Chapter Text
Saesee had been very irritated lately, everyone saw it and no one understood, he was well aware of that.
He was losing count of the "how are you?" requests and focused on his own anxieties, which was the opposite of beneficial, he knew it, but he couldn't do it.
He didn't know what he was afraid of, Plo was expecting twins and Agen was pregnant with six children... he didn't think he had anything to fear from announcing his own pregnancy, but...
But Saesee knew he was far more tolerated than genuinely liked, even the partner who had impregnated him had only brought him to bed out of pity and compassion, a genuine kindness of a good Jedi, a better Jedi than Saesee who was now paying for his one deviation. The first time he dared to accept someone into his bed, and of course he got pregnant. He'd already been uncomfortable enough with someone else knowing what was between his legs and not exactly felt like "him" to Saesee - if he'd had more courage he would have had the operation, but he'd never dared - but now his biology was working against him. It was very hard for him to bear.
However, Saesee remained faithful to the Force above everything else, if the Force had not wanted him to be pregnant, he would not have a belly with the beginnings of a bump at almost fourteen weeks of pregnancy.
But it was hard, hard to see that he was the only one struggling with his problems when all around him happy couples seemed to be emerging when he himself was only receiving impassive looks from his one-night lover. He didn't even know what he had hoped for... but maybe something more? Something else? That night had been... surprisingly pleasant, Saesee could admit. His Master had always been very disapproving of anything related to sex, even more so knowing full well what Saesee was hiding under his clothes. He had not judged his body, he had judged Saesee as a Jedi, but since his death he had wondered a great deal about the meaning of life and what surrounded him. He had dreamed many times of his impending death, he had not wanted to die without trying, and it was the Force that had encouraged her, it was even the Force that had directed Saesee to Him.
Saesee had first had his pregnancy confirmed by Master Che, who did not know that he had female anatomy under his tunics and to this day did not understand how he had become pregnant - for he was neither a Chosen of the Force nor a Zabrak of rare fertility. He was an Iktotchi, and an Iktotchi with male anatomy could not bear children, but Saesee had no male anatomy, which she was thankfully unaware of.
He had since returned to his duties and was thinking about his future and what he should do. He was aware that even if he was a reliable colleague, he could do his current job as a pilot and troop/equipment coordinator without being on the High Council, and he knew that his way of looking at things was not well liked... he was afraid of being excluded. It would be such a shame, such pain.
At least he could still fly. Well... until today. When Saesee landed in the hangar of the Secura Knight's ship he'd joined for a space battle, he was hyperventilating and his stomach hurt, he felt himself fainting with panic. He couldn't stop it, but the Force pulled him to it and Saesee was his child, he listened to her.
*
He woke up on Coruscant and joined a Council meeting, but this time no one would be satisfied with a rough answer. Medical secrecy had protected him and his secret, but he couldn't lie. Well, he could, but he didn't want to.
- Tell us what's going on, you should.
- "I'm pregnant," Saesee finally admitted, before hiding his face in his hands to cry. "I'm sorry."
Within seconds he was surrounded in an embrace of multiple arms, hair and even tentacles. He was in a soft cocoon of light and protection, he hadn't felt like this in a long time.
- "Are you... are you reacting this way because of the pregnancy or were there more... hostile events that led to this pregnancy?" Mace asked very calmly.
- Huh?
- "I think he's asking you if you were forced into the intercourse that got you pregnant?" Obi-Wan delicately translated.
- No! No, I wasn't coerced, I just... I don't want to go.
- "You're not going to leave," Plo promised and gently rubbed his back. "We'll take good care of you and your child, my dear, everything will be fine."
- "How long are you pregnant?" Agen asked politely, smiling quietly and Saesee answered when he felt his breath come in.
- It's going to be seventeen weeks.
He carefully avoided looking at Mace, he didn't want to see the judgment on his face. Nor the realization that came from the Jedi, who nonetheless hid perfectly what he had just realized.
- And do you want the other parent to leave you alone? We'll work it out if you feel threatened or scared.
Saesee turned to Mace, dumbfounded.
- I'm sorry?
- If you... want to take care of your child alone, it will be granted.
- I just... I don't think the other parent will want it, it wasn't planned. And it wasn't a romantic relationship.
Mace seemed to understand that the message was only for him and shook his head slowly.
- If it were me, I'd want to know and I'd want to be there.
Saesee noticed the others slowly moving away, but his focus was on Mace, who hugged him.
Not everything was perfect, far from it, but at least he wasn't alone anymore.