Chapter Text
Empty. Her gaze was empty as the mocking letters offline reflected in her eyes.
Good luck, Jake
read 17:48
Five hours. About five to six hours was that ago and the offline would since then not turn to online again. What was she even doing here?
Thick smoke rose into the dark of the night, almost invisible under the moonless sky. Only the cold light of her screen and the warm light of fire about a hundred meters away in the entrance of a mine could have given the emptiness in her eyes away to anyone who was running passed her.
But none of the firefighters, police officers, FBI agents, or paramedics paid her any mind. Why should they in the first place? There was a fire, and a person who has been missing for weeks, was finally found; so why would they care for the pain in a bystander's eyes? Pain that never showed as tears, pain that would rather be buried deep down, six feet under in her subconsciousness, never to be seen by anyone.
She would return back to her normal life, if that even existed, would turn away from the heartbreak, pain, and, yet, also joy that had brought this place upon her. She would vanish, as she has never existed in the first place, like a mere figment of their fantasies, only to be forgotten once the situation changes and she was no longer needed.
And they would go back to their lives as well. With loss, but also winns. Ultimately she was neither. No win, nor a loss. She was just a memory that they would someday forget about, as she would forget about them.
Will I miss them? Will they miss me? were questions she pushed away, like soggy bread that you accidentally left in the sink.
One last time she scrolled through her chats, remembering all the conversations that she'd held with people she hadn't been supposed to meet at all. One chat she read through more thoughtfully, before shutting down the messenger app, never to be opened again.
It was like she had never existed in the first place. No one would find out that she had been there. She wouldn't reply to their texts like they had all just imagined her existence. Because she had foolishly thought her existence meant something--had a purpose to fulfill.
Perhaps the purpose was just simply not what she had imagined it to be. And for that she would keep living in shame. In shame for not being able to safe those who had become important to her.
♧♧
A sole figure emerged from within a hatch, coughing into their elbow. Their face was covered in soot, the skin looking almost the same shade as the raven black strands on their head. Their throat burned, each new cough sending a new flash of pain to their lungs, making their eyes water from agony and dryness.
There had been another exit out of the mines that he had conveniently spotted on his old map at the right time. The map was, just like his phone, lost in the flames. It was a sacrifice that had to be made and yet it frustrated him because he knew you would worry sick if he wouldn't soon contact you and tell you that he was alright.
Yeah, alright...Not good, but alive at the very least. However, was that of no importance to him, as the reality of it finally being over hit him. You had told him, that Hannah had been saved, was finally found, and in good hands.
How exactly the mines had suddenly caught fire, even his genius couldn't really put a finger on. Most likely someone had laid it and that someone was probably Michael Hanson. For whatever reason, he didn't know about. Had that been his plan from the very start? Committing arson in the mines, burying himself under the rubble.
Far too close to having been buried himself, he removed his black hoodie that was partially burned. The smoke and sweat-filled texture made him cringe, so he tied the fabric tightly around his waist. Although he would have to get rid of it one way or another, as he really wouldn't be able to fix it again.
The cold evening air send chills down his spine that was only so much covered by a short-sleeved t-shirt, over that he had previously thrown his hoodie when he had convinced you to not come to Duskwood.
He wasn't in Duskwood anymore, he noted by the simple unfamiliarness of his surroundings. He would have to find a phone fast, so he could text you about his wellbeing before you would make your promise come true of dragging his ass out those mines should he not make it out himself.
To be fair, he had fully accepted the possibility of eventually losing his life today, however, had you been more than enough reason for him to try and make it out there alive. Admittedly, death due to fire was not something he had seen coming.
Having your angry text in mind that you had sent him after everyone had agreed he would go to the mines in your place, he stumbled down the path that would lead him to wherever. If only he had his phone to know where exactly he was.
♧♧
Y/n
Today
Hey...
I guess you won't read this no matter how much I hope you do
It has been a year
I just wish I knew why you suddenly disappeared
Was it because of us?
We didn't even get the chance to thank you for all the things you have done for us
Hannah wanted to personally thank you
Where are you Y/n? I want to help if there is anything troubling you
Jessy sighed, wondering why she was even trying. It had been a year since you'd last texted. She had almost daily texted you in the hope you would sometime read it, but none of the messages ever reached you, instead mocked Jessy for still hoping to get back in touch with you.
It was as if you had never excited like you had been nothing but a figment of her imagination. And yet there were the hundreds of text conversations that she had never deleted. Also, the others (Cleo, Thomas, Lilly, Dan, and Jake), who had also known you, had proof that you indeed existed. Or had they all just imagined the same thing? No, if that were true, Hannah wouldn't be back.
Another sigh escaped Jessy as she went to help Cleo build up a stall for the Pine Glade festival. She had liked for you to see it one day, had even made a promise with you to show you around Duskwood as soon as Hannah was back.
Hannah was back, but you were gone.
So was by the way Jake as well. Not the way he had gone into hiding before. He just had gone undercover after Hannah's rescue, because of all the FBI officers on the scene. He had said, they were probably on to him, so he went into hiding again, was however still in contact with Lilly from time to time.
More than once he subtly asked the question all of them were wondering about. If there had been any sign of you. You were almost better in hiding than Jake it seemed, as even he hadn't been able to track you.
Perhaps you just needed time, they had argued, although none of them really believed that. Or maybe they simply didn't know you as well, as they had believed.
