Work Text:
….................................................
The rain fell relentlessly that evening. It was fitting, Sasuke thought.
It would be humiliating if the sun showed its bright face in the already shadowed figures of the Uchiha graveyard and the rain only added to the drenching of his dark heart.
The mud squelched beneath the boy’s feet as he stood in front of them. The air felt thick and heavy with the scent of the descending droplets. The dark rocks were slick and slippery, each engraved with various all-too familiar names and matching dates. They were nothing but memories, nothing but marks.
If only he could be one of them.
For a while, the only wetness that was on Sasuke’s face was from the drizzle that turned torrential in a few moments of stillness, until his eyes flooded on their own in remembrance, in pain, in longing.
He felt the mud splash onto his knees as he collapsed onto the ground, fists trembling, breath hitching. Hollow sobs escaped his burning throat that he was trying to suppress with the little strength he had. His small frame shivered in the frigid climate, soaked to the bone, dripping and miserable.
Sasuke’s heart lurched and sudden, powerful yearning flooded through him. He tried to keep it out of his mind. He’s not done here, he told himself, not yet, not until he achieves his true path, the one he set out for himself.
But it’s too much for someone so breakable as him. So fragile and sick and weak.
A child who merely wanted to return to the embrace of his mother and praise of his father and warmth of his family.
That took on more importance than his own life in that moment.
In a second without thinking, his throat felt the cold grip of the jet-black kunai as it pressed against his pale, damp skin.
His teeth clenched and his black eyes swam, his small body shook more than ever-
He couldn’t, he couldn’t do it.
Fear gripped him like claws but yearning to meet his family again surged through his heart.
But he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t do it damn it-
“Stop.”
The kunai carefully withdrew. Sasuke was aware it was not him who took it. He felt the familiar gloved hand pry it gently from his shaking fingers, the only sense of warmth there was right now in his lonely and cold cave.
Sasuke gasped and his shoulders slumped. Regretful, frustrated sobs escaped him. His burdened mind pondered what he would’ve done to himself if his sensei hadn’t stopped him from doing so.
The Uchiha felt that same warmth enveloping him. His eyes were closed, but it guided him, enticing him into the only safe presence he knew at that very moment.
Sasuke buried his head in his mentor’s shoulders and let the older man embrace him tightly, sheltering him from the rain.
“I’m here, Sasuke. I’m here.” was all he kept repeating and was what the boy needed to hear for all that time.
It wasn’t long before Sasuke started weeping profusely, in the safety and seclusion of his sensei whom his gut trusted down to the depths of his heart. The masked ninja rubbed his back gently and kept mumbling comforting words into his raven hair, rocking him gently in his lap as his student let everything he’d been meaning to keep in for so long let loose.
Sasuke inhaled sharply between sobbing breaths, guilt and sorrow flooding his soul.
“I-I'm sorry, s-sensei...’m sorry for-for wanting to g-go...”
The jonin stroked his wet hair gently, quietly shushing his crestfallen child.
“Ssh, it’s okay, it’s okay. You’re here now, you’re safe.” he whispered. “And I’ll stay here. I’m with you, Sasuke. I promise.”
The Hatake hugged the raven close, brushing his bangs out of the way and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. Sasuke sniffed and quieted, laying his head against his sensei’s chest in gratitude as he was surrounded by the solace he craved and needed.
Sasuke wept silently from then until the rain ceased inevitably. The moon shone brightly in the night as the clouds dissipated, and the evening sky cleared. The young Uchiha had fallen into an exhausted sleep in his sensei’s arms, cradled as if he was the same child he was years ago. No... he still was.
It never went away, but Sasuke felt that the grief was easier to handle when his sensei sheltered him.
……………..
It was only a little drizzle that fell that evening.
It was fitting, Kakashi thought.
His sadness felt just like any other day, but sometimes he let it drop out of him ever so gently like how the downpour was now, not enough to soak him instantly, but slowly get him drenched anyway.
He stood in front of the stone and let his eyes look upon the familiar names and various dates engraved into the slick, black rock. The air felt damp and misty. The grass below him glittered with raindrops.
It had felt like yesterday but at the same time so long ago that everything he cared about had been ripped away from him in an instant.
