was a subtle resentful to Hiei's voice. "Yes, that's what I need to know," Kurama replied, if anything only sounding more resentful.

"You didn't sleep through any attacks. That's not to say there won't be any more, but it is promising."

"How long did I sleep?"

"Nowhere near as long as you were supposed to. Are you sure those plants are working right?"

"It has a lot to do with how they're summoned," Kurama said, a little smugly. "You shouldn't expect it to work as well for you as it does for me."

"It used to."

"Yes, but we used to be--" Kurama cut himself off, and for a moment it seemed he wouldn't continue, but eventually he found words that would suffice. "Different than we are now. Your energy--it was accepted by mine. Or part of mine, even. You didn't have to conceal it, because you running your hand through my hair wouldn't have woken me, even from a light sleep. How did you get it this time, by the way?"

"You were exhausted. It wasn't difficult."

"That's no answer and you know it."

"If I tell you, it will never work again."

Kurama looked at him with unveiled surprise. "Who says you'll ever have occasion to need to do it again?"

"If I'd asked you six months ago if I would ever touch one of your seeds again, what would you have said? We can't know. And you're stupid, Kurama--you really want to die this utterly stupid death of being too tired to fight anymore. I have to know how to do this."

The emotion in Hiei's tone was too blatant to miss, but even so Kurama couldn't name it. Hiei was not looking at him, but rather sat with his arms crossed and his shoulders hunched, staring at the ground between his feet. "...So you've decided you prefer me alive to dead," Kurama hazarded.

Hiei shrugged. Then a flicker of a smile crossed his face. "I haven't decided yet. But if someone else kills you, I don't have the luxury of making the decision. If you're alive, I can always change my mind."

The same flicker crossed Kurama's face, then died away. Neither of them spoke for a moment. The silence was not tense--on the contrary, it was almost restful. Certainly enough words had been exchanged--since that first big fight, the one Yusuke had pushed them into, a hundred smaller skirmishes had taken place, every minute detail rehashed and each other them trying to flay the other to the bone. And then--then the sudden battle, in which there had been no room for anger or recrimination, no room for mistrust or slow communication. No room for anything but the way it had been before. It was no wonder they were content to sit in silence for a moment.

Finally, and predictably, it was Kurama who spoke. "What now?"

"Him?" Hiei asked, gesturing outside. "Us?" He gestured vaguely around the cave and at the outside where Yusuke presumably was. "Or us?" And he made a motion with his finger, drawing a line between himself and Kurama.

Kurama shrugged. "Any or all of the above."

"What makes you think I have any ideas?"

"Well I don't."

Hiei smiled without any mirth. "Then I hope the boy's in the mood to make plans."

"He doesn't get a say in the second 'us,' though."

"Doesn't seem to stop him."

Kurama smiled slightly. "No, it doesn't." He paused. "If you believe that you and he are both in condition to fight, I can leave."

Hiei looked at him sharply. "Why would you do that?"

"I was under the impression I wasn't wanted."

"Don't be petty."

"I'm not. Your actions ended the contract. Either it was fulfilled or it was broken, depending on how you look at things, but either way it's ended. We don't have to do this anymore. I'm asking if you want me to leave."

"...That's not for me to say."

"I didn't say I would comply with your wishes."

"But you would, if I said go. Your feelings are hurt, so you're trying to get me to give you an excuse to do what you want to anyway and leave."

"I've never gotten to be the one who leaves," Kurama said contemplatively. "It's always one of you two. Or both, in this case. And you're the one who left when this started; you left Yusuke, too, a little bit after that. And then Yusuke left me and everyone. I can certainly understand the appeal, but given the current circumstances it doesn't appear to work very well. Does it?"

"No," Hiei said flatly. "I can never get rid of either of you. Maybe when you leave you'll do a better job of it."

"You want me to, then."

"I didn't say that."

Kurama looked at him hard for a moment. Then, abruptly, he said, "I'm too tired for this."

"For what?"