At some point, they had even tried to get in contact with you via the cops. Alan Bloomgate had also been interested in talking to you, but was as surprised by your sudden disappearance, as they had been. In the end, your statement had not been considered important enough (as they got all the needed information from the group) to track you down with the help of the FBI. There was only so much they, as the local police could do to find you when you lived probably far away from Duskwood.
Another set of hands appeared in Jessy's vision. Hannah, lifting a box full of tools onto the bench. She was smiling, but somehow her smile did not reach her eyes. It was exactly one year since she was back. 365 days since she and Thomas were back united, 365 days since Richy was dead, and 365 days since you had not talked to them.
Hannah knew. Thomas and Dan, who were just a few meters away, helping to carry some beer tables around, knew. Cleo knew, Lilly knew and Jessy knew as well, what day was today. A day to celebrate and a day they all had secretly dreaded because you wouldn't come back, would you? You wouldn't suddenly text, wouldn't send some random emoticons, wouldn't ask Cleo for her recipes, wouldn't tell Thomas to stop being irrational, wouldn't tell Dan to stop flirting with you, wouldn't joke with Richy, wouldn't stop Jessy's self-deprecating jokes and wouldn't talk about Jake like you were madly in love.
You wouldn't do any of that anymore. Maybe that was how it was supposed to be from the start. You had been a random stranger, appeared so suddenly in their lives, and were meant to disappear as suddenly.
Had you never felt as close to them, as they had to you? But yet Jessy had been so sure there had been something going on between you and Jake, even if it had only been coming from your side. It had just been the way you had always included him into the group, talked to--or about him and the overall way you two had interacted with each other.
Nevertheless, you had so effortlessly vanished from their lives. All those promises, to someday meet, seemingly had never meant anything.
♧♧
Y/n
7. May 2022
Good luck, Jake
send 17:48
He had already lost count of how often he had stared at those last words you had texted him. After losing his phone he still had been able to restore your complete chat conversation. As well as all the conversations you had held with the rest of the group that he had read along to.
And since then you hadn't texted anymore, not a single word, never even came online. Just like he had when he had gone into hiding. Only that you never said anything, nor did you come back.
Your profile picture had vanished, meaning your number wasn't in service anymore. Did something happen? Was it because he had gone into those mines, although you had been against it from the start to end? Even as he had been inside them, you had always told him to get out there as fast as possible. It had been so unusual, unfamiliar that someone was caring so much for his wellbeing. He wanted to thank you for that. He had and still wanted to thank you for so many things. For being such a good partner all that time, for trusting him, for listening to his advice even though you hadn't always understood his reasons, for not giving up, for making him laugh, for protecting him when he was on the run.
But all he was now able to do was stare at the texts you had sent him. He hated to admit it, but the past year he had re-read your conversations from day one up to the last, almost every day.
And every time he wished that you would just come back online, tell him that he is a creep for reading along your chats with the others, tell him that he could trust you and that you trusted him.
Jake sat up on the mattress of the motel bed that he had been crashing in for the last week. He would have to leave this motel again, not wanting to risk his pursuers tracking his location.
He opened his computer. He had only been traveling with the bare necessities of his equipment. The rest of it had probably been taken by his pursuers. But he could handle with the little that he still had. That wouldn't be a problem.
Sparked with motivation, he wanted to do something he had almost done a hundred times over the course of the past year but had always backed out of. Would he do it this time?
More than once he had wanted to hack into your social media, e-mail address, and cloud in the hope to find any sort of clue why you had so suddenly vanished.
And almost he had backed out of it again, feeling as though he was invading your privacy like the creep he was. But you weren't active on those accounts anymore, were you?
And unsurprisingly it was easy for him to get access to various social media accounts of yours. He remembered how you had implied that you were rather forgetful and needed to change your passwords at some point because you had reused some more than twice. If you still had been contactable, he would have definitely scolded you for it. Basically, he would change his passwords every week, if not every two days, while you just used the same for years now.
Your e-mail was not active anymore, nor were your social media accounts. At least they weren't deleted. However, was there not much to see, or for him to figure out about your private life or anything that could have caused you to go completely offline. It seemed you have never been really active on them to begin with.
From what he could tell, you were interested in anime, writing, Disney, the MCU, and art. Maybe even traveling as your e-mail had been registered to multiple traveling websites.
On your Spotify, he could find much about your music style. Although that seemed to be all over the place. You had multiple playlists, all with different themes; sad, dancing, anime songs, instrumental and more. Songs from different artists, yet what each playlist had in common was the name. Always something with daydreaming. Like you had full playlists for diverse scenarios, fantasies, or emotions.
Taking a look into your clouds notes, he found various notes about Hannah's disappearance, theories on who could have been the kidnapper, attempts to connect the dots all by yourself, things you had never openly brought up to him; that Richy could have been the kidnapper. You had had that always in mind? Why had you never told?
You had put so much more effort into the whole thing than he could even have imagined.
And there were even little notes you had taken on...him? Questions you had wanted to ask him, but never had the chance to and questions he had only dismissed or vaguely answered.
You had remembered what his hair color was and other little details he had, more or less, let slip. You were, if not even more than him, a bit of a stalker yourself. It made him think of a conversation you had had with Jessy once that he--much to your disapprovement--had read along.
Jessica, Y/n
3. Mai 2022
You're always so fast online, like do you even sleep Y/n?
Nope
Okay no, I do but....late?ig
I'm just bored
What should I say....I have nothing better to do
Than talk to you guys
Like do you not have any friends?
Or work???
Uh....well I do have a job.
But I don't like it honestly
And friends....well not really many that I hang out with.