The grief that stuck with him was always suppressed, being the frame and base of his laid-back demeanor, and it was only every now and then that he let it consume him fully.
The sorrow hadn’t made him feel angry, enraged or scared though.
No, he merely felt… regretful.
Hopeless.
Empty.
As if nothing could ever fill the hole inside his heart again.
Maybe he was happy once, but it was never there when he wanted it to be. And where he wanted it to be was long gone.
Destroyed.
Kakashi felt the cool droplets search his fingers as he kneeled to stroke the names of his fallen comrades, his precious ones getting the most attention and pain.
If only he could be one of them.
He closed his eyes tight and balled his fist against his side.
If only he had been quick enough, if only he didn’t deal the final blow, if only he got a little more time, if only if only if only-
Kakashi felt another hand clutch his.
If only he died instead of them.
“Don’t.”
He heard his student’s firm but… scared voice tremble beside him.
The smaller hand held Kakashi’s larger one tighter. The masked ninja looked to his side to see the raven staring at him. His deep, onyx eyes held everything he wanted to yell at his sensei for what he was thinking, but it was told just in that single touch, in that single hold.
Kakashi felt guilt weigh in his heart. He told his student he’d be there for him. Was he going to just drop it now? Was he going to surrender himself to the very thing he told his student to never commit himself to?
No… no he couldn’t.
I’m sorry. Those words wanted to be said, but his throat was stuck, a hard lump was lodged in there that he couldn’t swallow. Shame swamped over him as he shook his head, his one eye deepening.
He only hoped it would say everything.
The child gazed at him for a while, and Kakashi thought he messed up once more. He was a disappointment. He failed.
But the raven seemed to understand as he moved closer to him, realizing that the jonin needed him just as much as he did. He leaned his head into his shoulder and exhaled lightly, the soft touch filled with affinity relaxed him.
Relieved, Kakashi accepted it as his forgiveness, for he knew the raven would never show this much vulnerability around anybody else.
He mourned for a little longer, and at times he felt himself shiver from the pain.
But the Uchiha stayed and didn’t say another word, didn’t need to, because his mere presence was already communication enough that he wouldn’t let him leave.
The drizzle ceased as the sun started to dip below the trees. The two sat there together, one full of grief while the other at his side, refusing to let him go. The raven’s fingers stroked the back of the hand that he held onto and held onto him. Kakashi wrapped his other arm around his student and drew him closer, kissing him on his head and muttering a quiet ‘thank you’, which Sasuke welcomed.
It would never go away, but Kakashi felt that the grief was easier to handle when his student was there to ground him.
……………….
The gray clouds filled the grim and still sky.
It was fitting, Kakashi and Sasuke thought.
The aftermath of a storm, the ground still damp and earthy, plants' leaves still drooping from the continuous downpour that had fallen on them before, twigs and branches that had blown off trees lay in separate areas, but it was all over now.
The graveyard of all the shinobi who lost their lives permanently lay in the cold, black earth marked with stones, engraved with various names and dates.
The war was over and an era of peace settled.
But people needed to be missed and mourned, and the ones who did make it out alive were scarred and wounded, whether it was the mind, body or heart.
But most challenging, many bonds needed to be mended.
For Kakashi, there were others he never appreciated gone distant that he treasured so much now. Or perhaps the ones he hadn’t had a chance to be with in so long.
And for Sasuke, it was with practically everyone in the world.
The raven stood a few ways off from his former sensei, regretting everything he’d ever done, every sinful act he committed, every single breath he took in his life.
He knew he wasn’t alone anymore, but it was hard to feel that way, even now.
Maybe, he thought, just maybe if he’d dealt with himself long before any of this, if he ended his life before any of these people were slaughtered at his own hands then it could’ve been more peaceful.
Why, why couldn’t he just do that, why couldn’t he just die -
“Sasuke.”
He heard Kakashi’s voice but didn’t say anything back. He was aware that his black hair was covering his face, revealing nothing but a stray tear making its way down his pale cheek and his lip that he was biting so hard that blood drew from it and dripped down his chin.
“Sasuke- ‘’
“No.”
Kakashi’s hand wavered dumbly in the air as Sasuke refused to take hold of it.
“I don’t deserve it.”
“Sasuke, you’re needed here.”
“That’s only what Naruto tells you. The rest don’t care.”
