Chapter Text
Of all the reasons they could have finally seen Zhou Zishu again, Jing Beiyuan thought, even he wouldn't have guessed this one in at least a few lifetimes. They'd gotten a call out of the blue from Zhou Zishu only to hear that he was asking about a strange snake that had shown up in his apartment. On the one hand, it only made sense to call your herpetologist friend with a snake question. On the other, a snake question being the only thing that made you contact your friends for the first time in several years, after you'd made them hear through several secondary sources that you'd quit your job in spectacular fashion and disappeared off the face of the planet, was not a good way to treat your friends.
The door to the apartment opened.
"Well, come in," said Zhou Zishu, standing to the side. He looked… not good, exactly—he was wearing sweatpants and a threadbare t-shirt that Jing Beiyuan was pretty sure he'd had at least since college, and his hair was long in a way that clearly showed he hadn't gotten a haircut in far too long—but he looked comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable, given that there was a dull red snake curled snugly around his neck.
"Hello, Zishu," Jing Beiyuan said, when it was clear that Wu Xi was not ready to say anything. "I was going to ask where the snake was, but I see I don't need to."
Wu Xi just stared.
Zhou Zishu stared back. "What," he said irritably. "That's where the snake wants to be, I'm not going to argue with it. It could kill me."
"That's exactly why it's a terrible idea," Wu Xi insisted. Stepping forward, he reached a hand out toward the snake, but before he could get within an arm's length, the snake lifted its dramatically striped head and opened its mouth wide in his direction.
Wu Xi backed off. After a pause, he said, "Tell me again how you found this snake."
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"So it literally fell onto your balcony, and you decided to— keep it?" Jing Beiyuan couldn't help but ask.
"I didn't decide anything, it won't leave," Zhou Zishu grumbled. The snake coiled tighter around Zhou Zishu's forearm. It had moved there after they all came inside the apartment and settled down in the sparsely decorated living room. At least there was furniture.
"What do you mean, it won't leave?" Wu Xi asked.
Zhou Zishu sighed. "I tried to take it outside the first day I found it—don't give me that look, I didn't touch it. I used a stick to prod it into a bucket, which it was not happy about, and I took it outside and over to the park nearby. When I dumped it out of the bucket, it just crawled back over to me and got back in the bucket."
There was silence.
"It got… back… in the bucket," Jing Beiyuan said, trying to convey the full range of surprise he felt at that statement.
"Look, I told you it was a weird snake." Zhou Zishu looked a little overwhelmed, which was perhaps a first.
"I thought you meant it was an uncommon species, not that it acts like… that," said Wu Xi, who was peering intently at the snake.
"It's a coral snake, right?"
Wu Xi nodded at Zhou Zishu. "Sinomicrurus macclellandi. They're extremely venomous, but they're also supposed to be extremely afraid of people."
The snake flicked its tongue out at him and wiggled a little.
Jing Beiyuan looked at his husband. "I've only picked up a few things from you over the years, but I feel quite confident saying that is not a normal snake."
Wu Xi didn't look at him. He reached out toward the snake again and said seriously, "Will you let me take a look at you?"
Narrowing his eyes, Zhou Zishu asked, "Are you talking to the snake?"
"Yes."
"That's ridiculous," Zhou Zishu scoffed. "It can't understand you, it's a snake."
The snake uncoiled from its place on Zhou Zishu's arm and started making its way over to Wu Xi. All of them were silent again.
"What the fuck," said Zhou Zishu. He looked at Jing Beiyuan. "Did that— happen?"
Too startled to answer more eloquently, Jing Beiyuan could only shrug. "Sure seems like it."
Wu Xi had picked up the snake, who now seemed to be suffering through an examination. It didn't take long, and Wu Xi nodded gravely to the snake before putting it down on the floor. The snake hissed at him and slithered back up to the chair Zhou Zishu was sitting in, climbing the chair leg and curling up in his lap.
"Well?" Zhou Zishu asked Wu Xi, seeming surprisingly unbothered by the deadly snake in his lap.
Sitting back against the couch cushions, Wu Xi said, "It seems healthy. I don't see anything that would explain its unusual behavior, but I have no idea what to look for. If it stays with you, you'll need to feed it eventually. Usually they eat lizards and other snakes, but you can try giving it a mouse and see if it will eat it." Wu Xi gave the snake a look. "I think it will let you know if it doesn't want to."
"Anything else I need to know?" Zhou Zishu asked grimly. "I don't suppose you have a way to get rid of it?"
The snake hissed, and flipped its tail up to wrap around his hand.
"There's your answer," Jing Beiyuan laughed. So the snake could listen to them. It certainly wasn't the strangest thing he'd ever seen—though maybe the strangest in this life. Leave it to Zhou Zishu to accidentally wind up with a snake that could understand human speech.
"You're a menace," Zhou Zishu informed the snake. It looked pleased with itself.