Anti-social ig
What is your job?
I don't wanna tell :-D
I wanna do something else anyways.
Maybe I'll do it after we're done here.
Oh
What do you wanna do?
Logging into your old contact list, he could definitely see that you had not lied about not having many friends. With few you had many conversations and they had only seemed to be shallow.
And suddenly he felt very much uncomfortable again, the feeling of intrusion completely overtaking him again, making him close the program, never to ever look at your personal data again. It's not like you were dead, so why had he done that? He would have preferred to find out all those things by you telling him. But that was not really possible anymore, was it?
♧♧
It was the last stroke of hope they all had. You had once helped them find Hannah, now they were gonna find you. Because they had all collectively decided that they weren't just gonna let it end like this. Especially Jessy was unhappy with how things had ended, so she had been the one to propose the simple, but best idea they currently had. Visiting your city. At some point you had mentioned in what area you lifed in to one of them, so that they all now knew where to most likely find you.
Sure, the plan had some flaws, like you lived five hours away, in a big city and could have moved sometime over the passed year. Especially the last two were the plan's greatest flaws that were to solve.
That's how they all came to sit in two different cars. Jessy, Dan, together with Cleo, while Lilly, Thomas and Hannah were in the other. The five hour drive was sometimes filled with traffic, the next minute the roads were deadly calm, like every hint of life had been sweeped away by a tornado.
To be honest, had you not told them that you lived in a city, they all would have guessed you to live in a small town like them. You had just seemed to know exactly how their life in little Duskwood was like that they had thought you were in a similar environment. Ultimately they had been very wrong in that assumption.
Jessy was scrolling for the third time toady through your last chat, over the thousands of texts she had send you, never to receive an answer to them, as well as the ones you had actually answered. The ones before you had vanished.
Y/n
Today
Hey
We're gonna visit you.
I'm excited
kind of.
Like I really wanted to know what kind of environment you life in.
I hope we'll see you again.
Somewhere.
If you're reading this, please tell me.
You just so weirdly vanished, like nothing ever happened
Like we never meet and I don't understand why
Will you explain it to me if we ever see each other again?
Because it's not exactly the same without you.
I don't know really know how to explain it.
It's just different.
And we miss you.
You and your jokes
And your smartass
Dan's words, not mine
I hope you're alright at least.
I really miss talking to you.
Oh😮
I forgot to tell you something .
After Hannah was back I got myself a dog
It's a golden retriever
You'd probably like her
She is with Phil right now.
He says he doesn't like her, but I know he's a liar😄
Oh, you may not know Phil got released from prison after everything got cleared up.
He had been asking about you too
Squinting at the bright screen, Jessy hoped that maybe you would magically answer if she'd just wait long enough.
Cleo watched Jessy as she stared concentrated at her phone, guessing that she was scrolling through your old texts again. Admittedly she had done so herself often enough herself. But you had been especially close to Jessy, so it just made sense that your vanishing had effected her the most.
And yet all of them felt like something was missing without your invisible presence that always accompanied them through a screen. They had never meet you in real life, still felt somewhat greatly connected to you, as if they had known you for years.
For Cleo you had been like a little sister, always asking for tips on cooking and baking, like a curious kid. But at the same time you had often seemed so much more mature then any of them, so much more experienced in life as if you had played through it a million times.
Whatever it was, there had had to be a reason you had suddenly blocked them all out of your life and this was the mystery that was to be solved this time. In this 'case' they were the detectives and you the one they had to find. The roles were reversed.
They stayed all in silence the first two hours, neither of them sure what to exactly say. But when they all couldn't take the suffocating silence anymore, Dan was the first to break it.
"So," he started, a sly smile creeping to his bearded cheeks, like he was about to say something dumb, "what do you think that dork is doing right now?"
Horrified Cleo glared at Dan, who was sitting in the passenger seat. Jessy released a giggle at the nickname.
"You mean Y/n?"
"Of course! She literally just went like....'yeah case solved, bye bitches,'" he attempted to imitate your voice, but failed miserably. They had only heard your voice through a speaker to this point, but even then that wasn't what you sounded like at all.
"Don't know. Maybe she is a private detective now," Jessy joked, remembering all the times you had jokingly said you should get a position as private detective.
"Or she's nurse," Dan suddenly cut in.
"How did you get that idea? Y/n a nurse? Really now?" Cleo frowned, her gaze fixated on the road.
"What? She once said, had she been my nurse, she would have pushed me through the corridors full speed," he lifted his arms in a defensive manner, "and would drink Jack Daniels in front of me, just to piss me off."
All three started to laugh. That did sound like something you would say. Always switching from serious to joking to sassy. Your sense of humor was quite hilarious, if they were being honest. That's why they missed it so much, because you could make them smile no matter the situation.
Whatever you were you doing now, hopefully you still made people smile.
♧♧
They all had to admit that this was completely different from little Duskwood. Streets weren't sleepy, instead they were buzzling with all kinds of people. Kids of all age, from toddlers and babies with their parents, to teenagers. Business men and women, wearing elegant clothes. There were street dancers, street musicians and others. So many people and yet it all had a rather anonymous flair. Because you don't know who each person you pass is, their story, relationships, profession. Nothing. They were all, and would always stay, strangers.
Perhaps that's why you lived here. You would perhaps always stay a stranger to them, only someone they had ever talked to over a screen.
The diversity didn't stop with the people. So many shops and restaurants stretched as far as one could see, offering a great variation of possible activities for them.
