Chapter Text
Maybe it’s because it wasn’t the rickety bed he’d slept on for the past five years. Maybe it’s because of the rosy scent that used to greet him after school. Regardless of what it was, Jaehyun could finally breathe.
This place is home. This is what’s been missing for a while now.
It’s not too difficult to get tired of cubicles, the only personality he can show is his bowling trophy and a resin paperweight. Both are things he is very proud of but it doesn't feel whole enough.
The corny band posters and lego figurines he’s built over his childhood are much more personal. It could be the nostalgia ( it is ) but he feels so connected. All of his threads pulled taut and snug together by the mere sight of the oak door. He had carved his height into the trim at a young age. Not without his mother scolding him though.
Every piece was so–
Him . Even if he didn’t quite know what that meant anymore.
“You lied to me.” He says to his mother.
She crosses her arms and leans against the doorframe, “What do you mean?”
“You said that you’d turn this into an at-home gym if I left.”
His mother laughs in relief. She moves to sit on the edge of his bed, fiddling with loose threads of his old blanket. “That was just a last ditch effort to get you to stay.” She sighs.
He sinks in the comforting hum of the aircon. “You sure you didn’t sneak in a dumbbell or two while I was away.”
She squeezes his ankle gently, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
They both laugh and Jaehyun doesn’t want to disturb the silence after it. It was easy. So simple but still sated. Much more than the past years had been.
Eighteen may not have been the best time to assume care of himself. Far too young to move away from home. At least in his case. But he had ambitions – maybe too many – and he sought to fulfill them. But it wasn’t that easy. Of course it wasn’t.
Not enough cash stored back to hold up his apartment and schooling. Not enough of him left, for that matter. He figures it will be that way even when his skin begins to leather.
But for now, he lets himself be pulled into a hug, the kind that strains his neck. But he won’t say a word about it. Let his mother crush him until she knows he’s really home again.
“You know you can stay here for as long as you want, right?” Her voice soft to his ears.
Jaehyun jokes, “Forever?”
But she pulls away to stare at him pointedly. “You laugh but you can, if you want to.”
Not the answer he was expecting but he sees the love in her eyes. Her youngest left home before her oldest did. Then again, her oldest left only months ago. She must’ve been lonely. “Maybe I will.” He smiles and kisses the top of her head.
A fond smile washes over her face before she squeezes his cheeks. He groans and knocks her hand away but she keeps trying. They go on like that for a while, both too stubborn, before she leaves to make lunch.
A home-made meal after such a long time.
Jaehyun doesn’t ever want to return to Ulsan.
---
His mother had been tired after the excitement of her son returning home. Even after promising to stay up with him all night, she falls asleep an hour after dinner. She rests her head against her arm, body still sitting up on the chair. Jaehyun turns off the television, the movie they had been watching was boring anyway.
He walks over to her and thinks for a moment. He’s been working an office job so he’s not entirely sure his muscles are still there. But his mom will probably be in pain if she sleeps like that all night.
Against his better judgment, he cracks his knuckles and slides his arms under her. She stirs for a second but doesn’t wake up. He carries her down the hallway and pushes her door open with his back.
He hasn’t been in the room since he left. She’s moved her bed closer to the window to make space for a new shelf. It’s packed with books and vinyls he doesn’t recognize.
She hadn’t made her bed so he slips her under the covers softly. The blanket is still the same scratchy material. He can’t believe she’s never changed it out.
Well, he doesn’t plan on getting much sleep tonight anyway…
So, he grabs the blanket from his bed and lays it over her instead. “Goodnight.” He whispers into the dark, before gently closing the door.
The town outside is quiet, only few being awake at this time of night. It’s perfect for a stroll around. He practically has the streets to himself. So, he puts on some slippers and heads out.
The streetlights glow like dipped honey, illuminating stone streets below. Hand-painted store signs swing with the wind. Jaehyun wonders why he’d never noticed the little things before.
But enough had changed since he’d left. New businesses moved in and all he can hope is that the cafe is still there.
And to his luck, it is.
There are no more posters lining the windows about discounts and gold cards. The interior — from what he can tell — is well polished in comparison to the past. But something about it still felt homey.
He pushes the glass door open, it rings a bell. “Welcome to Dusty’s! I’ll be with you in just a second.” The employee says, busy cleaning some machinery.
Even though the decor was different, Jaehyun expected that much, he’s shocked to know that the people were the same as before. “Juyeon? You’re still here?” Jaehyun grinned wide.
The boy turns around and huffs out a laugh, “No way, what are you doing back?”
“Technically I'm not back, I couldn't sleep so I thought I’d come to my old spot.”
The other nods understandingly, sliding an apron back over his head. “Seems like it’s a throwback night for more than one person.”
Jaehyun tilts his head in curiosity. The boy behind the counter smirks before nodding his head to a table in the back corner. The one with worn out cushions and carved out dates. Someone sits, a book laid out in front of him and a teacup steaming beside. “Jacob?” It comes out as a whisper.