The Uchiha walked away from him. Pointlessly so, because he heard Kakashi’s steps behind him.
“You know very well by now that it’s never okay to dwell on things that happened in the past.”
The masked ninja’s voice was even but firm, wanting to get through to the person he once considered his small, little child.
It had been so long, too long. His student had slipped into darkness for so many years, tragedy after tragedy, loss after loss.
Kakashi felt for some time that maybe that was it. His bridge with his precious student had been burned.
But the promise he made long ago needed to be kept and remembered. He hoped Sasuke recalled it too. It was important to him, to them both.
For a while, the other man didn’t reply, standing still, contemplating the words that were given to him to stay.
“It would’ve been easier for you to just leave me.” Sasuke suddenly spoke darkly, and Kakashi realized that he was talking about that fateful day where he sat with him in the rain, comforting him as a little genin. Something in him sinks.
“I was already a hopeless cause. Why did you choose to stay?”
The raven’s voice was trying to harden but it only shook, and the more Kakashi heard it, the more he felt his heart break.
In a rare turn, his shoulders sagged, and suddenly, the dark, stubborn character he upheld was dropped, the only thing apart from that which he could manage sorrowfully shown through.
“…Why couldn’t you just let me die?”
Kakashi instantly shot to Sasuke’s side, so sharply that the Uchiha had to draw back, revealing his tear-stained face and dark bags under his eyes that stayed from crying too much in the blankets of the night.
Kakashi gazed at the raven’s face, into his eyes, wanting Sasuke to focus on every single word he uttered to him.
“Because no matter what Sasuke, Deep down, I had faith in you. No matter how cold you were or how many sins you committed, I hoped deeply that you would come back home.”
He reached for Sasuke’s hand once more and when he tried to withdraw, this time managed to take it tightly into his own.
“Otherwise, my promise would have been broken, wouldn’t it?”
Sasuke widened his eyes in remembrance from all those years ago, when his sensei then told him he’d stay in that dark time, and when he did the same for him, because they needed each other. They were precious to each other.
“I’m sorry... I’m so sorry you thought it broke,” Kakashi’s voice was husky, but he continued on. “I’m sorry if I wanted to give up.”
He stared firmly into his student’s eyes once more, sincere and unfeigned.
“But I won’t give up on you, ever. And I certainly will never let you give up on yourself.”
Sasuke looked at the jonin, broken and remorseful, but loving and compassionate, a side to him that hadn’t been shown so strongly in so long. The Uchiha suddenly felt sadness weigh inside of his gut once more.
If his comrades wanted him to stay, if Kakashi wanted him to stay, shouldn’t he stay with them too? If they spent all that time hoping, would he throw it all away and leave it in vain?
No… he needed them.
And they needed him.
Sasuke had been gone too long and pained his loved ones so much. He didn’t feel deserving of their apologies, affection or love, yet here Kakashi was, the person he least expected to forgive him welcomed him back with earnest warmth.
The raven felt tears welling in his eyes and Kakashi tutted gently, cupping his face in his hand, stroking his tears away and wiping the blood from his chin. Sasuke shook his head, wanting to push it away, but it felt so good and so warm and it was like how it was before….
Kakashi gazed at the grown man in front of him that he saw as the same weeping child from his past. Somewhere in there, it still existed, inside of Sasuke and inside of himself.
But here they were, holding one another, with Sasuke falling into his mentor’s shoulders once more and Kakashi resting his cheek against his now grown student’s nape.
“You’re here now, and I’ll always be here with you moving forward.” Kakashi comforted calmly, embracing the Uchiha’s back and carding his fingers through his black hair.
Sasuke momentarily let go and stared at him. His eyes seemed to say everything, a question that only an uncertain, scared child would ask for surety.
“ Promise?”
Kakashi gave a watery smile and cradled his student’s head in his hand, tenderly bringing it down to gently kiss his forehead.
“I promise.”
The raven chuckled at the familiarity and this time hugged him. For a while, they stayed like that, embracing each other, sobbing happily until it felt like the whole world could fill with hope again.
Kakashi’s bond was mended, and Sasuke’s heart was strengthened.
It would never go away, but the two lovelorn shinobi felt that the grief was easier to handle when they held each other.
The End