There hadn't been an actual plan to find you. Without saying it aloud, they had all already accepted that it was unlikely to find you in this huge city, with no clue to your whereabouts. So it was more of a spiritual way of showing you their gratefulness and a way to bid their goodbyes.
"So...should we all go separately?" Lilly hesitated with the question.
"I guess that be the best," Thomas replied, one of his hands squeezing Hannah's.
"Should we meet up again here in....about four hours?" Cleo inquired, already downloading a city map.
"Sure," they all agreed and then split up. Hannah with Thomas, Dan with Cleo and Lilly with Jessy, each went in a separate direction, not knowing what they were even looking for.
Lilly and Jessy just randomly wandered around in silence, trying to figure out whether you had ever mentioned any of the places they passed by. At some point they stopped by a Indian restaurant, to still their growing hunger.
While Jessy went to order their food, Lilly pulled out her phone, opening the chat app, seeing a knew notification from Jake. Jake knew of their little trip, as Lilly had told him about it. She had even offered for Jake to join them, but he had declined right away for whatever reason she did not know of.
After finding Hannah, the siblings had all stayed in contact. While Lilly had gotten used to the existence of her half brother fast, Hannah had needed some time to comprehend that her teenage crush had been her brother. Very much sweet home Alabama. And Jake, well Jake stayed the awkward person he always was, although he grew more and more comfortable with his sisters.
Jake
Today
Are you okay?
Is Jessica doing alright? You said she had seemed off this morning.
I think she is doing alright.
She really misses Y/n a lot and I guess being here brings all kinds of memories.
I see.
You know Y/n would kill you for calling Jessy Jessica.....
:)
You're right, she would be mad.
Jake, you really could have joined
None of us would have minded
You miss her
Am I right?
Before Lilly could see Jake's answer, Jessy returned, so she quickly closed her screen. Jessy knew that Lilly had asked Jake, if he had wanted join. So she could conclude that Lilly had just texted with her brother, however decided to not bring it up.
For the most part their lunch was eaten in silence, only from time to time one of the two started a conversation that always died down shortly after.
After they had finished their lunch, Lilly excused herself to go to the bathroom. Without being watched by Jessy's watchful eyes, she found it to be a good opportunity to check for Jake's reply to her rather straight forward question.
Jake
Today
Perhaps you are right.
Lilly sighed. That her brother wouldn't actually speak it out 'aloud' was to be expected. There was just this dryness and emotionlessness in his texts that she had gotten used to by now. Maybe he really wasn't so sure about his emotions that he actually couldn't express them through texts. It was the complete opposite of you. You had always been so expressing in your texts, they all could literally imagine your real life expressions in their heads, like they could actually see you.
With another, more frustrated sigh, she finished her business and washed her hands. Jessy was waiting, having already paid, with her phone in hand, likely just having texted one of the others. Probably Cleo.
Cleo had been worried (as they all had) for Jessy's wellbeing after having lost not only you, but also Richy.
"I'm done. We can leave," Lilly exclaimed, as she was directly next to Jessy, peaking over her shoulder to get a glimpse of her expression. There was a smile. It was small, but it seemed genuine. Perhaps it was Dan she had texted with and he had said something that had lifted her mood to something more light hearted.
"Sure! Let's go." Hooking their arms together, they left the restaurant and continued their little exploration.
It continued without much happening. Though they really had to admit that it was a lovely place to life, when you're more into the city life. The whole atmosphere was just completely different than the one in Duskwood, having an intriguing effect on the two women.
Something that they weren't used to, was for an instance, the many, many rainbow flags that could be seen everywhere. Right, in June was always Pride-month. That explained the colorfulness everywhere. They both simultaneously wondered if you have ever attended one of the many pride parades that apparently were going on here in June. Honestly they both agreed, each for themselves, that you likely had.
They skipped along the filled roads, dodging people left and right, while most ignored them completely. They were the strangers in this city and you could see by the way they clumsily passed one place to another.
Soon they would have to return to their meeting spot, so they searched for the fastest route back there.
It was a different route than they had come from, so there was just as much to see. Their eyes traveled, until Jessy's suddenly stayed on one object. Her whole body halted, startling Lilly.
"Jessy, what is it?" Lilly asked, her heart beating out of her chest from the sudden scare. But Jessy didn't answer, instead kept staring at whatever had caught her attention. Lilly followed her gaze, realizing the object of Jessy's interest was a bookstore, or rather one of the many books that was being displayed in the showcase.
Wordlessly Jessy approached the bookstore, Lilly following hot on her trails, cursing under her breath.
"Jessy, talk to me! What's going on? You're scaring me."
"That book," Jessy pointed at one specific book.
What we never got to say
By (insert Artistname)
"What's up with that book?" Lilly didn't really understand what was so special about it and wouldn't get an answer until Jessy came out of the bookshop again, said book under her arm.
"I could be wrong, but I think Y/n wrote this book."
"What gave you that idea?"
♧♧
For the third time in twenty minutes Dan stared at his wristwatch. Where were Jessy and Lilly? They were running late, although they had all agreed to meet in this spot after four hours again.
Another ten minutes it took until the group could spot the two woman pushing through the crowd, visibly something bothering them.
"Would the ladies explain, what took so long? Met any hot dudes?" Dan teased, more amused than annoyed at them for the delay.
"What Dan is trying to say is, we were worried," Thomas cut in.
"That, Tommyboy, was not what I was trying to say."
"I--....we think we found something.....something regarding Y/n," Jessy panted, still a bit out of breath from the speed walking.