"For having to fight you every time I want to know something. I shouldn't have to go twenty rounds to get the answer to a simple question. At any rate, we've argued enough lately that I ought to be able to do it just fine in my sleep. Give me a few minutes to lose consciousness and we can continue."

With that curt dismissal, Kurama turned away--he didn't bother to move, for what illusion of distance could be created inside this cave that they were still, somehow, bound to? He just lay down where he was, the message of his turned back still a mixed one: I won't talk to you coupled with I know you won't hurt me if I look away.

"It's not a simple question," Hiei said, several minutes later and very quietly. Kurama didn't react. Hiei waited a moment, watching him, a myriad of small expressions crossing his face. Then he moved--he didn't really get up, it was more of a crouch, and on his hands and knees he maneuvered himself, spider-like, over Kurama so he was once more in front of the kitsune, and quite close at that.

Kurama shifted irritably, though he didn't regain much space by doing so, and opened his eyes. "What do you want?"

Hiei didn't answer immediately--just looked at him, then moved forward again, closing any remaining distance and completely obliterating the concept of personal space. "In," he said simply.

Kurama's entire posture and expression changed--from hostility to surprise, then to something unnamable. Hiei remained as he was--too close for comfort or discretion (except that it was comfortable, somewhere buried in both their memories), inside the circle of Kurama's energy, inside even the curve of his body. In.

Slowly, without exactly moving away, Kurama pushed himself into a sitting position. Hiei did the same, and then they both leaned against the side of the cave, elbows propped on their knees, silent mirrors of each other staring at the opposite wall. Kurama spoke, in a tone that was light with exhaustion, almost casual. "Let's stop fighting."

Hiei considered this for a moment. "All right."

Neither spoke again. The only movement was when Kurama's head shifted slightly to lean against Hiei's; they sat where they were, silent and weary and peaceful, until gradually they both slipped into sleep, forgetting the need for someone to watch for enemies

~*~*~*~

By the time the other two actually slipped into sleep, Yusuke had long given up spying--he had had to move away from the entrance before he exploded. He raced out to the edge of the forest and then jumped up and down several times, punching the air for emphasis.

Calming down slightly, he paced around the clearing in front of the cave, not sure which emotion he was experiencing stronger--elation, or envy. Not envy--longing. Elation for his friends and their success, and longing--longing for that moment he had just witnessed. For that closure; the settling of accounts. Even though very few words had been spoken, the most important things in life were unsaid and Yusuke knew, he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt, that it was over. They'd already said everything they needed to say, and now the quarrel was ended, the conclusion come to. They could finally move on. That one moment, when the tension had suddenly eased. The tension that had been so tight, so heavy, such a burden that in its unexpected absence they fell asleep leaning against each other.

It was bittersweet, for Yusuke. It was a victory, the first victory any of them could claim since his friends had kidnapped him and he'd begun to reassemble his life. And what Yusuke felt was also a victory, because at least now he knew what he needed to pull himself together--even if he could never have it.

That moment, with Keiko. That ending. She had died with words unsaid between them, died suddenly and without peace, and god I need to know she's at peace, and if he could just have that moment of closure, to say he was sorry and know she forgave him-- "God, Keiko, I'd given anything to see you that one time," he said aloud, through gritted teeth.

A voice spoke from behind him. A voice that froze him, head to toe, on the spot; a voice that demanded that he dare not turn around, for fear there would be nothing there. "I'm right here."

Chapter Text

Yusuke remained frozen--every nerve tingling, not daring to look, willing the voice to speak again. After a moment, it did, with a familiar irritation was the most wonderful of blessings to Yusuke's ears. "Are you going to turn around, or do I have to move over there? And keep in mind that I've already done a lot of traveling to get here."

Yusuke turned. She was there. Was it real? He had seen her before, seen her flickering in and out of visions brought on by too much or too little snow. And her voice he heard always. But something made him think she was really there. Maybe it was because he knew he couldn't possibly be influenced by snow now. Maybe it was the way she looked, compassionate and cross at the same time. Maybe it was because her image was transparent and flickered and he knew instantly she was a ghost, and he had never seen her that way before.

