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“I don’t see how dressing up as girls is gonna help… Is this really necessary?” Cartman stopped his attack on the wardrobe to turn around and look at Kyle like that was the stupidest question he’d ever heard. Kyle thought it was a fair question, most boys would go their whole life without needing to dress in drag. The only time he’d done it himself was to save Britney Spears' life, while Cartman had done it at least a dozen times. So it wasn’t entirely impossible that he’d force Kyle to join him under false pretences; to humiliate Kyle of course… and himself? Cartman seemed immune to humiliation if it meant getting what he wanted.
“Yes, of course it’s necessary, Kyle” He deadpanned and went back to sorting through his wide selection of dresses and skirts. Kyle had pointed out how Cartman’s clothes definitely were too big for him, so a few of Ms Cartman’s garments were spread across his bed as well. “Don’t you remember Margarine? We won that mission!”
“Right, Butters! Isn’t there any way he could do this instead of me?” Begged Kyle “Or what about Kenny? He has more experience. I really don’t see why I-“ He got interrupted by an orange, yellow and white sundress getting shoved into his chest. “Uh?”
“I’ve already told you, Kahl,” he sighed. “Butters is our distraction. He’ll ‘try’ to sneak in, get caught and while they arrest him… we sneak in, unnoticed. We’ll charm anyone who asks any questions -hence the crossdressing, Kyle!- and bam! We’ll get that Pentagon intel in no time.” He held up a shimmery iridescent dress in front of his own body in contemplation, glancing at Kyle to see his opinion before shrugging and moving on to the next. “And Kinneh won’t pass as a girl, he hasn’t showered in weeks”
Kyle sat down on the bed in defeat and started to regret everything. Was saving the world yet again worth a day with Cartman, dressing him up like a Barbie doll? Probably not. Further he wondered why Cartman had so many dresses and so much makeup (which was apparently his own and not his mom’s) in the first place. He should have asked himself that back when they were eight and Cartman always wore that pink skirt when he needed to go undercover as a cop or an old lady. He just never assumed it was Cartman’s own skirt.
It’s not like dressing in drag is the most alarming thing his friend does. But wasn’t Cartman a narrow minded bigot? A strange one at that then... No, he wasn’t that simplistic. He deserved his own category of idiocity.
Once Kyle broke out of his thoughts he was met by Cartman’s eyes glued on him, as if in a thoughtful haze. He looked at Kyle’s body from head to toe before rushing to the bedside and picking up a long, slim, high slit dress.
“Perfect!” He beamed as he held it up in front of Kyle. It was silver coloured with pops of green from the faux gems decorating its chest. The fabric shone like moonlight under the intricate lace designs. Kyle had to admit it was beautiful, clearly meant for special occasions. But he could also tell that it was meant for the hourglass figure of Liane Cartman and not that of a lanky teen boy, he was especially sceptical of the high slit that would undoubtedly reveal his whole thigh.
Although Cartman looked eager to get it on him. And Kyle doubted any dress would suit him either way. So he decided on nodding in reluctant approval, much to Cartman’s delight.
“You go to the bathroom and put it on,” He waved him away, already looking for his own dress “Oh! And straighten your hair so you won’t need a wig. It must at least be shoulder length.”
“Cartman, it’d take ages to straighten it”
“Not my problem, Kyle. Now scoot, I need to get dressed”
Kyle grumbled on his way out to the bathroom. Getting into the body hugging dress was challenging, but it was nothing compared to straightening his hair. Once again he was starting to regret agreeing to this, but using up all of Cartman’s hair products satisfied his thirst for revenge for now.
He’d taken a shower before putting on the dress and was currently dividing his hair into sections. It was hard to do it on himself but he managed to blow dry and comb all of his hair. He repeated the process with a straightener this time and finally achieved somewhat straight hair. It reached just below his shoulders and had a little too much volume, but once he finished styling it he had to admit he succeeded in making it look feminine. It had taken at least an hour however, and Kyle was expecting a pissed off Cartman to return to. At least he’d match Kyle’s mood then.
As Kyle opened the door he was instead met by an unexpected sight. Cartman was sitting on his bed with a bored expression. Except, there was no way that was Cartman… right?
He’d had the time to completely transform himself; a short red dress hugging his fishnet clad thighs, showing a small window of skin between the dress and his thigh high heels. Kyle couldn’t look away from that window, for some strange reason. The pale skin seemed to be calling to him, asking to be freed from its fishnet prison. He cringed at the thought.
Things only got worse as Kyle peeled his eyes off to look at the rest of Cartman, who stood up now. The dress hugged his waist, stomach still very much there, but hips accentuated and silhouette curvy. Kyle had never been one to feel intimidated by Cartman’s stature, it was soft, round and delicate considering a punch could bring forth tears. But as he stood there face to face with his friend towering over him, his chest puffed out and breasts pushed up, he could feel his cheeks burn and heart ache as a seeping cold spread in his stomach that turned his blood frozen. He felt like a microwaved hot pocket with a scolding outer shell and a frozen mid.