"And what would that be?" Dan rolled his eyes, although very much interested on what said thing was.
"Can we explain in a more secluded area?" Lilly asked, as tired from all the fast walking.
"Sure. Come on."
♧♧
They all sat down on a group bench near a fountain, Thomas and Hannah had found in their exploring time.
On their way, Lilly had requested Jake to call her, telling him that it would interest him as well and that it would be easier if he just saw it over camera. Of course, he was being soundless, without a camera of his own activated, when he had agreed to the request. But alone that he had agreed was a progress that made especially Hannah and Lilly happy.
"So? What treasure have you found?" Wordlessly Jessy dropped a book on the table. The others eyed the book confused, not knowing what Jessy was trying to tell them. Not even Jake at the other end of the screen understood.
"The author's name, guys," Jessy stressed.
"Yeah, never heard of it. What has this to do with Y/n?"
"Her name. You may have not heard it before, but I have. It's Y/n's name. Her artist name." As none of them answered, nor seemed to follow what Jessy said, she grunted frustrated.
Suddenly over a text Jake asked, "Y/n has a artist name?"
"Yes, at least I think. We had once talked about it. She said she liked to write, but wouldn't publish with her actual name, but rather with this artist name."
Y/n
3. Mai 2022
What do you wanna do?
As a profession, if not what you're currently doing
Honestly?
If I could, I would want to be a writer
But I'm not that good and no one would buy my writing anyway T_T
😲 omg
Really? You write?
That sounds awesome!
Don't say that, I'm sure you're great at it and everyone would buy a book you wrote.
I would 😊
Nah, seriously I'm not that good
And anyways I have too many ideas at the same time but never finish anything
You could write about your experience with us🙃
Haha!
You're right
Have you finished anything yet?
Uh...
Some short stories and a collection of poems...
Why don't you publish them?
As I said, they're no good
Seriously, I'd be way too embarrassed
I'm sure they're awesome
And can you not like publish stuff under another name?
Yeah.
I would definitely never publish them under my actual name 😆
Any ideas what your artist name would be?
Actually yes.
(Insert artist name)?
Oh, that one really fits you!
Slowly Jessy's words began to dawn on them.
"So you're telling me, this book could be from Y/n?"
"Actually, it's pretty clear that it is. Look at the dedication," Lilly took the book from Thomas, who was currently holding the book in his hands, and opened it to the first page, while simultaneously filming so Jake could see what they saw. There, in cursive letters, they read the dedication of the work:
To my dear friends, who have appeared so out of nowhere to mess up my boring life
Jessy, Dan, Cleo, Lilly, Thomas, Richy, Hannah
& Jake
Their names. All of them, even Hannah, who you had never even meet.
"What the--," Dan exclaimed, as he took the book in his hands, scrolling through the pages. It was a collection of poems and short stories.
The scrolling slowed, came to a complete stop over the last poem that was named, "Stuck behind a screen".
But you have
touched my soul,
felt my heart,
embraced the warmth of my true being
You're unseen,
hidden behind a screen,
yet you've been with me
when I needed you,
hugged me with your comfort
of words
You took
the dark of me,
saw perfection
when all I saw was
imperfection
Time passed and that comfort
turned to something new
Because now I want to
touch your soul,
embrace your loneliness
and make it go away
like you made mine
go away
And now
I want to find a place,
a way
to be with you
But you left me behind
went to a place I can't follow
Now you're hidden further
than behind a screen
While I'm stuck behind mine
♧♧
Jake sucked in a sharp breath as Lilly's camera hovered over the final poem. Why did it feel like this final poem was directed at...him? No, there was no guarantee that you wrote it, the dedication could have just coincidentally contained the same names as your friends from Duskwood. But how realistic was that? The odds of a coincidence were low, low enough to not be considered coincidence anymore.
And why exactly did, deep down, he actually wish that it wasn't a coincidence? Because that would mean you were still there, that he could find you if he tried hard enough. You hadn't vanished, just hid yourself.
He couldn't deny that the option of you having been caught by his persuers as a way to get to him, had played in his mind over the passed year. But this meant, he had been wrong, you were still there, hopefully safe and not completely out of reach.
But, how was he gonna find you? The only clue he had from you was a false name. Yes, he could definitely find you. He was a hacker, after all.
It would be easy, if you were still as careless with your passwords, as you had been with your old ones.
Typing a bit more aggressively than necessary, Jake searched up your (artist) name and indeed a quick Google search confirmed that it was just a pseudonym that you used to publish your works with. Although the internet wouldn't give him your real name, he believed it was you nonetheless.
There were multiple accounts for diverse social media platforms that appeared to be yours. And yet they were almost as bare as your old ones, only filled with work related content, many people seemed to enjoy. He even found out there were works you had published online. That, he all found out, without actually hacking into any of your social media accounts, but by pure reading.
It really seemed you had started a whole new life in that one year. For some reason did the reality of the situation leave a sting in his chest, like a needle had just pinched his heart, like a invisible force that squeezed all the air out of his lungs, making him feel as if he was suffocating like a fish on land.
Had he not been the one, who didn't want any sort of attachment? Had he not planned to leave the way you had, after Hannah was found? So why were you doing it? Why had you cut the ties like nothing ever happened and not him? Was it really that fascination, he had felt towards you from so early in their investigations that had made him feel so vulnerable, so drawn to you and careless about his own rules to protect his safety?