She was waiting for something. For him to speak. Yusuke wet his lips. "Can I--can I touch you?"

Keiko bit her lip; she shook her head. "You know how these things work," she said apologetically, indistinctly. "Not all the rules get broken for you."

It made sense, that he couldn't. It hurt, but even the pain was something to hold onto. Yusuke stayed where he was and stared, determined that if he couldn't touch her he would not miss one second of looking at her. He tried not to blink.

Keiko didn't say or do anything at first, just watched him watching her with compassion now untempered in her eyes. But when she realized he wasn't going to do anything else without prompting, she spoke. "I'm really impressed that you can see me now, Yusuke. You've grown a lot."

She sounded sad and happy at the same time--the way she had always sounded when she talked about Yusuke fighting, when she talked about things she couldn't understand but accepted anyway. "What do you mean?"

"I've come to see you before and you couldn't--"

"I would never," Yusuke cut her off, his voice louder than he meant it to be. He tried again, quieter. "I would never not..."

"How many people have been helping you and you didn't know it? You didn't see them. And they're alive."

"I would never miss seeing you. Ever."

Keiko shrugged. "You're not psychic, Yusuke," she said. "You can't see a ghost unless you're trying to. Unless you want to."

They stood in silence. Yusuke still felt frozen. He knew there were a million things to say, to ask, explain, apologize. Apologize. "Keiko--" But he couldn't get past that.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry." He ground it out, and for the first second took his eyes away from her, because he couldn't bear to look at her while he said it.

"For?" Keiko's voice was neutral.

For some reason, that triggered Yusuke out of his shock. "What do you mean, 'for?'" He was amazed to find that he could still--still--yell at her. "For you being dead! For both of you! I killed you!"

"Don't ever say that again." Her eyes were flashing and she was neither speaking nor yelling, but somewhere in between, her anger greater than Yusuke's. "Ever."

"But--"

"It was not your fault. I don't know if you'll listen to me or believe me but you have to hear me say it just once anyway, just in case it does make you believe it. It wasn't your fault."

"I didn't protect you."

"Yes, you did." She had calmed down now, as though she had expected this--but of course she had. What else would they talk about? "You taught me how to use spirit energy even though I was terrible at it. You had me watched when you weren't there. You had me watched when you were there."

"It wasn't enough."

"The only other thing you could have done would have been to stick me in a fortress somewhere and never let me leave. And that wouldn't have been right, either."

"It sounds pretty good to me now." Yusuke bit his tongue too late to stop the sarcastic comment. He couldn't believe Keiko had traveled between dimensions so that they could stand here bickering with each other, like always. Although, it felt pretty damn good.

"I would have been miserable," Keiko replied. "But I was happy, Yusuke. I was happy up to the day I died. That's what you did right. That's what husbands are supposed to do. You can't protect a person from everything that might happen."

"They were demons, Keiko! You didn't get cancer or get hit by a car. Demons killed you. If you had never known me you would be alive."

She didn't answer right away. "Yes," she finally said, shortly. "That doesn't mean it's your fault. It's the fault of the demons who killed me. And you've been letting them win."

It was like she had slapped him across the face--worse than that. Like she had knocked the breath out of him with those words. "What?" he managed, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"Why do you think I was attacked, Yusuke? All the things you did--the way you killed all those demons that were attacking humans, the way you got them to elect their kings, the way you were changing everything in Makai--they wanted to destroy you." Her voice trembled. "They wanted you to stop what you were doing. And you did."

Yusuke couldn't say anything. He couldn't, because he knew she was right, right on all counts. And because saying she was right, or saying he was sorry, wouldn't be anything in the face of the last ten years. So it was Keiko who spoke next, again. Her voice was still trembling but overly casual, like she was trying to choke back tears and not let him know it. "This thing, that Kurama and Hiei are making you do? I'm really proud of you," she stammered. "You got through it okay. You got back to yourself, you even made them do it too. You're winning now."