But some way, somehow, he heard. Another stroke of luck, considering his throat was run too dry to speak again. “Jae? What—You’re back?” Jacob stares, eyes wide.
Jaehyun’s body has to move to the table for him. Juyeon, Jacob, it was starting to just seem like another day from his past.
Except Jacob’s hair is longer now, bangs curling over his eye, a bleach blonde color. His jawline is stronger, no longer baby-faced teens staying up past their bedtime. This time, two adults, searching the night for…something?
Or maybe that’s just Jaehyun.
Because honestly, this Jacob looks like he has everything figured out. Wearing a nice shirt and pair of jeans, hair neatly styled. Unlike Jaehyun in his wrinkled Marvel tee he found at the bottom of his closet.
He realizes, yeah, he may be putting his old friend on a pedestal right now. But it only makes sense. Jaehyun has always done that.
He slides into the seat in front of Jacob, noticing the slice of tiramisu cake on the table as well. Jaehyun is seriously getting some deja vu here. “I’m just visiting. I got a little vacation from my work.” Jaehyun wants to slap himself for saying that.
A vacation. Really? Is that what you call your job being shut down for bankruptcy. “Woah, that's nice. Where do you work?” Jacob leans in, eager to listen.
“I got a job as a marketing lead for a company.” He leaves out the ‘ start-up ’ part of the company title.
Nobody needs to know the difference. “That’s incredible! I do remember you always being online to keep up with trends, so you’re probably the best at knowing what people want.” Jacob compliments.
“I guess it did manage to work out for me, huh?”
Jacob nods, smiling, “I’m happy for you. I know it must’ve been difficult.”
No idea just how difficult. Jaehyun tries to reroute the conversation, “What about you? What have you been up to? Still planning to start your own production company?”
“I’m surprised you even remember that.” Jacob raises his eyebrows, lowering the teacup away from his lips.
“Well, you did have me act for your highlight reel. There are very few eventful moments in my life…That one definitely sticks out.” Jaehyun feels anxiety bubble up in his chest.
“I’d say leaving without a trace to a new city is pretty eventful.” Jacob says back, a nonchalant tone to his voice but the words rang through.
Five years. Maybe it was longer than he thought. Yet, it felt like yesterday he walked home with his friends and bickered about playground politics. The town had a grip on him no matter how far he went. Was it the same for them? “So, what happened with that?” He continues the earlier topic.
A sigh spills from Jacob but it is quickly covered by a toothy smile. “I decided to do something a bit different, it was a hard decision, but I think I made the right choice.”
“What did you do instead?”
“How about you come with me tomorrow and I can show you?”
“You are so certain that my schedule is cleared.” Jaehyun shakes his head in mock disbelief.
“Partly that, and partly because I am hoping to see you as much as I can while you’re still here.” He stuffs a piece of cake into his mouth, still wearing a sweet smile as he chews.
“Well…you’d be right about the schedule anyway, count me in.”
---
“So? You started skateboarding?”
Jaehyun stares confusedly at the skatepark in front of him. He doesn’t understand the connection between this and film. But Jacob laughs, “No, we’re just meeting some people here before we go.”
Before long, a group walks up to them. Jaehyun’s eyesight isn’t great but he thinks that might be–
“ Sunwoo?! ”
The figure waves to him and his suspicions are confirmed. He does not waste time hurrying over to hug him. Sunwoo laughs and somehow his voice has still gotten deeper since they were in high school. “It’s been so long, oh my god.” Jaehyun smiles, feeling giddy as ever.
He hears the person next to them clear their throat. He turns to see a boy with pink hair and shimmery makeup– “ Chanhee?! You too? ”
Chanhee gives up on his offended look and beams. “It’s me!” He cheers before pulling him into a hug.
They never did that as kids and Jaehyun is a bit shocked they just did. “Hello? I’m also here? And taller so, I’m not understanding how you didn’t see me first?” Someone else calls beside them.
Jaehyun meets eyes with Younghoon, yet another member of their old group. “Wow. I can’t believe you’re here!” Jaehyun grins before hugging Younghoon as well.
Jaehyun missed Younghoon hugs.
Before he can make the mistake of ignoring another person, he faces the last one. He opens his mouth to greet them but falters. It’s not a face he recognizes. They seem just as lost as well.
“Jaehyun,” Jacob jumps in, “This is our friend, Eric.”
“Nice to meet you.” Eric smiles as he reaches out to shake his hand.
Jaehyun hesitantly holds his hand out and is met with an enthusiastically strong grip. “You too, Eric.”
Chanhee whispers, “He’s the social butterfly, don’t worry you get used to it.”
Younghoon overhears them, “Hey, don’t act like Jae can’t be just as animated.”
They all laugh and he joins in a second too late it seems. Not knowing Eric well enough to truly understand the joke. “Well, follow us, we’re going just down the block.” Jacob nudges him before leading them away.
As they walk, Eric catches them up on his week, explaining in more detail than he probably needs to. But everyone listens intently. At one point, Eric says, “He was a real piece of work…And guess what he was wearing!”