The clothes weren’t the end of it. Cartman had managed to put on a wig and style it while Kyle was gone. It wasn’t one Kyle had seen him wear before, shorter cut at chest length and surprisingly not blonde. Brown, slightly auburn strands of hair that almost matched Cartman’s own, fell over Cartman’s ample chest in a way that caused a curious tingle in Kyle's gut. They also framed his face, which was in full makeup. His surprisingly plump lips were shining with a pink gloss, his eyelids powdered with silver, reminiscent of his Bad Irene look but so much better. He’d also put on thick eyelashes that blended in with his thick eyeliner. And of course, an excessive amount of blush… or was that natural?
Kyle stood frozen in the doorway with his jaw comically open. Though he quickly shut it, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from the ‘woman’ in front of him. Said ‘woman’ looked equally taken aback at the sight of Kyle. Kyle could feel Cartman’s gaze on the dress’ slit, though he was barely in any position to bring it to his attention. And, to his surprise, he really didn’t mind.
“Oh,” Kyle forced out, tightening his lip at the voice crack “You were fast”
“No, you asshole. You were the one being slow” Kyle relaxed at the coarseness of Cartman’s agitated voice. Though it was unreal and unnerving to hear Cartman’s voice spill out of what looked like a beautiful woman.
“I told you it would take ages, fatass! You were the one who insisted on it!”
“Well yeah, I don’t want head lice in my wigs.” Kyle soured but kept his mouth shut, still too disoriented to have an argument with the walking cause of his confusion “Your hair looks kinda dead hanging like that, I’m used to the rats nest” He played with a lock but his hand quickly got slapped away.
“So you prefer the ‘rats nest’?” He asked with tired eyes.
“Duh? I love the rats nest!” Kyle bit his lip to stifle a smile. “Alright let me do your makeup now, I’m already ready to go” His smile immediately faltered.
“You’re doing my makeup?” He asked, voice small.
“Obviously. You need to look presentable after all” Though Cartman seemed nervous as well. Not reluctant at all, quite eager actually, but still he furrowed his eyebrows and tightened his shiny lips.
“Oh, alright”
Cartman started with the base, tapping and blending the sticky concealer with a small sponge. Kyle could barely look at the heterochromic eyes fixed on him. Up close he could see even more details, like how big Cartman’s eyes seemed, and how unfairly innocent he looked while sticking out his tongue in concentration.
He moved on to bronzer and Kyle nearly shivered at the tender fingers massaging his cheekbones and the hand cupping his face. Cartman finished with a ticklish but incredibly soft brush for the blush. Though Kyle was sure he had enough blush to go around already.
As Cartman leaned over to get yet another item and Kyle felt his eyelashes flutter against his cheek, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to say something. It didn’t matter how embarrassing it’d be, Kyle felt just about ready to throw his reputation out the garbage tonight.
“Hey Cartman?” He spoke up. Cartman had just finished his eyebrows and started gently applying a generous amount of golden eyeshadow to his eyelids. This seemed like a good time to talk, when he couldn’t see Cartman’s reaction. “You look pretty good”
It went silent for a sec. Kyle even felt the brush halt to a stop before it continued like normal.
“You’ve gotten a lot better at makeup,” He continued “I don’t know why. Or how. But it suits you…”
“Dude that’s gay” His voice was slightly shaky. Kyle could feel Cartman’s warm, breathy chuckle against his eyelids.
“I’m not the one wearing makeup!” Protested Kyle
“Oh but you are, '' said Cartman with an audible smile. He put on the finishing touches, brushing his finger across the crease of Kyle’s eye.
“But I have to agree that I’m good at what I’m doing,” He fished out an orangey pink lipstick and coated Kyle’s pouting lips. “You look pretty good too“ He dragged his thumb along the bottom of Kyle’s lip to remove the excess lipstick.
Kyle felt as if possessed by a stranger. Or an animal possibly, because his actions were not ones controlled by his brain. But rather an animalistic instinct that pumped in his heart and spread through his veins, in the blood that powered his body. Until suddenly it reached his motor neurons.
“Kyle? You oka-“ Cartman couldn’t finish the sentence before he got tackled to the sheets. Freshly painted lips met his in fiery motion. He made a startled squeal before his lips got a mind of their own and kissed back just as hard. He felt Kyle’s hand raking through his hair, making the wig come off and hungrily grasping at the short strands of hair underneath. The other arm was keeping him up over Cartman while his hand stroked his full cheek. Cartman exchanged the favour, saddened that he couldn’t play with the usual coils, but still massaging the scalp enthusiastically. His other hand moved up and down Kyle’s back, occasionally gripping the soft fabric of his dress.
Their lips were sticky and tasteful due to the lipstick. Kyle and Cartman could both lie there all day and taste the other’s lips. Yet they both wanted more. Kyle eagerly, but politely, stuck out his tongue, asking for permission to enter Cartman’s mouth. And Cartman opened his mouth in response, just as eagerly. Kyle’s body was on fire, and the only salvation was his friend’s humid kiss.
They finally split apart for air and looked at each other with wide, crazed eyes. Kyle laid himself next to Cartman on the bed, an uncontainable smile on his face.
“Ey! You ruined my makeup!” Was the first sentence uttered after the comfortable silence.
And Kyle laughed at that until nothing felt real anymore. Though if that meant being fine with kissing Cartman, then he’d gladly stay like this forever.
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This drawing was made quite a while ago and is not related to the fic, but I just remembered it (and that it works with today’s prompt) so I might just add it at the end, right?