"And that's what you came to tell me?" he asked, his voice just as shaky.

"No. I came to tell you I forgive you, even though I don't because there isn't anything to forgive you for, and I don't want you to think I think there is. But everyone in Spirit World says you need me to forgive you. So I will."

Yusuke didn't know what to say. He never would have believed it--that getting a chance to talk to Keiko again, he would stand there in silence, not knowing what to do with her forgiveness. She didn't fill the silence this time, and they stood there a long time before Yusuke asked the question he had to, whether it was wise or not. "What happened to the baby?"

"It couldn't die--it was never born. It was born to another couple. They won't tell me who. I guess that's a good thing. It doesn't need two mothers." Keiko's eyes were shadowed, and Yusuke could tell that whatever she said, she missed the child. But then the shadows left as she looked him directly in the eyes and spoke deliberately. "It did not die, Yusuke."

It was like he was suddenly floating--like that great a weight had been lifted off him. He closed his eyes. "You did."

"And you will too, someday--again. But you had better fix it first."

Yusuke opened his eyes again, startled it. "Fix it?" he echoed stupidly. Like I told Hiei to.

Keiko gestured vaguely. "This. Fix it. You're finally you again--I know you are, and that's the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. But our friends--the group is still--and all of the things you did when you were...ill," she faltered. "I know you can do it, Yusuke. Fix it."

"I can't. I can't bring you back to life."

"No. So what can you do?"

They faced each other a moment, until Yusuke nodded slowly, understanding what she was telling him. "Okay."

"Promise."

Yusuke felt a vague smile overtaking his face--saw it on her face, too. It was like it was ten years ago and they were standing in the kitchen talking and drinking coffee, and Keiko making sure Yusuke couldn't weasel out of whatever they were talking about. "Promise."

"Good. Now hold still, and don't close your eyes. You won't feel this." Keiko stepped forward, her face unreadable but surely full of both sorrow and joy; and Yusuke held still, held even his breath, and didn't close his eyes while Keiko kissed him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Good morning!"

Yusuke's excessively cheerful voice greeted Hiei and Kurama at really too early an hour the next morning. Two pairs of eyes opened owlishly, blinking at the cave entrance where Yusuke stood, sunlight pouring in all around him. "So, I've been doing a lot of thinking while you two slept--and thanks, by the way, for letting me take the watch. It's good to know you can trust me." He added this last part a little maliciously, for he knew full well Hiei and Kurama had fallen asleep without thinking about posting a watch at all--he watched them blink and then glance at each other. "Anyway, I've been thinking, and I want to apologize."

"For?" Hiei asked with a scowl.

"Well," Yusuke began. "Kurama, do you remember back when I was first off the snow and I tried to apologize for attacking you while I was on it? You said I had a hell of a lot of things to apologize for and people to apologize to, and not to half-ass it. So, here goes."

His two friends were looking at him like he had lost his mind, but Yusuke took a deep breath and went ahead anyway. "Kurama, I apologize for attacking you when I was trying to get snow from you, and for trying to shoot you with the spirit gun, and for running out on you when Hiei and I went to fight the drug lords, and for trying to make you stay in human world when Shiori died when that was really stupid and selfish of me, and for the time I punched you and called you a liar when you came to find me and tried to tell me Genkai had died--I might be making that memory up, I'm kind of unclear on it but if it did happen I apologize--and for all the times you had to save my ass and I didn't even recognize you, and for walking out of your life when Keiko died, and for not listening to you a bunch of times I should have." He turned his gaze from the stunned fox to the equally stunned fire demon. "Hiei, I apologize for all the times I hit you or screamed at you while I was detoxing and you were taking care of me, and for going with you to fight the drug lords when I knew that I couldn't hold up my end of the fight and getting you into a deadly situation, and for letting you walk out of my life when you had your fight with Kurama, and for waiting all this time to tell you what I thought about it instead of calling you on it right then and there, and for saying no when you asked me to watch Yukina while you were here and I was there, and for all the times you had to save my ass and I didn't see you and all the times you yelled at me and I didn't hear you, and for the time I did hear you but I pretended I was too high to recognize you because it was easier than listening to what you were saying. And I apologize to both of you for letting you go through years of silence and not getting into your business and beating your heads together a long time ago, and for anything else I forgot to apologize for."