“ A gray hoodie .” Everyone but Jaehyun says in unison.
This makes them all burst into laughter. “Uhm, I don’t get it?”
Jaehyun can see Sunwoo trying to think of how to explain but ends up with, “Ah, it’s kind of a long story. Hard to explain. Don’t worry it’s not that important!”
A chorus of ‘ yeah ’s and ‘ not a big deal ’s spread throughout the group. Great. They have an inside joke. Of course they do. Jaehyun is years behind.
The old group rebooted the show without him. Reruns pushed away to gleam new quality and stories. Maybe that’s why Jaehyun seemed to be the only one to remember.
Because, he’s not oblivious to what he’s done. Leaving without a word. All of his friends shouldn’t be welcoming him back with open arms. As far as they are concerned, he abandoned them. Jaehyun never even tried to call for those five years.
Except one drunken night where his fingers tapped in Jacob’s number by muscle memory. Luckily, his battery had run out before he could call.
But here they all are, acting like nothing happened.
Maybe they could sense how pathetic he had become. Figuring that he’s been through enough, already handed his karma.
A pinch to his side knocks him from his thoughts. Jaehyun follows Jacob’s gaze to the sight in front of them. “Welcome to Hatchbridge!” Jacob singsongs.
This was not what Jaehyun expected.
A grungy photo studio, maybe. Or even a small college film club. But he didn’t expect, well– Hatchbridge . Because, this didn’t used to be that. This didn’t used to be anything.
What was a hushed visit, tucked away behind abandoned neighborhoods, was now a lively community. People of all ages, hands stained with vibrant chalk, letting out their emotions through color.
Tables set with meals packed neatly in rows. No longer leaky brown paper bags carried by weak hands. Jaehyun gravitates towards one container in particular. “Tiramisu?”
Jacob rubs the back of his neck, "Yeah, actually the cafe offered to supply it sometimes.”
Jaehyun smiles as he hurriedly scoops some onto a plate. It’s the kind he remembers, the cold and runny kind that’s distinct to this town. Any real tiramisu enthusiast would turn their nose up at it. Rightfully so.
But it works. “Free tiramisu two days in a row, I feel like I’m dreaming.”
His friend can’t help the fond swell of his heart at the sight. “It’s only right to welcome you back in some way.”
Jacob radiates warmth and Jaehyun realizes he must have been the pessimist. Jacob doesn’t seem to have negative feelings tied to this place. Their last goodbye probably wasn’t as detrimental to him as it was to Jaehyun. But it was for the best.
They are here now.
All of the others have already split off into different sections of the park. It feels odd to see them navigate his and Jacob’s old spot so easily. “So, what is this exactly?” Jaehyun asks.
Jacob leads him to an empty table, “Well, our community was always kind of split. I wanted a way to bring everyone together. And this place was somewhere I felt complete. It only made sense to create Hatchbridge here.”
Jaehyun nods, “That makes sense. You were always the caring, big-dreamer type.”
They sit in silence so Jaehyun can adjust to the area. It looks completely different from before but he practically has the soil embedded into his skin.
Children drag their parents to all of the different activities. There are more than he can count. Jacob explains that it’s always open to the public but they like to plan events. It makes things more exciting.
Oh, how Jaehyun wishes he could’ve done the marketing for Hatchbridge rather than Quaductions back in Ulsan. He’d have so much more to say.
“Ulsan, huh…What made you go there?”
Jaehyun figured he’d have to talk about where he has been. But, most of his decisions still made no sense to him. His old friends knew just as much as he did. “It was the city, you know? Skyscrapers and sidewalks to follow to work. It was new.”
“A change of pace?”
“Exactly.” Jaehyun agrees as he throws away his empty plate.
Jacob thoughtfully nods, “Was it all you were hoping for?”
No . “Yes, it was.”
But Jacob, oblivious to Jaehyun’s own internal battle, gives him a kind smile, “I’m glad then.”
Jaehyun can’t take the proud smile, it makes his stomach turn, so he decides to draw with some chalk. There were plenty of other drawings by prodigy children, he felt a bit ashamed to even draw near theirs. But he perseveres.
“You are kind of taking this a lot better than I thought you would.” Jacob comments as Jaehyun picks up a bright yellow chalk.
He scrapes it on the concrete, the sound borders on unsettling. But he finds soothe in some parts of it. “Why do you say that?”
Jacob cautiously smiles, “Although you don’t like acknowledging it, you’re a…fairly sentimental person. I wasn’t sure that you’d see what I saw.”
Jaehyun stops drawing his daisy ( although it looks more like a frostbitten twig ) and frowns up at Jacob, “…I’m not following.”
“I mean, sharing what used to be our thing to all of these other people. I thought you might feel like I took it away from us?”
“Maybe a little. At first.”
Unsure why. He was the one who left in the first place. “But I know you’d never do anything with bad intentions. Plus,” Jaehyun waves at the lingering crowd, “Seeing all of these people feel that same warmth and comfort I always felt here…I don’t know. It feels good.”