He had fought it, back when a text from you would illuminate his dark room and despite the cold of the screen's light, would always bring this spark of hope to him. He had fought it, this passed year, when there was no message, no call, not even a conversation that you weren't even holding with him. Nothing, so shouldn't the sting have left? Shouldn't that emptiness that he could not explain to himself have already disappeared?
Shouldn't all the thoughts, daydreams and dreams have already disappeared from his mind? All those times he had literally smacked himself, for thinking about your eventual first encounter in real life, the times he thought of scenarios where you would run away together, holding your hand as you ran from the FBI, while you cackled because you were having the time of your life. Those times had never disappeared.
He only had a vague idea of your appearance, the only times he had seen it, when you were on the phone with Jessy and the others. Never had he seen you dedicating your smile to him, yet he still remembered what it looked like, even through the not so good quality of your camera.
It was in those silent hours of the night, between 1 and 3 AM that he had those thought the most. Dreams, or rather really desperate desires, to wake up and have you laying right there next to him, having you glance at him with those eyes that never failed to see through his inner emotions. Even if you had only ever seen them through a text message.
He didn't know how to describe those inner dreams, wishes that he would never admit aloud. Didn't know how to name them, yet he was sure you would have been able to tell him right away, with your talent to read people, like they were all open books to you.
He was a logical person, yet all that logic went lost when it came to you.
His hand ran through his raven hair. It had grown a bit, not enough that it would bother him, but something more messily looking. Something that someone could ran their hands through and play with. Not that he really cared about it much. He liked his hair a tad bit longer anyway, it was perfect to hide his face behind the hood of his favorite black hoodie.
He texted Lilly that he would end the one sided call, which she seemed to be fine with and closed his laptop to get something to eat. He had been ignoring the growing hunger in his stomach, due to the curiosity to stay updated on his sister's exploring. Had he been honest, he would have joined them, but had ultimately decided against it, too afraid to be the outsider, who did not belong in the group.
Tiredness added to the grumbling of his stomach. He would have to purchase some energy drinks on his way. As it was his favorite, today's dinner would also be Chinese food. Apparently there was a really good restaurant close by.
♧♧
His hands stuffed in the depths of his hoodie's pockets he followed the way his map lead him. The whole time his ears and eyes were on guard, always jerking around when there was a sudden noise coming from the bushes, or a car driving passed him. The constant tension in his body was pulling on his tired eyes. Though he needed considerably less sleep than what was considered healthy, even he needed rest. And the peace to rest, he hadn't allowed himself in a while.
His destination approached fast, as his throat had started to burn from the fast walking.
Inside he was hit by the delicious smell of his favorite food, which made him drool immediately in anticipation. The interior was welcoming, so was the waitress that took his order.
Too tired to walk all the way back, he decided, against his conscience, to stay and eat there. It was a Wednesday, not many people where in the restaurant as it was a workday and most people would only now return from their work. When his food was ready, Jake didn't hesitate much to still his nagging hunger that had become painfully annoying over those ten minutes of waiting time. Breaking apart his chopsticks, he took a last quick look around, to make sure no one was staring at him suspiciously and then dug in, savoring each bite.
East styled music played softly in the background, nothing disturbing the peace he let himself experience, until the little bell above the door chimed through the room. From his position, in the booth next to the window, he had a pretty bad view of the entrance, however great vision over the parking lot, in case a FBI car would pull up.
As there had not been any police cars outside, he paid the new costumer less mind than he perhaps should have. They seemd to be just a normal costumer like himself.
From the corner of his eyes he watched the new person approach. Just like him, they wore a black hoodie, hood pulled all the way over their face, hiding it from Jake's view. They decided for the booth at the other end of the room, in his back.
Just as he was about to shovel another bite into his mouth, a man, the owner he concluded, shouted out to the person, fastly approaching them in a friendly manner. Did they know each other?
His face paled, when he heard the name, the owner addressed the stranger with.
"Y/n! You had me worried, you wouldn't honor us with your presence today. Don't worry your usual is already being made," he spoke, the color further draining from Jake's face at the familiarness of the name, the man had addressed them with.
"I'm sorry to worry you. Something....came up and delayed my arrival," the person, a woman as was now clear, responded softly, almost unhearable. And if Jake thought there wasn't any color left to leave his face, then he was sorely mistaken. The voice sounded somewhat familiar. Although before he had always heard it only distordedly through a speaker, the softness, the way they pronounced certain salables, he would recognize everywhere, as it had been heard in so many of his daydreams.
Almost scared, he refused to turn around, though his head was just itching to turn around and confirm that he was simply imagining things. Ten minutes he did without turning, his chin ever so slowly always tilting to the side, only for him to lead it back with his hands. He was imagining things, he had to. You weren't actually there, not so close, after you had been so far for 399 days. Yes, he had counted them.
Ten minutes, of whatever sick torture this was, passed, until their food was served. Softly the familiar voice spoke,"thank you very much," marking the final loss of willpower he owned. He turned, slowly. Not wanting to seem like a creep, he peeked over his shoulder through the hood of his hoodie, then more until he could see the woman clearly about ten feet away from him.
The face was hidden by their hood, but when they peeked through the room themself, he caught a glimpse of their face
A lump formed in his throat, when he recognized the face, he had only ever seen through a screen, yet could never stop his thoughts drifting to.
♧♧
It felt like a sledgehammer was crashing against your chest, with one swing forcefully pushing all the air out your lungs. Your skin crawled, felt like it was cracking slowly, only to erupt into a massive explosion of all the emotions you desperately tried to push back into the back of your mind. Anger, fear, sadness, shock, disbelief, denial and grief. You needed to leave before the intensity of said emotions would erupt like a volcano.