There was a stunned silence. A very long stunned silence. Kurama recovered first. "I accept your apology," he said simply.

Yusuke nodded, then glanced at Hiei. He gave his usual response. "Hn."

Taking that down as another acceptance, Yusuke took a moment to breath deeply. Telling them he was sorry had been hard--telling them he wanted to leave them was going to be harder. But he continued as though nothing was bothering him. "So. I have a lot more people to apologize to, and a lot of things I have to fix, and I decided I ought to start in human world because those are the people I hurt first and probably the worst. Not that I haven't been having the time of my life in this cave, of course, but they say all good things must come to an end. Although--and I know you guys have already done a hell of a lot for me, but I'm still going to ask for more. When I'm done in human world and come back here, there'll be an awful lot of people to track down and apologize to, and I don't even remember who some of them are. I can't do it by myself."

Hiei and Kurama looked at each other, considering. Some sort of communication that Yusuke couldn't follow passed between them--something about body language, facial expression, maybe even telepathy, who knew? Whatever it was, they both looked back at him, and Hiei spoke. "We'll walk you to the border." And that was that.

It felt strange to leave the cave. It had been a boundary to him for so long--a jail and a sanctuary at the same time, a place where he was watched over. Where those who watched barred him from leaving, kept him there against his will, but also kept the outside world from reaching him, protected him and picked him up when he collapsed. He would have neither boundaries nor guardians any more, and the thought was a little frightening.

But no more than that. Nothing could really frighten him now--he had faced his worst fear last night, and she had forgiven him, and kissed him. He thought about that kiss--insubstantial, a thing not felt but seen and remembered--and let his mind dwell on the memory while they walked silently through the forest, Kurama and Hiei on either side of him.

No one spoke until they reached the border, the silence a peaceful one for once. Their farewells were simple, since they knew they would be seeing each other again soon. Kurama cautioned him that human world had changed in ten years and he shouldn't be surprised if technology and customs were slightly different; Hiei advised him to go to Genkai's temple, which Yukina was now in possession of, and orient himself there before he did anything else, and Yusuke agreed. Then they said goodbye and see you soon, and Yusuke stepped across the border into the human world.

Kurama and Hiei stood there looking at the space where he had been for a few moments, saying nothing. It was almost anticlimactic, after all they'd been through--and yet, there was no denying the goal had been met, even if it hadn't all gone exactly as they'd planned. Yusuke was fine. They turned to each other questioningly. "So what now?" Hiei asked.

It was a loaded question. Kurama thought for a minute; then he stretched, casually, and sighed. "Yusuke's got me thinking about loose ends," he said. "I've got a few of my own I could stand to tie up. I was just thinking, in fact, about an old associate that Yusuke reminds me of sometimes. He stole the most incredible sword, right out from under my nose," Kurama said musingly. "Never did get it back."

"Then go and get it," Hiei said sharply, clearly annoyed. "Or don't. Why bother telling me about it?"

"Because it wouldn't be easy. To retrieve it, that is. A difficult job." Kurama met Hiei's eyes. "I could use a partner."

The energy between them changed. Kurama's eyes held a question, and after a moment Hiei answered, with a nod and a feral smile that seemed to spread across his whole face. "So where does this scum live?"

Kurama returned the smile. They turned away from the border, already discussing distances and methods of entry, their feet falling back into the old habit of walking side by side without either of them consciously altering their step. Neither of them looked back.