It’s new. He can admit to that. Smooth concrete lay where the infamous patch of stickers used to grow, there’s a new building to his left, and a water park where the sun would shine. He wonders how different everything else might be. Regardless, he’ll take it all in strides. Sift his way through the timeline and catch up where it matters.
“Well, I’m happy you feel that way. You should attend our events while you’re here!”
So, Jacob texts him the schedule. It's packed. He notices the list for today, "Wait? There's a potato sack race today?"
Jaehyun spins his head to find the set-up. Then he sees the orange finish line unraveled beside the big canopy. He pulls on Jacob's sleeve, "Jake, we used to dominate these races! Let's do it!"
"Well, we'd definitely win this one...considering the participants are children."
Jaehyun nods his head understandingly, "You make a good point. We have to join it now."
"You want to win against little kids?"
"No! Imagine the bragging rights the winner would have for beating us! We've never lost a sack race before. I'd say that's pretty impressive."
"...You're right. Let's have our last run." Jacob agrees, heading to grab them a potato sack.
Once they lineup, the kids give them funny looks. He's not even embarrassed about it because, the kids are just so adorable, the potato sacks nearly take up their whole bodies. While theirs barely meets Jacob's waist. Jaehyun hadn't really noticed their height difference before this, even if they were actually competing...He doesn't think they'd be coordinated at all.
The countdown starts. Jacob's nose scrunches up in uncertainty. "Do you think we should fall near the end? That way it's more believable to them?" Jacob suggests.
Jaehyun nods eagerly, "Yeah! That makes sense! Plus, my ego won't be bruised as badly."
Jacob just laughs at him as the countdown finally reaches zero. All of the children start hopping forward. It's intense.
For about two seconds.
Once they jump forward, they aren't in sync. Jacob kicks Jaehyun's shin and sends them tumbling into the grass. Jaehyun hugs Jacob and twists around so he lands on his back, Jacob lying on top of him. He lets out a small oof at the impact. But it's not nearly as bad as he thought.
He adjusts his eyes to the sun, realizing a little too late how close he is to Jacob. The other is already staring at him in shock. Jaehyun clears his throat and moves his hands off of Jacob's back. "So...That was a blip on our track record." Jacob cracks a smile.
"We never speak of this again." Jaehyun decides then and there.
"But I wanted to put Professional Potato Sack Racer on my resume..." Jacob sulks.
It's this type of joking around that makes Jaehyun feel like he never left. It's easy with Jacob.
"What are you two up to?"
Chanhee hovers over them, hands on his hips. "Uh..." They both look at each other in hopes of a good response.
"Actually, I don't want to know. I need your help booking for a birthday party." Chanhee tells Jacob.
Jacob sits up and tries to shake grass blades from his hair. Jaehyun helps, picking out pieces that he finds. "Well, do you want to come with? See the boss in action?" Chanhee asks Jaehyun before smirking at Jacob.
It's not that Jaehyun didn't believe Jacob could do this job. He knows he can. He had just never pictured him to be the type.
But when he sees Jacob speak with the party group, all charming and respectful, it makes perfect sense.
Hatchbridge was special because, Jacob was special. He could draw anyone there. Even before it became a park that you'd see in gardening magazines.
Jaehyun knows that because, he's proof of it.
The first one to see Hatchbridge the way Jacob did...
---
Jaehyun takes advantage of all of the events. This is his vacation in a way.
There’s movie nights, where they roll out a projector and blankets and play a family film. There are barbecues where they grill to their hearts delight ( one of Jaehyun’s favorites .) Apparently, the other boys especially enjoy those days too. They line up beside him, mouths open for him to feed them. Once he just handed them the entire plate and complained that they were crowding him. But he and Jacob watch them eat with a smile.
It’d only been a week but the town started to recognize Jaehyun. Specifically an old neighbor of his. She asks him all sorts of questions, including the ones about what he’s doing with that big ole brain of his . “I mean it. My grandson always said you were top of the class.” She continues on while he unloads food trays from the trunk of Jacob’s car.
“Oh, not much. I had– Have a job. Nothing special though.” He gives her a small smile.
“You’re always so modest. You should give yourself some credit.” She scolds him before walking away to join the group surrounding his mom.
His mom has been attending Hatchbridge with him sometimes. She’d heard about it before but had no idea Jacob was behind it. Really, it would’ve been the perfect cure for her empty home. She loves chatting with strangers, especially when it’s a true opportunity to make friends.
But as he scans the conversation, he sees something a bit unfamiliar.
Eric sulks away from the circle. Rubbing his arm while he watches the other boys talk with Jaehyun’s mother. It’s very different from the excitedable Eric he’d met before.
And Jaehyun feels his stomach twist. Maybe he’s wrong but—Does Eric feel left out?
Out of the loop? No idea how to pop into a conversation that is blended in the past.