You turned your head, your feet carrying you further and further away from the flaming mines. The fire had spread so far, most floors had been filled with smoke or rubble from the unstable mine walls.
Jake had been down there. 70 meter under the ground is what he had told you. The ladder was old and rusty, meaning he had to have climbed them slowly. It had taken him long to even reach that far down, it would have to take as long to get back out. The FBI was stationed at every possible entrance, yet none had seen someone leave the mines, aside from Bloomgate and Hannah. No one was allowed to enter the mines, the smoke and instability of the walls too dangerous even for the professional firefighters.
He must still be in there. He hadn't texted, no one had found him, what lead to the dreadful conclusion that had you clenching your jaw, further pushing the tears back where they had come from. You should have been the one to be covered in rubble, not him. Richy had requested you, not Jake. You should have stayed stubborn, should have told him to shut up and let you finish all this. If only you had stayed stubborn, then he would not have died in the mines. Perhaps the FBI would have caught him, but he would have been alive. And hell, you would have moved heaven and earth to get him out of jail, if only he would have gotten out of there.
But he didn't. He was in there. He hadn't texted you, convincing you otherwise. He was dead and it was solely your fault.
Your nails clawed at your forearm, digging deeply into the sensitive skin. You would break soon. You couldn't hold back the boiling grief for much longer, if you'd not calm down. You swallowed and swallowed, like that would actually help. It didn't. Soon your fist would forcefully drop on the back of your head. And again, more force behind it, the pain spreading down to your jaw and neck. Again and again it came down, until the strength left you and your fingers instead grabbed the roots of your hair.
And alongwith the strength, the anger disappeared, instead replaced by numbness.
Numbness that stayed through all the way back home. Your eyes only stared into nothingness, replaying your final conversation with Jake. Despite the anger and grief that had moments earlier consumed you, like water when you drown, your heart stayed awfully calm. The air reached into your lungs, makinng it feel as though the coldness would burn you from the inside.
Robotically you left the bus after six hours. People automatically made way for you to pass. Their expressions didn't register in your mind, despite your usual analytical eyes. You just couldn't care less. Would they all die right that instant, you wouldn't care, wouldn't even blink.
On your way through the dark of the night, you reached your home, without ever breaking out of the tunnel of thoughts.
And suddenly you felt very disgusted. Disgusted at yourself. Not finding the care to get undressed, you jumped into your shower and turned the temperature to the highest setting. At first you hissed through the hotness that gave more of a icy sensation on your skin and would turn your skin soon into an angry red.
And that as when the anger returned. Your ripped off your clothes, unsure where the sudden strength had come from and you screamed. You screamed, slammed your fists against the cold tiles and you did it again. You screamed, your throat burning with the overuse, but you didn't even feel the pain. Your fingers slammed again against the tiles and again and again, until your muscles and bones ached. Your voice screamed further in agony, until suddenly the fear to accidentally snap your vocal chords tuned the volume down to a sob.
Nails clawed again at skin, scrubbing the guilt off your skin. You wanted the guilt to leave. But like a second skin it embraced you and wouldn't come off, no matter how deep your nails ripped at your flesh. It just wouldn't go away, this disgusting feeling of invisible blood on your hands.
You had killed him. He had been right, he had been the logical choice, he had been close to Duskwood, yet you should have fought that logical conclusion. He wouldn't be dead, if you just had not trusted him, trusted him that he would come back and someday meet you in real life. You shouldn't have trusted, believed in his smart words.
For once you shouldn't have trusted Jake, because you had, he was dead now. And you were to blame. You had been scared to go to the mines. You had for once been scared to die and because of that had finally given in to him.
Now his blood was sticking to your body, and although the only thing red was your own skin because of the burning heat right now, it was there. A invisible reminder of your cowardliness, humiliating you with force that opened your skin under your nails, until real blood poured, only to be washed away by the water. That was fair. You deserved it, deserved to bleed, because of you people had died. Richy and Jake, were dead because of you.
♧♧
The same night you deleted everything. All your chats, your e-mails, all the pictures and vidoes that once had been of importance to find Hannah. You logged out of your social media, deleted your Google account, disconnected to your cloud and returned your phone, laptop, tablet, everything that had been connected to any sort of account from you, back to its original factory setting.
For the rest of the week you ate not a single meal, instead stayed in your bed, unmoved, drank only when the headache was turning unbearable and only went to the bathroom to pee.
Sunday was the fist day you moved more than the usual ten steps a day. You showered, you drank half a liter of water, only to barf most if it out again due to the over hydration.
You dressed in a black hoodie, pulled the hood over your damp hair. You walked, until you arrived at a bus station. You rode with the bus, only left it, when your eyes spotted a Chinese restaurant at the end of the road. Jake had asked you once whether or not you liked Chinese cuisine. You did, you had answered back then.
Today was Sunday. It was a Sunday, when Jake had first called you at the beginning of your united journey.
And a Wednesday was when your journey had ended.
To honor that, those two days a week, were when you ate, ate to your hearts content, always in the same place, the Chinese restaurant you had discovered this day.
♧♧
"So that's why you only eat Sundays and Wednesdays?" the man, sitting opposite Y/n inquired carefully.
"Yes," she answered flatly. What could they do? Bring her to a mental hospital? They had already done that. Would they force her to eat? Yes, but she would throw it up every day that wasn't a Wednesday or Sunday.
"How often does it occur that you imagine him in your head?"
"I don't know what he looks like."
"His voice?"