Jaehyun’s been feeling that way too. He hates it. He’s been cold towards Eric because of it. It seemed like Eric had it all figured out before, like he had taken over Jaehyun’s role.
But Eric has just been existing. It just happened to be in Jaehyun’s place.
“Hey Eric, do you want to help me set the tables?” Jaehyun asks him.
Eric shocks at the sudden request but nods, “Yeah! Sorry for not offering earlier.”
He slides beside him and starts stacking the plates. “It’s alright.” Jaehyun reassures him.
“Yeah but I’m the youngest…I’m just forgetful sometimes. I don’t pay enough attention, I think.”
“Me too.” Jaehyun laughs.
But Eric makes a noise of disagreement, “You’re always paying attention. Like, I don’t know—You speak for others when they feel too shy to.”
Eric turns around to see Jaehyun standing still by the car. Blinking more than usual. Eric rubs his neck awkwardly, “Well, I mean, you’ve done it for me before. I noticed.”
“I did?”
Eric tilts his head like a puppy ( oh no, Jaehyun finds him all endearing now that he’s knocked down his own walls ), “A lot, actually. Did you not realize?”
“…I guess not.”
“Just yesterday, at the movie, you said two pillows made your neck hurt and tossed one to me. I was sad I forgot to bring mine so, it was nice– Huh , look at that, maybe I do pay attention!” Eric playfully grins and heads off to set more trays down.
Jaehyun struggles to finally move from his spot, overthinking as he sets utensils at every seat. Was Eric right? Did he do things like that? “Hey, Eric.” Jaehyun blurts out.
Eric stops organizing the trays and stares up at him. “My mom will love you, honestly. I don’t know what you’re worrying about but…Stop worrying about it.” He tries to sound lighthearted.
Eric lips pout for a second before spreading into a smile, “Thank you. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. But she’s so close with everyone, I feel like I’d mess up the flow.”
“Go try. She’ll talk about anything.” Jaehyun nods his head to the group.
“Are you sure? Don’t you want help–”
But Jaehyun pushes Eric towards the group, giggling after he nearly stumbles into Chanhee. They all turn to him and Jaehyun sees him say something. The group all grins, pulling him into the middle.
Jacob catches him staring. So, he wills the tenderness off his face and gets back to work. It isn’t successful, “Nice to see you talking with him.”
“He seems like a good kid.” Jaehyun grants.
Softie , Jacob mutters under his breath before holding out a small gift bag.
“What’s this?”
“We all got you a few little things. Just to thank you for helping out.”
Jaehyun plucks the tissue paper out of the bag to find a few small items. Some face masks, a teddy bear phone charm, and a messy sketch that is signed by all of them. “Oh, and this!” Jacob remembers, before pulling chapstick from his pocket.
“Chapstick?” Jaehyun questions.
“You just–Uhm, you lick your lips a lot so I thought maybe…They were dry? This is weird isn’t it?” Jacob softly laughs, already retreating his hand.
But Jaehyun catches his wrist, “No, it’s fine. Thanks.”
He rolls the chapstick from Jacob’s palm and sticks it in his pocket. Trying his hardest not to wonder why Jacob noticed such a thing. “This was really sweet of you guys. You didn’t need to do this.” Jaehyun holds the bag to his chest.
“It’s nothing. We’re just glad to have you back.” Jacob says with the brightest smile that Jaehyun never wants to dim.
But, “Jake…I’m actually leaving after next week.”
The glow burns out, “Oh, right. Well then, we’ll just have to make this last week count?”
“Absolutely.”
And that’s the beginning of the fall.
---
They text the new Hatchbridge schedule to him. But he never responds. Never shows up to the events for the next few days.
They all check up on him separately. But Jacob is especially persistent, texting and calling. Jaehyun knew he would.
Ulsan is next week. It feels wrong to get attached only to leave again. He doesn’t want it to hurt worse for them. But, again, Jacob is persistent . Enough to show up on his doorstep, talking friendly with Jaehyun's mom.
“What are you doing here?”
“Just making sure you’re still alive.” Jacob says with a condescending smile.
Oh. Okay, he’s pissed.
“Oh how sweet!” His mom cries, patting Jacob’s head.
Jaehyun wants to warn her that it’s a trick. That she needs to protect her baby from death by cruel honesty. But she leaves them alone to talk. “Look, I’m sorry. I just haven’t been feeling well.” Jaehyun nervously licks his lips.
“You could’ve texted us that instead of going radio silent.”
“I know.” Jaehyun slumps.
Jacob leans down to meet his eyes, “As an apology, you’re required to go watch the meteor shower with us tonight. It’s in the contract.”
“What contract?”
“The one I made up in my head just now…It also says you agreed to go on a farewell trip this weekend. And to Sunwoo’s play debut on Friday.”
Play debut? God, he really does need to look at the group chat. “He’s technically just a substitute but the teacher’s been out nearly all semester. He’s worked really hard on it.” Jacob explains.
“I didn’t even know he was working.” Jaehyun sighs, leaning against the wall.
“You’ll learn more about everyone once you start hanging out again. Jae, they miss you.”
Jaehyun treads lightly, “What about you? Do you?”
“Do I what? Miss you?” Jacob huffs, “Of course I do. I still feel like I’m making you up in my head.”
This causes Jaehyun to curl over in laughter. He can see why he’d feel that way. “I swear I’m here. Don’t worry!” He gives him a comforting pat on the shoulder.
Jacob holds his hand before he can move it away, “So? You’ll go tonight?”
Jaehyun stares at their intertwined fingers, “Yes. I’ll go.”
“Great! Bring some snacks if you can, it’ll just be the group. We’ll meet at Hatchbridge!”
Jacob is beaming. After being in stuffy office buildings, Jaehyun had started to forget what being refreshed felt like. But seeing his friend like this, brought it all sweeping back. And it was so, so nice.
He mentally notes all of Jacob’s instructions before he says goodbye, having to get ready for the meet-up himself.
Jaehyun puts extra effort into his appearance. He knows Chanhee will bring his camera. Taking photos while they wait for the sky to fall. He’d told everyone he plans to make a tacky family photo book.
And well–
Jaehyun is just happy to be a part of that.
He stuffs his picnic basket full of sandwiches and chips. Along with one box full of sides. It should be enough for them, as long as Sunwoo brings his share.
“I’ll be back later, mom!” Jaehyun yells out, unlocking the front door.
Jaehyun constantly fixes his hair during the walk. The wind pushes it out of place every time. But he doesn’t give up. Not wanting to sport a messy bowlcut-of-sorts.
When he reaches the park, he can only driftly gaze at the stars. The sky was so clear out here. He understands why it’d be the best spot in town for the meteor shower.
Really, he needed tonight.
The calm and even breaths of his friends beside him. This is where he needed to be.
There’s chatter when he approaches the steel canopy. Nobody is in his view yet though. The whirr of a radiator blankets his footsteps. They were just around this corner–
“ Must be nice seeing your long lost love again? ” A voice that he thinks is Younghoon says.
Jaehyun stops walking. He can see the shadows of his friends on the concrete. Chanhee’s figure doesn’t stretch as far as the rest. Jaehyun can tell he’s crouched down taking photos with his film camera.
Flash.
“ Why are you so dramatic? You don’t have to word it like that. ” Jacob laughs.
Jaehyun sees Jacob’s shadow mold with Younghoon’s for a moment. Probably smacking his shoulder for saying… that .
Whatever that is.
Flash.
“ Am I wrong? That’s what he is, isn’t he? ” Younghoon argues.
“ In a way. I guess so. ”
He says it like it’s so simple. Common knowledge. Flash.
Jaehyun presses himself up to the wall when he hears skittering towards him. Chanhee’s outline falls into the shadows with Jaehyun. But his back faces his direction.
Jaehyun holds in his sigh of relief. Scared of its repercussions. “ Younghoon stop bothering him about it. It’s not easy to talk about, surely. ” Chanhee scolds as he waves for someone to move over.
He hears jeans scratch concrete. “ Does it really bother you? I think it’s sweet. ”
Jacob hums. Jaehyun knows that sound, can feel it against the back of his head. “ It’s fine but it’s not like Jaehyun had any feelings for me. It’s one-sided. That’s all. ” Jacob explains as there’s another flash.
Jaehyun nearly starts walking off without thinking. But the first crunch of grass knocks him to his senses. “ You don’t know that for sure. ” Jaehyun can hear Younghoon’s pout.
“ It doesn’t matter anyway. He’ll leave for Ulsan again eventually. ”
Flash.
He tries to scroll the film but an annoyed sigh follows, “ It ran out already. ”
Chanhee defeatedly walks back over to the group. Never spotting Jaehyun.
He sees the shadows welcome Chanhee with open arms. “ I didn’t even get photos of Jaehyun and Sunwoo… ”
Right. He’s supposed to be there.
With his silly picnic basket full of things they’d eat in school. Pointless, really. That all falls to the back of his mind.
– it’s not like Jaehyun had any feelings for me.
And what the hell was that supposed to mean? What was he supposed to make of that? He wasn’t even supposed to be hearing this. He wasn’t there yet. Not quite across that threshold.
“ I have that photo printer! We can make fake polaroids! ”
If he leaves now, he was never really there. To hear it.
“ Oh, that’ll work. Let’s do that! ”
Jaehyun times his steps with every sound the night makes. For once, he hopes Sunwoo isn’t on time to catch him. He quietly sneaks away, until his friend’s lamps look like falling stars in the distance.
The meteor shower wouldn’t be visible in town. His apartment window too glinted with streetlights to do much. But maybe his mother and him could stream it on their television. Like they do with rain sounds on toss-turn nights.
And Jaehyun could sit on the couch. Never knowing.
Never there.
---
“You have a date?”
Jaehyun stares at himself in the mirror. Still in pajama pants and a wrinkly t-shirt. “Yes, in fact, I’m about to leave for it.”