"He had used a voice changer."
"Is there anything that comes to mind when you think of him, when you have never meet him in real life?"
"The silly smileys he always used."
"Did he?"
"Yes."
"And did they make you happy?"
"Yes."
"And now? When you think of them or see them?"
"I don't know."
"Really?"
"Can we just get to the next question?"
"Yes, of course. Tell me one word that you think of when you think of him."
"There is not a single one."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, he was smart, analytical, quiet, adorable, cute, a bit of a dork."
"Mhm, that's good. There is one question left, I want to ask you today. After that you are free for the rest of the day, if that is alright with you?"
"Do I have to answer?"
"No, you can always chose not to. That I told you from the start. But I'd still liked for you to hear it."
"Okay."
"As far as the definition goes, would you say, you were in love with Jake? Although you have never meet him, or heard his voice. Would you say, you felt comfortable, understood by him, cared for and in turn cared for him as well? So much that you would have died so he could have lifed in your stead?"
"Yes. To all of it."
♧♧
You were sitting there, ten feet away from him, with no clue of his presence whatsoever.
Quickly he focused on his food, blinked a few times, not really believing his eyes. When ever did he not believe his own senses? He was sleep-deprived, he told himself. Coincidences like that did not exist. He peeked over his shoulder again and you were still there, headphones in your ears, noodles hanging between your lips, only to vanish with a loud slurp.
What should he do? What if he was wrong and that person wasn't really you? Should he talk to you, after all he had been wanting to convers with you again for so long and now you were sitting right there and he was too afraid to approach you.
What if you didn't wish to talk to him, wanted to forget all about him and what you had been through together? Cogs were turning in his mind, his heart's rhythm starting to fasten, while he was confused on what to do.
What should he do? What would you do? While trying to find Hannah there had been so many moments where you had been in danger. When the threatening calls started, his persuers tried to hack your phone and so on. You had been determined to go to the mines, to safe Hannah and Richy and you had only backed down after everyone had convinced you to not go.
But where had he been all that time? He had been watching behind a screen, never showing himself, always making sure to keep himself safe, never taking any risks. Even if it meant denying his feeling towards you, like a coward. Because what he never dared admit to himself, what he had attempted to fight for so long, were those growing feelings towards you that stripped him of all his senses, making it so that he actually wanted to put those barriers down to let you in.
So why was he being a coward right now, when he knew, deep down, what he actually wanted? Was it fear? That you would be put in danger because of him, or was it the fear of rejection? What if you had no feelings towards him, as he had towards you? But then, haven't you been the first one to show interest?
He turned more and more troubled, and when his bowl went empty, the frustration turned into anxiety, since had nothing to keep himself occupied with anymore. He could leave and pretend you have not been there, or he could bring up the courage to adress you.
The easier option would be to just leave and pretend nothing had happened, like he hadn't seen you in real life for the very first time, re-encountering after a years time.
Yet he knew he would regret that decision, if he ran away from you, if he wouldn't pull his shit together and confront you. Why were the right decisions always the ones to cause you the most distress, the most trouble?
He hesitated, fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie, until the lump in his throat felt like it was going to choke him, if he wouldn't do something. He pinched his throat, the lump still there.
He sighed frustrated. He was really gonna do that now, wasn't he? He stood up, the desire to sit back down and hide, overtaking him like a tsunami. The fear, it accompanied him through every step his took in your direction.
You haven't looked at him yet, your headphones preventing you from sensing his footsteps.
He found the proper words stuck in his throat.
Y/n
I think we should get some help from the almighty internet.
I'll find out before you, wanna bet?😁
You do know who you are talking to, right?
I am not going to go easy on you
Y/n
I find it difficult to read emotions when communicating only by text messages.
That's what you got me for🙂
Thanks.
Normally I don't like to talk about this flaw of mine.
That's not a flaw in my eyes
Y/n
I thought you'd never ask😉
There is a clue that points to one of the Duskwood legends
Do you want to tell me about it?
Once the right time has come
Are you mocking me right now?
Doesn't feel so great, does it?😎
I have to admit, this made me laugh.
But I guess I deserve the fact that you are making me wait to hear your news.
No, I am not that mean😉
Y/n
Mind-blowing. You literally have the exact same notes as me.
Two peas in a pod🙃
Y/n
Why are you trying to fight this?
Because it isn't right!
And it's dangerous.
For me just as much as for you.
I am sorry Y/n
Y/n
Please Y/n.
Trust me.
I trust you
Y/n
I am pretty difficult to figure out
You definitely are.
Y/n
Who you gonna call?👻
Ghostbusters?
Hehe.
Y/n
You did a really good job.
I thank you for your help.
We are an awesome team🤭
Yes, I feel the same way.
Y/n
Either way, you haven't found your sense of humor yet
You don't know what having fun looks like?
At least I've heard about it.
:P
:P
Y/n
Hey, Jake?
Yes?
Thank you
For confiding in me despite all of this
Thank you for never making me regret confiding in you.
He recalled all those first conversations. All the times you had made him laugh, despite the situation, gave him hope, trusted him and suddenly he found the courage to call out your name.
"Y/n?" He was still scared, but his voice had somewhat turned firmer, louder than he had ever heard it, yet soft.
You took out one of your headphones and suddenly those eyes of yours were directly staring at him, no hint of recognition evident in them. Of course, you had never seen him before, unlike he had seen you over camera.
"It's me. Jake." Your eyes grew wide, your mouth opened and closed a few times, before you found your voice.
"Jake?"