“And you’re telling us an hour before the play starts?” Jacob’s voice cuts out, the reception there probably unremarkable at best.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize that it was the same night.”
“Did you also have a date on the night of the meteor shower?”
Jaehyun bangs his face on the headboard of his bed, “No. My mom needed my help with something.”
“Uh huh.”
It’s silent.
“Well, again, sorry I can’t make it. Pass on my congratulations to Sunwoo. I hope you all have f–”
The phone line cuts off. A series of beeps fill his ears. He checks his phone screen to make sure he’s hearing right and…He is. Jacob hung up on him.
“Fucking hell.” Jaehyun grieves.
What is he doing? What is he doing?
All he can do is stare at his clock. Watch as the minutes pass by, Sunwoo’s play continues without him. Jaehyun halfway hopes for an angry text from him. Calling him out for being a jerk. It would make not being there much easier. There would be a reason.
But there’s no text from Sunwoo. Or any of them.
So, he stares at the last text in the group chat. A photo of Sunwoo and his students backstage, all making peace signs at the camera. They wear cute costumes and he can spot the stage crew in the back. It was a real play.
This is so stupid , he thinks. Giving up, he searches his closet before his hands land on a soft polyester suit. To his relief, it still fits. But he has to go downstairs for his mom’s help with the tie.
When she’s fastening the tie, her lips curl up. “What is it?” Jaehyun asks.
“I’m just happy that you’re going out tonight.” She responds before patting the tie down.
He is too once he finds a last-minute seat. The play is nearly over but the middle schoolers can really act? He feels invested in the storyline he doesn’t know anything about.
One girl holds a sparkling wand, waving it in the air to cast a spell. There’s a twinkling sound playing through the speakers and suddenly the majority of the cast takes the stage. It’s something about found family, Jaehyun assumes. But he’s missed the plotline.
Still, he cheers until he thinks his throat might tear once they bow. He hears a group being just as loud a couple of aisles away. Four people, to be exact.
It’s hard not to spot them when Younghoon hollers like he’s at a national sports event. It’s understandable though, especially once he sees Sunwoo join the kids. Sunwoo claps for the kids but they all turn towards him instead and cheer. His face turns red and there’s no hiding it under the spotlights. It’s cute, really.
Once the cheering dies down, Jaehyun makes his way to the others. Eric spots him first, “Oh? You’re here? Jacob said you had a date?”
Everyone turns his way in shock. Jacob’s smile tilts unevenly. “Yeah. That. This is more important than that, obviously, so I left.” He lies, but he’s licking over his lips and Jacob sees it.
“Sunwoo will be so excited to see you here!” Younghoon doesn’t notice the tension.
“I need to get something from the car. I’ll see you all out there.” Jacob tells them before walking right past Jaehyun and outside.
“Uhm, I’ll go with him.” Jaehyun decides, following behind before anyone can tell him it’s a bad idea.
He is a good distance ahead of him. Jacob hasn’t even unbuttoned his shirt yet. Normally the tight neckline becomes too much for him. Jaehyun wants to remind him but before he can say a word, Jacob speaks up, “It’s just…Sunwoo really wanted you there. Why couldn’t you– Just this once –Show up.”
Jaehyun frowns, “I was late but I’m here now. I mean, Sunwoo will understand. You know how he is, a romantic and all.”
Jacob presses his lips tighter and shakes his head, “No because, you could’ve scheduled the date for any other time. Why did it have to be today? Sunwoo let us all know ahead of time.”
Jacob’s body isn’t even the tense kind of upset with him. It’s weak and unforgiving. Not even believing Jaehyun could say the right thing to fix it.
He wants to tell the truth, that there was never a date, but the truth isn’t any easier to explain. “I don’t know what to say, Jacob. I know I messed up but I can’t change it now.”
Jacob grabs the blue bouquet from the driver’s seat, the stems creak under his fingers. He slams the door shut. “It’s not just this. It’s missing Hatchbridge and skipping out on us.” Something in Jacob breaks, Jaehyun sees it, “It’s the leaving .”
“It’s not like anyone looked for me.” Jaehyun says back.
It’s not bitter. That was a realization he’d come to ages ago when he’d sat alone on the bus, riding back from Quaductions, to a place equally as uncomfortable. Home.
They can hear their friends’ voices growing closer. Their bubble about to pop, ready to pretend. Jaehyun hasn’t felt this between them in a long time. Jacob clearly hasn’t either, the way Jaehyun’s response makes him stiffen.
“You’ve changed.”
And Jaehyun had stopped counting the times he’s heard that phrase.
Why did nobody question when the leaves changed their colors in the fall? Why did nobody question when the moon was born again? If it was so painstakingly apparent, why did he have to hear it once again. The words twisting deep into his aching chest and making it their home. “I know.”
Jacob winces but pushes it aside quickly. The bouquet gets shoved into Jaehyun’s chest, “Give this to him. Come up with some heartfelt speech. I don't care.”
When Jacob knows he’s in view again from behind Jaehyun’s frame, he smiles widely. He rushes past Jaehyun to Sunwoo, not without bumping into his shoulder slightly. It stings.
Jaehyun paints his own smile when he turns. Sunwoo is beaming from ear to ear when he curbs Jacob into a crushing hug. Jacob can only laugh at it, “We’re so proud of you, Sunwoo. You did amazing.”
Sunwoo hums a thank you into the crook of Jacob’s neck. Then his attention turns to Jaehyun and he doesn’t waste a second pulling him in for an equal embrace. “I didn’t think you’d make it! I’m so glad you’re here! Thank you for showing up.” Sunwoo says cheerfully.
All it does is make Jaehyun feel worse. He wants to relieve his guilt by telling Sunwoo who the flowers are really from but–
They are doing this for Sunwoo.
He doesn’t need to worry about his own feelings now. Just needs to do better next time. “For you,” Jaehyun grins when Sunwoo starts to tear up at the bouquet, “I always knew you could do anything you put your mind to. You were always so stubborn, in the best way , when we were kids. I’m so proud of you–We all are.”
He ruffles up Sunwoo’ hair and Sunwoo doesn’t even bother with fixing it. He lets it happen. Soaking up the appreciation from all his friends. “I’ve been the adult for too long today, I’m tired.” Sunwoo grumbles, leaning against Jaehyun’s shoulder.
“Well then, should we go out to eat? My treat?” Jaehyun offers.
But Sunwoo turns it down, “Some of the kids need a place to wait until someone can pick them up. So, I’m going to stay with them and order some pizza.”
“With your own money?” Eric gasps which Sunwoo returns with a quick smack to his arm.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m amazing. A grownup now. I know. It’s a miracle!”
But Sunwoo catches Jaehyun watching him with a weird look, “What?”
Jaehyun smiles in a way he hasn’t in a while. Peaceful. “Nothing. Just…Really proud of you.”
“Oh don’t get sappy again, I just recovered.” Sunwoo whines but tears build in his eyes again.
They all giggle at Sunwoo being so emotional. He is always a bit soft behind his jokester exterior. But it was nice to see him show it around them. He could trust them, always.
“I should head back in. Thank you all again! You all are like family to me so, it means more than you know.” Sunwoo pulls them all into a big group hug.
Jacob and Jaehyun get smushed beside each other, Jacob’s arm along Jaehyun’s shoulders. They meet their gazes, well, as much as they can with their faces pressed against the other’s backs. Jacob’s eyes are calmer now, no longer narrowed sternly into his. There’s even a slight smile if he searches for it. “ Thank you. I’m sorry. ” Jaehyun mouths his way.
But Jacob turns his head away and slowly lets him go.
Fuck.
When he gets home, he doesn’t bother saying a word to his mom. Scared that a strangled sob will come out instead. Jaehyun slams his fists on his pillow. It feels pathetic but he does it anyway.
His stomach aches and it’s hard to breathe. He just needs to turn them off . Anything to make the feelings stop.
So, he takes some deep breaths and tries to focus. You already knew this would happen , he tells himself.
Of course he’s upset with you, they probably all are. You’ve been nothing but a problem this whole time. They’d be better off if you stayed away until you went back to Ulsan. Leave them.
His next breath is a bit easier. There’s still some pain in his chest but for the most part, he remembers. And this is much easier.
Because these are truths. Inevitable little things that can’t be changed. No reason to drown in them. It was just how it was.
There’s a soft knock at his door but he doesn’t turn to look. The door creaks open and his mother speaks, "I was thinking we could hang out…”
“I’m not really feeling it tonight.” He tells her, staying still.
His cheeks are still wet with tears and she knows the look better than anyone. He feels like a brooding teenager all over again. “Oh. Okay. That’s alright, honey.” Her voice shakes a little.
He hears the clang of glass. So, he slowly turns and sees his mom holding two popcorn bowls in her hands. Her head low but she tries to keep a weak smile. “Mom…”
“Really, I’ll give you your space, if that’s what you want.”
It’s hard to breathe again. “No. That’s not what I want,” He sighs, “I’ll be down in a few minutes, okay?”
This time her teeth peek out from her smile, “Okay.”
She closes his door and he hears her footsteps down the stairs. And he feels like he’s taken a million steps back. Like he lost.
But something deep is telling him it’s not. He doesn’t want to listen to it or else everything will become much more difficult. He wipes his eyes and heads downstairs.
His mom is curled up on the couch, a big wool blanket over her and the space beside. He slides under it and takes the popcorn from her.
She puts on an older movie that actually manages some laughs out of him. And not once does she start to question him. Only occasionally looking over. When it’s time to shut it down, she drags him into a hug, “I love you. So much , sweetheart.”
He wants to fight the hug. Claim that she’s ruining a completely good night of avoidance. But he can only sink into her hold, “I love you too.”
They stay like that for a while. A part of him heals in their tiny living space.
It hopes.